I Dream of Jeannie (1965) s03e17 Episode Script
Genie, Genie, Who's Got the Genie? (2)
[.]
MAN [OVER SPEAKER.]
: Three, two, one, zero.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER RADIO.]
There's gotta be some way of stopping that thing.
Jeannie! Jeannie! Beautiful.
Just beautiful.
Oh.
Roger, Jeannie's locked in the moon safe.
She She's on her way to the moon.
Every time I see one of those things, I get a lump in my throat.
She was counting on us, Roger, and we let her down.
Look at that thing move.
Don't you understand?! Jeannie's gone.
Uh, no, she No, she isn't.
What a perfect blastoff.
We let her down, Roger.
She's gonna be up there all alone.
She's gonna be helpless.
She What'd you say? You know the moon safe Jeannie was locked in? Yeah? Well, it wasn't loaded in the rocket.
What are you talking about? I saw it on the tar They brought it out.
No, something else.
No, no.
Jeannie's right here in the safe, right here.
I made a switch.
You're kidding! You did?! [LAUGHS.]
Really? Where is she? She's in the final assembly room.
What's gotten into you? Come on! Ah, what a beautiful, beautiful Come on! ROGER: Wait.
Wait a minute.
TONY: Roge Just relax.
I know exactly where it is.
Look, there's no prob Oh.
What are you doing over there? Tony, relax.
I told you there's no problem.
I left it right over here and Oh.
Oh, wait a minute.
Oh, it was right here.
The Professor and Charley were trying to get it open.
The Professor and Charley? You left Jeannie with them? They're safecrackers.
They're professional criminals.
But they're working for us.
Why would they wanna steal it? Those dirty crooks.
That's what crooks do.
They steal things.
Ah.
Wait till they open it up and find Jeannie inside.
Boy, are they in for a surprise.
Whoo.
Not what I'm worried about.
What do you mean? Well, if they try to force that safe open or even get the combination wrong, it'll explode.
What are we gonna do? Come on.
[.]
[.]
[.]
What do you think, Professor? I think I got it figured out.
What do you mean, you think? Come on, try it.
You You heard what the major said.
We turn the numbers to the right combination, we get what's in the safe.
CHARLEY: Right.
We turn the numbers to the wrong combination, and we get blown up.
I would give anything to know what's in there.
Some technical thing that ain't worth a nickel.
No, I have a feeling that whatever's in there is priceless.
CHARLEY: But what good is it gonna do us if it's in the safe and we can't get it open? What good is it going to do us if it blows us to pieces? One wrong number and "pa-chow!" You mean you believe that, uh "Pa-chow!" I ain't been to college, Professor, but even I know a con job when I hear one.
Oh? Come on, give me this thing.
Go ahead, you You try it.
I will.
[WHISTLING.]
Where you going? I'll wait for you outside.
You wait right here.
Here.
[STAMMERS.]
[SIGHS.]
Here goes.
One wrong number? That's what the major said.
[LAUGHS.]
He was bluffing.
Pfft.
[LAUGHS.]
Here goes.
Did you try it yet? What? Did you try it yet? No.
But I will, I will.
[GASPS.]
Hah Professor, Professor.
What's the matter? Ticktock, ticktock.
What do you mean, ticktock? Ticktock, ticktock.
Ticktock, ticktock? [WHIMPERS.]
[.]
There must be some way to find those crooks.
How about an ad in the San Quentin Journal? Hey.
We go to the Pink Horse, that's where we met 'em.
How do we know they're there? Because that's their hangout.
And besides, it's the only thing I could think of.
[.]
BELLOWS: Uh, Major Nelson, Major Healey.
Yes, sir.
You both must be terribly excited about the success of the moon shot.
I haven't been able to think of anything else.
Tomorrow, we should have photos from the surface of the moon.
I can't wait to see them.
Neither can we.
If you'll excuse us, sir, we have someone to meet.
Yeah, we have this deal locked up, and it's [PHONE RINGING.]
Uh Oh, uh, uh, Major Nelson, your phone.
Major? [.]
