The Philanthropist Episode Scripts

Kashmir

Good morning, friends and neighbours, this is On the Spot with Tyler Timson.
Joining me in the hot seat this AM is billionaire philanthropist, Teddy Rist.
Teddy, are you glad you're on the spot? Are you too? For sure.
I only ask because for the last week or so on this program you've been attacking me, making all kinds of very silly accusations, and calling me everything from "anti-american" to, uh, I believe you called me a "cheese whiz.
" Well, once upon a time, Teddy, you were a stone cold capitalist.
Now you're a bleeding heart ding dong supposedly saving the world.
Really, all you're doing is leaving a trail of carnage behind you.
Carnage? For example, my 20 million listeners are very curious about your escapade into Kashmir.
I was told that after attending a muslim wedding, you were nearly executed by terrorists.
Yes, I did have a slight tangle with some less than friendly locals.
Wasn't so much the insurgents that concerned me as the wolves.
The wolves? Yes, as in big and bad.
Our company had devised a plan to transport water across the line of control.
Line of control.
Now, for those good folks out there who aren't up on their, uh, southeast Asian politics, the line of control is the 1947 border that slices Kashmir in half.
On the one side you have the nut jobs of India.
On the other side, the nut jobs of Pakistan.
Nut jobs.
Classy, Timson.
Well, what do you call two countries with nuclear gun belts who are more than willing to blow each other up to blow us, the rest of the world up, just to prove whose warhead is bigger? Timson, all I know is that because of the antagonism between Pakistan and India, many of the people of Kashmir are living in a horror show.
So you got involved in this Kashmiri fiasco because of a woman.
A woman, right? And not just some Bollywood starlet.
No, certainly not.
No, an extraordinary woman by the name of Rhada Shivpuri.
She was an old college friend of mine and my partner Philip Maidstone's.
One of the most successful businesswomen In india.
The CEO of Southeast Asia Telecom.
Rhada, you're not making those hash brownies again, are you? No.
Cookies for the bake sale at my daughter's school.
How are the girls? And Rajinder? Excellent.
Olivia and Terry? Perfect.
They hassle me about working too many hours.
Yeah, that's why I'm making cookies.
Hey, enough with the domesticity already.
What is it you wanted to talk to us about, Rhada? Hold on, I'm in shock.
Teddy Rist wants to talk business? Yeah, I'm going to Aspen in an hour to hunt snow bunnies.
Ah, that's the Teddy I love.
All right, I have a financial proposition.
An investment that could potentially bring Maidstone-Rist huge returns.
Oh, we like that.
And this proposition could also help revitalize my homeland, Kashmir.
Ugh, Kashmir.
Which is why I need my two old friends and their world renowned corporation to invest in the region Okay, if we were to come in, what resource would we be investing in? The most primal of all human needs.
Sex? No, Teddy.
Water.
Your listeners may not be aware that there has been the most horrendous drought in northern India and eastern Pakistan, which is just frankly insane because there is plenty of water in Kashmir.
Transporting that water would be relatively simple if we could just convince the skeptics.
So philip and I flew to Mumbai about six months ago and Rhada had invited a bunch of Indian and Pakistani officials over to her house.
All I had to do was get their attention.
There is nothing more pointless than an empty swimming pool.
It satisfies no need.
It takes up an awful lot of space.
Unless, of course, it is filled with Maidstone-Rist and S.
E.
A.
will upgrade and integrate the current systems.
We will act as a liaison.
Your two countries have never worked together to conserve and manage the waters of the indus river.
Why? Mistrust.
Until a pipeline is built, we would transport the water by reopening the borders along the line of control.
We understand that this is a huge step, so we propose at first a preliminary deal.
We open a single border at Hajipir-Uri.
Call it jal, call it pani.
Call it h2o or aqua, pretty damn inviting whatever the language.
I I promised my business partner Philip Maidstone that I wouldn't jump in.
After all, this is an Armani suit, and this is an I.
W.
C.
watch.
He's gonna jump.
I know.
Now, ladies and gentlemen, every now and then you just You have to take a leap.
You made a fool of yourself.
Yes, I did, but both parties did sign the deal.
A deal which turned out to be all wet.
There were a few complications like any business deal.
"Complications?" That's putting the mess mildly.
The big announcement in mumbai was a disaster.
Timson, when are you gonna get it? Peace brings stability.
With stability comes jobs.
With jobs comes disposable income.
And with that disposable income, consumers all over the world may just be able to buy American goods.
It's not peace in itself, Timson, but the dividend that peace delivers.
Ah, high-minded words.
But from what i understand, you got a little distracted.
Uh, Blitzer.
With a b.
Wolf.
No? I'm sorry.
Walters, Barbara.
"Reema Kirmani.
" Hello, Reema Kirmani.
I'm Teddy Rist.
You're Teddy Rist.
Because you, playboy Teddy Rist, distracted this woman from her job, certain shall we say extremists snuck into the conference.
Tell me something.
Do you ever consider potential collateral damage or are you so completely self-absorbed that you don't see anything that's going on around you? Good afternoon.
We are here today to introduce a vital new enterprise.
But first, let me state how especially proud I am to have in attendance my husband Rajinder and our three daughters.
Our once noble land of Kashmir has for decades faced incredible poverty, devastating levels of hunger, and atrocious acts of violence.
Our goal is to bring jobs and fill demand, as well as develop hydroelectric power and irrigation techniques inside Kashmir.
Tomorrow morning, the border at Hajipir-Uri will be reopened for the first time in years.
The gun has served no purpose in Kashmir.
We are betting that commerce and industry will.
And we're hoping all of you would join Get down! Because of your irresponsibility, a suicide bomber disguised as a cameraman almost killed you all.
Ladies and gentlemen, his explosives are still live.
What we need is a prompt, calm evacuation.
Exit immediately! Now! Move! Is that a bomb? Your actions motivated this Pakistani brainiac to try to blow you and many innocent people up.
Of course, maybe this Reema Kirmani person might've been in cahoots with the bad guys.
That's rubbish.
Reema Kirmani was a trusted and valued member of Rhada's team.
Hey.
Hey.
How are you holding up? I've been hoping that this deal of yours would open the borders, bring us peace and prosperity.
My grandfather lives in the Indian-controlled territory.
He's a hindu.
No, muslim.
But when the line was drawn, our home fell on the hindu side.
Ten years ago, my father was killed in the crossfire b etween the Pakistani militantsand Indian soldiers.
And my grandfather sent me away to be safe.
He's old.
Grows weaker every day.
But he swore he'd live to see the border at Hajipir-Uri reopen.
And I'm determined to make that happen.
How much longer do you want to wait? Another 60 years? No, I'm trying to get through to New York.
My board is ready to submit to fear and I need to know are you as well? Rhada, we would hate to lose this opportunity b ut I'd rather write off the time and money already spent than see you, your company, or our employees come under attack.
Rhada, our daughters need their mother alive.
I do this for them.
Teddy, where do you stand? Nick Vettri.
Huh? Name of the bully at school.
You know what he hated more than anything else? To be ignored.
So I say we head straight up to Kashmir.
They defused the bomb and nobody else died.
Not right then.
Not in Mumbai.
To those who would seek to stop progress, we will leave you behind.
To those who attack the innocent and manipulate the unknowing, God will be your judge.
And to those who have turned the paradise of Kashmir into a war zone, your time is over.
Rhada was an inspiration that day.
So courageous, so independent.
I would've followed that woman to the ends of the world.
Danger be damned.
Well, it looks like a lot of folks out there want to ask Teddy Rist what makes him tick.
Okay, we're gonna go to council bluffs, Iowa.
Hello, you're on The Spot.
Mr.
Rist, I don't understand how you could almost be blown up in Mumbai and then instead of coming home, you head into an even more dangerous area.
You decide to go to Kashmir.
What's your name, ma'am? Jenny Brummer.
Hello, Jenny.
Um, well, I went to Kashmir because my friend Rhada needed me to go.
And as I've already said, I'd do anything for her.
But she and Philip had the harder tasks.
Philip had traveled to Islamabad and very quickly had convinced the Pakistanis to open their border on schedule as Rhada was being stonewalled by the Indian government.
And meanwhile I had managed to get a sit-down with the Indian army regimental commander in Kashmir.
Commander, tomorrow morning, your border post could reopen.
Tensions could un-tense and you and your men Could kick back and watch the cricket world cup.
I am Kashmiri so peace is my sincere wish as well.
But I am first and foremost a soldier serving the Republic of India.
I do get that, sir.
You also seem to be the man who realizes that opening the border would benefit both Kashmiris and Indians.
New Delhi is apparently hesitating.
So I was wondering if you thought that a call from the commander on the front line supporting our efforts might just put them at their ease.
I must also maintain a certain caution.
Understandable.
We are all like a baby taking first steps.
Then let us pray the insurgents don't kill the baby as they have so often done.
Good day, Mr.
Rist.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Don't worry.
I think he's with us.
It's in India's hands.
But you, Teddy Rist, barreled ahead as if you understood the complexity of the problem.
I do.
Just imagine that somebody had drawn a line right across the middle of California.
Los Angeles became part of Mexico and San Francisco became part of Canada.
Americans not allowed to call themselves Americans anymore.
You know something.
Go ahead.
We would still call ourselves americans.
Just so I get this straight.
You didn't have permission from the Indian government to open the border.
Technically that's correct.
But I had faith in Rhada to work things out.
No, I'll hold.
Go.
Any news from your commandant, major? None, unfortunately.
Teddy.
Meet Farooq Kirmani, my grandfather.
Hello.
It is a great pleasure to meet you, sir.
You are doing a great service today.
Thank you.
I hope so.
Oh, my God.
That is fantastic.
All right, sweetheart.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'll tell him.
Hey, was that Rhada? Where is she? She's still in New Delhi.
She just got the Indian Prime Minister to give the go-ahead.
Oh, it's such a pity she's not here to see this.
She said she'll be with us in spirit.
Commander.
I have official permission to proceed.
Whoo-hoo! Unbelievable.
Not unbelievable.
The Pakistanis are opening their border too.
General, it's headquarters.
Hello.
Olivia.
Stop the truck! No, no, no.
I'm fine what? Hello? Hello? Stop! Stop! What? Hello? what? How many? Shut the gate.
Shut the gate! Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Terrorists have hit New Delhi.
They're closing the other side.
20 bombs simultaneously.
Big hotels, government buildings.
It's total carnage.
Car, now! Let's go.
Let's go.
Ugh.
Reema? Reema.
Gunmen were waiting at the Capitol.
The started firing randomly.
Rhada's dead.
We've got to go.
Yeah.
We've got to go.
Come on.
Your friend, Rhada Shivpuri, was murdered along with 12 innocent people.
You know, I got to tell you.
I think it's your fault.
I'm sorry.
My fault? Yeah, if you had stayed where you belong in America, those murders in New Delhi might never have happened.
You enflamed the tensions No, I was trying to ease them, Timson.
You know that any significant goal always has consequences, demands, sacrifice.
Every action Rhada took was to help bind the wounds brought on by ignorance and fear and prejudice.
I think Rhada willingly gave her life for what she believed.
It should come as no surprise that my wife left very specific instructions regarding her memorial service.
In the traditional version of this service, no women would be in attendance.
Our three daughters would be at home.
Hindu customs might prevent devout muslims from being included.
Rhada demanded that no friend, male or female, Muslim, Christian, or Jew, would be kept from attending, from being here to say goodbye.
Traditionally, the eldest son would light the pyre.
Rhada requested that our eldest daughter assume this task.
Philip and I were both devastated by Rhada's death.
And i supposed we both grieved in different ways.
It'll be good to get home.
Home? No, we we got to stay put.
We got to finish what Rhada started.
Well, maybe at some point, but not today or next week or next month even.
Don't, Philip.
Don't what? Right now there is a drought wreaking havoc in Hajipir while they have plenty of water in Gurez.
Huh? All we have to do is transport that water from one town to the next.
Teddy, it ain't that simple.
Dax, let's get moving.
Guys, I don't think I'm allowed to move cows in India.
Why don't you guys just get out and get some air, man? Stretch your legs.
Okay, let's just be clear about this.
Last night, India threatened a nuclear attack against Pakistan.
And surprise, surprise, Pakistan threatened to retaliate.
But Theodore Rist wants to transport water across the border where two armies are pointing weapons of mass destruction at each other.
If you're afraid, just say so.
Afraid? Okay, I'm sorry.
how's "reticent"? There's a point where courage becomes suicide.
And caution becomes cowardice.
So now you're calling me a coward? I'm not nominating you for a purple heart.
Damn you, Teddy.
I have a son! Guys, we can get going.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
You're right.
You should go.
Stay safe.
Dax will take you back to New York.
And you're gonna do what? I don't know.
Rhada's dead, so I've got to do something.
I'll be careful.
Now I was determined to keep my promise.
Not to Philip, but to Rhada.
Come hell or high taxes, I was going to bring water to the people who needed it most.
Sounds like you're a real do-gooder.
Why is it that you use the word "do-gooder" as if it's a dirty word.
I'd say your approach to a solution is foolhardy Perhaps.
Egotistical.
Certainly, but, you know, I've never claimed to be a saint, Timson.
Unlike you, I don't speak for God.
I don't speak for God.
I speak for the ordinary Joe.
Who do you think I'm trying to help here? Long term peace in places like Kashmir or Pakistan, or for that matter in Iraq or in the Gaza strip, they make our country safer.
Teddy, this plan of yours, it won't be as easy as you think.
I beg to differ.
You get me up to Gurez and put together a bipartisan council of local elders, I will seal this deal.
You know, that's, like, the hundredth indian convoy that's flown past.
Where are they headed, the line of control? Mm, the Pakistani army is also sending reinforcement to the other side.
Overnight we have 80,000 more soldiers lined up along the entire border.
When I was a boy, I traded saffron across the border at Hajipir-Uri.
Before the trade was halted? Yes.
My father, he was also in the saffron trade, and his father before him, for seven generations.
Oh.
Then a treaty was made, maps were redrawn, and our princely state was no more.
Back in the U.
S.
, you are a prince? Ha.
Yeah, kind of.
Of a lost kingdom called Wall Street.
Oh, money is your family trade.
Your father, he was also a money man? Yeah, he was, actually.
And you were able to inherit his business? I didn't take a penny from my father.
Philip Maidstone and I built this company on our own.
but you, you will pass it on to your son.
As adults, we make decisions which affe the lives of our children.
We say we're protecting them, but we're really protecting ourselves.
And by that, I mean protecting our prejudices.
The idea of bringing all the elders together was fine in theory.
What I needed was to catch a break, a little luck, some kismet.
Hey, kids.
You okay? Teddy.
I want you to meet a school friend of mine, Yaseen.
Yaseen, it's good to meet you, sir.
Yaseen's great great grandson is this day to be married.
Followed by a party, I assume.
When all of the elders of the town will be here.
You see.
Kismet.
Come.
Teddy.
Yes.
They want you to wear this at the wedding.
Really? For me? The arrangement has been completed.
It is a contract.
This sort of reminds me of my wedding.
Yeah? Mm.
Except that we eloped to Vegas and got hitched in the Elvis chapel.
But hey, love is love, right? The wedding was beautiful and at the party I finally got to talk to the elders.
- the mystic humanist philosopher nund rishi, h e lived in this regionmany centuries ago.
He taught God is one.
All religions are the same, only with 100 names.
The beloved is inside us all, right there within our own consciousness.
This Nund Rishi sounds like quite a fellow.
Okay, so there you were in this muslim enclave accomplishing what? My hope was to get the muslim elders of Gurez to share the water with the hindus on the other side of the line of control and in that spirit, I would ask you to formally offer the water from your village to the hindus at Hajipir to show the Indian and Pakistani governments that you are all Kashmiris.
