Keeping Up Appearances s05e06 Episode Script
The Country House Sale
( theme music playing ) OH DEAR, OH DEAR, OH DEAR.
RICHARD, WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE MATTER.
IT'S THE SALE TOMORROW.
AH, I KNOW.
I'M EXCITED TOO.
I'M NOT EXCITED, I'M TERRIFIED.
- HMM? - THE THOUGH OF YOU AT A SALE.
OH, I DO LOVE A SALE.
ESPECIALLY THE THOUGHT OF YOU AT A COUNTRY HOUSE SALE.
ESPECIALLY COUNTRY HOUSE SALES.
YOU GET CARRIED AWAY.
YOU THINK THAT BECAUSE THINGS HAVE BELONGED TO THE ARISTOCRACY, - THEY MUST BE WORTH TWICE AS MUCH.
- THE TRUTH IS, I ALWAYS THINK THAT BECAUSE THINGS HAVE BELONGED TO THE ARISTOCRACY, THEY MUST BE WORTH TWICE AS MUCH.
THERE YOU GO.
HYACINTH, YOU MUST NO GO BEYOND OUR LIMIT! SHH, RICHARD.
GO TO SLEEP, DEAR.
YOU'LL NEED ALL YOUR ENERGY FOR TOMORROW.
( banging ) WHO'S THA AT THIS HOUR? HADN'T YOU BETTER GO AND FIND OUT? ME? SUPPOSE IT'S A MAD STRANGLER? THEY DON'T USUALLY KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
IF IT WAS A MAD STRANGLER, HE'D HAVE COME THROUGH THE WINDOW, WOULDN'T HE? YOU'D STILL SEND ME DOWN EVEN IF HE DID COME THROUGH THE WINDOW.
WHY DON'T YOU GO? I'M BUSY KEEPING THE BED WARM FOR YOU.
IT'S MRS.
BRADDOCK.
OH, NOT HER AGAIN.
WHAT DOES SHE WANT NOW? SAME AS LAST TIME-- SHE SAY FATHER PROMISED TO MARRY HER.
SEND YOUR FATHER DOWN.
THERE'S NO REASON TO KEEP THE WHOLE HOUSE AWAKE JUST 'CAUSE HE'S GETTING MARRIED.
HE CAN'T STAND HER.
WHY DID HE PROMISE TO MARRY HER? HE SAYS HE DIDN'T.
HE SAID HE ONLY OFFERED HER A TEMPORARY POSITION.
I KNOW JUST HOW SHE FEELS.
( humming ) NOW HYACINTH, REMEMBER YOU PROMISED.
YOU WON' GO BEYOND OUR LIMIT.
WHAT ABOU THE HAT, DEAR? YES, WE MIGHT STRETCH AS FAR AS A SECONDHAND HAT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, A "SECONDHAND" HAT? - I BOUGHT THIS ONE NEW.
- OH, THAT HAT.
NOW RICHARD I WAN YOU TO TELL ME IF THIS LOOKS LIKE A "MINGLING-WITH THE-ARISTOCRACY" HAT.
- IT'S FINE.
FINE.
- NO, I DON'T WANT ANY SNAP JUDGMENTS.
PLEASE TRY TO REMEMBER THAT THIS WILL BE AMONG SOME VERY ARISTOCRATIC HATS.
- IT'S FAY, FAY.
- DON'T BE SILLY, DEAR.
YES, THIS COULD EASILY BE MISTAKEN FOR AN ARISTOCRATIC HAT.
JUST AS LONG AS YOU DON'T MISTAKE MY CHECKBOOK FOR AN ARISTOCRATIC CHECKBOOK.
- YOU READY? - I THINK THEY'RE GOING OUT.
I'D RATHER WAI UNTIL THE COAST IS CLEAR BEFORE WE STEP OUTSIDE.
WHY DON'T WE JUST GO BEFORE THEY COME OUT? WE MIGH BUMP INTO THEM.
SHE'LL SING AT ME.
SHE'LL RUIN MY DAY.
YOU'VE REALLY GO A THING ABOUT HYACINTH.
THAT'S BECAUSE SHE'S THE KIND OF PERSON IT IS VERY EASY TO GET A THING ABOUT.
YOU'RE A GROWN MAN.
AND SHE'S A GROAN A MINUTE.
HONESTLY, EMMET.
JUST LET YOUR MIND GO BLANK.
- I DO.
- OH, LIZ.
LIZ.
IT'S SO MUCH SIMPLER TO WAIT A FEW MOMENTS UNTIL THEY'VE GONE.
THEN THEY CAN GO THEIR WAY, AND WE CAN GO OUR WAY, AND OUR DAY WILL BE COMPLETE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THEY'RE GOING OUT? BECAUSE RICHARD'S GO THE CAR OUT.
- WELL? - VERY NICE.
"NICE," HE SAYS.
IS THAT THE BES YOU CAN MANAGE? TODAY COULD BE THE DAY I'M MISTAKEN FOR SOMEONE IMPORTANT.
IF ANYBODY SHOULD MISTAKE ME FOR SOMEONE IMPORTANT, LET THEM THINK WHAT THEY MAY.
AFTER ALL, IT'S ONLY AN ACCIDENT OF BIRTH THAT I'M NO SOMEONE IMPORTANT.
WELL, I AM SOMEONE IMPORTANT.
IT'S SIMPLY AN ACCIDENT OF BIRTH THAT I'M NO EVEN MORE IMPORTANT.
EVEN ARISTOCRATIC.
SHE SPENDS LIKE AN ARISTOCRAT.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT MRS.
BRADDOCK? - IS SHE STILL HANGING ABOUT? - I HAVEN'T SEEN HER, BUT WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT HER? IF SHE'S GOING TO MAKE THAT RACKE EVERY NIGHT, YOUR FATHER'LL HAVE TO MARRY HER.
OH, NICE.
I HOPE YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE ONE TO BREAK IT TO OUR HYACINTH.
FANCY HAVING TO TELL OUR HYACINTH FATHER'S GO TO GET MARRIED AT HIS AGE.
HOW COME HE DOESN' WANT TO MARRY HER? HE USUALLY WANTS TO MARRY EVERYBODY.
