King of the Hill s03e01 Episode Script
Death of a Propane Salesman
PREVIOUSLY ON KING OF THE HILL.
AND NOW MEGA LO MART HAS PR0PANE-- PROPANE AT MEGA LO MART? - I GOTTA LET YOU GO.
- YOU'RE FIRING ME? YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THE TEST NOW.
I GAVE THE JOB TO SOMEBODY ELSE.
HOW YOU DOIN', ARLEN? ARE YOU READY TO SOFT ROCK? I'M BREAKIN' UP WITH YOU.
HUH? ( sniffs ) ( explosion ) - HANK! - CHUCK! BUCKLEY AND LUANNE ARE IN THERE! ( old-man groan ) WE MUST BE GETTING OLD, CONNIE.
WE'RE 12, BOBBY.
WE ARE OLD.
WE'VE GOT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO WITH OUR LIVES.
I'M GOING TO GO TO COLLEGE AND STUDY PROP COMICTRY.
I CAN'T DECIDE BETWEEN BEING A CONCERT VIOLINIS OR LEADING THE FIGHT AGAINST THE OVERUSE OF ANTIBIOTICS.
BE A VIOLINIST.
THAT WAY, I COULD BE YOUR OPENING AC AND WE COULD TRAVEL THE WORLD TOGETHER.
YOUR DAD GOT BLOWN UP.
( gasps ) ( sirens wailing ) HANK! PLEASE! SOMEONE HELP ME! HANK! MY HUSBAND IS IN THERE.
HE HAD TO TAKE THIS JOB BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WOULD HIRE HIM.
WE'RE DOING EVERYTHING WE CAN, MRS.
MANGIONE.
I GOT TWO! OH, HANK! YOU'RE ALIVE! ( grunting ) I'M ALL RIGHT, PEGGY.
THERE'S TWO MORE INSIDE.
OH, THANK GOD, YOU'RE OKAY.
I WAS SO WORRIED.
OH, AND, LUANNE.
OH, MY LORD.
( short scream ) OOH, MY HAIR FEELS WEIRD.
( screaming ) I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.
WHAT ABOUT BUCKLEY? DID YOU FIND HIM? I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT SO FAR IT APPEARS THAT THERE WERE NO OTHER SURVIVORS.
( gasps ) OH, MY GOD.
I'M BALD! WHAT'S TAKING THEM SO LONG? WHEN DO I GET TO SEE DAD? YOUR FATHER AND LUANNE WILL BE OUT SOON, HONEY.
BOBBY, THAT IS NOT A MINT.
( sighs ) ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO HOME.
DAD, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
IS THERE ANY PERMANENT DAMAGE? NO DAMAGE, NO SCRATCHES, NO DENTS, NO DINGS.
BOBBY, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO HIT THE BATTING CAGES? OKAY.
HANK, SLOW DOWN.
YOU ALMOST DIED TODAY.
WELL, THAT'S THE GOOD THING ABOUT DEATH.
YOU EITHER DIE OR YOU DON'T.
I DIDN'T, SO LET'S GO HIT SOME BALLS.
HANK, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY? OHH.
CAREFUL, EVERYONE.
NOW, LUANNE IS GOING TO LOOK DIFFERENT, MAYBE EVEN HYPNOTICALLY GROTESQUE BUT DO NOT STARE.
( gasps ) I'M REAL SORRY ABOUT BUCKLEY, LUANNE, AND YOUR HAIR.
BOBBY.
LUANNE, HONEY, IT'LL BE FINE.
WE WILL JUST COVER IT UP WITH MAKEUP, AND IT'LL BE FINE.
NO, AUNT PEGGY.
I'M NOT GOING TO USE HAIR OR MAKEUPS ANYMORE.
I LEARNED SOMETHING FROM THAT EXPLOSION.
BEAUTY DOESN'T LAST FOREVER.
IT CAN BE BLOWN OFF YOUR HEAD.
OH, HANK, YOU POOR THING.
YOU SHOULDN'T BE STANDING AFTER YOUR ACCIDENT.
I'M FINE.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
BUILDINGS EXPLODE.
THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE? BILL, YOU'RE IN FAVOR OF A FLAT TAX.
YOU HAVEN'T SAID A WORD ABOUT IT.
DID YOU HAPPEN TO SEE BUCKLEY OR ANY PART WHOM OF ATTEMPTING TO FLEE THE SCENE OF THE, QUOTE, "ACCIDENT"? DALE, THE BOY IS NO MORE.
ALL THEY FOUND LEFT OF HIM WAS HIS NAME TAG.
WELL, THAT'S ALL HE WANTED THEM TO FIND-- CLASSIC COVER-UP.
THAT BOY'S NO DEADER THAN MOTHER TERESA.
( horn honking ) HANK, OLD GIRL, STRICKLAND'S BACK IN BUSINESS.
GET READY TO PUMP PROPANE TOMORROW.
UH, RIGHT, SIR.
I MIGHT BE A LITTLE LATE.
I DON'T KNOW IF I GAVE MEGA LO MART MY NOTICE.
WHY, I THINK YOU GAVE YOUR NOTICE, NITRO.
( chuckling ) I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT EXPLOSION WHICH HASN'T AFFECTED ME IN ANY WAY.
( phone rings ) HELLO.
PEGGY HERE.
HANK, IT'S MR.
STRICKLAND.
BUSY.
TAKE A MESSAGE.
UH, CAN HE CALL YOU BACK? WHAT? OH, I SEE.
HANK, WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME MR.
STRICKLAND OFFERED YOU YOUR JOB BACK? WELL, IT JUST HAPPENED YESTERDAY.
HONEY, HE SAYS CUSTOMERS ARE LINED UP OUT THE DOOR.
PEGGY, I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF DECRUMBING THE TOASTER.
SAVE THE CRUMBS! LUANNE, HONEY, LOOK.
IT'S TWO OF YOUR OLD FRIENDS THE MANGER BABIES.
( snorts ) SOCK PUPPETS ARE FOR BABIES.
IN THE REAL WORLD, BEAUTY FADES AND PENGUINS DIE A COLD, HORRIBLE DEATH.
SO YOU'RE NOT GOING BACK TO BEAUTY SCHOOL THEN? I'M TIRED OF MAKING THE WORLD LOOK PRETTY.
