Robot Chicken s11e04 Episode Script
May Cause the Exact Thing You're Taking This to Avoid
1
[Theme music playing]
MAN: It's alive!
[Cackling]
[Cackling]
[Roaring]
[Grunts]
[Roars]
[Laughs]
Looks like we're going to get
ourselves an Oh, shit!
Ah, bollocks!
We need a thousand
yards of giant chain
to drag that beat out of the drink!
If only I'd anticipated this!
Or did I?!
[Horns horn]
Night King,
I'm the king of the ice town
Learned strategy
while studying at Georgetown
I been planning how to knock
a big wall down!
- Shh! - Make Jonny Snow's
Night's Watch have a meltdown
Don't be doubtin' me,
the king of the night
Brought a giant dragon arrow
to this fight
And if you think I'd lose that
lizard down the drain
It's time you haters meet the
guy we call Whitey Two-Chain
Oh, you need chains, son,
I got 'em by the mile
Sell chains by the link,
I sell 'em by the pile
Whitey Two's been bustin' chains
Since you was eatin' babies
Big chains for the dragons
And gold ones for the ladies
So if you need chains,
any place, any time
Call Whitey,
triple-50-1-69
ANNOUNCER: Need chains?
Call Whitey Two-Chains,
day or night, he's got you
covered in chains!
- Hey!
- I'm on an ice dragon!
Good news, our live action
remake of the "Goofy" movie
is a hit; bad news, Disney is
officially out of old
animated movies
to regurgitate into gold!
"Song of the South"?
Oh, no, wait.
That's only partly animated.
I'm sorry! [Grunts]
Maybe we could
make something original.
Oh, I said the bad thing
out loud!
I might have an idea for you.
Walt Disney! You came back!
I was buried under a sea of
garbage in the animation vault,
but now I'm free.
Larry, I'm going to need you
to gesticulate a little less.
So, look, there is one film
in the vault
no one ever talks about
a bit thin
in the narrative department.
But with some tweaks, it'll make
a humdinger of a feature.
Come on, Larry, drop me a fatty.
[Beat-boxing]
In the early days of Disney
Pioneering cartoon features
I had a cracking vision that
made shorties for the teachers
I just loved impartin' wisdom
and enhancing education
But the film I loved the most
was The Story of Menstruation
We'll tell the tale of a girly
who's about to be a lady
And her ovaries are cranky
'cause they wanna make a baby
And her uterus is pushing and
her bladder's 'bout to blow
And the villain of our story
is her ugly Aunt Flo
FLO: You'll be gushing
blood for days
From your teenage ragamuffin
And the only way to staunch it
is my friend here Mr. Stuffin'
- [Laughter]
- MAN: Stop, stop, stop! Come on!
I had 10 more minutes of that!
This is no film, Mr. Disney.
It's a franchise!
- Green light!
- Jumping sound!
[Reading]
Can you bring me
my coffee, Jamiroquai?
Okay
[Music]
Not, not, not. That's not
where the coffee is. Not.
You know what?
I'll just get it myself.
Butterfly, tree, ladybug, cloud.
Liminal iconography
representing human aspirations
divided between the spiritual
and the temporal.
Another bird, goldfish.
Hang on, Luke, you can keep warm
by sleeping in this dead tauntaun.
[Dramatic chord]
[Grunting]
Jerry! Oh, Jerry!
The kids and I
thought you were dead!
- Come on, let's get you home.
- Ah, crap.
No, no
I'm not touching you!
Everyone good with
ice rats for dinner?
- I've got to get out of here.
- Stop it, stop it, stop it!
Dad, you promised
we'd throw the ball!
- [Grunts]
- Ow!
Way to get in front of it, Dad!
You're great at baseball.
You promised you'd
teach me to dance.
Wow, your moves are both
def and fresh!
Dad, you dance like
M.C. Hammerhead!
Where do you think you're going?
[Whispering] It's Wednesday.
- [Squealing]
- [Grunting]
ALL: Happy birthday!
You're the heart
of this family, Jerry.
I don't know where
we'd be without you.
It says we love you, Dad!
- Blow out the candles, Dad!
- Uh [Sputtering]
- Yay!
- We'll go cut you a slice.
Here you are, kid!
I've been tracking you for months.
Let's get out of here.
I used to think my destiny
was being a Jedi,
but now I know
it's to be a good father
as a man inside of
a dead tauntaun body.
- [Stammering]
- [Chuckles nervously]
- Oops.
- Well, I'll go next.
