Psych Episode Scripts

N/A - Romeo and Juliet and Juliet

Last season on Psych.
We've been discussing creating a new position, a liaison, working with other departments, agencies, outside help.
You better do something quick! I can't hold this for long! We got you.
I accept.
Excuse me? The job.
The job you offered me, Karen, I accept.
It's great to be back.
Okay, I'm warning you guys, Gus knows karate.
Um, I don't know karate.
Yes, you do.
I study Wushu.
It's Chinese.
Dude, trust me, karate sounds more intimidating.
I've only had two lessons.
That's two more lessons than they've had.
Come on, man, my dad wouldn't let me take karate, so now you've got to do this.
You do it.
You do it.
I don't fire people well, you know that.
You wanted the assistant.
I wanted a girl.
He's the only one who would take the job, Shawn.
What does that say about us? We'll do good cop, bad cop.
Who's bad cop? You.
You're the unscrupulous, penny-pinching boss, with a chip on your shoulder and mommy issues.
I'm the nurturing, confidant type, who's, like, "Dude, Gus is a jerk but I've got your back.
" Together we'll take that sucker down.
Together then.
Ken! And it turns out business is just a little slower than expected.
You guys hired me four days ago.
Much slower.
But the thing is my dad got a job at the police station, right? So we assumed that we'd get more cases.
He assumed.
I called this from a mile away.
Wait a Holy crap, you're doing good cop.
I know.
Did somebody move my desk? I didn't see anyone.
How many days a week are you here? Two, three, depends.
I just deal with the consultants.
But you don't tell me what to do, right? I'm not sure.
I am.
You don't.
Think of it like Santa Barbara is having a slow news day, but with murder and stuff.
And like the real estate market, crime will always trend upwards.
The only thing we know for sure, it's going to pick up.
And that real estate is a sound long term investment.
But mostly that crime's going to pick up and that's a guarantee.
Excuse, Mr.
Chiang, can I get a photo of you and your family for the Santa Barbara Courier? Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, please have your raffle tickets when entering the Santa Barbara Chinatown Festival.
Thank you.
In between the lines there's a lot of obscurity I'm not inclined to resign to maturity If it's all right then you're all wrong But why bounce around to the same damn song? You'd rather run when you can't crawl I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end I know, you know I know, you know Buzz, she didn't come back on Monday? No.
Not yet.
Just let our people do their work.
If and when we get the ransom call we will determine our course of action.
Chiang, I'm the resident psychic here.
My name is Shawn Spencer.
This is my partner Jonathan Jacob "Jingly" Schmidt.
You're saying his name is John Jacob "Jingleheimer" Schmidt? That's correct, sir.
We used to share the name.
I changed mine because of all the people shouting when I went out.
I don't remember calling you, Mr.
Didn't have to, Chief.
This case called me.
It called collect.
That's right.
Which was odd, because I'm also on Twitter.
And the cases usually tweet me.
Let's be honest, Chief, kidnapping is my thing.
This case is tailor-made for a psychic.
I guess it does make a little bit of sense.
Karen, you called Shawn in? Case called me.
Naturally this is your call, Henry.
You now oversee our consultants.
So this would officially be your first hire.
Okay, then.
My answer's no.
What? May I speak to you in private? All right, what the hell was that about? It's my job to determine if we need a consultant, and right now I don't see the need for one.
You've had five opportunities to hire us, now what is this really about? Are you familiar with the term "persona non grata"? Why are we talking about food? Shawn, there's a reason they created the position I'm in.
You burned a lot of bridges around here.
You made a lot of sloppy mistakes.
You're going to have to earn your way back.
Things are going to be different now.
It's so unfair.
Is it? Yeah.
My results speak for themselves.
You just hold me to a different standard.
I do not.
You buried my Easter eggs five feet underground.
And I left loose dirt to indicate a fresh dig.
Yeah, under a camouflage tarp covered with bricks and broken glass.
That was the giveaway.
Oh, pardon Pardon me for trying to challenge you.