Professor, we either open the safe or we don't, but this is crazy.
Please, Charley, use your imagination.
Something's valuable in that, right? Right.
Well, the major will pay plenty for them, whether it's open or not.
Because one thing Shh.
BELLOWS: Hello? He's on, here.
Hello.
Hello.
Now, you listen to me.
Keep your mouth shut.
We have got your safe.
Safe? What safe? Who is this? The moon safe, chum.
And if you ever expect to see it again, you'll follow instructions implicitly.
No, you listen.
This is a government installation.
Trying to start a joke around here can get you into trouble.
Look here.
This is no joke.
You do exactly what we say and follow instructions or we'll blow the safe up.
Fine, blow it up.
[LINE CLICKS.]
Excuse me I hate practical jokers.
He said, "Go ahead, blow it up.
" I'm getting I don't know what this country's coming to.
I mean, the government's not willing to pay ransom for a valuable piece of property.
That's why taxes are so high.
We've got a white elephant on our hands.
We can't open the safe, and nobody else wants it.
Professor, let's get rid of it.
Guess we've got no other choice, huh? [SIGHS.]
I tell you, this is enough to make a guy turn honest, you know what I mean? Oh.
Uh, could you help us, please? Yes.
What'll it be, gents? We're here on official Air Force business.
Uh, if you could give us some information.
We're looking for a couple of guys named the Professor and, uh, Charley.
Do you happen to know where they live? Ah.
How should I know? You don't have to register here to get a drink.
[LAUGHS.]
Don't I know you guys? Withholding information from a federal agency is a crime, you know? That's Section 102, Area Code 213 All right, Roge.
ZIP code I don't know where they live.
They just come in here every once in a while, that's all.
Shall we take him in or you think he's telling the truth? I think he's telling the truth.
All right, we'll wait over here.
Come on, Roge.
You gonna wait till they come in? That's right.
That's right.
Two black coffees.
They might not be in for days.
Well, make that four black coffees.
Yeah, but So? [.]
Ten bucks.
Ten bucks? For a valuable piece of property like this? Wha? Look how heavy it is.
Look.
Oh! WOMAN: What am I gonna do with a safe that doesn't even open? Well, you could use it for, uh, a paperweight.
Yeah, paperweight.
Nothing but scrap.
Ten bucks.
All right, we'll take it.
What, take it? You give it.
It's gonna cost me that to have it hauled away.
For heaven's sakes.
[.]
Good morning.
NASA.
Just a moment please.
Uh, get me General Ashley in Honolulu, would you, Miss Temple? I'll take it in my office.
Good morning.
NASA.
A moon safe? Uh, I beg your pardon.
What did you say? Just a moment, please.
There's someone calling about a moon safe.
Oh, I warned them.
Plug me in, I'll take it.
On four, sir.
This is Dr.
Bellows.
I've got an article here that's marked, uh, "moon safe.
" "Property of NASA" stenciled on it.
You want it back or shall I scrap it? I don't think this is funny.
Well, neither do I.
It's taking up a lot of room.
Uh, miss, it isn't possible that you? Uh, hold on a moment, will you? Uh, get me Captain Stewart.
Captain Stewart, Dr.
Bellows.
On six, sir.
Uh, hello, Captain Stewart.
This is Dr.
Bellows.
Listen, you saw the moon safe being loaded on the rocket, didn't you? Uh-huh.
I did too.
Uh, no, no, no.
There's nothing wrong.
It's, uh I'm just double-checking.
Well, thank you.
Goodbye.
Hello, miss.
About that safe Scrap it.
Get me General Ashley.
Well, it's the crusher for you.
[QUIETLY.]
Crusher? Want another cup of coffee, Roge? No, I'm half-Brazilian now.
Hey, waiter.
They're here.
They're here.
Let's get 'em.
No, no, no, play it cool.
I don't want 'em to make a run for it.
Yeah, play it cool.
You better get outta here.
You're hot.
The fuzz? More like two escapees from a nut house.
Over there in the corner.
Hey, come on, uh, we can make it out the back.
Hold it.
I think I see a chance for us to turn a profit.
