Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Robots Everywhere

My name is Shake-Zula, the Mic Rula, The old schoolah You wanna trip? l'll bring it to ya Frylock, and l'm on top, Rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, ''G'' Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star lce on my fingers and my toes, and l'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' Make the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, ''G''! CARL: So, very roomy over here.
You know, you got the vaulted -- Well, it's not vaulted ceiling, but, uh, you could do that if you wanted to -- you know, put your flat-screen TV there if you can afford one of them.
Uh, you know, l can.
So, uh, you know, don't judge me.
[ chuckles ] But, uh, bars on the windows, 'cause, you know, we get so much homeless traffic through here.
They'll see that plasma screen, and they'll -- they'll break down a wall like a bunch of zombies.
And, uh, don't never go into the attic.
l just nailed that door shut.
Uh, you don't want to see what's up there.
Hey, you got kids? lf l'm married to her [ laughs ] We'd be popping them out! We got two monkeys.
Yeah, that might be a problem here.
See, uh, they ain't got no bathroom here, but they got a hole in the plywood.
lt goes all the way down to the crawl space, and there's plenty of room down there.
Uh, they -- they got this old pizza there to block off the aroma.
Your wife's pretty hot, man.
How much do you make a year? You have some manners.
Who lived here before? Uh, just some residents, you know.
l'm not talking about them.
And over here, my dear, you can undress right here on this ''X.
'' You know, don't, you know, got to be on that spot.
Uh, and, you know, you got to do it there.
So, when can we plan on you moving in? Look, we really need to discuss this.
No, l understand.
l understand.
Take your time.
Take your time.
l need an answer in the next l don't really feel safe here.
l think it's perfect.
You think it's perfect? l think it's perfecter! Check out that hole in the floor! lt's so old world.
Did you know pooping standing up is chic? Get a hold of yourself.
We're ready to make an offer.
lt smells like hot garbage pizza.
Let's just pay the asking price -- cash.
Thatis really smart.
Carl, we love this house.
Both: Aah! We love the house.
We keep passing the sign from Quadrant 9.
This is perfect.
lt suits our every need, want, and desire.
How much is the house? Please say a very low number.
Uh.
Hey, kids, check it out -- pizza.
Hey, there's pizza in here! l'm not saying it twice! All of you, now! Pizza! Pizza! Pizza! Pizza! Pizza! Yes, pizza, blocking the aroma chamber.
Unleash the mighty odor! Hang on! Hang on! Hang on a second! We got a very high selling price on this, so, uh, you know, l don't know that you can afford it.
Yeah, we have nothing, and you're gonna like it.
Well, uh, like this -- it ain't got no bathroom.
[ laughing ] We have no need for bathrooms.
The universe is our bathroom.
[ laughs ] The universe is my bathroom.
We deposit oil into the atmosphere when we get nervous -- standard robot protocol.
Well, look, l mean, rooms are pretty tight, you know? l mean, you got all them screaming robots to keep, um -- are they multiplying over there? Yeah! Yeah! Hey, yeah! Hey, you don't worry about us.
We have no need for space.
All right, well, uh, gas.
That's right -- gas leaking in the house.
Gas is our favorite flavor.
Yeah, that works for us.
Yeah, gas is an aphrodisiac for us.
lt turns us on sexually.
Yay, da! Yeah, this is a match.
This works for us.
Well, you know two people were murdered here.
Yeah, we killed them.
Well, yeah, l mean, they might try to haunt your house, you know? You don't know that.
Nonsense! Everything's perfect! We live here now! Yay! Who are you? Well, l'm the, uh, l'm the realtor.
And, uh, l got to say, l'm putting my foot down.
l need proof of, uh -- you know, you got a job, man? l have no credit, no savings, and l'm between opportunities.
But l must warn you -- he is lazy.
Extremely lazy.
Then l think we're gonna have us a little problem.
[ glass breaks ] Okay, l got to go.
Carl.
Oh.
Oh, hey, Marcus.
Marcula.
Stop trying to sell my house.
[ chuckling ] Okay, no.
l-l was just showing this group of machines all the -- all the features.
Did you show them the gas leak? Yeah, no, l-l pointed that out first, and they're all over it.
And l love robots.
Sold to this group of machines.
Yay! Yes! l need this door taken down.
The floor -- don't need it.
End of tomorrow, this wall will be down.
Knock it down.
This leave -- l like this one.
Move this over an inch.
No, not move -- just gone.
Gone.
Carl, have you seen the deadbeats around -- You know, the food? No, they left in the middle of the night.
Because l had demons drag them off into the night.
l'm not going to fix a gas leak for them.
