Young Sheldon (2017) s04e03 Episode Script

1 [adult Sheldon.]
Previously on Young Sheldon - So, he's really good to graduate? - He sure is.
Do you think I can make it from one end of the college campus to the other in under ten minutes including a bathroom break? How important is the bathroom break? Very.
The class schedules are designed for fully grown bladders, and mine is child-sized.
One other bit of business.
Since you're graduating top of the class, that makes you our valedictorian.
I'm so proud of you, baby.
- You seem surprised.
- Well, it's quite an accomplishment.
In this school? I don't think so.
We're really gonna miss you.
[adult Sheldon.]
I've always enjoyed math word problems.
Try wrapping your noggin around this one.
A brilliant young boy named Sheldon is about to start college.
He needs to get from his linear algebra class to his physics class, which is 822 meters away.
If his stride is 23 inches long and he only has ten minutes, how many steps would he have to take per minute to make it on time? It's a doozy, isn't it? Don't worry.
I'll show my work.
First, we must determine the maximum velocity achievable without breaking a sweat.
Sweating is forjocks and those who are worried the jig is up.
[upbeat music playing.]
[Billy.]
Hey, Sheldon.
Not now, Billy.
I'm in the middle of a math problem.
- Okay.
- [chicken clucking.]
Darn it.
- [Meemaw.]
What are you looking for? - Chest hairs.
Is there any chance I'll hit puberty in the next few weeks? Oh, God, I hope not.
Why? The campus is so big, I'll never make it from one class to another without a solid dose of testosterone.
Maybe they'll let you leave early so you'll have time.
But the end of the class is when I point out the teacher's mistakes.
Everybody loves that.
I'd say run across campus, but I know how you feel about sweating.
It's the urine of the skin.
Why not ride your bike? I considered that, but I can't let my colleagues see me with training wheels.
They'll think I'm a child.
Can't have that.
Mmm-mmm.
- See any fuzz growing? - Let me look.
- [laughs.]
- No, Meemaw.
Bad Meemaw.
What do you want? I was hoping you could help me build up my leg muscles to increase my speed.
If you don't want people chasing you, be less annoying.
It's so I can get to my classes on time.
Sheldon, you know you ain't gonna work out.
- I will.
This is important.
- Fine.
Here.
Hold these.
Now, keep your back straight and bend your knees like this.
Dad, you're a football coach.
Do you use human growth hormone to enhance the performance of your players? We lost our last game 63 to 9.
What do you think? I think you should look into human growth hormone.
And if you do, send some this kid's way.
[adult Sheldon.]
With no access to controlled substances, I was left with only one option.
Missy, will you teach me to ride a bike tomorrow? - Why not Mom? - Working.
- Meemaw? - Old.
- Dad? - Fat.
Okay.
I'm such a good person.
All right, you're gonna pedal, I'm gonna run behind and hold you up.
- I'm nervous.
- Just pedal.
You'll be fine.
- Ready? Go.
- Not really.
[Sheldon.]
I'm doing it.
- Okay, I'm gonna let go.
- Don't let go.
- I'm letting go.
- Don't let go.
- I already let go.
- You let go? I let go.
- I'm doing it.
- You're doing it.
I'm doing it! [chicken clucking.]
[theme song playing.]
- Dad, Sheldon got hurt.
- How? A chicken chased him into a mailbox.
Of course, it did.
If I knew you could run I would have let you teach him.
- What happened? - [Billy.]
Belinda got off her leash - You okay? - My arm really hurts.
I want Mom.
Well, you got me.
Now, let me take a look.
- Don't touch it.
- I'm not gonna hurt you.
I'm sorry but you are too big to be delicate.
- I'm delicate.
- I just wanna see if you can bend it.
I can't.
It hurts too much.
I'm gonna take him to the emergency room.
- [grunts.]
Come on.
You gonna be okay? - Yeah.
Have fun.
- This is bad.
- You're gonna be just fine.
This is the arm I write with, this is the arm I eat with, this is the arm I do the Vulcan salute with.
Ow.
It's not too swollen.
That's a good sign.
You're not a doctor.
But I see this on the football field all the time.
Football players are meant to be hurt.
I'm meant to be cherished.
Okay, looks like you fractured your ulna.
Oh, no.
Two weeks in a cast, you'll be good as new.
- A cast? - [doctor.]
Mm-hmm.
Don't those get sweaty? - They can.
- And itchy? - A little.
- Can it get wet? Not supposed to.
Then how am I supposed to take a shower? Well, some people wrap it in a garbage bag.
That's where garbage goes.
Did you get a discount doctor because we're poor? - Shelly, you okay? - I fractured my ulna.
He's fine.
I told you, you didn't need to come down here.
- My baby is in the emergency room.
- Yeah, with his father.
Who let him get hurt.
Me? I wasn't even there.
If anything, it was Missy's fault.
