Axe Cop (2013) s02e04 Episode Script
The Center of the Ocean
I'll tell ya, the paperwork involved with top-notch police work - can get overwhelming.
- Not for me.
I can speed-read.
Oh man! - Looks like we got another leak.
- It's not a leak.
It's a letter made of water.
"Dear Axe Cop.
The King of All Time cordially invites you to attend a water party in the center of the ocean.
This is a dress-up party.
Signed, the King of All Time.
P.
S.
There will be water cake"! One day, at the scene of the fire the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became Axe Cop! _ So he had tryouts and hired a partner.
_ _ I will chop your heads off! I can't fight you right now.
I'm on my way to a party.
They're serving water cake! Axe Cop, I'm the King of All Time.
Tonight you will hear the best water music, Drink the best water juice and eat the best water cake.
- Now we're talking.
- And most importantly you will meet my best daughter, the Water Queen.
She is the source of all the water on Earth.
Without her, there would be no lakes, no streams, no estuaries, not even the ocean.
And with no ocean there would be no barrier Separating the sharks and the tigers.
That's correct.
You're going to love the Water Queen.
- You two should dance.
- No.
These two should dance.
I present to you the most powerful woman in two-thirds of the world: the Water Queen.
Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.
She'd make the ultimate wife for the ultimate man.
Right, Axe Cop? Axe Cop? If I was water cake, where would I be? Ah, there she is! - Hmm? - Time to put on our disguises.
Aliens!? This party just got fun.
Axe Cop!? What are you doing? Why are you killing my merwizard guards? You're ruining the best party! No.
I'm saving the best party! My merwizards are evil aliens! What are you doing? Axe Cop.
Axe Cop! Those evil aliens are stealing my daughter! You're too late, Axe Cop.
Bring my daughter back, evil aliens! The ocean is gone now.
There is nothing keeping the sharks and tigers from going to war.
Axe Cop, you have to save my daughter.
- Obviously.
- Take my son Lobster Man with you, he's a great warrior.
I look forward to leading us on this mission, Axe Cop.
No.
I'm the leader.
But I should lead because I can use my lobster antennas - to track the aliens.
- I can use my own antennas.
- See? - But the Water Queen is my sister.
- But I have an axe! - Enough! - You can take turns leading.
- Fine, but I get to go first.
Wexter! Let's go! Axe Cop, come in, Axe Cop.
We've got a big problem down here.
It's bath time and we have absolutely no water! That's because all the water on Earth is gone.
- What?! - I'm off to save the Water Queen.
- Honey, what's going on? - There's no more water on Earth.
But if there isn't any water Then nothing's keeping the sharks and the tigers from an all-out war.
Anita, no time for gasping.
Fetch me my tiger-cuffs and shark-nets.
It's gonna be a long night.
So I bet you're wondering why I don't look like my father, - the King of All Time.
- No.
I don't wonder about you at all.
My real parents were half-human and half-German shepherds.
They named my sister Hasta Mia and they named me Koko Mia.
We were both half-dog.
My sister always wanted to do whatever she wanted.
I wanna do whatever I want.
But one day, while I was out hunting for lobster my parents wouldn't let her do what she wanted.
She got so mad that she did a terrible thing.
What have you done, Hasta Mia? Then she killed my lobster and got lobster blood all over me.
That's when I became half lobster, half dog with a human head.
I want to do whatever I want! I never saw my sister again.
The King of All Time could tell how sad I was, so he adopted me and I grew up with a new, nice sister: the Water Queen.
I vowed to protect my new, nice sister from any harm, because I couldn't protect my half-dog parents.
And now it's my turn to lead.
No.
You used up your turn telling your story.
Let's go! - What are you doing with me, evil alien? - I'm going to use you to flood the Sand Planet and drown all the sand people.
No! I don't want to kill them.
They're a peaceful people.
- Oh my gosh.
- Rain! We're peaceful people! Tear Sparrow Look, a Tear Sparrow! It must be from my adopted sister, - the Water Queen.
- # Hello, Lobster Man # hello, Axe Cop the evil aliens are using the Water Queen to drown the sand people and soon they'll be able to rename the planet.
Who cares if they rename the planet? If the evil aliens give the planet a new name that rhymes with their name, it will give them all the power in the Universe.
Space law learn it.
Tear Sparrow show us the way.
This doesn't make any sense.
The tigers should have been here by now to attack - their natural enemies, the sharks.
- Wait a second - Oh no! - What is it? The tigers didn't come to the sharks.
The sharks went to the tigers! Our plan is working! The sand people are almost gone! - Adopted sister! - You made it, adopted brother.
I knew you'd save me.
It's alien-chopping time! - Hey! - And now it's my turn to kill the evil alien leader.
Are you sure you can kill your birth sister? - Hasta Mia, it's you! - Lobster Man, kill your real sister.
Pinch her head off.
- I can't do it.
- But it's your turn.
You have to.
I can't kill one sister to save another.
You're the worst at taking turns.
Ha! And now it's too late to stop me.
All the sand people are gone.
I, Hasta Mia, hereby rename my new planet Baba Mia! Now that I have all the power in the Universe, I can do whatever I want! - I don't understand, where did she go? - She's right there! I can do whatever I want! And I want to destroy the Universe! My real sister is destroying the Universe! Water Queen? Give me a handle.
Nobody can do whatever they want, except me! And I want to chop your head off! I mean, who am I supposed to root for? - Both these animals are awesome.
- Whoa! Looks like someone saved the Water Queen.
Not someone, Axe Cop.
No, I know, I know.
