Dan for Mayor (2010) s01e01 Episode Script
The Blind Spot
And if I am re-elected, for my fifth term I will make sure that the city of Wessex has all the buses it needs.
What do you suppose he makes? The mayor? More than you.
Well, obviously more than me.
How much? Think of how much you make.
Then imagine more.
I could run for mayor.
Just get some lawn signs, print up some pamphlets.
Actually you'd probably want brochures.
Two folds.
One fold is a pamphlet.
Ten years at the Swifty Copy.
I know.
I could do that.
Work at the Swifty Copy? I don't think so.
No.
Be mayor.
Here's what this looks like on the big picture map now.
You've got-- Well, there's your cold front.
What do you suppose that guy makes? Okay.
Cheque, please.
Hey, can you change a keg for me? Oh, sorry.
I've got to get my Ms.
Pac-Man fixed.
Your what? I-- I got a vintage Ms.
Pac-Man stand-up.
You know, it's like Pac-Man.
Is Pac-Man a thing from the '80s? You know, the decade I was born in? Yeah.
It's an arcade game.
Is arcade game a thing from the '80s? Hey, it's Dan the Man.
Hey, Fern, you want to tell Charlie I'm her supervisor and she should check her attitude? You're not her supervisor.
I know, but could you tell her that? What's her problem-o? She's giving me a hard time about fixing my Pac-Man.
The old video game.
Oh, is that the one with the frog in there? No.
Sure.
There was a frog in there.
I think you're thinking Frogger.
Why are we still talking about this? Oh, my mom called and says that we have to invite my cousins.
I've never even met them.
Relax, they're great.
Well, I think they are.
I've never really met them.
This wedding is getting too big.
Where do you want to do the invites? Swifty Copy.
Swifty Copy? Not Swifty Copy.
They have the best price.
And they're swift.
I mean, if they're not swift, they're pretty ballsy with that title.
Jeff works there.
So? Is this about Dan? No.
You still haven't told him? We went out for a long time.
He'll be crushed.
Oh, it's not hard.
You just bring it up in a conversation.
What, like, "Hi, Dan, what's new? I'm getting married.
" No.
You've got to ease yourself into it casually.
Like, "Hi, Dan, how are you? "Oh, by the way, I'm getting married.
" So just throwing in "by the way" is enough? Yeah, and the-- Hey, I'm done my shift, if we could settle up.
Cool.
You guys haven't been around much lately.
Nah, we've been pretty busy with stuff.
Right, Claire? Yeah.
Busy.
Yeah, I hear you.
It's been crazy around here.
I mean, Jeff was by before, and now you two.
Well, I'm All right, you win.
We'll do the invites at Swifty Copy.
Don't change the subject.
What if I say, "By the way, we'll do the invites at Swifty Copy"? Does that ease you into it? Leave the "by the way" out of it.
Hey, do you fix arcade games? We fix anything.
Yeah, I saw your sign but thought-- We fix anything.
Oh.
Even Pac-Man? Well, Ms.
Pac-Man.
It's like Pac-Man, only she's a girl.
She's got a bow on her head.
Well, it's not really her head.
She's a circle.
I know what Pac-Man is.
And she's not a circle.
She's a pie.
Yeah, well, can you fix it? We fix anything.
Even video games for grown men.
Oh.
How much? Fifty dollars for the call and then $60 an hour for the technician.
Well, that's expensive.
Well, it's the same price even for grown-up men who don't play video games.
It's a very challenging game.
Your parents must be very proud.
You and Mike are getting married? That's great! Congratulations.
Thanks.
Dan never told me.
Oh, probably distracted or because I didn't tell him.
You didn't tell him? I meant to.
I'm going to.
Please don't tell him.
I will.
I don't know.
It's kind of hard to keep something like that from a guy.
Actually, no.
I've been doing it for a while.
It's surprisingly easy.
I mean, it's not like I see him all the time.
He's not part of my life.
You're always at Fern's.
You see him a lot.
As a waiter.
Not as a person.
You're seeing me as a print shop guy and you're telling me.
But this is a more intimate professional relationship.
Yeah.
Yeah, I hear you on that.