Come along, Charley.
They're coming over, Tony.
Now, remember, play it cool.
Yeah.
Play it cool.
PROFESSOR: Well, gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, how very nice to see you again.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
I'm sorry we missed connections earlier.
Yeah.
All right, where is it? We gave it to We gave it to, uh, somebody for safekeeping.
How much is it worth to you? It's worth Wait a minute.
Know the penalty for stealing government property? Uh-huh.
About the same as the penalty for someone who is an accomplice to someone who steals government property.
Now, wait a minute.
We didn't ask you to steal it, we just asked you to open it.
Forget it, Roger.
I'll give you everything I got.
Oh, now, you're talking.
How much is that? Uh, I've got 15 here.
Take it, Professor, take it.
That's five clear profit.
Here's another 5.
That's 20.
Are you trying to insult us? The price is 20,000.
Here's another 5, that's 25.
That's 25.
Fine, 25,000.
Twenty-five thousand Twenty-five thousand? I don't have that kind of money.
Sorry, we cannot do business, I'm afraid.
TONY: Yeah, but wait a minute, Professor.
CHARLEY: Professor, take the money.
Take the money.
Oh, good thinking.
You know, I'm not very hard to do business with.
Okay, $25.
Oh, hi, Professor, Charley.
Uh, Annie, I would like to talk to you.
Well, if it's about that safe, forget it.
I've already sent it to Harry's Scrap Yard.
BOTH: Harry's Scrap Yard? Excuse me, ma'am.
All right, let's go.
Master! Master, please get me out of here! Oh, master, master, please! Please get me out of here Ah! I will I will I will never be jealous again, and I will be quiet.
Oh.
I promise.
I pro Ah! I promise I'll be quiet.
I'll never drive your car.
[SOBBING.]
[SCREAMS.]
Master! [.]
[JEANNIE SCREAMS.]
TONY: Hey! Hey.
Uh, sir.
Did anybody bring a safe in here? A safe about this big? Uh, yeah, yeah, we just put it on the belt.
What belt? Uh, over there.
It goes into the crusher.
The crusher? The cru Jeannie! Jeannie! Jeannie? Oh, that's a code name for the safe.
You gotta stop that belt.
[STAMMERS.]
Well, you can't from here.
The switch is on the crusher.
Oh, the crusher.
Jeannie! Oh! Oh.
Did you see it? No, not yet.
It's gotta be here someplace.
Sorry, fellas, you're too late.
It's already gone through.
Gone through what? Through the crusher.
Would have come out the other side.
You wanna take a look? No.
It'll probably look, about, oh, like a sardine can.
I once put an automobile through there.
Come out, oh, Fine, sir.
Size of a cigar box.
Why, I've even seen 'em take a A What's the matter with him? [.]
[SOBBING.]
Mama! She's gone.
I'll never see her again, Roge.
[.]
Do you remember how she used to knock on her bottle to get you to take the cork off? [BOTH SIGH.]
And that pretty pink smoke would come out.
Yeah, and there she'd be, just smiling and happy.
Then she'd say, "How can I serve you, master?" And you'd say, "By getting back in the bottle and staying there.
" She was good, Roge.
Yeah.
I didn't deserve her.
Ah, no You were rotten.
You were rotten, all right.
You want another one? Maybe I will have one more.
What do you know? Hello, space agency? No.
This is Harry's Scrap Yard.
Uh, listen, a couple of your officers were over here yesterday asking about a safe.
Just a moment please.
[INTERCOM BUZZES.]
Dr.
Bellows, it's someone about the safe again.
Will you take it, sir? Your party's on the line, sir.
[INTERCOM BUZZES.]
Good morning, Sue.
Good morning, Major Healey.
Thank you, I hope this coffee is good and black this morning.
I could really use it.
Good morning.
NASA.
I'm warning you, mister, if we get one more prank phone call about that safe I'll have our security police, the CIA and the FBI on your neck so fast, you won't know what hit you.
Now, you said you were gonna scrap it.
Well, scrap it! [LINE CLICKS.]
Well, that's our government.
