Better Things (2016) s03e08 Episode Script
Easter
1 Um, hello? Hi.
Is somebody there? Is this, uh ? Oh.
Can you repeat that? I can't understand what you're saying.
Okay, great.
Um, I've been told that you have, uh, a room with a heart-shaped tub.
A tub that is, uh, shaped like a heart.
No reservations.
Cash in hour.
Oh, okay.
Um listen, we would only need it for about three hours.
Cleaning now.
Now clean.
Someone clean room.
Okay, good.
Good.
Clean is good.
I love clean.
I pay now? Wait 40 minutes.
You pay.
40 minutes.
I have to wait 40 ? Can I reserve it? Ugh.
Ugh! I don't know about this, dude.
You never, ever support me.
I do support you.
I'm in the middle of East L.
A.
renting you a sex motel room.
You could get pregnant from bumping into the furniture in this hotel.
Sorry, Mom.
Not all of us knew we wanted to be actors at age nine or whatever.
Honey, I support you.
Okay? I support your vision.
What is your vision, by the way? We need to shoot here.
This is the original motel from the '40s with, like, the first heart-shaped tubs and, like, the decay and-and all that.
Mm-hmm.
Never mind.
You wouldn't get it.
Of course I get it.
I was young once, too.
I used to do shit like this all the time.
One time, my friends and I I support you.
I do.
You're really following through.
Good for you.
I can't wait to see the pictures.
Thanks, Mom.
You can go now.
Oh, no way.
I ain't leaving you here alone.
Nope.
We will wait.
I love the cleaning.
Keep on cleaning.
Wax on, wax off.
Okay.
Whoa! Ha-ha! Smells like my 20s.
Really? Yes.
- Oh, it's great.
- Okay, please try not to touch any surface of this room with your bare skin.
Okay, Mom.
Thanks.
You can go now.
Okay.
- Sam, hi! - Hi.
- Hi, baby.
- Dude, this place - C'est magnifique.
- You look beautiful.
Sam, bonjour.
- Bonjour.
Ãa va? - Ãa va très bien.
This is, like, super professional set up, nice, cool.
Oh.
Is that what you're gonna wear? Hmm.
Okay.
- Well, yeah.
- Okay, Mom.
We're good.
We only have three hours.
So, you like the part where I drive you and I pay for the things, hmm? - Ollivier can drive me back.
- I'll-I'll make sure your daughter gets home safely, Sam, okay? And thank you so much for everything that you've done.
For the film, for the lens, for creating such a talented daughter.
C'est vraiment joli.
Cute.
So sweet.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
Changing right there.
Paisley.
Okay, so, you have to lock this door and let no people in.
No person.
Nobody.
- Bien sûr, belle-mère.
No problem.
- Okay? - I got it.
- Okay.
And, uh, I got Here's your water, and here is some Purell, and there's healthy snacks in here, but don't take them out and put them on the surface of the bureau, okay? So, just, um, barricade this door.
- Yes.
- I mean barricade it.
Like, put that in front of it, okay? 'Cause if anybody walks in here and sees this, I could get arrested.
What's happening? I feel like I'm in trouble.
You working? What? You working? Am I working? No Oh, yeah.
Am I working? No.
Okay.
Hang on.
Can I ask you something? Yeah.
What's the going rate for someone like me? Depends.
On what? It's a buyer's market.
So 15 minutes.
What's a good offer? The top ain't bad, but how's your caboose? It's-it's a nice caboose.
It's tight and high.
Let me see.
35? I was thinking 40, but the hand brace took it down.
Oh.
Mm.
Okay.
- See you around.
- Have a nice day.
I love that fucking car.
Blue, purple and rainbow confetti.
Yellow, green, pink.
Fat carrot.
Eggs with mustache.
Eggs as basketballs, baseballs.
Baby chicken being born in a pot of tea.
Straw coming out of his head.
Can I get five gold star balloons and the letter K? Do you have the letter K? - And H and J.
- The letters H and J.
Mylar or latex? - Mylar.
- Mylar.
- We're out of Mylar.
- They're out of Mylar.
You can't be serious.
They're out of Mylar? - Out of Mylar.
