Buffy the Vampire Slayer s01e09 Episode Script

In every generation there is a Chosen One.
She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness.
She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness.
She is the Slayer.
I will be whole.
I will be new.
Thank you, Cordelia.
- That's going to be lovely.
- But I didn't do the part with the sparklers.
We'll save that for the dress rehearsal.
Lisa? Please! - If it isn't the great producer.
- Had to see this to believe it.
Oh, you three.
The school talent show.
How ever did you finagle such an assignment? Our new Führer, Mr Snyder.
I think they call them principals now.
He thought I should have more contact with the students.
I tried to explain that my vocational choice of librarian was a deliberate attempt to minimise that contact, but he would have none of it.
Giles, into every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show.
You cannot escape your destiny.
If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated.
Or at least helped.
Nah.
I think I'll take on your traditional role, and watch.
- And mock.
- And laugh.
OK.
I think maybe we better leave our Mr Giles to this business he calls show.
Principal Snyder.
So, we think school events are stupid and we think authority figures are to be made fun of? No, no, we don't.
Unless you do.
And we think our afternoon classes are optional? - All three of you left campus yesterday.
- But we were fighting a demon - Fighting? - Not fighting.
No, we left to avoid fighting.
Real antisocial types.
You need to integrate into this school, people.
I think I just found three eager new participants for the talent show.
- What? - No.
Please? I've been watching you three.
Always getting into one scrape.
We're really sorry, but about the talent show, you can't make us! My predecessor, Mr Flutie, may have gone in for all that touchy-feely relating nonsense.
But he was eaten.
You're in my world now.
And Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time.
Can I just mention that detention is a time-honoured form of punishment? I know the three of you will come up with a wonderful act for us to watch.
And mock.
And laugh at.
No! No.
Thank you.
Eugh! A dummy.
Yeeow! Mime?! I think dummies are cute.
You don't? They give me the wig.
Ever since I was little.
What happened? I saw a dummy.
It gave me the wig.
There really wasn't a story there.
Hi, I'm Morgan.
And I'm Sid.
Hey, Morgan, would you like to tell some jokes? Would I! As a matter of fact, it is! It's also a wood nose and a wood mouth.
- I didn't sleep at all last night.
- All right, time out.
Let's stop this before someone gets hurt.
Kid, you are the worst.
Even I can see your lips move.
Come on, Sid, you're spoiling my act.
I worked on these jokes for weeks.
You call those jokes? My jockey shorts are made out of better material.
And they're edible! You see? I'm sure you three can come up with something equally exciting.
Is anybody there? Hello? Hello? I will be flesh! I reach into the hat and out comes Uh, has anybody seen a rabbit? - I can't do this.
- Xander, come on.
I can't! I have my pride.
OK, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this.
A dramatic scene is the easiest way to get through the talent show because it doesn't require an actual talent.
But we have talent.
We can do stuff.
- Buffy, uh - What can I do? Slay vampires on stage? Maybe in a funny way.
Willow, you can do stuff.
Uh, the piano.
- You play? - A little.
Cool.
You could play and we could attempt to sing.
Oh, in front of other people? Then, no, I don't play.
What happened to corporal punishment? Mm-mm-mm.
Look at the goodies.
Morgan, you're really getting good.
- Where did you come up with that voice? - It's kind of an imitation of my dad.
- Sounds real.
- It is real.
I'm the one with the talent here.
The kid's dead weight.
How about you and I do a little rehearsing on our own, honey? Hey! You know what they say: once you go wood, nothing's as good.
OK, Morgan, we get the joke.
Horny dummy, ha-ha, very funny.
But you should consider some new shtick, unless you want your prop ending up as a Duraflame log! Kids today need discipline.
It's an unpopular word these days: discipline.
I know Principal Flutie would have said kids need understanding, kids are human beings.
That's the kind of liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.
I think, perhaps, it was a little more complex than that.
This place has quite a reputation.
Suicide, missing persons, spontaneous cheerleader combustion.