Sometimes it gets a little too intense.
Glitter? Sure.
Yeah.
It's going to look good.
Hang on.
Okay, it's right over here.
Pardon? Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you were here to fix the video game.
Do you fix video games? I'm Bud Calgrove.
I'm running for re-election as mayor.
Oh, hey, how much do you make? How much do I? Have a pamphlet.
Oh.
Actually, this is a brochure.
Two folds.
You told me these were pamphlets.
Well, it doesn't matter, a leaflet or pamphlet.
Brochure.
The mayor's first priority is more buses.
Yes.
Oh, hey, you going to get those ones with the bendy thing in the middle? Because they're cool.
You know, kind of like a big Slinky.
Yes.
Like a Slinky.
I do hope I can count on your support.
I didn't think anybody was running against you.
Well, they aren't.
So I don't have a choice.
Nope.
So you're just walking around knocking on people's doors for no reason? Well, I admit it's not as productive as sitting around drinking beer and playing video games.
Well, for your information, I'm out of beers and this video game's broken.
Touché.
Maybe I'll keep this.
Vote Bud.
Did you tell him? I've done one better.
I've decided I'm going to tell him.
I've got a plan.
But you didn't tell him.
No, I told Jeff.
And he's going to tell him.
No, I told him not to.
How is this a plan again? You know, I'm starting to feel a little threatened here.
Oh, come on.
Dan's history.
I don't care about Dan.
I could see Dan every day.
We could have our stag and doe at his bar.
That's a good idea.
We should have it at Fern's.
No.
We can't.
Dan works there.
Hey.
Hey.
You were right about that pamphlets-versus-brochure thing.
I am not manager by accident.
Hey, have you--? You talked to Claire at all? Yeah, she was by today.
Like, recently? Yeah.
Why? You don't seem crushed.
Why would I be crushed? I mean, the mayor came by my house and made fun of me.
I was a little upset, but I'll bounce back.
Hi, Jeff.
Hi, Dan.
By the way, I'm getting married to Mike.
Wow.
I said "by the way.
" I was going to tell you.
I wish I'd thought of "by the way.
" Yeah, well, hey-- Hey, that's great for you, Claire.
Yeah, I've got news too.
I'm running for mayor.
Okay.
Well, see you later.
See you.
Did you just say you were running for mayor? Yeah.
Somehow I thought it'd be more dramatic.
But it just seemed-- Stupid? I mean, by the way, it seemed stupid? Here.
What's this? Nomination papers.
For what? For mayor.
I'm running for mayor.
You're going through with that? I thought you just blurted it out.
I did.
But, you know, there comes a point in everyone's life where they blurt out that they're running for mayor and then you got to decide are you going to do it? Why didn't you blurt out you were becoming a weatherman? Because it doesn't sound as impressive.
Meteorologist, then.
Would you just look at the forms? Wow, they really make you jump through hoops.
Yeah, well, that's probably to weed out joke candidates.
But you are a joke candidate.
No, I'm not.
Look, I need your help.
Oh.
Oh, I don't know.
I don't know.
Come on.
You can be my campaign manager.
Can I be your joke campaign manager? I need you to do this.
All right, all right.
And I need you to take it seriously.
Okay.
Thanks.
How's your juggling? You're running for mayor? That's hysterical.
Thank you.
Yes, it is.
Don't listen to him.
He's just my campaign manager.
You know, this could be really good promo for the bar.
You go around making crazy promises.
Boom-chacka.
Kids love that kind of stuff.
Oh, yeah.
Teens are crazy for municipal politics.
You know, it's not a joke.
I'm really running for mayor.
The more you keep saying it, the funnier it is.
Look, we need to get some press, you know? Maybe you should call the paper and give them the scoop.
The scoop, huh? Well, maybe we canetet the telegraph operator to wire a dispatch to Newsy the paperboy.
I thought they called it a "scoop.
" Many things have changed since you arrived here in your time machine.
Yeah, I get it, you're younger than us.
I don't trust anybody born after Jedi.
I'm glad you told Dan.
I'm impressed.
You know, I'm relieved.
Oh, that was hanging over my head.