- Oh, my God.
That's ridiculous.
Fine.
I'll just do latex.
Can you tell me is there a way to drive with balloons? Like, is there, like, a protocol for blown-up balloons for, like, visibility? Well, that's up to you and how you drive.
You know what I'm saying? That's so cute.
Can you turn your head a little bit more to the right? That's awesome.
Can you just face that down a little, please? Of course.
- Oh, that looks awesome.
- Right? - Good night.
- Night.
- Hey.
- Oh, hi.
Whoa! Thank you.
Oh.
Really? Real-oh? Huh.
Thank you for helping us with the shoot, belle mère.
Bisou.
Ollivier.
Hashtag he fucked her.
- Bape up.
- Hmm.
- Time to bape up.
- Hmm? Don't you want to come and see what the Easter Bunny left you? Good morning.
Good morning.
The Easter Bunny came.
- What do you think about that? - Oh, my God.
Mom, must we with the charade? Yes, we must! We must! Good morning! How are you? Guess what? Candy.
Candy for breakfast.
Peter Cottontail is downstairs.
Let's go! Thank you, Mom.
Phil! I didn't find my name on a basket.
You don't get a basket.
You're Jewish.
Darling, you better hurry.
It's a brunch, you know, and the food always goes cold if you're late.
Oh, I'm not going, but I made a nice cake for you - to bring to Walter.
- You certainly are going.
I'm not going on my own.
You are.
- Yes! - What?! Ooh, candy! You said you were coming with me.
I never said that.
I was never going.
Then I'll take Duke.
Duke wants to stay home with me.
Don't you, honey? There are gonna be games, and an Easter egg hunt and all sorts of things.
- I'll go.
- Hmm? Is it okay, Mom? Not that you asked, but I think this whole holiday is offensive.
Like, it's-it's basically marking the fertility of women.
Like, the beginning of breeding season.
But we like the candy.
Duke, grab your basket, go upstairs and get dressed.
You're going with Nan to her married boyfriend's house.
Okay.
Mm, come on.
Let's go upstairs.
His wife is 82, and she has advanced Alzheimer's and sits in a chair all day long.
But doesn't it feel disrespectful to her? I mean, how do you think that she feels? Oh, Pipsqueak, if you haven't worked this out by now, life gets very complicated.
When you're young and someone's married, it's an automatic no.
But as you get older, you see that sometimes some people find themselves in situations that are untenable.
And yet they can't leave a marriage.
There's insurance and children and illness, property.
There's a million reasons why they stay together when they shouldn't.
So the question doesn't become "Are you married" but "How married are you?" Hmm.
And to answer your question, "How does his wife feel?" I think she sits in a chair and drools all day long.
That's what I think.
That cake is adorable, by the way.
Put it in the tin.
Ta-ra.
Oh, look who's here.
Happy, happy.
- I brought you a cake.
- Ah.
Old family recipe.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Mmm.
My My sister Delia.
- This is my friend Phyllis.
- Hello.
Uh, Duke, uh, you go downstairs with the kids, 'cause they're hiding the Easter eggs out back.
- Okay.
- Okay.
So, you're the British lady this guy can't stop squawking about.
I'm Jeremy, blessed with the best genes of all the bunch.
And such a humble man at that.
Get out of here.
This is so pretty.
May the 57th annual Stanton Family Easter Egg Hunt begin! - Hi.
- Hi.
Oh.
Oh There's more over there.
Okay.
Found one.
Aah! Ow.
- Ah, is it bleeding? - It's just a little scratch.
Get back in there.
Eye on the prize.
Are you sure she didn't cut her cornea? Are you seeing blurry, honey? - Hmm.
- No, she's just fine.
Tough as nails.
There we are.
I've got some Neosporin in the house.
Let me fix you up, sweetie.
Come on, sweetie.
Let me fill up your basket, dear.
- Oh.
- Go on.
Come on out.
You got wet? the wrapped ones.
No.
Those are the Ah.
You know Theresa.
You know when your mother got pregnant with your sister, I told her she had to get married to your father right away, but she didn't want to do that.
So I told her she had to get an abortion right away.