You can't put up with that.
You gotta keep an eye on the bad element.
Like those three.
Kids! I don't like them.
From now on you're going to see a very different Sunnydale High.
A tight ship.
Clean, orderly, and quiet.
- It was Emily.
- Emily? Dancer Emily? Oh, man.
I hate this school.
It must have happened after dress rehearsals.
There was a cross-country meet.
She never showed up for it.
- Vampire? - I think not.
Giles, share.
What happened? - Her heart was removed.
- Yikes.
Does that mean anything to you? Besides "ewww!" There are various demons which feed off human hearts, but But demons have claws and teeth.
They got no use for a big old knife.
- Which very likely makes our murderer - Human.
Did I mention I hate this school? So Emily was killed by a regular human person? The evidence certainly points that way.
No, wait.
I'm not buying, you guys.
Remember the Hellmouth? Mystical activity is totally rife here.
This, to me, says demon.
I'd like to think you're right.
A demon is a creature of evil, pure and simple.
A person driven to kill is It's more complex.
And the creep factor is also heightened.
It could be anyone.
It could be me.
It's not, though.
Demon or no, we have investigating to do.
I suggest we start with your talent show compatriots.
One may have been the last to see her alive.
I didn't know her well.
There's a dancer-band rivalry.
- Heard about that.
- But I did speak to her the day that - Yesterday.
- How did she seem? Happy.
She was psyched to be in the show.
She was a really good dancer.
Here, pick a card.
No, wait, wait, wait! Not that one.
Pick this one.
Remember the last time you saw her? - She was talking to someone.
- Who? That smart guy, the one with the dummy.
What's his name? - Morgan? - Yeah, that's it.
- He was acting kinda strange.
- Strange, how? It's just such a tragedy for me.
- Emma was like my best friend.
- Emily.
Well, Morgan's just strange.
He's always rubbing his head a lot and moaning.
- Especially the other day.
- He seemed paranoid, looking at everyone.
I think I saw him arguing with his dummy.
All I can think is it could have been me! We can dream.
Right now, you and me gotta be on the lookout.
Figure out who's gonna be next.
How are we supposed to Hi.
Hello.
I was just working on throwing my voice.
Uh, Morgan, did you notice anything weird going on around here yesterday? Weird? What do you mean? With Emily.
Did she say anything to you? Was she arguing with anyone? No.
She was dancing.
- Sid and I were talking.
- Talking? Rehearsing.
So you didn't notice anything weird at Morgan, are you OK? Look, sweetheart, he answered your question.
Now leave him alone.
OK, Morgan.
How about talking to me yourself now? He's said all he's gonna say.
It's OK, Sid.
We're done.
I'm sorry.
Look, I didn't mean to make you mad.
No, I'm It's him! He's We have to go.
Cute couple.
Next time we split up, someone else is on Cordie detail.
We came close to having another organ donor.
I had more luck.
Everyone I talked to pointed their fingers at the same person.
- Morgan? - Morgan.
- We have a winner.
- I fear I was led to the same conclusion.
Well, what do we do? We wanna bring him to justice.
We could set up a sting operation where we get him to confess.
- I should wear a wire! - Whoa, hey, guys.
All we know is that Morgan is a Grade A weirdo.
That doesn't lead to murderer.
- The guy talks to his puppet.
- And for his puppet.
Yeah, but what about the whole "it's a demon" theory? I'm looking into that, but my investigation is somewhat hampered by life in the theatre.
Uh, priority check, Giles? Talent show.
Murder.
Yeah, we can't do the talent show.
I'm not able to think it.
Principal Snyder is watching us all closely.
If he chooses, he can make all our lives difficult.
A slayer cannot afford that.
We will find this murderer, but in the meantime the show must go on.
- This is so unfair.
- Buffy, you watch Morgan.
- See if there's anything in his locker.
- Like a heart? Or something.
- All right.
- I'll pull up his locker number.
Can I still wear a wire? OK.
Two to the left, three to the right.