MRS.
BRADDOCK'S HORRIBLE.
EVERYBODY HE'S EVER BEEN INVOLVED WITH HAS BEEN HORRIBLE.
MAYBE HE LIKES HORRIBLE.
WELL, IT'S AMAZING HOW MANY DO.
YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT SOME OF MY GENTLEMEN FRIENDS HAVE TO GO HOME TO.
I COULD NEVER SETTLE FOR HORRIBLE.
IT ALWAYS HAS TO BE STYLISH.
THAT WAS ALL RIGH WHEN I WAS YOUNG, DAISE, BUT IT CAN BE A HECK OF A STRAIN-- THE CONSTANT BATTLE TO REMAIN ATTRACTIVE.
- CHA-CHA-CHA-CHA! - AHH! YOU SAID LEFT.
YOU SAID, "GO LEFT.
" YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT I SAID LEF WHEN I SAID RIGHT.
WHY WOULD I DO THAT? BECAUSE YOU'RE IN AN ARGUMENTATIVE MOOD, DEAR.
I NOTICED I FIRST THING THIS MORNING.
YOU WERE VERY OFFHAND ABOUT MY HAT.
ANYWAY, NOW YOU HAVE THE MAP OUT, DO YOU KNOW WHERE WE ARE? YES.
LOST.
( TV plays ) FATHER SAYS, "WOULD YOU MAKE SURE MRS.
BRADDOCK'S NOT ABOUT?" HE WANTS TO GO OUT.
AND HE DAREN'T GO OU IF MRS.
BRADDOCK'S ABOUT.
WHY DON'T YOU GO OUT AND CHECK IF MRS.
BRADDOCK'S ABOUT? SHE BITES.
AND SHE LOOKS TO ME LIKE SOMEONE WHO MIGH POSSIBLY BE SEPTIC.
AND THAT'S JUS HER FACE.
ONSLOW, WILL YOU GO OUT AND SEE IF MRS.
BRADDOCK'S ABOUT? OH, NICE.
DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE BITES ME AND TURNS ME SEPTIC.
BUT SHE WON'T BITE YOU.
SHE LIKES MEN.
SHE BITES ME.
SHE LIKES MEN.
THAT WAS BEFORE I DISCOVERED BACON SARNIES.
OH, GO ON, ONSLOW.
I'LL HOLD YOUR BACON SARNIE FOR YOU.
NO, YOU WON'T.
I'VE SEEN YOU BEFORE WITH BITS OF SOME POOR BLOKE'S BACON.
I'LL GO OUT WHEN I'VE FINISHED MY SARNIE.
Richard: WHICH WAY THIS TIME? LEFT OR RIGHT? RIGHT.
NO, LEFT.
LEFT.
NO, AS YOU WERE.
TURN RIGHT.
WATCH OUT FOR ANIMALS.
WHAT ANIMALS? I CAN'T SEE ANY ANIMALS.
THIS IS THE COUNTRYSIDE.
THERE ARE ALWAYS ANIMALS.
NEVER MIND ABOUT THE ANIMALS.
- ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY? - I'M QUITE SURE.
STOP TRYING TO CONFUSE ME, RICHARD.
I HATE I WHEN YOU CONFUSE ME.
MIND THE CAR.
THERE'S A CAR COMING.
I CAN SEE THE CAR COMING.
I BELIEVE IT'S ELIZABETH AND EMMET.
FLASH YOUR LIGHTS.
THANK HEAVENS THEY'RE GOING THE OTHER WAY.
I DIDN'T LIKE HYACINTH'S HAT.
I DIDN'T LIKE ELIZABETH'S HAT.
NEVER MIND ABOUT THE HAT.
CAN YOU SEE WHERE WE ARE ON THE MAP? YES, I HAVE MY FINGER ON THE SPOT.
WE GO ALONG HERE FOR A LITTLE WHILE, AND THEN WE COME TO SOME CROSSROADS.
SHE'S NOT OUT HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GO AND SEE IF SHE'S IN THE STREET.
STREET? NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THE STREETS.
ALL YOU SAID WAS GO AND SEE IF SHE WAS OUTSIDE.
JUST GO TO THE GATE, AND LOOK BOTH WAYS.
AND IF YOU SEE HER, TELL HER TO GO AWAY.
OH, NICE.
THE PACE OF MODERN LIFE.
BE CAREFUL.
HE'S NOT PARACHUTING INTO OCCUPIED FRANCE.
I DON'T WANT HIM INJURED.
WHY? WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD? HOW FIERCE IS THIS MRS.
BRADDOCK? SHE'S NOT FIERCE.
SHE JUST GETS A BIT EXCITED.
THINK HARD.
YOU REMEMBER EXCITED.
- ALL CLEAR.
- GREAT.
OI! ( laughing ) HE PROMISED HE'D MARRY ME.
MRS.
BRADDOCK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE CAR? WHEN YOU'RE MY AGE, YOU LIKES TO SIT DOWN.
- WHERE'S MY DOG? - RAN AWAY YELPING.
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN BITING MY DOG? NEVER TOUCHED HIM.
OH HERE, GIRL! HERE, GIRL! COME ON, GIRL.
COME ON, GIRL.
WHERE ARE YOU? I'M HERE, LOVE.
NOT YOU, MRS.
BRADDOCK.
COME ON, GIRL.
THAT LAST SIGNPOST, I'M SURE IT SAID NETTLEFORD WAS THAT WAY.
- I DIDN'T SEE IT.
- I'M SURE I READ I CORRECTLY.
RICHARD, SHOULD YOU BE READING WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING? NOW, DO COME ALONG, DEAR.
WE'LL NEVER REACH THE SALE.
TIME IS NO ON OUR SIDE.
RICHARD DOOR, DEAR.
THERE YOU ARE, RICHARD.
I TOLD YOU I'D FIND YOU THE WAY.
( gears grind ) Emmet: I'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS, LIZ.
IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE BEEN TO A SALE.
TO TOP IT OFF, THERE'S THAT WONDERFUL FEELING OF PEACE AND SERENITY THAT COMES FROM KNOWING THAT HYACINTH IS TRAVELING SOMEWHERE IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.
