Young Sheldon (2017) s05e22 Episode Script

A Clogged Pore, a Little Spanish, and the Future

1 - Previously on Young Sheldon - George? - Roy.
- You work here now? Yeah, just nights and weekends since you and the boosters are gunning for my neck.
- What's going on? - I'm pregnant.
People are talking about Georgie.
Maybe take some time off.
Focus on things at home.
Are you firing her? Is that really necessary? I believe it is.
ADULT SHELDON: I've heard people say fathers are the real superheroes.
My dad couldn't fly or bend steel, and you would not want to see him in Spandex.
But like Superman, he had his Fortress of Solitude.
♪ Can I get another? Hey, George.
Great.
Come on, now, don't be like that.
Let me buy you a beer.
I don't need your beer and don't act like we're friends.
Just being nice.
Right.
You try to get me fired, and then buy me a beer, and everything's good.
George, the whole damn town knows your team's a disaster.
Is that so? Should I take a poll? You should go back to your table.
I don't want to kick a man when he's down.
Oh, I ain't down.
I hate to tell you.
But, yeah, you are.
Yeah, you better walk away.
ADULT SHELDON: This is why the only bar I frequent is the Genius Bar at the Apple Store.
Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ I am a mighty little man.
♪ ♪ What is that? A bug bite? A.
V.
: Hello, allow me to introduce myself.
I am Acne Vulgarus.
More commonly known as the pimple.
Frankly, neither name paints a very pretty picture, but such is the life of a pustule.
And this is my longtime colleague, Pus.
Now, we're usually associated with, uh, ugliness and discomfort, but I would argue we're actually a symbol of growth.
In this case, Sheldon Cooper's ascent or descent into adulthood.
Kind of a signpost that says, "You are now entering puberty.
" - Yeah, like that.
- Doesn't look like a bug bite.
It's probably a pimple.
It's not, I don't get those.
As you might expect, we pimples are not very fond of popping things, but I was about to burst this young man's bubble.
- Oh, yeah, that's a zit.
- No, it's not.
- My hygiene is impeccable.
- Zit.
Everybody gets 'em sooner or later, baby.
I'm not everybody.
No one is ever happy to see me.
My therapist says that's their problem, not mine.
But, honestly, it hurts.
Pus? This is supposed to be a safe space.
So I ran into Roy last night.
Okay.
Sounds like I'm done here.
- He said that? - Basically.
[sighs.]
It's probably that coach from Carthage.
Actually it's not.
What's going on? I got offered the job.
- Wayne.
- I-I didn't answer yet.
I wanted to talk it over with you first.
What's to talk about? You want it, right? Well, yeah, but but not behind your back.
I'll make it easy for you.
That did not make it easier.
Morning, George.
I know what's going on.
I'm sorry.
I did everything I could.
- You know I'm on your side.
- Yeah, right.
We still want you to finish out the year.
I'm not doing that.
I quit.
Come on, George.
Is there a chance I keep my job? No.
Then at least let me leave on my own terms.
All right.
I'll take a beer.
Celebrating a win? No, I've been losing all morning.
Couple more of them, you won't give a crap.
Let's hope.
What the hell are you doing? Making extra money.
Are you crazy? You're gonna get us all arrested.
You're paying off the cops, ain't you? For gambling.
You start selling liquor without a license, you're asking for trouble.
I'm having a baby.
I need cash.
Well, think of something else.
Well, can I have a raise? Are you selling that or drinking it? Give me that.
Hey.
How is this empty already? It was my lunch.
This is just a pimple.
Well, how can you be sure it isn't chickenpox? Or smallpox? Or monkeypox, which I know sounds made-up, but is very real.
Have you been near any monkeys? - No.
- Try benzoyl peroxide.
It's over the counter.
Oh, no, not benzoyl peroxide.
[high-pitched.]
: I'm melting! I'm melting! Give me a break.
But a pimple is a sign of puberty, and I'm showing no other indicators.
No armpit or chest hair, and I have so little interest in the opposite sex, I barely noticed you're a woman.
Thank you.
What are you doing home? I quit my job.
What? Why? The school offered it to Wayne.
I wasn't gonna sit around waiting to get fired.
Oh.
- You doing okay? - No, Mary, not really.
We're standing here without jobs in a house we're not done paying for.
Well, you're still working at Ballard's, right? That ain't gonna cover the mortgage.
We've been through tough spots before.
We'll figure it out and I know you don't want to hear it, but I've been praying on this You're right.
I don't want to hear it.
[knocking.]
SHELDON: Dr.
