Friends s04e08 Episode Script

It's me.
I know you can 't stand to see me.
I'm trying to apologize over the phone I shouldn't have kissed your girlfriend Stop calling! This is 92.
3 WXRK, K-Rock calling with our $ 1000 daily challenge! All right! What is the name of your roommate who is very sorry and would do anything? -Damn it, Chandler, stop calling.
-Joey, it's Ross.
-Sorry.
-It's all right.
What's up? Not much.
I got Chandler here and he's really, really sorry The One with Chandler in a Box Oh, turkey! Giving thanks! Look, everyone.
It's the spirit of Thanksgiving! Are things with Joey better? They couldn't be worse.
I spent eight hours calling him trying to get him to talk to me.
Eight hours.
You could probably use a plug-in telephone headset.
Should we all expect Christmas gifts that are stolen from your office? You shouldn't.
Speaking of Christmas.
Since Monica and I are starting a new business and have no money this year we could do Secret Santa and each only buy one gift.
And there's the added mystery of who gets who.
Who gets whom.
I don't know why I do that.
But it is correct.
Hey, what's this? It's all of your names.
Let's pick.
Hey, what's going? -No, Joey, stay.
-We're picking names for Secret Santa.
Okay.
I invented Secret Santa, you know.
What are you laughing at? You're the one who said Die Hard was your idea.
It was.
Don't make me show you the napkin.
I'm going to take a nap.
Turkey makes me sleepy.
We haven't eaten yet.
I know, but all that work you're doing to get it ready and.
Did you pick Rachel for your Secret Santa? I'll trade for her.
I picked her.
Thank God, you want her! Why do you want to get rid of her so badly? She exchanges every gift she gets.
It's impossible to get her something she likes.
Come on, let's trade! I got her that backpack and she loved it.
I remember she cried when that big dog ran off with There was no big dog.
This sucks! I already got her a briefcase with "R.
G.
" put on it.
Her initials.
Okay, I'm really bad at initials.
You got your shopping done early.
Yeah, well, my Camel Cash was about to expire.
Maybe you can give it to somebody else.
Like Ross Geller! You know what? It's a girlie briefcase.
Who cares! He works in a museum.
The big game's about to start! Ross and Joey aren't here.
You can watch the parade if you want.
Thanks.
What is wrong with this freezer? -What happened? -lce just got in my eye! People are trying to sleep in here! Monica got ice in her eye and it hurts! -Open it up.
Let me see.
-I can't.
It really kills.
Maybe you should put some ice on it.
-lt looks bad.
-We should take you to a doctor.
No, my eye doctor is Richard! I can't go to him when I don't have a boyfriend.
He's really picky about his patients.
You've got to go.
What's his office number? Like I remember his office number! Speed dial seven.
I'm calling on behalf of Monica Geller's eye.
Is Richard Burke in today? He's not in.
Will she see the on-call doctor? -Yes.
-She's very excited about that! Okay, we'll be right in.
Okay, so who's gonna take her in? I'll go, you can watch your parade.
It's so cool.
Till Monica gets back, I'm head chef.
And I get to make all the decisions.
She told you to follow the recipe exactly.
Get out of my kitchen.
I think I'm making some progress with Joey.
When I walked in, he went to his bedroom but he only slammed the door once.
Yeah, he gave me the finger while doing it.
I've got to call my mom and ask her a left-handed cooking question.
I'm gonna be in there.
While I'm gone.
Chandler, you're in charge.
I picked Monica for Secret Santa, but I'm getting her something for Hanukkah.
You want to switch? I was trying to trade for you.
Really? That's so nice.
What are you getting me? I don't know, R.
G.
I was thinking something girlie for your office.
Maybe Phoebe will switch with me.
Then you'll get stuck with Rachel, and she exchanges every gift.
No, I got her lots of stuff she never took back.
Like? Like that gold necklace I got her last year.
When did she wear it last? She wore it all Christmas day and then.
Big dog? What are you doing? Sending back this stuff Chandler bought.