I WANT TO SHOW THE WORLD FOR WHAT IT IS-- WITH PHOTOJOURNALISM.
PHOTOJOURNALISM-- WELL, THAT'S SOMETHING.
LOOK AT THESE PICTURES OF HUNGRY CHILDREN.
WHY IS THE CNN LOGO IN THE COR OH THIS IS JUST A PICTURE OF THE TV, LUANNE.
OH, IT'S NICE TO BE SMART, AUNT PEGGY-- SMART AND WELL-FED.
FIND THE BODY YET, QUINCY? WE HAVE SOME REMAINS THAT WE'RE ANALYZING.
YOU NEEDN'T CONCERN YOURSELF.
OH, I NEEDN'T, SHOULDN'T I? AND MAYBE I SHOULD NOT KNOW THAT ALL MEGA LO MART EMPLOYEES HAVE A $5,000 INSURANCE POLICY.
THAT'S NONSENSE.
THIS IS A VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD INVESTIGATION.
THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK.
SIR, WE ARE THEY.
( shrieks ) Peggy: HANK, FRIES ARE UP! HONEY, HOW ARE THE STEAKS COMING? UH STILL TENDERIZING.
DON'T WANT TO RUSH 'EM.
YOU HAVE BEEN POUNDING THE BE-"HAYSUS" OUT OF THAT BEEF SINCE NOON.
THROW IT ON THE GRILL.
LET'S GO.
( exhales ) ( hissing ) ( yelps ) ( yelling ) AW, DANG.
W-WHAT'S WRONG? I LOST THE STEAKS.
HUH? MMM.
GOBBETS OF MEAT FROM THE SKY.
DOESN'T TASTE LIKE BUCKLEY.
OH, HANK, THEY NEED YOUR HELP AT BUCKLEY'S WAKE, MANNING THE GRILL.
WHAT? GRILL? UH IS IT PROPANE? OF COURSE IT'S PROPANE, HANK.
THEY'RE NOT UNITARIANS.
UH, WELL, I WOULDN'T FEEL RIGHT.
I BARELY KNEW BUCKLEY.
WAKE GRILLING IS SOMETHING YOU DO FOR A BLOOD RELATIVE OR A CLOSE FRIEND.
NOW, WHEN BILL DIES, MAYBE.
OH, HONEY, WHA A PRETTY, PRETTY OUTFIT FOR A FUNERAL.
NOW, BEFORE WE GO YOU MIGHT WANT TO OPEN THIS.
YOUR FRIENDS FROM THE BEAUTY ACADEMY DROPPED IT OFF.
"SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.
YOU HAD BEAUTIFUL HAIR.
" THEY MADE ME A WIG.
"WE MADE YOU A WIG.
" THEY MADE ME A WIG.
THROW IT OUT.
OKAY WELL, YOU JUST GO AHEAD AND GRIEVE ANY WAY THAT YOU WANT.
REDBOOK SAYS LOSING A BOYFRIEND IS THE FOURTH MOST PAINFUL LOSS-- RIGHT BETWEEN GRANDMOTHER AND PENIS.
OH, I'M NOT GRIEVING.
I BROKE UP WITH BUCKLEY SECONDS BEFORE THE EXPLOSION AND I NEVER LOOKED BACK.
THAT'S WHY I STILL HAVE MY EYEBROWS.
SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.
A WEEK'S SALARY SAYS THAT BOX IS EMPTY.
I'M GOING IN.
( retching ) OH.
DIDN'T THINK I'D SEE YOU HERE.
GUILTY CONSCIENCE, HUH? WHY WOULD I HAVE A GUILTY CONSCIENCE? I DID NOT BLOW UP THE MEGA LO MART.
OH, GOOD, I'M GLAD YOU SAID THAT, HANK.
I'M WEARING A WIRE FOR AN UNRELATED MATTER.
SO WHEN CAN I EXPECT YOU BACK? UH AFTER AN APPROPRIATE PERIOD OF GRIEVING, SIR.
BUCKLEY WAS PRACTICALLY A SON TO ME.
( playing "Taps" ) ( playing "Feels So Good" ) THIS IS DEPRESSING.
WANT TO GO PLAY IN THE CEMETERY? OKAY.
THE PASSING OF BUCKLEY IS A GREAT LOSS AND A SAD OCCASION.
WOULD ANYONE CARE TO COME UP AND SAY A FEW WORDS ABOUT BUCKLEY? I GUESS Y'ALL EXPECT ME TO CRY FOR BUCKLEY BUT I AM NOT BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO CRY ABOUT.
THIS IS A PICTURE OF WHAT A HUNGRY IRISH CHILD LOOKS LIKE.
FIGHT THE OCCUPATION! FIGHT THE OC-CU-PA-TION! AH.
UH IS THERE ANYONE ELSE WHO'D LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS ABOUT BUCKLEY? ANYBODY AT ALL? NAME OF THE BOY WAS BUCKLEY.
AT FIRST, I DIDN'T MUCH LIKE BUCKLEY, I ADMI BUT THEN WHEN I SAW HOW MUCH HE PISS OFF MY NEIGHBOR MR.
HANK HILL, AND I DECIDE TO SEEK OUT THIS BUCKLEY FELLOW, GET TO KNOW HIM.
I GREW TO LOVE THAT BOY.
NOW THAT HE'S GONE, I FEEL A BIG HOLE IN MY LIFE.
I THINK WE ALL DO.
IS A WORLD WITHOUT BUCKLEY A WORLD WE WANT TO LIVE IN?! AS A BUDDHIST, OF COURSE, I GET COMFORT FROM A STORY.
I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH BUDDHISTS SURE LIKE A STORY.
( chuckling ) AH, ANYWAY, STORY BEGIN WITH MAN BEING CHASED BY FEROCIOUS TIGER.
TIGER CHASE HIM TO EDGE OF CLIFF.
MAN FALLS OFF.
HALFWAY DOWN, HE GRAB ONTO A BRANCH.
HE LOOK UP AND SEE ONE HUNGRY TIGER.
NOW HE LOOK DOWN.
HE SEE ANOTHER HUNGRY TIGER WAITING FOR HIM ON THE GROUND BELOW.