It took me three weeks to "close" the egg investigation.
I was eight.
Yeah, well, just so you know, there's still two eggs you haven't found.
You're sick.
Well, what happened? Two things, one, we're getting him fired.
Two, we're on the case.
After all that you convinced him to hire us? Define convinced.
Buzz, have we searched the kidnap girl's apartment? They just finished.
We'll need that address.
Oh, you guys got hired on the case? Well, define hired.
Shawn, the police have already been here.
She was kidnapped on the other side of town.
It's been hours, Gus, and still no ransom demand.
I'm telling you this is not your standard kidnapping.
God, everything's so neat.
Maybe she's a neat person.
Or maybe she's hiding something.
This closet, full of new purchases.
Please tell me we're taking that to the police.
We are.
Just not the ones working this case.
Bring that to Lassiter.
What would be the fun in that? I want you for this.
Chief wouldn't hire you guys, huh? Look, I got case-blocked by my own father, okay? Don't you think it's time you got back up on the horse? It's a temporary reassignment.
It's pretty common for cops when they experience something traumatic.
Look, I know the whole Yin thing was difficult for everybody.
But at this point, it just feels like you're hiding here at this giant post office.
It's City Hall, Shawn.
We have a City Hall? I just need a little time, and I am perfectly content staying off of this case.
Oh, really? Did you know there's no ransom note? Did you know that Bekki Chiang stands to inherit approximately $20 million, and is already being groomed for an ambassadorship at 19? Not my case.
It's Lassiter's.
What? It's an old Hong Kong Which dynasty? Look at that.
Somebody's helping already.
There is one other thing.
It's counterfeit.
A smart, rich girl with a secret, holding on to counterfeit money.
And just what are you doing here? The mayor asked to see me.
Clearly we don't believe that.
You're free to believe what you want.
Please don't say that to Gus.
Now he'll just tell you that Michael Jackson isn't dead.
He learned how to fake his death from Lisa Marie.
Which implies that Elvis is still alive.
Elvis died two years ago.
Is there no end to your gullibility? I told you that two years ago.
He was a cashier in a shoe shop.
No, Gus, no.
I'm not having this conversation with you now or ever.
We're not sure what the deal with wrapping on the hand is, and he He leapt a wall into the crowd, so he's athletic.
Kept his face covered the whole time.
Couldn't get a clear shot of him.
It's almost as if he knew there were cameras there.
Carlton, I have a lot of work to do here, so if you wouldn't Oh, my God, we're on the same page.
You were trying to lure her out of this dungeon by using details from the case.
I am not.
See? It's not just me.
You're concerned about her insisting on staying down here, the unreturned phone calls, and the ever so slight darkening of the hair.
I hadn't noticed.
I like it.
Thank you, Gus, now would you guys please just leave me alone? Way to go, Spencer, you are not on this case.
What? Lassie, we've clearly crossed a threshold.
Tomorrow, we should wear matching jumpsuits, nay, t-shirts.
I'll be thing one, you be thing two.
Excuse me.
Wait, before you go, one question.
Who would counterfeit a 50-cent piece? Hong Kong.
Nine-seventy-eight dynasty.
Ooh, that makes so much more sense.
You can't seriously tell me you think the Triads are involved in this? Triads? Athletes.
Chinese gangs.
Athletic gangs of Chinese men.
Very serious gangs.
How do we speak with these Triads? You don't speak with them.
They're an underground society.
You're saying I need to make an appointment.
Spencer, look, there are different gangs within the Triads.
What are we talking? Are we talking about the Golden Triad, the Dragon Triad? Regular.
I think we're primarily interested in medium.
Venti is large.
Well, then not venti.
We'll speak with both gangs.
Spencer, you will stay away from these people.
They are legitimately dangerous, and those two gangs have been on the verge of war for years.
Now, if you'll excuse me, the free information train has left the station.
You'll just have to figure it all out for yourself.
Like we can't do that.
We need information.
Whoa, wait.
You guys aren't here to pay me for my last day? I believe I did pay you.