She didn't want to do that, either.
She never really loved your father.
I suppose that's why the marriage was doomed from the outset.
These are things you should know, my little angel.
Hey, little big man.
Hi, Uncle Marion! Time to go, Phil.
What are you doing here? You called me to pick you up? Hmm? Let's go.
Well, I haven't finished my drink.
Ah, that means we can be here ten more days.
Come on.
Why such a rush? It's not as if you have anywhere to be.
- Careful.
- It's the truth.
You have no place to be.
You never have any place to be.
That's enough.
You've been play-acting some busy-busy since you crashed into California.
One second.
You cannot speak to me that way.
I can speak to you any way I like.
You apologize.
Now.
Little Lord Fauntleroy.
I mean it, Phil.
Say you're sorry.
Well, I do feel sorry.
- Do you? - I feel sorry that you are as insecure as your father.
But at least he had - a sense of humor.
- No more.
This is it.
Red line drawn.
I demand a statement of remorse.
A what? A statement of remorse! For what? For everything.
For e everything! Pull yourself together.
Making a scene.
I want a statement of remorse, Phil.
For the last 53 years of my life with you.
And I'm not leaving here until I get it.
Oh, the dramatics.
The neglected Marion.
No one's even asked me why I'm still out here.
Darling, no one needs to ask.
We all know that little toad of a wife kicked you to the curb months ago, but we've been too polite to mention it.
Come on.
Let's get away from Satan.
Hey.
Piece of pie? Something sweet for my sweet? Hmm? I think I'll just go - and freshen up for a moment.
- Hmm? Hmm? No.
No, no.
No, sit.
Sit down.
Sit.
Family is complicated.
It always has been.
But when you round out enough of these holidays, focus on the good.
Life is too short.
I'm glad you came today.
Thank you, dear.
Okay.
Is it true that my mom didn't want to marry my dad? I'm not gonna even ask where you heard that from.
My mom didn't love my dad? Look, kid, I'm gonna tell you something your mother never will or has to.
Your father's an asshole.
And it's important that you are respectful and find love in your heart for your father.
But I'm telling you, kid, he is a yoiner and a putz and a complete schmuck.
Unfortunately, we don't get to choose our parents.
Just have to play the hand we're dealt.
And the sooner you see your father for who he is, the sooner you can move on in life.
And, look just because your father is a loser, that does not rub off on you.
Okay? It's not genetic.
It's not.
You're different, okay? And not weird-different.
Cool.
Cool-different.
All right, and I've got some other good news.
Your mother may be the greatest mother in-in the world.
She's crazy and a complete pain in the ass and annoying, but she loves you and she would do anything for you.
And the most important thing in the world the most important thing is that she's there.
You wake up, she's there.
You go to sleep, she's there.
You need her, she's there.
You don't need her, she's there.
Even when she isn't there she's there.
She'll always be there, and that is all that matters.
Okay, what's my favorite ice cream? - Mint chip.
- That's true.
Let's go get some.
Well, you must be Esther.
Lovely to meet you.
I've heard so much about you.
I'm Phil.
I don't know if Walter's told you about me, but he's my friend.
My special friend.
He thinks the world of you.
You have such pretty hair.
I was born behind the veil.
A caulbearer, they call it.
The amniotic sac was still attached to my head during birth.
Very rare.
Sign of good luck.
It's supposed to protect me from drowning, provide good fortune at court, and grant safety on the battlefield.
And I can also feel ghosts and spirits due to the caul.
So, you see, I've always felt lucky.
You're lucky, too.
I lost my husband years ago.
So it's just me now.
And I do okay.
Knock wood.
Oh.
Never saw you look Quite so pretty before Never saw you dress Quite so handsome What's more I could hardly wait To keep our date This lovely Easter morning And my heart beat fast As I came Through the door For In your Easter bonnet With all the frills upon it You'll be the grandest feller In the Easter parade I'll be all in clover And when they look us over We'll be the proudest couple In the Easter parade On the avenue Fifth Avenue The photographers will snap us And you'll find that you're in the rotogravure Oh, I could write a sonnet About your Easter bonnet And of the guy I'm taking To the Easter parade On the avenue Fifth Avenue The photog
Is somebody there? Is this, uh ? Oh.