Principal Snyder! - What are you doing? - Uh, looking for something.
School hours are over.
You, therefore, should be gone.
And I'm going any minute now.
There are things I will not tolerate.
Students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed.
And also smoking.
Well, I don't do any of those things.
Not ever.
There's something going on with you.
I'll figure it out sooner or later.
Do you need something here? Oh, yeah.
Right.
Um, a friend wanted me to get something out of his case.
He must have taken it and forgotten to tell me.
Get along home now.
It's late.
No, I can't do it! It's the only way.
- I don't want - She's the one! - But - You saw what she did.
How strong she is.
- I know, but - She's the last.
Just this one more and I'll be free.
- I won't.
- I will! Hi, hon.
How's it going with the talent show? It'll be over soon.
It can't be that bad.
l, for one, am looking forward to seeing your act.
Seeing? In the sense of actually attending? - Of course! - Uh-uh, no, Mom.
You can't.
If I know you're out there watching, I'll freeze up.
Stage fright.
But I wanna support you.
Look, Mom, if you really love me and wanna show your support, you'll stay away.
Far away! Honey, is there something bothering you? I mean, besides your fabulous debut.
Nothing.
There's just a lot going on right now.
Well, get some sleep.
- You'll feel better in the morning.
- Good plan.
- What is it? - In the bed, in the covers, there's something! Where? There's something there.
Well, there's nothing there now.
Did you have a nightmare? No, there's some There is Yeah.
You're probably right.
- I'm sorry I got you up.
- Don't worry.
I was dreaming about bills.
Sweetheart, you shouldn't go to sleep with the window open.
I didn't.
And my lovely assistant steps into the box.
And behold! You were supposed to leave.
I don't understand why I have to follow Brett and his stupid band.
Because we have to clear their equipment before the finale.
But the mood.
It'll be all wrong.
My song is about dignity and human feelings and personal hygiene or something.
Anyway it's sappy, and no one is gonna be feeling sappy after all that rock'n'roll.
- What? - Oh, I'm sorry.
Um, your hair There's something wrong with my hair? Oh, my God.
Xander was right.
It worked like a charm.
Hello.
You look a bit worse for, uh What exactly are you the worse for? - Where's Morgan? - I haven't seen him.
- Did he do something to you? - No, it was his Sid, the dummy.
OK, everyone look at me like I'm in a bunny suit cos that's how stupid I feel saying this.
I think Sid was in my room last night.
- With Morgan? - No.
He was alone and alive.
- Did you see him? - I saw something.
It ran across my floor and it attacked me.
Attacked you? How? - It pounced on my face.
- Like a cat? Yeah, exactly.
But when I turned the lights on I think it went out my window.
- Like a cat? - Yeah.
No! It was Sid, the dummy.
Or the nightmare of somebody who had dummies on her mind.
You did say they creep you out.
Excuse me, can I have some support here? I'm notjust some crazy person.
I'm the Slayer.
The Dummy Slayer? There's nothing funny about that.
Well, on the side of the "Morgan's just crazy" theory, there is Well, Morgan.
I'd like to see Morgan without his better half.
Bet he could tell me something.
Oh, if it's any consolation, I may have found a possible demon culprit.
There's this reference in here to a brotherhood of seven demons who take the form of the unhumans.
Every seven years these demons need human organs, a brain and a heart, to maintain their humanity, or they revert back to their original form which is slightly less appealing.
So Morgan could still be the guy, only Demon Morgan, instead of Crazy Morgan.
Except that these demons are preternaturally strong, and Morgan is Well, he seems to be getting weaker every day.
As a result of this, President Monroe put forth the eponymous - meaning "named after oneself" - Monroe Doctrine, which, in one sense, established the US as a local peacekeeper Looks like someone digs you.
That's adorable.
You and the dummy could tour in the freak show.
OK, who can tell me how Spain responded to this policy? Morgan? Morgan? What? Morgan has other things on his mind.
- Give me your puppet.
- I'll put him away.
You'll get it back after school.
