Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (2016) s01e06 Episode Script
Fix Everything
1 Last time on Dirk Gentlys Holistic Detective Agency.
Todd and I, dug out a mysterous machine quite possibly Edgard Spring unlimited energy device.
But met stifles opposition from the men of the machine.
Get out he's got the shark! Wich led us to discover the kitten have a shark in it.
Barge and Ken arrived I'm gonna kill that guy.
And Amanda finally got some answers about the rowdy 3 You, like, ate my emotions It's sucked the energy out of my nerves.
But then, thing got complicated And Farrah's tracking of Estevez and Zimmerfield ended in a bloddy shoot out A tragic death.
and a shocking discovery I didn't have pararibulitis.
Every thing is connected.
[ .]
[ .]
[door creaks open.]
[budgie squawks.]
[snaps into place.]
[energy ramping up.]
[crackling and surging.]
[electricity surging.]
[meowing.]
[electricity surging.]
[meows.]
[meowing, crackling.]
[planting kisses.]
[electricity surging.]
[crackling and surging.]
[ .]
I don't understand.
We have to wait.
[sniffs, distressed.]
No, we go back in now.
We, uh, we get a SWAT team, and we get a tank, and we go back in there You broke into a facility We didn't break in You broke into a facility without a warrant.
I can't in good conscience Zimmerfield is dead.
I know, and I'm sorry.
- No, we're going back now - No, we're not - Yes, we are - No, we're not - Yes, we are! - No, we're not! All we have at this point is a dead cop as a result of an unlawful B&E.
He was shot with a harpoon.
We can't just start a gunfight in the middle of the Seattle Zoo.
You're in on this.
What? No follow-up on Patrick Spring, now you've got a dead cop, and you're saying we gotta do this by the book? Yeah, you're in on this.
Say it.
Say it to my face.
[sniffs.]
Say, "I'm in on this.
" Estevez, you are saying things you're going to regret Say it! Say "I'm one of them.
" "Them?" Yes, them.
The Patrick Spring "them.
" Those bald freaks, "them.
" The Coroner, the-the Gordon Rimmer, and whatever the hell else is locked up in that damn Animal Transfer Unit, "them"! Them! You're suspended.
- Say it.
- You're fired.
Say it.
Bradshaw, come and escort Detective Estevez No, no, no.
Say it.
I'm right here, just you and me.
I'm right here - [door opens.]
- Just say it.
Say it! A cop is dead.
Zimmerfield is dead, and he's firing me.
It's not over.
Not by a long shot.
Make sure he leaves.
Rimmer, we have a problem.
[honking.]
Okay, I'll get Farah.
No.
I'll go with Farah, you stay and talk to Amanda.
Now? Everything is connected, Todd.
Telling Amanda the truth is your next step.
Is this, you know, a universe thing? Like, if I don't do this now, the universe goes all weird? The universe is already weird, Todd.
If you don't tell her now, and we get killed later I'll go with Farah and take the machine back to the Spring Mansion, and figure out what the hell it does.
Oh! And you should bring Amanda.
She isn't safe here.
Okay.
You're back, thank God Farah! Hey, listen, we got the machine I killed someone It's okay, we killed some people, too Wait, what? It-it you what? Is Amanda okay? - Yes, she's - Are you okay? Have you ever done anything like that before? No.
A lot of training, but- Wait.
What machine? We found Edgar Spring's unlimited energy device.
We think.
Who did you kill? It's more of those bald freaks.
I found their hideout, they attacked the police, they killed that detective! Estevez or Zimmerfield? Zimmerfield.
Jesus, this is out of control.
Wait, wait, who did you kill? Same guys, same team, they must've tracked us out to the reservation, but we got them with the kitten.
- The what? - The kitten.
- It had a shark in it.
- Okay And just putting this out there, this is just a theory at this point, but we think the dog has Lydia Spring in it.
What? We think Rimmer swapped the soul of the dog and Lydia to use as insurance in case Patrick Spring tried to screw him in the hostage exchange for the machine.
So Lydia's in the dog? Yes.
But we can put her back in her body, right? Dirk can do a thing? Well, if we get the dog, and Lydia, and whatever they used to swap the soul, then yes, we're we're optimistic about that.
Okay.
Hmm.
Amanda said she was approached by men who seemed military.
- Shit, that's "Black Wing.
" - What?! "Black Wing," it's a defunct CIA program that's after Dirk.
Listen, there's a tremendous amount of moving pieces here.
We can't pin them all down now.
Okay.
Sure.
You need to get Dirk to the Spring Mansion, yeah? I'll get Amanda and meet you there, but I have something I have to do here first.
Dirk's outside.
Can you drive him? He's not good at cars.
Yes.
Take my SUV.
Farah, thank you.
[sighs.]
I just want Lydia safe.
That's all that matters now.
Well, we're gonna make that happen.
Or something like that, definitely.
Thanks, Todd.
Are-are you armed, and whatever? Always.
Are you? What? No.
Wait, what are you Don't let anyone see you have this until you punch them in the face with it.
Right, okay.
I'd give you my gun, but then I wouldn't have one.
That can never happen.
Right.
Amanda? Are you here? Dude shit has been going down.
Where were you? What did you find out there, with the-the map? Hey.
We, um Farah is super weird.
You were right, I think you have way more of a shot with her - than I thought - We have to I spent all night with her, and she is, like, this mega whackado basket case Amanda, we have to Not that she's not great, but, oh, I don't even know where to start I never had pararibulitus.
the last 24 hours is just like What? Th-this isn't how I wanted to tell you.
I just I cou1dn't keep it a secret anymore.
What did you say? I never had pararibulitus.
Yes, you did.
What are you What are talking about? Yes, you did.
That's, like, why you dropped out of college No, I-I dropped out because I was failing, because I never went to classes, because I was trying to dedicate my time to The Mexican Funeral.
Look, th-this isn't how I meant for this to happen, okay? I've wanted to tell you for years, but That doesn't make sense.
The Mexican Funeral broke up because of your pararibulitus.
The Mexican Funeral broke up because I sold our equipment, and told the guys that it was stolen.
Okay.