Now, at this very moment, they are being cocooned by military spiders in a cave in the Mojave Desert.
That's what l do to a-holes.
But not to you.
l would never do that to you.
You are welcome to live here forever and ever.
Nowfeast! Feast on what, man? [ gasps ] lnvisible robot meat -- my favorite! Kids, invisible robot meat! Yeah, robot meat! Robot meat! Robot meat! Robot meat! All right, if you all need anything -- anything at all, do not -- do not come next door.
[ snoring ] Carl.
Carl.
Hey, Carl.
- Carl! - Aah! We can't sleep.
Can you?! Get out of my frigging house! No.
l want some water.
Yes, we all want water.
Yay, water! Yay, water! All right, fine.
Get some in the bathroom, and then get out of here.
Robots don't drink water.
Use your brain.
You've failed test number one.
What are you talking about, man? You will pass, or else! Or else what? Aah! My shoulder hair! Come on, kids.
Chubby is grumpy.
Chubby's grumpy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Do the other one.
At least, make it even.
Aah! Now get out of here! Hey, ma.
- lt's Carl.
- Hey.
How are you doing? [ speaking indistinctly ] Well, ma, think about packing my bags and planning a trip to that really, uh, dark, dismal V.
A.
Hospital you live at.
Carl, come outside! Coming out! CARL: Oh, no, no, no.
l'll-- l'll bring a cot.
l won't lay in bed with you.
- Come here.
- Carl! CARL: l need a change of scenery, you know, and l love to see my favorite woman.
- Say ''bye.
'' - Hang up, Carl.
What do you mean ''tomorrow's physical therapy''? ROBOT: Come on, Carl.
lt's Carl, your son.
Yeah, the one with the mustache.
Carl, come on out! Oh, is that right? Then you, too, you bitch! Carl, l've been calling you.
So, um, yeah, l need some water.
Yes, l'm completely parched.
Yeah, we all crave water.
Yay, water! Yay! But l thought you robots don't drink water.
No, but, sometimes, we do.
We, uh That was -- there's -- you know, there is a hole in the, um Damn it! He passed! Now, dear, just t-take it easy.
See you in an hour.
[ electricity crackling ] [ dialing ] [ ringing ] Come on, pick up, man.
Pick up.
Pick up.
Pick up.
FRYLOCK: Hi, this is Frylock.
l'm not able to answer your call right now, because l'm currently being cocooned by military spiders in a cave in the Mojave Desert.
At the sound of the tone -- MASTER SHAKE: ''At the sound of the tone''? Wouldn't it just be ''at the tone''? FRYLOCK: Shut up, Shake! l like to be thorough, okay? [ beeps ] Damn it.
Damn it! Has it been an hour yet? - No.
- l'm so sorry.
l'm so rude.
l have peeled this house like a banana, and still, nothing.
Where could he have possibly gone? l have absolutely nothing to do.
Now -- now, honey, we still have the tests.
Well, l guess l won't get to do them, will l? All my work down the space drain.
Something moved inside the car.
Test the knob.
- Locked! - Damn him! The glass is tinted and impenetrable! All right, all right.
l'm coming out.
l'm coming out.
No, get off there! l had to frigging special-order that.
Oh.
How's it going? Where you been, man? Uh, l been on the moon.
Okay, the moon.
Wow.
Apply the diodes.
[ electricity crackling ] You will feel no pain.
You will feel no pain.
But you must sit very still.
You must sit very still.
Ring this bell when the flies come.
Ring this bell when the flies come.
Okay.
ls this a -- is this a test? Yeah, it's a test.
Sure.
See you in one hour.
Okay, l got a bee.
Does a bee count? Hey! Hey! No.
No, only flies.
Only flies.
We have had legendary arguments with flies! [ ringing ] Hey, look! lnsects! l did good, right? Yeah, again, not flies.
Why didn't you call flies like l asked? Well, you didn't tell me to call the frigging -- Yeah, l did.
That's why we gave you the bell.
All right, let's be clear about this.
You told me to use the bell when the flies showed up, not to use the bell to call the flies.
Silly human.
See? [ rings ] [ rings ] l'm pretty sure the flies are on their way.
[ rings ] You failed the final test! And now you die.
No, no, no, no, no.
l still got one more test here.
l got a test, uh, for you.
Well, we don't -- yeah, we don't take tests.
Yeah, but this one's super easy.
lt's called, uh ''Count the Bullets.
'' Well, we're not good at math.
[ weapon cocks ] Do more! More! They're like vitamins to us.
Yeah? [ gunfire continues ] ROBOTS: - Yeah! - Do more! More! Yeah, yeah!