Blunt Talk (2015) Episode Scripts

N/A - Let's Save Central Florida! Let's Save Midtown!

Previously on Blunt Talk.
A family in LA are living in a harmonious zero waste manner.
I mean, they're hoping that by having no impact, they'll have an impact.
Walter wanted me to convey his most sincere apologies for bumping you off the show again.
- How do you know Walter? - He's my sex and love addict sponsor.
- Rosalie, this is Rosalie.
- What? Here's my weird thing.
I get too drunk at parties.
Major described a good orgasm like a red comet followed by a black abyss.
You were the nicest guy I've met in a long time.
- This is all my fault.
- Oh, don't beat yourself up.
Not everything is your fault.
I need help! I'll be right there! Major! Major, are you all right? Yes, I'm fine, Harry.
I don't feel so muddled when I look at the sky.
Very good, sir.
Is that Ronnie's petting goat? Yes, sir.
He forgot her.
She's a sweet lass.
Yes, I looked into her eyes last night.
Very soulful.
She would have made a great silent film star.
I would agree, sir.
That was quite the party, sir.
The boys would be proud.
What's the word on Dr.
Weiss? He's in a stable condition, sir.
Should be out in a week.
Oh, excellent.
I saw you sneak into the tent with Sylvia.
Yes, Major.
I may have had a breakthrough with my issue.
Only took 50-odd years.
Harry, I'm so pleased to hear this.
I didn't see the red comet followed by the black void as you described it, sir, but I did tell Sylvia I loved her.
I-I couldn't help myself.
Well, that's all right.
It's natural.
It happens.
Could I have some more coffee, please? Well, I didn't sneak off with anyone last night.
But I did smoke some marijuana.
Yes, sir.
I had a somewhat alarming dream.
Or flashback.
The day that Westhoff and Kent, you know.
Yes, sir.
I hesitated, Harry.
And then there was too much fire.
I I couldn't get to them.
I've never told you exactly what happened before.
You haven't needed to, sir.
I've always known you blame yourself.
I shouldn't be here, Harry.
I should have gone with them.
Then who would have saved me? I don't know if it's of interest, sir, but I saw an article last month about a psychologist here in LA who works with vets who have post-traumatic stress disorder.
You think I have PTSD? Perhaps we both have a touch of it, sir.
I don't have PTSD, Harry.
How could I have functioned all these years? You function, but it doesn't mean you don't suffer.
We could try to see him today.
He has a unique approach.
Great party, Walter.
- Do you have any coffee? - Hershel, is that my robe? Not to worry.
No sex happened in this robe.
Okay, bye.
That one is a firecracker.
We'll discuss it at group.
- Here we go.
- Oh, thank you.
No, no, Martin.
You have to look us in the eye when you drink.
Otherwise it means years of bad sex.
Yeah, I didn't look someone in the eyes back in '79.
I was cursed with premature ejaculation till I met Rosalie in '85.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, I got you some things for your trip to the Appalachian Trail.
I'll be right back.
Teddy seems really good.
He's taking huge doses of vitamin E.
- Oh.
- Maybe it'll help.
So did you have a nice time with the other Rosalie last night? Eh, it was okay.
But she's not as fun as you.
Course she's not.
I'm gonna miss you, Martin.
Are you sure you have to go find yourself on the Appalachian Trail? I'm only walking a part of the trail, so I might not find my whole self.
Stand up, son.
A journey requires a proper benediction.
Mark Strand, one of the greats.
Let me read a few lines.
"In a field, I am the absence of field.
This is always the case wherever I am.
I am what is missing.
" Everything a man needs for a proper walkabout.
A stick, a book of poetry, a compass, and a kiss.
Oh, my two men.
Here we go, guys.
Here we go.
And pull.
Really feel that music, you guys.
I work on the principle that the body and the mind are deeply connected.
They're like two very good friends.
They're like you two.
The thing that's important for you to understand is that you can approach your issues through the body.
But, Doctor, can I have had PTSD for over 30 years and not know it? Well, it's impossible to tell by just looking at you.
But let me ask you a question.
How do you feel inside your body right now? - What do you mean? - Your blink response.
How does your body feel here at its center? - On guard.
- Why? - Self-defense.
