Top Gear (2002) s02e04 Episode Script
Clarkson Doesn't Get Bored of Driving
Tonight - an MP in our reasonably priced car.
A nice relaxing smoke in a new Aston Martin.
And a mad Jag gone bad.
Hello.
We have a Jaguar theme.
Later, I'll look at the new XJ.
Look what we have in the hangar.
The R Coupe.
It's the only one in the world.
Have you ever seen such a beautiful car? AUDIENCE: No! Neither have I.
But it isn't actually a car.
It's a one-off, a flight of fancy.
Jaguar built it to show where they're going.
We start tonight with where they came from.
We climbed Everest and raced this Jaguar C-Type at Le Mans.
This was the first car to lap the Le Mans circuit at an average speed of over 100mph.
Interestingly, the bloke driving was totally and utterly TYRES SCREECH .
.
drunk! Steady! 'His name was Duncan Hamilton.
'He and co-driver Tony Rolt qualified for Le Mans OK, but were disqualified on a technicality.
' A-a-a-argh! Hamilton went to a local bar and got hog-whimperingly bladdered.
The race organisers decided he could race.
We have the lariest car at the start of the most gruelling race.
At the wheel, the most plastered driver.
Guess what happened? He won.
This set the tone for Jaguar - cars for rotters, cads, bounders.
It's my favourite racing story.
My favourite part is, at the first few pitstops to refuel the car, they gave Duncan Hamilton black coffee.
He said, "No! It's making me jittery! " So they gave him brandy! Fill the car with fuel and him with brandy! Later - there's no windscreen on the car - 130mph, bird, boof! He never noticed! It was hanging in tatters - "No, not giving up! " Jaguar continued in that spirit because in the '60s they had this.
The Mark 2 - glamorous enough for David Bailey, genteel enough for Inspector Morse, fast enough for London's villains.
Let me show you one feature, one little detail that sums up the impact the Mark 2 had when it came in 1959.
I don't mean the beautiful grille, that long bonnet or the wire wheels.
It's back here.
This badge.
Dunlop disc brakes.
They weren't just showing off.
These were the same disc brakes that brought them Le Mans victory.
Jaguar worried that because they stopped the Mark 2 so quickly, mere mortals might pile into the back.
That might sound twee.
But in 1959, this technology was mind-blowing.
Good enough, in fact, to put the Mark 2 in a league of its own.
Today, Jaguar struggles with German rivals BMW, Mercedes and Audi, but how was the competition back then? This is the Mercedes.
A 220 saloon.
Mmm.
Racy! This is the BMW 2000.
It's getting there, but powerwise, it's still in short trousers.
And this is the Audi.
They weren't trying.
They hadn't even bothered to exist in 1959.
Not only did the Mark 2 drive better than everything else, it also looked better.
Quite tricky to pull off.
More so when you consider in 1959, Jaguar didn't have a styling department - no style gurus to draw these glorious shapes.
Sir William Lyons, Jaguar's founder, in the day would run the company.
On summer evenings, he'd work on the prototypes here in his garden, using the light, looking to see how it fell on these gorgeous curves.
The head gardener of the time says the local children would line up along that wall and watch him work.
The 3.
8 could hit 60mph in eight and a half seconds - that was faster than all the Germans, faster than many purpose-built sports cars of the day.
Faster, even, than some modern S-Type Jags.
Best of all, it was accessible because it was cheap.
If you consider changing fashions, it wasn't the Jaguar of its time.
It was the Subaru Impreza.
An Aston Martin DB4 came in at £3,200 with 300bhp.
But you could have a Mark 2 Jaguar 3.
8 with 220bhp for £1,600.
Some didn't pay that.
The Mark 2 was the car of choice for Britain's getaway drivers.
Roy James, the getaway driver for the Great Train Robbers, was particular about his Jag Mark 2s.
He'd always steal a 3.
4 rather than a 3.
8 as he preferred the handling.
Not a lot of people know that.
ENGINE ROARS The Mark 2 ran for most of the '60s, but by 1968 it was all over.
Not a bad thing.
Jaguar had been swallowed up by British Leyland.
The BL monster screwed up everything.
So it had its eight-year run - like most cars - but for me it's the ultimate Jaguar.
Not the first time they used this design or engine, but as a package, the Mark 2 became the definitive Jaguar saloon.
It doesn't have the E-Type's knock-out glamour, but the way we see Jaguars today as fast, affordable, classy sports saloons was defined by this.
I like the Mark 2, hugely.
I didn't get into Jaguar till they launched the Supercharge in 1990 Four.
Four.
Black XJRs are sinister - Hannibal Lecter had one.
He WAS sinister.
I had one.
You're quite sinister.
The great thing was, if you parked it outside a post office, while you were away you sensed it was robbing the place.
Or eating the post mistress.
JEREMY MAKES EATING NOISES The Lecter mobile is gone - this is the new XJ.
This is the Jaguar saloon for the Right.
We start tonight with some Vauxhall news - of interest to these chaps cos you have an Astra diesel and he's got a Vectra - not a new one.
Dearie me.
We've managed to get a photo of next year's Astra.
Who wants to see it? Nope.
Yeah.
You would like to see? OK, fair enough.
It IS nice.
It's really nice.
Terrific.
It'll never look anything like that.
I thought that so I rang Vauxhall.
I asked if it would look like that.
They said yes.
"If it doesn't, can I eat your dog? " And he said yes.
"The three-door Astra will look like that.
" Fabulous.
Absolutely.
Have a look at this, OK? A Ferrari.
This stripe's what we're interested in.
Reading down this options list, how much do you think this costs? If you want the stripe.
£1,000.
£1,500.
For some paint?! Shall I tell you? £3,643.
For a stripe.
Bargain! Bargain! Says the man with the Astra diesel! LAUGHTER They have a championship race where these compete.
This is the road-going version.
It costs £30,000 more.
But it's lighter, lower, they firm up the suspension, about 425bhp, paddle shift and before you bleat about flappy gearboxes, it's good.
Sorry! Have you driven it? Yes.
What happened? I crashed it.
LAUGHTER What happened? I went round a corner, then I went round lots! I span it several times.
This is why it's called the F360.
You're driving and then you go, "F " and do a 360.
You know, you could be right! I've got news.
When Rover MG bought itself from BMW for £10 a few years ago, they made some fairly bold claims about what they'd do.
They said they'd have a new 45 by 2003, have a V8 engine in the ZT, they said there'd be an SV super car, they'd make a space shuttle.
Space station.
They were gonna build a space shuttle to get there.
A Rover space station would be fab, dark metallic green, with a grill that would appear every 24 hours.
A really nice clock somewhere, too.
