Lab Rats (2012) s02e20 Episode Script

1 ( Into microphone ) Morning, germ sacks.
I know that you've all been complaining that the technology around here isn't quite ( Microphone feedback ) (Clears throat ) Isn't quite ( Feedback continues ) ( High pitch feedback, students groan ) State of the art.
( Chuckles ) So, thanks to yours truly, we're getting cutting-edge equipment for the whole school to enjoy.
Jojo! Betty! Let's go, ladies.
Wheel it like it's hot.
Behold! Mission creek high's brand new media center! I don't think you can call it technology if you have to change the channel with pliers.
Why do I smell formaldehyde? 'Cause I found it on a curb outside the morgue.
I'm getting all my Christmas presents there, too.
Aunt dotty's gettin' sheets! How is this thing new? New to you, lady-face.
Oh, terribly sorry to trouble you, but could you help me find me locker? I-I'm sorry, I don't speak leprechaun.
But he is fluent in doofus.
Oh, you're right there at 324.
Brilliant.
Mm-hmm.
Oh! I'm alistair, by the way.
Foreign exchange student from Ireland.
Oh.
Nice to meet you, alistair.
I'm Bree, and this is my brother Adam.
I can show you around, and he Can show you how to warm up a sandwich in your armpit.
Mmm.
But I'm warning you, the cheese sticks are gonna get messy.
Welcome to America.
Cheers.
Wait a second.
New kid? From a foreign country? Do you know what this means? That you're not the only one we'll have to speak slowly to? ( Sighs ) No.
He's a bionic spy.
Well, think about it.
Marcus was the "new kid," and look what happened with him.
We can't take any chances.
( Sighs ) You hold him down, I'll strip him for parts.
No! Adam, you are overreacting.
Alistair seems like a nice guy.
You know who also seemed like a nice guy? Marcus! Alistair's a bionic spy, and I'm gonna prove it.
Even if I have to learn how to speak Ireland-ish.
Okay, let's fire up the media center! Okay, okay Minor setback.
For the record, you all look much better in this light.
The world's first bionic super-humans.
They're stronger than us, faster, smarter.
The next generation of the human race is Living in my basement? lab rats lab rats Lab rats lab rats Lab rats Leo, read what's on page 47 of your history book.
I don't have a page 47.
I have a four, a twelve, a thirty-two, and what I hope is gum on ninety-eight.
This book is so old.
Listen to this.
Chapter four, "horse-less carriages taking over the streets of America.
" Other schools teach on laptops and tablets.
We're reading from textbooks that warn us the British are coming.
We need to do something to bring mission creek high to the 21st century.
Ooh, maybe I can help.
( Chase and Leo ) No! What? I am a genius tech mogul! I could revolutionize your whole school.
Why wouldn't you want me to help? Because every time you try to help, it starts in a good place, but then your ego takes over and ruins everything.
That is not true.
Give me one example.
Last week you gave me a new backpack.
You said you needed a backpack.
A backpack Not this.
All the guys in the office love theirs.
Trust me, they don't.
You don't get it.
This is our school you're talking about.
Yeah, whatever disaster you create there will affect us every day.
Guys, I promise I won't embarrass you.
This is about your school, not about me.
Well, our school could really use the help Fine.
But you keep that ego under control.
( Scoffs ) Don't worry, my ego is officially checked.
( Phone ringing ) Davenport! Davenport! Somebody wants to call Davenport! What? Come on, that's just catchy.
Hey, guys! Check it out! Electronic bulletin boards, tablets instead of textbooks And this is the coolest part.
Check it out.
By the end of today I will have fingerprint scanners on all the lockers.
Yes! We were gonna do retinal scanning, but it turns out eyeballs are highly flammable.
( Beeping ) ( Automated voice ) Hello, Leo dooley.
( Chuckles ) So, what do you think? I think it's gonna be a lot harder to get out of when someone locks me inside.
Ah.
I gotta hand it to you, Mr.
Davenport.
This is amazing.
See? I told you it would be great.
( Robotic sounds ) Oh, and I see you gave principal Perry a makeover.
I especially love what you did to her face.
Zip it, dooley.
That's not principal Perry.
That's robo Perry.
She's a robot! And she's beautiful! Make it stop! Oh.
( Sighs ) Anyway, I designed robo Perry so she could roam the halls, handing out detentions while I'm on a three-hour lunch break! Or lurking elsewhere.
How could you do this? Simple.
I, uh, took the foundations of a robot I built for private security and I repurposed the software.
And then, of course, I matched her vocal pattern.
It wasn't easy matching the sounds of a gravel truck unloading with a bear in labor, but I got it.
I always wanted a super cute twin sister.
( Gasps ) I'm gonna buy us matching bikinis.