How'd he take it? Good.
Good.
He did sort of suddenly say he was running for mayor.
Oh, jeez.
You shouldn't have told him.
We could just live our married life in secret? Wasn't that your plan up until this morning? You told me to tell him.
Well, maybe you should have waited until after the election.
I'm supposed to predict that his reaction would be that he'd say he was running for mayor? You went out with him.
Point taken.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my engagement sooner.
Oh, no, it's nothing, you know.
Don't even worry about it.
Great.
Yeah.
Now that we're sort of over that hump, we were thinking Fern's would be a good place to hold our engagement party.
But we didn't know if you'd feel weird about it.
Oh, no, no, it doesn't matter to me.
I mean, I'll be pretty busy running for mayor.
Great.
So I'll talk to Fern, then.
You know, that's the second time I've told you I'm running for mayor and you haven't even reacted.
Great.
So I'll talk to Fern, then.
Claire? Oh, well, what do you want me to say? I tell you I'm getting married and you start talking crazy.
You know, this has nothing to do with you.
I mean, it's a serious decision.
I saw the mayor on TV and I thought I should be mayor.
So if you saw a fire truck on TV you'd want to be a fire truck? No, I wouldn't.
No.
I saw a weatherman on TV, and I didn't tell you I wanted to be a weatherman.
I mean, go ahead, ask Jeff.
He was there when I saw the weatherman.
I believe you when you say you saw a weatherman on TV.
But that doesn't disprove my point.
Look, Claire, this is about me, you know, realizing my goals and, you know, actualizing and achievement.
Fine.
So should I book the room now or wait until you've finished falling apart? Now's fine.
I mean, whatever.
Hey, Dan, I called the paper.
The who? About what? The scoop.
I think I got you a photo op.
Oh, great.
Now, are you sure you want to do this? Because once you're in the paper, this is out there.
You can't go back.
Yes.
For the last time, I'm committed.
You know, I've finally come to a place in my life where-- I got to go, Pac-Man guy's here.
Hey.
Vargas Appliance.
You were supposed to be here two days ago.
It's over here.
They told me it was an oven.
No, it's a Ms.
Pac-Man.
What's that, something from the '80s? With more buses, Wessex will have the transit system it needs to keep moving.
This is no good.
This is his press conference.
The reporters are already here, and they said if you showed up maybe they'd take your picture.
They said "maybe"? I know! Not too shabby, huh? And this is the first time I've done this.
Make sure you're ready.
I want to get an action shot.
You know you're just handing her a piece of paper, right? Actually, normally you just drop it into the tray.
Oh.
Well, can I just hand it to you? Sure, if you want to go Hollywood.
Well, I understand we have some competition.
Yup, that's right.
I'm throwing my hat into the ring.
Oh, I should have brought a hat.
That would have been a shot.
You're the arcade game and beer guy, aren't you? Oh, I look forward to a very spirited debate.
I just need the registration fee.
What? I didn't know there was a fee.
A thousand dollars, cash or credit.
I don't have a thousand bucks.
This must be very embarrassing for you.
I said action shot.
And this caption makes us look bad.
I hate it when they do accurate captions.
Well, I suppose all ink is good ink.
What about that stuff octopuses spray on your face? On land, all ink is good ink.
Okay, we need to turn this around.
Spin this for the next news cycle.
Well, coming up with a thousand dollars seems like a good starting point.
All right, that's one idea.
Keep brainstorming.
Why are you doing this, Dan? You keep asking me that.
Someone's got to run for mayor.
I mean, people run for mayor every day.
But normally they, you know, prepare.
Look, I know I keep pushing the joke candidate thing.
But if you were a joke candidate, this would actually be good.
I'm not a joke candidate.
No, no, because to be a joke candidate, you need a thousand dollars.
I read the paper.
This just keeps getting better and better.
You guys are still the same.
Still playing the same arcade game.
Whoa, whoa, I wasn't playing.
Surrounded by empties.
It's his place.
I'm married.
When are you two going to grow up? I got a kid.
I got digital cable.
Okay, that's a bit of a drop-off between the first and second thing.