Can you repeat that? I can't understand what you're saying.
Okay, great.
Um, I've been told that you have, uh, a room with a heart-shaped tub.
A tub that is, uh, shaped like a heart.
No reservations.
Cash in hour.
Oh, okay.
Um listen, we would only need it for about three hours.
Cleaning now.
Now clean.
Someone clean room.
Okay, good.
Good.
Clean is good.
I love clean.
I pay now? Wait 40 minutes.
You pay.
40 minutes.
I have to wait 40 ? Can I reserve it? Ugh.
Ugh! I don't know about this, dude.
You never, ever support me.
I do support you.
I'm in the middle of East L.
A.
renting you a sex motel room.
You could get pregnant from bumping into the furniture in this hotel.
Sorry, Mom.
Not all of us knew we wanted to be actors at age nine or whatever.
Honey, I support you.
Okay? I support your vision.
What is your vision, by the way? We need to shoot here.
This is the original motel from the '40s with, like, the first heart-shaped tubs and, like, the decay and-and all that.
Mm-hmm.
Never mind.
You wouldn't get it.
Of course I get it.
I was young once, too.
I used to do shit like this all the time.
One time, my friends and I I support you.
I do.
You're really following through.
Good for you.
I can't wait to see the pictures.
Thanks, Mom.
You can go now.
Oh, no way.
I ain't leaving you here alone.
Nope.
We will wait.
I love the cleaning.
Keep on cleaning.
Wax on, wax off.
Okay.
Whoa! Ha-ha! Smells like my 20s.
Really? Yes.
- Oh, it's great.
- Okay, please try not to touch any surface of this room with your bare skin.
Okay, Mom.
Thanks.
You can go now.
Okay.
- Sam, hi! - Hi.
- Hi, baby.
- Dude, this place - C'est magnifique.
- You look beautiful.
Sam, bonjour.
- Bonjour.
Ãa va? - Ãa va très bien.
This is, like, super professional set up, nice, cool.
Oh.
Is that what you're gonna wear? Hmm.
Okay.
- Well, yeah.
- Okay, Mom.
We're good.
We only have three hours.
So, you like the part where I drive you and I pay for the things, hmm? - Ollivier can drive me back.
- I'll-I'll make sure your daughter gets home safely, Sam, okay? And thank you so much for everything that you've done.
For the film, for the lens, for creating such a talented daughter.
C'est vraiment joli.
Cute.
So sweet.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
Changing right there.
Paisley.
Okay, so, you have to lock this door and let no people in.
No person.
Nobody.
- Bien sûr, belle-mère.
No problem.
- Okay? - I got it.
- Okay.
And, uh, I got Here's your water, and here is some Purell, and there's healthy snacks in here, but don't take them out and put them on the surface of the bureau, okay? So, just, um, barricade this door.
- Yes.
- I mean barricade it.
Like, put that in front of it, okay? 'Cause if anybody walks in here and sees this, I could get arrested.
What's happening? I feel like I'm in trouble.
You working? What? You working? Am I working? No Oh, yeah.
Am I working? No.
Okay.
Hang on.
Can I ask you something? Yeah.
What's the going rate for someone like me? Depends.
On what? It's a buyer's market.
So 15 minutes.
What's a good offer? The top ain't bad, but how's your caboose? It's-it's a nice caboose.
It's tight and high.
Let me see.
35? I was thinking 40, but the hand brace took it down.
Oh.
Mm.
Okay.
- See you around.
- Have a nice day.
I love that fucking car.
Blue, purple and rainbow confetti.
Yellow, green, pink.
Fat carrot.
Eggs with mustache.
Eggs as basketballs, baseballs.
Baby chicken being born in a pot of tea.
Straw coming out of his head.
Can I get five gold star balloons and the letter K? Do you have the letter K? - And H and J.
- The letters H and J.
Mylar or latex? - Mylar.
- Mylar.
- We're out of Mylar.
- They're out of Mylar.
You can't be serious.
They're out of Mylar? - Out of Mylar.
- Oh, my God.
