Young Sheldon (2017) s04e07 Episode Script

A Philosophy Class and Worms That Can Chase You

1 Previously on Young Sheldon Which bowtie says "mature enough to be in college, but whimsical enough to discuss which came first, the Higgs field or the photon"? They both say "weird kid who eats alone.
" Hello, Dr.
This is Mary Cooper.
Did you know there's a, uh, supercollider being built - in Waxahachie, Texas? - No.
I've taken a job there.
Hold on.
You're not gonna be around when Sheldon starts college? That's a great question.
Since everyone is going back to school tomorrow, let's finish up with a back-to-school prayer.
What? Does this prayer just apply to middle school, or is it appropriate for the college-bound? It's for everyone.
But thank you once again for reminding us you're starting college.
Oh, I don't mind.
You've got a lot on your plate.
Just pray.
Dear Heavenly Father, as we return to school, we look to your eternal Billy, it's not the pledge.
It is clear that we cannot expect the cooperation Normally I don't like facial hair, but Spock makes it work.
- Hello? - Sheldon, it's Dr.
I'm watching Star Trek: The Original Series.
I'm sorry, I'm not up on my cartoons.
It's not a cartoon.
It's a live-action science fiction show.
Although there is one called Star Trek: The Animated Series.
I believe you.
I was wondering if I can speak with your mommy.
Hold on.
Mom, Dr.
Linkletter's on the phone.
While we wait, here's a fun fact.
In the animated series, Kukulkan was played by James Doohan.
- Hello? - James Doohan played Scotty on Star Trek: The Original Series.
Sheldon, I've got it.
He tried several accents before settling on Scottish.
- Sheldon, hang up.
- Okay.
He felt the Scots were excellent engineers.
Linkletter, what can I do for you? Hello, Mrs.
I just wanted to let you know, with Dr.
Sturgis away, I'll be available should Sheldon need anything.
Oh, that is very comforting to know.
Thank you so much.
His well-being is important to me, as was made abundantly clear by my boss.
Okay, well, we are truly grateful.
Now, I'm not terribly experienced around children.
If he needs to use the restroom, I don't have to go in with him, do I? Bless us, Lord, for the food we are about to receive, and bless the hands that prepared it.
And with school starting tomorrow, please watch over our children.
Pastor Jeff already covered this.
- He did? - Yeah, we're good.
Can I take your truck tomorrow? Well, I think you're riding with me.
Sorry, I'm taking Missy to school, and Meemaw's taking Sheldon.
- Well, can I at least drive? - Sure.
While you hide in the back under a tarp? Stop praying for him and focus on the other two.
Sheldon, good news.
Linkletter was calling to say that while you're at school, if you need anything, you can go to him.
Starting college and you need a babysitter.
That's funny.
I don't need a babysitter.
Linkletter is just around in case there's a problem.
- Like if he needs a new diaper? - Ha! - Enough.
- Can we please have a nice dinner? We could.
But you're the one who wants to eat as a family.
Don't pray for any of 'em.
- Dr.
- Sheldon.
How wonderfully early it is to see you.
If you've come by for a snack, I picked you up some crackers shaped like fish.
I just wanted to let you know that I don't need you to babysit me.
I'm perfectly self-reliant.
I'm not very comfortable around children, even with your level of maturity.
How old are you? Six? Seven? Eleven.
I see.
Then it's good I kept the receipt for this bottle of bubbles shaped like a bear.
I should get going.
My philosophy class starts in a few minutes.
Ah, yes, the great thinkers.
Socrates, Plato.
Speaking of which, I got you some Play-Doh.
I figure you don't want me to walk you in? I've trained you well.
Do you have everything you need? Lunch money? - Yep.
- Locker combination? Right here.
- Why is it there? - Writing on my hand is so fifth grade.
Of course.
Okay, I'm gonna go in.
I assume you don't want a hug? Make it quick.
- That's enough.
- Okay.
- Wish me luck.
- Good luck.
Hey, Brenda.
She didn't want you to walk her in? No.
How about Billy? Oh, I walked him in.
Found his homeroom.
Explained that "homeroom" is different than his room at home.
Still not sure he gets it.
- Tough day.
- Yeah.
You want to get some coffee? I was thinking vodka, but coffee will do.
I've always considered myself a collector of knowledge.
My mind is like the warehouse at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
But instead of artifacts, it's just facts.