We're just thinking of Rover.
IN BRUMMIE ACCENT: T minus six Did someone say tea?! It's 3.
30pm now, we're knocking off, mate! We'll do the launch in the morning.
Anyway.
No Rover space station.
No super car, no Rover 45s, they've not annexed China or bought India.
But what they have done - I have a photo - is launch some hoops for the MG.
Check it out.
You can now buy those hoops which, er, will cost you £280, including VAT.
Or, attached to the car LAUGHTER .
.
£339.
Reliability studies.
Oh, God.
We love these because they tell us which cars break down and why.
This one's reliabilityindex.
com.
Internet.
Maybe not the best start.
This makes interesting reading.
Here's their most reliable cars.
Their top ten goes - number one, Mazda.
Fair point.
Anyone got a Mazda? Yep.
Does it ever break down? No.
They never do.
MX5 goes for ever.
Then in second place, Ford.
Mmm.
Anyone got a Ford? Yes.
Ever break down? No.
Yes.
Some do, some don't.
I think this reliability index gets a bit weak.
Third most reliable car - Fiat.
LAUGHTER I mean, then it's got, you know, Honda, Volkswagen, Mercedes, Toyota, Volvo.
But third, Fiat! What have they got as the most unreliable car? The second least reliable make - LEAST reliable - is Subaru! LAUGHTER They're the most reliable cars imaginable! I've never had a letter from a Subaru owner saying, "My Subaru broke down.
" So.
No, no! What's the most unreliable? Toyota? I bet it's Toyota.
Jeep.
Jeep - oh, Jeep was one? Yeah.
Do you want that? Absolute rubbish! LAUGHTER Interesting.
A brochure about the opening of a new car park in Leeds.
"We're changing how people park and also how they think about parking.
" Think about parking?! You're done! "Parking provides a vital link in the mobility chain.
" It does "It is never an end in itself.
" You don't go and do some parking! Had a nice day?! I've been invited to the opening of this car park.
In Leeds? I have to say I'm very disappointed in it.
When I joined Top Gear, I thought, "Here we go.
Film festivals.
" No.
My invite's to the opening of a car park.
It says - "Yes, please.
I'd like to come to the car park opening.
I'll be arriving A - by car, B - on foot.
" I rang them and said, "I'll come by car.
Will there be parking?" When I hosted Have I Got News For You, seven people called the BBC to say I was a very bad presenter.
When my guest tonight hosted it, and said he was excellent.
He's the Conservative MP for Henley, editor of The Spectator, and it seems he's 92 times better than me at hosting news quizzes.
Boris Johnson.
How are you? Nice to see you.
Have a seat.
This Have I Got News For You stuff.
It is tricky, isn't it? Very.
Tricky for me, at least.
It was trying to remember what bit to look at at any given time.
Angus earned his money.
They should bring him back.
Who agrees? AUDIENCE: YES! Not hanging, but bring back Angus.
The thing I've got to find out is most politicians seem pretty incompetent, but have a veneer of competence.
You seem to do it the other way round.
Yes.
It is possible that beneath the veneer of a blithering idiot there lurks a blithering idiot.
Are you a blithering idiot? No, no, my dear fellow.
You didn't drive a tractor through a barn? It's perfectly true.
It was long ago.
Have you ever driven a tractor very fast? No.
Nobody has.
Well, this was a fast one, by my standards.
A Massey Ferguson with many gears.
And at the crucial moment I couldn't remember which to use to slow down.
I sort of blanked, and I went out through the back of the barn Through the wall? Yup.
Anyway, it was all right in the end.
They docked my pay where I was working.
It was easy to replace the wall.
What were you, a tractor driver? Part time, yes.
And now, you write about cars? Yes, well, Jeremy, I sit at your feet in terms of writing about cars.
Like Aeschylus feasting from scraps from the rich banquet of Homer.
That's the sort of thing that goes down big on Top Gear, isn't it? That's a good thing? It is good.
I do enjoy your motoring column in GQ magazine.
It's very good.
I don't know anything about cars.
I shouldn't say that, actually.
I know more than I used to.
This is a little observation that Boris made about the Maserati.
"Look how much has been crammed in.
The great, big, fat, long things.
"The vast doodah with the squiggly bits coming out of the, er " Jeremy, I Do you really know your stuff about cars? Absolutely no idea.
I've no idea how an engine works.
People have sat me down and said Do you know? No.
Not the faintest.
The pistons go up and down and you go along.
How does it happen? He'll know.
He's got a beard.
It is a miracle.
But I'm a very keen cyclist.
Unlike you, I think.
I loathe bikes.
And you talk on a mobile while you're doing it.
No.
Well, I do.
Yes.
I wanted to make a point about my willingness to reform, as it's true that I did once talk on a mobile phone whilst cycling.
And why shouldn't you be able to? Because you can't reach the brakes.
You can with one hand.
I Are you saying people with one arm shouldn't be allowed bikes? LAUGHTER Are you? Because I put it to you that that's discriminatory.
People with one arm shouldn't ride bikes What do you mean? No-one should be allowed to ride a bike.
They take up too much space.
And they don't pay to be there.
I think bicycles are wonderful.
You wouldn't park in a cycle lane, would you? I do drive in them.
You drive in them? And bus lanes.
They're a great idea.
For you? Yeah, because you think, "Everyone's not in it, I'm late" and zoom up it.
Are you allowed to say that on telly? I just did.
I defy the makers of Top Gear to keep that in the final edit.
I think that's a challenge.
Who drives in bus lanes? One.
Two.
Exactly.
There's only three of us.
They're empty for our use.
Do you like the road? Are you the kind of guy whose car's towed away? It has been towed away now and then, yeah.
I wouldn't hide it from you.
I have to say the last time it happened it was in defiance of every bylaw.
My car was legally parked.
And I had the testimony of TWO traffic wardens that it was legally parked in a residents' parking bay.
Mmm-hmm.
But the point I want to make is that once your car is one inch off the ground, once it's in that dreadful hammock, it is no longer yours.
You have no rights over it.
Nothing you can say to the tower I have a theory on that.
I think if you leapt onto the bonnet as it was dangling around Got one wheel down on the Tarmac? There's no way in hell that They'll have to put it down again.
I'm sure of that.
You're here to find out how good a driver you are.
I have an idea.
Really? I think I'm extremely bad.
"Extremely bad"! Who'd like to see Boris's lap? Yes! Here we go.
Well, that was a start.
It's made clear to me why we're coached.
I'm the worst driver there's ever been! Aim for the apex.
Aim for the apex! SOMETHING BEEPS Who hooted at me? Someone hooted.