We didn't pay him anything.
We paid him in gratitude and life lessons.
I knew I shouldn't have opened this door.
Ken, don't think of it as not being paid for your last day, think of it as a surprise two-year vacation.
We will hire you back.
Probably not soon though.
Why are you guys here? We need information on counterfeiting Hong Kong coins.
And Chinese mafia.
And we need you to explain the ending of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon to us.
What? What, you guys think that because I'm Asian I'm supposed to know all this stuff? That's borderline racist, man.
Racist? No, I hardly think so.
Inappropriate? Yes.
Insulting? Sure.
Stereotyping? Not racist.
Maybe a little racist.
Gus, please.
Now, Ken, how many Triads do you know? Andlor are you one of them? Wow.
Okay, that definitely crossed the line.
Just tell us what you know and we will get out of your parent's house.
Okay, the only thing I can think of is there's this place where the Golden Triads used to hang out.
Okay, the only reason I know that is because my mother used to forbid me to go there.
Gus, all I'm saying is that sometimes your jokes don't land.
Okay, Shawn, you want to impose some restrictions on me, then I want go with some rules too.
What rules? In the past, you've offered me up as some sort of sacrificial lamb to the situation.
Name one.
Wait, never mind, you're right.
New rule, from now on, any cover story or fake ID must be run past me and approved.
Approved? In writing, three days in advance.
Gus, you're kidding, right? No, Shawn.
I need the proper amount of time to concoct my alter ego that best compliments yours in the situation.
I don't know where I'm going to be living in three days.
That's the deal, Shawn.
Take it or leave it.
So he is a pharmaceutical salesman who moonlights at a psychic detective agency, and once at camp he wet his pants.
Water splashed on my pants.
I'm sorry, you guys are cops? Nope.
Not cops.
Though sometimes we work with cops and occasionally against them.
Look, if this was Saturday I'd have a much better story.
Right now, all I want to do is talk to some Triads.
Either kind.
You guys know you're going to get killed? You know what, you're absolutely right.
What were we thinking? Gus? Yes.
See what I mean.
See what I mean? We got lucky.
We have been following this guy forever.
If he is a Triad, he's the most boring gang member of all time.
I think Ken gave us a fake lead to pay you back for asking him for a loan.
It was a short-term loan, Gus.
With interest.
The interest was life lessons, Shawn.
Oh, those are some heavy firearms.
Something's going down.
Run back to the Psych office, grab our ninja costumes.
How can that possibly help us? We need to get closer.
No, we are staying here.
Gus, 10 seconds ago, you were complaining about being bored.
Now suddenly it's too exciting? It'd be great to get some consistency from you emotionally.
Shawn, if something illegal is going on, then it's our duty to call Lassiter and let him get shot.
Golden Triads cut off hands.
One at a time, which technically means we have four opportunities.
I'm not moving.
They won't even know we're here.
I blame you.
I think he said something about taking us to see the boss.
If only I had time to submit a fake identity for approval.
Do not mock me when I'm about to get killed, Shawn.
You know I bond with authority.
This is a win for us.
I will talk my way out of this.
How? You know how much I love Yao Ming, that's got to count for something.
Just leave me out of this.
Okay, first of all, this is some sort of huge misunderstanding.
I know and respect that you are a very busy man, running a crime syndicate is a full-time job.
And we do not want to bother you any more than we have to Mr.
I know you.
You're the psychic from the police station.
That's correct.
They hired us on this case.
The Chief said they did not.
I don't know why she'd say something like that.
She said it to you.
Yes, she did.
That's a little act we do to throw people off.
To throw who off? Mr.
Chiang, I found this coin in your daughter's apartment.
It was pretty well hidden.
My fear is that she's mixed up with some pretty nasty criminals.
This is my coin.
I gave it to her to symbolize our past.
Now, I will say this to you, and I will speak slowly so you understand.
She's not mixed up in any of this.
This criminal activity? What you think you see here, is not criminal.
It seems pretty criminal to me.