And I'm gonna gouge my eyes out.
Both: Shut it, dooley! Thanks, Don! H-hey yeah, you're welcome.
Yeah.
Why would you make another Perry? Principal Perry said if I make her life easier, she's gonna name a wing of the school after me.
You sold us out just to have your name above a doorway? Once again, your ego takes over and ruins everything.
Hey.
If my name on this school brings more prestige and funding because I'm so awesome, that's a win-win-win.
That's three wins! That's a daven-win! Oh, hey, Adam.
Toss me my water bottle.
Wow! I believe this is yours.
How'd you grab that so fast? Yeah! How'd you do that? Must be me quick reflexes.
( Mouthing ) Or maybe it's just the luck of the Irish! No? Not not digging the Irish? I, I can do American? (In American accent ) I like pick-up trucks, spring break, and extra-large portions.
Yee-haw! W-wait, what happened to your accent? Pretty cool, huh? It's one of me special abilities.
I can sound like almost anybody.
French, German.
Russian! (In Russian accent) It is a pleasure to be in your country.
Wow.
That's pretty impressive.
( New York accent ) There's plenty more where that came from, sweetheart.
Hey, some day, and that day may never come, maybe you'll do an impression for me, yeah? Did you hear that? He said "special abilities.
" I know.
And that accent thing was just like my vocal manipulation! Yeah! ( Sighs ) But your old Italian guy's way better than his.
Keep it up, chip Parker, and you will be in detention forever you Searching-database- for-insult Mouth-breather.
Great.
Everybody at school hates us.
Yeah, but now it's high-tech hate.
Hey, how come you guys aren't eating in the davenporteria? Funny thing.
When your dad creates an even worse version of the worst principal ever, kids tend to turn on you.
Look, don't worry.
I'm sure this will all blow over once kids get used to robo Perry.
Remember when you first met Leo? You couldn't stand him.
Donny d.
! Principal p.
! Oh! Boo! Old people.
You don't think you are, but you are.
You are a genius.
And you are a master of the obvious.
( Both laughing ) Cheers! ( Sighs ) Robo Perry is amazing.
I know it's only been a few days but ( Inhales ) Do you smell that? ( Sniffing ) Moist cat food? I was running late, I grabbed a can.
I thought it was tuna! Live with it! Fear.
It's fear.
And it's everywhere.
It's the best smell in the world.
I prefer crisply-minted hundreds, but whatever floats your boat, Perry bomb.
Listen, I was telling the superintendent how wonderful robo Perry is, and he's bringing the entire school board by this afternoon to check her out.
Soon, if we're lucky, there'll be a robo Perry in every school in the district.
And, after that, every school in America! ( Chuckles ) Oh-ho-ho! Great.
Now kids we've never met will hate us.
Donald Davenport, the children's savior.
I'm gonna make so much money.
( Both laughing ) And as your partner, I'll be happy to give you 30%.
Well, I think you're forgetting who created this work of genius.
Well, I think you're forgetting who's putting the deal together.
Hmm.
Why don't we go discuss this in my office? I think a lot more clearly in my butt-massaging chair.
I'm sorry, I blacked out after the word "chair.
" Okay.
Before we do anything drastic, we need proof that alistair's a bionic spy.
Right.
Go into mission mode.
Okay, I'll interrogate him and see if he slips up, but we have to be subtle.
So, let me handle this.
Right.
Go into subtle mode.
So, alistair.
What brings you to America? Well, it's a beautiful country and the people are What are you doing? What are you doing? Just having a little lunch.
You know, recharging me batteries.
Oh, so you run on batteries now? What's your game, mister? Maybe I should just take me chips and go.
Chips, huh? And what chips would those be? The bionic chip in your head? Where are you going? Are you scared? You should be, 'cause we're onto you! Be honest, was that too subtle? ( Sighs ) Okay, coast is clear, everyone's in class, and robo Perry is charging.
I just need to find out where Mr.
Davenport put her control panel.
Hundreds, hundreds of places to choose from and he puts it there.
Have fun.
She's a robot.
How does she sweat? ( Sighs ) There we go.
Instead of seeing robo Perry patrolling the halls, the school board will see this ( Music plays ) ( Davenport screams ) What did you guys do to her? Tapped into her control panel and adjusted the settings.
You messed with us, now it's payback time.
N-no no! Robo Perry's original programming was for military patrol.
If any unauthorized user tampers with it, it resets to its factory default.
So reset her date and time.
Big deal.
The factory default is, "search and destroy.
" Now it's locked in and I can't stop it! Threat detected.
Ahh! Destroy.
Ahh! ( Crashing sound ) Now, that's what you call a daven-splat.
Out of my way, space-wasters.