What did what did he say? He said, "any hope of resolution always ends with Kashmir's broken heart.
" But if you were to offer the people of Hajipir your water, then they could feed their families, their children.
Just like this one.
And you could have peace.
What? What did he say? The last thing he said there.
He said, "the line of control is insurmountable.
" Well, so much for oneness.
You know, I thought by this point, you'd given up, that you'd realize that these lowlifes don't want peace.
They feed off of the hate.
Oh, my God, that is such an incredible generalization it's barely worth responding to.
Except to say that if that is so, how does that make them any different from you? You package and market hate and fear as if it was as if it was, well, this year's line of new toyotas.
Wrong.
I tell the truth unvarnished.
And with that, let's go to a commercial.
Teddy.
Yaseen and the others, they're afraid.
You think? But I'm not.
Rhada's death has given me new purpose.
I've decided to stay.
To stay and help my people.
What, and turn your back on a potential huge career in Mumbai? Have you never had similar thoughts? Right now, I'm having a great many thoughts.
But then, at this stage I'm usually drunk, so I'm gonna go for a walk.
Teddy.
I I have to come up with a new game plan.
Don't stray too far.
Me, stray? Never.
Go on, go back.
Enjoy yourself.
So, at that precise moment, you walked off into the darkness and disappeared.
Yeah, I have to admit I wasn't fully on top of my game that night.
And when I am off my game, I tend to do things which aren't exactly healthy.
You american man? No.
Worse, actually.
Half american, half brit.
Like a black and tan, you know? Black and tan? You mix stout with ale.
America like to drink.
Just occasionally, yeah.
Come on with the nightclub.
Nightclub? Yeah, you want to hear it? Let's hit the nightclub.
Let's hit the nightclub.
America, you like music? Yeah, sure.
The best music in Kashmir.
Yeah? You like the music? It's Kashmiri music.
Kashmiri hip hop, huh? Kashmiri music.
Here's drink, drink for you.
What is this? Kashmiri drink.
Very nice.
Drink, drink.
Is good? Damn, that's like diesel! Is best drink in Kashmir.
It's good.
So, you guys, you all you live around here? I live in Islamabad for, like, four years, man.
Didn't get along with my mother so she sent me to Kashmir to live with my father after he got out of jail.
Why was your old man in prison? It was political.
How so? He was soldier.
In the Indian army? No.
Not Indian soldier.
A real soldier.
A martyr.
Allahu Akbar.
Allahu Akbar.
Did I mention to you that, uh, that I was a friend of Che Guevara? Che rocks, man.
Yeah.
You know what he said the most important ingredient for a successful revolution was? Righteous ideology? No, no.
Cold, hard cash.
Ah! Like any sensible modern man, I always like to put a safe distance between myself and problems.
Go around! Only sometimes escaping one dilemma can make you smack straight into the next.
Mr.
Maidstone! Mr.
Maidstone! Mr.
Maidstone! Sir! Teddy Rist is missing.
He was last seen in the small village of Gurez in the Indian-controlled section of Kashmir.
The U.
S.
State Department is working very closely with both the Indian and Pakistani armed forces to locate him.
We at Maidstone-Rist have every faith that he will be found safe and returned home soon.
I'm leaving Mumbai immediately to join the rescue party in Kashmir.
Thank you so much for your time and patience.
Come in.
Just got word from Dax.
They found Teddy's sat phone about two miles from the village.
His sat phone, that's all? There was a bullet in it.
Oh, God.
Don't let that be Teddy.
It's not him.
What happened? Loks to me like wolves got him.
Let's spread out.
Be careful.
So, no one's heard anything from Teddy since he left Reema.
I mean, he could be hurt or He's not dead.
I'd know.
How? I just would, that's all.
We have another caller.
Buffalo, New York, you're on the spot.
Hello, Buffalo.
I had great chicken wings in Buffalo once.
A little bar called The Anchor, I believe.
Oh, the best in the world.
What's your question, sir? I remember seeing on Fox News the story about you going missing, Mr.
Rist.
Uh-huh.
