Harvey Beaks (2015) s02e22 Episode Script

1 [cheerful music.]
# Harvey # # Harvey # # Harvey # [ahem.]
Attention, children of Littlebark! Mind your entrance into the lake with the most appropriate of manners.
[deep inhale.]
Cannonball! Rrrrr! [bomb whistling sound.]
[overlapping shouting.]
[chatter, laughter.]
These lake parties sure are a hoot, Ms.
Paddles! Both: Whee! [both laughing.]
Things are going quite swimmingly, aren't they, Mr.
Dancing Sunflower? [gasps.]
[ringing.]
[ring.]
Patina Prim Rose Paddles.
Oh! Hello, Mum.
[quirky music.]
I hate to bother you at your [ahem.]
job, but there have been rumors flying up and down the court.
The lake you've been managing is a cesspool of filth rubbish everywhere! What? I keep a very tidy lake.
Some say it's the most tidy they have ever seen.
Oh, gah! This pizza has too much sauce! Ugh! [laughs nervously.]
Patina Paddles, you are not suited to be a lake spirit.
Now, why don't you come home so we can marry you off? I heard that Duke Dudley is available.
He has two lips now, you know! But I don't want to get married! I'm a big girl with a big-girl job! People depend on me here.
Ms.
Paddles! Come back and swim with us! [making motor sounds.]
Bbbbbbllllrrrrbbb Oh! Oh! How barbaric.
I'm coming to check in person, and if it's as savage as it sounds, then you're going to quit and marry Dudley.
He may have two glass eyes, but he can still look after you.
You stay out of my room! I-I mean my lake.
- I'm on my way.
- Fine! Good-bye, Mum! [grunting.]
[buttons beeping.]
The button's over there.
[beep.]
[panicked whimpering.]
[quirky music.]
Cannon - Ball! - Aah! Ohh Ah ah-choo! [sniffling.]
Aah! Everybody out of the lake! Out, out, out! Aah! Ugh! Out, out, out, out, out, out, out! [all grumbling.]
[quirky music intensifies.]
Sorry, Flair, you gotta hide till my mum's gone! Oh, don't give me that look, Dancing Sunflower! Ms.
Paddles, do you need any help? No, I'm fine.
I just need to get myself together before my mum arrives.
[inhales, exhales.]
[bugle fanfare.]
Aah! [music.]
Her honorable and wealthy Lady Paddles has arrived! Thank you, Geoffrey.
Patina, you look awful.
Mother! Y-you're here welcome! That was intentional.
So this is "Littlebark Lake"? The, um, pungent sewage smell is quaint.
As you can see, everything here is perfect, and I'm awfully busy.
So! How about you head back home for tea? Now, now.
I just want to observe you at work since you're so insistent on having a career instead of marrying Dudley.
You know, the doctors say his neck growth is just moderately contagious.
It's larger than a baby's fist.
Just go about your business.
It'll be like I'm not even here.
[groans.]
Um, Ms.
Paddles? Can we play in the lake now? I need this.
- Of course.
- Patina! Guests must form a single file line in order of class! Or have you forgotten proper etiquette? I was going to say that, Mum.
Go ahead.
Single file, children.
Since when did Ms.
Paddles have all these weird rules? I know! It's like we're stepping into a period drama! The pageantry, the fancy silverware, the intrigue of high court.
You're such a weird kid.
[both giggling.]
Children! Just sit still.
Both: Bbbbbbb See, Mum! I run a tight ship here.
I'll be the judge of that! Oy, Ms.
Paddles! Watch us cannonball! No jumping in the lake! Aah oh! Oh, my! Oh! Sorry! Day-old donuts! I got day-old donuts! Get 'em while they're stale! You can't sell snacks here.
What? Fascism! - She's littering! - I got it, Mum! Hey! She's distracted, everyone! Rush the lake! [overlapping shouting.]
Oh! Ooh! Did I just unplug the lake? Aaah! [all screaming.]
Aaah! Oh, good heavens! [all yelling, screaming.]
Now, this this is exactly what I knew would happen! But Mum Someone with your upbringing should not be working such a disgusting job.
Tomorrow, you're coming back home with me, and you're getting married to Dudley.
No, w-wait no! It's for your own good, dear! [somber music.]
Ms.
Paddles, don't worry.
We'll help you refill the lake! Yeah! Foo can make sweat on command.
A gift and a curse.
And I can collect rainwater in these two espresso cups I always keep handy.
Oh, good idea! You can fill the lake with your tears! My mum's right.
I'm a bad lake spirit.
You were doing great.
Why's your mom being rude? [sighs.]
Oh Mum's always been disappointed in me.
Growing up, I was a bit odd.
All my sisters just wanted to be married, but I always just wanted to be free, be my own boss.
And then I wouldn't have to listen to Mum's rules.
Aww, I can't fool her.
OW! [sighs.]
I should start packing.
Mum will want to leave early tomorrow.
Ms.
Paddles, you're trying to fit into a mold to make your mom happy.