Can't you get games that simulate the old games on a TV for, like, $15? Have you ever tried it? Maybe when Iasas 8.
Well, if you haven't tried it then you shouldn't knock it.
What do you want, Claire? About this whole running-for-mayor thing.
It's obvious you're only doing it because of me.
No, I'm not.
Okay.
Pretend, for the sake of the argument that you're doing it because of me.
Nah, I don't want to pretend that.
Fine.
Let me pretend it.
And let me pretend that you're doing it because-- Stop, okay? No pretending.
You don't pretend.
I don't pretend.
Zero pretending.
Look, let me lend you the money.
Okay.
Absolutely not.
You made a fool of yourself.
It's the least I can do.
No, I'm not taki a any money from you.
And I'm not taking any money from him.
I wasn't offering.
Look, this was my idea and I'm going to get it done on my own terms.
Now, I think you should leave.
Pretend leave or leave leave? Okay.
That was well-said.
Can I borrow a thousand bucks? No.
Do we have to hang this? Oh, come on, Danno.
People love this kind of memorabilia stuff.
Okay, fine.
Look, I want to ask you something.
I knew this was going to come up.
You don't want Claire to have her stag and doe here, no problem-o.
Oh, no, that's not what I was going to ask.
Good, because what I was building up to was we're having it here no matter what.
Money's tight.
What were you going to ask? Well, I was going to ask for money, but you kind of stole my thunder.
Is this about that registration fee? If you want to do it, you'll find a way.
You know what I always say at times like this.
Boom-chacka? Get it done no matter what the sacrifice.
You don't want to live with regret.
Who's going to drop a grand on a Ms.
Pac-Man? I don't know.
There's some sucker out there.
You want to buy it? You need to work on your pitch.
You know, honey, we got to get one of those lawn mowers with the 12" wheels.
The turn radius on these 9" wheels is killing me.
Yeah, great.
Look, I've sort of been avoiding talking about this, but I think Dan must still like me.
What makes you so sure? Look, don't get mad, but I offered to pay his stupid fee for the nomination.
What? Oh, you're mad.
No.
It's just that, you know, if we're going to share a life together, we should probably consult about money.
We can afford it.
Oh, I know.
It's just that in matters of common concern, like spending a thousand dollars, we should probably talk about it first.
You're right.
Anyway, he turned me down.
Said he would come up with the money somehow.
I guess he did.
You bought Ms.
Pac-Man? It only cost me a thousand dollars.
It's worth five times that.
Isn't it awesome? You sure you want to do this? You know what? I picked a goal, I made the sacrifice.
Now nothing's going to stop me.
There's no GST, is there? Then nothing's going to stop me.
It was funnier the first time.
Here's to our next mayor.
To Bud.
I think he meant Dan.
Oh, we're humouring him.
I get you.
To our next mayor.
To Bud.
Oh, sorry, it's hard to shake.
Bud is unbeatable.
To Dan.
Mayoral candidate in the upcoming election, which, mathematically, he has a chance of winning.
He has zero chance.
Zero is a mathematical number.
Too true.
Here's to a good race.
And remember, the election doesn't always go to the most qualified.
That's what we're counting on.
Too true.
Ah, yeah.
I can't believe they spelled "nuptials" wrong.
That is the last time that we go to Swifty Copy for wedding invitations.
Hopefully.
What are you doing? I thought if you can't beat them, join them.
It's actually kind of fun.
This is a vintage machine.
We probably shouldn't play it.
It does effect the resale value.
I can buy a $15 game, plug it into the TV.
It's exactly the same.
Okay.
Really? They spelled "nuptials" wrong? Yes.
Look at that, it's right there in black and glitter.
Oh, Maggie called and that joke candidate guy, he got his entry fee in.
Should be good for a laugh.
Might make it more interesting.
We can actually spend the campaign budget now.
Good.
We can get some more pamphlets done.
Oh, and make sure that they're really pamphlets this time.
Oh, yeah, I know.
That was my-- Yeah, no, I'm totally on that.
Don't worry.
Good night, Mr.
Mayor.
Good night, Alan.
Oh-- Bud? Bud? Oh, my God.
I really am going to be mayor.
