Doctor Who s05e16 Episode Script
Meanwhile in the TARDIS 1
Why is it a phone box? Sorry, what? On the outside, it said "Police Box".
Why have you labelled a time machine "Police Box"? Why not "Time Machine"? Is that too obvious? And what is a police box? Do policemen come in boxes? How many do you get? Are you a policeman? No.
Look at your hair.
Actually, just look at your hair! Do you ever look at your hair and think, "Whoa" It just won't stop at my chin! "Look, I'm wearing a bow tie.
Shoot me now!" -Am I gabbling? -A bit, yeah.
-The question stands.
-The first question? -Yes.
.
Well, it's not really a police box, which by the way, is a special kind of telephone box that policemen used to use.
Right.
Telephone box.
There's a light on the top.
Don't you need to change the bulb? Amy, stop.
Breath.
(EXHALES) -(INHALES DEEPLY) -Hmm? Why doesn't the air get out? It is made of wood.
Oh, you've got a wooden time machine.
Do you fell stupid? -Sorry.
Back on the bow tie.
-It's camouflage.
It's disguised as a police telephone box from 1963.
Every time the Tardis materialises in a a new location, within the first nanosecond of landing, it analyses its surroundings, calculates a 12-dimensional data map of everything within a 1000-mile radius, and determines which outher shell would blend in best with the enviroment.
And then it disguises itself as a police telephone box from 1963.
Oh, Why? It's probably a bit of a fault, actually.
I've been meaning to check.
What, it's a police box every time? Yeah l suppose, now you mention.
How long has it been doing that? Oh! You know, not long.
Okay.
Okay, but what about the windows? There are windows on the outside.
Where do they go? Is it a cry for help? -What? -The bow tie.
Ah.
Bow ties are cool.
-And you're an alien.
-Yeah.
Well, in your terms, yeah.
In my terms, you're an alien.
-In quite a few people's terms probably.
-What kind of alien? Well, you know, a nice one.
Definitely one of the nice ones.
So you're like a space squid or something? Are you like a tiny little slug in a human suit? Is that why you walk like that? Amy, this is me.
This is what I really look like.
-Well, that's fine, then! -Ow! Good! Okay.
I think I'm done there.
(BOTH LAUGHING) Amy Pond, you've barely started.
Plus, do you know what i keep in here? What? Absolutely evething.
Anything take your fancy? -We're in space.
-Yeah.
That's space.
-But it can't be.
-But it is.
It's like, it's like, it's like special effects.
-Like what? -This so isn't real.
It's not real.
-Get out -What? Yeah.
Seriously.
Get out! (AMY SCREAMS)
Why have you labelled a time machine "Police Box"? Why not "Time Machine"? Is that too obvious? And what is a police box? Do policemen come in boxes? How many do you get? Are you a policeman? No.
Look at your hair.
Actually, just look at your hair! Do you ever look at your hair and think, "Whoa" It just won't stop at my chin! "Look, I'm wearing a bow tie.
Shoot me now!" -Am I gabbling? -A bit, yeah.
-The question stands.
-The first question? -Yes.
.
Well, it's not really a police box, which by the way, is a special kind of telephone box that policemen used to use.
Right.
Telephone box.
There's a light on the top.
Don't you need to change the bulb? Amy, stop.
Breath.
(EXHALES) -(INHALES DEEPLY) -Hmm? Why doesn't the air get out? It is made of wood.
Oh, you've got a wooden time machine.
Do you fell stupid? -Sorry.
Back on the bow tie.
-It's camouflage.
It's disguised as a police telephone box from 1963.
Every time the Tardis materialises in a a new location, within the first nanosecond of landing, it analyses its surroundings, calculates a 12-dimensional data map of everything within a 1000-mile radius, and determines which outher shell would blend in best with the enviroment.
And then it disguises itself as a police telephone box from 1963.
Oh, Why? It's probably a bit of a fault, actually.
I've been meaning to check.
What, it's a police box every time? Yeah l suppose, now you mention.
How long has it been doing that? Oh! You know, not long.
Okay.
Okay, but what about the windows? There are windows on the outside.
Where do they go? Is it a cry for help? -What? -The bow tie.
Ah.
Bow ties are cool.
-And you're an alien.
-Yeah.
Well, in your terms, yeah.
In my terms, you're an alien.
-In quite a few people's terms probably.
-What kind of alien? Well, you know, a nice one.
Definitely one of the nice ones.
So you're like a space squid or something? Are you like a tiny little slug in a human suit? Is that why you walk like that? Amy, this is me.
This is what I really look like.
-Well, that's fine, then! -Ow! Good! Okay.
I think I'm done there.
(BOTH LAUGHING) Amy Pond, you've barely started.
Plus, do you know what i keep in here? What? Absolutely evething.
Anything take your fancy? -We're in space.
-Yeah.
That's space.
-But it can't be.
-But it is.
It's like, it's like, it's like special effects.
-Like what? -This so isn't real.
It's not real.
-Get out -What? Yeah.
Seriously.
Get out! (AMY SCREAMS)