Yesterday, it was valuable.
Today, it's obsolete.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Come in.
Good morning, sir.
Here are the impact photos, sir.
Oh, good, let me see them.
Perfect landing.
There's only one peculiar thing.
Yeah? What's that? We can't find the moon safe.
What do you mean, you can't find it? Probably buried in a dust drift.
No, sir.
It's not there.
Miss Temple, the man who called about that safe.
Did he say where he was? Yes, sir.
Uh, Harry's Scrap Yard.
What did you say? Harry's Scrap Yard.
Harry's Scrap Yard?! Shh.
Yes, sir.
This is most urgent, Miss Temple.
Find the number and call him back.
Tell him not to touch that safe until I get there.
Oh, uh, excuse me.
Oh, uh, Stewart, don't let those photos out of your sight.
Yes, sir.
So, what about Harry's Scrap Yard? I don't know, he wants me to call.
Who wants you to call them? Dr.
Bellows.
Dr.
Bellows? Miss Temple, did you get him? I'm looking it up.
Oh, Dr.
Bellows, what about Harry's Scrap Yard? You won't believe this, Major Healey.
You won't believe it.
But the moon safe, our moon safe, is in some place called Harry's Scrap Yard.
I gotta get there before they crush it.
Oh! Oh, you have Oh.
Oh.
Oh Major Major Healey! That safe is supposed to be on the moon.
I see no reason to celebrate.
Keep trying, Miss Temple.
Keep trying, Miss Temple.
Oh, wait for me, wait for me.
Colonel? Dr.
Bellows.
[.]
JEANNIE: Help! I can even hear her voice.
JEANNIE: Help! Jeannie? Jeannie, is that you? Master? Well, where are you? JEANNIE: I am in the safe.
Huh? In the safe? Where? [GASPS.]
You're in here.
I can't believe it.
You mean, you weren't crushed? You? You're not as big as a little cigar box? Oh, master, please get me out of here.
Don't you worry.
Don't you worry, I will.
Make it soon, please.
Are you certain that safe is all right? Yeah, sure.
Your girl called me just in time.
It's right over there.
Jeannie, I never knew how much you meant to me until this happened.
I'm never gonna let you out of my sight again.
Look, I I brought you some flowers.
TONY: As soon as I get you out of here, I'm gonna take you out to dinner.
I'm gonna buy you the best candlelight dinner A candlelight dinner? Uh, well, I I can explain, sir.
It, uh BELLOWS: Explain? Being in love with a safe? They haven't even got a name for that one.
[.]
All right, major, are you sure you understand why I'm leaving this safe in your office? Yes, sir, because I asked you to.
Mm.
And, um why did I agree? Because you want me to realize that the safe is an inanimate object and it's silly for me to think I'm in love with it.
Excellent.
I think we're making progress.
Now, just keep repeating to yourself, "It's just a safe.
It's just a safe.
" [CLEARS THROAT.]
It's just a safe.
It's just a safe.
Master? Shhh! Ah, ah, ah.
Major, no backsliding.
It's just a safe.
Just Just a safe.
Jeannie, you've got to be more careful.
I am sorry, master, it's just that I hate it in here.
When are you going to get me out? Any second now.
I just sent Roger to find a Mr.
Charles Fries.
Who is Mr.
Charles Fries? Well, he's the guy who invented this thing.
He's gonna open it for us.
Oh, master, you are brilliant! Thanks, Jeannie.
ROGER: He's here, Tony.
Ah.
This is Mr.
Charles Fries.
Oh, boy, am I glad to see you.
How do you do? Yeah.
There it is, beautiful.
She's my masterpiece.
ROGER: Could you open it? We'd like to look inside.
What classic lines.
What artistry of design.
Yeah, well, if anybody can open this, you can, is that right? That's right, major, and I can't.
What? Gentlemen, when Charles Fries designs a safe to stay locked, it stays locked.
Well, somebody's gotta be able to open it.
Of course.
If you have the combination, you can open it.
Well, who has it? The president The president? Of the United States.
Of the United States? Of the United States? [GASPS.]