- Are you afraid? - Yes.
- Are you afraid of me? No, I don't think so.
Well, then fear might be your resting position.
Like a car set at the wrong idle.
How about you, Harry? How do you feel inside your body right now? I don't feel anything.
Excellent responses both of you.
Now tell me, what sort of music do you like? - Buddy Holly.
- Taylor Swift.
- Randy Newman.
- Anything with a flute.
Hey, Mom.
What's wrong? Your face looks funny.
I I think I'm happy.
Well, that's wonderful.
What happened? Well, don't tell Dad, because he'll ask too many questions, but there's there's this girl at You're in love? Is it mutual? Can she have children? Uh, it's probably not mutual, but it's just nice to feel something, you know? How's Walter? He still seeing that Freudian? Yes, but Dr.
Weiss had a heart attack last night from cocaine.
Yeah, it is terrible.
We must express our feelings.
Otherwise the body breaks, so does the mind.
Shakespeare said, "My tongue will tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart, concealing it, will break.
" - Taming of the Shrew.
- Yes, exactly.
So as you can see, I'm not really saying anything very new.
And you think that dance can help this? Yes.
Now, this is not a cure.
It's just a part of our overall holistic approach.
Martha, Linda.
What I'd like to do now is just give you a sort of a brief introduction to the work.
I don't know, ladies.
This seems somewhat absurd.
I won't step on your toes, I promise.
You liked dancing during your near-death experience, Major.
Ready? Can we start again? Okay.
Step, step, step.
Whoo! Come on, Major.
Hey! - Morning, everyone.
- Morning.
We have a lot to do, so let's get started with Dr.
Mendelson, the post-traumatic stress disorder specialist whom Harry and I saw this weekend.
He thinks that I may have PTSD.
And that my body has been set on frightened for the past 33 years.
Are you sure? This is terrible.
No, what is terrible is not dealing with it.
I have spent the last 24 hours researching the most current treatments, including psychomotor and dance therapy.
I want to do a series on this.
As I educate myself, we can educate our audience.
If I talk about having PTSD, there are so many people, especially veterans, whom we can help.
A six-part series? I always like six-part series.
Sure, and I booked Dr.
Mendelson for tonight.
Oh, but we have a packed show, Walter.
Yeah, and the interview segment is the zero-impact family.
Oh, shit.
Oh, I really want to get this series started.
But then their message is terribly crucial, too.
We could shift the zero-impact family to tomorrow night.
That could work.
Tonight we focus on helping people with PTSD, tomorrow the environment.
How many times have we bumped the Adlers? This will be the third.
Well, that's not very much.
We will put them up in an eco-friendly hotel.
- Celia, bump the Adlers.
- But I bumped them last time.
And I bumped them the time before that.
- Jim, bump the Adlers.
- What? I you know I'm not good at bumping.
Jim, if you can broadcast, you can bump.
Try and relax, Duncan.
Chew your lettuce wrap and breathe.
I am chewing and breathing.
Don't pick on me.
We're about to be on national television.
This is what we've been waiting for.
You're starving your brain of oxygen.
- And that's why you feel panicked.
- I don't feel panicked! Yes!? Come in.
Come in.
Hey, uh, Mr.
and Mrs.
Um, my name's Jim and I would like You're here for the pre-interview, of course.
Um, here, we prepared a list of questions this time for Mr.
We thought it might be helpful.
Oh, ahem, sweet.
Uh, questions.
Um uh Oh, no.
You're here to bump us.
- No, it can't be.
- Gaia damn it.
Did you say gay damn it? I said Gaia damn it.
It's the Greek mother of nature.
It's an Earth-friendly curse.
- Oh.
- But look what you made me do.
I littered.
There's chickpeas everywhere going to waste.
- Ow! Ow.
- Oh, Dunky.
- Oh, what's happening? - Oh.
I'm having a crippling back spasm.
What do you think is happening? - Oh, Gaia.
I'm sorry.
- Ow.
Um, Walter promises that he'll have you on tomorrow night.
I swear.
Can you say with 100% certainty that we're gonna be on Blunt Talk tomorrow? Well, I mean I can't believe this.
Please get out of here.
Okay, but Walter wants to put you up in a eco-friendly hotel.