It's like when you use a mold to bake scones you lose what makes each scone special.
I love when you bake scones.
Harvey's right.
Just do what makes you happy.
What makes me happy? I don't even know what makes me happy anymore.
[upbeat music.]
Now is not a good time for dancing! But if my goal is to make work fun, then maybe it's a perfect time for dancing! Oh, everyone! Raise a glass, and let's fill that pond! [Ms.
Paddles humming, chirping.]
# Once upon a time I lived alone inside the sun # # Where nobody could see me and I never could have fun # # Everyone complaining it's too hot to visit # # Everyone campaigning me to pack my bags up # # Then one day I heard you knocking on my flaming door # # Complete with waves of motion # # That you picked up on your shore # # Now we're cooling off and having better weather # # Playing in the shade and having fun together # # And now I know I have a friend in you # # One who's always ready at the cue # # Now you may be in over your head # # To sail these plains with me full speed ahead # [snoring.]
I'm up, I'm up, I'm up! I'm up-I'm up-I'm up.
I'm Well, I'd say that's a decent amount of work for one night! What do you say we call her done? But it's still half-empty! True, but guess what.
I'm the new lake spirit, and I say it's half-full! And all thanks to you! And you! And you! And you, and you, and you, and you, and you! And aah! Not you! I knew you would fail.
Why, Mumsy, whatever do you mean? Well, the lake is half-empty.
Well, I prefer to call it half-full! Oh, dear, I forgot you were such a clever girl.
- Thank you! - Clever girls never marry rich.
Geoffrey! Fire up the forklift! We need to hoist Patina out of this pit and put her in her proper place back home so she can get ready for Dudley.
[sighs.]
Ohh [somber music.]
That'll do Geoffrey, thank you! Now, let's get you back home, get you cleaned up and fix up all of that horrible dental work you've had done.
Stop it, Mother! I'm not going! Dear, you're hysterical! I'm not hysterical, Mother.
I'm living my life! [upbeat music.]
[ahem.]
I just want to be me! From now on, everyone should be themselves! Now, jump in! And have fun! [excited shouting.]
Hee hee hee hee! Both: Yay! Ha ha ha! [music.]
I'm naked! So let me get this straight, 'cause this is an awful lot to comprehend you actually like it here? Well, it may not be very posh, but it suits me.
Well, no one will argue with you on that, dear, I can assure you.
Besides, I could bet all my crumpets that you'll screw up again next week, and I'll have to come back anyway.
But I love you my third unmarried daughter from a desperately unhappy marriage.
Thank you, Mum! [kids whooping, cheering.]
Madame may I? If you must, Geoffrey.
Ooh, goody gumdrops! [all giggling, chattering.]
[upbeat music.]
Thanks for helping me find a new toaster cover, Dade.
Of course, pal! I mean, who wants to see their appliances exposed, right? It's just plain obscene.
So anyways, I was tellin' Wade, there's no such thing as magenta! But he just sprayed me with the hose, so I put hot sauce in his toothpaste - to teach him a lesson.
- Huh? A magic kit! Wooooow! [dreamy chords.]
[dramatic music.]
[snarling.]
[snarling.]
[cheers and applause.]
Me-ow! Coooool! All right, I think I got some good options here.
[gasps.]
[hoarse, gravel voice.]
Magic! Oh, heavens, no! [edgy music.]
Ugh! Whoa! A video! [dynamic music.]
Hello.
I'm the Amazing Andy.
And welcome to the world [snaps.]
of magic.
What I am about to reveal to you is [whispering.]
top ssssecret! [gasps.]
Dad! Don't come in here for a sec! Okay! Before we begin, you will need your waaaa [gagging, gasping.]
Now that you have your wand, we will recite the first and most important rule of magic.
Never reveal how a trick is done! Not even to your friends! Not my friends? What about my mom? No! Not even to your grandmother! What about my sister? She's still a baby.
No babies! No! Can you hear me? [static.]
You must swear by the wand! Tell no one! I swear by this wand I'll tell no one.
Good.
Now let us begin! Da da da, burning some bad books [humming.]
Huh?! Magic show? [whimpers.]
Ehh Oh, boy, this is the most exciting thing - to happen to me - Let's Abraca-DO this! I can't wait to get started! Whoo-hoo-whoo-hoo-ha! [click.]
[dramatic instrumentals.]
The show is starting! Where's Harvey? I haven't seen him all day.
He might be dead.
[music.]
[both gasp.]
There was no one there, and now there is! Sacre bleu! With a touch of this magic wand, I will make this ordinary red ball come alive! [dramatic music plays.]
- What!? - Oh, my gosh it's floating.
You guys, the ball's floating! [crowd oohing.]
- Wah! Balls shouldn't be coming alive! What kind of ritual is this!? All: Ooh! Aaah! Thank you! Thank you! Stop this instant! Floating orbs? Magic wands? You you've become a-a dark wizard! - Oh? - No, not you! Harvey! [dramatic musical sting.]