And Belinda Sparks.
- Who? - Chicken.
What does a chicken have to do with this? You know what? I'm gonna let the nurse come in and put the cast on.
Don't worry, baby.
- You're gonna be just fine.
- Thanks, Mom.
That's what I've been saying the whole time.
But she cherishes me.
That's so cool.
Can I sign it? - Why? - 'Cause that's what kids do.
Why would I care what kids do? So when it's over, you can have a cool reminder.
I don't want a reminder.
This is traumatic.
I might need counseling.
Come on.
Don't be lame.
Let me sign it.
You're just gonna write something mean.
You don't commit a crime and sign your own name.
Learned that one the hard way.
[doorbell dings.]
- Hey, Brenda.
- Hey.
I just wanted to check in and see how Sheldon's doing.
He'll be fine.
He's just A little fracture.
Oh, poor kid.
Please know we feel terrible.
Eh, accidents happen.
Hey, speaking of accidents, which this clearly was Insurance covers everything, right? If you're worried about me sending you a bill, don't be.
Wasn't worried.
I just wanted to bring you some food as a peace offering and promise it will never happen again.
Well, thanks.
Ooh, fried chicken.
Never again.
"I hope your arm gets better soon.
XO, Missy.
" - See? Nothing mean.
- Thank you.
[adult Sheldon.]
My sister could have a big heart.
If only that were true of her brain.
- That's the wrong "your.
" - What are you talking about? It's supposed to be Y-O-U-R.
What you wrote means, "I hope you are arm gets better.
" Oh.
You defaced my body with a grammatical error.
I guess that's your problem.
Y-O-U-R.
Left-handed knocking.
Wild.
- Georgie.
- [Georgie.]
What? You're left-handed.
Now that I've joined your ranks, I was wondering if you could tell me what to expect.
I don't know.
To me, it's just normal.
But the vast majority of people are right-handed.
There must be some challenges.
It's hard to cut stuff with scissors.
Mom handles most of my cutting needs.
When you shake hands, it's the wrong hand.
I don't shake hands.
It's disgusting.
Oh, when driving, the gear shifter's on the right side.
And I'm not old enough to drive.
Being a lefty doesn't seem so bad.
I don't know why you complain so much.
Don't worry, baby.
I cut everything into bite-size pieces for you.
Maybe you could chew it up and spit it in his mouth.
Please.
Let's just say grace.
Will you two help him with his mittens? - Maybe he doesn't wear them.
- Then I'm not holding hands.
- We ain't gotta hold hands? Sweet.
- I like when we hold hands.
We are holding hands.
Let's go.
Mittens.
Fine.
- Gently.
Gently.
- I'm doing it gently.
- Well, your tone suggests otherwise.
- Just give me your hand.
Gently.
[sighs.]
There.
Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive and bless the hands that prepared it.
And bless Sheldon's arm to heal strong and quick.
Strongly and quickly.
- Amen.
- [all.]
Amen.
I've never operated a fork with my left hand before.
I hope this goes well.
When my buddy Mikey got the cast off his leg, you would not believe how skinny and smelly it was.
Like beef jerky with toes.
Can we please just eat? - Chicken's good.
- Mrs.
Sparks made it.
[Missy.]
Huh? My first bathroom attempt.
Let's hope this goes well.
Let me know if you need help.
I think I'll be okay.
It's just number one.
I'm here if you need me.
Mom, I can't get my zipper down.
I'm coming.
[adult Sheldon.]
I am not saying my mother and I had a codependent relationship [country song playing.]
[Sheldon.]
Mom, I can't get my zipper up.
I'm on my way.
[adult Sheldon.]
but she did have a tendency to baby me, and boy howdy was I okay with that.
- How's this? - It's like I'm doing it myself.
[Sheldon.]
Hmm.
[Sheldon.]
Mmm-mmm.
- Ooh, you got it.
- [Mary.]
Yep.
Chicken.
I don't have to tell you to be gentle.
No, you don't.
[shower running.]
- [Sheldon.]
Washcloth.
- Washcloth.
- [Sheldon.]
Soap.
- Soap.
- [Sheldon.]
Shampoo.
- Shampoo.
- [Sheldon.]
Baby shampoo? - Does E equal MC squared? [Sheldon.]
Love you.
"The quantum properties of matter are to be associated with incompletely defined potentialities, which can be more definitely realized" All right, you're gonna pedal, I'm gonna run behind and hold you up.
- I'm nervous.
- Just pedal.
You'll be fine.
[Mary's voice.]
You're gonna get hurt.
- What? - Put us back on.
- Mom? - You need us.
We'll keep you safe.
This is weird.
We're a team.
You and I belong together.
No.
I have to grow up and go to college.
Forever.
Getting weirder.
Forever and ever.
[Mary's voice.]
Forever and ever.
[Mary.]