-Even the TV? -No, I'll put that in my room.
Listen, Joey.
I know what he did was wrong.
But can't you hear him out? If Chandler had kissed Rachel, would you hear him out? That's a good point.
How long you going to punish him? Five years.
You've sentenced him? Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
The guy's your best friend.
Was my best friend.
I don't know why you're pushing for him.
With him out of the way as my best friend, there's a spot open.
-Who, me? -Yeah.
I'm honored.
You know what I'm going to do as your best friend? I'm going to get you to talk to Chandler.
All right.
But if you weren't my best friend.
Oh, my God.
Is it really that bad? I walk in the room, and he won't talk to me.
He just mumbles something in ltalian.
And I know he only knows the bad words.
I'm so, so sorry.
I feel responsible.
It's not your fault.
-Gunther, have you seen Chandler? -I thought you were Chandler.
But one of you is over there.
Hey, Joe.
I'll be right with you.
Thanks for coming in.
Oh, my God! How cute is the on-call doctor? So cute that I'm thinking about jamming this pen in my eye.
-You have the best luck with eye doctors.
-I know.
Dr.
Burke will see you now.
Not Dr.
Burke.
The on-call doctor will see me now.
Dr.
Richard Burke is out.
Dr.
Timothy Burke, his son, will see you now.
Ready? Hey, I'm sorry.
That -Where you going? -My folks'.
When you coming back? I don't know.
I might stay there while I look for an apartment.
What? I thought we could talk about this.
Work it out.
Seeing you two together, I don't.
What do you want me to say? Should I stop seeing her? It's not about her.
Okay? But seeing you together reminds me of what you did.
I won't live with someone who doesn't know what it is to be a friend.
I know what it is to be a friend.
I screwed up.
Yeah, you did.
And that's why I'm leaving.
If you're not going to stay for me, then at least stay for them.
They had a very difficult year.
What with the robbery and all.
And that chick used to be very cute.
When that guy was robbing us and I was locked in the entertainment unit for six hours do you know what I was doing? I was thinking about how I let you down.
If I knew what kind of friend you'd be, I wouldn't have worried.
Wait one second! There has to be something that I can do.
If we still had that unit I'd get in it for six hours and think about how I let you down.
What? We got a box.
I remember the last time I saw you.
It was the morning I left for college.
You were standing outside the Dairy Queen.
Just probably waiting for it to open.
-You look great now.
-You look great too.
You're an excellent patient.
How does it look? You have a scratch on your cornea.
You have to wear a patch.
Like a pirate? If that helps you.
How long have you been working with your dad? Come on, one of us had to mention him.
I moved back here a couple months ago.
Big family dinner tonight? No way! I was gonna have Thanksgiving at my girlfriend's.
But we broke up.
She wasn't ready for a serious commitment.
So you made her walk the plank, aye, matey? You're not wearing the patch yet.
I know.
-He's coming here for Thanksgiving? -I know.
It's sick.
-Why is it sick? -It's Richard's son! It's like inviting a Greek tragedy over for dinner.
If it were Greek, I'd be blind in both eyes.
I like him because he's handsome and he's nice and smart and handsome.
Phoebe, you understand, don't you? I could see where I'd be your best shot, but no.
Sorry, honey.
I think it's twisted.
-What's twisted? -Me going out with Richard's son.
It sounds like a really bad idea to me.
-ls he okay in there? -He's fine! If things work out between you and Richard's son you can tell your kids that you slept with their grandfather.
Judge all you want to.
Married a lesbian, left a man at the altar Ioved a gay ice dancer threw a girl's wooden leg in the fire, live in a box! What exactly is the point of the box? The meaning of the box is threefold.
One, it gives me the time to think about what I did.
Two, it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey.
And three it hurts.
And if he stays in the box you guys will be friends again? Let's just say it's a start.
Remember that necklace I gave you last year? Can I see it? Why? I just want to check something.
Okay.
Now we'll see.
Air hole! Air hole! Here it is.
I love it.
I wear it all the time.