Our mistake.
It's just a handful of buddies hanging out, taking some long distance surveillance photos, and carrying semiautomatic weapons.
You have an idea of who took your daughter, don't you? I do not.
And you wouldn't lie to me.
You're a psychic.
You tell me.
Are we free to go? Go.
All right.
It's got a curly "Q" thing on the end here.
The whole thing kind of looks like a dragon.
I know this because I saw something like it once in a Panda Express.
Can you tell us what it is or not? Dude, my parents run a Best Buy.
I told you.
You didn't know about the Best Buy.
I told you he would be offended.
He's not offended.
I'm very offended.
He's excited.
He's getting a taste of the kind of action that you and I get into.
If we hadn't had to let him go due to unforeseen circumstances Guys! Do you realize that I've done more work for you since you fired me? Yes, we do.
Have you seen this dragon? Yeah.
I probably saw something like that spray-painted on a wall.
Where? Chinatown.
What? Where in Chinatown? A martial arts studio.
Why does this have orange chicken sauce all over it? Oh, because it got me in the mood for some Panda Express.
Can you tell us what this is? Dragon Triads.
Shawn, what do you want from me? That's what they were doing.
They were surveilling their sworn enemies.
Wait, who was doing what? That doesn't matter.
It also doesn't matter whether we were captured by these people or not.
The question is, what would happen if the Dragon Triad kidnapped someone from the family of the Golden Triad? It's a ridiculous theory, Shawn.
It would never happen.
Let's just say it did.
Well, it would start off a gang war.
It's beyond suicide.
Yeah, she's right.
The Goldens and Dragons can't even be seen in each other's territory.
Ugh, I am going to have all of you banned from this building.
Excuse me, I'm here for a class.
This class? Yeah, I believe it starts in Five minutes.
Right, five minutes from now.
I'm usually 10 minutes early, so I'm already feeling behind.
This class is for five to eight-year-olds.
Yes, yes it is.
And, uh, that's what I call Discrimination.
Discrimination? Yes, and ageism.
Who are you? I'm his lawyer.
That's right.
You brought a lawyer? I keep a lawyer on retainer at all times.
There's so much injustice in the world that you practically can't leave home without one.
And apparently, today it paid off.
Right, okay.
Well, I will see you in court, then.
Now Perfect.
Now I need a statement from you.
And as we plan to try this in both civil and criminal court, I'll need the police here as well.
Can I use you phone, or do you only let the white people use that? Who said anything about white people? You just did.
The words "white people" did not come out of my mouth.
There they are again.
Luckily I had my hand recorder on for that one.
By the way, I am now disclosing that this conversation is being recorded.
Recorded? Okay, this is crazy.
Crazy? You want to know crazy? I sued 300 businesses last year alone.
I sued a hot dog cart and got everything but the wheels and the buns, which I won in the civil case two months later.
I think he gets it now.
I know, but the words are coming out of my mouth faster than I can think of them.
Bring it home.
Now, if you don't mind, before I start snapping evidence photos, I'm a little parched, so can you tell me which one of these fountains I'm allowed to use? That one.
I mean, you pick, sir.
One! Ha! Two! Ha! Three! Ha! Four! Ha! Five! Ha! Six! Ha! Seven! Ha! Eight! Ha! Nine! Ha! Ten! Ha! One! Ha! Four! Ha! Five! Ha! Ow! What? Focus! Sorry.
You have no focus.
Why? I Look, it's just You want to know the truth? My dad never let me take karate.
Okay? This is not karate! Right, okay, but it's pretty much the same thing.
Not the same thing.
All right.
Now turn your eyes around and follow.
One! Ha! Two! Ha! Three! Ha! Four! Ha! Five! Ha! Six! Ha! Back.
And bow.
Did you find out anything? Yes.
What? I'm awesome at karate.
Yeah, that.
I'm awesome at it.
You were in there for two hours and all you did was kung fu? No.
We stretched our groins, we meditated.
Did you find out anything about the case, Shawn? Yes.