I'm actually in ewok
who hid in this body
- after I crash landed on this planet.
- And I am tauntaun,
but I'm in the body
of another dead tauntaun.
Oh, then I guess it's time to go.
Oh, my God, that means
no more responsibilities for Susan!
[Woman vocalizing]
[Somber cello music]
[Mugging]
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
Hee-hee
[Sobbing]
Oh, good heavens!
I shouldn't have taken
so much melatonin last night!
Wait, where am I?
[Photographers shouting,
goose squawking]
So, Mr. Kenobi
under job experience,
you wrote "influencer."
You know, that's that's
not a real job, right?
- It is a real job.
- It is a real job.
You want to see
some of my bikini pics?
I want to see
some of your bikini pics.
Oh, boy! Vacation!
Despite my monotone
personality, I too am excited.
Yeah, man,
I may be the Grim Reaper,
but sometimes you need
an adventure that ain't so grim.
VOICE: Welcome aboard
Malaysia Airlines Flight 370.
We've got nothing but
smooth sailing ahead of us.
Me hate them so much.
Are those your kids?
They're darling.
No, mon. I'm the Grim Reaper.
They want me
as an indentured servant
in a rigged limbo competition.
- It's all in the Wikipedia.
- That's awful.
It's 2014
March 8, 2014, to be exact.
And slavery is not cool in 2014,
not that it was ever.
It was never cool, guys.
Never, ever.
Maybe she's right.
- Whoa!
- Grim?! Grim!
No more "Grim Adventures of
Billy and Mandy," mon!
[Screaming]
You're damn right, no bodies
were ever found!
Took a vote on the plane
and everyone wanted to visit
the island from "Lost"!
Grim Reaper magic, mon!
I can make that shit happen.
Happy little trees.
[Chainsaw droning, tree screams]
[Tree screaming, saw whirring]
Why?!
Happy little trees. So happy,
and if I say it loud enough,
I can't hear their unhappy
little screams.
- Hey, fuck you!
- Let's practice cloud smudges
using just our fingers
happy clouds.
Maxwell, it's so cool you invited us
to your home of Sylvania
for spring break.
Plus it means we didn't have to go
to Gena's a cappella competition.
Their version of "Amazing Grace" is
Auditory assault!
You are such a dick, Steve, I
don't even know why I date you.
It is my pleasure to present you,
my non-Sylvanian college friends,
at the Sylvanian Summer Festival
as my special gifts.
- You mean guests, right?
- We are here!
Um, why are the elephant people
the same size as
the squirrel people?
It is the Sylvanian Family way,
don't think about it,
and lose yourself
in some 10,000 proof mead!
Oh, no, thanks. It feels like
I'm choking just being here.
Don't mind if I do!
- Holy shitballs, that is raw!
- [Laughs]
Mother, father, sister, come
Gena, meet my family.
Any friend of Maxwell
is a friend of ours,
especially one
with such fine birthing hips.
We made you this traditional
Sylvanian bridal flock!
- Um, I'm sorry?
- My parents are the tailors
of Sylvania
it's not like you're marrying
Mother Earth or anything.
- Yet!
- [All laughing]
Okay, uh, Steve
do you think we could just, like
Steve!
[Giggling]
Freya Chocolate Rabbit is in heat!
- And she likes you, lucky boy!
- Steve is my boyfriend.
He doesn't fuck rabbits.
Gena, we said we're going
to experience
everything about Sylvanian
culture, now stop
You're blocking me, Gena.
Well, Freya can't mate
with another rabbit
because all of the rabbits
and Sylvania are related,
just like all the hedgehogs
- and the squirrels and hippos.
- Oh, my God!
If we made amongst ourselves,
we end up with weird variants
like Giant Ralph
Walnut Squirrel,
[Grinding]
- Sylvanian brunch is served!
- Oh! This place is madness!
Steve, we've gotta ge
Where's Steve?!
Oh, listen, listen, I think he's
deep inside the rabbit hole!
[Moaning]
Steve!
[Whooping]
I am with child, I can feel it.
Whoo-ha!
- Steven!
- Hey, baby.
It turns out Sylvanian culture
is fuckin' awesome.
I'm totally breaking up with you.
You can't leave, we already
skinned Patrick Bear!
As our Sylvanian
Summer Queen,
you must dress Steve in this
skin and burn him alive!
- It is the Sylvania Family way!
- Burn Steve? Mm
Now we administer the nectar
of Sylvanian lotus berry
so he feels no pain
No!
I want him to feel this burn!
- Ladies?!
- Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch
like me
I once was lost,
but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
STEVE: Burn me!
[Theme music playing]
MAN: It's alive!
[Cackling]
[Cackling]
[Roaring]
[Grunts]
[Roars]
[Laughs]
Looks like we're going to get
ourselves an Oh, shit!
Ah, bollocks!
We need a thousand
yards of giant chain
to drag that beat out of the drink!
If only I'd anticipated this!
Or did I?!
[Horns horn]
Night King,
I'm the king of the ice town
Learned strategy
while studying at Georgetown
I been planning how to knock
a big wall down!
- Shh! - Make Jonny Snow's
Night's Watch have a meltdown
Don't be doubtin' me,
the king of the night
Brought a giant dragon arrow
to this fight
And if you think I'd lose that
lizard down the drain
It's time you haters meet the
guy we call Whitey Two-Chain
Oh, you need chains, son,
I got 'em by the mile
Sell chains by the link,
I sell 'em by the pile
Whitey Two's been bustin' chains
Since you was eatin' babies
Big chains for the dragons
And gold ones for the ladies
So if you need chains,
any place, any time
Call Whitey,
triple-50-1-69
ANNOUNCER: Need chains?
Call Whitey Two-Chains,
day or night, he's got you
covered in chains!
- Hey!
- I'm on an ice dragon!
Good news, our live action
remake of the "Goofy" movie
is a hit; bad news, Disney is
officially out of old
animated movies
to regurgitate into gold!
"Song of the South"?
Oh, no, wait.
That's only partly animated.
I'm sorry! [Grunts]
Maybe we could
make something original.
Oh, I said the bad thing
out loud!
I might have an idea for you.
Walt Disney! You came back!
I was buried under a sea of
garbage in the animation vault,
but now I'm free.
Larry, I'm going to need you
to gesticulate a little less.
So, look, there is one film
in the vault
no one ever talks about
a bit thin
in the narrative department.
But with some tweaks, it'll make
a humdinger of a feature.
Come on, Larry, drop me a fatty.
[Beat-boxing]
In the early days of Disney
Pioneering cartoon features
I had a cracking vision that
made shorties for the teachers
I just loved impartin' wisdom
and enhancing education
But the film I loved the most
was The Story of Menstruation
We'll tell the tale of a girly
who's about to be a lady
And her ovaries are cranky
'cause they wanna make a baby
And her uterus is pushing and
her bladder's 'bout to blow
And the villain of our story
is her ugly Aunt Flo
FLO: You'll be gushing
blood for days
From your teenage ragamuffin
And the only way to staunch it
is my friend here Mr. Stuffin'
- [Laughter]
- MAN: Stop, stop, stop! Come on!
I had 10 more minutes of that!
This is no film, Mr. Disney.
It's a franchise!
- Green light!
- Jumping sound!
[Reading]
Can you bring me
my coffee, Jamiroquai?
Okay
[Music]
Not, not, not. That's not
where the coffee is. Not.
You know what?
I'll just get it myself.
Butterfly, tree, ladybug, cloud.
Liminal iconography
representing human aspirations
divided between the spiritual
and the temporal.
Another bird, goldfish.
Hang on, Luke, you can keep warm
by sleeping in this dead tauntaun.
[Dramatic chord]
[Grunting]
Jerry! Oh, Jerry!
The kids and I
thought you were dead!
- Come on, let's get you home.
- Ah, crap.
No, no
I'm not touching you!
Everyone good with
ice rats for dinner?
- I've got to get out of here.
- Stop it, stop it, stop it!
Dad, you promised
we'd throw the ball!
- [Grunts]
- Ow!
Way to get in front of it, Dad!
You're great at baseball.
You promised you'd
teach me to dance.
Wow, your moves are both
def and fresh!
Dad, you dance like
M.C. Hammerhead!
Where do you think you're going?
[Whispering] It's Wednesday.
- [Squealing]
- [Grunting]
ALL: Happy birthday!
You're the heart
of this family, Jerry.
I don't know where
we'd be without you.
It says we love you, Dad!
- Blow out the candles, Dad!
- Uh [Sputtering]
- Yay!
- We'll go cut you a slice.
Here you are, kid!
I've been tracking you for months.
Let's get out of here.
I used to think my destiny
was being a Jedi,
but now I know
it's to be a good father
as a man inside of
a dead tauntaun body.
- [Stammering]
- [Chuckles nervously]
- Oops.
- Well, I'll go next.
I'm actually in ewok
who hid in this body
- after I crash landed on this planet.