Oh, my God.
You really are going to be mayor.
I liked it better the way I said it.
What do you suppose he makes? The mayor? More than you.
Well, obviously more than me.
How much? Think of how much you make.
Then imagine more.
I could run for mayor.
Just get some lawn signs, print up some pamphlets.
Actually you'd probably want brochures.
Two folds.
One fold is a pamphlet.
Ten years at the Swifty Copy.
I know.
I could do that.
Work at the Swifty Copy? I don't think so.
No.
Be mayor.
Here's what this looks like on the big picture map now.
You've got-- Well, there's your cold front.
What do you suppose that guy makes? Okay.
Cheque, please.
Hey, can you change a keg for me? Oh, sorry.
I've got to get my Ms.
Pac-Man fixed.
Your what? I-- I got a vintage Ms.
Pac-Man stand-up.
You know, it's like Pac-Man.
Is Pac-Man a thing from the '80s? You know, the decade I was born in? Yeah.
It's an arcade game.
Is arcade game a thing from the '80s? Hey, it's Dan the Man.
Hey, Fern, you want to tell Charlie I'm her supervisor and she should check her attitude? You're not her supervisor.
I know, but could you tell her that? What's her problem-o? She's giving me a hard time about fixing my Pac-Man.
The old video game.
Oh, is that the one with the frog in there? No.
Sure.
There was a frog in there.
I think you're thinking Frogger.
Why are we still talking about this? Oh, my mom called and says that we have to invite my cousins.
I've never even met them.
Relax, they're great.
Well, I think they are.
I've never really met them.
This wedding is getting too big.
Where do you want to do the invites? Swifty Copy.
Swifty Copy? Not Swifty Copy.
They have the best price.
And they're swift.
I mean, if they're not swift, they're pretty ballsy with that title.
Jeff works there.
So? Is this about Dan? No.
You still haven't told him? We went out for a long time.
He'll be crushed.
Oh, it's not hard.
You just bring it up in a conversation.
What, like, "Hi, Dan, what's new? I'm getting married.
" No.
You've got to ease yourself into it casually.
Like, "Hi, Dan, how are you? "Oh, by the way, I'm getting married.
" So just throwing in "by the way" is enough? Yeah, and the-- Hey, I'm done my shift, if we could settle up.
Cool.
You guys haven't been around much lately.
Nah, we've been pretty busy with stuff.
Right, Claire? Yeah.
Busy.
Yeah, I hear you.
It's been crazy around here.
I mean, Jeff was by before, and now you two.
Well, I'm All right, you win.
We'll do the invites at Swifty Copy.
Don't change the subject.
What if I say, "By the way, we'll do the invites at Swifty Copy"? Does that ease you into it? Leave the "by the way" out of it.
Hey, do you fix arcade games? We fix anything.
Yeah, I saw your sign but thought-- We fix anything.
Oh.
Even Pac-Man? Well, Ms.
Pac-Man.
It's like Pac-Man, only she's a girl.
She's got a bow on her head.
Well, it's not really her head.
She's a circle.
I know what Pac-Man is.
And she's not a circle.
She's a pie.
Yeah, well, can you fix it? We fix anything.
Even video games for grown men.
Oh.
How much? Fifty dollars for the call and then $60 an hour for the technician.
Well, that's expensive.
Well, it's the same price even for grown-up men who don't play video games.
It's a very challenging game.
Your parents must be very proud.
You and Mike are getting married? That's great! Congratulations.
Thanks.
Dan never told me.
Oh, probably distracted or because I didn't tell him.
You didn't tell him? I meant to.
I'm going to.
Please don't tell him.
I will.
I don't know.
It's kind of hard to keep something like that from a guy.
Actually, no.
I've been doing it for a while.
It's surprisingly easy.
I mean, it's not like I see him all the time.
He's not part of my life.
You're always at Fern's.
You see him a lot.
As a waiter.
Not as a person.
You're seeing me as a print shop guy and you're telling me.
But this is a more intimate professional relationship.
Yeah.
Yeah, I hear you on that.
Sometimes it gets a little too intense.
Glitter? Sure.
Yeah.
