Masters of Sex Episode Scripts

N/A - Three's a Crowd

Previously on Masters Of Sex I think this is a Trojan horse.
I think you've released this material to piggyback on the so-called sexual revolution.
Mr.
Buckland, we are the sexual revolution.
Ready, Mrs.
Masters? There's no way that great Bill Masters is going to admit he's shooting blanks.
No, you cannot do that at school.
You know that, right? Yeah.
I want you to talk to Tessa.
She won't listen to a word I say.
The sergeant and I have discussed this, and I want to do this now.
Uh, you want to? To enlist.
You forgot to mention it to me? Gin, I didn't think he meant it.
If they had their mother around them more, If we meet him halfway on this, we can reason with him.
We're gonna do everything we can to make sure our boy is safe.
I cannot have our son come home in a flag-draped coffin.
You're not exactly yourself.
I think my children deserve better than a mother that gets by on two Serax every day.
Serax? For, uh, depression? I've thought a lot about my marriage.
I don't need Bill to be all things as long as my home and my family stays intact.
Your home is safe.
We do understand each other, Gin.
You're pregnant.
Is it true? Am I right? - I need to hear you say it.
- Bill.
- Please.
- I'm pregnant.
- Jesus.
- I know.
Jesus, Virginia.
What is it? It's very unfortunate.
- You think so? - Don't you? Of course I think so.
I mean, the timing, the book.
We're right on the cusp, Virginia.
I realize that.
It's also What? impossible, given It's George's.
George's? Yes.
George Johnson? Yes, Bill.
We had a moment up at the lake.
A moment? We were both terribly upset about Henry enlisting, and we just-- You just? Yes.
We just.
Once.
It happened once.
You're having a baby with your ex-husband.
- No.
- You just said-- I said that I was pregnant.
I did not say I was having a baby.
I see.
A-and yet I was waiting Un-- until this was done.
I-I didn't want to be incapacitated for this.
And I-- I guess I was hoping that maybe the problem would take care of itself.
But it hasn't, so I will.
The alternative is it's ludicrous.
I mean, given everything, could you even imagine? No.
And you're all right? N-nauseated, clearly.
All right with? Of course.
Of course I am.
You don't have to worry.
I've already made an appointment.
Where? Because there's only one place, one doctor-- Dr.
Ennis.
Yes.
I'm seeing him the day after tomorrow.
And that'll be that.
Should I be worried? You haven't even taken off your coat.
Did I wake you? No, no.
I was waiting up.
I wanted to hear how it went.
Oh, I told you on the phone.
Well.
It went well.
Yes, but your voice sounded funny.
Strained.
I-I thought maybe you were waiting to deliver the bad news in person.
There's no-- there's no bad news.
The press was very positive.
So you're celebrating.
I am.
Hooray.
Well, that's Wonderful, Bill.
What a triumph.
I know how anxious you've been.
M-maybe now you can breathe a little easier.
I intend to.
Enjoy the fruits of your labors, take a break from all those late nights burning the midnight oil.
Spend some time with the kids.
Of course.
Howie's over his cold.
I meant to ask.
Johnny made $3 helping the couple next door hang wallpaper.
They're very nice, the Edleys.
He's a-a big guy, a former football player.
Maybe he could help you clean the rain gutters.
I thought you were calling a service.
Yes, well You should see how they've cleaned up the place.
Well You will.
They've invited us to dinner.
Lib, please.
You know I'm not one for socializing.
But I am.
And it would be really nice to have some new friends.
To have friends, period.
We have friends.
We have Virginia.
She's lovely, but it's not enough.
It's not enough for me.
They asked Johnny if I was a single mother.
Can you imagine? Moved in a week ago, and they haven't seen you coming or going, so we are going to remedy that, you and I.
I'm making pigs in blankets.
Take off your coat, Bill.
Welcome home.
Keys, please.
Wasn't that the deal? I don't go into your purse, you don't go into mine.
Y-you can't have the car today, Tessa.
No.
Remember, Susan, Nina, and I are going downtown after school today to line up for Bob Dylan tickets.
So I'll drop you at the office and pick you up when you're done.
I'm not going in this morning.
Then why do you need the car? Because I have an appointment.
With a-a travel agent.
