Lucas Bros Moving Co (2013) Episode Scripts

N/A - Big Head Mike

Finally, I'd just like to thank you for voting Jake's junkyard into the greenpoint small business association.
You can always trust your favorite snake.
Jake the Snake.
Thank you.
Now one last piece of business, guys.
This weekend is our third annual three-on-three round-robin basketball tournament.
Yeah.
This year the winner gets three fast passes to Coney Island.
You'll be able to cut all the lines.
Dude, we gotta get those fast passes.
Man, I'd do anything to ride the Cyclone.
- Really? - Yep.
- Would you wait in line? - No.
1x06 - Big Head Mike Jerrod's gotten pretty good.
Man, maybe this year we'll actually win those fast passes.
This is our year, brothers.
We got the tournament on lock.
I even got a full ride to John Stark's basketball clinic for adults.
We're finally gonna beat the Barber Shop.
Well, well.
If it isn't Mary Fake and Ashy Olsen.
What's up, Barber Shop? Talk all the trash you want.
We're gonna beat you this year.
Jerrod might learn how to ball, but one dude ain't beatin' all three of us.
We don't just have Jerrod.
We have a super-secret weapon.
We modified our Js.
We made 'em into pumps.
We took the two greatest shoes of the 90s - and combined 'em.
- That's Frankenstein, bitch.
And with these pumps we can dunk now.
That is shoe blasphemy.
Don't listen to him, pumps.
He don't know about shoes.
All right, let's do this.
I believe I can fly.
My ankle! Oh, man, I'm sorry, Jerrod.
Yeah, it worked a lot better when we did it in our minds.
Lucas brothers moving company.
Tip-off's in five minutes.
Yeah, what are we gonna do? We're down a third man.
Gosh dang it.
Hey, guys, sorry.
We're gonna have to pick this thing up tomorrow morning.
You guys, this is divine intervention.
You got till the morning to find another player.
You could still win this tournament.
- Yo, what does divine intervention mean? - Well, divine means god.
And intervention means something about drugs.
So I think it means god smokes weed.
Why would god smoke weed? Why wouldn't he smoke? 'cause he created weed.
So obviously he has to test his product out first.
They never have interventions about weed.
Maybe god does harder drugs.
- You think so? - Yeah, I know so.
Dear god, it's the Lucas Bros.
I know we don't talk much, god, but right now we need you for something that's really important probably the most important thing you're going to have to deal with all day.
Yeah, we really want to win this basketball tournament.
All we need is a third man to win the game for us.
You know what would be really great? If Michael Jordan was on our team.
Yeah, if we could get Michael Jordan that would be really convenient for us.
God, you're all powerful, so make this happen.
Amen, and peace.
- Good night, Kenny.
- Good night, Keef.
Good night, Michael Jordan bobblehead.
Dude, are you making us breakfast? Nah, I'm still asleep.
- Are you making us breakfast? - No, I'm not.
Good morning, Lucas brothers.
Here's a big bowl of fruity holes.
Holy snap, it's Michael Jordan.
- God did it.
- Thank you, god.
You need your sugar if you want to put 110% into the big game.
That's 100%.
And that - is 110%.
- This is amazing.
Can't forget the O.
J.
My philosophy is you gotta put 110% into everything.
Fast passes.
Hey, Barry, we got this new guy playing with us.
His name is Michael Jordan.
Is he a member of the small business association? Yep, he's our newest mover.
Michael Jordan is a Lucas brother.
Hey, look at this bobbly-headed bitch.
Good luck bobbling your way to second place.
Word to whoever mother pushed that big head dude out.
Hey, relax, Michael Jordan.
Don't let those dudes get in your big-ass head.
- Your big head is awesome.
- Thanks, guys.
Hey, did you really mean what you said back there about me being a Lucas brother? Of course, man.
You are a Lucas brother.
I've never been this happy.
- Hey, Lucas brothers.
What's up? - Hey, who is this? Who is he?! - Ahh! - Is he bothering you? - No, take it easy.
He's cool.
- It's Jerrod.
Whoa! Okay, okay.