A dark wizard? Harvey! Turn Dade into a butt! What? No, Foo! Harvey's soul is in danger! Dade? You're acting the same way you do when there's an ice skating show on TV.
Is something wrong? The magic kit! It's making you put on strange clothes and perform dark arts! It's corrupting you!! But it's just for fun! See? There's a little magic behind your ear! Aah! It's not real Dade, it's just a trick! Well, then prove it! Show me how you did that! Uhhh [dreamy chords.]
Amazing Harvey you've broken our most sacred oath! But all I showed him was the "what's behind your ear?" trick! [all gasp.]
[vomiting.]
Your punishment shall be Oh, yes, very good, Jessica! 100 years in magic prison! Wait! No! I can explain! Please! No! Nooooooooo! [magic jury gasps.]
I'm sorry Dade, but I can't tell you.
I swore an oath.
Oh, it's okay, buddy.
We'll get through this.
Aaaaahhh! We are gathered here today to repel the dark forces that have taken over our dear friend Harvey.
Hee hee hee.
Harvey, do you just want me to punch Dade and untie you? It's okay, Fee, Dade's just workin' through some stuff.
Give back my friend, oh spirits of sorcery! Is that what this is about? Just the magic tricks? The dark forces take many forms and twice as many victims! And I will NOT let Harvey be one of them! And that is why I have put together this anti-magic kit.
"Billy and the Do-Good Boys"? That's a baby show! It's a wonderful kids' show full of valuable life lessons! And Patrick the Potato is a great minority representative! Yeah, if you're Irish.
We shall begin the cleansing ceremony with wholesome Good Boy Apple Juice.
- Dade - Demon arts begone! Mmm.
It tastes organic! [slurping.]
[mumbling.]
Next sugar-free Greek yogurt on your one sweet little head to remind you that taste can be good without being too sweet.
And now, the final step to purification.
The power of Kratz compels you! Whoa-oa! The power of Kratz compels you!! Whoa-oa! [thud.]
Ow! Now, Harvey, prove to me this magic isn't real.
Show me it's just a trick.
Show me that you're still good, that you're still my friend.
All right, Dade.
It's not dark magic.
The secret is Never reveal how a trick is done not even to your friends! [sighs.]
The secret is it's Abracamazing.
Harvey [sighs.]
Untie him, Fee.
- Ow! - Sorry, dude.
Thought I heard "punch you and untie him.
" I'm sorry, Harvey.
I can't hang out with you anymore if you're a dark wizard.
But we're supposed to plant perennials in my parents' garden tomorrow! Not if we're planting them with evil wizard hands.
No more knitting sweaters for homeless flowers? [soft music.]
- [thud.]
- [gulps.]
No no more Origami Sundays? [whimpers.]
[paper rustles.]
Good-bye best friend.
Dade, Wait! [sobbing.]
Daaannng! The only magic I did today was make our friendship disappear.
[music.]
[owl hoots.]
[soft music continues.]
Oh, hello.
There are a bunch of you guys, huh? Waah! Don't drop me, don't drop me, don't drop me, don't drop me! [birds cooing softly.]
Uhh oomph! Uh eh Where am I? [whimsical music.]
Wha oh oh, hey, hey hey, uh, hi! Shoo! Shoo! Oh, you poor child! Those untrained birds must've stolen you away! Bad doves! Bad! [whispering.]
I told you to bring me a chicken Panini! This is a child! So, since you're here if you have any parties coming up, I'm a great performer! - I'm - The Amazing Andy! I have your magic kit! Oh, my gosh! I sold one? Dynamite! So, uh, if you're still looking to hire, I can throw in a free dove.
Actually, sir, I have a confession.
I I hurt someone with magic.
Oh, uh Were you one of the kids that bought the sawing in half set? Because, uh, if so, we can settle this out of court! I couldn't break the oath.
All I could break was our friendship!! Ohhhh.
A friend.
I see [cooing.]
I just wanted to do magic for people But then I lost Dade.
I can't be a magician anymore! I can't handle this burden! Oh! No, no! Don't cry! Because there's a strawberry mint behind your earless head! Oh, actually this is my dinner.
[sighs.]
It's a shame you're giving up on magic.
There're so many good things it has to offer! - Who's that? - Oh, that's Constance.
We toured the world together.
We were best friends.
She knew where every knife, nickel, and hanky was stashed.
There was nothing we didn't share.
You told her how to do the magic tricks? But what about the oath? Of course I told her.
We were a team! But she quit to be a standup comedian slash hand model.
Sure, I was disappointed.
But friends never give up on each other! The only thing greater than magic is friendship.
And to a lesser extent, love.
Which I've never known.
[click.]
[dramatic instrumentals.]
[crowd cheering, overlapping shouting.]
Thank you! Now, before we start the show, I'd like to introduce you to my new assistant, the only other soul who knows my magical secrets! Please give a warm welcome to my dear friend, the righteous Dade! - Yeah! - Wow! [applause, whooping.]
Thanks, buddy.
[upbeat dramatic music.]