What? I'm pretty sure upstairs is the headquarters for the Dragon Triad.
I think they might be hiding the girl there, but that's not important right now.
Not important? Gus, I kicked a board in half.
No, you didn't.
You're right.
I didn't.
But it splintered.
Do you have any idea what this means? It means I sat outside for two hours while you fulfilled a childhood dream.
Let's stake this place out tonight.
And I'll need $300 for the initiation fee.
You signed up for class? They are the bad guys.
Master Wu is not affiliated with these hooligans.
Chief? How are you doing, O'Hara? Good.
You know, there's no shame in feeling what you're feeling.
That Yin case is the kind of thing that can shut a person down.
You too, Chief.
Okay, I will come back to work when I am ready.
I'm not here to force your hand, just wanted to ask.
I just They say to take some time.
It's recommended.
Of course.
Just make sure you know when the healing ends and the delaying begins.
Of course.
I will.
Thank you.
So here you go.
Stop light safety project.
Just track and compare every light in the city, cross-reference with each stop sign.
Tell me if two years isn't enough of a sample to draw a conclusion.
I'll have McNab bring the rest down later.
Good luck, O'Hara.
That was it.
I think that's why my dad wouldn't let me take karate when I was a kid, Gus, because he knew, he knew I was too good.
Too dangerous.
One moment I'd be mastering the high kick, the next, I'd be holding a beating heart in my hand.
Uh, Shawn? What? Is that our Kidnapper.
Only one way to find out.
The second floor window is open.
I saw this in a Jackie Chan movie.
We're going to climb the building, bounce wall to wall You can't bounce to the second floor.
Excuse me? I think you're neglecting my martial arts training.
Are you talking about the one class you had today? Yes, Gus, I am.
You know what, just give me a boost.
All right.
We're in.
Hey, man, we know you're the kidnapper.
We can do this the easy way or the You must be out of your damn We're not with this guy.
We never even met.
Actually we just now met him.
After we broke in.
Accidentally broke in.
We fell through a window, which technically isn't breaking in.
And in our defense, this is the guy that's stealing stuff.
Yeah, he already had the safe open.
Which he didn't have to crack, which means he's a pro.
And he stole a jacket which is a weird thing to steal.
Especially since he already had a sweatshirt.
And it's not even that cold outside.
So, you see, we're a couple good Samaritans.
Don't worry.
We don't expect a reward.
Silence! Look, man, you don't get it! We don't want to fight you guys! Even though we're evenly matched.
Evenly matched? It's three on three.
I've had my lesson.
You had your karate.
It's not karate, Shawn.
It's Wushu.
Wushu sounds more authentic.
It sounds delicious is what it sounds.
I'm going in.
Gus, those are cleaning supplies.
Maybe we should just chill out and wait for these guys kill each other.
He went that way.
I'm trying to stay alive, Shawn.
Gus, that is our kidnapper.
Trust me, I can scale that in a single leap.
What? Shawn.
Shawn? We lost him.
He's right behind us.
I'm talking about the guy we're chasing.
I'm talking about the guy chasing us! Gus, my spiritual senses are out of control.
I can't believe I didn't turn to eastern culture earlier.
Shawn, we got lucky because we hid like little girls.
Gus, don't be the Ten Tigers of Canton.
We've reached a new level.
I rest my case.
I couldn't get a clear shot of him.
It's almost as if he knew there were cameras there.
Dude, that's it.
That's her jacket.
We found her.
I'll call the police.
No, no, no, Gus.
That was so us last week.
We've been riding everyone's coattails this whole time.
I say we take him down now.
What do you mean now? Shawn! Are you coming in or what? I was waiting.
It's been 10 minutes.
I could be dead already.
If you recall, I didn't want to go in, in the first place.
So you leave me there with our suspect? What was your plan exactly? I was waiting to hear if there was any screaming, then depending on how bad it sounded I would go forth from there.
And if there was any pleading, that was also a variable.
Holy crap! Are you checking e-mail? I need to be productive when I get nervous, Shawn.
