Randy Cunningham 9th Grade Ninja (2012) Episode Scripts

N/A - Club Ninja-dise; To Smell and Back

1 Go ninja! [title music] I was chosen to protect my school from the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
Smoke bomb! [rock music] [tropical music plays] [indistinct chatter] Howard, what two words am I thinking of right now? - Pizza donuts! - What? Wha-wha? No! - "Spring Break"! - Oooh.
I thought you said "What two words am I thinking of right now?" Huh! How much nothing are we gonna do this week? All the nothing! It's Spring Break, baby! No stankings, no Ninja, no McFist.
Just a whole week of you, me and the sweet of sounds of nada.
[chuckles] Doing things is for shoobs.
[horn blows a tune] What up, what up? All right, welcome to Club Kev, Lake LaRusso's premiere All-in-Fun Tropical Resort.
I am, The Kev, your Chillperone.
Can I get a shaka from all my chill-seekers? [chuckles] Check it, we got one rule: there are no rules except one rule: Anyone who doesn't chill they get the big bounce! Um excuse, me Mr um the Kev? What exactly do you mean by "chill"? You know, like kick back and relax.
But I was going to relax and then kick back! [gasps] Am I chilling incorrectly?! [beeping] It's turning red! What's that mean? Whoa.
Big Bounce.
Bummer, skeezles.
Hey, boys! Gretchen here says she's got a great opportunity on timeshares! We don't even use the timeshare we have! Not that I want to.
Four Weekends in Flackville? No a-thank you.
OK, OK.
What should we not do first? I can't even think about not doing anything until I eat something.
After this I say we don't do the Eco Hike - and then not take Hula Lessons.
- Oh, and at 5:30 we gotta remember to bail on those Sand Art Classes.
This is the best.
No school.
No monsters.
- No McFist?! - Why'd you say it like that? - Don't you mean, "No McFist.
" - No! McFist! So I can take as much shrimp as I want? It's all free? Technically, dear, we paid for it when we booked the trip.
Free shrimp! Look at you.
So care-free! Right? I been chasin' you-know-who so long, I almost forgot what it's like to kick back and taste the chill.
Aw.
You deserve some non-Ninja time.
I'll be in the spa.
Have fun, cuddle fish! I'll be here, goin' jumbo on this shrimp! [beeping] Cunningham, your Chillometer! Just seeing him makes me [groans] Do you know how many times that shoob has tried to destroy me?! He's not here to destroy you! He wants to chill, like you should be doing! [grunts] Missed it.
Missed it.
Oh! That's way off.
[groans] Chill.
You're gonna get Big Bounced! [Nomicon rumbles] Not if I Big Bounce McFist first.
Would you talk some sense into him? [groans] Hmph.
[snoring] "An enemy at peace should be left at peace.
" Exactly! I'm McFist's enemy, but I won't be at peace as long as he's here! I'm gonna Big Bounce that fool! [grunts] Nice to stop thinking about old pajama face and enjoy a little McMe-Time.
[gasps] How's the water? You?! But me vacation! Hey.
Could you do my front? No no nooo! [beeping] [screaming] Huh? Aw! You just did something! I had to do something, so we can do nothing.
Relax, skeezle.
See? Back to Chill.
[grunts] Hey, hey, hey we got a sick game of Limbo Volleyball goin'.
How low can you throw? [groans] Why is everybody trying to get us do something?! Don't worry: nothing is on the menu and nothing isn't what we will not have.
I know he's your boss, but he's gone and I'm in charge.
We're doing what I want.
Five, six, seven, eight [groaning] Sir! You're back! So soon! Ninja got me Big Bounced! Can you believe that? The Ninja's at Club Kev? Just comes at me unprovoked, asking me to do his front.
- What's with the chorus line? - Nevermind that! You have to go back to that resort and get the Ninja! And ruin the Ninja's vacation.
I'd love to! But I can't.
I've been bounced.
This skeezle's on the no-chill-list! So go back in disguise.
Can I leave my shirt on? I had a different disguise in mind [giggles] [laughing] Like what? What'd you have in mind? - Underwater lounge, straight ahead.
- Oh, thank cheese.
This was starting to feel a lot like doing something.