But, okay, but there was that time with mom and dad when you were, like Well, I wanted my own apartment, and I needed first and last months' rent, and the money mom and dad were sending for what they thought was my treatments wasn't enough, so I thought, the band wasn't going anywhere, so, screw them, and then I told mom and dad that they were all just trying to screw me over You told me that.
Yes, I told you that, and I-I told them that my parents hated them.
When you're lying, you lie to both sides, so that the others don't talk to each other, and I-I ended up trapped under so many, 'cause it-it snowballed It "snowballed"? I was being stupid.
You're not like that.
You wouldn't do that - No - And you are not like that No, I'm not.
I-I changed.
I changed the second you got sick.
It made me realize that I-I I-it doesn't matter now, okay? Because because look Seriously? It's $10,000.
You're trying to bribe me? No, I Look, we can talk about this later.
[whispering.]
This isn't happening [whispering.]
Oh, this was stupid.
- This was so stupid of me - Yes.
Uh-huh.
Okay, we have to leave now Is that a joke? - No, we have to go - No, what are you! What are you saying to me? - What are you even saying? - Amanda This isn't happening.
I'm sorry, Todd, but this is not happening.
- Wait - Not happening.
No Amanda [roar and blare of traffic jam.]
What are you doing? Spot checks.
Whoever was following you could be watching us now.
"Spot checks.
" Fantastic.
I think of you and me as Module "B" of the detective agency.
Todd and I being Module "A," the investigative arm, but you and I, we're the strike team, for when things get physical.
You can't be in both Module "A" and Module "B.
" Sure I can, I jump across.
Your organizational structure is confusing.
What you'd want to do is use the MECE methodology to divide the teams.
The meece what? Mutually Exclusive, Cumulatively Exhaustive sub-units, And then establish configurations wherein every possible dynamic is addressed to the skill set of the people therein.
That would be more efficient.
I'm not part of your detective agency Aren't you, though, a little bit? I mean, what else have you got? I mainly attract people in positions of absolute hopelessness, so I think you fit into that quite nicely.
No offense.
Just be quiet.
But it's kind of incredible, isn't it? I mean, how close we are now? It really feels like we're onto something.
We'll see.
Did I make some mistakes? Yes.
Did I only make mistakes? Yes.
But did it all work out? Kind of! I had a plan, and I put it into action, and it went off flawlessly.
Almost.
Mostly.
Maybe it went off flawful-ish.
But not a total disaster.
In fact, an unmitigated not-total-disaster of the sort I'm thrilled to be involved in.
[gasps.]
That's what we'll put on the sign for the detective agency, Farah.
"Cases Solved With Arguable Efficiency.
" Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency! Dirk Gently, here to help.
You hear that, everyone! Dirk Gently! Me! Dirk Gently! - That's what the sign will say! - Shh! Shh I am Dirk Gently! - I am Dirk Gently! - Dirk, get down - Dirk! Get down! - [gunshot.]
No, don't! [everyone screaming in panic.]
Get out of the way.
Dammit.
Run! Run, run [panting in terror.]
[shots ricochet.]
[yelps.]
[cries out in pain.]
[groaning.]
[glass smashes, Dirk yelps.]
Run! Gun coming! [gunshot, Dirk screams.]
[whimpering in panic.]
[gunshots.]
Stop! [panting.]
[moans in fear.]
[gun cracking.]
[shouts in frustration.]
Drop your weapon! Drop it now! [scoffs.]
[Dirk wailing.]
Oh, why? Stop running! Not much choice! [gun won't fire.]
No, no, stop, please! Please, I don't know why you're doing this! You're supposed to die! I'm supposed to kill you! Everything led me here! To you! To this! - Everything is connected - Everything is connected That's different.
[gasping in wonder.]
[speaking together.]
: You're one of the others You're like me! You're not like me.
You're something different.
You Dirk! [Bart screams.]
[screams.]
[thuds.]
Are you okay? Emotionally? Certainly not.
[distant police sirens.]
[screaming in pain.]
[groaning and sobbing.]
I can't get hurt, it isn't possible You've never been hurt before? [sobbing.]
It isn't possible Cops are coming, and we need to find a way out of here.
[screaming and sobbing.]
All right, all right, if we can just get to the service level, maybe we can get out the back.
I'll never walk again! And of course that's locked for employees only.
And I have no tools.
[screaming.]
Farah, that was unbelievable.
You saved me.
No wonder Spring entrusted his safety to you.
You are an incredible person.
Who'd have thought? All part of the job.
No, it absolutely wasn't.
Unless you're talking about your job at my detective agency.
[gasps in horror.]
The machine! I left it in the car! Stupid Dirk! Always running away from death and forgetting machines! [Bart sobbing.]
[elevator moving.]
I got it! I got it! I got it.
We're moving again.
I messed up.
What? I ruined everything, What are you talking about? I left my path, and this is my punishment.
I'm lost.
The universe is broken.
[both sighing in relief.]
Oh, thank God.
We have to get this to the Spring Mansion.
The FBI guy was right, we can't do this alone.
[sighing.]
I [cell phone rings.]
You were right.
I need your help.
Don't worry.
I'm on my way.
I have a theory.
I have a theory, and I don't like it at all, but it's it's my theory right now, and right now that's all I got.
So, uh I'm gonna explain it to you, and if you understand it, I mean, if you follow it all the way through, you gotta tell me, you gotta help me, and you gotta confirm or deny whether it's accurate, 'cause right now I feel like I'm losing my mind a little.
Like, uh like I might like I might be having some mental problems.
[chuckling deliriously.]
You know? So, I just, uh I need you to confirm or deny one one question.
Are you Lydia Spring? [barks.]
No.
I've been through a lot, right? And-and-and I lost someone who I Who I I lost someone who means a lot to me.
And I'm I am I'm not Bark twice for "yes.
" Are you Lydia Spring? [barks twice.]
[shuddering.]
Mm Mm-mm.
Mm-mm.
If you're Lydia Spring, bark three times and turn in a circle.
[barks three times.]
I'm going to need a minute.
Oh How did this happen? Huh? Did Gordon Rimmer do this? [barks.]
How did you get away? - Did someone take you? - [barks.]
Was it Dirk Gently and Todd Brotzman? [barks.]
Let's go talk to them.
[smashes bottle.]
