Young Sheldon (2017) s03e20 Episode Script

1 You can see here, Sheldon has a baby tooth that never fell out.
Is that a problem? Well it's gonna kept the adult tooth from coming down, so it'll need to be extracted.
- Oh, he's not gonna be happy about that.
- No, he is not.
Are you sure we can't wait this thing out? That's gonna cause all the other teeth around it to be crooked.
Braces can get expensive.
Oh.
He's gonna freak out about the pain, and the needle, and the blood.
Yeah.
I would mention that stuff when you tell him.
- Can't you tell him? - I'm not gonna tell him.
But you're the doctor.
And you're his mommy.
Which means I deal with him all the time.
Help me out here.
No.
- Okay, can we tell him together? - No.
All right.
What if I put your business card, free of charge, in the next church newsletter! So, Sheldon, little bit of dental news, you have a baby tooth that never fell out.
Neat, even my teeth are stubborn.
Anyway, in order for your teeth to come in straight - Dr.
Bowers is gonna need to pull it out.
- Why didn't I hear this from him? - I had the same question.
- But a tooth extraction is a major procedure.
Not necessarily.
Will there be blood? - A little.
- Will there be a needle? Maybe, but you won't feel it because he'll put you under first.
Put me under? With drugs? That's even more dangerous! Sheldon, lots of people get their teeth pulled, it's not a big deal.
- Stop enjoying this.
- Sorry.
- No you're not.
- No I'm not.
Nobody else is stronger than I am Yesterday I moved a mountain I bet I could be your hero I am a mighty little man I am a mighty little man This is not exactly the date night I envisioned when I was shaving my legs.
I'm almost done.
We're elderly, you know, if anything dinner should be early.
Well, I'll tell you what, when I'm finished, I am gonna whisk you off to the finest and only Chinese food place in town.
Ying's? Their nachos are weird.
I don't know.
It's not a bad idea to maybe venture out of Medford once in a while.
Even better, why we don't go away for the weekend? Come on.
You know how hard it is for me to get out of the store.
What's the point of being the boss if you can't get somebody else to do your work for you? I might be able to leave Georgie in charge.
- My grandson? - That'd be the one.
I wanna go.
So I'm just gonna say, "Good idea.
" [laughing.]
Hi, Sheldon, what can I do for you? Do you have any books or videos on the Lamaze technique? Uh-oh.
- Georgie get that girl pregnant? - It's for me.
I need to have a tooth pulled and I'd like to do it without putting my brain on drugs.
Okay.
I've seen the commercial with the egg in the frying pan, very effective.
Well, since this is a high school, we don't have material about giving birth on the shelves.
But since this is a high school I keep a few things here under the counter.
Excellent.
And I'll let my brother know in case he gets himself in a pickle.
You're having a tooth pulled, not having a baby.
If it can work for getting an eight pound human through a birth canal, it can work for a tiny tooth.
Eight pounds.
I'm never having kids.
[adult Sheldon.]
Fun fact.
She ended up having four.
And if I do, I'm taking any drugs they'll give me.
[adult Sheldon.]
That part was true.
Hey, Georgie.
I'm thinking about taking your Meemaw away for this weekend.
Okay.
You have my blessing.
Thank you.
And I was wondering, maybe if you look after the store while I'm gone.
You saying I'm the manager? I'm saying I want you to look after the store while I'm gone.
But in a managerial capacity.
Think you can handle it? Yes, sir, I will make you proud.
Great.
- Can I fire people? - No.
- Can I get paid more? - No.
Can I at least change the music we play here? What's wrong with the music we play? Nothing, it's just kind of grandpa music.
How is this grandpa music? - Do you listen to it? - Yeah.
- Do you have grandchildren? - Yeah.
You see where I'm going with this? - Okay, Sheldon, you ready? - Not really.
Yeah.
That makes two of us, why don't you guys come on back.
You know what, I'm just gonna stay here.
You don't need me getting in the way.
- Well, it's no trouble at all, come on.
- I got my crochet.
- You're coming! - Fine! You don't need to worry about needles because we're gonna put you under for the procedure.