THAT NOT A GOOD PLACE TO BE.
HE KNOW, FOR SURE HE GOING TO DIE.
THEN OUT OF CORNER OF HIS EYE HE SEE A WILD STRAWBERRY, GROWING FROM SAME BRANCH.
OH, HE PLUCK IT AND EAT IT.
AND IT WAS THE SWEETEST-TASTING STRAWBERRY HE EVER HAD.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY? HE TELLS A JOKE AT A FUNERAL.
HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE.
( chuckling ) YEAH, BUT IT WAS FUNNY.
Peggy: I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW ONE LITTLE BOY CAN GET SO DIRTY IN A CEMETERY.
BOBBY, ARE YOU IN THE BATH YET? THERE'S NO HOT WATER! OH, THE HEATER MUST HAVE GONE OUT AGAIN.
WILL YOU CHECK ON IT, HANK? SO IS IT LIT? UH WELL, IT'S GETTING THERE.
OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES, HANK I WILL DO IT MYSELF.
NO! HANK, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU WON'T GO TO WORK; YOU DECLINED AN OPPORTUNITY TO GRILL; AND NOW THIS? YOU ARE ACTING LIKE YOU'RE AFRAID OF PROPANE.
OH MY GOD.
Man: WELCOME TO THE SURVIVORS OF PROPANE EXPLOSIONS SUPPORT GROUP.
LET'S START WITH CHUCK.
EVER SINCE THE EXPLOSION EVERY SONG I PLAY SOUNDS LIKE "FEELS SO GOOD.
" MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE IT DOES FEEL SO GOOD TO BE ALIVE.
NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
MR.
HILL, TELL US HOW YOU'RE DEALING WITH YOUR GRIEF.
NOTHING MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.
I WAS IN A PROPANE EXPLOSION AND NOW I'M AFRAID OF PROPANE.
NEXT PERSON? DO YOU THINK HE NEEDS SHOCK TREATMENT? PERHAPS.
SOUNDS TO ME THAT WHAT YOU'RE REALLY AFRAID OF IS YOUR OWN DEATH.
WHAT? NOBODY'S AFRAID OF DEATH.
THAT'S CRAZY.
I'M AFRAID OF PROPANE.
YOU'RE TRANSFERRING, MR.
HILL.
DOESN'T IT SCARE YOU? THE THOUGHT OF MISSING ALL YOUR FAMILY'S SPECIAL MOMENTS.
NO! NEVER AGAIN SIPPING WINE WITH YOUR FRIENDS, SCRATCHING YOUR CAT, OR CATS.
NO.
MAKING LOVE TO YOUR PARTNER.
NO, NO, NO! ( hissing ) MR.
HILL, ONLY WHEN YOU DEAL WITH YOUR FEAR OF DEATH WILL YOU BE ABLE TO OVERCOME YOUR FEAR OF PROPANE.
STOP IT! CAN'T YOU HEAR THE HISSING? IT'S PROPANE! THIS ROOM'S GONNA BLOW! ( mouthpiece hissing ) HERE.
WHAT'S THIS? IT'S MY SCRAPBOOK.
THIS IS THE WAY THAT RATIONAL PEOPLE DEAL WITH DEATH, HANK-- BY CLIPPING ARTICLES OU ABOUT GRISLY ACCIDENTS FROM THE LOCAL NEWSPAPERS.
IT IS ALSO MY HOBBY.
GOOD LORD.
WHAT? PEGGY, WHAT UGH.
UGH.
UGH.
WOW.
( Peggy sighs ) THEY BEAT THE AGGIES, BUT THEY COULD NOT BEAT THAT TRAIN.
Y'ALL EVER THINK ABOUT DEATH? WELL, YEAH, I THINK ABOUT IT, HANK.
I'M AN ARMY BARBER.
I GET UP EVERY DAY AND STARE DEATH IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD.
I AM NOT GOING TO DIE.
CHROMIUM PICKLE-O-NATE-- EVERY ORIFICE, EVERY DAY.
HEY, HANK! LET ME GIVE YOU PIECE OF ADVICE.
YOU NEED TO RELAX AND ENJOY LIFE.
I GOT THIS STORY ABOUT A TIGER.
KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF.
I ALREADY HEARD THAT JOKE, KHAN.
( chuckling ): STRAWBERRY.
HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT WHO'LL TAKE CARE OF BOBBY WHEN YOU'RE GONE? 'CAUSE I'D LIKE TO THROW MY HAT IN THE RING.
I-I'D TAKE HIM TO BASEBALL GAMES AND ME AND PEGGY COULD SIT UP IN BED AT NIGH PICKING OUT COLLEGES.
PEGGY WOULD NOT BE INCLUDED IN ANY GUARDIANSHIP SITUATION.
I'LL TAKE THE BOY.
THE WIDOW HILL IS ON HER OWN.
YOU GOT A DEAL.
ALL RIGHT.
DON'T SHAKE HIS HAND; LET GO OF THAT.
I'M NOT SAYING BOBBY GOES TO EITHER OF YOU.
WHAT'S GOING ON? I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO BE OKAY.
MAN, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, HANK ABOUT THAT DANG OL' MEANING OF LIFE, MAN.
IT'S LIKE THIS, MAN.
BE LIKE A BUTTERFLY, FLAPPING HIS WINGS DEEP DOWN IN THE FOREST, MAN.
IT GONNA CAUSE A TREE FALL LIKE 5,000 MILES AWAY, MAN.
NOBODY SEE IT; NOBODY DONE DON'T EVEN HAPPEN.
YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE A BABY BORN INTO THIS WORLD AIN'T GOT NO DANG FRIENDS GOT NO NOTHING BUT YOU'RE GONNA COME IN AND FIND OU ALL ABOUT THAT OLD EVIL, MAN.
MAN, SEE, LIKE, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW, MAN.
WHAT YOU GOING IT'S LIKE YOU'RE BORN INTO THIS WORLD, MAN.
IT'S LIKE THIS, MAN, THE DUST AND THE WIND, MAN OR LIKE A DANG OL' CANDLE IN THE WIND, MAN.
IT DON'T MATTER, MAN.
IT'S ALL OLDIES ALL THE TIME.