[grunge rock blasting.]
[ .]
These guys suck.
I said these guys suck! [ .]
- Hey, you grabbed my ass.
- What? - You just grabbed my ass - I'm Rick.
- What the hell? - That's my boyfriend! He just grabbed my ass, you stupid bitch! He can do whatever he wants - You wanna go? - Yeah! Let's take this outside! Hey! Both of you, out of here, now! Holy shit! Are you all right? I'm sorry, I screwed up your night, your one night out.
No, it's okay, that guy was an asshole.
I know you never go out anymore because of the disease, and now I'm [groans.]
I'm covered in beer, and I'm crying like a pussy, and Hey.
See? It's great.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Are you ready to talk? I'm sorry.
Is this very inconvenient for you? I'm processing.
I just [sighs.]
God, I really messed this up.
I should've waited.
You should've waited? Yeah, you're right, six years wasn't quite long enough.
Great prank, Todd, but you screwed up the timing.
That's what you screwed up.
Put your phone under the door.
What? I'm calling mom and dad.
[sighs.]
Okay, okay, but, Amanda, we have to go meet Dirk and Farah.
And we can't stay here anymore.
There are dangerous people Yeah, I know, I met some of them.
Look, you're the most important person in the world to me.
What are you even saying? I don't know you.
I literally don't know who you are.
You are not my brother, you are some other person.
No, I am your brother.
[sighs.]
Give me the goddamn phone, right now.
Oh, shit.
[authoritative knock.]
Oh, my God.
You recognize this dog? Huh? Yes.
This is the dog you stole from Gordon Rimmer, right before you burned down his house.
Right? [Todd.]
: That's what happened, yes.
[water bubbling dreamily.]
I would've thought you would have cleaned this shithole up by now.
You know the CIA the actual goddamn CIA told us not to follow up on those four guys in the van who trashed it? Crazy.
[gasping for air.]
Have you have you been drinking? Have you been drinking? Okay.
That dog is the most important thing here.
Because it's Lydia Spring.
Yes.
How did they turn her into a dog? Oh, they-they didn't, they took the soul out of her body and swapped it with a dog.
Her body? Yeah, she she's still alive.
Oh, so you know where she is? I-I [gasping and choking.]
Your friends killed my partner.
They are not my friends.
Oh, so you know about that, too, huh? No! I Where is Lydia Spring? [gasping for air.]
[banging on door.]
[dog whining.]
I need to open that door.
Is that Dirk Gently in there? [choking, banging on door.]
Let me open that door.
You don't have a warrant.
I have a gun, Todd.
I have a gun.
[dog barks.]
[choking and gasping.]
You-you seem a little stressed, I'm just gonna say it - Ow! - Stay on the ground! I will not let this get ahead of me again! You understand me! You have to open that door! - Shut up! - My sister is in there! Come out with your hands up! - Please - Shut up! She has a disease! - Shut up! - [dog barking, door banging.]
Amanda! Are you okay? [Amanda gasping and choking, dog barking.]
Clear the door, I'm coming in.
[lock splintering.]
[choking, gasping for air.]
Okay.
Okay All right, come on.
Why is she choking? Huh? What the hell's wrong with her? She's not choking, she's drowning.
[gasping and choking.]
We have to get her to a hospital.
No, no, no, there isn't any time.
She keeps breathing like this, she'll hemorrhage her lungs.
- Amanda! - [wheezing and gasping.]
Holy shit.
Jesus, not now.
You are coming with us.
[barking, revving engine approaches.]
[Todd.]
: Not these guys again! [Estevez.]
: Lydia, with me! Shit! [laughing crazily.]
[smashing bottle.]
I'm all revved up.
Ed, are we in trouble? I will handle this, Zed.
[cattle prod crackling, Cross laughing.]
[laughing.]
Jesus [bolt zips and ricochets.]
Hi! How ya doin'? Goodnight! Take that! I got him! [they stop laughing abruptly.]
[Amanda choking, gasping for air.]
[choking and wheezing.]
[gasping in relief.]
Amanda, thank God.
Don't touch me! Amanda No.
You brought me here to keep me safe? Here? Into this.
With you.
You don't care about me at all.
That's not true.
Okay, just look.
I was gonna fix things.
I was going to fix everything.
Everything about you is a lie.
I don't want your help, and I I don't want to ever see you again.
You are exactly the piece of shit that everyone thinks you are.
Get me out of here.
No, wait, Amanda! You-you can't leave! Amanda, stop! You can't go with them! Don't be sad.
[cattle prod crackles with electricity.]
Traffic conditions, transporting the machine, accosted by a So, you're saying you have no idea who that was? Okay, now, I can't clarify this enough, I haven't the slightest clue.
That homicidal dirt muppet and I have never crossed paths before.
Could she be with the cult? Well, I think not.
I do think we had we had a bit of a moment, though, maybe.
A "moment"? I don't know.
Look, I don't like this, and Todd should be here by now.
He'll be here.
He wanted to talk to Amanda about some things.
Do you like Todd? Yeah, he's fine.
Is he? He's brave, in his own unique way.
I like that he's there for you.
I like that he's doing this even though he doesn't have to.
Call him again.
He's not much of a phone-answerer, in my experience.
Once we plug in the machine, everything will become clear, I'm sure of it.
You don't even know what it does.
Well, I mean, clearly, it clarifies everything? Show me.
Oh Does it do that? We didn't see that one.
These are dates.
This is the date Patrick was killed, and this this is when his wife was killed.
What is this thing? It's a bad news calendar machine.
What? You said you were bringing backup.
Yes, well, it's hard to get a SWAT team together based on one phone call.
Smart move to call me, though.
You're the FBI man? Yes, that's right, and you're Dirk Gently? It's me.
Good to finally meet you.
You said you were attacked.
Yes, so many times.
There's a group of people, some kind of cult or secret organization hunting us.
They said they didn't kill Patrick, but they have Lydia.
They're a key piece in what's happening.
Two of them even came after us while we were trying to dig up the machine.
- Got them both, though.
- Yeah.
You killed them? Well, the shark did, certainly.
This "machine," where is it? Here, right here.
We put it together ourselves, so some bits might be on backwards, but [sighing in awe.]
: This is it.