YES, IT'S A RATHER SPECIAL FEELING.
BIT LIKE WAKING UP AND THINKING IT'S ALL BEEN A BAD DREAM.
ANYWAY, YOU CAN FORGE ABOUT HER TODAY AND RELAX AND ENJOY YOURSELF.
I INTEND TO.
I DID LIKE DEREK.
DEREK WAS A GENTLEMAN.
HE NEVER WENT OU IN A CAR WITHOUT SOMETHING TO PUT BETWEEN A PERSON AND THE DAMP GRASS.
THANK HEAVENS YOU'RE HERE.
CAN YOU CHANGE THE PROGRAM? - WHAT CHANNEL DO YOU WANT? - TWO.
THAT'S GREAT, DAISE.
NOBODY DOES IT LIKE YOU.
DO YOU THINK WE OUGH TO TAKE SOME TEA OU TO MRS.
BRADDOCK? DON'T MAKE HER TOO COMFY.
SHE'LL BE THERE FOREVER.
IT JUST FEELS ROTTEN, DRINKING TEA AND THINKING OF HER SITTING OUT THERE IN THAT OLD CAR.
HOW DO YOU THINK THE DOG FEELS? YOU TOOK MRS.
BRADDOCK BREAKFAST.
WHAT MORE DOES SHE WANT? I CAN'T ENJOY THINGS WHEN I KNOW SHE'S OUT THERE.
JUST BEAR IN MIND, SHE'S GOT TO GO SOMETIME.
I CAN'T LIVE FOREVER UNDER THIS DOG.
WHY DON'T YOU PUT THE DOG DOWN AND NURSE ME? TAKE MRS.
BRADDOCK A CUP OF TEA.
I KNEW HE'D SAY THAT.
LET FATHER TAKE HER A CUP OF TEA.
IT'S HIS FAULT SHE'S HERE.
WHY CAN'T THEY BOTH LIVE IN THE CAR? THEN WE COULD REN THE SPARE BEDROOM.
HE DOESN' LIKE HER ENOUGH.
HE JUST REGARDS HER AS A PLAYTHING.
I KNOW THE FEELING.
WE COULD LET HER IN AND PUT FATHER IN THE CAR.
BLESS HER, I'M GOING TO TAKE HER A CUP OF TEA.
THERE YOU ARE, YOU SEE? I BROUGHT YOU STRAIGHT HERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL THE FUSS WAS ABOUT.
OH, YES.
I DO LIKE THE HOUSE.
THERE YOU GO, GETTING CARRIED AWAY.
WE CANNOT AFFORD THE HOUSE.
I THINK I'D DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE CURTAINS.
I DO THINK THE CURTAINS ARE RATHER BOURGEOIS.
AND IF PEOPLE SHOULD MISTAKE ME FOR SOMEONE ARISTOCRATIC, I DON'T WANT YOU TELLING THEM I'M NOT.
IT WILL SIMPLY CONFUSE THEM.
- BUT HYACIN-- - IT'S ONLY GOOD MANNERS TO LET THEM BELIEVE IT.
EXCUSE ME, MY GOOD MAN.
COULD YOU DIRECT ME TO THE AUCTION CHAMBER? THROUGH THE ARCH, MADAM, IT'S THE FIRST DOOR ON THE RIGHT.
THANK YOU.
HOW COURTEOUS.
CLEARLY A FAITHFUL RETAINER OF THE OLD SCHOOL.
YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL.
SHOULD I TIP HIM? I WOULDN' IF I WERE YOU, HYACINTH.
NO, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
ANYTHING AS COARSE AS MONEY WOULD OBVIOUSLY SHOCK.
MY LORD? HER LADYSHIP WOULD LIKE A WORD.
SHE'S IN THE BLUE DRAWING ROOM.
YOU SEE? I KNEW HE WAS QUALITY.
I WOULDN'T BOTHER LOOKING AT ANY OF THESE.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE ESTIMATED PRICES? OF COURSE, THESE ARE NOT REALLY TO MY TASTE.
I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING MORE LIKE GAINSBOROUGH'S "BLUE BOY.
" WHAT? ( low ) ONLY CHEAPER, DEAR.
- EXCUSE ME.
- YES, MADAM.
WE WERE WONDERING IF YOU HAD ANYTHING LIKE GAINSBOROUGH'S "BLUE BOY.
" I'M AFRAID NOT, MADAM.
OH, PITY.
WHAT ABOU A BEAUTIFUL PAINTING OF A BASKET OF FLOWERS? I THINK NOT, MADAM.
ISN'T ANYONE PAINTING BASKETS OF FLOWERS ANYMORE? I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL ONE AT HOME.
IT'S THE WORK OF A MISS PATIENCE FULLERTON.
ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE WORK OF MISS PATIENCE FULLERTON? I DON'T THINK SO, MADAM.
SHE'S VERY TALENTED.
YOU CAN ALMOST ( sniffs ) SMELL THE FLOWERS.
OH, I KNOW.
WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE "THE SUNSET" BY MR.
VAN COUGH? COME ALONG, HYACINTH.
A LITTLE LIKE DADDY WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
THERE ARE SOME LOVELY THINGS HERE, LIZ.
- BEAUTIFUL.
- I'M GLAD WE CAME.
SO AM I.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BID FOR? PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING.
Hyacinth: OH LOOK, RICHARD.
APART FROM THE FAMILY CREST, THAT'S ALMOST IDENTICAL TO MY OWN DEAR ROYAL DOULTON.
- HYACINTH! - HYACINTH! I THINK I WAS HAPPIEST WITH DEREK - UNTIL TRAGEDY STRUCK.
- HIS WIFE FOUND OUT.
SHE WAS SO SELFISH.
HE WAS CROSS-EYED.
HE WASN'T.
HE JUST HAD AN ATTRACTIVE LAZY EYE.
ONSLOW'S GOT ONE.
IT GOES ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HIS BOOTS.
JUST PLAY THE CARD, DAISE.
SNAP! NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LOT 83 IN YOUR CATALOGUES: A FINE PAIR OF ORNAMENTAL VASES.