That's ridiculous.
Fine.
I'll just do latex.
Can you tell me is there a way to drive with balloons? Like, is there, like, a protocol for blown-up balloons for, like, visibility? Well, that's up to you and how you drive.
You know what I'm saying? That's so cute.
Can you turn your head a little bit more to the right? That's awesome.
Can you just face that down a little, please? Of course.
- Oh, that looks awesome.
- Right? - Good night.
- Night.
- Hey.
- Oh, hi.
Whoa! Thank you.
Oh.
Really? Real-oh? Huh.
Thank you for helping us with the shoot, belle mère.
Bisou.
Ollivier.
Hashtag he fucked her.
- Bape up.
- Hmm.
- Time to bape up.
- Hmm? Don't you want to come and see what the Easter Bunny left you? Good morning.
Good morning.
The Easter Bunny came.
- What do you think about that? - Oh, my God.
Mom, must we with the charade? Yes, we must! We must! Good morning! How are you? Guess what? Candy.
Candy for breakfast.
Peter Cottontail is downstairs.
Let's go! Thank you, Mom.
Phil! I didn't find my name on a basket.
You don't get a basket.
You're Jewish.
Darling, you better hurry.
It's a brunch, you know, and the food always goes cold if you're late.
Oh, I'm not going, but I made a nice cake for you - to bring to Walter.
- You certainly are going.
I'm not going on my own.
You are.
- Yes! - What?! Ooh, candy! You said you were coming with me.
I never said that.
I was never going.
Then I'll take Duke.
Duke wants to stay home with me.
Don't you, honey? There are gonna be games, and an Easter egg hunt and all sorts of things.
- I'll go.
- Hmm? Is it okay, Mom? Not that you asked, but I think this whole holiday is offensive.
Like, it's-it's basically marking the fertility of women.
Like, the beginning of breeding season.
But we like the candy.
Duke, grab your basket, go upstairs and get dressed.
You're going with Nan to her married boyfriend's house.
Okay.
Mm, come on.
Let's go upstairs.
His wife is 82, and she has advanced Alzheimer's and sits in a chair all day long.
But doesn't it feel disrespectful to her? I mean, how do you think that she feels? Oh, Pipsqueak, if you haven't worked this out by now, life gets very complicated.
When you're young and someone's married, it's an automatic no.
But as you get older, you see that sometimes some people find themselves in situations that are untenable.
And yet they can't leave a marriage.
There's insurance and children and illness, property.
There's a million reasons why they stay together when they shouldn't.
So the question doesn't become "Are you married" but "How married are you?" Hmm.
And to answer your question, "How does his wife feel?" I think she sits in a chair and drools all day long.
That's what I think.
That cake is adorable, by the way.
Put it in the tin.
Ta-ra.
Oh, look who's here.
Happy, happy.
- I brought you a cake.
- Ah.
Old family recipe.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Mmm.
My My sister Delia.
- This is my friend Phyllis.
- Hello.
Uh, Duke, uh, you go downstairs with the kids, 'cause they're hiding the Easter eggs out back.
- Okay.
- Okay.
So, you're the British lady this guy can't stop squawking about.
I'm Jeremy, blessed with the best genes of all the bunch.
And such a humble man at that.
Get out of here.
This is so pretty.
May the 57th annual Stanton Family Easter Egg Hunt begin! - Hi.
- Hi.
Oh.
Oh There's more over there.
Okay.
Found one.
Aah! Ow.
- Ah, is it bleeding? - It's just a little scratch.
Get back in there.
Eye on the prize.
Are you sure she didn't cut her cornea? Are you seeing blurry, honey? - Hmm.
- No, she's just fine.
Tough as nails.
There we are.
I've got some Neosporin in the house.
Let me fix you up, sweetie.
Come on, sweetie.
Let me fill up your basket, dear.
- Oh.
- Go on.
Come on out.
You got wet? the wrapped ones.
No.
Those are the Ah.
You know Theresa.
You know when your mother got pregnant with your sister, I told her she had to get married to your father right away, but she didn't want to do that.
So I told her she had to get an abortion right away.
She didn't want to do that, either.
She never really loved your father.