This is the machine.
[Farah.]
: That's right.
Excellent work, Miss Black.
Thank you.
Can I tell you a secret? When we met? You were right the first time.
Farah! You're going to have to come with me.
[chuckling in deranged glee.]
This is lunacy.
You must see that.
Cops showed up at the temple, had to kill one of them.
Should I be expecting more? You lost your mind when you betrayed Rainey.
The Supreme Soul had a plan for us, for all of us.
Oh, really? Did he, now? "Find more bodies, make new drones, make more money.
" There's no ambition in that.
He got what he had coming to him.
That's heresy.
[scoffs.]
This is what blows my mind about you, you talk about it like it's real.
Like it's like it's spiritual.
After all these years, how do you still believe in that? The machine came to us from across time and space.
You were there, you're one of the original souls.
Why is it, do you think, that Rainey didn't let us build another altar? Had us holed up in some rotted-out mansion basement, had us in some decrepit zoo building? It's so he could control it.
The altar is sacred It's electrical! The Soul Exchanger isn't some holy relic, it's a piece of technology.
It always has been, it always will be.
You're insane.
Your drones are dropping like flies.
Your insurgency is a failure, You have ruined everything.
The detective whose partner you killed, he's looking for you, and he's not going to go away.
I have the other machine! So that means you follow me now.
So you are gonna go off and collect whoever you can, whoever hasn't run away.
My men are bringing in the relevant parties.
I will have the machine tonight, and I will have it at the temple, and you will meet me there.
I don't give a shit whether you believe in me or not, but I am the Supreme Soul now.
[Bart screaming in agony.]
Please be quiet.
Please you gotta stop screaming.
[Bart screaming intensely.]
Can you stop screaming? Listen, you gotta stop screaming.
Can you stop screaming? [screaming.]
Okay Struck by a car today.
While informing his next of kin, police uncovered a shocking discovery two women who had been trapped and kept prisoner in Gifford's basement for over three months.
[Bart screaming in agony.]
[Bart.]
: I'm gonna kill that guy.
Hey! [Bart screaming and sobbing in pain.]
Oh, God [sobbing.]
Get this thing out of my leg! I read on the Internet that you're not supposed to I don't care what the stupid rectangle tells you to do! If I'm supposed to die, I will! I'm not gonna go to the hospital.
I give up.
Just do it, I give up.
You get hurt once and you give up? I can't get hurt.
I'm always safe, I can't get hurt Yeah, well, a roller coaster is safe, too, unless it goes off the tracks.
Gobbledy-gook! What do you even know about anything? You assumed too much, Bart.
You say you kill whoever you feel like killing.
Did you feel like killing Dirk Gently right then? He was He was there.
And I mean It was It was different, but I knew I thought I thought that I knew that I was That's what I thought.
You shoot up a mall in the middle of the day, and we just happen to get away? I walk you into a crowded hotel with a knife in your leg, and we just happen to not get noticed? It's the universe, it's the stream of creation.
I have been doing nothing every day of my life, and thinking it was that, nothing, it was nothing.
Okay, but now I can see it, and I don't know what it is, and I can't name it, but I've seen it.
All right, and that's greater than understanding.
Okay? I believe.
I believe in you, Bart.
You talk to me a lot.
Look, we're gonna get you out of this tub, all right? We're gonna find you clothes without blood on them, gonna get you a weapon, and we're gonna get out there and follow the web of the universe, so you can do what you're supposed to do.
Kill Dirk Gently.
Or something.
Okay.
Okay.
But first [screaming in agony.]
Psst! [whispering.]
What happened? Where's Amanda? [hopelessly.]
She's gone.
Gone? Like, she is gone? She hasn't stopped existing, she's just gone.
Is this where the universe was supposed to lead us? Maybe.
Who hit you? The detective, Estevez.
He's, like, gone kind of crazy, I guess.
Where's Farah? [whispering.]
I don't know.
Are these guys gonna kill us? I mean I should hope not.
[door squeaks open.]
This guy again.
This is it.
He'll explain everything.
He's gonna have the answers.
I've been waiting for you two for a long time.
What is going on? Who are you guys? Did Patrick Spring hire you? If not, then what are you? Are you detectives? No, because you're a You're a bellhop! You were at the hotel! And you! You're who? - What, the FBI? No? - No.
Then how does the FBI figure into this? Who shot Ned? How did you know that Farah Black was gonna be in that apartment? I mean, what kind of crazy coincidence is that? Where's the kitten? Where's my dog? Why did you burn down my house? Who has my dog right now? Is it the police? Do the police have my dog? Who beat up Ed and Zed? Was it your guys? Other guys? How many different sets of guys are in this situation? How does Patrick Spring be in two places at the same time? [deeply disappointed.]
Aw.
.
nuts.
We-we don't, uh Sorry, I guess.
I, like, can answer four of those questions, total, if I'm being honest.
[exasperated.]
But you were there! Where? At the hotel! When Patrick Spring died, you were both there together! You were wearing my coat! This coat! Wait What's he talking about? It's the same machine.
What? What? What? What? What? Ooh Todd, solved it.
The dates! Of course! So stupid.
Makes total sense in hindsight, amazed I didn't guess it, honestly.
- We've got to go in there.
- Stop, stop Edgar Spring, Zackariah Webb, Patrick Spring, the whole thing.
I can get us out of here, I solved the case.
No, no, no, no, no, you stop talking to him, and start talking to me, giving me answers.
I want you two to give me some answers now [distant gunshots.]
No, no, no No, no No, no, no, no, no.
Fred, get out there, find out what that is! [ .]
No! [bullet ricochets.]
[cattle prod crackles.]
[yelps in pain.]
Todd, run! Dirk, what's the plan? There's a plug just like this in the basement of Patrick Spring's house, and there was another one under the Ridgely, remember? They're gonna come in here and kill us, Dirk! We won't be here, Todd! Come on, grab hold! [bolt snipes.]
[electricity crackling.]
I'm saving us! How are you going to save us with an Unlimited Energy Machine? It's not an Unlimited Energy Machine, and that's not the Soul Exchanger.
Well, they both are, but they're not, too.
Come on, grab tight! [battering door.]
There's not going to be a murder, Todd.