Ahoy! My fresh skeezles! What up? Hey, park 'er here! [all gasping] Welcome to Club Kev, Lake LaRusso's premiere all-in-fun.
Ho-ho.
Be careful, Downtown Frown, you're gonna Big Bounce all my skeezles! [all beeping] Jam the chillometers! [electric whirring] No one's bouncin' anywhere until I find the Ninja! But that skeezle ain't heezle! Come on, The Kev, you know he's heezle.
And I'm holding you hostage unteezle um until the Ninja gives himself up! To me! [both grunting] - What's with all the smoke? - You know what they say: - Where's there's smoke, there's - [both] Barbecue! [both laughing] [both] Huh? Marauder Bots? This isn't chill! Where the skeezle's The Kev? Where's the skeezle's the barbecue?! - No free-fills.
- No free-fills?! This isn't a buffet it's a cafeteria! What the juice is going on? Attention: Club Kev is under new management.
All chilling will cease until I have the Ninja! No, no, no! Not my hot tub! Uh-uh! My pendies are gettin' lukey! Oh, this has to be your fault! How is it my fault? These are pirates! I had nothing to do with this! Clock's ticking, Ninja! He wants the Ninja, I'll give him the Ninja.
See, that sounds a lot like something.
- Huh? Mort?! - Dad?! Ninja! Thank goodness! You gotta come with me to the Time Share Office! Dad! He's not interested! This is Flackville all over again.
I have to save The Kev and get everyone off this island! - But we're completely surrounded! - The Chillometers! We can Big Bounce back to the mainland! [groaning] Nothing you're saying isn't something! Nobody's bouncing anywhere, Ninja.
That nasty Pirate King, he's got some sort of jammer with him up in the Zipline Tower.
- So I'll sneak up and destroy it.
- No! You'll never make it! The place is lousy with Marauder Bots.
Then I won't sneak up and destroy it.
[all murmuring] I mean I won't sneak, but I will destroy it.
- Just trust me, I got this! - Oh.
- Where's the Ninja? - Ahh! - Where is he?! - Sir, that water is practically tepid.
I think he would have told us by now.
Why's your voice sound like my voice?! [groans] We're both using voice modulators.
How're we gonna know who's talking?! Check one, check two.
Was that you or me? This Spring Break is so wonk.
Hey, word on the screens is you're looking for a Ninja.
I know: No way some kid could capture the Ninja.
But he totally did.
So don't think about it too much.
Yes! We got the Ninja! It worked! So I'm just gonna take The Kev and zip on outta here No one's going anywhere until the Ninja's destroyed! I ain't sticking around for that.
[grunts] Howard, get The Kev outta here! [yelps] Bummerito.
I overstewed myself and noodled my walkin' pins.
[groans] Looks like we're gonna have to go piggy, Ziggy! [Ninja] Ninja-Rings! Hold on tight, because I am not touching you.
Haha! All right! Grip me and rip me, skeezle! [gasps] [gasps] The jammer! He's trying to slice the jammer! Step aside, whoever you are.
- McFist! - That's right! It's me! And this other guy who sounds like me is Viceroy! I think.
Unless it's also me.
Nope, it's Viceroy! Nailed it! Nail this! Ninja-Jammer-Slice! - Ooh! Didn't even know I had that! - You're welcome.
C'mon! C'mon everybody! Make sure there's nothing above you.
When that Big Bounce comes, you don't wanna bump your head! [groans] Tasty zip line-age, skeezle! I've been 9-to-5-ing it here for months and still hadn't tried it.
Stop talking [grunting] Ahh! Ninja-Block! [yells] H'oh, boy OK, The second these babies are back on-line, I want you to go to your stress place.
Mine's cholesterol.
Oh.
Mine's those Marauder Bots that are coming to kill us.
[grunts] What are you waiting for?! Send him over the side! Don't mind if I do.
[grunts] I didn't know that was in there either! - Out of the way, Vice - Wheee! roy.
Oh, that was easy.
Mort, if this is the end, I want you to know - I only kinda blame you.
- I love you too, Howie.
I just, I just love all you skeezles just so much.
Ninja-Jammer-Slash-Do-Over! [all beeping] There you are, Hannie! Oh, I am so relaxed.