OK, then, in the first part of the 19th century I'm still watching you.
Morgan, that is enough! - Mrs Jackson? - Morgan.
- You said you'd give me - Oh, of course.
You know, I wanted to ask you.
Is everything OK? - At home? Here at school? - Yeah, it's great.
I feel like you've become a little detached.
You're one of the brightest kids I've seen, but lately it seems like you're not all there.
- Don't let other things get in the way.
- OK! Can I get Sid now? Sure.
- It's gone.
- Gone? What do you mean gone? - Where could he have gone? - I put it right here.
He knew to wait for me.
He knew I'd be back.
- What do you mean "he"? - What did you do with him? Where is he? - Where did you get that? - Oh, I took it out of Mrs Jackson's cupboard.
You said you wanted to speak to Morgan alone.
And, well, Morgan's alone .
.
and Sid's with me.
Hi, Buffy.
Hi, Willow.
Would you like to hear some off-colourjokes? - I don't think you should be doing that.
- What? Come on! - I'm not real.
- Xander, quit it! He's not real.
I think our demonstration proves that Sid is wood.
Now, why don't you go find Morgan and prove he's whatever he is? - I imagine he's looking for his puppet.
- I'll go find Morgan.
- You watch the dummy.
- Bye-bye now.
I'm inanimate.
Redrum! Redrum! - What do we do with him? - Hey! I'll keep him company.
Willow, we have some hunting of our own to do.
Once again I'm banished to the demon section on the card catalogue.
You concentrate on reanimation theory.
I'll do organ harvesting.
- Unless you'd prefer - That's OK.
You can have the organs.
So I guess it's just you and me, huh? That looks more comfortable.
Morgan?! Morgan? Principal Snyder.
- Looking for something? - Have you seen Morgan Shay? You know, with everything that's been going on recently, I'm not sure how safe it is for a girl like yourself to be here.
Alone.
Well, I was just leaving.
And I know how to take care of myself.
All right, then.
Look what I found in "Toys and Magic".
"On rare occasions inanimate objects of human quality, such as dolls, already mystically possessed of consciousness, have acted upon their desire to become human by harvesting organs.
" - Emily's heart.
- Morgan's dummy.
- What is it? - He's gone! Sid's gone! What? Oh! Morgan? Morgan.
The demon's got himself a brain.
Whoever's out there, I'm gonna hurt you! Badly! If you'll just give me a minute.
You win.
Now you can take your heart and your brain and move on.
They would have made great trophies.
- That would have been justice.
- Yeah, except for one thing.
You lost and now you'll never be human.
Yeah, well, neither will you.
What? This is what I do.
I hunt demons.
Yeah.
You wouldn't know it to look at me.
Let's just say there was me, there was a really mean demon, there was a curse, and the next thing I know I'm not me any more.
I'm sitting on some guy's knee with his hand up my shirt.
And ever since then you've been a living dummy? The kid here was right.
I should have picked you to team up with.
- But I didn't because - Because you thought I was the demon.
Who can blame me for thinking? Look at you.
You're strong, athletic, limber, nubile.
I'm back.
In any case, now that this demon's got the heart and brain, he gets to keep the human form he's in for another seven years.
It's nice to have someone else explain all these things.
There were seven of these guys.
I've killed six.
If I can get the last one, the curse will be lifted and I'll be free.
I'm sure it's someone in that stupid talent show.
But now the demon will be moving on.
- So if someone's missing from the show - We'll know who our demon is.
- The show! - What? It's going to start! I should be there.
Pull everyone's addresses.
If they're not there, we can find them at home.
You, get 'em on stage.
Form the Power Circle.
Then we can see who's a no-show.
- Um, the what? - The Power Circle.
You get everyone together, you get 'em revved up.
Right.
How'd he ever get that gig? I can't go out there.
All those people staring at me and judging me like I'm some kind of Buffy! - What if I mess up? - Cordelia, there's an adage that if you're feeling nervous, you should imagine the audience are in their underwear.