We're going to fix everything.
Watch this.
[energy surging.]
Todd and I, dug out a mysterous machine quite possibly Edgard Spring unlimited energy device.
But met stifles opposition from the men of the machine.
Get out he's got the shark! Wich led us to discover the kitten have a shark in it.
Barge and Ken arrived I'm gonna kill that guy.
And Amanda finally got some answers about the rowdy 3 You, like, ate my emotions It's sucked the energy out of my nerves.
But then, thing got complicated And Farrah's tracking of Estevez and Zimmerfield ended in a bloddy shoot out A tragic death.
and a shocking discovery I didn't have pararibulitis.
Every thing is connected.
[ .]
[ .]
[door creaks open.]
[budgie squawks.]
[snaps into place.]
[energy ramping up.]
[crackling and surging.]
[electricity surging.]
[meowing.]
[electricity surging.]
[meows.]
[meowing, crackling.]
[planting kisses.]
[electricity surging.]
[crackling and surging.]
[ .]
I don't understand.
We have to wait.
[sniffs, distressed.]
No, we go back in now.
We, uh, we get a SWAT team, and we get a tank, and we go back in there You broke into a facility We didn't break in You broke into a facility without a warrant.
I can't in good conscience Zimmerfield is dead.
I know, and I'm sorry.
- No, we're going back now - No, we're not - Yes, we are - No, we're not - Yes, we are! - No, we're not! All we have at this point is a dead cop as a result of an unlawful B&E.
He was shot with a harpoon.
We can't just start a gunfight in the middle of the Seattle Zoo.
You're in on this.
What? No follow-up on Patrick Spring, now you've got a dead cop, and you're saying we gotta do this by the book? Yeah, you're in on this.
Say it.
Say it to my face.
[sniffs.]
Say, "I'm in on this.
" Estevez, you are saying things you're going to regret Say it! Say "I'm one of them.
" "Them?" Yes, them.
The Patrick Spring "them.
" Those bald freaks, "them.
" The Coroner, the-the Gordon Rimmer, and whatever the hell else is locked up in that damn Animal Transfer Unit, "them"! Them! You're suspended.
- Say it.
- You're fired.
Say it.
Bradshaw, come and escort Detective Estevez No, no, no.
Say it.
I'm right here, just you and me.
I'm right here - [door opens.]
- Just say it.
Say it! A cop is dead.
Zimmerfield is dead, and he's firing me.
It's not over.
Not by a long shot.
Make sure he leaves.
Rimmer, we have a problem.
[honking.]
Okay, I'll get Farah.
No.
I'll go with Farah, you stay and talk to Amanda.
Now? Everything is connected, Todd.
Telling Amanda the truth is your next step.
Is this, you know, a universe thing? Like, if I don't do this now, the universe goes all weird? The universe is already weird, Todd.
If you don't tell her now, and we get killed later I'll go with Farah and take the machine back to the Spring Mansion, and figure out what the hell it does.
Oh! And you should bring Amanda.
She isn't safe here.
Okay.
You're back, thank God Farah! Hey, listen, we got the machine I killed someone It's okay, we killed some people, too Wait, what? It-it you what? Is Amanda okay? - Yes, she's - Are you okay? Have you ever done anything like that before? No.
A lot of training, but- Wait.
What machine? We found Edgar Spring's unlimited energy device.
We think.
Who did you kill? It's more of those bald freaks.
I found their hideout, they attacked the police, they killed that detective! Estevez or Zimmerfield? Zimmerfield.
Jesus, this is out of control.
Wait, wait, who did you kill? Same guys, same team, they must've tracked us out to the reservation, but we got them with the kitten.
- The what? - The kitten.
- It had a shark in it.
- Okay And just putting this out there, this is just a theory at this point, but we think the dog has Lydia Spring in it.
What? We think Rimmer swapped the soul of the dog and Lydia to use as insurance in case Patrick Spring tried to screw him in the hostage exchange for the machine.
So Lydia's in the dog? Yes.
But we can put her back in her body, right? Dirk can do a thing? Well, if we get the dog, and Lydia, and whatever they used to swap the soul, then yes, we're we're optimistic about that.
Okay.
Hmm.
Amanda said she was approached by men who seemed military.
- Shit, that's "Black Wing.
" - What?! "Black Wing," it's a defunct CIA program that's after Dirk.
Listen, there's a tremendous amount of moving pieces here.
We can't pin them all down now.
Okay.
Sure.
You need to get Dirk to the Spring Mansion, yeah? I'll get Amanda and meet you there, but I have something I have to do here first.
Dirk's outside.
Can you drive him? He's not good at cars.
Yes.
Take my SUV.
Farah, thank you.
[sighs.]
I just want Lydia safe.
That's all that matters now.
Well, we're gonna make that happen.
Or something like that, definitely.
Thanks, Todd.
Are-are you armed, and whatever? Always.
Are you? What? No.
Wait, what are you Don't let anyone see you have this until you punch them in the face with it.
Right, okay.
I'd give you my gun, but then I wouldn't have one.
That can never happen.
Right.
Amanda? Are you here? Dude shit has been going down.
Where were you? What did you find out there, with the-the map? Hey.
We, um Farah is super weird.
You were right, I think you have way more of a shot with her - than I thought - We have to I spent all night with her, and she is, like, this mega whackado basket case Amanda, we have to Not that she's not great, but, oh, I don't even know where to start I never had pararibulitus.
the last 24 hours is just like What? Th-this isn't how I wanted to tell you.
I just I cou1dn't keep it a secret anymore.
What did you say? I never had pararibulitus.
Yes, you did.
What are you What are talking about? Yes, you did.
That's, like, why you dropped out of college No, I-I dropped out because I was failing, because I never went to classes, because I was trying to dedicate my time to The Mexican Funeral.
Look, th-this isn't how I meant for this to happen, okay? I've wanted to tell you for years, but That doesn't make sense.
The Mexican Funeral broke up because of your pararibulitus.
The Mexican Funeral broke up because I sold our equipment, and told the guys that it was stolen.
Okay.
But, okay, but there was that time with mom and dad when you were, like Well, I wanted my own apartment, and I needed first and last months' rent, and the money mom and dad were sending for what they thought was my treatments wasn't enough, so I thought, the band wasn't going anywhere, so, screw them, and then I told mom and dad that they were all just trying to screw me over You told me that.