You really should have come with me to the spa.
[groans] I think you're right.
Ahh! [laughs] Somebody stop it! "An enemy at peace should be left at peace.
" If I had left McFist at peace, none of this would have happened.
Important thing is, it all worked out! Smokebomb! Wonkest spring break ever! We did way too much something! At least here we know we're definitely not going to do anything.
[giggles] Oh, nothing.
[growling] [screaming] - Smokebomb! - Krackenstein is back! - And this time - Ninja-Kracken-Slice! [all cheering] Yeah-haa! [stomach rumbling] Thank you, Norrisville! It's a pleasure to be your hero! And as your hero, I just want to say [flatulence] Oh! Ninja beefed! You guys hear that?! [all laughing] What?! Me? I didn't I'm a hero! Heroes do not break wind! This one did! Hey, he who denied it, supplied it, right? [all laughing] But he smelt it, that means he dealt it! Ninja! Blaming it on a completely random student? - [scoffs] Un-Bruce! - But I Smokebomb.
You framed me! That epic butt sneeze belonged to you! - Ha! It was epic.
- Everybody laughed at me! Nobody laughed at you.
They laughed at the Ninja.
That's even worse! How's the Ninja supposed to be a hero if everybody thinks he farts?! - Cunningham, everybody farts.
- Not the Ninja.
Look, once it started brewing, I knew it was gonna be a rep ruiner.
I had to blame somebody! But the Ninja? The Ninja! Exactly! The Ninja! He can handle that kind'a heat.
Besides, I'm sure people have better things to talk about.
It was hilarious.
The Ninja ripped a tight groove.
It sounded just like [accordion sound] Yeah.
It registered an 8.
2.
on the ripped-er scale! Butt-Quake zing! [groans] OK, but I promise you no one else is talking about it.
Pop in your eye-bulbs, Peep-a-diles! Hydle-wyld here with H-Dub's Hot Pick! [flatulence] [growling] - Ninja bad - Shnasty and blasty! Mad gratz to my brother, Howard Double Dip Weinerman for the Ninja-Fart-Remix.
[all laughing] [groans] Bathroom.
Now! I can't believe you! Um [groans] [laughing] I can't believe you! A Ninja-Fart-Remix video?! How are people gonna forget if you keep reminding them?! Might want to give that one a second, fellas.
I just Ninja'd so hard my eyes watered.
- Ninja'd? What's "Ninja'd"? - You know, cheek squeezin'? Tush tootin'? Howard said we should call it "Ninja-ing.
" J'erkuse! This time you've gone too far.
You're gonna go on Heidi's Me-Cast and claim that fart! [Nomicon rumbles] Oh, Nomicon, thank cheese! Huh? [grunting] You babysit this baby for a while.
[yellling and grunting] [gasps] [crying] "A Ninja does not take light matters seriously.
" Right! Being the Ninja is serious.
So I shouldn't take Howard's jokes lightly! Thank you, Nomic [yelling] Psst.
Cunningham.
Psst.
Cunningham! - Psst.
Cunningham! - I'm not talking to you.
- Oh, you're not still mad.
- Yes.
Yes, I'm still mad.
- You made the Ninja into a joke.
- Psst.
Cunningham.
Psst Weinerman.
Stop making that sound, and get up and read your story.
- Just a second! Cunningham - Weinerman! Now! Uh, fine.
[rumbling] [yelling] Mr.
Bannister, a drilling pod just emerged from the center of the earth! Sweet cheese! You just turned that poor kid to stone! Oh, it's Doug.
Not sure how to feel about that.
Smokebomb! All right, time to kick some I'm so sorry, what kind of butt are you? Ninja, wait.
Don't fart until I hit record.
OK, you can fart now.
[all laughing] Stop laughing! This is serious! No! [laughing] They just kidnapped the Ninja.
But who's gonna save the guy that always saves us? We are.
[all gasp] We're gonna follow those Intra-Terrestrials down their earth hole and save our Ninja! - Who's with me?! - But we're not heroes.
Right now, we're the only heroes we've got.
And again I ask, and please, someone answer this time: Who's with me?! [all cheering] [laughing] [yelps] So.