When I say someone, I'm obviously talking about Axe Cop.
Who else would do that?
- Not for me.
I can speed-read.
Oh man! - Looks like we got another leak.
- It's not a leak.
It's a letter made of water.
"Dear Axe Cop.
The King of All Time cordially invites you to attend a water party in the center of the ocean.
This is a dress-up party.
Signed, the King of All Time.
P.
S.
There will be water cake"! One day, at the scene of the fire the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became Axe Cop! _ So he had tryouts and hired a partner.
_ _ I will chop your heads off! I can't fight you right now.
I'm on my way to a party.
They're serving water cake! Axe Cop, I'm the King of All Time.
Tonight you will hear the best water music, Drink the best water juice and eat the best water cake.
- Now we're talking.
- And most importantly you will meet my best daughter, the Water Queen.
She is the source of all the water on Earth.
Without her, there would be no lakes, no streams, no estuaries, not even the ocean.
And with no ocean there would be no barrier Separating the sharks and the tigers.
That's correct.
You're going to love the Water Queen.
- You two should dance.
- No.
These two should dance.
I present to you the most powerful woman in two-thirds of the world: the Water Queen.
Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.
She'd make the ultimate wife for the ultimate man.
Right, Axe Cop? Axe Cop? If I was water cake, where would I be? Ah, there she is! - Hmm? - Time to put on our disguises.
Aliens!? This party just got fun.
Axe Cop!? What are you doing? Why are you killing my merwizard guards? You're ruining the best party! No.
I'm saving the best party! My merwizards are evil aliens! What are you doing? Axe Cop.
Axe Cop! Those evil aliens are stealing my daughter! You're too late, Axe Cop.
Bring my daughter back, evil aliens! The ocean is gone now.
There is nothing keeping the sharks and tigers from going to war.
Axe Cop, you have to save my daughter.
- Obviously.
- Take my son Lobster Man with you, he's a great warrior.
I look forward to leading us on this mission, Axe Cop.
No.
I'm the leader.
But I should lead because I can use my lobster antennas - to track the aliens.
- I can use my own antennas.
- See? - But the Water Queen is my sister.
- But I have an axe! - Enough! - You can take turns leading.
- Fine, but I get to go first.
Wexter! Let's go! Axe Cop, come in, Axe Cop.
We've got a big problem down here.
It's bath time and we have absolutely no water! That's because all the water on Earth is gone.
- What?! - I'm off to save the Water Queen.
- Honey, what's going on? - There's no more water on Earth.
But if there isn't any water Then nothing's keeping the sharks and the tigers from an all-out war.
Anita, no time for gasping.
Fetch me my tiger-cuffs and shark-nets.
It's gonna be a long night.
So I bet you're wondering why I don't look like my father, - the King of All Time.
- No.
I don't wonder about you at all.
My real parents were half-human and half-German shepherds.
They named my sister Hasta Mia and they named me Koko Mia.
We were both half-dog.
My sister always wanted to do whatever she wanted.
I wanna do whatever I want.
But one day, while I was out hunting for lobster my parents wouldn't let her do what she wanted.
She got so mad that she did a terrible thing.
What have you done, Hasta Mia? Then she killed my lobster and got lobster blood all over me.
That's when I became half lobster, half dog with a human head.
I want to do whatever I want! I never saw my sister again.
The King of All Time could tell how sad I was, so he adopted me and I grew up with a new, nice sister: the Water Queen.
I vowed to protect my new, nice sister from any harm, because I couldn't protect my half-dog parents.
And now it's my turn to lead.
No.
You used up your turn telling your story.
Let's go! - What are you doing with me, evil alien? - I'm going to use you to flood the Sand Planet and drown all the sand people.
No! I don't want to kill them.
They're a peaceful people.
- Oh my gosh.
- Rain! We're peaceful people! Tear Sparrow Look, a Tear Sparrow! It must be from my adopted sister, - the Water Queen.
- # Hello, Lobster Man # hello, Axe Cop the evil aliens are using the Water Queen to drown the sand people and soon they'll be able to rename the planet.
Who cares if they rename the planet? If the evil aliens give the planet a new name that rhymes with their name, it will give them all the power in the Universe.
Space law learn it.
Tear Sparrow show us the way.
This doesn't make any sense.
The tigers should have been here by now to attack - their natural enemies, the sharks.
- Wait a second - Oh no! - What is it? The tigers didn't come to the sharks.
The sharks went to the tigers! Our plan is working! The sand people are almost gone! - Adopted sister! - You made it, adopted brother.
I knew you'd save me.
It's alien-chopping time! - Hey! - And now it's my turn to kill the evil alien leader.
Are you sure you can kill your birth sister? - Hasta Mia, it's you! - Lobster Man, kill your real sister.
Pinch her head off.
- I can't do it.
- But it's your turn.
You have to.
I can't kill one sister to save another.
You're the worst at taking turns.
Ha! And now it's too late to stop me.
All the sand people are gone.
I, Hasta Mia, hereby rename my new planet Baba Mia! Now that I have all the power in the Universe, I can do whatever I want! - I don't understand, where did she go? - She's right there! I can do whatever I want! And I want to destroy the Universe! My real sister is destroying the Universe! Water Queen? Give me a handle.
Nobody can do whatever they want, except me! And I want to chop your head off! I mean, who am I supposed to root for? - Both these animals are awesome.
- Whoa! Looks like someone saved the Water Queen.
Not someone, Axe Cop.
No, I know, I know.
When I say someone, I'm obviously talking about Axe Cop.
Who else would do that?