Young Sheldon (2017) s06e02 Episode Script

Previously on Young Sheldon
Mary Cooper
I want to sex you up.
I have good news.
Good. I could use it.
I got a job at the bowling alley.
Working with Brenda?
Every day.
I am so sorry about today.
I just hate to see you walk away
- from the Lord.
- Feels like
He's walking away from me.
What is that?
Hamburger Helper.
It's official. We're poor.
We're not poor.
There's hamburger in there.
There's hamburger in there, right?
I like Hamburger Helper.
It really does help your
hamburger make a great meal.
Well, it's a good thing you like it,
'cause you're definitely poor.
- Like us.
- We're fine.
- Actually
- Just eat.
- Do we still say grace?
- Why not?
Mom's been taking a break
from the church. Mom?
Well, I hadn't really thought about it.
We can if you want to.
Let's not.
As meaningless as it is,
I do find the ritual comforting.
Well, somebody make a decision.
That slop's getting cold.
No, it's good cold or
hot, like Grape-Nuts.
Ooh, can I say it?
Sure.
Bless us Lord for the food
we are about to receive
and bless the hands that prepared it.
And let me have a good
hair day for school pictures
later this week.
- Let's see, what else do I want
- Wrap it up.
And please let my dad
find a full-time job
before we lose cable. Amen.
Amen.
So
how's it going with this whole
no church thing?
It's a little weird,
but I'm figuring it out.
Think you might go back?
I don't know yet.
Maybe find a different church?
I don't know, George.
I'm gonna get a beer.
You, uh,
care to join me
like the good ol' days?
Just 'cause I'm not going to church
doesn't mean I'm suddenly a drinker.
Okay. Well, then I guess
me and my friends will say goodnight.
We need to talk.
About what?
You do their taxes. How bad off are we?
Based on their part-time income,
we're going to run out of
money by the end of the year.
- Before or after Christmas?
- Before.
Not what I wanted to hear.
Anything we can do to help?
Perhaps we could sell our stuff.
But I like my stuff.
I like my stuff, too.
Let's keep thinking.
Hello?
Connie. Grant Linkletter.
Hello, Grant.
What can I do for you?
Well, I looked at my calendar
and realized it's been six weeks
since I last asked you out, so
I thought I'd give it another shot.
You ask me out every six weeks?
Used to be nine, but we're
not getting any younger.
I'll tell you what
fine.
- Really?
- Why not?
Excellent.
But I want to be clear,
this is just one of
those Whatcha call it
Uh, platonic things.
We're just having dinner.
I'll take it.
Now, would you prefer a restaurant
or some good home cooking?
I make seven kinds of soup.
I think I'll just
stick with a restaurant.
Fair enough, but one day,
you'll try my mushroom barley,
and your taste buds will swoon.
Good night, Grant.
The secret is how long I cook the onions.
Chicken coop, now.
Hi.
What are we doing?
What are you doing?
What, you hired Mary
to work at the bowling alley.
She needed a job.
I was being nice.
Well, you don't think
it's a little weird?
This right here
It's all weird.
Are you drunk?
Not nearly enough.
You and Mary working together
is a bad idea considering
you know, you and me.
We haven't done anything, George.
But there was considering.
You know there was.
What do you want me to do?
You want me to fire her?
No, no. That'd be weird.
Which is exactly where
we started. Good night.
You understand what I'm saying.
Okay, so what are you good at?
I'm popular.
That is not a skill.
- You can't do it.
- Fine.
Oh, you could go on Jeopardy!
Never. I don't like answers
in the form of questions.
I like my answers in the form
of answers, and my questions
in the form of questions, thank you.
Ooh, perhaps I could sell story ideas
to TV shows like Star Trek.
Do you really think
they'd listen to a kid?
My voice has gotten deeper.
The other day, I answered the phone,
and they didn't mistake me for Mom.
Star Trek's not gonna
buy your stupid ideas.
We'll see about that.
I have one where the Enterprise
falls into a time tunnel,
and Worf becomes a Worf
from 12 minutes in the future.
We could let people
punch you for a buck.
No, all our profit would
just go to medical expenses.
Hey, Brenda, I was trying to
do the books for the
quarter, and I was having
a little trouble making sense of it.
You know, Mary, if
if it's too big of a mess, and
you'd rather work somewhere
else, I'd understand.