Out! You are the worst bumper yet.
Yeah, I know.
I knew they were gonna bump us.
I'm taking this to the next level.
I don't have a lot of time to make it happen.
Duncan! You left your cell phone charged? Yeah, sometimes we got to make compromises for the greater good.
What, you don't love me anymore? No, I will always love you, Duncan.
All right, now before I make these calls, I want you to walk on my back.
But give me something to bite on so I don't sever my tongue like last time.
Here you go.
That's a good Dunky.
Where's Walter, Harry? He's in the edit with Shelly going over clips for the PTSD segment.
He's really invested in this.
Well, I think he's trying to make up for the war.
Poor Major.
He's been carrying a lot of guilt for a long time.
What about you, Rosalie.
Are you all right? Seem a little blue.
I am.
I can't stop worrying about Teddy.
- Oh.
- I was hoping Walter and I might spoon.
Do you want me to fetch him? No, he's busy.
Would you like to spoon, Harry? I'd be honored.
Jim? Hey.
How did it go with the Adlers? Not well.
He became hysterical.
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
I hate bumping.
I'm the worst at it.
Yeah, me, too.
But don't be down.
Let's think of something positive.
Um Oh, no, I I can't come up with anything.
Yeah, me neither.
I feel like I'm a rescue dog.
I'm, just, like, permanently scared of other people.
Um, I think I just I think I just thought of something positive.
It's it's kind of embarrassing.
Should I tell you? Well, you have to now.
Even though you got drunk at the party and passed out, I really liked being there with you.
I really like spending time with you.
You know, socially.
Or not.
I feel the same.
I'm gonna put the pillow back on.
This is nice.
I thought your passion was knitting, Harry.
When did you start reading romance novels? This weekend.
See, my trauma had me numb for the longest time.
But then at the party, well, I had something of a sexual awakening.
I can tell, Harry.
It's very nice.
Oh, dear.
I'm so sorry.
I I don't have a lot of experience with spooning.
Oh, I don't mind.
Oh, okay.
What are you two doing? You're in the wrong positions.
I'm trying something new.
Well, get up at once.
Both of you.
We have a very important broadcast to work on.
Let's have a good show, everyone.
Five, four, three Good evening.
Welcome to Blunt Talk.
I am Walter Blunt, right here, right now.
- Tonight on Blunt Talk - Everybody! Everybody, this is a takeover, but stay calm.
What the hell is this, Mr.
Adler? Ah, whoa! Ah.
I'm sorry.
Stay back.
No one move.
Don't cut.
Keep the camera on.
- Major! - No, Harry, stay in the control room.
Keep them all calm in there.
All right, you with the headset, tell them to keep it rolling.
Uh, stay live.
Stay live.
Stay live, yeah.
Stay live and we all stay alive.
Yeah, here we go.
Blunt, sit down, please.
Here we go.
Adler, you have everyone's attention, but you are in serious trouble.
Now, please, give me that gun right now and everything will go much better for you.
- Sit down! - No.
Okay, fine, I'll stand.
This is the interview we were supposed to have.
Ask me the questions.
I will not do anything that you ask.
I was sympathetic to your cause, but I am not sympathetic to violence.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey! If I'm crazy enough to do this, I am crazy enough to shoot you.
Walter, listen to him.
What is that? What's that? All right.
That's what I'll do.
Is there any hope for the environment? Whew, coming out swinging.
Excellent question.
Yes, there is hope for the environment.
You know, I grew up in LA and they said there was nothing that could be done about the smog.
But in the last 40 years, the smog has been reduced by 98% and there are four times as many cars on the road and four times as many people.
So, yes, I'd say we're capable of change.
Drop the gun! Whoa, whoa, back off, cops.
- Back off.
Back off.
Back off.
Back up.
- No, no, officers.
Officers, d-don't take any chances, please.
- Yeah.
- Back off.
Let just let this madman have his say.
That's right, I'm a madman.
Adler, point the gun at me.
At me.
Okay? There, that's good.
Yeah, all right.
Here we go.
Next question.
What is the bad news? These are overly simple questions, don't you think? No editorializing.
Here's the bad news.
