Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - eDork

I guess it was nobody.
Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha! - Priceless, err.
- Spacecataz.
It was them! Get them on the space feed at once! - Hello.
- Oh, hello.
Is this uh Uh, who's this? This is Mr.
Brown Sample of the, uh I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
Damn it! My name is Shake-Zula The mike ruler, the old schooler You want to trip? I'll bring it to ya Frylock and I'm on top Rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next With your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, G Driving in my car Living like a star Ice on my fingers and my toes, and I'm a Taurus Uh, check-check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho And the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho And the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, G Do you even have it on? Have what on? What are you I've been frantically text messaging you for three hours! I thought you were ignoring me.
But I guess you don't have one of these.
Huh? Huh? What is it? This happens to be an e-helmet.
And it will change the way you think and live forever.
Yeah, and what about the pack? It allows the e-helmet to change the way you think and live forever.
So, it's a battery.
Yeah, a battery.
Try twelve batteries.
And it's heavy as hell.
But it is also cool as crap.
You ought to get one.
Well, I tell you what.
It seems awfully convenient, Shake but I think I'll just stick with my cell phone.
But you don't even know what this does yet.
OK, what does it do, Shake? What could it possibly do? It's a cell phone.
But it also text messages.
Aha! Yeah, so does mine.
Oh, yeah? You think you're so great, huh? Well, check this out.
Mine has an antenna! Where's where's your antenna? Huh? What are you doing? I'm taking a picture of your stupid ass.
Is that really a camera? Oh, it's only fourteen megapixels.
But it works for what I need it for, which is really nothing.
This is not over.
Man, where are y'all getting all your money? Y'all, like, tell me.
You ain't got no job.
Hey, everybody come on! Outside! It's picture time! Hey, boy, I am Commander Meat and you are in direct violation of Space Treaty 109.
Your ass is mine.
Aha! The treaties only go up to 103.
Everyone from space knows that.
Well, I mean, I know that.
I was just playing with you and Those treaties are very real and very serious.
Is that where did you That is not your e-helmet.
Oh, well, yeah, it is.
'Cause Frylock says they're stupid that's why I can wear it 'cause I don't know no better.
Why was I not e- messaged about this? Because I told you that to your face with my mouth.
This is not how we talk now.
Do you think I can hear very well with this on? Do you? You check that out? Did you read that? OMG! Those are my electronic emotions.
It allows me to conserve my body's energy for carrying all this stuff.
Yeah, it looks like it's gotten bigger.
Oh, you must be referring to the e-photo plug in.
You pop it on your back, and you go.
These are travel-size, baby! - All that is a camera? - Mostly.
The bottom part here keeps me intravenously hydrated.
'Cause let me tell you, this e-crap is heavy.
Why don't you just go to the hose drink you some water like the dog you are? I'm not turning on some analog faucet to drink some barbaric water! The mouth is a primitive hole that will soon be phased out.
You better start taking some pictures of those! Hey, can you phase it out now? 'Cause it's pissing me off.
Can you read that? Or should Uh, you spelled "hell" wrong.
That's how it's spelled in the e-world.
All right, now put on your e-helmet.
I'm gonna forward you a very funny story about a duck in a bar.
It's not mine anymore.
I gave it to Meatwad.
- No! - Yes! It's the only other helmet it'll talk to.
It's too advanced to be compatible with anything else! Uh, are we gonna send me that funny story now? I need me some new material for my nightclub act.
Well, I'll just tell you in person as I jam that helmet right into your brain! No! - I mean - Come on! Let's go! Come on! - Get over - Come get you some! What's wrong? You scared? Tell him to come over here, please.
Why don't you just e-message him? He's not in my contact list.
Ha ha ha ha ha! Come on, man, y'all know that is funny.
Frylock, would you like to see some of the messages your little meat friend has been sending me? Oh, Meatwad doesn't have the helmet anymore.
Spoiler alert.
It involves a pig.
Here, piggy, piggy, piggy.
Come get the bacon, you know what I mean? Ha ha ha ha.
It's sad that she's gotta wear that thong made out of corn 'cause in every other way they seem like they're in love.
Oh, wait.
No way! Monkey! Awesome! Look at this! A monkey drinking its own urine.
LOL, IMHO, colon, parentheses.
- You hear this? - Not anymore.
What the hell's that thing? Oh, it's just an MP3 player.
Holds 40,000 songs.
Hand-truck me up.
This is so weird.
I think I'm actually done being horny.
Oh, wait.
No, we're not.
No, we are not.
Oh, yeah! Yo, Carlos! Come outside, baby.
- Don't come in here! - Come on! Why don't you just text message him? Why don't you just text shut up? Carlos! Hey, hey.
You got a big old piano on your back.
- It's an e-iano.