OH, RICHARD, I LIKE THOSE.
NO, YOU DON'T.
NOT AT THESE PRICES.
BUT THAT'S JUST AN ESTIMATE.
- THEY COULD WELL REALIZE MORE.
- EXACTLY.
NOW WHERE CAN WE BEGIN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN? £100? SIT ON YOUR HANDS.
WILL ANYONE START ME ON £100? - 75? - THEY'RE GETTING CHEAPER.
- SIT ON YOUR HANDS.
- £50.
£50 I'M BID.
YOUR BID, SIR, BY THE WINDOW.
£50 I'M BID.
£60? YOUR BID, MADAM.
£60 I'M BID.
£70.
£70 I'M BID.
£80? £80.
£90.
£100 I'M BID.
£110 I'M BID.
ALL DONE AT 110.
SOLD TO THE GENTLEMAN BY THE WINDOW.
OH AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LOT 142 IN YOUR CATALOGUES: THIS VICTORIAN ORNAMENTAL SCREEN.
LOOK, RICHARD.
IT'S ELIZABETH AND EMMET.
ARE YOU OPENING THE BIDDING, MADAM? NO! NO, STOP WAVING.
YE GODS.
WE OUGHT TO HAVE BID FOR THAT SCREEN.
IT WAS BEGINNING TO FEEL JUST LIKE HOME.
YOUR NEXT ITEM, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IS SOMETHING OF A FAMILY CURIO-- SIX BOTTLES OF THE DOWAGER LADY URSULA'S HOMEMADE GOOSEBERRY WINE.
APPARENTLY, THE OLD LADY WAS SOMETHING OF AN EXPER IN THE PRODUCTION OF COUNTRY WINES, AND THESE HAVE BEEN IN BOTTLE FOR A CONSIDERABLE NUMBER OF YEARS.
THE DOWAGER LADY URSULA'S HOMEMADE GOOSEBERRY WINE.
ALL RIGHT.
I THINK THAT MIGH JUST BE WITHIN OUR RANGE.
NOW, WILL ANYBODY START ME AT £10? YES! SOLD! OH, RICHARD, IT'LL BE THE CROWNING MOMEN OF MY NEXT CANDLELIGHT SUPPER.
WHEN I OFFER MY GUESTS A GLASS OF THE DOWAGER LADY URSULA'S HOMEMADE GOOSEBERRY WINE.
DON'T DROP ANY, RICHARD.
OH LOOK, THERE'S HIS LORDSHIP.
HELLO, YOUR LORDSHIP! OH, HELLO.
I SEE YOU BOUGH OLD MUMSY'S DYNAMITE.
YES.
I'VE ALWAYS HAD AN EYE FOR QUALITY.
ONE WAY TO RUIN YOUR EYE IS DRINKING TOO MUCH OF THAT STUFF.
REALLY? ( chuckles ) AND IT'S ENTIRELY HANDMADE BY THE DOWAGER LADY URSULA? ABSOLUTELY.
THE REST OF US RAN A MILE FROM OLD MUMSY'S SCRUMPY.
I THINK PERHAPS WE OUGHT TO BE GOING, HYACINTH.
OH, RICHARD, NOT BEFORE WE'VE INVITED HIS LORDSHIP TO JOIN US IN A TOAS TO THE GOOD LADY RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THIS.
- A TOAST TO MUMSY? - MMM.
ONE CAN HARDLY DECLINE THAT.
LET'S GO INSIDE.
OH, HOW NICE.
I'VE HAD A VERY INTERESTING DAY, YOUR LORDSHIP.
THOUGH THERE WEREN'T QUITE ENOUGH OF OUR SOR ABOUT THE PLACE.
STAND BY TO CRACK OPEN A BOTTLE, RICHARD.
STANDING BY TO CRACK.
( Hyacinth singing drunkenly ) I DID WARN HER ABOUT OLD MUMSY'S DYNAMITE.
YOU KNOW, TO TELL THE TRUTH I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF THAT'S NO WHAT KILLED HER.
I'M SO SORRY.
IT SHOULD BE ALL RIGH ONCE WE GET HER INTO THE CAR.
THANK YOU.
OH, I DO HOPE, YOUR LORDSHIP, THAT SOMEDAY YOU'LL GIVE ME THE PLEASURE OF ENTERTAINING YOU AT ONE OF MY CANDLELIGH SLIPPERS.
WE SHALL MOST "DEFORABLY" BE HAVING A GLASS OR TWO OF THE DOWAGER LADY URSULA'S HOME GOOSEWADE-BERRY MINE.
SLOW LEARNER, IS SHE? OH! WHY-- WHY IS HE TYING ME UP? WHY IS THIS CHURL TYING ME UP? I'M BEING HELD A PRISONER, YOUR LORDSHIP.
A WHITE WOMAN WEARING A HAT, WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO? UNHAND ME, VARLET! I AM PUTTING YOUR SEATBELT ON.
( laughs ) OH, RICHARD, THANK HEAVENS YOU GOT HERE IN THE NICK OF TIME.
GOODBYE.
Hyacinth: GOODBYE.
DON'T TURN LEFT, RICHARD, STRAIGHT ON! BUT WHY? I WANT TO TAKE A LITTLE GIF TO DADDY.
A BOTTLE OF THE DOWAGER LADY URSULA'S GOMEMADE WOOSEBERRY HINE.
MIND THE PILLAR BOX! MINDING THE PILLAR BOX.
DRINK TO ME ONLY WITH THINE EYES ARE WE HERE ALREADY? YOU'RE SURE THAT YOU WAN TO DO THIS? RICHARD, I'M PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF KNOWING MY OWN MIND.
HY-- HYACINTH! - YES, DEAR.
- IT'S THIS WAY.
SHH.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW? NOT A WORD, RICHARD.
( barks ) THAT'LL TEACH IT! WOOF! ( barking ) I DO HOPE YOU'LL ALL JOIN ME IN A BOTTLE OF THE DOWAGER LADY URSULA'S HEYMODE GEESBERRY WOONE.
HELLO.
( theme music playing )
RICHARD, WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE MATTER.