Just come on.
God bless.
Gus, this is Sang Tan.
His father is the leader of the Dragon Triad.
This is the lovely Bekki and they are in love.
And your father is the leader of the Golden Triad? I get it.
It's Romeo and Juliet.
Kind of.
Our relationship was discovered.
I had to get her safe.
People die for these kinds of indiscretions.
I went to her in the alley and we ran.
Things got out of control.
You need to tell the police that this is not a kidnapping.
It's not that simple.
It's pretty simple.
I'm pregnant.
My father will never stand for this.
I've been chosen to take over for him when he retires.
There's no changing that plan.
I just need a day, get some cash and get some things in order.
You're part Chinese, Shawn, you must understand.
You're damn right I do.
You told him you were Chinese? Gus, I am part Chinese, now.
We'll never make it like this.
Can you help us? Of course we will.
Absolutely not.
Let me get this straight, Mr.
Spencer, you're saying that we should stop the investigation? Yes, indeed.
Chief, I am sensing that there is more going on here than meets the eye.
Well, that's certainly a tactic that we've never tried before.
And what are you also suggesting, that we cross our fingers and perhaps hope for the best? I have an idea of what we can do.
Shh, Gus, don't.
Don't do it.
Chief, before, moments ago, it was fuzzy.
I'm upgrading it to crystal clear.
Wait, I want to be sure.
Yes, crystal clear.
This is not a kidnapping.
Really? If it's not a kidnapping why did we just get this? Wait! I'm getting something else.
Look, I am telling you I am right.
I know she was here.
She was standing right here.
I can see it plain as day.
Right next to the man who some believe to be her kidnapper.
How sure are you? As sure as I am that the guy who just 'friended Gus online is not the guy who played R2-D2.
His name is Kenny Baker, Shawn.
Why would Kenny Baker want to be friends with you? Why would Elvira want to be friends with you? Her name's Cassandra Peterson.
Okay, we found Bekki Chiang's bracelet, a few other belongings.
She was indeed here, so good work, Mr.
Thank you.
Just a little late.
Chief, look at this.
What is it? It's traces of blood.
You were here, weren't you? Yeah a little.
You had to go out and play psychic and now the girl might be dead.
Trust me, Dad, there are a lot of things in play here.
She didn't get kidnapped, she ran off with the guy.
She's in love with the Dragon Triad, and here's the kicker.
Guess who the leader of the Golden Triads is? Arthur Chiang.
You knew that? Of course I knew that.
Cops have been trying to nail him for years, Shawn.
Why do you think I didn't want to let you in on this case? Do not say you're protecting me.
I wasn't protecting you.
But these are seriously dangerous people, Shawn.
Dad, you're not listening to me.
I've got this.
It's Romeo and Juliet, man.
It's West Side Story.
I don't know which one is the Jets and which one is the Dolphins.
That is all that is going on here.
And how exactly do you know all this? She told me.
She told you? Ah, any chance she said it under duress? I caught them kissing.
Ah, did he have a gun? No.
I'm assuming, no.
That's exactly what I'm talking about, Shawn.
You got played, kid.
What? Now go home.
You've done enough.
That doesn't even I know what I saw.
They lied to us.
They didn't lie.
Maybe they were in it together.
They needed money, they fleeced you because you're either romantic or stupid.
I know when people are in love.
What now, guys? You know Romeo and Juliet, right? DiCaprio and Danes? It's a play, too.
Sure it is.
What if I said Bekki Chiang got mixed up with the Triads, the Golden ones and fell in love with a Dragon? She didn't get kidnapped, she's out there making kissy face with her guy pal.
There's a ransom note, Shawn.
Aha! You are following the case.
Only enough to know that you're wrong.
Really? If it's not a kidnapping, why did we just get this? Wait a minute.
That was no ransom note.
No money was asked for.
I don't follow you.
That doesn't make any sense, Shawn.
Why would he send a photo that's going to incite a panic? Who's he? Romeo? The son.
