LABF16 - The Great Wife Hope

Marge: I Googled girls having fun, and after wading through 97,000 pages of porn, I found crazy bowling.

Bart: Thanks for bringing me here, dad. I'll remember this day on my deathbed.

Homer: Not everyone has a deathbed, son. You could die suddenly.

Lenny: Three hours of half-naked guys fighting like animals.

Homer: Ask him.

Bart: Sir, could you sign my program with a swear word?

Homer: Ah yes, filthy but obscure with a subtle scatological undertone.

Homer: Now, listen, son, I know we saw some awesome beat-downs tonight, but remember: don't try this at home. Do it at the schoolyard. Someplace where, if you get hurt, we can sue not just them but the school, the county, the state, and that jackass Joe Biden.

Nelson: Python neck clinch and... out.

Nelson: Next victim.

Ralph: Ding! Ding! Ding!

Marge: Bart Simpson! I'm glad your father isn't here to see this.

Nelson: When I grow up, I hope to go into event planning.

Marge: Maybe someday you can do Lisa's wedding.

Nelson: I'd like that.

Homer: Ultimate Punching is exploitative, violent, and a bad influence on our young people. Studies have shown your mother is right.

Bart: What the...? Chocolate, whipped cream, cherries! she got to you with a piece of Black Forest cake.

Homer: It wasn't just a piece, it was the whole cake! Frosting like snow on the eaves of a Bavarian castle!

Bart: Glad you didn't come cheap.

Homer: I couldn't help it! She knew my one weakness, that I'm weak!

Homer: Five, six, who's got tix?

Man selling tickets: Seven, eight, use that gate.

Helen: Let's talk about Marge behind her back.

Bernice: Have you ever noticed how that baby of hers never says a thing?

Luanne: I think it saw something awful.

Helen: Me, too.

Edna: That's exactly what it is.

Luanne: What else could it be?

Chett: That woman has natural breasts. This can't be good.

Marge: What?! That's crazy.

Bart: Or kick the crap out of you.

Homer: Watch your language, moron.

Carl: You think just 'cause I'm black I know all other black people?

Master: Now, we stick foot in mouth, tie arms like pretzel, and pop discs in spine like bubble wrap.

Mr Burns: Side-mount! Takedown! Advantage! Reversal! Reversal! Clinch! Clinch, I say!

Skinner: In order to save money, the following presidents will no longer be taught: Buchanan, Fillmore, Pierce, Bush, Bush

Martin: It's my own fault. I looked them in the eye when I gave them my lunch money.

Skinner: I'm well aware of the situation.

Moe: Let's go, Marge. My class reunion starts in an hour.

Homer: Uh, Moe, I have a confession to make. I'm just Homer dressed as Marge.

Moe: Yeah, but last year I took Barney dressed as Marge. Think how much better they'll think you look.

Homer: Well, you'd better not leave me and talk to your old friends all night.

Moe: Keep talkin' like that and I'll leave you here right now!

Sideshow Mel: Krusty, I'm honored you invited me tonight.

Krusty: Yeah, I thought a noisy public place would be the best spot to tell you that I've been dating your wife.

Sideshow Mel: What?!

Krusty: Also, could you tell her I'm dumping her? After 11 years, the thrill is gone.

Chett: That's the first time I ever hit a woman I didn't love.

Moe: Come on! Get back on your feet! I believe in you!

Barney: I'm doin' it, Moe!

Moe: Not you.

Barney: Oh, thank God. The pressure's off.

Bart: Hit my Mom, will ya? I'm gonna knock you out and moon your corpse.

Marge: Tap out! Don't make me break your arm!

Moe: There sure is a lot o' talkin' for a professional fight.

Lenny: That's what you get when you fight a woman.

Carl: Yap, yap, yap

Bart: Hey, Lise...

Lisa: Yeah?

Bart: I don't know when we'll be in a septagon again. Want to settle this bad blood that's been going on between us since you were born?

Lisa: You're on.

Lisa: Two drunk guys were fighting outside and everyone went to watch.

Homer: Oh oh! Can I go, Marge? Can I? Can I?