It's going to look good.
Hang on.
Okay, it's right over here.
Pardon? Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you were here to fix the video game.
Do you fix video games? I'm Bud Calgrove.
I'm running for re-election as mayor.
Oh, hey, how much do you make? How much do I? Have a pamphlet.
Oh.
Actually, this is a brochure.
Two folds.
You told me these were pamphlets.
Well, it doesn't matter, a leaflet or pamphlet.
Brochure.
The mayor's first priority is more buses.
Yes.
Oh, hey, you going to get those ones with the bendy thing in the middle? Because they're cool.
You know, kind of like a big Slinky.
Yes.
Like a Slinky.
I do hope I can count on your support.
I didn't think anybody was running against you.
Well, they aren't.
So I don't have a choice.
Nope.
So you're just walking around knocking on people's doors for no reason? Well, I admit it's not as productive as sitting around drinking beer and playing video games.
Well, for your information, I'm out of beers and this video game's broken.
Touché.
Maybe I'll keep this.
Vote Bud.
Did you tell him? I've done one better.
I've decided I'm going to tell him.
I've got a plan.
But you didn't tell him.
No, I told Jeff.
And he's going to tell him.
No, I told him not to.
How is this a plan again? You know, I'm starting to feel a little threatened here.
Oh, come on.
Dan's history.
I don't care about Dan.
I could see Dan every day.
We could have our stag and doe at his bar.
That's a good idea.
We should have it at Fern's.
No.
We can't.
Dan works there.
Hey.
Hey.
You were right about that pamphlets-versus-brochure thing.
I am not manager by accident.
Hey, have you--? You talked to Claire at all? Yeah, she was by today.
Like, recently? Yeah.
Why? You don't seem crushed.
Why would I be crushed? I mean, the mayor came by my house and made fun of me.
I was a little upset, but I'll bounce back.
Hi, Jeff.
Hi, Dan.
By the way, I'm getting married to Mike.
Wow.
I said "by the way.
" I was going to tell you.
I wish I'd thought of "by the way.
" Yeah, well, hey-- Hey, that's great for you, Claire.
Yeah, I've got news too.
I'm running for mayor.
Okay.
Well, see you later.
See you.
Did you just say you were running for mayor? Yeah.
Somehow I thought it'd be more dramatic.
But it just seemed-- Stupid? I mean, by the way, it seemed stupid? Here.
What's this? Nomination papers.
For what? For mayor.
I'm running for mayor.
You're going through with that? I thought you just blurted it out.
I did.
But, you know, there comes a point in everyone's life where they blurt out that they're running for mayor and then you got to decide are you going to do it? Why didn't you blurt out you were becoming a weatherman? Because it doesn't sound as impressive.
Meteorologist, then.
Would you just look at the forms? Wow, they really make you jump through hoops.
Yeah, well, that's probably to weed out joke candidates.
But you are a joke candidate.
No, I'm not.
Look, I need your help.
Oh.
Oh, I don't know.
I don't know.
Come on.
You can be my campaign manager.
Can I be your joke campaign manager? I need you to do this.
All right, all right.
And I need you to take it seriously.
Okay.
Thanks.
How's your juggling? You're running for mayor? That's hysterical.
Thank you.
Yes, it is.
Don't listen to him.
He's just my campaign manager.
You know, this could be really good promo for the bar.
You go around making crazy promises.
Boom-chacka.
Kids love that kind of stuff.
Oh, yeah.
Teens are crazy for municipal politics.
You know, it's not a joke.
I'm really running for mayor.
The more you keep saying it, the funnier it is.
Look, we need to get some press, you know? Maybe you should call the paper and give them the scoop.
The scoop, huh? Well, maybe we canetet the telegraph operator to wire a dispatch to Newsy the paperboy.
I thought they called it a "scoop.
" Many things have changed since you arrived here in your time machine.
Yeah, I get it, you're younger than us.
I don't trust anybody born after Jedi.
I'm glad you told Dan.
I'm impressed.
You know, I'm relieved.
Oh, that was hanging over my head.
How'd he take it? Good.
Good.
He did sort of suddenly say he was running for mayor.