You're the Ninja.
The famed hero of Norrisville.
Right? - Right.
- I am Queen Gabnidine, ruler of the Intra-Terrestrials.
Right? Right.
Wait, how would I know that? You're probably wondering why we brought you here.
- Right? - Right.
Yes.
That's definitely right.
For years, Mag-Man defended our home from the evil Mantle Dwellers, until he stopped being a hero.
Right? This is your story.
I've never been here! - Uh-huh.
- Whoa What happened to him? His hero-thalymus has ceased producing brave-zimes.
So we have kidnapped you.
We will transplant the essence of your "hero" into him, and he will be a hero once more! Right? - No! Not right! - I wasn't asking.
Then why do you keep saying "Right?" Does anyone else find this confusing?! Huh? No, no, no, no, no! Wait! The center of the Earth's right around this corner.
Come on! [yelps] [grunts] - You caught me.
[giggles] - I never let you go.
[Ninja screams] Do you hear something? It sounds like the Ninja screaming in terror.
- But I don't hear any farts.
- Who else could it be? It must be him! You're as smart as you are cute.
[giggles] Don't get mushy on me, kid.
This juice is about to get real.
Soon your "hero" will be ours! Right? [squeaking] [all laughing] No! That wasn't me! It was the chair! Look, I'll make the sound again! [grunting] [laughing] Fine, forget it.
You can have my hero.
If it can save your people, great.
Everyone thinks I'm a joke anyway.
[gasps] So you're just giving it to us, is that right? Yeah.
This isn't gonna hurt, right? - Right - Wait! Why'd you say it like that? Oh.
I don't like the way you said it! [screams] [Howard] Leave him alone! [grunts] - Or what? - Or this! [grunting] [grunts] My guts! He got me in my guts! Sound the alarm! Right? - Huh? - It's not a question! - Sound the alarm, you fool! - See? It's confusing! [alarm blaring] [grunting] Let's get you outta here, Ninja.
[grunting] No! You guys rock.
[giggling] Don't you do it! Don't you fall in love with me.
Oh [groaning] Howard You saved me Let's not start juicing each other's cheese just yet.
We still gotta get outta here.
[groaning] Musical Blast! - Weinermen - Hey! And Weiner-ladies.
We're movin' out! [gasps] Stop them! They're escaping! Right? - But your lowness, they went left.
- I know! Go left! Go left! Hm.
Right? I can't believe you all came to rescue me! Of course we did! You're our hero.
But you think I farted How can you look up to someone that's a joke? You're not a hero because we look up to you.
We look up to you because you're our hero.
- Fart or no fart.
- Then why'd you all laugh? Because farts are hilarious! Oh the Ninja's not the joke.
The fart is the joke! Put your gleebledrangs up! I mean hands.
Put your hands up, right? If you don't mind, Ninja, I think we could use a hero.
No joke.
Stop me if you've heard this one.
Ninja-Tengu-Fireball! Howard and the Ninja defeated us! But mostly Howard! Right? H'oh boy.
Run! To the topsoil! [all yelling] He did it! He saved us! Debbie, please, I honestly just I'm warning you, baby.
You're playing with fire.
I learned a valuable lesson today: Beef or no beef, I'll always be your hero.
Yeah, I also learned a thing: When you rip a sweet one, don't blame it.
Claim it.
Howard? Are you saying? That awesome fart you smelt? I dealt.
[all chanting] Howard! Howard! Howard! Howard?! That epic fart earlier was you?! Best believe it, sister.
You think anyone else can bust seams like that? Howard! Howard! Howard! Why isn't anybody chanting? - Because you're disgusting! - What're you talkin'? Everyone thought that fart was Bruce.
Yeah, when the Ninja farted it was funny and Bruce.
But when you do it, it's just gross.
Thank you for that disgusting tale, Mr.
Weinerman.
C+.
Yes! Hey.
Thanks for setting the record straight.
What the juice are you talking about? That story.
You wrote it to show me I was taking this whole fart thing too seriously.
I didn't write anything.
Made it up off the top of my head! Pretty impressive.
Right? [laughing] [flatulence] Oh.
[both] It was Doug! Chirp.