- And I am tauntaun,
but I'm in the body
of another dead tauntaun.
Oh, then I guess it's time to go.
Oh, my God, that means
no more responsibilities for Susan!
[Woman vocalizing]
[Somber cello music]
[Mugging]
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
Hee-hee
[Sobbing]
Oh, good heavens!
I shouldn't have taken
so much melatonin last night!
Wait, where am I?
[Photographers shouting,
goose squawking]
So, Mr. Kenobi
under job experience,
you wrote "influencer."
You know, that's that's
not a real job, right?
- It is a real job.
- It is a real job.
You want to see
some of my bikini pics?
I want to see
some of your bikini pics.
Oh, boy! Vacation!
Despite my monotone
personality, I too am excited.
Yeah, man,
I may be the Grim Reaper,
but sometimes you need
an adventure that ain't so grim.
VOICE: Welcome aboard
Malaysia Airlines Flight 370.
We've got nothing but
smooth sailing ahead of us.
Me hate them so much.
Are those your kids?
They're darling.
No, mon. I'm the Grim Reaper.
They want me
as an indentured servant
in a rigged limbo competition.
- It's all in the Wikipedia.
- That's awful.
It's 2014
March 8, 2014, to be exact.
And slavery is not cool in 2014,
not that it was ever.
It was never cool, guys.
Never, ever.
Maybe she's right.
- Whoa!
- Grim?! Grim!
No more "Grim Adventures of
Billy and Mandy," mon!
[Screaming]
You're damn right, no bodies
were ever found!
Took a vote on the plane
and everyone wanted to visit
the island from "Lost"!
Grim Reaper magic, mon!
I can make that shit happen.
Happy little trees.
[Chainsaw droning, tree screams]
[Tree screaming, saw whirring]
Why?!
Happy little trees. So happy,
and if I say it loud enough,
I can't hear their unhappy
little screams.
- Hey, fuck you!
- Let's practice cloud smudges
using just our fingers
happy clouds.
Maxwell, it's so cool you invited us
to your home of Sylvania
for spring break.
Plus it means we didn't have to go
to Gena's a cappella competition.
Their version of "Amazing Grace" is
Auditory assault!
You are such a dick, Steve, I
don't even know why I date you.
It is my pleasure to present you,
my non-Sylvanian college friends,
at the Sylvanian Summer Festival
as my special gifts.
- You mean guests, right?
- We are here!
Um, why are the elephant people
the same size as
the squirrel people?
It is the Sylvanian Family way,
don't think about it,
and lose yourself
in some 10,000 proof mead!
Oh, no, thanks. It feels like
I'm choking just being here.
Don't mind if I do!
- Holy shitballs, that is raw!
- [Laughs]
Mother, father, sister, come
Gena, meet my family.
Any friend of Maxwell
is a friend of ours,
especially one
with such fine birthing hips.
We made you this traditional
Sylvanian bridal flock!
- Um, I'm sorry?
- My parents are the tailors
of Sylvania
it's not like you're marrying
Mother Earth or anything.
- Yet!
- [All laughing]
Okay, uh, Steve
do you think we could just, like
Steve!
[Giggling]
Freya Chocolate Rabbit is in heat!
- And she likes you, lucky boy!
- Steve is my boyfriend.
He doesn't fuck rabbits.
Gena, we said we're going
to experience
everything about Sylvanian
culture, now stop
You're blocking me, Gena.
Well, Freya can't mate
with another rabbit
because all of the rabbits
and Sylvania are related,
just like all the hedgehogs
- and the squirrels and hippos.
- Oh, my God!
If we made amongst ourselves,
we end up with weird variants
like Giant Ralph
Walnut Squirrel,
[Grinding]
- Sylvanian brunch is served!
- Oh! This place is madness!
Steve, we've gotta ge
Where's Steve?!
Oh, listen, listen, I think he's
deep inside the rabbit hole!
[Moaning]
Steve!
[Whooping]
I am with child, I can feel it.
Whoo-ha!
- Steven!
- Hey, baby.
It turns out Sylvanian culture
is fuckin' awesome.
I'm totally breaking up with you.
You can't leave, we already
skinned Patrick Bear!
As our Sylvanian
Summer Queen,
you must dress Steve in this
skin and burn him alive!
- It is the Sylvania Family way!
- Burn Steve? Mm
Now we administer the nectar
of Sylvanian lotus berry
so he feels no pain
No!
I want him to feel this burn!
- Ladies?!
- Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch
like me
I once was lost,
but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
STEVE: Burn me!