IT'S THE SALE TOMORROW.
AH, I KNOW.
I'M EXCITED TOO.
I'M NOT EXCITED, I'M TERRIFIED.
- HMM? - THE THOUGH OF YOU AT A SALE.
OH, I DO LOVE A SALE.
ESPECIALLY THE THOUGHT OF YOU AT A COUNTRY HOUSE SALE.
ESPECIALLY COUNTRY HOUSE SALES.
YOU GET CARRIED AWAY.
YOU THINK THAT BECAUSE THINGS HAVE BELONGED TO THE ARISTOCRACY, - THEY MUST BE WORTH TWICE AS MUCH.
- THE TRUTH IS, I ALWAYS THINK THAT BECAUSE THINGS HAVE BELONGED TO THE ARISTOCRACY, THEY MUST BE WORTH TWICE AS MUCH.
THERE YOU GO.
HYACINTH, YOU MUST NO GO BEYOND OUR LIMIT! SHH, RICHARD.
GO TO SLEEP, DEAR.
YOU'LL NEED ALL YOUR ENERGY FOR TOMORROW.
( banging ) WHO'S THA AT THIS HOUR? HADN'T YOU BETTER GO AND FIND OUT? ME? SUPPOSE IT'S A MAD STRANGLER? THEY DON'T USUALLY KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
IF IT WAS A MAD STRANGLER, HE'D HAVE COME THROUGH THE WINDOW, WOULDN'T HE? YOU'D STILL SEND ME DOWN EVEN IF HE DID COME THROUGH THE WINDOW.
WHY DON'T YOU GO? I'M BUSY KEEPING THE BED WARM FOR YOU.
IT'S MRS.
BRADDOCK.
OH, NOT HER AGAIN.
WHAT DOES SHE WANT NOW? SAME AS LAST TIME-- SHE SAY FATHER PROMISED TO MARRY HER.
SEND YOUR FATHER DOWN.
THERE'S NO REASON TO KEEP THE WHOLE HOUSE AWAKE JUST 'CAUSE HE'S GETTING MARRIED.
HE CAN'T STAND HER.
WHY DID HE PROMISE TO MARRY HER? HE SAYS HE DIDN'T.
HE SAID HE ONLY OFFERED HER A TEMPORARY POSITION.
I KNOW JUST HOW SHE FEELS.
( humming ) NOW HYACINTH, REMEMBER YOU PROMISED.
YOU WON' GO BEYOND OUR LIMIT.
WHAT ABOU THE HAT, DEAR? YES, WE MIGHT STRETCH AS FAR AS A SECONDHAND HAT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, A "SECONDHAND" HAT? - I BOUGHT THIS ONE NEW.
- OH, THAT HAT.
NOW RICHARD I WAN YOU TO TELL ME IF THIS LOOKS LIKE A "MINGLING-WITH THE-ARISTOCRACY" HAT.
- IT'S FINE.
FINE.
- NO, I DON'T WANT ANY SNAP JUDGMENTS.
PLEASE TRY TO REMEMBER THAT THIS WILL BE AMONG SOME VERY ARISTOCRATIC HATS.
- IT'S FAY, FAY.
- DON'T BE SILLY, DEAR.
YES, THIS COULD EASILY BE MISTAKEN FOR AN ARISTOCRATIC HAT.
JUST AS LONG AS YOU DON'T MISTAKE MY CHECKBOOK FOR AN ARISTOCRATIC CHECKBOOK.
- YOU READY? - I THINK THEY'RE GOING OUT.
I'D RATHER WAI UNTIL THE COAST IS CLEAR BEFORE WE STEP OUTSIDE.
WHY DON'T WE JUST GO BEFORE THEY COME OUT? WE MIGH BUMP INTO THEM.
SHE'LL SING AT ME.
SHE'LL RUIN MY DAY.
YOU'VE REALLY GO A THING ABOUT HYACINTH.
THAT'S BECAUSE SHE'S THE KIND OF PERSON IT IS VERY EASY TO GET A THING ABOUT.
YOU'RE A GROWN MAN.
AND SHE'S A GROAN A MINUTE.
HONESTLY, EMMET.
JUST LET YOUR MIND GO BLANK.
- I DO.
- OH, LIZ.
LIZ.
IT'S SO MUCH SIMPLER TO WAIT A FEW MOMENTS UNTIL THEY'VE GONE.
THEN THEY CAN GO THEIR WAY, AND WE CAN GO OUR WAY, AND OUR DAY WILL BE COMPLETE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW THEY'RE GOING OUT? BECAUSE RICHARD'S GO THE CAR OUT.
- WELL? - VERY NICE.
"NICE," HE SAYS.
IS THAT THE BES YOU CAN MANAGE? TODAY COULD BE THE DAY I'M MISTAKEN FOR SOMEONE IMPORTANT.
IF ANYBODY SHOULD MISTAKE ME FOR SOMEONE IMPORTANT, LET THEM THINK WHAT THEY MAY.
AFTER ALL, IT'S ONLY AN ACCIDENT OF BIRTH THAT I'M NO SOMEONE IMPORTANT.
WELL, I AM SOMEONE IMPORTANT.
IT'S SIMPLY AN ACCIDENT OF BIRTH THAT I'M NO EVEN MORE IMPORTANT.
EVEN ARISTOCRATIC.
SHE SPENDS LIKE AN ARISTOCRAT.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT MRS.
BRADDOCK? - IS SHE STILL HANGING ABOUT? - I HAVEN'T SEEN HER, BUT WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT HER? IF SHE'S GOING TO MAKE THAT RACKE EVERY NIGHT, YOUR FATHER'LL HAVE TO MARRY HER.
OH, NICE.
I HOPE YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE ONE TO BREAK IT TO OUR HYACINTH.
FANCY HAVING TO TELL OUR HYACINTH FATHER'S GO TO GET MARRIED AT HIS AGE.
HOW COME HE DOESN' WANT TO MARRY HER? HE USUALLY WANTS TO MARRY EVERYBODY.
MRS.
BRADDOCK'S HORRIBLE.