Yes, I told you that, and I-I told them that my parents hated them.
When you're lying, you lie to both sides, so that the others don't talk to each other, and I-I ended up trapped under so many, 'cause it-it snowballed It "snowballed"? I was being stupid.
You're not like that.
You wouldn't do that - No - And you are not like that No, I'm not.
I-I changed.
I changed the second you got sick.
It made me realize that I-I I-it doesn't matter now, okay? Because because look Seriously? It's $10,000.
You're trying to bribe me? No, I Look, we can talk about this later.
[whispering.]
This isn't happening [whispering.]
Oh, this was stupid.
- This was so stupid of me - Yes.
Uh-huh.
Okay, we have to leave now Is that a joke? - No, we have to go - No, what are you! What are you saying to me? - What are you even saying? - Amanda This isn't happening.
I'm sorry, Todd, but this is not happening.
- Wait - Not happening.
No Amanda [roar and blare of traffic jam.]
What are you doing? Spot checks.
Whoever was following you could be watching us now.
"Spot checks.
" Fantastic.
I think of you and me as Module "B" of the detective agency.
Todd and I being Module "A," the investigative arm, but you and I, we're the strike team, for when things get physical.
You can't be in both Module "A" and Module "B.
" Sure I can, I jump across.
Your organizational structure is confusing.
What you'd want to do is use the MECE methodology to divide the teams.
The meece what? Mutually Exclusive, Cumulatively Exhaustive sub-units, And then establish configurations wherein every possible dynamic is addressed to the skill set of the people therein.
That would be more efficient.
I'm not part of your detective agency Aren't you, though, a little bit? I mean, what else have you got? I mainly attract people in positions of absolute hopelessness, so I think you fit into that quite nicely.
No offense.
Just be quiet.
But it's kind of incredible, isn't it? I mean, how close we are now? It really feels like we're onto something.
We'll see.
Did I make some mistakes? Yes.
Did I only make mistakes? Yes.
But did it all work out? Kind of! I had a plan, and I put it into action, and it went off flawlessly.
Almost.
Mostly.
Maybe it went off flawful-ish.
But not a total disaster.
In fact, an unmitigated not-total-disaster of the sort I'm thrilled to be involved in.
[gasps.]
That's what we'll put on the sign for the detective agency, Farah.
"Cases Solved With Arguable Efficiency.
" Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency! Dirk Gently, here to help.
You hear that, everyone! Dirk Gently! Me! Dirk Gently! - That's what the sign will say! - Shh! Shh I am Dirk Gently! - I am Dirk Gently! - Dirk, get down - Dirk! Get down! - [gunshot.]
No, don't! [everyone screaming in panic.]
Get out of the way.
Dammit.
Run! Run, run [panting in terror.]
[shots ricochet.]
[yelps.]
[cries out in pain.]
[groaning.]
[glass smashes, Dirk yelps.]
Run! Gun coming! [gunshot, Dirk screams.]
[whimpering in panic.]
[gunshots.]
Stop! [panting.]
[moans in fear.]
[gun cracking.]
[shouts in frustration.]
Drop your weapon! Drop it now! [scoffs.]
[Dirk wailing.]
Oh, why? Stop running! Not much choice! [gun won't fire.]
No, no, stop, please! Please, I don't know why you're doing this! You're supposed to die! I'm supposed to kill you! Everything led me here! To you! To this! - Everything is connected - Everything is connected That's different.
[gasping in wonder.]
[speaking together.]
: You're one of the others You're like me! You're not like me.
You're something different.
You Dirk! [Bart screams.]
[screams.]
[thuds.]
Are you okay? Emotionally? Certainly not.
[distant police sirens.]
[screaming in pain.]
[groaning and sobbing.]
I can't get hurt, it isn't possible You've never been hurt before? [sobbing.]
It isn't possible Cops are coming, and we need to find a way out of here.
[screaming and sobbing.]
All right, all right, if we can just get to the service level, maybe we can get out the back.
I'll never walk again! And of course that's locked for employees only.
And I have no tools.
[screaming.]
Farah, that was unbelievable.
You saved me.
No wonder Spring entrusted his safety to you.
You are an incredible person.
Who'd have thought? All part of the job.
No, it absolutely wasn't.
Unless you're talking about your job at my detective agency.
[gasps in horror.]
The machine! I left it in the car! Stupid Dirk! Always running away from death and forgetting machines! [Bart sobbing.]
[elevator moving.]
I got it! I got it! I got it.
We're moving again.
I messed up.
What? I ruined everything, What are you talking about? I left my path, and this is my punishment.
I'm lost.
The universe is broken.
[both sighing in relief.]
Oh, thank God.
We have to get this to the Spring Mansion.
The FBI guy was right, we can't do this alone.
[sighing.]
I [cell phone rings.]
You were right.
I need your help.
Don't worry.
I'm on my way.
I have a theory.
I have a theory, and I don't like it at all, but it's it's my theory right now, and right now that's all I got.
So, uh I'm gonna explain it to you, and if you understand it, I mean, if you follow it all the way through, you gotta tell me, you gotta help me, and you gotta confirm or deny whether it's accurate, 'cause right now I feel like I'm losing my mind a little.
Like, uh like I might like I might be having some mental problems.
[chuckling deliriously.]
You know? So, I just, uh I need you to confirm or deny one one question.
Are you Lydia Spring? [barks.]
No.
I've been through a lot, right? And-and-and I lost someone who I Who I I lost someone who means a lot to me.
And I'm I am I'm not Bark twice for "yes.
" Are you Lydia Spring? [barks twice.]
[shuddering.]
Mm Mm-mm.
Mm-mm.
If you're Lydia Spring, bark three times and turn in a circle.
[barks three times.]
I'm going to need a minute.
Oh How did this happen? Huh? Did Gordon Rimmer do this? [barks.]
How did you get away? - Did someone take you? - [barks.]
Was it Dirk Gently and Todd Brotzman? [barks.]
Let's go talk to them.
[smashes bottle.]
[grunge rock blasting.]
[ .]
These guys suck.