I suppose that's why the marriage was doomed from the outset.
These are things you should know, my little angel.
Hey, little big man.
Hi, Uncle Marion! Time to go, Phil.
What are you doing here? You called me to pick you up? Hmm? Let's go.
Well, I haven't finished my drink.
Ah, that means we can be here ten more days.
Come on.
Why such a rush? It's not as if you have anywhere to be.
- Careful.
- It's the truth.
You have no place to be.
You never have any place to be.
That's enough.
You've been play-acting some busy-busy since you crashed into California.
One second.
You cannot speak to me that way.
I can speak to you any way I like.
You apologize.
Now.
Little Lord Fauntleroy.
I mean it, Phil.
Say you're sorry.
Well, I do feel sorry.
- Do you? - I feel sorry that you are as insecure as your father.
But at least he had - a sense of humor.
- No more.
This is it.
Red line drawn.
I demand a statement of remorse.
A what? A statement of remorse! For what? For everything.
For e everything! Pull yourself together.
Making a scene.
I want a statement of remorse, Phil.
For the last 53 years of my life with you.
And I'm not leaving here until I get it.
Oh, the dramatics.
The neglected Marion.
No one's even asked me why I'm still out here.
Darling, no one needs to ask.
We all know that little toad of a wife kicked you to the curb months ago, but we've been too polite to mention it.
Come on.
Let's get away from Satan.
Hey.
Piece of pie? Something sweet for my sweet? Hmm? I think I'll just go - and freshen up for a moment.
- Hmm? Hmm? No.
No, no.
No, sit.
Sit down.
Sit.
Family is complicated.
It always has been.
But when you round out enough of these holidays, focus on the good.
Life is too short.
I'm glad you came today.
Thank you, dear.
Okay.
Is it true that my mom didn't want to marry my dad? I'm not gonna even ask where you heard that from.
My mom didn't love my dad? Look, kid, I'm gonna tell you something your mother never will or has to.
Your father's an asshole.
And it's important that you are respectful and find love in your heart for your father.
But I'm telling you, kid, he is a yoiner and a putz and a complete schmuck.
Unfortunately, we don't get to choose our parents.
Just have to play the hand we're dealt.
And the sooner you see your father for who he is, the sooner you can move on in life.
And, look just because your father is a loser, that does not rub off on you.
Okay? It's not genetic.
It's not.
You're different, okay? And not weird-different.
Cool.
Cool-different.
All right, and I've got some other good news.
Your mother may be the greatest mother in-in the world.
She's crazy and a complete pain in the ass and annoying, but she loves you and she would do anything for you.
And the most important thing in the world the most important thing is that she's there.
You wake up, she's there.
You go to sleep, she's there.
You need her, she's there.
You don't need her, she's there.
Even when she isn't there she's there.
She'll always be there, and that is all that matters.
Okay, what's my favorite ice cream? - Mint chip.
- That's true.
Let's go get some.
Well, you must be Esther.
Lovely to meet you.
I've heard so much about you.
I'm Phil.
I don't know if Walter's told you about me, but he's my friend.
My special friend.
He thinks the world of you.
You have such pretty hair.
I was born behind the veil.
A caulbearer, they call it.
The amniotic sac was still attached to my head during birth.
Very rare.
Sign of good luck.
It's supposed to protect me from drowning, provide good fortune at court, and grant safety on the battlefield.
And I can also feel ghosts and spirits due to the caul.
So, you see, I've always felt lucky.
You're lucky, too.
I lost my husband years ago.
So it's just me now.
And I do okay.
Knock wood.
Oh.
Never saw you look Quite so pretty before Never saw you dress Quite so handsome What's more I could hardly wait To keep our date This lovely Easter morning And my heart beat fast As I came Through the door For In your Easter bonnet With all the frills upon it You'll be the grandest feller In the Easter parade I'll be all in clover And when they look us over We'll be the proudest couple In the Easter parade On the avenue Fifth Avenue The photographers will snap us And you'll find that you're in the rotogravure Oh, I could write a sonnet About your Easter bonnet And of the guy I'm taking To the Easter parade On the avenue Fifth Avenue The photog