Linkletter, may I speak with you? If I say no, will you leave? No.
Then why even ask? It's called manners.
What do you want? I was hoping we could discuss puberty.
Then allow me to dash your hopes.
No.
But I think I may be entering it, and I would like to talk about it, man-to-blossoming-young-man.
Wouldn't you rather talk to your father or a schoolmate or literally anyone else? But you went through it once.
Sure, it was a long, long time ago, but I'm assuming the basics haven't changed.
Hold that thought.
Okay, so, what's the problem? I wanted to talk with Dr.
Linkletter about puberty.
And I wanted to avoid litigation.
Hey, if we can't sell beer, what about cigarettes? We could make money and keep people from leaving to go buy more.
That's not a bad idea.
I could go down to Walmart, buy some cartons.
- We could mark 'em up like crazy.
- Mm-hmm.
Reminds me of when I was young and we used to go down across the border and get 'em cheap in Mexico.
How cheap? Well, between the taxes and the peso, practically nothing.
[chuckles.]
Let's do that.
I'm not driving to Mexico.
I don't need you.
I'll go.
Where do I go? - I'm not telling you.
- Why? 'Cause you're dumb in this country.
God knows what you are anywhere else.
Fine.
I'll just head south and see where it takes me.
I'm impressed you knew it was south.
But what if it's scratchy and it's all I can think about? It's just armpit hair.
Well, I don't even have it yet and it's already consuming my thoughts.
All right, Sheldon, you are a smart kid.
Now, you had to know that this was gonna happen eventually.
I'm a smart kid now, but what will I be in a year? A smart young man.
And then a smart adult.
With money problems and marital strife and every other problem you can think of.
I'll probably have a beer belly.
Or root beer belly.
All right, now, Sheldon [chuckles.]
being a grown-up isn't all bad, right? - Eh.
- I mean, yeah, sure, your you know, your body starts to fall apart.
But there is a window at about, mm, 22 where everything's just mwah.
Oh, when I was 22, I was a strapping blonde oak of a man.
I'd walk down the street, you could hear the knees buckle.
If I could go back, I would wear nothing but a bikini, 24-7.
My mind was a steel trap.
I could rattle off pi to 25 places.
Today not sure where I parked.
I once went to France for a month with a man I met in the airport bar.
[sighs.]
Missed my grandmother's funeral, but ooh, la-la.
It all went by so fast.
Too fast.
I'm new to puberty.
Is this sexual tension? [door opens.]
Here.
What's this? Classifieds.
Let's do this.
Really? Yeah, we could sit here and sulk or we can find jobs.
Now, pick up that pen and start circling.
All right.
Let's see what we have here.
Here's one.
Oh.
College degree required.
Hmm.
Eh - I can't type.
- I can.
90 words a minute? Let's keep looking.
In fact, I bet I find a job faster than you can.
We'll see about that.
How are we not qualified for anything? Well, there were a couple.
I'm not gonna be night security guard at the junkyard, George.
- You can.
- You know I get sleepy.
So I'll pick you up in the morning? Well, not too early.
I have to walk Mitzy.
Your dog? The wife.
She got a new hip, and the doc says she needs to keep it moving.
Well, I still need your address.
4244 Hibiscus Court.
What's going on here? Wade's coming with me to Mexico.
- Why? - It's a long drive.
And he knows a little Spanish.
Sí.
Okay.
¿Sí? You're gonna get yourself killed.
I got no choice.
I got a kid coming.
If you're hell-bent on going to Mexico, I'm going with you.
- Shotgun.
- You are not coming, Wade.
¿Comprende? Sí.
[TV playing indistinctly.]
Hey, good news.
I was picking up some groceries at Davidson's.
They're hiring.
Yeah, well, good for you.
I got an application for you, too.
I'm not working at a supermarket, Mary.
Why not? 'Cause I was head coach of the high school football team.
I'm not bagging people's groceries.
It's an honest job, George.
It's embarrassing.
It's embarrassing to provide for your family? It's embarrassing that I busted my ass all these years, and this is where I am.
I'm right there with you.
I lost my job, too.
Yeah, it's exactly the same.
You know what you are? I'm not gonna say it, but you know.
[clears throat.]
What the hell? Help.
Something weird's going on.
Not now, George.
I have to finish making the kids' lunches, get them to school, and then go looking for a new job.
But I'm turning into my father.
I don't have time for whatever crisis you're going through.
And why are you still wearing that uniform? You don't even work there anymore.
Well, maybe nothing else was clean.
You're a grown man you can wash your own clothes.
Would you two quit fighting? You ain't the only one with problems.