Bill and I have a lot of trips planned in connection with the book, and so I'm-- I'm interviewing a travel agent who will make those accommodations for us - from now on.
- So I'll drive you.
I don't know how long it's going to take.
So then I'll drop you and you'll take a cab to the office.
I may not go into the office.
So then you'll take a cab home.
Tessa Why can't you just ask one of your friends to drive you? No, I can't, because I said you said I could have the car.
You promised me, and-- No, I did not promise.
I said "We'll see.
" "We'll see" is not a no.
Tessa, come on.
If you meant "No," you should have said "No" because all that "We'll see" does is make me think it's possible, and then I end up ruining things, not just for myself, but for my friends, when really you have no intention of saying "Yes.
" Fine.
Then next time, I'll just say "No" from the beginning.
So what, now I can never have the car? Tessa, what do you want from me? I just want you to be aware of all the things you ruin for me because you don't remember, or because you promise and then change or your mind, or because you think what's going on with you is more important than what's going on with me.
You have no idea what is going on with me, Tessa! I know you're planning business trips that'll take you away that'll leave me to fend for myself, which I'm fine to do as long as you don't make it impossible for me to do things like go to a Bob Dylan concert, which is a small reward for piratically raising myself! I'm-- I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said that.
I'm sorry, too, about the car.
So you'll reschedule with the travel-agent person? No, Tessa, I will not.
God, mom! You're the worst mom ever, you know that? And I'm not the only one who thinks so.
Whatever that call was, it put you 20 minutes behind schedule.
You had the Volgers at 9:30, which means I had to push the McCormicks to 11:00.
The McCormicks.
Uh, dyspareunia? No, that's the McClintocks.
The McCormicks are impotence after penile trauma.
And little brown wants to get the two of you on the horn this morning to do a quick postmortem after the press conference, but Virginia isn't in yet.
I'll handle it.
Virginia's out today.
In fact, she may be out all week.
Oh.
Is she sick? Next month-- what do we have the second Friday? Uh, that is the 12th, and the Levanders are coming in from Phoenix for a follow-up.
Move them to the following week.
Well, if I recall, Mr.
Levander was already gonna be here that week on-- Reschedule it, Betty.
Block off that entire morning.
No patients, no pharma salesmen, no window washers.
What's going on? Remind Lester to wear a tie that day.
And you might want to dig something out of the back of your closet that goes below the knee.
Mrs.
Johnson? Mrs.
Johnson? Oh, yes.
Sorry.
The doctor's ready for you.
First, I'm going to insert the speculum.
Nurse.
And then you're gonna feel a slight pinch.
That's the anesthetic.
It's gonna numb you right up.
Give it a second to start working.
Deep breaths.
Okay, tell me.
Can you feel this? This? And this? I don't feel anything.
The elevators are to remain out of operation for the rest of the afternoon.
The door on the stairwell will be locked from both sides.
Now, this is the only point of entry, correct? As far as I'm aware.
Yes.
Yes, it is.
And all staff members are accounted for? Everybody's here.
We'll need to ask that no one enter or exit the office for the length of the appointment.
And the blinds should be drawn in every room.
I'll make sure that's taken care of right away.
Thank you.
And what's in here? That's the lab.
What is that? It's, uh That's a dildo.
What are we supposed to do when they get here-- bow or curtsy? Oh, I have-- I have no idea.
Dr.
Masters.
A pleasure.
The pleasure is ours, sir.
Please.
May I introduce my associate.
So nice to meet you, Your Majesty.
Your Highness? I'm so-- I'm so sorry.
I have no idea what to call you.
Your grateful servant.
Of course, there was no reason to think that it wouldn't happen right away.
My husband and I are both very healthy, and my cycles are quite regular.
But after three years of trying, we became concerned.
St.
Louis is a long way to travel.
Surely there are other fertility specialists closer to home.
Mm, we've seen them all.
They tell us the problem is mine-- a low sperm count.
Did they suggest a treatment? It has been difficult to find a doctor who would share anything more than his advice.
None of them wanted to risk damaging his reputation should the treatment not be successful.
The stakes are very high.
Not just for ourselves.
The laws of succession in my country require our union to produce an heir.
The next Shah of Iran.
It is a tall order, Doctor.
Well, I'll do everything in my power to facilitate it.
And I can tell you that Dr.
Masters has had tremendous success with his capping procedure.
Which is where we'll start.
Capping tends to be quite effective in cases like yours.
I will have the exam room readied.
May I ask-- Was this kind of intervention necessary in your case? My case? Oh, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have assumed-- No, I-- I didn't think that I was showing.
Only in the way a woman hoping for a child can see.
You put your hand on your stomach when Dr.
Masters was speaking? The baby was kicking his? I don't know.
I was paying attention-- Oh, but you must.
May I? I don't mean to be forward, but maybe your good fortune will rub off on me.
Let's hope.
Bill? She's one patient.
And her antenna was up.
A few days ago, I heard Betty ask if you were eating for two.
That's an express-- I asked her if I could finish her coleslaw.
She was joking.
Lester told me he had to send back a woman's lab coat in size medium.
He assumed the company sent it in error.
Since when does he open the mail? Virginia, it's time for you to go.
I really think that I can manage a little while longer.
We can squeeze in a few interviews before the book.
All it takes is for one journalist to notice.
I'll wear clothing that's more forgiving, or I'll sit behind a table the entire time.
We can't take that risk.
- You know that.
- Yes, but-- If something's gonna raise people's hackles, it's got to be the content of the work, not the morality of its researchers.
A pregnant, unwed woman cannot be the standard-bearer for the cause of-- Cause of sexual enlightenment.
Yes, Bill.
I realize that.
You have made that very clear.
I'm not the one who got us into this situation, Virginia.
You did the second you got up off Frank Ennis' table and walked out The time's come.
You need to take a leave of absence.
Or Uh I know.
I could just marry George.
Really, Virginia? One mistake with him wasn't enough for you? Now, I've spoken with Christine Wesh.
Sorry, who? She's a gynecologist, an excellent clinician, a real go-getter.
And she's agreed to relocate temporarily to St.
Louis.
Wait, you spoke to her without me? Virginia, you proposed Betty take over for you.
Betty.
It didn't seem to me like you were willing to contemplate a serious replacement, which is what we need, what I need.
If I'm gonna maintain the practice, grow the clinic, represent the book when it's published, I need a competent woman at my side to counteract the perception that I'm a pervert.
Look, the understanding that I have with her is that the second you're ready to come back after the birth-- And you didn't think that this was a decision that we should make together? I certainly wasn't consulted in all the decisions that you made that affect me.
This book is the culmination of 12 years' work, and I'm not gonna let your impulsivity put it in jeopardy.
This was not an impulse.
Really? You and George planned this, huh? Conceiving the baby was a mistake.
Keeping it was a deliberate decision.
I let my kids slip through my fingers five years ago, the day that I agreed to let them live with George.
And there is nothing I have ever done in my life that I regret more than that.
I look back, I still don't even understand how it happened.
Do you, Bill? Can you tell me all the things that had to go wrong in order for me to lose my kids? Well, I won't lose this one.
You think I'm putting my needs ahead of our needs? Well, I am for once.
And if that makes you question my commitment to everything that we have worked so hard to build then be that as it may.
And I hope that she works out for you, this Dr.
Wesh.
You knew this day was coming, Virginia.
Yes.
But I also learned from you that there is no need to face unpleasantness today when it can be put off until tomorrow.
Oh, you learned that from me? When do you intend to mention my situation to Libby, Bill? I know! Completely out of the blue.
You'd think, working side by side every day, she'd find an opportunity to tell me sooner.
But, uh Any better? Looking back now, I missed all the signs-- irritability, fatigue.
She got sick twice at the office.
Uh, but I-I chalked it up to the egg salad, which I've always maintained they don't properly refrigerate.
And George! Christ.
That-- that weekend at the lake.
I had no idea.
Did you? Their relationship seemed so-- well, I mean, "perfunctory" is not right word.
But, uh, they certainly didn't seem to have any love lost between them.
How about now? Maybe he's not the father.
Oh, I'm certain he is.
How can you be certain? You weren't there, were you? I'm sure Virginia's been with other men since then.
She's not really one to sit home alone, is she? Well, there's no polite way to inquire, is there? When a woman tells you news like this, I mean, you just take her at her word.
Yeah.
I always assumed Virginia was a woman of her word.
So, what happens now? Now? Well, we call a repairman.
With Virginia.
When is she due? Right around the release of the book, unfortunately.
And how do you intend to explain her condition? I don't.
No, she's gonna take a leave of absence, staring immediately.
And then she can return once the baby's born.
So until then, what, she's-- she'll just be at home? Yes.
Keeping a low profile.
Essentially.
And emerge in five months with a baby.
That's right, yeah.
I'm going to try to stay out of sight as much as possible.
Really? You're never gonna leave the house for five months? Because all it takes is for one person to see you and leap to the conclusion-- That I'm a wayward woman? Well, I'm afraid that's just something I'm going to have to live with.
Do you think you're gonna be alone in that judgment? That no one else is implicated in this folly of yours? It's George's baby, Libby.
Well, yes, of course it is.
I am quite certain.
I am also quite certain that I will be alone in thinking that.
Well, it'll have his name.
I'm still a Johnson.
With no ring on your finger, Virginia.
Without a husband in sight.
- Except for mine, that is.
- Libby? I want to know what the plan is.
What is the plan, the plan to prevent people from thinking-- Totally erroneously.
What difference does that make, Virginia, when there is nothing to say otherwise! People are gonna give me looks.
Their heads tipped to the side, sorry for me, sorry for my children.
"Oh, you poor thing," they will say.
Well, I will not have it.
Then tell them to go to hell.
They are not the ones I would want to say that to.
Look, Libby, this is not something that I did to you.
This has nothing to do with you or Bill.
And yes, you're right.
The truth of the matter will not prevent tongues from wagging, but at a time where Bill and I are poised to be the center of attention, I'm going into hiding.
That is the concession that I am making to idle gossip.
Don't make that out to be a sacrifice.
You made a choice.
Yes, and it was mine to make! And you're choosing to have it implicate you, which it does not at all.
- You know the truth.
- And Bill? Bill knows it too.
How could he not? I will tell you how.
Bill is a magical thinker.
Bill can will anything into existence.
If Bill wants to believe something, he will find a way.
This is the last thing that Bill wants responsibility for.
As far as he's concerned, this is a nuisance, an inconvenience.
And something that his partner has done without him.
You two have collaborated on everything else.
I suspect, on a subconscious level, that he'll want to consider this a joint effort, too.
And with that comes a sense of obligation, an obligation that might distract him from the ones he already has.
What do you want me to do, Libby? I don't know! Something! Tessa! I made eggs! No time.
Well, you have to eat something.
No, something substantial.
Before you were home all day pretending you weren't actually working, you didn't seem to care what I was eating.
That's Carrie.
I got to go.
Wait, isn't she the one who crashed her mother's station wagon? Well, her brother went off to college, so she's using his car now.
No, Tessa.
Tessa, I don't want you driving with that girl.
You know what, mom? You're the last person who gets to lecture me on anything.
Never met a king before.
I went to grade school with a kid named Harvey King.
He wasn't actually a king.
Just his name, obviously.
Do you have a scepter? Uh, not with me.
Right.
How about a crown? It's, uh, ceremonial.
That still counts, huh? Is Mrs.
Johnson coming? Dr.
Wesh will be assisting us today.
This is my third capping in three months.
Oh, it's not unusual for patients to require more than one capping before the procedure is successful.
And if it is not successful? W-what then? Well, uh, first we'd have to determine whether lowered sperm count is the only factor that's preventing the pregnancy.
That would require a laparotomy.
Surgery.
An incision into the abdomen that allows us to see if there's any damage to the ovaries or the uterus.
What kind of damage? There could be scarring, uh, polyps, fibroids.
There could also be endometriosis.
A simple overgrowth in the uterine lining.
It's actually quite common.
Some studies put the number of women affected at upwards of 10%.
Well, if it was a case of endometriosis, I'd expect to see menstrual irregularity.
And I've seen some patients that are completely asymptomatic.
That depends on the severity of the disease.
Yes, exactly.
Betty asked me to tell you that Harry Vetters is here.
Thank you.
I wasn't sure if I overstepped myself just now it the exam room.
You gave me a look.
I wasn't quite sure how to interpret it, I'm afraid.
Did I do something wrong? Uh, I'm-- I'm just not used to having someone chime in when I'm speaking to a patient.
I assumed, when you asked me to join you, that you expected me to participate.
After all, didn't Virginia-- "Mrs.
Johnson" uh, is there to offer support to patients, not to dispense medical information during exams.
In my interview, you described the, uh-- the give and take that you have with Mrs.
Johnson, how sometimes she jumps in, articulates something that you can't, or-- Yeah, well, that is a dynamic that, uh, we've been able to cultivate over years.
I don't expect the same thing to happen with someone with whom I've worked for a month.
I am relieved to hear you say that, and I am fully prepared to follow your lead.
So, for starters, perhaps you can tell me what sort of latitude I have with this reporter? The one from the Times who's waiting in the conference room? None whatsoever.
Why-- why would you need to speak to him at all? I assumed-- I've studied the book.
I'm well-versed in the research.
Isn't that the point-- for me to stand in for Mrs.
Johnson, to offer you a female counterpoint? Dr.
Wesh, I-I don't-- I don't know what led you to believe that I am not able to, uh, function without Mrs.
Johnson by my side, that on my own, I am incapable of articulating a point of view about my life's work.
I'll-- I'll handle this alone.
To the accusation that, by providing women with a guidebook to their own pleasure, you're encouraging female promiscuity, you say what? I say, what do you mean by promiscuity? I mean the pursuit of sexual fulfillment for its own sake, simply to satisfy a physical urge.
We satisfy physical urges all the time, Mr.
Vetters.
Every day-- hunger, thirst, fatigue.
We don't have pejorative associations with those urges.
Sexual satiation is an urge every bit as instinctive as the urge to sleep.
Well, sleep doesn't have the potential to be the ruination of our moral code.
So in other words, procreation is the only acceptable goal of sexual activity? I believe that way of thinking is outdated.
So sex as a means of, uh, strengthening a human connection is passé? Not at all.
We encourage it.
What we discourage is this idea that sexual fulfillment can only occur in a traditional, singular context.
Uh, I'm sorry.
Can you explain in layman's terms, something our readers will understand? - Layman's terms.
- Uh-huh.
Um Let's see.
Well, uh, say, for example, there's a woman who adequately serves three men-- three different men-- sexually.
- Uh - And enjoys them all.
"Serves three men," you said? Yes, three men.
A woman who gives as good as she gets.
I believe that woman Uh, uh, uh, I'm sorry.
Um, "Gives as good as she gets.
" Yes, I believe that woman is more honest than the, uh, faithful wife in her own bedroom who serves one man whilst thinking of another.
There's-- there's physical promiscuity, and there's mental promiscuity, Mr.
Vetters.
And I believe that the hypocrisy of the latter presents a far greater danger to our society.
Huh.
That's, um yeah.
That-- that may not have come out the way I intended.
- What I meant to say-- - One second.
I-I-I want to get this down.
Tess? Bill! Oh, good.
I was just going to call you.
I was sitting here, going over everything.
You know what occurred to me? We need a glossary.
Get your coat.
I don't know what she told you, pal, but I sure as hell didn't have to force myself on her that night.
He knows that, George.
Then what the fuck is he doing here? Sit down.
Please.
Please.
Now - Bill is here in case-- - Is case what? In case you didn't understand that this is not a traditional marriage she's proposing.
It's simply an arrangement to give your child legitimacy.
Yeah, but it's not just about the child, is it? It's about legitimizing your partnership, too, right? How are you gonna spin this so that it's in my best interests to have a sham marriage? Well, Virginia is on the verge of establishing herself as a groundbreaking researcher.
And that is a legacy worth protecting for the sake of your children.
- Don't you think? - So they can grow up to appreciate their mother's famous and their father's a chump? Look, I There's another option here staring us in the face.
You and me get married for real.
George, come on.
I think Virginia made herself clear.
Buddy, I'm not talking to you.
Why can't we make a go of it, Gin? I mean, we loved each other once.
We can do it again.
We're smarter now.
We know what potholes to avoid.
It's all potholes with us, George.
There is not enough flat road to build a life on.
We have hurt each other too much.
We made each other feel pretty good up at the lake.
No.
That was comfort.
- That was not love.
- So? - It's a place to start.
- No.
No, I can't.
Because of this guy? No, because of me.
So, um, I'm good enough to fuck, but not to marry.
Jesus, I just sound like a-- like a mistress, don't I? Don't I, Gini? Well, uh, I can't help you with this.
I'm sorry.
This your problem, not mine.
Oh, you think there are no consequences for you if this book fails? You can barely pay your bar tab, George.
And that's with Virginia covering your rent.
And if I'm unemployed-- unemployable-- then how are we ever gonna put to Tessa to college, let alone keep a baby in diapers and formula? Oh, and your doctor boyfriend here is gonna let your kids become paupers? His career is on the line, too.
I don't give a rat's ass about his career.
I care about us, about you and me and the kids.
Well, if that were true, then you never would have forced me to give up custody.
Well, this is a way of getting it-- of getting it back, all of us together under one roof.
It's too late.
The damage has been done, and that is a very, very deep "pothole," George.
It's just your name on a piece of paper, George.
That's all she's asking.
Sounds to me like you're the one doing the asking.
No.
I'm the one who's gonna write you a very large check.
Scalpel.
I'm making the incision.
There was distal blockage on both fallopian tubes.
Yes.
Even if we, uh, undid the blockage and removed the adhesions, it wouldn't make a difference.
The tubes have already been permanently damaged.
There is nothing more that can be done? I'm so sorry.
Does my husband know? He's asked for you.
Shall I, uh-- No.
Please I need a minute.
Of course.
Take as much time as you need.
If I could, I would take forever.
The second I leave here, everything will change.
He will take another wife.
And he will say, as you heard him, that it is merely a transaction, that it is a necessity.
You don't believe that? I believe that he believes it.
But that is different than it being true.
My husband thinks that he can conceive a child with another woman and withhold a part of his heart because he's saving it for me.
I love him because he thinks he can.
And I love him knowing that he can't.
Oh, we must seem so exotic to you, with our bloodlines and our harems.
These are not your problems.
My problems? American problems.
You think people in this country don't marry for reasons other than love? There are marriages of convenience here.
Sometimes they work.
They can work.
But among three people, Doctor? It is an untenable number, isn't it, three? Solid in architecture.
Imagine a pyramid or a ziggurat.
But in love, it is a triangle turned upside down, balancing on a single point for only a fraction of a second before it falls on its side, and the side that it falls on is the one weighted with the child.
It is a bond that two people share stronger than anything.
Well, perhaps you imagine it in such a way because it's something that you've tried so hard to make happen.
I haven't found, uh, parenting to be the connection that trumps all others.
What is, then? Desire.
Of course.
You are a man.
And, uh, respect.
A sense that your partner is truly your other half.
You have that? Yes.
But also children.
Three of them.
I asked Mrs.
Johnson.
So you see, it is you who cannot imagine it any different because you have it all.
And I do not have enough, certainly not enough to stay.
So, y-you're leaving him? I have to because I will see him loving a child that another woman gave him.
And I will know that it will never again be the same between us.
If I never loved him, I could manage.
But after knowing what it is to be loved so completely by this man I could never settle for anything less than everything.
I don't know what to say.
It's a lovely offer, but George and I are just going to go down to the courthouse.
Well, I'd keep it very simple, very small.
Just the two of you and-- and Tessa, of course.
No, not "of course.
" Tessa is not having any of it.
I can't say I blame her.
Perhaps if I talked to her.
Let her know how nice it would be for the two of you to have her there.
Libby, we're not getting "married" married.
Tessa knows that.
We're just making things legal.
And I appreciate that.
Don't you want to make some memories for the baby? Take some pictures of the two of you saying your vows so he knows what his parents looked like on their wedding day? I'll be eight months pregnant in those pictures.
I think that'll pretty much tell him the whole story.
Don't you think it's worth trying? You mean, making more of an effort to pretend? No.
Trying to love each other again.
You sound just like George.
So George wants it to work.
Then why? Why-- why are you holding out? I can't believe you're really asking that.
You know why.
It's your shoulder I've cried on time and time again.
You can't possibly think that there's anything between us.
There was once.
At the lake? No, I mean long before.
You had a life.
You-- It was good before it was bad, wasn't it? You have two great kids together.
Libby.
No, I know it's not a storybook romance.
But it could work.
Don't you want to give your kids a real family? Two parents under the same roof, having dinner every single night? I know I want that for my kids.
And if you had it, too, then wouldn't that just solve everything? You're in a good mood.
They both make you look very, very pregnant.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the presence of God and in the face of this company to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony.
"All property now owned or later acquired by either party shall remain and be their discrete and separate property.
" It is not by any to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly, and solemnly.
"Mr.
Johnson consents to Mrs.
Johnson retaining primary custody of any child that results from the marriage and agrees not to challenge nor seek to amend such an arrangement.
" If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.
"The parties hereby acknowledge they are entering into the marriage with no expectations of cohabitation, no expectations of marital relations, no expectations of faithfulness or celibacy.
" Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health? "Until such time as the marriage is dissolved.
" I now pronounce you husband and wife.
Sign here and here.
You may kiss the bride.
The minister just left.
You can take that tie off.
You want to know what's ironic? Audrey and I split up over having kids.
She wanted one of her own.
I said two was enough for me.
I was done.
You could have had more.
You're good with kids.
Just not so good with wives, apparently.
You'll find someone, George.
Another irony.
My bride on our wedding day encouraging me that there are other fish in the sea.
Do you want this? Sure.
Wait.
A toast.
What should we toast? To the baby.
To a healthy baby.
Look.
And to love.
To the love that made her.
There was love that night, Gin.
Tell me there wasn't.
I was a wreck, George.
Only at first.
It was good, Gin.
You can't have sex like that without feeling something deeper for the person.
Actually, you can.
Sometimes the body just takes over.
A phenomenon you've documented, no doubt.
You ever wonder if th-- if this work has ruined you? It has certainly lined your pockets, mister.
I'm not saying-- Okay, yes.
It has made you someone you have always wanted to be.
But it has ruined you, too.
How could it not? You look at people having sex all day.
You-- you study how their parts fit together.
That is not all we do.
The girl I married was a romantic.
She stuffed love notes in my pockets.
She On our anniversary, she made us get in the shower with our clothes on to re-create our first kiss on that rainy street corner in Chicago.
What happened that to girl? She grew up.
Grew up to plan a divorce the morning of her wedding, to have a lover whose wife hosts the ceremony.
What's sacred to you, Gin? This was sacred once.
This ring once meant that we would love each other until they put us in the ground.
And now it means that no one can ask any questions.
I believe in love.
What do you believe in? Our work has been seen by some as an attempt to weaken the institution of marriage.
As anyone who knows us can tell you, nothing could be further from the truth.
Successful marriage demands successful communication, a relationship of honesty and openness between husband and wife.
Any day now.
The most basic, the most necessary form of communication in any marriage is sex.
Sexual inadequacy is now the number-one cause of divorce.
That, to us, is unacceptable.
The primary focus of our work is not simply the physiological study of sex If it's a boy, Scott.
And if it's a girl, uh, Lisa.
- Geez.
- To the contrary, the goal of our work has always been to help couples develop a meaningful and mutual sexual relationship.
We believe that to be the basis of every healthy and happy marriage.
So, in that light, I would like to raise my glass to the two people without whom this book, our work, would be impossible.
To our spouses, Libby Masters and George Johnson.
To you.
and safeguard the monarchy, I was given no choice but to part with my dear spouse, the princess.
The country may heal from the loss of this magnificent woman.
But I shall not.
Vir-- Virginia? Ohh.
They told me to walk, so I'm walking.
Well, right now, I'm leaning, but I was walking.
I'm sorry.
There was traffic.
Oh, I didn't mean for you to come, Bill.
The-- the spotting just frightened me.
It's perfectly normal.
I know, but I just didn't remember the bleeding from the times before.
Heck, I don't remember anything from the times before.
I do know that, if a newborn cries, it's supposed to be one of five things, right.
Hunger, wetness, pain, fatigue, and I just-- I can't remember.
I can't remember what the fifth thing is.
- Gas.
- Gas! Gas.
It'll come back to you.
Just like riding a bike.
I don't know how to ride a bike.
You don't know how to ride a bike? - No.
- Really? I didn't know that.
Why would you know that? Well, I thought I knew most things about you.
That's a pretty big thing not to know.
Okay, let's get you back to bed.
Breathe.
Try to breathe.
I am! No, you're holding-- No, no.
The most important thing is not-- Don't-- don't bear down.
I'm trying not to.
Distract me.
What? Distract me! Tell me something.
Uh, okay.
Uh, you know, Lester says the Riordan's on 7th has the book in the window.
Apparently there's a whole display.
Perhaps we could, uh-- perhaps we could do a signing there.
I mean, not right away, of course, but, uh, when you're feeling up to it.
Something else! Uh, something else.
Uh, uh, well, it occurred to me on the way over that maybe finally we've amassed enough data to be able to publish an article about performance anxiety.
Bill! For Christ's sake! Oh, God! Uh oh, Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling from Glen to Glen and down the mountainside the summer's gone and all the flowers are dying 'tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide oh, Danny boy It stopped! It stopped! It-- it stopped.
Please stop.
You can stop.
Lay back for now.
Okay, that's it.
That's it.
In you go.
That's it.
That's it.
You didn't know that I could sing, did you? So, now we're even.
Uh, how far apart are they? Oh The last one was about five minutes ago.
Five minutes? What, and they haven't started sedation? I'm getting a nurse.
No.
I want to be awake for it.
Are you sure? Dr.
Handleman said it's fine.
More and more women are doing it.
Oh, yes, but I wouldn't recommend you put yourself through that.
You found your spotting alarming.
The amount of blood from a vaginal birth can be, well, prodigious.
And if there complications, you don't want to be privy to the conversations that go on in the delivery room.
It can be distressing.
They put me under for the first two.
And I always felt like I missed something.
One minute, you're reading a magazine, and the next, you wake up to this-- this creature swaddled and shiny clean.
They were-- they were so beautiful.
I always felt like they were presents somebody else had picked out for me when I wasn't around.
I wasn't around.
The truth is, I wasn't there, even when I was.
I thought this was my chance, Bill, to do things different, but what's changed? I'm the same person that I was always was.
What made me think that I could do it? You might surprise yourself.
You might, uh-- might find yourself capable of things that you didn't know were possible.
Look at my track record, Bill.
I've failed twice.
I obviously don't have what it takes, the patience and the focus and the selflessness.
I'm terrible at all of it.
Then please explain our success, won't you? Since, you know, that requires every single one of those things from you-- patience, focus, sacrifice.
You parented this book, Virginia.
You helped bring it into the world, after the longest labor in history, 10 years.
And now here it is.
Weight-- 1 pound, 14 ounces.
Length-- 384 pages.
Half you, half me.
Are you not hearing me? That's the book, Bill.
That's the work.
That, I can do.
I'm good at that.
I'm talking about when I go home.
That's the problem, when I try to focus on just being a mother.
You're a failure because you care about other things? No, because I care about other things more.
What if that is just the simple truth of it? Hmm? That I'm a woman incapable of putting her kids before her work? Okay.
Okay, what if it is? Then I need to try harder.
Yes, much harder.
I-I need to spend more time at home, Bill.
I need to leave work early.
I need to come in later.
I need to take all the qualities that make me good at my job, and I need to apply them to being a mother.
I see.
So you think that's what every child needs, - a mother who's at home? - Yes! Well, I had a mother at home all day, every day.
You too, yes? Did that make you feel happy? Loved? Or oppressed by the attention? Suffocated by their resentment of being stuck doing the same thing day in and day out.
Maybe if those women had taken off their aprons and ventured outside, held their own against men, felt their worth in the world, and brought all that home to their children, maybe their kids wouldn't have spent all that time wanting to be free of them.
I don't know, Bill.
Perhaps it's your ambivalence that's the problem, t-t-that you-- you live in a constant state of apology to your children.
What if-- what if you showed this baby that you were choosing to pursue your passion, not-- not over him, but for him.
You know, so that every single night, you could bring him home a piece of the world, a world that you are working to change for the better.
I mean after all, isn't that the point of the book, that we shine a light on-- on the infinite variations of a single act? You know, we were on to something, Virginia, something important.
Maybe there is more than just one way to do most things, including being a mother.
Maybe, years from now, we'll look back on the ones who gave up everything for their children, and we will say, "Oh, you poor things.
" Look! Look at how much more you could have been.
" You You are leading the way in so much, Virginia.
Why not this, too? Bill.
Another? Please get the nurse.
- Please.
- Okay.
- I think it's time.
- Yeah, yeah.
Excuse me.
Uh, I'm looking for Virginia Johnson.