EVERYBODY HE'S EVER BEEN INVOLVED WITH HAS BEEN HORRIBLE.
MAYBE HE LIKES HORRIBLE.
WELL, IT'S AMAZING HOW MANY DO.
YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT SOME OF MY GENTLEMEN FRIENDS HAVE TO GO HOME TO.
I COULD NEVER SETTLE FOR HORRIBLE.
IT ALWAYS HAS TO BE STYLISH.
THAT WAS ALL RIGH WHEN I WAS YOUNG, DAISE, BUT IT CAN BE A HECK OF A STRAIN-- THE CONSTANT BATTLE TO REMAIN ATTRACTIVE.
- CHA-CHA-CHA-CHA! - AHH! YOU SAID LEFT.
YOU SAID, "GO LEFT.
" YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT I SAID LEF WHEN I SAID RIGHT.
WHY WOULD I DO THAT? BECAUSE YOU'RE IN AN ARGUMENTATIVE MOOD, DEAR.
I NOTICED I FIRST THING THIS MORNING.
YOU WERE VERY OFFHAND ABOUT MY HAT.
ANYWAY, NOW YOU HAVE THE MAP OUT, DO YOU KNOW WHERE WE ARE? YES.
LOST.
( TV plays ) FATHER SAYS, "WOULD YOU MAKE SURE MRS.
BRADDOCK'S NOT ABOUT?" HE WANTS TO GO OUT.
AND HE DAREN'T GO OU IF MRS.
BRADDOCK'S ABOUT.
WHY DON'T YOU GO OUT AND CHECK IF MRS.
BRADDOCK'S ABOUT? SHE BITES.
AND SHE LOOKS TO ME LIKE SOMEONE WHO MIGH POSSIBLY BE SEPTIC.
AND THAT'S JUS HER FACE.
ONSLOW, WILL YOU GO OUT AND SEE IF MRS.
BRADDOCK'S ABOUT? OH, NICE.
DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE BITES ME AND TURNS ME SEPTIC.
BUT SHE WON'T BITE YOU.
SHE LIKES MEN.
SHE BITES ME.
SHE LIKES MEN.
THAT WAS BEFORE I DISCOVERED BACON SARNIES.
OH, GO ON, ONSLOW.
I'LL HOLD YOUR BACON SARNIE FOR YOU.
NO, YOU WON'T.
I'VE SEEN YOU BEFORE WITH BITS OF SOME POOR BLOKE'S BACON.
I'LL GO OUT WHEN I'VE FINISHED MY SARNIE.
Richard: WHICH WAY THIS TIME? LEFT OR RIGHT? RIGHT.
NO, LEFT.
LEFT.
NO, AS YOU WERE.
TURN RIGHT.
WATCH OUT FOR ANIMALS.
WHAT ANIMALS? I CAN'T SEE ANY ANIMALS.
THIS IS THE COUNTRYSIDE.
THERE ARE ALWAYS ANIMALS.
NEVER MIND ABOUT THE ANIMALS.
- ARE YOU SURE THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY? - I'M QUITE SURE.
STOP TRYING TO CONFUSE ME, RICHARD.
I HATE I WHEN YOU CONFUSE ME.
MIND THE CAR.
THERE'S A CAR COMING.
I CAN SEE THE CAR COMING.
I BELIEVE IT'S ELIZABETH AND EMMET.
FLASH YOUR LIGHTS.
THANK HEAVENS THEY'RE GOING THE OTHER WAY.
I DIDN'T LIKE HYACINTH'S HAT.
I DIDN'T LIKE ELIZABETH'S HAT.
NEVER MIND ABOUT THE HAT.
CAN YOU SEE WHERE WE ARE ON THE MAP? YES, I HAVE MY FINGER ON THE SPOT.
WE GO ALONG HERE FOR A LITTLE WHILE, AND THEN WE COME TO SOME CROSSROADS.
SHE'S NOT OUT HERE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GO AND SEE IF SHE'S IN THE STREET.
STREET? NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT THE STREETS.
ALL YOU SAID WAS GO AND SEE IF SHE WAS OUTSIDE.
JUST GO TO THE GATE, AND LOOK BOTH WAYS.
AND IF YOU SEE HER, TELL HER TO GO AWAY.
OH, NICE.
THE PACE OF MODERN LIFE.
BE CAREFUL.
HE'S NOT PARACHUTING INTO OCCUPIED FRANCE.
I DON'T WANT HIM INJURED.
WHY? WHAT HAVE YOU HEARD? HOW FIERCE IS THIS MRS.
BRADDOCK? SHE'S NOT FIERCE.
SHE JUST GETS A BIT EXCITED.
THINK HARD.
YOU REMEMBER EXCITED.
- ALL CLEAR.
- GREAT.
OI! ( laughing ) HE PROMISED HE'D MARRY ME.
MRS.
BRADDOCK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE CAR? WHEN YOU'RE MY AGE, YOU LIKES TO SIT DOWN.
- WHERE'S MY DOG? - RAN AWAY YELPING.
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN BITING MY DOG? NEVER TOUCHED HIM.
OH HERE, GIRL! HERE, GIRL! COME ON, GIRL.
COME ON, GIRL.
WHERE ARE YOU? I'M HERE, LOVE.
NOT YOU, MRS.
BRADDOCK.
COME ON, GIRL.
THAT LAST SIGNPOST, I'M SURE IT SAID NETTLEFORD WAS THAT WAY.
- I DIDN'T SEE IT.
- I'M SURE I READ I CORRECTLY.
RICHARD, SHOULD YOU BE READING WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING? NOW, DO COME ALONG, DEAR.
WE'LL NEVER REACH THE SALE.
TIME IS NO ON OUR SIDE.
RICHARD DOOR, DEAR.
THERE YOU ARE, RICHARD.
I TOLD YOU I'D FIND YOU THE WAY.
( gears grind ) Emmet: I'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS, LIZ.
IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE BEEN TO A SALE.
TO TOP IT OFF, THERE'S THAT WONDERFUL FEELING OF PEACE AND SERENITY THAT COMES FROM KNOWING THAT HYACINTH IS TRAVELING SOMEWHERE IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION.