Being lost in Kashmir and how they sent out all sorts of search parties to find you, which ended up costing a lot of money.
Yeah.
Do you think you're worth that much grief? No, absolutely not.
You don't think that you got special treatment because you're rich? Look, I have money, yes, which I've earned because I'm damn good at what I do.
But I am also fully aware that I am blessed.
I'm very lucky.
In fact, it was luck that saved my ass.
???????????????????? Walking back to Gurez, I had time to think, time to come up with a new strategy of how to get the water to the areas most affected by the drought.
So, what's the latest from New Delhi? Not very good news unfortunately, gentlemen.
I have spoken with my superiors and all 700 kilometers of the l.
o.
c.
Still firmly shut.
We can't leave this to the politicians, major.
You're gonna have to step up and just do what you think is right.
How? I'm one man against two belligerent governments, many terrorists, many, and decades of hate.
I am one man as well.
And you and I make two.
And Philip and Dax, that makes four.
And Reema Kirmani and her grandfather, that makes six.
Six? Still hopeless.
No.
6 6 can become 60.
Or 60,000, in the blink of an eye.
I still don't know what you mean.
This morning, I was reading Nund Rishi, the mystic humanist philosopher.
Oh.
Nund Rishi, sure.
Now, he says "children of the same parents, when will hindus and muslims cut down the tree of dualism " "When will God be pleased with them and grant them his grace?" Exactly.
Here's what I'm asking for.
One truck.
You let me drive one truck across that border.
Now I know that doesn't sound like much.
But it may bring about a sort of oneness.
If I disobey my orders, I will be dishonorably discharged.
We'll give you a job.
It's not the loss of job, it's the loss of honor to my family.
Trust me.
You will not dishonor them.
Quite the opposite.
Yo, Ted, let's get something straight, man.
No more wandering off by yourself.
Oh, Dax.
Look, I have a reputation to maintain, and said reputation would be dented if you die.
So no more disappearing around corners, man.
And no more dances with wolves, you got me? You know, you're just beginning to sound a little bit like my ex-wife.
Major, how's it going? Chatter is heavy, my friend.
All it would take is one insurgent to bring disaster plus, once we cross this side of the border, there's no telling how the Pakistani soldiers are gonna react.
Please, I've waited 60 years for this day.
Teddy, please, don't be afraid.
I'm coming with you.
Aajaa, no.
If not now, when? Then I will go too.
Okay, Teddy? I I'm not so sure.
I'm going.
Guess she's going then.
Bet you 50 bucks that I make it to the other side.
Sucker bet.
I lose either way.
Okay.
Come on.
Let's hit it.
So, what's with the red flag? If we go any further, they shoot.
Nice of them to warn us.
Okay.
Teddy, leave this one to us.
Please.
Okay.
You offer them the The same terms that I offered Major Naik.
Okay.
The funny thing is it's called the line of control but ultimately, it doesn't keep the peace.
It hinders it, keeps the tension alive.
We sat there and waited, hoping the Pakistani commander wanted the same thing we did: Peace.
And water for his people.
Teddy.
Yeah.
He has accepted.
Okay, drive as soon as the gate opens.
They may change their minds.
Okay.
Yes! The people of Hajipir finally got what they desperately needed.
The thing that we in this country take for granted.
Water.
That is not true.
That is not true.
There are droughts in the U.
S.
of A.
in lower Florida, in California, Arizona, Texas.
What have you done for those fine people, Teddy Rist? What have you done I will tell you.
For this country that has offered you so much? Up to now, you're right.
Not enough.
But as a direct result of our experiences in Kashmir, we have been able to develop state of the art irrigation systems that will be put into use on farms in San Antonio and Austin, and that's my point, Timson.
You can view America's problems and you can say, "screw the rest of the world, we can manage just fine on our own.
" Or or we can look into every corner of the world and maybe, just maybe, learn some lessons.
Lessons that will benefit our children's future.
That is the legacy that my friend Rhada Shivpuri has left behind.
That is the precious gift she left her daughters.
The gift she left to all of us.