"That is, if we try to picture the" No.
Mom's my training wheels.
I can't have training wheels.
- Mom's my training wheels.
- Lot of noise over there.
Everything okay? - I'm not sure.
- What's going on? Ugh.
He was muttering in his sleep that I am his training wheels.
What on earth does that mean? Well, let's think about it.
Training wheels are for little kids.
Maybe he doesn't want to be a little kid anymore.
What does that have to do with me? [chuckles.]
You have made it your life's mission to hold him up.
What are you saying here? That I am wrong to love and protect my son? That he doesn't need his mother to keep an eye on him? I'm not saying that.
I would never say that.
All right, then.
I'm not an idiot.
Did you have a tough time when your kids started being independent? I'll let you know.
What does that mean? It means one of them is still sitting in my kitchen whining about something.
[chuckles.]
Could you be supportive for once? Yes.
Watching your kids grow up is hard.
So how do you handle it? I find a little bourbon in my coffee does the trick.
And we're back to being not helpful.
Look, you haven't even gotten to the worst part of it yet.
They're gonna leave home, they're gonna move to another city.
Oh, Lord.
They're gonna tell you their loser boyfriend has knocked them up.
- Just to be clear, that would be you.
- Sorry.
- Turned my hair gray overnight.
- I said sorry.
Clearly, you're not in the mood to help.
Listen.
It's hard being a parent.
But if you do it right, they don't need you anymore.
Well, I don't like that.
I get it.
But I just don't like it.
Well, I'd point out you always have your husband, but you want me to be "helpful.
" [Sheldon.]
Johannes Diderik van der Waals, Nils Gustaf Dalén, Heike Kamerlingh Onnes.
What are you doing? Listing Nobel Prize winners in physics.
Why? To keep me from cracking this cast like a coconut and scratching my skin off.
- I need Mom to sing "Soft Kitty.
" - Don't do it.
- Why? - You're being a baby again.
But I'm injured.
Big deal, you broke your arm.
Look at Stephen Hawking over there.
He's in a wheelchair.
You don't hear him whining about it with his robot voice.
So you're saying he and I are brilliant minds who have both suffered great physical adversity.
That's not even close to what I'm saying.
Well, that's what I heard.
And if Hawking doesn't let it stop him, then I can't let this cast stop me.
Great.
Go back to sleep.
I will.
And I will do it all by myself.
[singing.]
Soft kitty, warm kitty [Missy.]
Oh, my God.
Little ball of fur Happy kitty, sleepy kitty Purr, purr, purr I did it.
Missy, I did it.
- [groans.]
What? - I slept through the night.
- What time is it? - 6:14.
This is why people hate you.
[upbeat song playing.]
[adult Sheldon.]
My sister's crankiness did not dampen my enthusiasm.
A chicken may have fractured my arm, but nothing could break my can-do spirit.
All in the bowl, none on me.
I call that a successful urination.
Great.
Go teach your brother.
I will not be denied my jelly.
Yes.
Watch out, peanut butter.
You're next.
Who would like to tell us how God touched their lives this week? - Sheldon.
- He didn't, because he doesn't exist.
- Then why raise your hand? - Not just any hand.
My left hand.
Because I'm able to overcome any obstacle.
And maybe God helped you do that.
Actually, it was Stephen Hawking, and he's better because he exists.
Yes, 'cause God made him.
Anybody else? - Billy.
- Is this gonna be in the test? Oh, boy.
[adult Sheldon.]
I took a moment to reflect on myjourney of the last two weeks.
Such emotional growth was worthy of a majestic bubble beard.
But perhaps my sister was right.
This was a time I'd want to remember.
Dad, will you sign my cast? Sure.
And if you have any grammar questions, please ask first.
[sighs.]
"Have a great summer.
Georgie.
" Normally I'd write, "Have a bitching summer," but I figured you wouldn't like that.
I wouldn't.
[adult Sheldon.]
My Meemaw wrote "To my brave Moonpie, you handled this like a true Texan.
" [Meemaw chuckles.]
[adult Sheldon.]
My mom wrote [Mary.]
"Shelly, you'll always be my baby, but I'm so proud of the young man you've become.
Love, Mom.
" And Billy wrote [Billy.]
Billy.
[adult Sheldon.]
The next day, I got my cast off.
In a world where I valued symmetry, I was relieved to see that both my arms were as pale and skinny as ever.
But this Texan had unfinished business to tend to.
Want me to get you started? No.
I can do it.
[adult Sheldon.]
And I did do it.
I rode my bike without training wheels, like an adult.
It would take more than a chicken or the threat of a fractured bone to scare me.
It would take a brown beast named Scraps.
- [barking.]
- [Sheldon screaming.]
- Mommy! - [dog barking.]
[adult Sheldon.]
I rode my bike 11 miles that day.
[Sheldon.]
Mommy! [theme music playing.]