I said these guys suck! [ .]
- Hey, you grabbed my ass.
- What? - You just grabbed my ass - I'm Rick.
- What the hell? - That's my boyfriend! He just grabbed my ass, you stupid bitch! He can do whatever he wants - You wanna go? - Yeah! Let's take this outside! Hey! Both of you, out of here, now! Holy shit! Are you all right? I'm sorry, I screwed up your night, your one night out.
No, it's okay, that guy was an asshole.
I know you never go out anymore because of the disease, and now I'm [groans.]
I'm covered in beer, and I'm crying like a pussy, and Hey.
See? It's great.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Are you ready to talk? I'm sorry.
Is this very inconvenient for you? I'm processing.
I just [sighs.]
God, I really messed this up.
I should've waited.
You should've waited? Yeah, you're right, six years wasn't quite long enough.
Great prank, Todd, but you screwed up the timing.
That's what you screwed up.
Put your phone under the door.
What? I'm calling mom and dad.
[sighs.]
Okay, okay, but, Amanda, we have to go meet Dirk and Farah.
And we can't stay here anymore.
There are dangerous people Yeah, I know, I met some of them.
Look, you're the most important person in the world to me.
What are you even saying? I don't know you.
I literally don't know who you are.
You are not my brother, you are some other person.
No, I am your brother.
[sighs.]
Give me the goddamn phone, right now.
Oh, shit.
[authoritative knock.]
Oh, my God.
You recognize this dog? Huh? Yes.
This is the dog you stole from Gordon Rimmer, right before you burned down his house.
Right? [Todd.]
: That's what happened, yes.
[water bubbling dreamily.]
I would've thought you would have cleaned this shithole up by now.
You know the CIA the actual goddamn CIA told us not to follow up on those four guys in the van who trashed it? Crazy.
[gasping for air.]
Have you have you been drinking? Have you been drinking? Okay.
That dog is the most important thing here.
Because it's Lydia Spring.
Yes.
How did they turn her into a dog? Oh, they-they didn't, they took the soul out of her body and swapped it with a dog.
Her body? Yeah, she she's still alive.
Oh, so you know where she is? I-I [gasping and choking.]
Your friends killed my partner.
They are not my friends.
Oh, so you know about that, too, huh? No! I Where is Lydia Spring? [gasping for air.]
[banging on door.]
[dog whining.]
I need to open that door.
Is that Dirk Gently in there? [choking, banging on door.]
Let me open that door.
You don't have a warrant.
I have a gun, Todd.
I have a gun.
[dog barks.]
[choking and gasping.]
You-you seem a little stressed, I'm just gonna say it - Ow! - Stay on the ground! I will not let this get ahead of me again! You understand me! You have to open that door! - Shut up! - My sister is in there! Come out with your hands up! - Please - Shut up! She has a disease! - Shut up! - [dog barking, door banging.]
Amanda! Are you okay? [Amanda gasping and choking, dog barking.]
Clear the door, I'm coming in.
[lock splintering.]
[choking, gasping for air.]
Okay.
Okay All right, come on.
Why is she choking? Huh? What the hell's wrong with her? She's not choking, she's drowning.
[gasping and choking.]
We have to get her to a hospital.
No, no, no, there isn't any time.
She keeps breathing like this, she'll hemorrhage her lungs.
- Amanda! - [wheezing and gasping.]
Holy shit.
Jesus, not now.
You are coming with us.
[barking, revving engine approaches.]
[Todd.]
: Not these guys again! [Estevez.]
: Lydia, with me! Shit! [laughing crazily.]
[smashing bottle.]
I'm all revved up.
Ed, are we in trouble? I will handle this, Zed.
[cattle prod crackling, Cross laughing.]
[laughing.]
Jesus [bolt zips and ricochets.]
Hi! How ya doin'? Goodnight! Take that! I got him! [they stop laughing abruptly.]
[Amanda choking, gasping for air.]
[choking and wheezing.]
[gasping in relief.]
Amanda, thank God.
Don't touch me! Amanda No.
You brought me here to keep me safe? Here? Into this.
With you.
You don't care about me at all.
That's not true.
Okay, just look.
I was gonna fix things.
I was going to fix everything.
Everything about you is a lie.
I don't want your help, and I I don't want to ever see you again.
You are exactly the piece of shit that everyone thinks you are.
Get me out of here.
No, wait, Amanda! You-you can't leave! Amanda, stop! You can't go with them! Don't be sad.
[cattle prod crackles with electricity.]
Traffic conditions, transporting the machine, accosted by a So, you're saying you have no idea who that was? Okay, now, I can't clarify this enough, I haven't the slightest clue.
That homicidal dirt muppet and I have never crossed paths before.
Could she be with the cult? Well, I think not.
I do think we had we had a bit of a moment, though, maybe.
A "moment"? I don't know.
Look, I don't like this, and Todd should be here by now.
He'll be here.
He wanted to talk to Amanda about some things.
Do you like Todd? Yeah, he's fine.
Is he? He's brave, in his own unique way.
I like that he's there for you.
I like that he's doing this even though he doesn't have to.
Call him again.
He's not much of a phone-answerer, in my experience.
Once we plug in the machine, everything will become clear, I'm sure of it.
You don't even know what it does.
Well, I mean, clearly, it clarifies everything? Show me.
Oh Does it do that? We didn't see that one.
These are dates.
This is the date Patrick was killed, and this this is when his wife was killed.
What is this thing? It's a bad news calendar machine.
What? You said you were bringing backup.
Yes, well, it's hard to get a SWAT team together based on one phone call.
Smart move to call me, though.
You're the FBI man? Yes, that's right, and you're Dirk Gently? It's me.
Good to finally meet you.
You said you were attacked.
Yes, so many times.
There's a group of people, some kind of cult or secret organization hunting us.
They said they didn't kill Patrick, but they have Lydia.
They're a key piece in what's happening.
Two of them even came after us while we were trying to dig up the machine.
- Got them both, though.
- Yeah.
You killed them? Well, the shark did, certainly.
This "machine," where is it? Here, right here.
We put it together ourselves, so some bits might be on backwards, but [sighing in awe.]
: This is it.
This is the machine.
[Farah.]
: That's right.