Oh, jeez.
You shouldn't have told him.
We could just live our married life in secret? Wasn't that your plan up until this morning? You told me to tell him.
Well, maybe you should have waited until after the election.
I'm supposed to predict that his reaction would be that he'd say he was running for mayor? You went out with him.
Point taken.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my engagement sooner.
Oh, no, it's nothing, you know.
Don't even worry about it.
Great.
Yeah.
Now that we're sort of over that hump, we were thinking Fern's would be a good place to hold our engagement party.
But we didn't know if you'd feel weird about it.
Oh, no, no, it doesn't matter to me.
I mean, I'll be pretty busy running for mayor.
Great.
So I'll talk to Fern, then.
You know, that's the second time I've told you I'm running for mayor and you haven't even reacted.
Great.
So I'll talk to Fern, then.
Claire? Oh, well, what do you want me to say? I tell you I'm getting married and you start talking crazy.
You know, this has nothing to do with you.
I mean, it's a serious decision.
I saw the mayor on TV and I thought I should be mayor.
So if you saw a fire truck on TV you'd want to be a fire truck? No, I wouldn't.
No.
I saw a weatherman on TV, and I didn't tell you I wanted to be a weatherman.
I mean, go ahead, ask Jeff.
He was there when I saw the weatherman.
I believe you when you say you saw a weatherman on TV.
But that doesn't disprove my point.
Look, Claire, this is about me, you know, realizing my goals and, you know, actualizing and achievement.
Fine.
So should I book the room now or wait until you've finished falling apart? Now's fine.
I mean, whatever.
Hey, Dan, I called the paper.
The who? About what? The scoop.
I think I got you a photo op.
Oh, great.
Now, are you sure you want to do this? Because once you're in the paper, this is out there.
You can't go back.
Yes.
For the last time, I'm committed.
You know, I've finally come to a place in my life where-- I got to go, Pac-Man guy's here.
Hey.
Vargas Appliance.
You were supposed to be here two days ago.
It's over here.
They told me it was an oven.
No, it's a Ms.
Pac-Man.
What's that, something from the '80s? With more buses, Wessex will have the transit system it needs to keep moving.
This is no good.
This is his press conference.
The reporters are already here, and they said if you showed up maybe they'd take your picture.
They said "maybe"? I know! Not too shabby, huh? And this is the first time I've done this.
Make sure you're ready.
I want to get an action shot.
You know you're just handing her a piece of paper, right? Actually, normally you just drop it into the tray.
Oh.
Well, can I just hand it to you? Sure, if you want to go Hollywood.
Well, I understand we have some competition.
Yup, that's right.
I'm throwing my hat into the ring.
Oh, I should have brought a hat.
That would have been a shot.
You're the arcade game and beer guy, aren't you? Oh, I look forward to a very spirited debate.
I just need the registration fee.
What? I didn't know there was a fee.
A thousand dollars, cash or credit.
I don't have a thousand bucks.
This must be very embarrassing for you.
I said action shot.
And this caption makes us look bad.
I hate it when they do accurate captions.
Well, I suppose all ink is good ink.
What about that stuff octopuses spray on your face? On land, all ink is good ink.
Okay, we need to turn this around.
Spin this for the next news cycle.
Well, coming up with a thousand dollars seems like a good starting point.
All right, that's one idea.
Keep brainstorming.
Why are you doing this, Dan? You keep asking me that.
Someone's got to run for mayor.
I mean, people run for mayor every day.
But normally they, you know, prepare.
Look, I know I keep pushing the joke candidate thing.
But if you were a joke candidate, this would actually be good.
I'm not a joke candidate.
No, no, because to be a joke candidate, you need a thousand dollars.
I read the paper.
This just keeps getting better and better.
You guys are still the same.
Still playing the same arcade game.
Whoa, whoa, I wasn't playing.
Surrounded by empties.
It's his place.
I'm married.
When are you two going to grow up? I got a kid.
I got digital cable.
Okay, that's a bit of a drop-off between the first and second thing.
Can't you get games that simulate the old games on a TV for, like, $15? Have you ever tried it? Maybe when Iasas 8.
