Wabbit - A Looney Tunes Production (2016) s01e24 Episode Script
The Survivalist of the Fittest ; The IMPoster
1 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) Going down the rabbit hole Where we're going no one knows Obstacles 'round every bend Let's see where the tunnel ends SAM: All right, let me see here.
It says 10 paces straight ahead and X marks the spot.
Huh? That's a might funny lookin' X, if you ask me.
Looks more like an O.
Doggone map! Oh well, I am gonna be rich, rich! I'm in the money.
I'm a-gonna be rich! Oh, I'm gonna be so rich! What's this a-blockin' my way? (SPRINGING) Hey, what's the big idea? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something? You stole my treasure! It's mine, I tell ya! Treasure? You got it all wrong, Doc.
I don't know anything about no treasure.
The treasure's right down yonder.
It says so here on this map.
Let me see that map.
Ah, here's your problem.
This thing's written in Esperanto.
Esperanto? Hmm.
I once dated a girl from Esperanto.
Never could understand a word she said.
And besides, we're holding it upside down.
- I was? - Yeah.
Now, what you want to do is go 10 paces that-a-way.
All right.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10.
BUGS: Now turn right and walk two paces.
One, two.
Now, three paces to the left, four steps straight ahead, bear to the right, bear to the right, Sam! SAM: I am bearin' to the right, ya big-eared galoot! No, Sam! There's a bear to your right! - (ROARING) - Ahhh! - (CRASHING) - SAM: Oh, no, no, ouch! (PANTING) Ahhh! - (CRASHING) - (BEAR ROARING) BUGS: According to the map, we should be coming up to an ancient temple entrance.
We must go through the temple, avoiding its booby traps to get to the treasure on the other side.
Hey, this must be it! Booby traps, huh? (THUDDING) (REPEATEDLY THUDDING) You first, rabbit.
You first! All right, Doc.
I'll go first.
Would you like me to hold on to the treasure for you until you get to the other side? Oh, not so fast, varmint! You think I'm gonna trust you with my treasure? Out of my way, you greedy idjit! I'm a-goin' first! (CRASHING) Whoa, ohh, that first step is a doozy.
You sure you don't want me to go first? I can put your treasure in a savings account and keep it safe for you.
Oh, no, you don't! That's what my mattress is for.
- (CRASHING) - SAM: Oh, ow! Whoa! That looks awful painful, Sam.
- What do you say we give up? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm onto your tricks.
- (CRASHING) - SAM: Oh, ow! And it's one, two, three strikes you're out Come on, Sam, we're in this thing together, right? No, no you don't! No partners! - (CRASHING) - SAM: Oh, oh, oh, oh, ow, ow! Uh, excuse me, sir.
Have you noticed lately how (THUD) Sam, you've discovered the sacred hills of the Jehoshaphat as described on the map! So, let's just line up that pretty little melon of yours, and voila! (ANGELIC MUSIC) BUGS: Here we are at the base of the mountain.
It's gonna be a long climb up.
- You want to lead the way? - No way, rabbit! You're a-goin' first so's I can keep my eye on you.
Sure, Doc, sounds like fun.
Climbing up the mountain La-dee-da-dee-da Hey, this mountain climbing ain't so hard.
All you got to do is get your bearings.
SAM: Get your bearings? BUGS: Right! BUGS: Bear down, bear up.
Bear up, Sam! Bear up! I am bearing up, you prairie rat! No Sam, there's a bear, up! - Ah! - (ROARING) - (RIPPING) - SAM: Oh, ow! (BEAR ROARING) (STRAINING) - Ah! Oh, ow! - (BEAR GROWLING) Hey, Sam, you want me to throw you a rope so I can pull you up? All right.
Tie one side to a heavy rock and throw me the other side.
I don't trust you a-holdin' it.
SAM: And hurry up, I'm a-gettin' tired! The guy thinks I'm as dumb as I look.
Okay, here it comes! Ahhh! (THUDDING) Oops, did I throw the wrong side of the rope? (STRAINING) (PANTING) I finally made it! Okay, rabbit, what's next? I am so sorry.
But we didn't need to climb this mountain.
I am so embarrassed.
Just take me to the treasure.
All right, Sam, this is it.
The final step.
All we have to do is get to the other side and dig up the buried treasure.
I guess we'll be here all night.
Oh, we won't be diggin'.
I got somethin' more explosive in mind.
(SAM LAUGHING) (DRAINING) (HOPPING) Oh my darlin' Oh my darlin' Oh my darlin' TNT Gonna - What're you doing over there? - I think I found the spot! BUGS: It's right here! Can't turn my back on that rabbit for a minute.