YES, IT'S A RATHER SPECIAL FEELING.
BIT LIKE WAKING UP AND THINKING IT'S ALL BEEN A BAD DREAM.
ANYWAY, YOU CAN FORGE ABOUT HER TODAY AND RELAX AND ENJOY YOURSELF.
I INTEND TO.
I DID LIKE DEREK.
DEREK WAS A GENTLEMAN.
HE NEVER WENT OU IN A CAR WITHOUT SOMETHING TO PUT BETWEEN A PERSON AND THE DAMP GRASS.
THANK HEAVENS YOU'RE HERE.
CAN YOU CHANGE THE PROGRAM? - WHAT CHANNEL DO YOU WANT? - TWO.
THAT'S GREAT, DAISE.
NOBODY DOES IT LIKE YOU.
DO YOU THINK WE OUGH TO TAKE SOME TEA OU TO MRS.
BRADDOCK? DON'T MAKE HER TOO COMFY.
SHE'LL BE THERE FOREVER.
IT JUST FEELS ROTTEN, DRINKING TEA AND THINKING OF HER SITTING OUT THERE IN THAT OLD CAR.
HOW DO YOU THINK THE DOG FEELS? YOU TOOK MRS.
BRADDOCK BREAKFAST.
WHAT MORE DOES SHE WANT? I CAN'T ENJOY THINGS WHEN I KNOW SHE'S OUT THERE.
JUST BEAR IN MIND, SHE'S GOT TO GO SOMETIME.
I CAN'T LIVE FOREVER UNDER THIS DOG.
WHY DON'T YOU PUT THE DOG DOWN AND NURSE ME? TAKE MRS.
BRADDOCK A CUP OF TEA.
I KNEW HE'D SAY THAT.
LET FATHER TAKE HER A CUP OF TEA.
IT'S HIS FAULT SHE'S HERE.
WHY CAN'T THEY BOTH LIVE IN THE CAR? THEN WE COULD REN THE SPARE BEDROOM.
HE DOESN' LIKE HER ENOUGH.
HE JUST REGARDS HER AS A PLAYTHING.
I KNOW THE FEELING.
WE COULD LET HER IN AND PUT FATHER IN THE CAR.
BLESS HER, I'M GOING TO TAKE HER A CUP OF TEA.
THERE YOU ARE, YOU SEE? I BROUGHT YOU STRAIGHT HERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL THE FUSS WAS ABOUT.
OH, YES.
I DO LIKE THE HOUSE.
THERE YOU GO, GETTING CARRIED AWAY.
WE CANNOT AFFORD THE HOUSE.
I THINK I'D DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE CURTAINS.
I DO THINK THE CURTAINS ARE RATHER BOURGEOIS.
AND IF PEOPLE SHOULD MISTAKE ME FOR SOMEONE ARISTOCRATIC, I DON'T WANT YOU TELLING THEM I'M NOT.
IT WILL SIMPLY CONFUSE THEM.
- BUT HYACIN-- - IT'S ONLY GOOD MANNERS TO LET THEM BELIEVE IT.
EXCUSE ME, MY GOOD MAN.
COULD YOU DIRECT ME TO THE AUCTION CHAMBER? THROUGH THE ARCH, MADAM, IT'S THE FIRST DOOR ON THE RIGHT.
THANK YOU.
HOW COURTEOUS.
CLEARLY A FAITHFUL RETAINER OF THE OLD SCHOOL.
YOU CAN ALWAYS TELL.
SHOULD I TIP HIM? I WOULDN' IF I WERE YOU, HYACINTH.
NO, YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
ANYTHING AS COARSE AS MONEY WOULD OBVIOUSLY SHOCK.
MY LORD? HER LADYSHIP WOULD LIKE A WORD.
SHE'S IN THE BLUE DRAWING ROOM.
YOU SEE? I KNEW HE WAS QUALITY.
I WOULDN'T BOTHER LOOKING AT ANY OF THESE.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE ESTIMATED PRICES? OF COURSE, THESE ARE NOT REALLY TO MY TASTE.
I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING MORE LIKE GAINSBOROUGH'S "BLUE BOY.
" WHAT? ( low ) ONLY CHEAPER, DEAR.
- EXCUSE ME.
- YES, MADAM.
WE WERE WONDERING IF YOU HAD ANYTHING LIKE GAINSBOROUGH'S "BLUE BOY.
" I'M AFRAID NOT, MADAM.
OH, PITY.
WHAT ABOU A BEAUTIFUL PAINTING OF A BASKET OF FLOWERS? I THINK NOT, MADAM.
ISN'T ANYONE PAINTING BASKETS OF FLOWERS ANYMORE? I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL ONE AT HOME.
IT'S THE WORK OF A MISS PATIENCE FULLERTON.
ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE WORK OF MISS PATIENCE FULLERTON? I DON'T THINK SO, MADAM.
SHE'S VERY TALENTED.
YOU CAN ALMOST ( sniffs ) SMELL THE FLOWERS.
OH, I KNOW.
WHAT ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE "THE SUNSET" BY MR.
VAN COUGH? COME ALONG, HYACINTH.
A LITTLE LIKE DADDY WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER.
GOOD AFTERNOON.
THERE ARE SOME LOVELY THINGS HERE, LIZ.
- BEAUTIFUL.
- I'M GLAD WE CAME.
SO AM I.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BID FOR? PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING.
Hyacinth: OH LOOK, RICHARD.
APART FROM THE FAMILY CREST, THAT'S ALMOST IDENTICAL TO MY OWN DEAR ROYAL DOULTON.
- HYACINTH! - HYACINTH! I THINK I WAS HAPPIEST WITH DEREK - UNTIL TRAGEDY STRUCK.
- HIS WIFE FOUND OUT.
SHE WAS SO SELFISH.
HE WAS CROSS-EYED.
HE WASN'T.
HE JUST HAD AN ATTRACTIVE LAZY EYE.
ONSLOW'S GOT ONE.
IT GOES ALL THE WAY DOWN TO HIS BOOTS.
JUST PLAY THE CARD, DAISE.