The son? The Tan family.
Which one? What do you mean "which one"? There are two.
Two? Two sons.
This is Sang Tan.
He's number two in the gang.
Now this is the other brother.
Which one did you meet? I met them both.
Teno is an enforcer.
He's somewhere in the middle.
Whoa, this guy is the toughest member of the crew by far.
Why isn't he next in line? He's a big problem.
He crosses territorial lines.
This guy likes to poke the bear.
The Goldens and the Dragons have at peace for a while.
This guy has a history of inciting trouble.
The only reason Teno makes sense as a leader is in a time of war between the Triads.
And I don't see that happening any time soon.
Our relationship was discovered.
I had to get her safe.
I do.
And I know who kidnapped the girl.
Shawn, this is a bad idea.
Come on, Gus, we've got this.
It's the brothers.
I just realized what you do when brothers are fighting.
What? You tell their dad.
I still can't believe you called a meeting with the head of the Dragon Triad.
It was relatively easy after I revealed I had jaw-dropping information about his two sons.
Just get to it.
Hi, there, Mr.
Han Tan.
Or is it Mr.
Tan Han? See, I get confused because the back of Yao Ming's jersey says "Yao" not "Ming.
" Shawn.
Let me start off by saying I love ping-pong and General Chao's chicken and your version of checkers.
I find your fire drills to be immensely entertaining, David Bowie's China Girl.
The naked version.
That goes without saying.
I have also practiced the ancient martial art of Wushu under the tutelage of your fine people.
Shawn, get on with it.
I'm endearing myself to him.
Stop endearing.
Your son wants to start a war between the Triads.
The mean one.
Maybe you have your own way of differentiating them, but for me, personally, I think he's the meanest.
Maybe it's the tattoo.
Just the general demeanor.
Use of brow.
Sometimes you just get a vibe about someone.
Hold that thought.
I don't think he speaks any English.
Oh! Thank god.
I thought it was just me.
What do we do? I set plan B in motion.
Until then we're just going to have to use the international method of communication.
You're not going to attempt charades, are you? One word.
Oh, my gosh.
West Side Story.
That's three words.
Your son Sang, the nice one, dark sweatshirt, is in love with Mr.
Chiang's daughter.
Also nice.
Very nice.
Ah, here's the part you won't like.
She is pregnant.
Preggers with your grandbaby.
There is a Chinese bun in the oven.
She's actually not showing yet.
There's not a bump at all.
Safe to say that we're still in the first trimester now.
Shawn, this is not working.
I'm working my butt off.
He's giving me nothing.
I didn't do anything! Don't worry.
I can hear plan B right outside.
I didn't do anything, man.
What are you people doing? Oh, go suck yourselves! Thank God you're here, Ken.
Why am I here? We need a translator.
We solved the case.
But we can't tell anybody.
Because they can't understand what we're saying.
Dude, I speak nine words of Chinese.
Six of those are numbers.
All right, let's not panic.
I think we can use this.
Which numbers do you know? Enough! I understand you.
You do! Man, you Mr.
Han Tan.
Han Shawn.
You have spent working very hard to keep peace between yourself and the Golden Triads, and your son Teno wants to rip it apart.
If you know where he is, you have to tell us.
If I am found with the kidnapped girl, the bloodshed will never stop.
We cannot get involved.
But we can.
So if you know where he is you gotta give him up.
Yeah, I'm about to solve the kidnapping.
I need you to bring backup.
Shawn, call Lassiter.
Not doing it.
Stop it.
I am not coming.
No, it's gotta be you.
Listen, Jules, Yin came after me too, okay? I'm not going to let this guy keep me from living.
I need you or I go down alone.
Well, with Gus.
You know what I mean.
You all right? He's just outside.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up.
We need you.
Wake up, Sang.
Gus, what are you doing? I'm trying to wake him up.
We need him to help us escape.
I told you, man, I've got us covered.
Don't say it, Shawn.
You are not a kung fu expert.
Technically, no.
Not yet.
But I didn't show you this, man.