This is quite There we are! Across the line! Don't feel bad about going off-road.
Was it uncomfortable? It was fine.
Very good car.
It is.
Very reasonably priced.
You can buy it for 25p.
Really? That one! Where do you think you're going to come? Up with Jay Kay, Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay? Or Jonathan Ross, Harry Enfield? I think towards the If not the very last.
You couldn't be slower than Harry Enfield.
I've no idea.
He's terrified someone will be slower.
He's only On that track, that's four years.
Anyway, I have your time here.
You did it in one minute He's faster than Jonathan Ross! Could be worse.
Could be worse.
Boris Johnson! APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH The new Jaguar XJ.
It looks exactly the same as the old Jaguar XJ.
That can't have been difficult to design - "What shall we do? I like the old one, let's do that.
" But in fact it's bigger, so you get stuff you didn't get on the old XJ.
Things like room in the back for full-size people.
Comfortable? I never noticed that as a big problem for some reason.
You also get, for the first time, a proper-sized boot that you can get stuff in.
Comfy? Very.
Despite being so much bigger, it's a fifth of a ton lighter than the previous XJ.
That's because the new one is made of aluminium.
A lighter car is nimbler, faster, more economical and kinder to the environment.
The old XJ, the one I couldn't fit in the boot of, that was made of lead and rock and churches.
It was like a big velvet glove - pick you up after a hard day and gently deposit you at home.
This one, what worries me is that some of the Jaguariness will have been lost.
To find out, I designed a cunning test.
Because Jaguars are supposed to ease the burden of travel, I thought I'd see how far I could go before I got bored and tired.
There are so many things that usually annoy me on a motorway - Iike people in Mondeos, registration number M134 LWR, who sit in the middle lane for no reason.
But there is fun stuff, too.
This is Staffordshire now, voted recently in a Country Life survey, as the worst county in England.
But they won't have looked at the important things - the quality of slip roads going into service stations.
On that front, Stafford Services is in a class of its own.
Here we go.
You could brake hard, good brakes.
Hug the apex all the way, let it run wide.
The air suspension working overtime, keeps us flat and level.
Into the hairpin.
And Here we are, coming up to the pits.
What a lap! I can't believe how light the door is.
You know the Little Tikes cars kids have? Red ones with yellow rooves? That's what this feels like.
Watch this.
It should pay dividends where it matters - here.
One of the worst things about the old Jag was filling it up - it went, "Zz-ggh zz-ggh.
" This, though, is going in smoothly.
That's a big improvement.
Out of the services, it was time for another jam.
Guess what was at the other end.
Cheshire.
I'm not sure the Jag will play well here.
Its bonnet is not onyx enough.
If you're interested in aesthetics, you need either a Sport or the XJR, like I've got here.
If you buy the SE, you get the worst radiator grille in the world.
And the wheels are too narrow on SEs.
So they look pinched, like Joyce Grenfell.
Except not just pinched, they've also got that silly grille, so Like that.
I'll tell you what is nice - they must have been tempted to go with the Kevlar interior, but they stuck with wood and leather.
You still feel hemmed in - big, tall, centre console and It's just nice.
It's like you're in an eiderdown.
Now, time for the traditional motorway traveller's smorgasbord.
Double Decker.
That's the trouble with eating Double Deckers - bits of it fall off into your lap.
Try a Twirl.
Boost Guarana.
Oh, got a New Chunky Kit Kat! Twix, an old favourite.
Mmm.
That's very good.
That was a delicious lunch.
Looking forward to my tea.
William Hague once said to me I was the type of person who thought the Lake District got in the way of the M6.
It does.
We have to go round these corners for these silly lumps.
It is pretty, though.
I hate car journeys.
They're so mind-crashingly boring.
But after six hours and 330 miles in a Jag, I was still relaxed.
No matter what the irritation.
MUSIC: "Smack My Bitch Up" by Prodigy This is Radio One.
Normally, that's like having a screwdriver shoved inside you.
But today, it's fine.
This chap wants to "bitchslap his 'ho".
Why not? Good luck to you, fella.
Let's try Radio Four.
'Society hasn't always valued originality.
'Should we? ' It's Melvin Bragg's philosophy show.
'To what extent is originality about perception? 'Is originality a concept without meaning today? ' I'm not with you.
I don't understand the question.
So, this is Glasgow and I'm still feeling fresh.
I shall plough on.
Glad I did, because in Scotland the Jag got even better.
On the motorway, it felt like a comfortable cruiser, like a 7 Series BMW, now the motorway's finished and it's twisty and curvy, it seems to have shrunk.
I would swear I was driving a car the size of a 3 Series BMW.
This is what we want - it soothes away the monotony of the motorway and then sticks its hand down your trousers when the road gets curly.
Which it has done! The old XJR drank fuel like a space shuttle.
This one got from Stafford to the Highlands on one tank.
Just.
I'm now playing what I call Fuel Light Bingo The rules are simple - Iet the fuel light come on, then let the needle go through the red till it's at the bottom of the gauge.
When you see a sign saying, "Services 1 mile and 27 miles", go for the furthest one away and when you get there, go past that.
If you make it home, the next day your wife fills up the car for you.
I think it's a great game.
My wife doesn't like it very much.
If you lose, you run out of petrol.
When I finally coughed into a shop that sold petrol from one of Robert Louis Stevenson's pumps, it turned out the Jag had done 22.
7 mpg.
Not bad for a supercharged 4.
2 litre V8.
Oh, dear.
I seem to have run out of country.
This time of night, should be quite a nice trip back.
So what's the verdict, Jeremy? Well, I still like the Fuse best of all.
The Boost was like a Double Decker, you arrive with melted brown.
Jeremy, the car.
Oh, the verdict on the car? It's very good and at £58,000 for the XJR, it's good value for money.
That's a lot cheaper than the BMW, Merc or Audi.
What's your favourite in the range? Er The 4.
2 SE, it's the most Jaguar-y.
Yours? At the entry level, the three-litre V6 is about 39? That's a perfectly acceptable car.
In the XJR, I wafted up to John O'Groats.
No backache, wasn't tired.
The only thing I didn't like was the air suspension.
The old XJ used to glide around at low speeds.
The air suspension can't absorb bumps at slow speeds.
We hope air suspension goes away very soon.
And takes those flappy gearboxes.
Yes.
Right, the Cool Wall, where's it going to go? Black XJR.
Where's it going? I think we've kind of proven.
Cool? I think it's bordering on super On sub zero.
Black XJR It's there.
Mmm There.
It's also getting higher! I won't even go there.
I can't be bothered.
The rest of the range has a problem.