Don't do anything till I get there! Careful, Sam! Are you sure that boat can bear all that weight? Of course it can bear it! - (BEAR ROARING) - SAM: Ahhh! (ENGINE REVVING) SAM: Ahhh! (CRASHING) Well, I shouldn't be hearing from him for a while.
I don't get all the fuss over this treasure.
It sure ain't comfortable to sit on.
(COINS JINGLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (PHONE RINGING) Chesterfield Consultants, if you want to pay us, we'll probably do it.
This is Theodore Tasmanian speaking.
- BOSS: Well of course it's Theodore Tasmanian - Oh, it's you sir.
- (INDISTINCT ANGRY MUTTERING) - Of course, boss.
Right away! - (CELL PHONE RINGS) - Oh, hi, honey! - (INDISTINCT MUTTERING) - No, no, I know, honey.
No, I didn't call you honey, boss.
No, no, I didn't call you boss, honey.
I did call you boss, you're the boss of me.
- (INDISTINCT MUTTERING) - I forgot, no I'll be Grr! - BUGS: How pathetic.
- Huh? Where's the old Taz I know and love? Seriously, have you looked at yourself lately? Come on, Bugs, you know how it is.
My wife, my kid, my insane boss at this crazy job! (SIGHS) What are you doing here, Bugs? Uh, prank week.
No can do this year.
I've got a report due on Wednesday.
And now I have another rush project to do on top of that.
Sharon's folks are taking us out to dinner on Wednesday, and my son's play! Argh! (INHALES) He's the lead boulder in the school's production of Oklahoma.
Oh, you don't think I am letting you off that easily, do ya? I'm afraid I'm just not that guy anymore.
Sounds like you got a lot of responsibility.
But not this week! Security.
BUGS: Hey! Mr.
Taz has a new rule.
Only employees allowed in the building, okay? New rule, huh? Employees only.
(TYPING) BOSS: (ON INTERCOM) Taz, I needed those files yesterday! - Call processing and tell them we need to get a move on! - Argh! Mail for Mr.
Taz, you know, 'cause I work here and everything.
Division "B"? (BUZZING) - (WHISTLING) - TAZ: Ahhh! - (GIGGLING) Man, Taz always forgets who he's dealing with.
- (PHONE RINGING) Huh? (STRAINING) What the - BUGS: Hey! - (CRASHING) Touche, Taz, touche.
- (PHONE RINGING) - Ahhh! (GROANING) - (INDISTINCT MUTTERING) - Yes, sir, 19th floor.
Right away, sir, going now, sir.
(ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYING) (THUDDING) - (SPLASHING) - Bugs! TAZ: Oh, come on, Bugs.
No, wait a minute.
Look, I'll get you.
You're the one who called? Huh? (GURGLING) (TAZ GURGLING) Wash.
Rinse.
(SPLASHING) (GURGLING) And - Spin.
- (TAZ YELLING) (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, Bugs, you want to play rough? Elevator soap bubbles, think you're so funny? Elevator soap bubbles, classic me.
Happy burst-day.
- It's not my birthday.
- No, no.
Happy burst-day.
Now blow out the candle and make a wish.
(DRUM ROLL) Don't worry, everybody, I'll save you! ALL: Oh! I put $5 in for that! What're you thinking involving innocent people in prank week? Prank week? You heard me, Bugs.
Can't I just get you a burst-day cake? Why are you backing away? It's still going to happen.
(THUD) Theodore! (TAZ SCREAMING) Get me those files, type this letter! BUGS: Organize my folders, paint my office! Get out in the field, mow the lawn! Fill in the mortar, set the foundation! Construct the steel frames, fire in those rivets! Hang the dry wall, install the plumbing! Wire the electric, lay the carpeting, don't forget the windows! Plaster the exterior! - (PANTING) - BUGS: Ha-ha, nice work Taz.
You just came in second, to me, this year's prank week champ! - (BUGS LAUGHING) - (YELLING) (ANGRILY YELLING) - There's the old - (GRUNTS) - Tazzy boy Ah! - (GRUNTS) That I remember.
How does it feel? It feels, feels pretty great! BOSS: Call processing and tell them we need to get a move on! - (SPITTING) - BOSS: You're fired! No, no, no, no! - (CRYING) - Wait, wait, wait, it's all my fault.
You see, it's prank week and I was Ha-ha, prank week! You guys got pranked! (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) You know about prank week? Know about it? I'm winning it! Do you think you two chuckle heads can beat me at prank week? Ha-ha, I am the boss, you were like, "Oh, no, no, it's my fault, it's my fault.
" And you were crying like a baby! - I wasn't crying.
- You were crying a little.
I'm prank week winner! You know, Taz, technically there's a couple of more hours left in prank week.
What do you say, buddy? - (EVIL LAUGHING) - BOSS: Oh, no, no.
BOSS: Let's not be so ridiculous, I'm the boss! (TAZ CHEERING) (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) Going down the rabbit hole Where we're going no one knows Obstacles 'round every bend Let's see where the tunnel ends
It says 10 paces straight ahead and X marks the spot.
Huh? That's a might funny lookin' X, if you ask me.
Looks more like an O.
Doggone map! Oh well, I am gonna be rich, rich! I'm in the money.
I'm a-gonna be rich! Oh, I'm gonna be so rich! What's this a-blockin' my way? (SPRINGING) Hey, what's the big idea? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something? You stole my treasure! It's mine, I tell ya! Treasure? You got it all wrong, Doc.
I don't know anything about no treasure.
The treasure's right down yonder.
It says so here on this map.
Let me see that map.
Ah, here's your problem.
This thing's written in Esperanto.
Esperanto? Hmm.
I once dated a girl from Esperanto.
Never could understand a word she said.
And besides, we're holding it upside down.
- I was? - Yeah.
Now, what you want to do is go 10 paces that-a-way.
All right.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10.
BUGS: Now turn right and walk two paces.
One, two.
Now, three paces to the left, four steps straight ahead, bear to the right, bear to the right, Sam! SAM: I am bearin' to the right, ya big-eared galoot! No, Sam! There's a bear to your right! - (ROARING) - Ahhh! - (CRASHING) - SAM: Oh, no, no, ouch! (PANTING) Ahhh! - (CRASHING) - (BEAR ROARING) BUGS: According to the map, we should be coming up to an ancient temple entrance.
We must go through the temple, avoiding its booby traps to get to the treasure on the other side.
Hey, this must be it! Booby traps, huh? (THUDDING) (REPEATEDLY THUDDING) You first, rabbit.
You first! All right, Doc.
I'll go first.
Would you like me to hold on to the treasure for you until you get to the other side? Oh, not so fast, varmint! You think I'm gonna trust you with my treasure? Out of my way, you greedy idjit! I'm a-goin' first! (CRASHING) Whoa, ohh, that first step is a doozy.
You sure you don't want me to go first? I can put your treasure in a savings account and keep it safe for you.
Oh, no, you don't! That's what my mattress is for.
- (CRASHING) - SAM: Oh, ow! Whoa! That looks awful painful, Sam.
- What do you say we give up? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm onto your tricks.
- (CRASHING) - SAM: Oh, ow! And it's one, two, three strikes you're out Come on, Sam, we're in this thing together, right? No, no you don't! No partners! - (CRASHING) - SAM: Oh, oh, oh, oh, ow, ow! Uh, excuse me, sir.
Have you noticed lately how (THUD) Sam, you've discovered the sacred hills of the Jehoshaphat as described on the map! So, let's just line up that pretty little melon of yours, and voila! (ANGELIC MUSIC) BUGS: Here we are at the base of the mountain.
It's gonna be a long climb up.
- You want to lead the way? - No way, rabbit! You're a-goin' first so's I can keep my eye on you.
Sure, Doc, sounds like fun.
Climbing up the mountain La-dee-da-dee-da Hey, this mountain climbing ain't so hard.
All you got to do is get your bearings.
SAM: Get your bearings? BUGS: Right! BUGS: Bear down, bear up.
Bear up, Sam! Bear up! I am bearing up, you prairie rat! No Sam, there's a bear, up! - Ah! - (ROARING) - (RIPPING) - SAM: Oh, ow! (BEAR ROARING) (STRAINING) - Ah! Oh, ow! - (BEAR GROWLING) Hey, Sam, you want me to throw you a rope so I can pull you up? All right.
Tie one side to a heavy rock and throw me the other side.
I don't trust you a-holdin' it.
SAM: And hurry up, I'm a-gettin' tired! The guy thinks I'm as dumb as I look.
Okay, here it comes! Ahhh! (THUDDING) Oops, did I throw the wrong side of the rope? (STRAINING) (PANTING) I finally made it! Okay, rabbit, what's next? I am so sorry.
But we didn't need to climb this mountain.
I am so embarrassed.
Just take me to the treasure.
All right, Sam, this is it.
The final step.
All we have to do is get to the other side and dig up the buried treasure.
I guess we'll be here all night.
Oh, we won't be diggin'.
I got somethin' more explosive in mind.
(SAM LAUGHING) (DRAINING) (HOPPING) Oh my darlin' Oh my darlin' Oh my darlin' TNT Gonna - What're you doing over there? - I think I found the spot! BUGS: It's right here! Can't turn my back on that rabbit for a minute.
Don't do anything till I get there! Careful, Sam! Are you sure that boat can bear all that weight? Of course it can bear it! - (BEAR ROARING) - SAM: Ahhh! (ENGINE REVVING) SAM: Ahhh! (CRASHING) Well, I shouldn't be hearing from him for a while.
I don't get all the fuss over this treasure.
It sure ain't comfortable to sit on.
(COINS JINGLING) (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING) (PHONE RINGING) Chesterfield Consultants, if you want to pay us, we'll probably do it.
This is Theodore Tasmanian speaking.
- BOSS: Well of course it's Theodore Tasmanian - Oh, it's you sir.
- (INDISTINCT ANGRY MUTTERING) - Of course, boss.
Right away! - (CELL PHONE RINGS) - Oh, hi, honey! - (INDISTINCT MUTTERING) - No, no, I know, honey.
No, I didn't call you honey, boss.
No, no, I didn't call you boss, honey.
I did call you boss, you're the boss of me.
- (INDISTINCT MUTTERING) - I forgot, no I'll be Grr! - BUGS: How pathetic.
- Huh? Where's the old Taz I know and love? Seriously, have you looked at yourself lately? Come on, Bugs, you know how it is.
My wife, my kid, my insane boss at this crazy job! (SIGHS) What are you doing here, Bugs? Uh, prank week.
No can do this year.
I've got a report due on Wednesday.
And now I have another rush project to do on top of that.
Sharon's folks are taking us out to dinner on Wednesday, and my son's play! Argh! (INHALES) He's the lead boulder in the school's production of Oklahoma.
Oh, you don't think I am letting you off that easily, do ya? I'm afraid I'm just not that guy anymore.
Sounds like you got a lot of responsibility.
But not this week! Security.
BUGS: Hey! Mr.
Taz has a new rule.
Only employees allowed in the building, okay? New rule, huh? Employees only.
(TYPING) BOSS: (ON INTERCOM) Taz, I needed those files yesterday! - Call processing and tell them we need to get a move on! - Argh! Mail for Mr.
Taz, you know, 'cause I work here and everything.
Division "B"? (BUZZING) - (WHISTLING) - TAZ: Ahhh! - (GIGGLING) Man, Taz always forgets who he's dealing with.
- (PHONE RINGING) Huh? (STRAINING) What the - BUGS: Hey! - (CRASHING) Touche, Taz, touche.
- (PHONE RINGING) - Ahhh! (GROANING) - (INDISTINCT MUTTERING) - Yes, sir, 19th floor.
Right away, sir, going now, sir.
(ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYING) (THUDDING) - (SPLASHING) - Bugs! TAZ: Oh, come on, Bugs.
No, wait a minute.
Look, I'll get you.
You're the one who called? Huh? (GURGLING) (TAZ GURGLING) Wash.
Rinse.
(SPLASHING) (GURGLING) And - Spin.
- (TAZ YELLING) (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, Bugs, you want to play rough? Elevator soap bubbles, think you're so funny? Elevator soap bubbles, classic me.
Happy burst-day.
- It's not my birthday.
- No, no.
Happy burst-day.
Now blow out the candle and make a wish.
(DRUM ROLL) Don't worry, everybody, I'll save you! ALL: Oh! I put $5 in for that! What're you thinking involving innocent people in prank week? Prank week? You heard me, Bugs.
Can't I just get you a burst-day cake? Why are you backing away? It's still going to happen.
(THUD) Theodore! (TAZ SCREAMING) Get me those files, type this letter! BUGS: Organize my folders, paint my office! Get out in the field, mow the lawn! Fill in the mortar, set the foundation! Construct the steel frames, fire in those rivets! Hang the dry wall, install the plumbing! Wire the electric, lay the carpeting, don't forget the windows! Plaster the exterior! - (PANTING) - BUGS: Ha-ha, nice work Taz.
You just came in second, to me, this year's prank week champ! - (BUGS LAUGHING) - (YELLING) (ANGRILY YELLING) - There's the old - (GRUNTS) - Tazzy boy Ah! - (GRUNTS) That I remember.
How does it feel? It feels, feels pretty great! BOSS: Call processing and tell them we need to get a move on! - (SPITTING) - BOSS: You're fired! No, no, no, no! - (CRYING) - Wait, wait, wait, it's all my fault.
You see, it's prank week and I was Ha-ha, prank week! You guys got pranked! (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) You know about prank week? Know about it? I'm winning it! Do you think you two chuckle heads can beat me at prank week? Ha-ha, I am the boss, you were like, "Oh, no, no, it's my fault, it's my fault.
" And you were crying like a baby! - I wasn't crying.
- You were crying a little.
I'm prank week winner! You know, Taz, technically there's a couple of more hours left in prank week.
What do you say, buddy? - (EVIL LAUGHING) - BOSS: Oh, no, no.
BOSS: Let's not be so ridiculous, I'm the boss! (TAZ CHEERING) (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) Going down the rabbit hole Where we're going no one knows Obstacles 'round every bend Let's see where the tunnel ends