And now that I was a full-time college student, my collection was about to grow exponentially.
Welcome to the world of philosophy.
Most college courses are about teaching you things that you don't know.
Here, I am going to teach you that you don't even know what you think you know.
Oh, boy.
The Chinese philosopher Chuang Tzu believed it was possible he didn't really know anything because he might just be a butterfly dreaming that he was a philosopher.
- Yes.
- He wasn't a butterfly.
Well, how do you know? The butterfly brain doesn't contain enough neurons to generate a complex dream.
Plus, you referred to him as Chinese philosopher Chuang Tzu, and not Chinese butterfly Chuang Tzu.
- You must be Sheldon Cooper.
- Yes, ma'am.
Very well, Mr.
Cooper, how do you know you're not just dreaming butterflies can't dream? Because I'm awake.
Or are you dreaming you're awake? You can see I'm awake and you can hear me talking.
Yeah I don't know.
I saw some pretty trippy stuff at a Grateful Dead concert.
The drummer turned into a tap-dancing walrus and floated away.
So we can't really trust our senses, can we? We can validate them by comparing them with other observers.
Mm, but that would mean we have to hear what they say, which requires trusting our senses.
Do you see a problem with your argument, Mr.
Cooper? I could concentrate better if you weren't flashing your toes at me.
Billy's a sweet kid.
But these middle schoolers are gonna eat him alive.
You don't know that.
Maybe they'll be nice.
Boy, if we were in middle school right now, I'd have your head in a toilet so fast.
If you want, I can ask Missy to hang out with him, make sure things go okay.
- Absolutely not.
- Why? That girl is cute and sassy, and has a real chance at being popular.
Do not take that from her.
Or me.
Popularity isn't that important.
It is the most important.
Look at us.
I'm miserable.
You're always worried about something.
I'd like one girl around here to win.
I'm not always worried.
It's Sheldon's first day of college, and you're not freaking out? - It's on my mind.
- Mm.
But he's been looking forward to this for a long time.
I'm sure he's having a wonderful day.
She displayed complete contempt for science.
She claimed that knowledge was a myth, and then she told the class they could take their shoes off.
Some of them did.
Luckily we've established you're a mature young man capable of figuring this out on his own, so, go get 'em, sport.
But as a man of science, aren't you offended by this? Sheldon, this is a college campus.
You come across all sorts.
Anarchists, communists, vegans.
There's a fella in the religion department that believes God is two women, and their names are Wendy and Claire.
But to say nobody actually knows anything, how could she know that? It's a contradiction.
How about I blow some bubbles out of a bear's head and we call it a day? I don't know how I'm going to last all semester with this freewheeling hippy.
Sheldon, I don't know what to tell you.
If you're that unhappy, just drop the class.
Of course.
Drop the class.
This is college.
I can do that.
- There you go.
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
From now on, I'm coming to you with all my problems.
Oh "The statement on the other side of this sign is true.
" Ugh.
Professor Ericson? Come in.
Cooper, welcome.
How can I help you? I would like to drop your class.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
I enjoyed our discussion about skepticism.
And butterflies.
I'm a scientist, and I don't find those types of questions worth my time.
And butterflies are just worms that can chase you.
The questions of philosophy are extremely challenging.
People have spent 2,000-plus years trying to solve them without success.
So if you feel like giving up, I don't blame you.
I'm not giving up.
I'm saying they're not important.
Okay, so what is important? The acquisition of factual knowledge.
And how do you know if something is factual? You test it and see if it holds true.
And how do you know that that's factual? You're doing it again.
Maybe you're dreaming I'm doing it.
How was your first day? Infuriating.
How was your first day? So good.
How was your first day? And then she said, "Maybe you're just dreaming.
" - Are you gonna drop the class? - Yes, but only after I systematically destroy her half-baked arguments in front of everybody else.
It's good to have goals.
And at lunch, an eighth-grade boy said, and I quote, "I like Funyuns, too.
" Wow.
I know.
I stopped at the library today and picked up books on epistemology, Descartes's dream argument and the foundations of scientific logic.
Do you know what she's going to do? Rue the day? The day, the night.
If it's rue-able, she's going to rue it.
And in math class, I sit right between Heather M.
and Heather B.
It's nice you're with your friends.
It's more than nice.
All notes go through me.
That's power.
She's my cherry pie Cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise Tastes so good, make a grown man cry Sweet cherry pie, yeah.