- What the hell's that? It takes your MP3s that you download live off the internet and transforms them into this song.
Yeah, but will it do the ultimate song Boston's More Than a Feeling? Yeah, it'll do anything and turn it into this song.
- You're serious? - Here, I got you one.
Freakin' awesome! Do you like to do the treadmill? Exercise is for women.
Now you can.
The concert's in your head.
Yo, Shake, I ain't want to say nothing, man but you look like a mother idiot.
Ha ha ha! You know, this is cool and all but I'm kind of getting a bad headache.
Yeah, I know what you mean, man.
And I don't know if it's the song or if it's the heavy magnets that were inserted into my neck.
Here's something that must be attached to your head.
I just may.
What is it? Well, it's an e-booger.
See, it allows booger transmission to the snot network.
- Wait! No! - And I wiped it on you! Wipe it off! Great, that's gonna harden now.
- Carl, little help? - Oh, yes! You've been a bad, bad chicken.
Hey, will you put that damn farm porn away for just two seconds? No.
Check out this link.
It's funny, but it's also kind of hot.
Will you shut that ragtime music off! This is like I live at Shakey's pizza! Well, I like it.
And turning it off is simply not an option.
It does not have an off switch.
- Yeah, I know.
- Oh, yeah! So, I went ahead and ordered these.
Ooh! So, what are they? This is the e-iano silencer.
- Oh! - Thank God! Hey, hook up those e-toms while you're back there, eh? - E-toms? - Plug and play! Yeah! See, it drowns out the sound of the e-iano.
Hey, Carl! Yeah, how do you like those e-toms, huh? He's dead to the world.
He's down on the farm, if you know what I mean.
Now wheel me inside.
I gotta pee! Aw, hell no! No! No, Shake.
You're not coming in the house with that.
Well, I'm not coming into the house but it ain't 'cause of that reason you said! Yeah, 'cause your stupid ass is sinking into the dirt.
Well, that's what you think 'cause you see that.
Yeah, I do! Oh, why don't you see if you can e-mail your pee! I will! They're beta testing that! I sure hope that new upgrade comes in before it rains.
Carl, can you move? - Oh, yeah? - Good.
- Can you drag me insi - Touch the horse now.
Oh, for God's sake.
Talk to me, not to candy! Look, if it rains, we could die out here.
And those EMTs ain't gonna want to be peeling your filthy underwear off.
That's that's fine.
Just put put the horse on the other end there.
OK, just me.
Hail Mary time.
I'm gonna rock back and forth.
Did you see it move? Hey, y'all surfing the internet? Yeah, ya stupid newbie! Yes.
Hey, what are you doing? - Painting you with honey.
- That could be cool.
Hey, what's that? Is that my package? Ha.
It's my package.
No, it's not.
It's mine.
I'm allowed to order a package.
OK, fine, it's your package.
So, what did you get in your package that's not mine? I don't know.
Let's see.
- Bees, boy! Bees! - No! Whoo! Oh! Carl, no, help me! We got bees here! Bees? Did you get the link I sent you about the woman having sex with a bee? Would you shut up? Thank God! I couldn't be happier to see you.
All right, come over here, boys.
Great! Now, run inside the house before it rains.
Hurry up.
Hey, what's going on? I don't know, I can't see back here.
What y'all doing? Y'all playing? Look, we are advancing the world through technology.
'Cause it looks like them old boys is them two is in heat! Meatwad, come here.
That's not appropriate for you to see.
Would someone tell me what's going on back here? They're making babies out here.
Well, obviously they don't know any better.
That's why we need the intelligence helmets to give them reason.
Frylock, order the intelligent helmet immediately.
Use standard deliver.
No, same it's gotta be same day.
Uh, is Carl OK? Someone just please shut off all the sex.
I'm starting to chafe here.
Uh, sorry about this, Shake but we could only afford one of these and it's really not the high-end model.
So, what are we talking about here? Shut up.
Now, let him talk.
Well, it does have human intelligence.
- Good.
- All right, cool! - Keep talking.
- But only of a four-year-old.
- Aw, crap! - You know what? That's enough.
They know pain.
And a four-year-old would definitely run from this.
- Turn it on! - Please, for the love of God! OK, here we go.
Mommy, it's tingling.
I don't understand it.
Oh, look, it's working.
No means no.
I telling on you.
Oh, I feel like I need to call my parents.
It's a beautiful thing intelligence.
The control and restraint shown.
- A pool! Oh, boy! - No! Please, no! - Mommy, I go swimming.
- No, Mommy says no! - Look, Mommy, I go - Are you kidding? Aah! Let her go! She's too young for you! Aagh! Well, really, the moral is that technology and that nice yellow padded chair in the living room is mine.
That's mine from now on.
I call it.
Dancing is forbidden Dan-Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D- D-D-Dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden