Robot Chicken s02e09 Episode Script
Massage Chair
It's alive! Shut up down there! Trying to sleep! Look at me, I'm a lady.
Well, my clothes are soft, but they're not huggably soft.
Leave it to me.
Being huggably soft is my business, and business is good.
They are soft and so are you, Cuddles.
Very, very soft.
- Where are we going? - I need your softness.
- This is a no-no.
- So soft.
- A big no-no.
- Don't fight it.
You might wanna clean yourself up.
- Good as new! - Yeah, good as new.
My, you're just so huggably soft.
No, no, not really that soft.
Stop! This isn't right.
Cuddles brand fabric softener.
When your clothes have to be huggably, rapebly fresh.
I just want to help you with your clothes.
I don't want your sandwich.
Did you finish that marketing proposal? - Nope.
- I told you to give it to me today.
- I could have sworn you said Thursday.
- No, I said Wednesday.
- I don't think so.
Thursday.
- Wednesday, douche bag! - Thursday, ass face! - Wednesday, you fucking idiot! What is going on here? We're having a fight about the due date of the marketing proposal.
Well, then there's only one way to solve it.
Stapler, stapler.
Post-it, Post-it, Post-it! Finish him.
You know that proposal was due on Wednesday, Jim.
Thursday, Nancy.
Hot coffee! Sexual harassment! Law suit, law suit.
Letter opener.
Ryan from Street Fighter? I didn't know you worked here.
I don't, but that proposal was definitely due on Wednesday.
I'll get right on it.
- Daily mail, Administrant Griffin.
- Excellent.
Next year's funding's come through.
One dollar? What will we do with one dollar? We're going back to basics.
That's what.
D- minus.
Five, four, three, two, one.
¤ Monkeys in outer space ¤ ¤ Protecting the freedom of the human race ¤ ¤ Four fingers on his hand ¤ ¤ Spreadin' freedom across the land ¤ ¤ Protecting the United States ¤ ¤ We owe our freedom to these primates ¤ ¤ Many died along the way ¤ ¤ In fact they all did, but that's OK ¤ ¤ Monkeys in outer space ¤ ¤ Protecting the freedom of the human race ¤ ¤ Monkeys in outer space ¤ ¤ They're easier than humans to replace ¤ ¤ A human life is a terrible waste ¤ ¤ So we shot monkeys into space ¤ ¤ We used up all the monkeys that we could find ¤ ¤ Fifty dead monkeys, huge step for mankind ¤ ¤ Monkeys in outer space ¤ ¤ Protecting the freedom of the human race ¤ ¤ Monkeys in outer space ¤ I do the doo! Mr.
President, your vitals all check out fine.
There is just one thing.
Your mitichlorine count is extraordinarily high.
Does that mean I'm one of them, what you call them, Jedis? Not tonight.
I'm tired, honey.
You're not tired.
You want to have a threesome.
I'm not tired.
I want to have a threesome.
Get me Condi.
Sorry, W! Big Mac attack! What the dilly?! Saber beats rock.
What the hell?! Who dares disturb my slumber? Who dares question my daring of his dare? Jerk! It is I, I who freed the slaves.
I who united Boring.
Let's fight.
If you strike me down, I shall become Wait a minute! Let me finish.
That'll teach you, George Washington.
Jenna, get over here right now.
I am your father.
That's not true! That's impossible! My real father would let me go clubbing as late as I want.
Why, you little No, baby! I'm sorry.
- You suck! - No! - Was it just a dream? - Mr.
President we still haven't found any weapons of mass destruction.
You have found weapons of mass destruction.
- Hi, we haven't.
- You have.
- I don't know what you're doing.
- Bring me a taco.
- Yes, sir.
- Tacos rule.
Excuse me, could you please help me? Is everyone ready for more of those uproarious bloopers? Yeah! Who let the dogs out? It's time to raise the woof with these mishaps on the Lassie set.
Timmy's in the well? Let's go, Lassie! Get him off! Get him off! Timmy's in the well? Let's go, Lassie! Let go! Fuck! Timmy's in the well?! Let's go, Lassie! Get off! Get the fuck off me! Help! Boy, that guy really had it rough.
Speaking of spay and neutering Bob Barker was accused of sexual harassment.
Here's a Price is Right blooper.
All right, big spin.
Hold on.
If you think that's the only time things got awkward on a game show here's some feud for thought.
Marjorie.
Susan.
Matthew.
A later host of the Family Feud would hang himself.
Britney Spears' Chaotic shocked the world with its private moments and low ratings.
Here's some scenes that were too chaotic even for UPN.
We famous, baby.
Yeah! No, baby.
I'm famous.
You're only famous because I'm famous.
Oh, baby.
Stupid.
You wouldn't think Nicolas Cage and Michael Jackson have anything in common but they both poked their heads into Graceland and they both had their skulls on fire.
Here's a Ghostrider outtake.
- OK, Nick, are you ready? - Yeah, let's do it.
OK.
Here we go.
Did anyone teach him to ride a motorcycle? Anyone? Who didn't masturbate to Hulk Hogan's bulging biceps in the '80s? Let's see what he's up to now in Hogan Knows Best.
Let me ask you something, brother.
Who wants peas? The Hulkster said, who wants peas? Hulkamania's running mild, brother.
Do you like watching stupid people get injured? So did fans of MTV's Jackass.
The network begged viewers not to try this at home but of course they did! Y'all recording? Here we go.
Yeah! Go! Yeah! Come on, come on.
That's all for today.
Hope to see you next time for even more side splitting bloopers!
Well, my clothes are soft, but they're not huggably soft.
Leave it to me.
Being huggably soft is my business, and business is good.
They are soft and so are you, Cuddles.
Very, very soft.
- Where are we going? - I need your softness.
- This is a no-no.
- So soft.
- A big no-no.
- Don't fight it.
You might wanna clean yourself up.
- Good as new! - Yeah, good as new.
My, you're just so huggably soft.
No, no, not really that soft.
Stop! This isn't right.
Cuddles brand fabric softener.
When your clothes have to be huggably, rapebly fresh.
I just want to help you with your clothes.
I don't want your sandwich.
Did you finish that marketing proposal? - Nope.
- I told you to give it to me today.
- I could have sworn you said Thursday.
- No, I said Wednesday.
- I don't think so.
Thursday.
- Wednesday, douche bag! - Thursday, ass face! - Wednesday, you fucking idiot! What is going on here? We're having a fight about the due date of the marketing proposal.
Well, then there's only one way to solve it.
Stapler, stapler.
Post-it, Post-it, Post-it! Finish him.
You know that proposal was due on Wednesday, Jim.
Thursday, Nancy.
Hot coffee! Sexual harassment! Law suit, law suit.
Letter opener.
Ryan from Street Fighter? I didn't know you worked here.
I don't, but that proposal was definitely due on Wednesday.
I'll get right on it.
- Daily mail, Administrant Griffin.
- Excellent.
Next year's funding's come through.
One dollar? What will we do with one dollar? We're going back to basics.
That's what.
D- minus.
Five, four, three, two, one.
¤ Monkeys in outer space ¤ ¤ Protecting the freedom of the human race ¤ ¤ Four fingers on his hand ¤ ¤ Spreadin' freedom across the land ¤ ¤ Protecting the United States ¤ ¤ We owe our freedom to these primates ¤ ¤ Many died along the way ¤ ¤ In fact they all did, but that's OK ¤ ¤ Monkeys in outer space ¤ ¤ Protecting the freedom of the human race ¤ ¤ Monkeys in outer space ¤ ¤ They're easier than humans to replace ¤ ¤ A human life is a terrible waste ¤ ¤ So we shot monkeys into space ¤ ¤ We used up all the monkeys that we could find ¤ ¤ Fifty dead monkeys, huge step for mankind ¤ ¤ Monkeys in outer space ¤ ¤ Protecting the freedom of the human race ¤ ¤ Monkeys in outer space ¤ I do the doo! Mr.
President, your vitals all check out fine.
There is just one thing.
Your mitichlorine count is extraordinarily high.
Does that mean I'm one of them, what you call them, Jedis? Not tonight.
I'm tired, honey.
You're not tired.
You want to have a threesome.
I'm not tired.
I want to have a threesome.
Get me Condi.
Sorry, W! Big Mac attack! What the dilly?! Saber beats rock.
What the hell?! Who dares disturb my slumber? Who dares question my daring of his dare? Jerk! It is I, I who freed the slaves.
I who united Boring.
Let's fight.
If you strike me down, I shall become Wait a minute! Let me finish.
That'll teach you, George Washington.
Jenna, get over here right now.
I am your father.
That's not true! That's impossible! My real father would let me go clubbing as late as I want.
Why, you little No, baby! I'm sorry.
- You suck! - No! - Was it just a dream? - Mr.
President we still haven't found any weapons of mass destruction.
You have found weapons of mass destruction.
- Hi, we haven't.
- You have.
- I don't know what you're doing.
- Bring me a taco.
- Yes, sir.
- Tacos rule.
Excuse me, could you please help me? Is everyone ready for more of those uproarious bloopers? Yeah! Who let the dogs out? It's time to raise the woof with these mishaps on the Lassie set.
Timmy's in the well? Let's go, Lassie! Get him off! Get him off! Timmy's in the well? Let's go, Lassie! Let go! Fuck! Timmy's in the well?! Let's go, Lassie! Get off! Get the fuck off me! Help! Boy, that guy really had it rough.
Speaking of spay and neutering Bob Barker was accused of sexual harassment.
Here's a Price is Right blooper.
All right, big spin.
Hold on.
If you think that's the only time things got awkward on a game show here's some feud for thought.
Marjorie.
Susan.
Matthew.
A later host of the Family Feud would hang himself.
Britney Spears' Chaotic shocked the world with its private moments and low ratings.
Here's some scenes that were too chaotic even for UPN.
We famous, baby.
Yeah! No, baby.
I'm famous.
You're only famous because I'm famous.
Oh, baby.
Stupid.
You wouldn't think Nicolas Cage and Michael Jackson have anything in common but they both poked their heads into Graceland and they both had their skulls on fire.
Here's a Ghostrider outtake.
- OK, Nick, are you ready? - Yeah, let's do it.
OK.
Here we go.
Did anyone teach him to ride a motorcycle? Anyone? Who didn't masturbate to Hulk Hogan's bulging biceps in the '80s? Let's see what he's up to now in Hogan Knows Best.
Let me ask you something, brother.
Who wants peas? The Hulkster said, who wants peas? Hulkamania's running mild, brother.
Do you like watching stupid people get injured? So did fans of MTV's Jackass.
The network begged viewers not to try this at home but of course they did! Y'all recording? Here we go.
Yeah! Go! Yeah! Come on, come on.
That's all for today.
Hope to see you next time for even more side splitting bloopers!