No thank you, there are risks associated with anesthesia.
- Feel free to jump in.
- Are there any other options? He could stay awake but we'd have to give him Novocain.
No needles.
Just pull the tooth.
Okay, but just so you know, I'm gonna be using this.
Drugs please.
- You go to this casino often? - Kind of.
So don't be surprised if everybody knows my name, how I take my whiskey and the color of my lucky bra.
Purple.
No, that's my get lucky bra.
So, what are you into? Craps, roulette? Well, not much of a gambler.
You just left Georgie in charge of your store, so disagree.
Mm, he's a lot smarter than you think.
Maybe you're not as smart as I think.
Well, if you like me just for my body, I'm okay with that.
[both chuckling.]
If you could hear me think This is what I'd say There you go.
And I hope you enjoyed your shopping experience.
I did.
I'd let the manager know, but he already does because it's me.
I'll take it.
It's been a pleasure to serve you.
You might wanna slow down, we don't have a license to sell guns in here.
Just kidding, it's Texas, we got them in the back.
Okay, Sheldon, we're gonna put the mask on.
You just breathe and count back from 100.
But counting back from 100 isn't complex enough to occupy my mind.
You're up again.
Why don't you think of something more science-y? Like counting pi.
That's a thing, right? Pi? I can't count pi, it's an irrational number.
But I can embrace the spirit of your proposal and calculate the matrix coefficients necessary for a unified field theory.
Do that.
Hit it.
Of the four fundamental forces, the most difficult to unify is gravity because Oh, thank God.
[John.]
Step right up.
Step right up! For your chance to meet Thoth, the Egyptian god of knowledge.
He has all the answers.
No question too big or small! Hello, young man, do you have a question you'd like to pose? I do.
But nobody in the history of science has ever been able to answer it.
Well, they haven't asked the great god, Thoth! [thunder crashes.]
Right this way! Ask your question.
You really possess all knowledge? You only get one question, kid, you want that to be it? Oh.
No.
How can I unify the four fundamental forces of the universe? Now we're talking.
In order to unify gravity, you must first understand that it is a distortion of space-time.
Gravity, of course.
He even talks in his sleep, why am I not surprised.
Didn't feel it at all.
That's how good this helmet is.
Wanna take a whack? Try it on, I'll be up front when you're ready to buy.
Oh, no.
Damn it! Twenty-six for the twins' birthday, three for Georgie.
And Mary wouldn't like it if I used her birthday for gambling, so 13 for her! All right.
For my grandson's birthday I'm gonna go black because I don't remember it.
No more bets.
Twenty-six black.
[cheering.]
Yes! - Hooray for grandkids! - All right.
Whenever the hell they were born! - You wanna go to the bar? - No! We've hit, we gotta ride this out.
Double zero.
- Rides over.
- To the bar! Where am I? You died.
You're a ghost now.
- What? - Look who's awake.
How are you feeling? I had a dream.
I solved the unified field theory.
Well, good for you.
But I can't remember it.
Well, you were mumbling something about gravity and forces.
You need to be more specific! Shelly, you weren't making much sense.
Mother, a unified field theory is the holy grail of physics.
Solving it would be the greatest breakthrough in the history of science.
And you forgot it, that's funny.
Hello, Dr.
Bowers, it's Sheldon Cooper.
I need you to administer more anesthesia to me.
No, I don't have a dental problem, I need to reenter a trance-like state so I can communicate with Thoth, the god of knowledge.
I would argue that the greatest discovery of physics is worth losing your dental license.
Well it's not my fault you let them publish your home phone number! [dial tone.]
Well, this is my favorite table here.
Well sure, every time you put down money, you win.
Oh, this is nice.
I really don't get away from the store enough.
- How come you're still working at your age? - What do you mean my age? - I mean, you're old.
- I'm not old.
Well, I'm old and you're older than me.
That's true, but we make it look good, though.
You don't wanna be that guy that just works until he drops dead.
I mean, maybe you should retire, have a little fun.
I'm here with you.
That's a good start because I am fun.
Oh, man.