Well, if you haven't tried it then you shouldn't knock it.
What do you want, Claire? About this whole running-for-mayor thing.
It's obvious you're only doing it because of me.
No, I'm not.
Okay.
Pretend, for the sake of the argument that you're doing it because of me.
Nah, I don't want to pretend that.
Fine.
Let me pretend it.
And let me pretend that you're doing it because-- Stop, okay? No pretending.
You don't pretend.
I don't pretend.
Zero pretending.
Look, let me lend you the money.
Okay.
Absolutely not.
You made a fool of yourself.
It's the least I can do.
No, I'm not taki a any money from you.
And I'm not taking any money from him.
I wasn't offering.
Look, this was my idea and I'm going to get it done on my own terms.
Now, I think you should leave.
Pretend leave or leave leave? Okay.
That was well-said.
Can I borrow a thousand bucks? No.
Do we have to hang this? Oh, come on, Danno.
People love this kind of memorabilia stuff.
Okay, fine.
Look, I want to ask you something.
I knew this was going to come up.
You don't want Claire to have her stag and doe here, no problem-o.
Oh, no, that's not what I was going to ask.
Good, because what I was building up to was we're having it here no matter what.
Money's tight.
What were you going to ask? Well, I was going to ask for money, but you kind of stole my thunder.
Is this about that registration fee? If you want to do it, you'll find a way.
You know what I always say at times like this.
Boom-chacka? Get it done no matter what the sacrifice.
You don't want to live with regret.
Who's going to drop a grand on a Ms.
Pac-Man? I don't know.
There's some sucker out there.
You want to buy it? You need to work on your pitch.
You know, honey, we got to get one of those lawn mowers with the 12" wheels.
The turn radius on these 9" wheels is killing me.
Yeah, great.
Look, I've sort of been avoiding talking about this, but I think Dan must still like me.
What makes you so sure? Look, don't get mad, but I offered to pay his stupid fee for the nomination.
What? Oh, you're mad.
No.
It's just that, you know, if we're going to share a life together, we should probably consult about money.
We can afford it.
Oh, I know.
It's just that in matters of common concern, like spending a thousand dollars, we should probably talk about it first.
You're right.
Anyway, he turned me down.
Said he would come up with the money somehow.
I guess he did.
You bought Ms.
Pac-Man? It only cost me a thousand dollars.
It's worth five times that.
Isn't it awesome? You sure you want to do this? You know what? I picked a goal, I made the sacrifice.
Now nothing's going to stop me.
There's no GST, is there? Then nothing's going to stop me.
It was funnier the first time.
Here's to our next mayor.
To Bud.
I think he meant Dan.
Oh, we're humouring him.
I get you.
To our next mayor.
To Bud.
Oh, sorry, it's hard to shake.
Bud is unbeatable.
To Dan.
Mayoral candidate in the upcoming election, which, mathematically, he has a chance of winning.
He has zero chance.
Zero is a mathematical number.
Too true.
Here's to a good race.
And remember, the election doesn't always go to the most qualified.
That's what we're counting on.
Too true.
Ah, yeah.
I can't believe they spelled "nuptials" wrong.
That is the last time that we go to Swifty Copy for wedding invitations.
Hopefully.
What are you doing? I thought if you can't beat them, join them.
It's actually kind of fun.
This is a vintage machine.
We probably shouldn't play it.
It does effect the resale value.
I can buy a $15 game, plug it into the TV.
It's exactly the same.
Okay.
Really? They spelled "nuptials" wrong? Yes.
Look at that, it's right there in black and glitter.
Oh, Maggie called and that joke candidate guy, he got his entry fee in.
Should be good for a laugh.
Might make it more interesting.
We can actually spend the campaign budget now.
Good.
We can get some more pamphlets done.
Oh, and make sure that they're really pamphlets this time.
Oh, yeah, I know.
That was my-- Yeah, no, I'm totally on that.
Don't worry.
Good night, Mr.
Mayor.
Good night, Alan.
Oh-- Bud? Bud? Oh, my God.
I really am going to be mayor.
Oh, my God.
You really are going to be mayor.
I liked it better the way I said it.