If we had listened to the NASA report in '87, we could have saved places like South Florida, downtown Manhattan, and Bangladesh.
But it's too late.
So let's save Central Florida.
Let's save Midtown.
Let's save, you know, the areas slightly above Bangladesh.
Next question.
You know, Mr.
Adler, we could have sat down and talked about this reasonably.
But you kept bumping me.
Now read the next question.
I'm sure it's one you'll like.
Is saving the environment bad for the economy? No! $250 billion a year leaves the US for Saudi Arabia.
Let's spend that money on American electrons made right here, right now by good old fashioned wind and solar.
Shit, we got to go.
Sorry, I said shit on air.
Get up.
Get up.
We got to go.
We got to go.
We got to go.
- Where are we going? - You'll find out.
You, over there, open that door.
Go to that door.
Go to that door.
Back up, no! Please stay back, people.
- Step away.
Step away.
- Step away.
Step away.
Watch your step.
Watch your step.
Watch your step.
- Stay back, everyone.
- Yeah, stay back.
Oh, hey, a quick shout out to Detroit.
You guys keep doing what you're doing.
The electric car's gonna save this planet's ass.
Whoo! Whoo! 313! Go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
No, no.
Stay back.
- Stay back! - Stay there.
- Walter, be careful.
- Stay right there.
Why are you walking so strangely? - Are you rigged with a bomb? - I have a bad back.
It could be repressed anger, you know? - Really? - Yes.
Is that a gun? - Who was that? - He's a trauma specialist.
Celia, okay, take my desk.
It's your turn now.
Everybody else, keep the broadcast going! Keep broadcasting! Celia, to the desk.
Let's go, everyone.
Now! Now, now, now! Let's go! He's on the move! Breaking news.
Incredibly, Walter Blunt has just been taken hostage by an eco-terrorist named Duncan Adler.
No, stay back! Back, back! No shooting! No shooting! - Stay back.
- Stay back, everyone.
Listen, maybe I drove you to this with bumping you all the time, but this is not the way.
I was about to start a six-part series.
Six-part series? Really? Wow, that's a lot.
Yeah, well, I could have had you on tomorrow night as well.
If only no, don't point that at your head.
Now! About face! About time! Let's go! Whoo! Ow.
What is this? It's our getaway.
Thank you for letting me take over the show.
Hope you won't hold this against me.
Major! Shit! Shit.
Major! Major! Major! Good evening.
This is Blunt Talk.
- I'm James Stone.
- And I'm Celia Havemeyer.
We're filling in for Walter Blunt who was abducted 24 hours ago during our broadcast.
Duncan Adler, a radical eco-terrorist, formed a flash mob outside of UBS to fashion his escape while holding Blunt prisoner.
Waiting for the mob were 100 Chevy Volts and Priuses.
The members of the mob, disguised to look like Adler and Blunt, drove off in the cars in numerous directions enabling the terrorist to elude capture.
As of right now, there's no information regarding Walter Blunt's whereabouts.
So, Walter, if you're watching this, please stay safe and just know that we miss you.
And love you.
Stop! Help me! Stop! Stop! - Walter! - Rosalie.
Walter, darling.
Are you hurt? No, no.
They gave me a veggie burger with a sleeping pill in it.
I woke up at the roadside and they'd disappeared into the night.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Thank you.
Commanding officer, sir.
Oh, Harry.
Thank you.
Cheers, dears.
How am I to feel about all this? I finally get to give a message of hope to the American people and it's delivered by a well-intentioned madman.
You were held up at gunpoint, Walter.
Yes, I remember, Jim.
You were very brave, Walter.
Oh, very.
And macho.
Thank you, Shelly.
Harry, do you ever have a profound sense of déjà vu? Yes, sir.
So, what would you like me to read to you tonight? I don't think you have to ask, Harry.
Very good, sir.
The Once and Future King.
I'll pick up where we left off.
"The old king felt refreshed.
Almost ready to begin again.
There would be a day, there must be a day, when he would come back to Gramarye with a new round table which had no corners - just as the world had none.
" - Mm.
"A table without boundaries between the nations who would sit to feast there.
" Mm.
"The hope of making it would lie in culture.
If people could be persuaded to read and write, not just to eat and make love, there was still a chance that they might come to reason.