For God's sakes, why are you always here? Don't be mean to her.
You're mean to me.
I'm just dropping off your mail, fatass.
And it's nothing but bills.
Just got back from the baby doctor.
Mandy's having triplets.
Dang it.
How we gonna handle all this? I guess Sheldon's gonna have to drop out of school and get a job.
I hear the coal mine's hiring.
Ain't that too messy for him? The boy's got to grow up sometime.
Ain't that the truth.
He's got that nasty pimple, so he's well on his way.
Whoa.
Heavy stuff.
But like a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly, things need to get a little weird along the way.
[laughs.]
How can people not like us? That was awesome.
And Pus is available for children's parties.
MISSY: I hate you.
This better be an emergency.
My pimple has me concerned about the future.
Not an emergency.
Good night.
But we're twins and we have a special bond, so you can't ignore me in my time of need.
Watch me.
And I'm scared.
Damn it.
What's the problem? My childhood is ending.
So? Look at everyone around us they're all miserable.
Mom and Dad are unemployed.
They're constantly fighting.
Georgie's having a child.
First of all, no one's having a kid with you, ever.
Don't be so sure.
With this intellect, my genetic material will be a hot commodity.
- [groans.]
- That's how I feel.
How does the future not concern you? I guess there's stuff I'm looking forward to.
Like what? - Going on dates? - Boring.
- Driving.
- Scary.
Getting married.
Hopefully to Vanilla Ice.
You want to marry a snow cone? Sheldon, there has to be stuff you're excited to do.
Of course.
Getting my PhD, winning the Nobel Prize, getting to meet Professor Proton, working with Stephen Hawking.
Okay, so, when you start to get upset, focus on that stuff.
But what if I grow up and none of those things ever happen? All you can do is try and find out.
Those are the fundamentals of the scientific method.
No doy.
[TV playing indistinctly.]
The actual retail price of the cedar chest is $600 - I got today's classifieds.
- Great.
- Want to look through them? - Not really.
Is this what you're gonna do all day? I got a shift at Ballard's later.
Can you get off my back? Fine.
I'm gonna go find a job.
You just sit there and feel sorry for yourself.
Done.
You are going to play Plinko Ooh, Plinko.
Once we hit 281, it's a straight shot to the border.
It's all crazy.
What is? A year ago I had nothing to worry about.
I had no idea how good I had it.
[laughs.]
Well, what if a year from now it's a disaster, and this looks good? That's not helping.
Oh, relax, someday you'll be my age, your kids'll be grown up, all be good again.
But that's, like, 50 years from now.
Yeah, I waited a long time for it.
So quit your bitching.
Ooh, I love this song.
Bound by wild desires ♪ I fell into a ring of fire ♪ My life's falling apart and you're singing? I fell into a burning ring of fire ♪ I went down, down, down ♪ And the flames went higher ♪ And it burns, burns, burns ♪ That ring of fire ♪ Where? The ring of fire ♪ [vocalizing.]
Oh, hey, Mary.
Hey.
If you're looking for your mother, her league's not today.
Actually, I'm here for you.
Why's that? I saw in the classifieds that you're looking for help.
I would like to apply.
[scoffs.]
You don't want to work here.
I mean, there's a bar.
God hates that.
Jesus turned water into wine.
I think he'd be cool with it.
Well, you know, it's it's actually a pretty boring job.
It's mostly payroll and bookkeeping.
- That is exactly what I did at the church.
- Mm-hmm.
In fact, you might say it's right up my alley.
I don't know, Mary.
We're neighbors.
Is this a good idea? Honestly everything is falling apart.
I just need one good thing to happen.
Maybe we should go to the emergency room.
- It's just a pimple.
Pop it.
- No.
I'll do it.
I like when it hits the mirror.
Now hold still.
It seems we've reached the end of our time with Sheldon.
But it's never truly goodbye.
We'll be back in moments of stress.
Like a big test.
Or my personal favorite, school picture day How was your day? Awful.
Oh.
Well I have good news.
I could use it.
I got a job at the bowling alley.
[gulps.]
Working with Brenda? Every day.
[phone ringing.]
That is really really good news.
Mm-hmm.
- Hello.
- Hey, George, it's Connie.
What's up? Georgie and I ran into a little problem at the border.
What border? The Mexican one.
- We got arrested.
- What? Who is it? ADULT SHELDON: My sister encouraged me to embrace adolescence as a journey of scientific discovery.
I stood before a whole new teenage world of music, slang words and even clothing styles.
Pretty groovy, huh? Wow, I might look too cool.

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