LIKE THAT DANG OLD "I THINK, THEREFORE YOU ARE," MAN.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT WE TELL OURSELVES ISN'T IT, BOOMHAUER? ALL RIGHT, I CAN DO THIS.
NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF.
HANK! HANK! I CAN'T FIND BOBBY.
CONNIE SAYS HE RAN AWAY, AND HE'S ALREADY BEYOND THE TRI-YARD AREA.
BOBBY! HERE'S A FRUIT PIE; YOU GET LADYBIRD.
( whistles ) COME ON.
SMELL THE PIE, GIRL.
COME ON.
ALL RIGHT, SHE'S LOCKED ON BOBBY'S SCENT.
COME ON, GIRL, LET'S GO.
HURRY, HANK! OH, I HOPE HE FINDS BOBBY BEFORE DARK.
IT IS HARD TO FEEL SORRY FOR THAT LITTLE BOY.
THERE ARE WHOLE VILLAGES IN IRELAND WHERE CHILDREN ARE TOO BUSY SEWING WHOOSHES ON TENNIS SHOES TO RUN AWAY.
I HEARD ENOUGH FROM YOU! THE MORE YOU HOLD IN, THE MORE YOU PUT ON STRANGE SINEAD O'CONNOR ACT.
( gasps ) I CRY RIVER OF TEAR FOR BUCKLEY.
WHY NOT YOU? SO I'M NOT CRYING FOR BUCKLEY.
BIG DEAL.
HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT.
Buckley: HEY SO FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY I WANTED TO GET YOU THOSE EARRINGS YOU LIKE? BUT I'M KIND OF TAPPED OU SO HERE'S SOME CDs I DON'T LISTEN TO ANYMORE.
LATER, BUCKLEY.
( sniffling ) ( sobbing ): BUCKLEY.
( gasps ) MY HAIR! I'M SO ALONE.
( sniffling ) ( high-pitched voice): EE-AW! NO, YOU'RE NOT.
( British accent ): YOU'RE RIGHT AS RAIN, WHAT-WHAT? AND SUCH A PRETTY YOUNG THING AS WELL.
( sniffling ) BUT I DON'T WANT TO LOOK PRETTY ANYMORE.
OOH, THAT'S JUST RUBBISH.
EVERY GIRL WANTS TO LOOK PRETTY, RIGHT-HO.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY ON THAT LOVELY WIG? OH HOW DO I LOOK? ( British accent ): OH HMM.
LET'S SEE IT OFF AGAIN? DAD, HOW'D YOU FIND ME? WELL, I LET LADY BIRD SNIFF ONE OF YOUR FRUIT PIES AND SHE TOOK ME AROUND THE BLOCK A FEW TIMES, AND WELL, AND THEN MR.
KRINSKY CALLED AND SAID HE SAW YOU OVER HERE.
OH.
HE WAS PROBABLY JUST LOOKING FOR HIS MOM.
YEAH, SO, UH SO I GUESS YOU'RE UP HERE 'CAUSE OF THE WAY I BEEN ACTING SINCE THE EXPLOSION.
WELL, WHEN THAT HAPPENED, I WAS AFRAID YOU WERE DEAD AND TODAY YOU WERE TALKING TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT DYING, AND I GUESS I FREAKED OUT.
AW, SON, YOU SHOULDN'T BE WORRYING ABOUT THAT STUFF.
HOPEFULLY, IT'S A LONG WAY OFF.
A BOY YOUR AGE OUGHT TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING DATES AND MAKING A TEAM AND YOU KNOW, GETTING DATES.
AND MY DYING SHOULD BE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LIST.
YOU NEED TO RELAX AND ENJOY LIFE.
HUH.
HEY, DID I EVER TELL YOU THE STORY ABOUT THE MAN AND THE TIGER? UH-UH.
WELL, UH, THERE WAS THIS MAN AND HE WAS BEING CHASED BY A FEROCIOUS TIGER.
UH, MAKE THAT A LION.
A DETROIT LION, TWO OF 'EM.
AND THE MAN WAS COWBOY HALL OF FAMER ROGER STAUBACH.
I KNOW HIM.
HE SELLS LIFE INSURANCE ON TV.
YEAH.
WELL, ANYWAY, THE LIONS WERE BLITZING AND ROGER ROLLED OUT OF THE POCKET, RUNNING FOR HIS LIFE.
HE HEADED FOR THE SIDELINES BUT THESE TWO LIONS WERE CLOSING IN ON HIM.
THEN OUT OF THE CORNER OF HIS EYE HE SAW A STRAWBERRY CUP OF GATORADE.
WELL, ROGER TOOK A DRINK OF THAT GATORADE.
BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, SON.
IT WAS THE SWEETEST SIP OF GATORADE ROGER EVER TASTED.
OHH.
I GET IT.
IT'S FUNNY, DAD.
YOU TOLD IT GREAT.
I GOT AN EVEN BETTER JOKE FOR YOU.
UH, OKAY.
TWO ESKIMOS WANT TO BUY A CAR TOGETHER BUT ONLY ONE OF THEM KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE.
SO THEY TAKE A BUS TO THE CAR STORE AND THEY BRING THEIR MONEY WITH THEM.
OH! DID I SAY THEY WERE TRADING IN THEIR DOGSLED? NO.
GOOD.
'CAUSE THAT'S THE PUNCH LINE.
SO THE MONEY MELTS 'CAUSE IT'S A SNOWBALL.
AND THEY GET THERE LATE SO THEY HAVE TO STAY IN A HOTEL.
I'M GONNA LEAVE OUT THE BELLHOP PAR 'CAUSE IT DOESN'T REALLY GO ANYWHERE.
GOD, THIS IS A GOOD JOKE! ( horn honks ) Maria: HANK! LOOK OUT! IT'S GOING TO BLOW! ( dry chuckle ) VERY FUNNY.
HEY, HANK, YOU GOT A LIGHT? THAT'S A REAL GOOD ONE FOR THE 15th TIME.
HELP, HONEY.
MY ARM'S BEEN BLOWN OFF BY PROPANE.
HA-HA, JOE JACK.
SERIOUSLY, BABY THANKS FOR BLOWING UP THE MEGA LO MART.
I DIDN'T BLOW IT UP!