We've got to stop her before she destroys the whole school.
I think we can divert her attention and lure her into that empty classroom.
We just need some bait.
Me? Why me? Well, because you're You are Brave? Both: Brave.
Hmm? Yep.
All right, I'll do it.
( Softly ) Hey, robo Perry, over Oh, get over there! Hey, over here, buds and bolts! Tiny threat detected.
Okay, I am too big to be tiny, and too tiny to be a threat.
Ahh! ( Indistinct yelling ) ( Leo yells, loud bang ) Ooh! ( Leo yells ) ( Both groan, Leo screams ) Aim for the bolts! ( Grunts, panting ) Leo, are you okay? Boys, I've seen some things.
Since your "subtle" interrogation failed, I think it's time we try a different tactic.
Or we could do exactly what we did before and hope for a different result.
No, I'm talking about a friendly game of dodgeball.
Oh.
If alistair is bionic, his instinctive reflexes will automatically kick in.
Okay.
But if it doesn't work, he and I are gonna play a little game called truth or wedgie.
Hey, alistair! Oh, hello, guys.
Bree and I want to introduce you to a great American game called dodgeball.
Oh, that sounds lovely.
How do you ( Grunts ) Play? ( Groans ) You're doing great, buddy! Hey, Adam.
Those don't look like bionic reflexes.
Oh, but that's because he knows we suspect him, so he's hiding them.
This guy is good.
Ahh! You know, it's a good thing this guy is bionic, or this would really hurt.
Oh! How could you guys do this to me? We had to.
You doubled the Perry, which doubled our pain! Pain? You don't know pain! I am a damaged little boy.
( Robotic sounds ) Look, maybe you guys are right.
From now on, I will not let my ego get the better of me.
Which shouldn't be hard, because I am so awesome at everything.
Here's where I work with my students Oh, great.
The school board.
This demonstration will show that mission creek high is the school of the future.
And there's the man who's 30% responsible for it, Donald Davenport.
( Chuckling ) Principal Perry! What's the word, Donny bird? ( Both laughing ) Uh, where's robo me? Uh, she is, uh, supervising a parent-teacher conference.
Oh.
( Loud banging ) It's not going well.
Well, get that beautiful hunk of metal out here.
I want to show her off.
Oh, why don't we just stay out here and look at that big, beautiful hunk of you? ( Robo Perry grunts ) Ahh! There she is! Come give your sissy a kissy.
Threat detected.
Threat? I'm no threat.
What are you What are you talking about? Destroy! Destroy! Destroy me? Oh, honey, many have tried.
I don't think so.
( Grunting ) All right, I don't know what's going on, but you are going down, metal me! No, you are going down, fleshy me.
( Perry screams ) We're not getting much of an education, but where else can you see this? We've been torturing this kid all day.
Maybe he's not bionic.
Oh, Bree, this is America.
He is guilty until proven innocent.
One last test.
Alistair! Buddy! You wanna hang with Bree and me? It'll be fun.
You know, maybe it's a cultural thing, but my idea of fun involves a lot fewer bruises.
Oh, ally.
Look, if you don't want people to stop picking on you, you should probably pump some iron.
Oh, no, I'm good, rea No, I really think you should.
No.
To be honest, I'm not much of a weightlifter.
Oh, come on! You can do it.
But, you know, I got some studying to do, and I really should just be Stop arguing with me and just do it! ( High-pitched scream ) Adam? What? Oh! Do you think he saw? Don! What's going on? I don't think I can hold her much longer.
She's strong.
You must have given her some of my unbridled rage.
Ahh! ( Loud crash ) Careful.
Principal Perry! Principal Perry, you have to help me! Adam and ( Gasps, screams ) ( Groaning ) Oh! Now, she knows how to lift.
I see stars and yellow moons and green clovers.
Well, that settles that.
He's definitely not bionic.
Yep.
But "leprechaun" is still on the table.
Mr.
Davenport, how are we gonna stop robo Perry? We don't have a choice.
You're gonna have to use your bionics.
You want us to expose ourselves in front of the school board? No, he wants us to use our bionics in front of the school board.
This guy! No.
Look, we have to do something! Robo Perry is gonna destroy the entire school! Just do it! Ahh! Adam: Oh! There can be only one! Still one too many.
Hey, alistair.
Uh, look, about yesterday, with the weight rack To be honest, I can't really remember much about yesterday.
Wh you can't? No.
I knocked me noggin somehow.
Everything after dodgeball's just a blur.
Speaking of dodgeball I've been practicing.
I even put a team together.
All foreign exchange students.
Bree: Oh.
Lads, Lasses, show 'em what you got.
As you Americans like to say ( American accent ) You just got schooled, playas! Holla!