They're mostly just stretches, but there's some lethal combinations here on page three.
Teno! We got you.
I figured it all out.
Really? Yeah, really.
You felt betrayed by your brother here, right? More than that, you were jealous that you weren't selected to take over.
See, Sang's a little soft, in your eyes, isn't he? Unfit to lead.
But a war between the Triads, that would be your opportunity to shine.
Teno, the enforcer.
You knew who it was the night we left.
Isn't that right? This is the guy that's stealing stuff.
Yeah, the safe was already open.
Which he didn't have to crack, which means he's a pro.
And he stole a jacket, which is a weird thing to steal.
You were the one who discovered that your brother was consorting with your most hated enemy.
Our relationship was discovered.
And we lead you right to him.
He's right behind us.
You broke into that room and you took matters into your own hands.
Luckily the kidnapping fell right in your lap and all you had to do was snap a ransom photo Wake up.
Make up enough evidence to put the blame on your brother there and wait.
Wait for a war that you have always wanted to start.
Come on.
Wake up.
Oh, relax dude.
Whoa, with the ma Dude, I have made it through all seven levels of Shaq Fu on Nintendo and Gus can attest to that.
Sang, wake up.
All right.
Let's do this.
I execute this properly no can defend.
You got it, Shawn.
You got it! Help is on the way! Any minute now, Shawn! Your sensei teach you how to fight with stick? Yeah.
Be like water, Shawn! I got your back, Shawn! Crouching Tiger, Shawn! Crouching Tiger! Keep going! Help is coming! Fist of Fury! Fist of Fury! Wushu fever! You're not helping.
We're coming.
Oh, man! Really? Oh! Good work, Jules.
Yeah, he'd just surrendered before you got here.
He surrendered when I walked in, Shawn.
Oh, God! You know, Dad, none of this would have happened if you just let me take karate lessons as a kid.
But you know what, I get it.
You saw that I had too much potential, didn't you? You knew that I would be way too dangerous to train.
Shawn, I didn't let you take karate because you had zero control of your body.
I had too much control of my body.
Are you out of your mind? You used to run around karate-chopping everything in the house.
I thought you'd kill yourself.
All right.
Agree to disagree.
But know this, from now on I can handle the rough stuff, okay? I am my own person.
My body is a weapon.
I don't need you to protect me, okay? Fair enough.
But in return, you never put me in a position having to lie for you.
This isn't just about you anymore, kid.
I'm a player in this game, too.
You find a victim, you find a perpetrator you call me first before you put your hand to your head.
First? First.
How about first-ish? No.
I was about to say the same thing to you.
I may have needed a kick in the pants to get going.
I would never kick you in the pants.
You didn't give up.
And I'll never give up.
What do you think? Should we hug? We could.
There you are.
Rain check.
Chief said you're working on a special project.
Thought you could work on these too.
Oh, now you're going to ply me with additional work? Carlton, these are your taxes.
Hey, I'm trying to help you.
And this is how you help me? Well, you're here, aren't you? It's already working.
I think my spine might be liquid.
Did you tell the cops you single-handedly took out Teno Tan? That was an assumption that they made.
From what? I may have left out two verbs an adjective and the words, "Juliet arrived.
" But other than that it was mostly facts.
You realize you have to sign your statement? Not if we leave right now, I don't.
How about some Panda Express? Had that last night.
Pick Up Stix? Had it this morning.
You know that's right.
Gus, those are cleaning supplies.
One more time.
Let's go back.
Yeah, let's go back.
Let's go back.
He assumed.
I called this from a mile away.
Holy crap, you're doing good cop.
We can do this the easy way or You must be out of your damn We can do this the easy way or You must be out of your damn What are we waiting for? Put your seatbelt on, Shawn.
Oh, for crying Just start the Wow.
That's all we need, right? I know, you know That I'm not telling the truth I know, you know They just don't have any proof Embrace the deception Learn how to bend Your worst inhibitions tend to psych you out in the end I know, you know I know, you know I know, you know