AND NOW MEGA LO MART HAS PR0PANE-- PROPANE AT MEGA LO MART? - I GOTTA LET YOU GO.
- YOU'RE FIRING ME? YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THE TEST NOW.
I GAVE THE JOB TO SOMEBODY ELSE.
HOW YOU DOIN', ARLEN? ARE YOU READY TO SOFT ROCK? I'M BREAKIN' UP WITH YOU.
HUH? ( sniffs ) ( explosion ) - HANK! - CHUCK! BUCKLEY AND LUANNE ARE IN THERE! ( old-man groan ) WE MUST BE GETTING OLD, CONNIE.
WE'RE 12, BOBBY.
WE ARE OLD.
WE'VE GOT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO WITH OUR LIVES.
I'M GOING TO GO TO COLLEGE AND STUDY PROP COMICTRY.
I CAN'T DECIDE BETWEEN BEING A CONCERT VIOLINIS OR LEADING THE FIGHT AGAINST THE OVERUSE OF ANTIBIOTICS.
BE A VIOLINIST.
THAT WAY, I COULD BE YOUR OPENING AC AND WE COULD TRAVEL THE WORLD TOGETHER.
YOUR DAD GOT BLOWN UP.
( gasps ) ( sirens wailing ) HANK! PLEASE! SOMEONE HELP ME! HANK! MY HUSBAND IS IN THERE.
HE HAD TO TAKE THIS JOB BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WOULD HIRE HIM.
WE'RE DOING EVERYTHING WE CAN, MRS.
MANGIONE.
I GOT TWO! OH, HANK! YOU'RE ALIVE! ( grunting ) I'M ALL RIGHT, PEGGY.
THERE'S TWO MORE INSIDE.
OH, THANK GOD, YOU'RE OKAY.
I WAS SO WORRIED.
OH, AND, LUANNE.
OH, MY LORD.
( short scream ) OOH, MY HAIR FEELS WEIRD.
( screaming ) I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.
WHAT ABOUT BUCKLEY? DID YOU FIND HIM? I'M SORRY, SIR, BUT SO FAR IT APPEARS THAT THERE WERE NO OTHER SURVIVORS.
( gasps ) OH, MY GOD.
I'M BALD! WHAT'S TAKING THEM SO LONG? WHEN DO I GET TO SEE DAD? YOUR FATHER AND LUANNE WILL BE OUT SOON, HONEY.
BOBBY, THAT IS NOT A MINT.
( sighs ) ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO HOME.
DAD, YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
IS THERE ANY PERMANENT DAMAGE? NO DAMAGE, NO SCRATCHES, NO DENTS, NO DINGS.
BOBBY, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GO HIT THE BATTING CAGES? OKAY.
HANK, SLOW DOWN.
YOU ALMOST DIED TODAY.
WELL, THAT'S THE GOOD THING ABOUT DEATH.
YOU EITHER DIE OR YOU DON'T.
I DIDN'T, SO LET'S GO HIT SOME BALLS.
HANK, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY? OHH.
CAREFUL, EVERYONE.
NOW, LUANNE IS GOING TO LOOK DIFFERENT, MAYBE EVEN HYPNOTICALLY GROTESQUE BUT DO NOT STARE.
( gasps ) I'M REAL SORRY ABOUT BUCKLEY, LUANNE, AND YOUR HAIR.
BOBBY.
LUANNE, HONEY, IT'LL BE FINE.
WE WILL JUST COVER IT UP WITH MAKEUP, AND IT'LL BE FINE.
NO, AUNT PEGGY.
I'M NOT GOING TO USE HAIR OR MAKEUPS ANYMORE.
I LEARNED SOMETHING FROM THAT EXPLOSION.
BEAUTY DOESN'T LAST FOREVER.
IT CAN BE BLOWN OFF YOUR HEAD.
OH, HANK, YOU POOR THING.
YOU SHOULDN'T BE STANDING AFTER YOUR ACCIDENT.
I'M FINE.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
BUILDINGS EXPLODE.
THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE? BILL, YOU'RE IN FAVOR OF A FLAT TAX.
YOU HAVEN'T SAID A WORD ABOUT IT.
DID YOU HAPPEN TO SEE BUCKLEY OR ANY PART WHOM OF ATTEMPTING TO FLEE THE SCENE OF THE, QUOTE, "ACCIDENT"? DALE, THE BOY IS NO MORE.
ALL THEY FOUND LEFT OF HIM WAS HIS NAME TAG.
WELL, THAT'S ALL HE WANTED THEM TO FIND-- CLASSIC COVER-UP.
THAT BOY'S NO DEADER THAN MOTHER TERESA.
( horn honking ) HANK, OLD GIRL, STRICKLAND'S BACK IN BUSINESS.
GET READY TO PUMP PROPANE TOMORROW.
UH, RIGHT, SIR.
I MIGHT BE A LITTLE LATE.
I DON'T KNOW IF I GAVE MEGA LO MART MY NOTICE.
WHY, I THINK YOU GAVE YOUR NOTICE, NITRO.
( chuckling ) I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT EXPLOSION WHICH HASN'T AFFECTED ME IN ANY WAY.
( phone rings ) HELLO.
PEGGY HERE.
HANK, IT'S MR.
STRICKLAND.
BUSY.
TAKE A MESSAGE.
UH, CAN HE CALL YOU BACK? WHAT? OH, I SEE.
HANK, WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME MR.
STRICKLAND OFFERED YOU YOUR JOB BACK? WELL, IT JUST HAPPENED YESTERDAY.
HONEY, HE SAYS CUSTOMERS ARE LINED UP OUT THE DOOR.
PEGGY, I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF DECRUMBING THE TOASTER.
SAVE THE CRUMBS! LUANNE, HONEY, LOOK.
IT'S TWO OF YOUR OLD FRIENDS THE MANGER BABIES.
( snorts ) SOCK PUPPETS ARE FOR BABIES.
IN THE REAL WORLD, BEAUTY FADES AND PENGUINS DIE A COLD, HORRIBLE DEATH.
SO YOU'RE NOT GOING BACK TO BEAUTY SCHOOL THEN? I'M TIRED OF MAKING THE WORLD LOOK PRETTY.