Euch! Even Mrs Franklin? - Oh.
- Perhaps not.
All right, we'll assemble on the stage in five minutes for the power thing.
So what's your deal, kid? - I don't figure you for a demon hunter.
- I'm a vampire slayer.
You? You're the Slayer? Damn.
I knew a slayer in the thirties.
Korean chick.
Very hot.
We're talking muscle tone.
Man, we had some times.
Hey, that was pre-dummy, all right? I was a guy.
So, you kill the demon and the curse is lifted, right? - That's the drill.
- You don't turn into a prince, do you? - I mean, your body - Is dust and bones.
- When I say free - You mean dead.
Don't get sniffly on me, sis.
I've lived a lot longer than most demon hunters.
Or slayers, for that matter.
Of course, if you want to snuggle up and comfort me So that horny-dummy thing really isn't an act, is it? - Nope.
- Yuck.
- Is everybody here? - I think so.
OK, here's our line-up.
Quickly, everyone.
Um, Power Circle.
Well, that's that, then.
Everybody, get ready.
That's it? All right.
Hold on.
- No one's missing.
- So the demon isn't here? It seems not.
Tell the others.
It's curtain.
I must get the show running.
- Right.
- Right.
Sid? Sid? I'm never gonna stop washing my hands.
So the dummy tells us that he's a demon hunter and we're like "Fine, la-la-la-la".
He takes off and now there's a brain.
Does anybody feel they've been Keyser Soze'd? Sid's on the level, I'm sure.
But why would the demon reject the brain? I thought Morgan was a smart kid.
He was.
Look at his grades.
All A's.
He was even taking college classes.
- Wait a second.
- What? - All these sick days.
- He was out for half the year.
Check the school nurse's file.
Look at this.
"In case of emergency, contact Dr Dale Liggette, California Institute of Neurosurgery, Cancer Ward.
" - Brain cancer? - That's why he had all the headaches.
So whatever's out there still needs an intelligent brain.
So I'm safe.
And it's gonna be looking for the smartest person around.
What? If you calibrated the units of weight, you could calculate the maximum velocity achieved before the point of impact.
Gee, Mr Giles! You're smart.
Could you do me a favour? What could a demon possibly want from me? What's the square root of 841? Oh, yeah.
Don't worry.
As long as you're with us, that demon won't get what he wants.
- Oh, my.
- Pretty cool, huh? - Are you sure no one else can help you out? - My assistant got sick.
You won't have to say anything.
Lie down.
How exactly does it work? A good magician never tells his secrets.
We haven't got much time.
This is ridiculous.
We can't wait for him to come to us.
We have to figure out who we're dealing with.
- I still vote dummy.
- No! OK, so we ruled out all the people in the talent show.
Because they were all there, but that's before we found the brain.
Right.
So it probably is one of them.
Giles doesn't know it.
He's with them all now.
Look, Giles can handle himself.
I mean, he is really smart.
Giles! - Shouldn't it be aimed at my neck? - No.
No, this way your scalp gets sliced off and your brains just come pouring out.
- What exactly is the trick? - Trick? Mark? Mark? - Where are the keys? - Mark's got it.
Willow! Hurry! How do you lock this thing? What's happening? I found you! Let go! I must say, all of you, your timing is impeccable.
And now for the big finish.
What are you doing? It's not enough.
He'll come back.
You have to get the heart, then all of this will be over.
- Let me.
- I got it.
Thanks.
It's over.
I don't get it.
What is it? Avant-garde? O ruler of my country, Oedipus, you see our company around the altar, and l, the priest of Zeus.
Ha-ha.
They prophesied that I should kill my father, but he is dead and hidden in the soil.
But surely I must fear my mother's bed.
Oh, Oedipus, Oedipus, unhappy Oedipus.
That is all I can call you and all that I ever shall call you.
Darkness! And horror of darkness! Unfolding restless visitant sped by an ill wind in haste.
Madness and Madness and stabbing pain and and um, oh Oh Memory of, uh ill deeds I have done.