The good name of Lady Science had been besmirched and it was up to me to defend her honor.
I had a lot of ground to cover in one night.
Thankfully, 11 years of my family's incessant yammering had given me an extraordinary ability to focus.
But I want to watch Fresh Prince.
Too bad.
The game is on.
There's always a game on.
Dad? Sorry, kid, it's the Cowboys.
But it's the season premiere.
Fresh Prince's family gets tickets to the People's Choice Awards.
I'm not missing it.
"Present investigations aim to establish a constructional system.
That is, an epistemic, logical system of objects" My show's only 30 minutes.
Yours is three hours.
But yours don't have them cheerleaders - jumping up and down.
- Mom? What if we don't turn the TV on at all and we play a board game? - Come on.
- Seriously? "So that a genealogy of concepts results, in which each one has its definite place.
" Shelly, it's your turn.
Shelly? What's happening? We're playing a board game.
Before dinner? You ate dinner.
Did I like it? You said the meat loaf was dry.
That sounds right.
- Hi, Brenda.
- I just wanted to see how today went.
Not great.
Sheldon is already in some sort of fight with his philosophy professor.
- About what? - Currently, he's plotting "the destruction of her worldview," - whatever that means.
- Sounds exciting.
It's mostly him reading a book and giggling to himself.
How about Billy? Not much better.
- Oh.
- In Spanish class, every time the teacher said "Sí,"Billy said, "See what?" Oh, Billy.
I know, but if I don't laugh about it I'll cry.
I'm sorry.
How did Missy do? I think Missy had the best day of her life.
Oh, thank God.
Tell me everything.
Well, in one class she sits between her friends, so the note-passing goes through her.
She's gonna get the dirt firsthand.
That's huge.
And then an eighth-grade boy talked to her at lunch.
- On the first day? - Uh-huh.
She's gonna be prom queen.
I'm calling it.
That's fun, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Mary, it'll be a miracle if Billy even makes it to high school.
Don't take this away from me.
Missy is gonna look so cute in that tiara.
Yes, she is.
That's the Fresh Prince.
He's from West Philadelphia.
Born and raised.
It was past my bedtime, but who could sleep with a page-turner like Meditations on First Philosophy by René Descartes? Descartes was more than just a philosopher.
He was also the mathematician who invented the Cartesian plane.
If you've ever enjoyed that X squared plus Y squared equals K is a circle, you can say merci beaucoup to Monsieur Descartes.
Hello? Bonjour, Sheldon.
Bonjour, René Descartes.
Please, sit.
I see you're reading a book on philosophy by Aristotle.
I am.
And it is garbage! Aristotle is, how you say, a punk! I'm also having trouble with my philosophy professor.
She says that we don't know if science is true.
Mon dieu! Without science, we know nothing.
No different than the dogs and kitties in the street wandering around in a fog of ignorance with the woofings and the meowings.
So how do I get her to understand that science can form true beliefs about reality as it really is? Ah, young man.
You are you asking what is the foundation of knowledge, huh? - Yes.
- Well, hold on to your chapeau.
I'm not wearing a chapeau.
It is just an expression.
All knowledge must rest on a foundation that we can never doubt and that is Of course.
So we learned that the theory of knowledge poses some very serious problems.
Excuse me, Professor Ericson.
I've done a little reading since last we spoke, and I'm prepared to show you that everything we know about science is true.
Well, I am all ears.
You said I couldn't truly know anything, but there is one thing that I do know.
If I question, I must think; if I think, I must exist.
Cogito, ergo sum: I think, therefore I am.
You're right.
You're darn right I'm right.
Guys, g-give it up for Sheldon.
Now for a job well done here is a flower full of sweet nectar.
Why would I want that? Because you're a butterfly and this is just your dream.
I'm not a butterfly.
Are you sure? It was a dream.
Oh, no.
Help! I'm a butterfly! Nothing I know is real! Everything is a dream! Missy, help! No! Missy, am I awake or is this a dream? Shut up, dingus.
Okay, I'm awake.
Shelly, you feeling all right? Yes.
How come you're not dressed? Why should I? 'Cause you're gonna be late for school.
- I'm not going to school.
- Why not? Because I don't know what's real.
What does that mean? Dreaming and waking, life and death, philosophers and butterflies, they're all the same.
Nothing matters.
That's an interesting way of looking at things.
Previous EpisodeNext Episode