I WANT TO SHOW THE WORLD FOR WHAT IT IS-- WITH PHOTOJOURNALISM.
PHOTOJOURNALISM-- WELL, THAT'S SOMETHING.
LOOK AT THESE PICTURES OF HUNGRY CHILDREN.
WHY IS THE CNN LOGO IN THE COR OH THIS IS JUST A PICTURE OF THE TV, LUANNE.
OH, IT'S NICE TO BE SMART, AUNT PEGGY-- SMART AND WELL-FED.
FIND THE BODY YET, QUINCY? WE HAVE SOME REMAINS THAT WE'RE ANALYZING.
YOU NEEDN'T CONCERN YOURSELF.
OH, I NEEDN'T, SHOULDN'T I? AND MAYBE I SHOULD NOT KNOW THAT ALL MEGA LO MART EMPLOYEES HAVE A $5,000 INSURANCE POLICY.
THAT'S NONSENSE.
THIS IS A VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD INVESTIGATION.
THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK.
SIR, WE ARE THEY.
( shrieks ) Peggy: HANK, FRIES ARE UP! HONEY, HOW ARE THE STEAKS COMING? UH STILL TENDERIZING.
DON'T WANT TO RUSH 'EM.
YOU HAVE BEEN POUNDING THE BE-"HAYSUS" OUT OF THAT BEEF SINCE NOON.
THROW IT ON THE GRILL.
LET'S GO.
( exhales ) ( hissing ) ( yelps ) ( yelling ) AW, DANG.
W-WHAT'S WRONG? I LOST THE STEAKS.
HUH? MMM.
GOBBETS OF MEAT FROM THE SKY.
DOESN'T TASTE LIKE BUCKLEY.
OH, HANK, THEY NEED YOUR HELP AT BUCKLEY'S WAKE, MANNING THE GRILL.
WHAT? GRILL? UH IS IT PROPANE? OF COURSE IT'S PROPANE, HANK.
THEY'RE NOT UNITARIANS.
UH, WELL, I WOULDN'T FEEL RIGHT.
I BARELY KNEW BUCKLEY.
WAKE GRILLING IS SOMETHING YOU DO FOR A BLOOD RELATIVE OR A CLOSE FRIEND.
NOW, WHEN BILL DIES, MAYBE.
OH, HONEY, WHA A PRETTY, PRETTY OUTFIT FOR A FUNERAL.
NOW, BEFORE WE GO YOU MIGHT WANT TO OPEN THIS.
YOUR FRIENDS FROM THE BEAUTY ACADEMY DROPPED IT OFF.
"SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.
YOU HAD BEAUTIFUL HAIR.
" THEY MADE ME A WIG.
"WE MADE YOU A WIG.
" THEY MADE ME A WIG.
THROW IT OUT.
OKAY WELL, YOU JUST GO AHEAD AND GRIEVE ANY WAY THAT YOU WANT.
REDBOOK SAYS LOSING A BOYFRIEND IS THE FOURTH MOST PAINFUL LOSS-- RIGHT BETWEEN GRANDMOTHER AND PENIS.
OH, I'M NOT GRIEVING.
I BROKE UP WITH BUCKLEY SECONDS BEFORE THE EXPLOSION AND I NEVER LOOKED BACK.
THAT'S WHY I STILL HAVE MY EYEBROWS.
SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT.
A WEEK'S SALARY SAYS THAT BOX IS EMPTY.
I'M GOING IN.
( retching ) OH.
DIDN'T THINK I'D SEE YOU HERE.
GUILTY CONSCIENCE, HUH? WHY WOULD I HAVE A GUILTY CONSCIENCE? I DID NOT BLOW UP THE MEGA LO MART.
OH, GOOD, I'M GLAD YOU SAID THAT, HANK.
I'M WEARING A WIRE FOR AN UNRELATED MATTER.
SO WHEN CAN I EXPECT YOU BACK? UH AFTER AN APPROPRIATE PERIOD OF GRIEVING, SIR.
BUCKLEY WAS PRACTICALLY A SON TO ME.
( playing "Taps" ) ( playing "Feels So Good" ) THIS IS DEPRESSING.
WANT TO GO PLAY IN THE CEMETERY? OKAY.
THE PASSING OF BUCKLEY IS A GREAT LOSS AND A SAD OCCASION.
WOULD ANYONE CARE TO COME UP AND SAY A FEW WORDS ABOUT BUCKLEY? I GUESS Y'ALL EXPECT ME TO CRY FOR BUCKLEY BUT I AM NOT BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO CRY ABOUT.
THIS IS A PICTURE OF WHAT A HUNGRY IRISH CHILD LOOKS LIKE.
FIGHT THE OCCUPATION! FIGHT THE OC-CU-PA-TION! AH.
UH IS THERE ANYONE ELSE WHO'D LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS ABOUT BUCKLEY? ANYBODY AT ALL? NAME OF THE BOY WAS BUCKLEY.
AT FIRST, I DIDN'T MUCH LIKE BUCKLEY, I ADMI BUT THEN WHEN I SAW HOW MUCH HE PISS OFF MY NEIGHBOR MR.
HANK HILL, AND I DECIDE TO SEEK OUT THIS BUCKLEY FELLOW, GET TO KNOW HIM.
I GREW TO LOVE THAT BOY.
NOW THAT HE'S GONE, I FEEL A BIG HOLE IN MY LIFE.
I THINK WE ALL DO.
IS A WORLD WITHOUT BUCKLEY A WORLD WE WANT TO LIVE IN?! AS A BUDDHIST, OF COURSE, I GET COMFORT FROM A STORY.
I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH BUDDHISTS SURE LIKE A STORY.
( chuckling ) AH, ANYWAY, STORY BEGIN WITH MAN BEING CHASED BY FEROCIOUS TIGER.
TIGER CHASE HIM TO EDGE OF CLIFF.
MAN FALLS OFF.
HALFWAY DOWN, HE GRAB ONTO A BRANCH.
HE LOOK UP AND SEE ONE HUNGRY TIGER.
NOW HE LOOK DOWN.
HE SEE ANOTHER HUNGRY TIGER WAITING FOR HIM ON THE GROUND BELOW.
THAT NOT A GOOD PLACE TO BE.
