Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Spy

Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1 Tonight's episode -- "Last Dance for Napkin Lad" Do you want some bologna? Please! What do you say? Thank you! Are you a good boy? Yes sir! Or are you a bad boy? No sir! Do you want a puppy? Please! What do you say? Thank you! Are you a good girl? Yes sir! Or are you a bad girl? No sir! Do you want some veggies? Please! What do you say? Thank you! Are you a good boy? Yes sir! Or are you a bad boy? No sir! Do you want a party? Please! What do you say? Thank you! Are you a good girl? Yes sir! Or are you a bad girl? No sir! Do you want some pudding? Please! What do you say? Thank you! Okay, I'm not tired of you puppet show.
I admit, I was engaged at first, but I am a man and I have needs.
But they about to show the big ending.
They tie up all them loose ends with 'Gesundheit' I'm the one who teaches you manners.
Change the channel because I crave nudity.
Well where's the remote? You're the remote.
Roll over there and push the button until I see some boobs.
Come on, now.
I just got back here.
Nudity, at once! Technically I'm not supposed to see boobs.
Who told you that? Frylock, right? Boobs are filled with life giving milk.
That's why they bounce.
Who's supposed to turn on this magneto remover? Do you want me to turn on the magneto remover or what? What are you talkin' about, we just watchin' a puppet show over here, Frylock.
Maybe you oughta shut your ass up and join us.
Wait a minute, is that van still out there or is-- Whoops, sorry Frylock I tripped.
My bad.
Hahah.
Shut the f*** up! Shut the f*** up!! I couldn't read your lips, you were trying to be like, 'shut the-' something.
They know something.
Call in the strike.
I don't know nothin' about no van.
Hey, can you fix this remote? 'Cause it does not seem to work.
Yeah, let me just-- change the battery.
Ahhh! Let's let's go, round 'em up, puppet show, come on.
Same chair! Same chair, let's go! Get in the chair, watch the puppet show! What's goin' on? Puppet show, puppet show! What is this? I don't understand it.
Frylock, get in the damn chair! Time to recline! Typical.
Fryman, we had this conversation.
Every time you explode your house, you're bringin' my property values down.
Fryman? Shake? Meatball? They ain't there.
Look, we have their whole conversation on tape.
We have their correspondence, we have emails-- Plus the puppet show, right? How did you know? I've been studying them for ten years; you got nothin'.
We can analyze it at the lab, we filter it and run it through the-- Yeah, well while you do that they're halfway to South America.
You couldn't get 'em at Cambodia, they walk right out of Afghanistan, and now you can't even pluck 'em out of your own backyard.
What should we do? How about you start by callin' the President and tellin' him you're fired, 'cause I'm taking over from here.
Wait, wait a minute, no don't! Man, that was a fun ride down that tunnel.
I forgot we had that, y'all.
You shut your mouth, boy, before I cut it off and feed it to ya.
Ryan, no, he didn't know any better.
I don't give a damn, Flint.
I'll waste him right now, he probably set us up! Easy now, whoa, whoa, man! I don't know nothin' about no skeletons! Skeletons? Who said anything about skeletons? Uhhh, no.
I mean, ain't that what y'all call them people who be after y'all? Not in any academy class I ever took.
Skeletons are what comes out your body after you rot in the ground for 50 years with a slug of lead lodged in your cranium.
You think you understand me? Oh man, skeletons, why did you say skeletons?! Hey, man, hey, I'm just here to help.
Oh yeah, no you helped out a lot.
Just like that time you and Napkin Lad were supposed to meet us at the rendezvous in Morocco.
You were missing a bullet in your magazine that day.
Napkin Lad never made it.
Did you help him? Did you help him put that bullet in the back of his brain? Huh? Huh, you son of a bitch? We were ambushed man! There was nothing I could do, they came out of nowhere! Echo bravo delta lotus petal.
Napkin Lad and I will be at the checkpoint by 0900.
Oh my God we've been ambushed, we've got to move! All right fellas, I think we got enough sound effects.
Ambush.
Heheheh, good one.
You know that dumbass bought that.
You did hang up though, right? Yeah, yeah.
You gotta believe me, man.
I'm tellin' ya, we was ambushed man! Come on, come on come on.
I believe one thing, I believe it's time for you to shut up for good! Oh no! Are you out of your mind? We have no proof that he was a double agent! I got a good hunch.
Well I have a hunch that this little stunt you pulled is gonna land us in some really hot soup! Why'd you kill him, man? 'Cause he ain't never went to no academy.
Your seatbelt light is going off.
Buckle in.
And speaking of hot soup, here's my recipe for hot chicken tortilla soup.
We start with four cups of filtered water-- Chicken tortilla soup-- what the? That's right, Carl.
Or should I say.
.
Lars? I read you from day one, and if you're hearing this, I'm already dead and they're halfway to Peru.
Peru! Of course, no extradition.
Come on, Napkin Lad.
Time to crash this little party.
Who wants to hear some Chickenfoot? Tonight! We got company! Hang on, it's about to get bumpy up in here.
W-w-w-wait, hey, wait a minute man.
What're you doin'? No one could survive a drop like that.
In a car.
But he wasn't driving no car.
Dollars to donuts that thing's a submarine.
Well he's about to take his last frickin' bath.
Computer, enter dive mode.
You can't do that! It's just a prototype.
It's never been tested for under-sea battle! Then I guess we're gonna test it then, aren't we Napkin Lad? You're a mad man! It's good to be something.
Tonight Damn it! I can't shake him.
Maybe you shouldn't try.
So you did kill Napkin Lad, didn't you? Yeah I did.
And he cried like a little bitch when I gutted him.
But did you see it? Damn it! I've been double crossed.
No! Not the machete! Anything but the machete! That's right, now die you son of a bitch! Do you have these in 38 waist? No! Not the machete! Ahh! Yeah, he's done.
Gutted like a fish.
Good.
Thanks for lettin' me go buy some blue jeans.
Any time buddy.
Any time.
That was pretty good, huh? Oh sh**.
That's why you don't double cross a double crosser.
'Cause then you get all crossed up.
Hey, why are we heading toward that reef? Correction, you're headed towards that reef.
No, no, no!!! He's toast.
No one could survive that.
And no one could survive this.
But-but why shoot me now? It doesn't make sense.
'Cause you've seen too much.
And you know too little.
You wouldn't dare do it, you'll pierce the hull.
The water pressure will crush us like an egg! I'll roll the dice.
No! Warning, 2 Wycked hull has been breached.
Breach this, computer! The tag-a-longs will be at the rendezvous point at 0700 hours, but the meat man is burned.
I repeat, the meat man is-- Meat man! Hey! You uh, goin' off on a trip or somethin'? Well hey uh, Carl.
I'm tryin' out my Halloween costumes.
Trick or treat! Why are you wet? Yeah, I'm uh, sweaty.
It's hot out here 'cause uh you know I had to walk all this way 'cause uh, Oh.
That's interesting.
Where'd you walk from? The uh, the liquor club -- strip store.
You want you um-- you want you a booger? No thank you.
Is that - is that blood on your pants there? Yeah I guess I cut myself shaving my uh, thighs.
Well uh, good talkin' to ya, I'll see ya around.
Yes you will.
Yes you will.