Excellent work, Miss Black.
Thank you.
Can I tell you a secret? When we met? You were right the first time.
Farah! You're going to have to come with me.
[chuckling in deranged glee.]
This is lunacy.
You must see that.
Cops showed up at the temple, had to kill one of them.
Should I be expecting more? You lost your mind when you betrayed Rainey.
The Supreme Soul had a plan for us, for all of us.
Oh, really? Did he, now? "Find more bodies, make new drones, make more money.
" There's no ambition in that.
He got what he had coming to him.
That's heresy.
[scoffs.]
This is what blows my mind about you, you talk about it like it's real.
Like it's like it's spiritual.
After all these years, how do you still believe in that? The machine came to us from across time and space.
You were there, you're one of the original souls.
Why is it, do you think, that Rainey didn't let us build another altar? Had us holed up in some rotted-out mansion basement, had us in some decrepit zoo building? It's so he could control it.
The altar is sacred It's electrical! The Soul Exchanger isn't some holy relic, it's a piece of technology.
It always has been, it always will be.
You're insane.
Your drones are dropping like flies.
Your insurgency is a failure, You have ruined everything.
The detective whose partner you killed, he's looking for you, and he's not going to go away.
I have the other machine! So that means you follow me now.
So you are gonna go off and collect whoever you can, whoever hasn't run away.
My men are bringing in the relevant parties.
I will have the machine tonight, and I will have it at the temple, and you will meet me there.
I don't give a shit whether you believe in me or not, but I am the Supreme Soul now.
[Bart screaming in agony.]
Please be quiet.
Please you gotta stop screaming.
[Bart screaming intensely.]
Can you stop screaming? Listen, you gotta stop screaming.
Can you stop screaming? [screaming.]
Okay Struck by a car today.
While informing his next of kin, police uncovered a shocking discovery two women who had been trapped and kept prisoner in Gifford's basement for over three months.
[Bart screaming in agony.]
[Bart.]
: I'm gonna kill that guy.
Hey! [Bart screaming and sobbing in pain.]
Oh, God [sobbing.]
Get this thing out of my leg! I read on the Internet that you're not supposed to I don't care what the stupid rectangle tells you to do! If I'm supposed to die, I will! I'm not gonna go to the hospital.
I give up.
Just do it, I give up.
You get hurt once and you give up? I can't get hurt.
I'm always safe, I can't get hurt Yeah, well, a roller coaster is safe, too, unless it goes off the tracks.
Gobbledy-gook! What do you even know about anything? You assumed too much, Bart.
You say you kill whoever you feel like killing.
Did you feel like killing Dirk Gently right then? He was He was there.
And I mean It was It was different, but I knew I thought I thought that I knew that I was That's what I thought.
You shoot up a mall in the middle of the day, and we just happen to get away? I walk you into a crowded hotel with a knife in your leg, and we just happen to not get noticed? It's the universe, it's the stream of creation.
I have been doing nothing every day of my life, and thinking it was that, nothing, it was nothing.
Okay, but now I can see it, and I don't know what it is, and I can't name it, but I've seen it.
All right, and that's greater than understanding.
Okay? I believe.
I believe in you, Bart.
You talk to me a lot.
Look, we're gonna get you out of this tub, all right? We're gonna find you clothes without blood on them, gonna get you a weapon, and we're gonna get out there and follow the web of the universe, so you can do what you're supposed to do.
Kill Dirk Gently.
Or something.
Okay.
Okay.
But first [screaming in agony.]
Psst! [whispering.]
What happened? Where's Amanda? [hopelessly.]
She's gone.
Gone? Like, she is gone? She hasn't stopped existing, she's just gone.
Is this where the universe was supposed to lead us? Maybe.
Who hit you? The detective, Estevez.
He's, like, gone kind of crazy, I guess.
Where's Farah? [whispering.]
I don't know.
Are these guys gonna kill us? I mean I should hope not.
[door squeaks open.]
This guy again.
This is it.
He'll explain everything.
He's gonna have the answers.
I've been waiting for you two for a long time.
What is going on? Who are you guys? Did Patrick Spring hire you? If not, then what are you? Are you detectives? No, because you're a You're a bellhop! You were at the hotel! And you! You're who? - What, the FBI? No? - No.
Then how does the FBI figure into this? Who shot Ned? How did you know that Farah Black was gonna be in that apartment? I mean, what kind of crazy coincidence is that? Where's the kitten? Where's my dog? Why did you burn down my house? Who has my dog right now? Is it the police? Do the police have my dog? Who beat up Ed and Zed? Was it your guys? Other guys? How many different sets of guys are in this situation? How does Patrick Spring be in two places at the same time? [deeply disappointed.]
Aw.
.
nuts.
We-we don't, uh Sorry, I guess.
I, like, can answer four of those questions, total, if I'm being honest.
[exasperated.]
But you were there! Where? At the hotel! When Patrick Spring died, you were both there together! You were wearing my coat! This coat! Wait What's he talking about? It's the same machine.
What? What? What? What? What? Ooh Todd, solved it.
The dates! Of course! So stupid.
Makes total sense in hindsight, amazed I didn't guess it, honestly.
- We've got to go in there.
- Stop, stop Edgar Spring, Zackariah Webb, Patrick Spring, the whole thing.
I can get us out of here, I solved the case.
No, no, no, no, no, you stop talking to him, and start talking to me, giving me answers.
I want you two to give me some answers now [distant gunshots.]
No, no, no No, no No, no, no, no, no.
Fred, get out there, find out what that is! [ .]
No! [bullet ricochets.]
[cattle prod crackles.]
[yelps in pain.]
Todd, run! Dirk, what's the plan? There's a plug just like this in the basement of Patrick Spring's house, and there was another one under the Ridgely, remember? They're gonna come in here and kill us, Dirk! We won't be here, Todd! Come on, grab hold! [bolt snipes.]
[electricity crackling.]
I'm saving us! How are you going to save us with an Unlimited Energy Machine? It's not an Unlimited Energy Machine, and that's not the Soul Exchanger.
Well, they both are, but they're not, too.
Come on, grab tight! [battering door.]
There's not going to be a murder, Todd.
We're going to fix everything.
Watch this.
[energy surging.]