HE KNOW, FOR SURE HE GOING TO DIE.
THEN OUT OF CORNER OF HIS EYE HE SEE A WILD STRAWBERRY, GROWING FROM SAME BRANCH.
OH, HE PLUCK IT AND EAT IT.
AND IT WAS THE SWEETEST-TASTING STRAWBERRY HE EVER HAD.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY? HE TELLS A JOKE AT A FUNERAL.
HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE.
( chuckling ) YEAH, BUT IT WAS FUNNY.
Peggy: I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW ONE LITTLE BOY CAN GET SO DIRTY IN A CEMETERY.
BOBBY, ARE YOU IN THE BATH YET? THERE'S NO HOT WATER! OH, THE HEATER MUST HAVE GONE OUT AGAIN.
WILL YOU CHECK ON IT, HANK? SO IS IT LIT? UH WELL, IT'S GETTING THERE.
OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES, HANK I WILL DO IT MYSELF.
NO! HANK, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU WON'T GO TO WORK; YOU DECLINED AN OPPORTUNITY TO GRILL; AND NOW THIS? YOU ARE ACTING LIKE YOU'RE AFRAID OF PROPANE.
OH MY GOD.
Man: WELCOME TO THE SURVIVORS OF PROPANE EXPLOSIONS SUPPORT GROUP.
LET'S START WITH CHUCK.
EVER SINCE THE EXPLOSION EVERY SONG I PLAY SOUNDS LIKE "FEELS SO GOOD.
" MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE IT DOES FEEL SO GOOD TO BE ALIVE.
NO, THAT'S NOT IT.
MR.
HILL, TELL US HOW YOU'RE DEALING WITH YOUR GRIEF.
NOTHING MUCH TO TALK ABOUT.
I WAS IN A PROPANE EXPLOSION AND NOW I'M AFRAID OF PROPANE.
NEXT PERSON? DO YOU THINK HE NEEDS SHOCK TREATMENT? PERHAPS.
SOUNDS TO ME THAT WHAT YOU'RE REALLY AFRAID OF IS YOUR OWN DEATH.
WHAT? NOBODY'S AFRAID OF DEATH.
THAT'S CRAZY.
I'M AFRAID OF PROPANE.
YOU'RE TRANSFERRING, MR.
HILL.
DOESN'T IT SCARE YOU? THE THOUGHT OF MISSING ALL YOUR FAMILY'S SPECIAL MOMENTS.
NO! NEVER AGAIN SIPPING WINE WITH YOUR FRIENDS, SCRATCHING YOUR CAT, OR CATS.
NO.
MAKING LOVE TO YOUR PARTNER.
NO, NO, NO! ( hissing ) MR.
HILL, ONLY WHEN YOU DEAL WITH YOUR FEAR OF DEATH WILL YOU BE ABLE TO OVERCOME YOUR FEAR OF PROPANE.
STOP IT! CAN'T YOU HEAR THE HISSING? IT'S PROPANE! THIS ROOM'S GONNA BLOW! ( mouthpiece hissing ) HERE.
WHAT'S THIS? IT'S MY SCRAPBOOK.
THIS IS THE WAY THAT RATIONAL PEOPLE DEAL WITH DEATH, HANK-- BY CLIPPING ARTICLES OU ABOUT GRISLY ACCIDENTS FROM THE LOCAL NEWSPAPERS.
IT IS ALSO MY HOBBY.
GOOD LORD.
WHAT? PEGGY, WHAT UGH.
UGH.
UGH.
WOW.
( Peggy sighs ) THEY BEAT THE AGGIES, BUT THEY COULD NOT BEAT THAT TRAIN.
Y'ALL EVER THINK ABOUT DEATH? WELL, YEAH, I THINK ABOUT IT, HANK.
I'M AN ARMY BARBER.
I GET UP EVERY DAY AND STARE DEATH IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD.
I AM NOT GOING TO DIE.
CHROMIUM PICKLE-O-NATE-- EVERY ORIFICE, EVERY DAY.
HEY, HANK! LET ME GIVE YOU PIECE OF ADVICE.
YOU NEED TO RELAX AND ENJOY LIFE.
I GOT THIS STORY ABOUT A TIGER.
KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF.
I ALREADY HEARD THAT JOKE, KHAN.
( chuckling ): STRAWBERRY.
HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT WHO'LL TAKE CARE OF BOBBY WHEN YOU'RE GONE? 'CAUSE I'D LIKE TO THROW MY HAT IN THE RING.
I-I'D TAKE HIM TO BASEBALL GAMES AND ME AND PEGGY COULD SIT UP IN BED AT NIGH PICKING OUT COLLEGES.
PEGGY WOULD NOT BE INCLUDED IN ANY GUARDIANSHIP SITUATION.
I'LL TAKE THE BOY.
THE WIDOW HILL IS ON HER OWN.
YOU GOT A DEAL.
ALL RIGHT.
DON'T SHAKE HIS HAND; LET GO OF THAT.
I'M NOT SAYING BOBBY GOES TO EITHER OF YOU.
WHAT'S GOING ON? I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO BE OKAY.
MAN, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, HANK ABOUT THAT DANG OL' MEANING OF LIFE, MAN.
IT'S LIKE THIS, MAN.
BE LIKE A BUTTERFLY, FLAPPING HIS WINGS DEEP DOWN IN THE FOREST, MAN.
IT GONNA CAUSE A TREE FALL LIKE 5,000 MILES AWAY, MAN.
NOBODY SEE IT; NOBODY DONE DON'T EVEN HAPPEN.
YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE A BABY BORN INTO THIS WORLD AIN'T GOT NO DANG FRIENDS GOT NO NOTHING BUT YOU'RE GONNA COME IN AND FIND OU ALL ABOUT THAT OLD EVIL, MAN.
MAN, SEE, LIKE, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW, MAN.
WHAT YOU GOING IT'S LIKE YOU'RE BORN INTO THIS WORLD, MAN.
IT'S LIKE THIS, MAN, THE DUST AND THE WIND, MAN OR LIKE A DANG OL' CANDLE IN THE WIND, MAN.
IT DON'T MATTER, MAN.
IT'S ALL OLDIES ALL THE TIME.
LIKE THAT DANG OLD "I THINK, THEREFORE YOU ARE," MAN.