Jeannie? Jeannie?! [.]
[.]
MAN [OVER SPEAKER.]
: Three, two, one, zero.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER RADIO.]
There's gotta be some way of stopping that thing.
Jeannie! Jeannie! Beautiful.
Just beautiful.
Oh.
Roger, Jeannie's locked in the moon safe.
She She's on her way to the moon.
Every time I see one of those things, I get a lump in my throat.
She was counting on us, Roger, and we let her down.
Look at that thing move.
Don't you understand?! Jeannie's gone.
Uh, no, she No, she isn't.
What a perfect blastoff.
We let her down, Roger.
She's gonna be up there all alone.
She's gonna be helpless.
She What'd you say? You know the moon safe Jeannie was locked in? Yeah? Well, it wasn't loaded in the rocket.
What are you talking about? I saw it on the tar They brought it out.
No, something else.
No, no.
Jeannie's right here in the safe, right here.
I made a switch.
You're kidding! You did?! [LAUGHS.]
Really? Where is she? She's in the final assembly room.
What's gotten into you? Come on! Ah, what a beautiful, beautiful Come on! ROGER: Wait.
Wait a minute.
TONY: Roge Just relax.
I know exactly where it is.
Look, there's no prob Oh.
What are you doing over there? Tony, relax.
I told you there's no problem.
I left it right over here and Oh.
Oh, wait a minute.
Oh, it was right here.
The Professor and Charley were trying to get it open.
The Professor and Charley? You left Jeannie with them? They're safecrackers.
They're professional criminals.
But they're working for us.
Why would they wanna steal it? Those dirty crooks.
That's what crooks do.
They steal things.
Ah.
Wait till they open it up and find Jeannie inside.
Boy, are they in for a surprise.
Whoo.
Not what I'm worried about.
What do you mean? Well, if they try to force that safe open or even get the combination wrong, it'll explode.
What are we gonna do? Come on.
[.]
[.]
[.]
What do you think, Professor? I think I got it figured out.
What do you mean, you think? Come on, try it.
You You heard what the major said.
We turn the numbers to the right combination, we get what's in the safe.
CHARLEY: Right.
We turn the numbers to the wrong combination, and we get blown up.
I would give anything to know what's in there.
Some technical thing that ain't worth a nickel.
No, I have a feeling that whatever's in there is priceless.
CHARLEY: But what good is it gonna do us if it's in the safe and we can't get it open? What good is it going to do us if it blows us to pieces? One wrong number and "pa-chow!" You mean you believe that, uh "Pa-chow!" I ain't been to college, Professor, but even I know a con job when I hear one.
Oh? Come on, give me this thing.
Go ahead, you You try it.
I will.
[WHISTLING.]
Where you going? I'll wait for you outside.
You wait right here.
Here.
[STAMMERS.]
[SIGHS.]
Here goes.
One wrong number? That's what the major said.
[LAUGHS.]
He was bluffing.
Pfft.
[LAUGHS.]
Here goes.
Did you try it yet? What? Did you try it yet? No.
But I will, I will.
[GASPS.]
Hah Professor, Professor.
What's the matter? Ticktock, ticktock.
What do you mean, ticktock? Ticktock, ticktock.
Ticktock, ticktock? [WHIMPERS.]
[.]
There must be some way to find those crooks.
How about an ad in the San Quentin Journal? Hey.
We go to the Pink Horse, that's where we met 'em.
How do we know they're there? Because that's their hangout.
And besides, it's the only thing I could think of.
[.]
BELLOWS: Uh, Major Nelson, Major Healey.
Yes, sir.
You both must be terribly excited about the success of the moon shot.
I haven't been able to think of anything else.
Tomorrow, we should have photos from the surface of the moon.
I can't wait to see them.
Neither can we.
If you'll excuse us, sir, we have someone to meet.
Yeah, we have this deal locked up, and it's [PHONE RINGING.]
Uh Oh, uh, uh, Major Nelson, your phone.
Major? [.]
Professor, we either open the safe or we don't, but this is crazy.
Please, Charley, use your imagination.