You sure as hell are.
Hey, you know what'd be fun? New Orleans is just an hour away from here.
Oh, I like where this is headed.
And they got themselves a 24-hour wedding chapel.
What? No! What do you mean no? We're good together, and we're both old.
That's what you said.
We haven't even said I love you yet.
All right.
Fine.
I love you.
You You're not gonna say anything back? Not under these circumstances! Goddang it.
Dale! I'd like to report a robbery.
Before I tell you my name, is there any way we can do this where the owner of the store don't find out? Because he left me in charge and I really screwed up.
At least $400.
I know it's a lot, that's why I said I screwed up! I gotta think about this, I'll call you back.
[adult Sheldon.]
If I was going to recapture my insight into a unified field theory, I needed to find a way to put myself back into an altered state of consciousness.
Native Americans would sit in sweat lodges for hours to achieve this.
I lasted a minute and half.
Self-hypnosis is another means of bringing stillness to the mind.
[chimes then Sheldon yells.]
[adult Sheldon.]
When it isn't giving you a heart attack! The Whirling Dervishes of Central Asia employ a repetitive spinning technique to achieve a trance-like state.
[retching.]
You didn't have to storm off.
You're being childish.
So I don't wanna get married, it's nothing personal.
But it feels personal! I'm not rejecting you, I'm rejecting marriage.
If it helps, it's not the first proposal I've turned down.
How the hell does that help? After everything I've done for you and your family.
You give my grandson a job so I'm supposed to marry you? Well you can forget I even asked.
[adult Sheldon.]
After my other attempts to return to the trance-like state of anesthesia failed, I turned to something Nancy Reagan herself told me to "just say no" to.
My mind-altering substance of choice was chamomile tea.
But not your grandma's chamomile tea.
A highly concentrated super chamomile of my own making.
All the relaxing power of 30 cups of chamomile tea packed into a teaspoon of calming sludge.
Sorry, Mrs.
Reagan.
Okay grand unified field theory, here I come.
[groaning.]
[sighs.]
This isn't working.
[male voice.]
I disagree.
Seems to be working fine and dandy.
Mr.
Einstein, I'm very excited to talk to you, but I was hoping to hear from Thoth, the Egyptian god of knowledge, so he could teach me the grand unified field theory again.
Oh, the grand unified field theory.
Well, la-di-da.
He told it to me in a dream, but I can't remember.
All right.
Hang on.
Where's the fun in finding things out if some joker with a bird head just tells you the answer? But a grand unified field theory would explain the universe.
Answers are all well and good, but a real scientist loves the thrill of the chase.
- Am I right, Hawking? - I would agree.
I do also enjoy the thrill of rolling over bubble wrap with my chair.
It is fun to pop that stuff, isn't it? So fun.
But what if I never figure it out? I never did and my scientific career is nothing to sneeze at.
- Same here.
- Agreed.
Don't look at me, I drive a Yugo.
- So none of you can help me? - I believe I can.
Sheldon, if I was offered a choice between all the knowledge of the universe or the endless pursuit of it, I would choose the pursuit.
- That's very insightful.
- Hold it.
Hold it.
He didn't come up with that, he stole it from Gotthold Lessing! Who's Gotthold Lessing? He's an 18th century German philosopher.
Now do you mind? We girls are trying to have some fun over here.
- Apologies.
- Sorry, Cyndi Lauper.
Our bad.
I like fun.
[adult Sheldon.]
While I made my peace with not having the solution to a unified field theory, my intestines did not make peace with concentrated chamomile syrup.
Oh, dear.
Bathroom emergency! Bathroom emergency! What the hell? I locked this.
Who's here? I'll call the cops! It's just me.
Why you back so soon? It's none of your business.
How'd it go yesterday? - It was good until it wasn't.
- What do you mean? I was helping a customer and I guess I forgot to close the register because when I got back to it all the money was gone.
- Are you kidding me? - I screwed up.
Did you call the police? I didn't wanna get them involved.
But I was gonna make it right.
Here, take it.
So we good? You're fired.
Really? - But - Get out of my store now.