WELL, THAT'S WHAT WE TELL OURSELVES ISN'T IT, BOOMHAUER? ALL RIGHT, I CAN DO THIS.
NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF.
HANK! HANK! I CAN'T FIND BOBBY.
CONNIE SAYS HE RAN AWAY, AND HE'S ALREADY BEYOND THE TRI-YARD AREA.
BOBBY! HERE'S A FRUIT PIE; YOU GET LADYBIRD.
( whistles ) COME ON.
SMELL THE PIE, GIRL.
COME ON.
ALL RIGHT, SHE'S LOCKED ON BOBBY'S SCENT.
COME ON, GIRL, LET'S GO.
HURRY, HANK! OH, I HOPE HE FINDS BOBBY BEFORE DARK.
IT IS HARD TO FEEL SORRY FOR THAT LITTLE BOY.
THERE ARE WHOLE VILLAGES IN IRELAND WHERE CHILDREN ARE TOO BUSY SEWING WHOOSHES ON TENNIS SHOES TO RUN AWAY.
I HEARD ENOUGH FROM YOU! THE MORE YOU HOLD IN, THE MORE YOU PUT ON STRANGE SINEAD O'CONNOR ACT.
( gasps ) I CRY RIVER OF TEAR FOR BUCKLEY.
WHY NOT YOU? SO I'M NOT CRYING FOR BUCKLEY.
BIG DEAL.
HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT.
Buckley: HEY SO FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY I WANTED TO GET YOU THOSE EARRINGS YOU LIKE? BUT I'M KIND OF TAPPED OU SO HERE'S SOME CDs I DON'T LISTEN TO ANYMORE.
LATER, BUCKLEY.
( sniffling ) ( sobbing ): BUCKLEY.
( gasps ) MY HAIR! I'M SO ALONE.
( sniffling ) ( high-pitched voice): EE-AW! NO, YOU'RE NOT.
( British accent ): YOU'RE RIGHT AS RAIN, WHAT-WHAT? AND SUCH A PRETTY YOUNG THING AS WELL.
( sniffling ) BUT I DON'T WANT TO LOOK PRETTY ANYMORE.
OOH, THAT'S JUST RUBBISH.
EVERY GIRL WANTS TO LOOK PRETTY, RIGHT-HO.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY ON THAT LOVELY WIG? OH HOW DO I LOOK? ( British accent ): OH HMM.
LET'S SEE IT OFF AGAIN? DAD, HOW'D YOU FIND ME? WELL, I LET LADY BIRD SNIFF ONE OF YOUR FRUIT PIES AND SHE TOOK ME AROUND THE BLOCK A FEW TIMES, AND WELL, AND THEN MR.
KRINSKY CALLED AND SAID HE SAW YOU OVER HERE.
OH.
HE WAS PROBABLY JUST LOOKING FOR HIS MOM.
YEAH, SO, UH SO I GUESS YOU'RE UP HERE 'CAUSE OF THE WAY I BEEN ACTING SINCE THE EXPLOSION.
WELL, WHEN THAT HAPPENED, I WAS AFRAID YOU WERE DEAD AND TODAY YOU WERE TALKING TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT DYING, AND I GUESS I FREAKED OUT.
AW, SON, YOU SHOULDN'T BE WORRYING ABOUT THAT STUFF.
HOPEFULLY, IT'S A LONG WAY OFF.
A BOY YOUR AGE OUGHT TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING DATES AND MAKING A TEAM AND YOU KNOW, GETTING DATES.
AND MY DYING SHOULD BE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LIST.
YOU NEED TO RELAX AND ENJOY LIFE.
HUH.
HEY, DID I EVER TELL YOU THE STORY ABOUT THE MAN AND THE TIGER? UH-UH.
WELL, UH, THERE WAS THIS MAN AND HE WAS BEING CHASED BY A FEROCIOUS TIGER.
UH, MAKE THAT A LION.
A DETROIT LION, TWO OF 'EM.
AND THE MAN WAS COWBOY HALL OF FAMER ROGER STAUBACH.
I KNOW HIM.
HE SELLS LIFE INSURANCE ON TV.
YEAH.
WELL, ANYWAY, THE LIONS WERE BLITZING AND ROGER ROLLED OUT OF THE POCKET, RUNNING FOR HIS LIFE.
HE HEADED FOR THE SIDELINES BUT THESE TWO LIONS WERE CLOSING IN ON HIM.
THEN OUT OF THE CORNER OF HIS EYE HE SAW A STRAWBERRY CUP OF GATORADE.
WELL, ROGER TOOK A DRINK OF THAT GATORADE.
BUT I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, SON.
IT WAS THE SWEETEST SIP OF GATORADE ROGER EVER TASTED.
OHH.
I GET IT.
IT'S FUNNY, DAD.
YOU TOLD IT GREAT.
I GOT AN EVEN BETTER JOKE FOR YOU.
UH, OKAY.
TWO ESKIMOS WANT TO BUY A CAR TOGETHER BUT ONLY ONE OF THEM KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE.
SO THEY TAKE A BUS TO THE CAR STORE AND THEY BRING THEIR MONEY WITH THEM.
OH! DID I SAY THEY WERE TRADING IN THEIR DOGSLED? NO.
GOOD.
'CAUSE THAT'S THE PUNCH LINE.
SO THE MONEY MELTS 'CAUSE IT'S A SNOWBALL.
AND THEY GET THERE LATE SO THEY HAVE TO STAY IN A HOTEL.
I'M GONNA LEAVE OUT THE BELLHOP PAR 'CAUSE IT DOESN'T REALLY GO ANYWHERE.
GOD, THIS IS A GOOD JOKE! ( horn honks ) Maria: HANK! LOOK OUT! IT'S GOING TO BLOW! ( dry chuckle ) VERY FUNNY.
HEY, HANK, YOU GOT A LIGHT? THAT'S A REAL GOOD ONE FOR THE 15th TIME.
HELP, HONEY.
MY ARM'S BEEN BLOWN OFF BY PROPANE.
HA-HA, JOE JACK.
SERIOUSLY, BABY THANKS FOR BLOWING UP THE MEGA LO MART.
I DIDN'T BLOW IT UP!