Something's valuable in that, right? Right.
Well, the major will pay plenty for them, whether it's open or not.
Because one thing Shh.
BELLOWS: Hello? He's on, here.
Hello.
Hello.
Now, you listen to me.
Keep your mouth shut.
We have got your safe.
Safe? What safe? Who is this? The moon safe, chum.
And if you ever expect to see it again, you'll follow instructions implicitly.
No, you listen.
This is a government installation.
Trying to start a joke around here can get you into trouble.
Look here.
This is no joke.
You do exactly what we say and follow instructions or we'll blow the safe up.
Fine, blow it up.
[LINE CLICKS.]
Excuse me I hate practical jokers.
He said, "Go ahead, blow it up.
" I'm getting I don't know what this country's coming to.
I mean, the government's not willing to pay ransom for a valuable piece of property.
That's why taxes are so high.
We've got a white elephant on our hands.
We can't open the safe, and nobody else wants it.
Professor, let's get rid of it.
Guess we've got no other choice, huh? [SIGHS.]
I tell you, this is enough to make a guy turn honest, you know what I mean? Oh.
Uh, could you help us, please? Yes.
What'll it be, gents? We're here on official Air Force business.
Uh, if you could give us some information.
We're looking for a couple of guys named the Professor and, uh, Charley.
Do you happen to know where they live? Ah.
How should I know? You don't have to register here to get a drink.
[LAUGHS.]
Don't I know you guys? Withholding information from a federal agency is a crime, you know? That's Section 102, Area Code 213 All right, Roge.
ZIP code I don't know where they live.
They just come in here every once in a while, that's all.
Shall we take him in or you think he's telling the truth? I think he's telling the truth.
All right, we'll wait over here.
Come on, Roge.
You gonna wait till they come in? That's right.
That's right.
Two black coffees.
They might not be in for days.
Well, make that four black coffees.
Yeah, but So? [.]
Ten bucks.
Ten bucks? For a valuable piece of property like this? Wha? Look how heavy it is.
Look.
Oh! WOMAN: What am I gonna do with a safe that doesn't even open? Well, you could use it for, uh, a paperweight.
Yeah, paperweight.
Nothing but scrap.
Ten bucks.
All right, we'll take it.
What, take it? You give it.
It's gonna cost me that to have it hauled away.
For heaven's sakes.
[.]
Good morning.
NASA.
Just a moment please.
Uh, get me General Ashley in Honolulu, would you, Miss Temple? I'll take it in my office.
Good morning.
NASA.
A moon safe? Uh, I beg your pardon.
What did you say? Just a moment, please.
There's someone calling about a moon safe.
Oh, I warned them.
Plug me in, I'll take it.
On four, sir.
This is Dr.
Bellows.
I've got an article here that's marked, uh, "moon safe.
" "Property of NASA" stenciled on it.
You want it back or shall I scrap it? I don't think this is funny.
Well, neither do I.
It's taking up a lot of room.
Uh, miss, it isn't possible that you? Uh, hold on a moment, will you? Uh, get me Captain Stewart.
Captain Stewart, Dr.
Bellows.
On six, sir.
Uh, hello, Captain Stewart.
This is Dr.
Bellows.
Listen, you saw the moon safe being loaded on the rocket, didn't you? Uh-huh.
I did too.
Uh, no, no, no.
There's nothing wrong.
It's, uh I'm just double-checking.
Well, thank you.
Goodbye.
Hello, miss.
About that safe Scrap it.
Get me General Ashley.
Well, it's the crusher for you.
[QUIETLY.]
Crusher? Want another cup of coffee, Roge? No, I'm half-Brazilian now.
Hey, waiter.
They're here.
They're here.
Let's get 'em.
No, no, no, play it cool.
I don't want 'em to make a run for it.
Yeah, play it cool.
You better get outta here.
You're hot.
The fuzz? More like two escapees from a nut house.
Over there in the corner.
Hey, come on, uh, we can make it out the back.
Hold it.
I think I see a chance for us to turn a profit.
Come along, Charley.
They're coming over, Tony.