It looks just like that! Isn't that uncanny? Incredible! AUDIENCE LAUGH Isn't that a dreadful grille? Just say, "Yes, Jeremy.
" AUDIENCE: Yes, Jeremy.
I've found a dealer who, for £250, will put the XJR grille on any XJ.
Really? That admits it's wrong, but if it's got that standard grille, the Jeremy's face grille, that's uncool.
Sorry! It spoils it.
Now, would you buy the Jag over anything else? I'm a Jag man, yes.
So would I.
I wouldn't buy the 7 Series BM, as it's too ugly.
The Audi A8 isn't quite there yet.
S-Class Mercedes Merchant banker.
Merchant banker, yeah! It's a merchant banker's car, so yeah, I'd have the Jag.
But there is one slight problem.
In a few weeks we'll be testing this, the new Volkswagen Phaeton.
I suspect that this will put a big German fly in Jaguar's ointment.
Now, Hammond, do you have £58,500 to spend on a new XJR? I don't.
I don't.
But with insider dealing, we've got more sense than money.
This is the 1994 XJR, with six cylinders, but still a nice car.
More raw than the others as well.
It's like this, but with different wheels.
I found one in black at less than £8,000.
That's a tempting buy.
But? I have got a slight reservation.
Buy one by all means, you'll be very happy.
I've nearly done it a couple of times.
But it will lose money, and never stop.
If it's £8,000 now, that'll be halved next year.
I'm not saying don't buy one.
But buy one knowing that you'll keep it, because it'll lose value.
Here's the ultimate underground car.
It's called the Jaguar XKRR.
It's lowered, it has racing seats, there's a place to put your helmet, it's got enormous wheels and exhausts by Matrix Churchill, it's a concept.
But, unlike the R Coupe we saw at the start, this one actually works.
Unlike any previous XK, this one has a manual gearbox.
You can do 58 miles an hour in first! They've also changed the rear suspension, an XK Achilles heel.
In fact, they've changed the whole rear and added a limited-slip diff.
Which meansyou can do this.
'If you try this in a normal XK '.
.
you'd spin.
But this just grips and goes.
It's a cat 'gone feral!' I love this car.
But sadly, they can't put it into production, because Jaguar has a sister company, Aston Martin.
This would jump up and down all over Aston's new car, the DB7 GT.
This shape has been with us for ten years, but neither time nor Aston's misguided attempts to improve it have managed to ruin it.
For the GT, they've gone mad.
There's a new boot lid, there are lumps on the bonnet, and there's a new radiator grille.
All these things are terrible, but when Sean Connery grew a beard, my wife still fancied him.
FAINT BEEPING Inside, you still get a handmade feel.
When I shut the centre console lid, the ashtray opens.
This window won't shut properly, so once you go over 50mph, you get a bit of wind noise.
But that's not the most annoying sound that the Aston makes.
You stop this "bong" by closing the door, but when you start the ignition, you get a new "bong".
It must be to remind Americans they're in a car.
Actually, you couldn't sell this to an American.
He wouldn't fit.
There's nowhere for my left leg, or for my head.
Remember that beneath everything, this is basically a Jaguar XJS.
It's a 30-year-old design.
How much are they charging for all this? £104,000! 'It's time to tuck the DB7 up in bed with a nice mug of cocoa, 'and let Jaguar make that brilliant XKRR instead.
'Except for one tiny detail.
' This GT version is not just a cynical marketing exercise.
It's not just a beard to cover the wrinkles.
What it is, is amazing.
It may be cramped, old and expensive, but it is epic fun.
The old DB7 was never much cop to drive, but they've been through it with a fine-tooth comb and changed it.
They've stiffened up the bushes at the front and I cannot tell you, I cannot stress enough how much it's improved.
ENGINE REVS It's not just better than the old DB7.
I know of no other car which offers such an intoxicating blend of grip, handling, and surprisingly, ride comfort.
There's something else as well.
Power! Round round, baby, round round, spend the night on me I don't need no man Got my kicks for free God, it's fast! 'Sounds good too.
Listen to this.
' ENGINE GROWLS HEARTILY HE CHUCKLES 'The six-litre V12 is more powerful 'than a normal DB7 and then, there's its party piece.
' Let me show you something.
I'm gonna stop, put it into fourth gear, and off we go.
It sets off fine in fourth.
Foot down, and we're going at 40 miles an hour.
Still in fourth.
I've not changed.
that's 0-135 in one gear! HE CHUCKLES 'For the last few years the DB7's been an ageing rocker, 'trying to cut it in a Coldplay MP3 world 'of Porsche 911s and Foo Fighter Ferraris.
'But now, thanks to a cocktail of botox and Viagra, 'it's up there with the best of them.
' What a car! I know.
But I don't like these bumps and louvres they've put on it.
So I had a wheeze, like Boris Johnson.
What you should do is buy a used DB7 V12, take it to Aston Martin, and they can put the GT suspension stuff on it, and do the engine as well if you want.
Brilliant! How much does that cost? Well, a used DB7 is about £60,000, and then £10k for the suspension, and another £10k for the engine.
Is that your used-car tip?! You've taken an expensive car and turned it intoan expensive car! It's 80 grand! It's all part of the service, as is our lap, so it's time to pump up the Stig, and see how fast it goes round.
Away he goes.
Lots of wheel-spin there.
The six-litre V12 is working hard.
Stig is in a mellow mood today.
Now, down to Chicago Tidy.
Last week, the Alpina Z8 was rubbish on the road but blistering on our track.
The Aston is vice versa.
That soft suspension is good on the road.
That's mad driving from the Stig! I'm not sure it'll be fast here.
That is very fast through the follow-through.
Down to the penultimate bend, sliding all over the place! Ooh, Stig, come on, have to gamble! Lurching in several directions, and across the line in one minute and 30.
4 seconds.
That's very quick, and Aston Martin reckoned it would've gone quicker, but it had a full tank of fuel.
But that's faster than an Audi S4.
And behind the Alpina.
But as road cars go, that's one of the best I've driven in years.
Now, who'd like to see the XKRR do a lap? AUDIENCE: Yeah! So would we.
But since I drove it, it's gone back, and Jaguar are fiddling with the rear suspension.
So when we asked if we could have it for the Stig, they said "Yes, "but it's currently like a greasy weasel.
" They said the Stig wouldn't want to drive it in that state.
And they're right, he probably wouldn't, if we'd have told him! Here he comes now, round the first corner.
Getting himself warmed oh, look at him already! Ha ha ha! Come on, Stig, try to stay with it! JEREMY AND AUDIENCE LAUGH And that's a full 360 from the Stig! Across the line backwards! APPLAUSE Good old Stig.
On that multidirectional bombshell, I'm afraid we've got to go.