I just wanted to wish you guys luck.
I know you can win if you give it 100%.
You mean 110%? Yeah.
Yeah yeah.
Whatever you say.
Okay, guys.
On three.
Lucas brothers and not Jerrod.
One, two, three.
Lucas brothers and not Jerrod! Wait, what? Oh snap.
Oh snap.
Oh snap.
All right, folks, this is it.
The championship.
Lucas Bros Moving Co vs.
the Barber Shop.
Got it! Ha ha ha! Take that! Can it! Lucas brothers call time-out.
I'm not gonna lie.
The Barber Shop is good.
They're expecting me to drive, though, so what I'm gonna do is pass to you guys and you guys are gonna score and win the game for us.
Mike, I don't like that plan at all.
Yeah, Mike, we're really bad at basketball.
And we really want to win the fast passes, so we shouldn't do this.
I know you guys can do it.
I believe in you.
I've done 100% of the work.
Now it's time for you Lucas brothers to put in the final 10%.
That's 110%.
That was very inspiring, Michael Jordan.
We know what we gotta do.
- Yeah, we got a secret weapon.
- Yep.
I'm open.
That's traveling, man! That's a point, and the winner of this year's tournament is the Lucas brothers.
Three cheers for the three Lucas brothers.
This is some small business [bleep].
Here are your three fast passes.
Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go put some colored sand into glass bottles because some of us got small businesses to run.
Who wants to ride the Cyclone? - Me, me.
I do.
Me.
- Oh, Mike, you can't go.
We only got three fast passes and we gotta take Jerrod.
- He's like a brother to us.
- But you said that I was a Lucas brother.
Yeah, you were.
But we assumed since you were magic you would just disappear in a cloud of smoke after we won.
- Exactly.
- But I gave 110%.
You did, Mike, and for that, you should be really proud of yourself.
All right, brothers.
Let's bounce.
Peace, Michael Jordan.
See you when we see you.
Fast pass, fast pass, fast pass.
Look, don't feel too bad.
At least you still got that big-ass head.
Ooh! Be blessed.
Fast pass, fast pass.
Fast pass.
All right, brothers, I gotta roll to the little cowboys room, but I'll meet you at the Cyclone in the front.
Fast pass! Cool.
We're gonna go grab some funnel cake.
Funnel cake! - Hey, no cuts.
- Fast pass.
- That is only for rides.
- Two funnel cakes, please.
Ha ha.
Make that three.
Uh Hey Mike, what are you doing here? You said I'd see you when I'd see you.
- Well, now you see me.
- Uh, what's with the new outfit? You like it, right? I knew you would.
I mean, you should.
They're your clothes.
I broke into your apartment and took them out of your hamper.
That's a little weird.
Hey, man, how'd you grow a beard so fast? I glued my own pubes to my face.
Now let's ride the Cyclone.
Lucas brothers! - Hey, no cutting.
- We got fast passes.
Mike, we already told you we don't have an extra fast pass.
It's cool.
I got Jerrod's.
- Why do you have Jerrod's? - Wait, where is Jerrod? Brothers.
Michael Jordan tied me to the tracks of the Cyclone.
He's trying to kill me.
Is that true, Michael Jordan? Wait, where's Michael Jordan? Once this roller coaster crushes Jerrod no one will stand in the way of us being together forever! You gotta help me.
- What are we gonna do? - Use your secret weapon.
Wait, what secret weapon? Hey, Kenny, did you bring some nunchucks? - I didn't bring any nunchucks, man.
- I didn't bring any either.
No, the shoes.
- What? - The shoes.
- The shoes? - Oh, it's gotta be the shoes.
Oh.
Let's pump 'em up.
The shoes they pumped them too much! I guess God took him back to space.
Thanks for saving me, brothers.
Jerrod, I'm sorry that our relationship with Michael Jordan - almost got you killed.
- It's not your fault, guys.
Michael Jordan liked to give 110% to everything, but I guess with friendship 110% might be 10% too much.
Finally, with this last grain of colored sand I will make this small business a big business.
Oh, no.
My big business.
Oh, snap.