Now, remember, play it cool.
Yeah.
Play it cool.
PROFESSOR: Well, gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, how very nice to see you again.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
I'm sorry we missed connections earlier.
Yeah.
All right, where is it? We gave it to We gave it to, uh, somebody for safekeeping.
How much is it worth to you? It's worth Wait a minute.
Know the penalty for stealing government property? Uh-huh.
About the same as the penalty for someone who is an accomplice to someone who steals government property.
Now, wait a minute.
We didn't ask you to steal it, we just asked you to open it.
Forget it, Roger.
I'll give you everything I got.
Oh, now, you're talking.
How much is that? Uh, I've got 15 here.
Take it, Professor, take it.
That's five clear profit.
Here's another 5.
That's 20.
Are you trying to insult us? The price is 20,000.
Here's another 5, that's 25.
That's 25.
Fine, 25,000.
Twenty-five thousand Twenty-five thousand? I don't have that kind of money.
Sorry, we cannot do business, I'm afraid.
TONY: Yeah, but wait a minute, Professor.
CHARLEY: Professor, take the money.
Take the money.
Oh, good thinking.
You know, I'm not very hard to do business with.
Okay, $25.
Oh, hi, Professor, Charley.
Uh, Annie, I would like to talk to you.
Well, if it's about that safe, forget it.
I've already sent it to Harry's Scrap Yard.
BOTH: Harry's Scrap Yard? Excuse me, ma'am.
All right, let's go.
Master! Master, please get me out of here! Oh, master, master, please! Please get me out of here Ah! I will I will I will never be jealous again, and I will be quiet.
Oh.
I promise.
I pro Ah! I promise I'll be quiet.
I'll never drive your car.
[SOBBING.]
[SCREAMS.]
Master! [.]
[JEANNIE SCREAMS.]
TONY: Hey! Hey.
Uh, sir.
Did anybody bring a safe in here? A safe about this big? Uh, yeah, yeah, we just put it on the belt.
What belt? Uh, over there.
It goes into the crusher.
The crusher? The cru Jeannie! Jeannie! Jeannie? Oh, that's a code name for the safe.
You gotta stop that belt.
[STAMMERS.]
Well, you can't from here.
The switch is on the crusher.
Oh, the crusher.
Jeannie! Oh! Oh.
Did you see it? No, not yet.
It's gotta be here someplace.
Sorry, fellas, you're too late.
It's already gone through.
Gone through what? Through the crusher.
Would have come out the other side.
You wanna take a look? No.
It'll probably look, about, oh, like a sardine can.
I once put an automobile through there.
Come out, oh, Fine, sir.
Size of a cigar box.
Why, I've even seen 'em take a A What's the matter with him? [.]
[SOBBING.]
Mama! She's gone.
I'll never see her again, Roge.
[.]
Do you remember how she used to knock on her bottle to get you to take the cork off? [BOTH SIGH.]
And that pretty pink smoke would come out.
Yeah, and there she'd be, just smiling and happy.
Then she'd say, "How can I serve you, master?" And you'd say, "By getting back in the bottle and staying there.
" She was good, Roge.
Yeah.
I didn't deserve her.
Ah, no You were rotten.
You were rotten, all right.
You want another one? Maybe I will have one more.
What do you know? Hello, space agency? No.
This is Harry's Scrap Yard.
Uh, listen, a couple of your officers were over here yesterday asking about a safe.
Just a moment please.
[INTERCOM BUZZES.]
Dr.
Bellows, it's someone about the safe again.
Will you take it, sir? Your party's on the line, sir.
[INTERCOM BUZZES.]
Good morning, Sue.
Good morning, Major Healey.
Thank you, I hope this coffee is good and black this morning.
I could really use it.
Good morning.
NASA.
I'm warning you, mister, if we get one more prank phone call about that safe I'll have our security police, the CIA and the FBI on your neck so fast, you won't know what hit you.
Now, you said you were gonna scrap it.
Well, scrap it! [LINE CLICKS.]
Well, that's our government.
Yesterday, it was valuable.
Today, it's obsolete.