SNAP! NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LOT 83 IN YOUR CATALOGUES: A FINE PAIR OF ORNAMENTAL VASES.
OH, RICHARD, I LIKE THOSE.
NO, YOU DON'T.
NOT AT THESE PRICES.
BUT THAT'S JUST AN ESTIMATE.
- THEY COULD WELL REALIZE MORE.
- EXACTLY.
NOW WHERE CAN WE BEGIN, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN? £100? SIT ON YOUR HANDS.
WILL ANYONE START ME ON £100? - 75? - THEY'RE GETTING CHEAPER.
- SIT ON YOUR HANDS.
- £50.
£50 I'M BID.
YOUR BID, SIR, BY THE WINDOW.
£50 I'M BID.
£60? YOUR BID, MADAM.
£60 I'M BID.
£70.
£70 I'M BID.
£80? £80.
£90.
£100 I'M BID.
£110 I'M BID.
ALL DONE AT 110.
SOLD TO THE GENTLEMAN BY THE WINDOW.
OH AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LOT 142 IN YOUR CATALOGUES: THIS VICTORIAN ORNAMENTAL SCREEN.
LOOK, RICHARD.
IT'S ELIZABETH AND EMMET.
ARE YOU OPENING THE BIDDING, MADAM? NO! NO, STOP WAVING.
YE GODS.
WE OUGHT TO HAVE BID FOR THAT SCREEN.
IT WAS BEGINNING TO FEEL JUST LIKE HOME.
YOUR NEXT ITEM, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IS SOMETHING OF A FAMILY CURIO-- SIX BOTTLES OF THE DOWAGER LADY URSULA'S HOMEMADE GOOSEBERRY WINE.
APPARENTLY, THE OLD LADY WAS SOMETHING OF AN EXPER IN THE PRODUCTION OF COUNTRY WINES, AND THESE HAVE BEEN IN BOTTLE FOR A CONSIDERABLE NUMBER OF YEARS.
THE DOWAGER LADY URSULA'S HOMEMADE GOOSEBERRY WINE.
ALL RIGHT.
I THINK THAT MIGH JUST BE WITHIN OUR RANGE.
NOW, WILL ANYBODY START ME AT £10? YES! SOLD! OH, RICHARD, IT'LL BE THE CROWNING MOMEN OF MY NEXT CANDLELIGHT SUPPER.
WHEN I OFFER MY GUESTS A GLASS OF THE DOWAGER LADY URSULA'S HOMEMADE GOOSEBERRY WINE.
DON'T DROP ANY, RICHARD.
OH LOOK, THERE'S HIS LORDSHIP.
HELLO, YOUR LORDSHIP! OH, HELLO.
I SEE YOU BOUGH OLD MUMSY'S DYNAMITE.
YES.
I'VE ALWAYS HAD AN EYE FOR QUALITY.
ONE WAY TO RUIN YOUR EYE IS DRINKING TOO MUCH OF THAT STUFF.
REALLY? ( chuckles ) AND IT'S ENTIRELY HANDMADE BY THE DOWAGER LADY URSULA? ABSOLUTELY.
THE REST OF US RAN A MILE FROM OLD MUMSY'S SCRUMPY.
I THINK PERHAPS WE OUGHT TO BE GOING, HYACINTH.
OH, RICHARD, NOT BEFORE WE'VE INVITED HIS LORDSHIP TO JOIN US IN A TOAS TO THE GOOD LADY RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL THIS.
- A TOAST TO MUMSY? - MMM.
ONE CAN HARDLY DECLINE THAT.
LET'S GO INSIDE.
OH, HOW NICE.
I'VE HAD A VERY INTERESTING DAY, YOUR LORDSHIP.
THOUGH THERE WEREN'T QUITE ENOUGH OF OUR SOR ABOUT THE PLACE.
STAND BY TO CRACK OPEN A BOTTLE, RICHARD.
STANDING BY TO CRACK.
( Hyacinth singing drunkenly ) I DID WARN HER ABOUT OLD MUMSY'S DYNAMITE.
YOU KNOW, TO TELL THE TRUTH I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF THAT'S NO WHAT KILLED HER.
I'M SO SORRY.
IT SHOULD BE ALL RIGH ONCE WE GET HER INTO THE CAR.
THANK YOU.
OH, I DO HOPE, YOUR LORDSHIP, THAT SOMEDAY YOU'LL GIVE ME THE PLEASURE OF ENTERTAINING YOU AT ONE OF MY CANDLELIGH SLIPPERS.
WE SHALL MOST "DEFORABLY" BE HAVING A GLASS OR TWO OF THE DOWAGER LADY URSULA'S HOME GOOSEWADE-BERRY MINE.
SLOW LEARNER, IS SHE? OH! WHY-- WHY IS HE TYING ME UP? WHY IS THIS CHURL TYING ME UP? I'M BEING HELD A PRISONER, YOUR LORDSHIP.
A WHITE WOMAN WEARING A HAT, WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO? UNHAND ME, VARLET! I AM PUTTING YOUR SEATBELT ON.
( laughs ) OH, RICHARD, THANK HEAVENS YOU GOT HERE IN THE NICK OF TIME.
GOODBYE.
Hyacinth: GOODBYE.
DON'T TURN LEFT, RICHARD, STRAIGHT ON! BUT WHY? I WANT TO TAKE A LITTLE GIF TO DADDY.
A BOTTLE OF THE DOWAGER LADY URSULA'S GOMEMADE WOOSEBERRY HINE.
MIND THE PILLAR BOX! MINDING THE PILLAR BOX.
DRINK TO ME ONLY WITH THINE EYES ARE WE HERE ALREADY? YOU'RE SURE THAT YOU WAN TO DO THIS? RICHARD, I'M PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF KNOWING MY OWN MIND.
HY-- HYACINTH! - YES, DEAR.
- IT'S THIS WAY.
SHH.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW? NOT A WORD, RICHARD.
( barks ) THAT'LL TEACH IT! WOOF! ( barking ) I DO HOPE YOU'LL ALL JOIN ME IN A BOTTLE OF THE DOWAGER LADY URSULA'S HEYMODE GEESBERRY WOONE.
HELLO.
( theme music playing )