But we'll see you next week.
Good night.
Bye!
A nice relaxing smoke in a new Aston Martin.
And a mad Jag gone bad.
Hello.
We have a Jaguar theme.
Later, I'll look at the new XJ.
Look what we have in the hangar.
The R Coupe.
It's the only one in the world.
Have you ever seen such a beautiful car? AUDIENCE: No! Neither have I.
But it isn't actually a car.
It's a one-off, a flight of fancy.
Jaguar built it to show where they're going.
We start tonight with where they came from.
We climbed Everest and raced this Jaguar C-Type at Le Mans.
This was the first car to lap the Le Mans circuit at an average speed of over 100mph.
Interestingly, the bloke driving was totally and utterly TYRES SCREECH .
.
drunk! Steady! 'His name was Duncan Hamilton.
'He and co-driver Tony Rolt qualified for Le Mans OK, but were disqualified on a technicality.
' A-a-a-argh! Hamilton went to a local bar and got hog-whimperingly bladdered.
The race organisers decided he could race.
We have the lariest car at the start of the most gruelling race.
At the wheel, the most plastered driver.
Guess what happened? He won.
This set the tone for Jaguar - cars for rotters, cads, bounders.
It's my favourite racing story.
My favourite part is, at the first few pitstops to refuel the car, they gave Duncan Hamilton black coffee.
He said, "No! It's making me jittery! " So they gave him brandy! Fill the car with fuel and him with brandy! Later - there's no windscreen on the car - 130mph, bird, boof! He never noticed! It was hanging in tatters - "No, not giving up! " Jaguar continued in that spirit because in the '60s they had this.
The Mark 2 - glamorous enough for David Bailey, genteel enough for Inspector Morse, fast enough for London's villains.
Let me show you one feature, one little detail that sums up the impact the Mark 2 had when it came in 1959.
I don't mean the beautiful grille, that long bonnet or the wire wheels.
It's back here.
This badge.
Dunlop disc brakes.
They weren't just showing off.
These were the same disc brakes that brought them Le Mans victory.
Jaguar worried that because they stopped the Mark 2 so quickly, mere mortals might pile into the back.
That might sound twee.
But in 1959, this technology was mind-blowing.
Good enough, in fact, to put the Mark 2 in a league of its own.
Today, Jaguar struggles with German rivals BMW, Mercedes and Audi, but how was the competition back then? This is the Mercedes.
A 220 saloon.
Mmm.
Racy! This is the BMW 2000.
It's getting there, but powerwise, it's still in short trousers.
And this is the Audi.
They weren't trying.
They hadn't even bothered to exist in 1959.
Not only did the Mark 2 drive better than everything else, it also looked better.
Quite tricky to pull off.
More so when you consider in 1959, Jaguar didn't have a styling department - no style gurus to draw these glorious shapes.
Sir William Lyons, Jaguar's founder, in the day would run the company.
On summer evenings, he'd work on the prototypes here in his garden, using the light, looking to see how it fell on these gorgeous curves.
The head gardener of the time says the local children would line up along that wall and watch him work.
The 3.
8 could hit 60mph in eight and a half seconds - that was faster than all the Germans, faster than many purpose-built sports cars of the day.
Faster, even, than some modern S-Type Jags.
Best of all, it was accessible because it was cheap.
If you consider changing fashions, it wasn't the Jaguar of its time.
It was the Subaru Impreza.
An Aston Martin DB4 came in at £3,200 with 300bhp.
But you could have a Mark 2 Jaguar 3.
8 with 220bhp for £1,600.
Some didn't pay that.
The Mark 2 was the car of choice for Britain's getaway drivers.
Roy James, the getaway driver for the Great Train Robbers, was particular about his Jag Mark 2s.
He'd always steal a 3.
4 rather than a 3.
8 as he preferred the handling.
Not a lot of people know that.
ENGINE ROARS The Mark 2 ran for most of the '60s, but by 1968 it was all over.
Not a bad thing.
Jaguar had been swallowed up by British Leyland.
The BL monster screwed up everything.
So it had its eight-year run - like most cars - but for me it's the ultimate Jaguar.
Not the first time they used this design or engine, but as a package, the Mark 2 became the definitive Jaguar saloon.
It doesn't have the E-Type's knock-out glamour, but the way we see Jaguars today as fast, affordable, classy sports saloons was defined by this.
I like the Mark 2, hugely.
I didn't get into Jaguar till they launched the Supercharge in 1990 Four.
Four.
Black XJRs are sinister - Hannibal Lecter had one.
He WAS sinister.
I had one.
You're quite sinister.
The great thing was, if you parked it outside a post office, while you were away you sensed it was robbing the place.
Or eating the post mistress.
JEREMY MAKES EATING NOISES The Lecter mobile is gone - this is the new XJ.
This is the Jaguar saloon for the Right.
We start tonight with some Vauxhall news - of interest to these chaps cos you have an Astra diesel and he's got a Vectra - not a new one.
Dearie me.
We've managed to get a photo of next year's Astra.
Who wants to see it? Nope.
Yeah.
You would like to see? OK, fair enough.
It IS nice.
It's really nice.
Terrific.
It'll never look anything like that.
I thought that so I rang Vauxhall.
I asked if it would look like that.
They said yes.
"If it doesn't, can I eat your dog? " And he said yes.
"The three-door Astra will look like that.
" Fabulous.
Absolutely.
Have a look at this, OK? A Ferrari.
This stripe's what we're interested in.
Reading down this options list, how much do you think this costs? If you want the stripe.
£1,000.
£1,500.
For some paint?! Shall I tell you? £3,643.
For a stripe.
Bargain! Bargain! Says the man with the Astra diesel! LAUGHTER They have a championship race where these compete.
This is the road-going version.
It costs £30,000 more.
But it's lighter, lower, they firm up the suspension, about 425bhp, paddle shift and before you bleat about flappy gearboxes, it's good.
Sorry! Have you driven it? Yes.
What happened? I crashed it.
LAUGHTER What happened? I went round a corner, then I went round lots! I span it several times.
This is why it's called the F360.
You're driving and then you go, "F " and do a 360.
You know, you could be right! I've got news.
When Rover MG bought itself from BMW for £10 a few years ago, they made some fairly bold claims about what they'd do.
They said they'd have a new 45 by 2003, have a V8 engine in the ZT, they said there'd be an SV super car, they'd make a space shuttle.
Space station.
They were gonna build a space shuttle to get there.
A Rover space station would be fab, dark metallic green, with a grill that would appear every 24 hours.
A really nice clock somewhere, too.
We're just thinking of Rover.
IN BRUMMIE ACCENT: T minus six Did someone say tea?! It's 3.
30pm now, we're knocking off, mate! We'll do the launch in the morning.
Anyway.
No Rover space station.
No super car, no Rover 45s, they've not annexed China or bought India.
But what they have done - I have a photo - is launch some hoops for the MG.
Check it out.
You can now buy those hoops which, er, will cost you £280, including VAT.
Or, attached to the car LAUGHTER .
.
£339.
Reliability studies.
Oh, God.
We love these because they tell us which cars break down and why.
This one's reliabilityindex.
com.
Internet.
Maybe not the best start.
This makes interesting reading.
Here's their most reliable cars.
Their top ten goes - number one, Mazda.
Fair point.
Anyone got a Mazda? Yep.
Does it ever break down? No.
They never do.
MX5 goes for ever.
Then in second place, Ford.
Mmm.
Anyone got a Ford? Yes.
Ever break down? No.
Yes.
Some do, some don't.
I think this reliability index gets a bit weak.
Third most reliable car - Fiat.
LAUGHTER I mean, then it's got, you know, Honda, Volkswagen, Mercedes, Toyota, Volvo.
But third, Fiat! What have they got as the most unreliable car? The second least reliable make - LEAST reliable - is Subaru! LAUGHTER They're the most reliable cars imaginable! I've never had a letter from a Subaru owner saying, "My Subaru broke down.
" So.
No, no! What's the most unreliable? Toyota? I bet it's Toyota.
Jeep.
Jeep - oh, Jeep was one? Yeah.
Do you want that? Absolute rubbish! LAUGHTER Interesting.
A brochure about the opening of a new car park in Leeds.
"We're changing how people park and also how they think about parking.
" Think about parking?! You're done! "Parking provides a vital link in the mobility chain.
" It does "It is never an end in itself.
" You don't go and do some parking! Had a nice day?! I've been invited to the opening of this car park.
In Leeds? I have to say I'm very disappointed in it.
When I joined Top Gear, I thought, "Here we go.
Film festivals.
" No.
My invite's to the opening of a car park.
It says - "Yes, please.
I'd like to come to the car park opening.
I'll be arriving A - by car, B - on foot.
" I rang them and said, "I'll come by car.
Will there be parking?" When I hosted Have I Got News For You, seven people called the BBC to say I was a very bad presenter.
When my guest tonight hosted it, and said he was excellent.
He's the Conservative MP for Henley, editor of The Spectator, and it seems he's 92 times better than me at hosting news quizzes.
Boris Johnson.
How are you? Nice to see you.
Have a seat.
This Have I Got News For You stuff.
It is tricky, isn't it? Very.
Tricky for me, at least.
It was trying to remember what bit to look at at any given time.
Angus earned his money.
They should bring him back.
Who agrees? AUDIENCE: YES! Not hanging, but bring back Angus.
The thing I've got to find out is most politicians seem pretty incompetent, but have a veneer of competence.
You seem to do it the other way round.
Yes.
It is possible that beneath the veneer of a blithering idiot there lurks a blithering idiot.
Are you a blithering idiot? No, no, my dear fellow.
You didn't drive a tractor through a barn? It's perfectly true.
It was long ago.
Have you ever driven a tractor very fast? No.
Nobody has.
Well, this was a fast one, by my standards.
A Massey Ferguson with many gears.
And at the crucial moment I couldn't remember which to use to slow down.
I sort of blanked, and I went out through the back of the barn Through the wall? Yup.
Anyway, it was all right in the end.
They docked my pay where I was working.
It was easy to replace the wall.
What were you, a tractor driver? Part time, yes.
And now, you write about cars? Yes, well, Jeremy, I sit at your feet in terms of writing about cars.
Like Aeschylus feasting from scraps from the rich banquet of Homer.
That's the sort of thing that goes down big on Top Gear, isn't it? That's a good thing? It is good.
I do enjoy your motoring column in GQ magazine.
It's very good.
I don't know anything about cars.
I shouldn't say that, actually.
I know more than I used to.
This is a little observation that Boris made about the Maserati.
"Look how much has been crammed in.
The great, big, fat, long things.
"The vast doodah with the squiggly bits coming out of the, er " Jeremy, I Do you really know your stuff about cars? Absolutely no idea.
I've no idea how an engine works.
People have sat me down and said Do you know? No.
Not the faintest.
The pistons go up and down and you go along.
How does it happen? He'll know.
He's got a beard.
It is a miracle.
But I'm a very keen cyclist.
Unlike you, I think.
I loathe bikes.
And you talk on a mobile while you're doing it.
No.
Well, I do.
Yes.
I wanted to make a point about my willingness to reform, as it's true that I did once talk on a mobile phone whilst cycling.
And why shouldn't you be able to? Because you can't reach the brakes.
You can with one hand.
I Are you saying people with one arm shouldn't be allowed bikes? LAUGHTER Are you? Because I put it to you that that's discriminatory.
People with one arm shouldn't ride bikes What do you mean? No-one should be allowed to ride a bike.
They take up too much space.
And they don't pay to be there.
I think bicycles are wonderful.
You wouldn't park in a cycle lane, would you? I do drive in them.
You drive in them? And bus lanes.
They're a great idea.
For you? Yeah, because you think, "Everyone's not in it, I'm late" and zoom up it.
Are you allowed to say that on telly? I just did.
I defy the makers of Top Gear to keep that in the final edit.
I think that's a challenge.
Who drives in bus lanes? One.
Two.
Exactly.
There's only three of us.
They're empty for our use.
Do you like the road? Are you the kind of guy whose car's towed away? It has been towed away now and then, yeah.
I wouldn't hide it from you.
I have to say the last time it happened it was in defiance of every bylaw.
My car was legally parked.
And I had the testimony of TWO traffic wardens that it was legally parked in a residents' parking bay.
Mmm-hmm.
But the point I want to make is that once your car is one inch off the ground, once it's in that dreadful hammock, it is no longer yours.
You have no rights over it.
Nothing you can say to the tower I have a theory on that.
I think if you leapt onto the bonnet as it was dangling around Got one wheel down on the Tarmac? There's no way in hell that They'll have to put it down again.
I'm sure of that.
You're here to find out how good a driver you are.
I have an idea.
Really? I think I'm extremely bad.
"Extremely bad"! Who'd like to see Boris's lap? Yes! Here we go.
Well, that was a start.
It's made clear to me why we're coached.
I'm the worst driver there's ever been! Aim for the apex.
Aim for the apex! SOMETHING BEEPS Who hooted at me? Someone hooted.
This is quite There we are! Across the line! Don't feel bad about going off-road.
Was it uncomfortable? It was fine.
Very good car.
It is.
Very reasonably priced.
You can buy it for 25p.
Really? That one! Where do you think you're going to come? Up with Jay Kay, Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay? Or Jonathan Ross, Harry Enfield? I think towards the If not the very last.
You couldn't be slower than Harry Enfield.
I've no idea.
He's terrified someone will be slower.
He's only On that track, that's four years.
Anyway, I have your time here.
You did it in one minute He's faster than Jonathan Ross! Could be worse.
Could be worse.
Boris Johnson! APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH The new Jaguar XJ.
It looks exactly the same as the old Jaguar XJ.
That can't have been difficult to design - "What shall we do? I like the old one, let's do that.
" But in fact it's bigger, so you get stuff you didn't get on the old XJ.
Things like room in the back for full-size people.
Comfortable? I never noticed that as a big problem for some reason.
You also get, for the first time, a proper-sized boot that you can get stuff in.
Comfy? Very.
Despite being so much bigger, it's a fifth of a ton lighter than the previous XJ.
That's because the new one is made of aluminium.
A lighter car is nimbler, faster, more economical and kinder to the environment.
The old XJ, the one I couldn't fit in the boot of, that was made of lead and rock and churches.
It was like a big velvet glove - pick you up after a hard day and gently deposit you at home.
This one, what worries me is that some of the Jaguariness will have been lost.
To find out, I designed a cunning test.
Because Jaguars are supposed to ease the burden of travel, I thought I'd see how far I could go before I got bored and tired.
There are so many things that usually annoy me on a motorway - Iike people in Mondeos, registration number M134 LWR, who sit in the middle lane for no reason.
But there is fun stuff, too.
This is Staffordshire now, voted recently in a Country Life survey, as the worst county in England.
But they won't have looked at the important things - the quality of slip roads going into service stations.
On that front, Stafford Services is in a class of its own.
Here we go.
You could brake hard, good brakes.
Hug the apex all the way, let it run wide.
The air suspension working overtime, keeps us flat and level.
Into the hairpin.
And Here we are, coming up to the pits.
What a lap! I can't believe how light the door is.
You know the Little Tikes cars kids have? Red ones with yellow rooves? That's what this feels like.
Watch this.
It should pay dividends where it matters - here.
One of the worst things about the old Jag was filling it up - it went, "Zz-ggh zz-ggh.
" This, though, is going in smoothly.
That's a big improvement.
Out of the services, it was time for another jam.
Guess what was at the other end.
Cheshire.
I'm not sure the Jag will play well here.
Its bonnet is not onyx enough.
If you're interested in aesthetics, you need either a Sport or the XJR, like I've got here.
If you buy the SE, you get the worst radiator grille in the world.
And the wheels are too narrow on SEs.
So they look pinched, like Joyce Grenfell.
Except not just pinched, they've also got that silly grille, so Like that.
I'll tell you what is nice - they must have been tempted to go with the Kevlar interior, but they stuck with wood and leather.
You still feel hemmed in - big, tall, centre console and It's just nice.
It's like you're in an eiderdown.
Now, time for the traditional motorway traveller's smorgasbord.
Double Decker.
That's the trouble with eating Double Deckers - bits of it fall off into your lap.
Try a Twirl.
Boost Guarana.
Oh, got a New Chunky Kit Kat! Twix, an old favourite.
Mmm.
That's very good.
That was a delicious lunch.
Looking forward to my tea.
William Hague once said to me I was the type of person who thought the Lake District got in the way of the M6.
It does.
We have to go round these corners for these silly lumps.
It is pretty, though.
I hate car journeys.
They're so mind-crashingly boring.
But after six hours and 330 miles in a Jag, I was still relaxed.
No matter what the irritation.
MUSIC: "Smack My Bitch Up" by Prodigy This is Radio One.
Normally, that's like having a screwdriver shoved inside you.
But today, it's fine.
This chap wants to "bitchslap his 'ho".
Why not? Good luck to you, fella.
Let's try Radio Four.
'Society hasn't always valued originality.
'Should we? ' It's Melvin Bragg's philosophy show.
'To what extent is originality about perception? 'Is originality a concept without meaning today? ' I'm not with you.
I don't understand the question.
So, this is Glasgow and I'm still feeling fresh.
I shall plough on.
Glad I did, because in Scotland the Jag got even better.
On the motorway, it felt like a comfortable cruiser, like a 7 Series BMW, now the motorway's finished and it's twisty and curvy, it seems to have shrunk.
I would swear I was driving a car the size of a 3 Series BMW.
This is what we want - it soothes away the monotony of the motorway and then sticks its hand down your trousers when the road gets curly.
Which it has done! The old XJR drank fuel like a space shuttle.
This one got from Stafford to the Highlands on one tank.
Just.
I'm now playing what I call Fuel Light Bingo The rules are simple - Iet the fuel light come on, then let the needle go through the red till it's at the bottom of the gauge.
When you see a sign saying, "Services 1 mile and 27 miles", go for the furthest one away and when you get there, go past that.
If you make it home, the next day your wife fills up the car for you.
I think it's a great game.
My wife doesn't like it very much.
If you lose, you run out of petrol.
When I finally coughed into a shop that sold petrol from one of Robert Louis Stevenson's pumps, it turned out the Jag had done 22.
7 mpg.
Not bad for a supercharged 4.
2 litre V8.
Oh, dear.
I seem to have run out of country.
This time of night, should be quite a nice trip back.
So what's the verdict, Jeremy? Well, I still like the Fuse best of all.
The Boost was like a Double Decker, you arrive with melted brown.
Jeremy, the car.
Oh, the verdict on the car? It's very good and at £58,000 for the XJR, it's good value for money.
That's a lot cheaper than the BMW, Merc or Audi.
What's your favourite in the range? Er The 4.
2 SE, it's the most Jaguar-y.
Yours? At the entry level, the three-litre V6 is about 39? That's a perfectly acceptable car.
In the XJR, I wafted up to John O'Groats.
No backache, wasn't tired.
The only thing I didn't like was the air suspension.
The old XJ used to glide around at low speeds.
The air suspension can't absorb bumps at slow speeds.
We hope air suspension goes away very soon.
And takes those flappy gearboxes.
Yes.
Right, the Cool Wall, where's it going to go? Black XJR.
Where's it going? I think we've kind of proven.
Cool? I think it's bordering on super On sub zero.
Black XJR It's there.
Mmm There.
It's also getting higher! I won't even go there.
I can't be bothered.
The rest of the range has a problem.
It looks just like that! Isn't that uncanny? Incredible! AUDIENCE LAUGH Isn't that a dreadful grille? Just say, "Yes, Jeremy.
" AUDIENCE: Yes, Jeremy.
I've found a dealer who, for £250, will put the XJR grille on any XJ.
Really? That admits it's wrong, but if it's got that standard grille, the Jeremy's face grille, that's uncool.
Sorry! It spoils it.
Now, would you buy the Jag over anything else? I'm a Jag man, yes.
So would I.
I wouldn't buy the 7 Series BM, as it's too ugly.
The Audi A8 isn't quite there yet.
S-Class Mercedes Merchant banker.
Merchant banker, yeah! It's a merchant banker's car, so yeah, I'd have the Jag.
But there is one slight problem.
In a few weeks we'll be testing this, the new Volkswagen Phaeton.
I suspect that this will put a big German fly in Jaguar's ointment.
Now, Hammond, do you have £58,500 to spend on a new XJR? I don't.
I don't.
But with insider dealing, we've got more sense than money.
This is the 1994 XJR, with six cylinders, but still a nice car.
More raw than the others as well.
It's like this, but with different wheels.
I found one in black at less than £8,000.
That's a tempting buy.
But? I have got a slight reservation.
Buy one by all means, you'll be very happy.
I've nearly done it a couple of times.
But it will lose money, and never stop.
If it's £8,000 now, that'll be halved next year.
I'm not saying don't buy one.
But buy one knowing that you'll keep it, because it'll lose value.
Here's the ultimate underground car.
It's called the Jaguar XKRR.
It's lowered, it has racing seats, there's a place to put your helmet, it's got enormous wheels and exhausts by Matrix Churchill, it's a concept.
But, unlike the R Coupe we saw at the start, this one actually works.
Unlike any previous XK, this one has a manual gearbox.
You can do 58 miles an hour in first! They've also changed the rear suspension, an XK Achilles heel.
In fact, they've changed the whole rear and added a limited-slip diff.
Which meansyou can do this.
'If you try this in a normal XK '.
.
you'd spin.
But this just grips and goes.
It's a cat 'gone feral!' I love this car.
But sadly, they can't put it into production, because Jaguar has a sister company, Aston Martin.
This would jump up and down all over Aston's new car, the DB7 GT.
This shape has been with us for ten years, but neither time nor Aston's misguided attempts to improve it have managed to ruin it.
For the GT, they've gone mad.
There's a new boot lid, there are lumps on the bonnet, and there's a new radiator grille.
All these things are terrible, but when Sean Connery grew a beard, my wife still fancied him.
FAINT BEEPING Inside, you still get a handmade feel.
When I shut the centre console lid, the ashtray opens.
This window won't shut properly, so once you go over 50mph, you get a bit of wind noise.
But that's not the most annoying sound that the Aston makes.
You stop this "bong" by closing the door, but when you start the ignition, you get a new "bong".
It must be to remind Americans they're in a car.
Actually, you couldn't sell this to an American.
He wouldn't fit.
There's nowhere for my left leg, or for my head.
Remember that beneath everything, this is basically a Jaguar XJS.
It's a 30-year-old design.
How much are they charging for all this? £104,000! 'It's time to tuck the DB7 up in bed with a nice mug of cocoa, 'and let Jaguar make that brilliant XKRR instead.
'Except for one tiny detail.
' This GT version is not just a cynical marketing exercise.
It's not just a beard to cover the wrinkles.
What it is, is amazing.
It may be cramped, old and expensive, but it is epic fun.
The old DB7 was never much cop to drive, but they've been through it with a fine-tooth comb and changed it.
They've stiffened up the bushes at the front and I cannot tell you, I cannot stress enough how much it's improved.
ENGINE REVS It's not just better than the old DB7.
I know of no other car which offers such an intoxicating blend of grip, handling, and surprisingly, ride comfort.
There's something else as well.
Power! Round round, baby, round round, spend the night on me I don't need no man Got my kicks for free God, it's fast! 'Sounds good too.
Listen to this.
' ENGINE GROWLS HEARTILY HE CHUCKLES 'The six-litre V12 is more powerful 'than a normal DB7 and then, there's its party piece.
' Let me show you something.
I'm gonna stop, put it into fourth gear, and off we go.
It sets off fine in fourth.
Foot down, and we're going at 40 miles an hour.
Still in fourth.
I've not changed.
that's 0-135 in one gear! HE CHUCKLES 'For the last few years the DB7's been an ageing rocker, 'trying to cut it in a Coldplay MP3 world 'of Porsche 911s and Foo Fighter Ferraris.
'But now, thanks to a cocktail of botox and Viagra, 'it's up there with the best of them.
' What a car! I know.
But I don't like these bumps and louvres they've put on it.
So I had a wheeze, like Boris Johnson.
What you should do is buy a used DB7 V12, take it to Aston Martin, and they can put the GT suspension stuff on it, and do the engine as well if you want.
Brilliant! How much does that cost? Well, a used DB7 is about £60,000, and then £10k for the suspension, and another £10k for the engine.
Is that your used-car tip?! You've taken an expensive car and turned it intoan expensive car! It's 80 grand! It's all part of the service, as is our lap, so it's time to pump up the Stig, and see how fast it goes round.
Away he goes.
Lots of wheel-spin there.
The six-litre V12 is working hard.
Stig is in a mellow mood today.
Now, down to Chicago Tidy.
Last week, the Alpina Z8 was rubbish on the road but blistering on our track.
The Aston is vice versa.
That soft suspension is good on the road.
That's mad driving from the Stig! I'm not sure it'll be fast here.
That is very fast through the follow-through.
Down to the penultimate bend, sliding all over the place! Ooh, Stig, come on, have to gamble! Lurching in several directions, and across the line in one minute and 30.
4 seconds.
That's very quick, and Aston Martin reckoned it would've gone quicker, but it had a full tank of fuel.
But that's faster than an Audi S4.
And behind the Alpina.
But as road cars go, that's one of the best I've driven in years.
Now, who'd like to see the XKRR do a lap? AUDIENCE: Yeah! So would we.
But since I drove it, it's gone back, and Jaguar are fiddling with the rear suspension.
So when we asked if we could have it for the Stig, they said "Yes, "but it's currently like a greasy weasel.
" They said the Stig wouldn't want to drive it in that state.
And they're right, he probably wouldn't, if we'd have told him! Here he comes now, round the first corner.
Getting himself warmed oh, look at him already! Ha ha ha! Come on, Stig, try to stay with it! JEREMY AND AUDIENCE LAUGH And that's a full 360 from the Stig! Across the line backwards! APPLAUSE Good old Stig.
On that multidirectional bombshell, I'm afraid we've got to go.
But we'll see you next week.
Good night.
Bye!