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
Come in.
Good morning, sir.
Here are the impact photos, sir.
Oh, good, let me see them.
Perfect landing.
There's only one peculiar thing.
Yeah? What's that? We can't find the moon safe.
What do you mean, you can't find it? Probably buried in a dust drift.
No, sir.
It's not there.
Miss Temple, the man who called about that safe.
Did he say where he was? Yes, sir.
Uh, Harry's Scrap Yard.
What did you say? Harry's Scrap Yard.
Harry's Scrap Yard?! Shh.
Yes, sir.
This is most urgent, Miss Temple.
Find the number and call him back.
Tell him not to touch that safe until I get there.
Oh, uh, excuse me.
Oh, uh, Stewart, don't let those photos out of your sight.
Yes, sir.
So, what about Harry's Scrap Yard? I don't know, he wants me to call.
Who wants you to call them? Dr.
Bellows.
Dr.
Bellows? Miss Temple, did you get him? I'm looking it up.
Oh, Dr.
Bellows, what about Harry's Scrap Yard? You won't believe this, Major Healey.
You won't believe it.
But the moon safe, our moon safe, is in some place called Harry's Scrap Yard.
I gotta get there before they crush it.
Oh! Oh, you have Oh.
Oh.
Oh Major Major Healey! That safe is supposed to be on the moon.
I see no reason to celebrate.
Keep trying, Miss Temple.
Keep trying, Miss Temple.
Oh, wait for me, wait for me.
Colonel? Dr.
Bellows.
[.]
JEANNIE: Help! I can even hear her voice.
JEANNIE: Help! Jeannie? Jeannie, is that you? Master? Well, where are you? JEANNIE: I am in the safe.
Huh? In the safe? Where? [GASPS.]
You're in here.
I can't believe it.
You mean, you weren't crushed? You? You're not as big as a little cigar box? Oh, master, please get me out of here.
Don't you worry.
Don't you worry, I will.
Make it soon, please.
Are you certain that safe is all right? Yeah, sure.
Your girl called me just in time.
It's right over there.
Jeannie, I never knew how much you meant to me until this happened.
I'm never gonna let you out of my sight again.
Look, I I brought you some flowers.
TONY: As soon as I get you out of here, I'm gonna take you out to dinner.
I'm gonna buy you the best candlelight dinner A candlelight dinner? Uh, well, I I can explain, sir.
It, uh BELLOWS: Explain? Being in love with a safe? They haven't even got a name for that one.
[.]
All right, major, are you sure you understand why I'm leaving this safe in your office? Yes, sir, because I asked you to.
Mm.
And, um why did I agree? Because you want me to realize that the safe is an inanimate object and it's silly for me to think I'm in love with it.
Excellent.
I think we're making progress.
Now, just keep repeating to yourself, "It's just a safe.
It's just a safe.
" [CLEARS THROAT.]
It's just a safe.
It's just a safe.
Master? Shhh! Ah, ah, ah.
Major, no backsliding.
It's just a safe.
Just Just a safe.
Jeannie, you've got to be more careful.
I am sorry, master, it's just that I hate it in here.
When are you going to get me out? Any second now.
I just sent Roger to find a Mr.
Charles Fries.
Who is Mr.
Charles Fries? Well, he's the guy who invented this thing.
He's gonna open it for us.
Oh, master, you are brilliant! Thanks, Jeannie.
ROGER: He's here, Tony.
Ah.
This is Mr.
Charles Fries.
Oh, boy, am I glad to see you.
How do you do? Yeah.
There it is, beautiful.
She's my masterpiece.
ROGER: Could you open it? We'd like to look inside.
What classic lines.
What artistry of design.
Yeah, well, if anybody can open this, you can, is that right? That's right, major, and I can't.
What? Gentlemen, when Charles Fries designs a safe to stay locked, it stays locked.
Well, somebody's gotta be able to open it.
Of course.
If you have the combination, you can open it.
Well, who has it? The president The president? Of the United States.
Of the United States? Of the United States? [GASPS.]
Jeannie? Jeannie?! [.]
[.]