The necklace I got you was gold.
This is silver.
Well, maybe it changed.
Oh, my God! You actually exchanged it.
Isn't it better to exchange it for something I enjoy and can use a lot? What did you get? Credit.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
I'll get it.
Hi, Tim.
Thank you.
Come meet my friends.
Phoebe.
And Joey.
My brother, Ross.
And Rachel.
That's Chandler.
How do you do? -What's? -Well, he's.
He's doing some thinking.
-What happened? -You kissed my girlfriend! I like those sunglasses.
"Like them" like them? Or "I'd like to get store credit" like them? This turkey is ready.
Where can I wash up? Let me show you.
The towels are hanging next to the sink.
-And you can use the fancy soap.
-Thank you.
Fancy soap? I thought we were saving that for the pope.
See.
He's nice, right? Do you want a relationship where you can actually say: "That's not how your dad used to do it"? Everything looks great.
Where should I sit? Saved you a seat.
Sick, sick, sick, sick.
I'll get it.
Got you! That doesn't sound like thinking to me.
-Sorry! -You shouldn't be talking at all.
You've got too much thinking to do to be talking and joking.
Okay, you got it! Ross, pass me the yams? Joey's got the mashed potatoes if you want to exchange them.
Will you stop! What's the matter with you? We've got company.
Nothing's the matter with me.
I'm not completely devoid of sentiment.
I have feelings.
Okay, fine.
You can't tell, but I'm breaking the tension by mooning you guys.
All right, look! If this is a big joke to you, forget about it.
This means something to me.
If it doesn't mean anything to you, then get out of there.
Otherwise, you're just an idiot in a box.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
This means a lot to me.
I want to be friends again.
I swear I won't say another word.
-So you'll take this seriously? -Absolutely! That sounds like another word to me.
Are you going to take this seriously? Okay! Don't say that I have no sentiment.
This is a movie stub from our first date.
This eggshell is from the first time you made me breakfast in bed.
This is from the museum, the first time we were together.
Maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter.
I don't know what to say.
I'm sorry.
Though you're not supposed to take these.
It's, like, a million years old.
We actually have people looking for that.
-Mind if I smoke? -Care if I die? No, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.
Go ahead, smoke.
This always happens.
Here, let me.
Thank you.
You have very beautiful eye.
My friends think this is weird.
Even the one in the box? It's not weird, is it? I thought it would be.
I almost canceled, but it really isn't.
I know.
Me and your dad, that's totally separate.
I totally agree.
We're two people who find each other very attractive.
Right? -What? -Nothing, nothing.
No, really.
Was that not okay? No, that was good.
That was a good kiss.
-lt reminded you of -Don't say it! -lt did, didn't it? -Yes! I know! God, I am sorry.
I am so sorry.
It's okay.
It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.
You know what's even worse? My friends were right.
You know what's worst for me is you remind me of a younger version of my mom.
-I want you to know how sorry I am -It's okay.
-Chandler's the one I'm mad at.
-Well, I'm still sorry.
-ls he here? -ln the box.
He can't talk right now.
Why not? What's going on? He's trying to show Joey how much he means to him.
-By being in a box? -Joey had reasons.
They were threefold.
You not being able to talk might make this easier.
Listen.
I don't want to be someone who comes between two best friends.
I can't stand seeing what this is doing to you guys.
And I don't want to be the cause of that.
I don't think we can see each other anymore.
I'm going to my mom's in Chicago.
I'm going to stay there for a while.
I think this could have been something really amazing.
But, you know, this is probably for the best.
You know? I'm going to miss you.
Goodbye, Chandler.
Open the box! What? He can still catch her.
Get out of there! Get out of there! We're going to be fine.
Get out! You did some real good thinking in there.
I mean, this is.
You could still catch her! And merry Christmas from your Secret Santa! All right, who got Chandler? Because I need to trade.
He sees her! He's catching up to her.
She sees him! They're hugging! He's taking her purse.
That's not them.
I'll go call the police.
There they are! All right, get a room.