No, I'll figure it out.
Great.
So happy you're here.
Hey, there.
Oh.
Hi, Mary.
Finally found an
eight-pounder that's not pink.
I didn't know you bowled.
I didn't know you did either.
Actually, I, um,
I work here now.
Oh, sure, okay.
I
I'm so sorry
about how things
went down at church.
If it helps at all, the place
has gone to heck since you left.
Good.
I sure do miss working with you.
Well, we can still be friends,
even if we don't work together.
I'd like that.
You find a kiddie ball yet?
It's not about the weight, just
I have small fingers.
Oh, uh, Mary, this is Shannon.
Shannon, this is
- Mary Cooper.
- Hi.
You used to be Mary Tucker.
Oh, not in a long time.
You remember me?
Sorry, no.
Shannon Dixon. You used to babysit me.
Is that so?
She was so great.
She would let me stay
up late and watch TV
while she would make
out with her boyfriend.
I don't remember any of that.
Oh, I'm not surprised. You used
to hit my dad's liquor cabinet
- pretty hard.
- Well, Mary Cooper.
I was young and
hadn't found the Lord.
You two have a great time.
Here's that invoice.
Oh. Great.
I see Pastor Rob's here again.
Oh, does, uh
does he come here often?
Not with that one.
She's new.
Well, good for him.
Single, good-looking pastor.
In a small town like this,
he might as well be Roger Staubach.
Oh, my God. The Dallas Cowboys.
Oh, sure, course.
Um hey, if you need me,
I'm gonna be in the office doing
office things.
What are you doing here?
I ran out of beer at home,
didn't feel like driving to the store.
Oh, so you just waltz
in and help yourself?
'Bout sums it up.
I'm changing the locks.
Cheers.
So, how's my daughter doing?
Eh, she seems okay.
Still trying to figure things out.
I got to be honest,
I'm not exactly upset
about less religion in the house.
I hear you.
Although, Jesus making her forgive me
has come in handy more than a few times.
Yeah, I played that card, too.
Then again, I remember Mary before God
got His mitts on her, and
she was pretty wild.
Don't have to tell me.
I was the person she was wild with.
Oh, she was wild long
before she ever met you.
What do you mean?
Did you think that you were the
first person she was wild with?
Well yeah.
And just when the
Enterprise is about to be
assimilated by the Borg,
another ship appears,
piloted by Wesley Crusher.
- Uh-huh.
- It's surprising because
Wesley Crusher left the show years ago,
so it's a big deal.
If you say so.
I have more. Commander Data
I'd like a reservation for dinner.
Yes, I'll hold.
You want to do this over dinner? Okay.
I'm taking your grandmother out tonight.
She didn't mention it to me.
Maybe because it doesn't concern you.
My meemaw, my professor
Who's in the middle
of that Venn diagram?
Yes, two people at 8:00.
8:00's a little late for Meemaw.
What time does she like to eat?
Well, she's old like you,
so 6:30 at the latest.
Can we make that 6:30? Wonderful.
Hold on. Does she like French food?
I'll call you back.
Anyway, Commander Data
Let me ask you a question,
if this Commander Data
were taking your meemaw out
for dinner, where would they go?
Almost certainly the holodeck.
Sounds trendy.
Is that in Houston?
Hello.
What's up?
I saw your "help wanted" sign.
I'd like to help, please.
How old are you?
How old do I need to be?
Do I not look 14?
- I don't care.
- Perfect.
So, when do I start?
All right, hold on, do
you even like comic books?
Yeah.
What's your favorite?
Um
And the cool thing about
the X-Men is not just
that they have superpowers, but they act
as a metaphor for outsiders
outsiders trying to
find their place in society.
Who's your favorite?
All of them.
Mine, too.
And I got the job.
You can't work at the comic book store.
If anyone should work
at the comic book store,
it should be me.
Sorry, we're not hiring.
Do I at least get a discount?
I do.
Oh, hey, hi.
Oh You okay?
Not really.
It's been a rough couple of days.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
Makes you feel better,
I've had a pretty good couple of days,
and I'm still gonna get drunk.
Want to join me?
Yes.
That would be nice.
More sad than nice,
- but let's go.
- Okay.
So this is unexpected.
Well, I know you like margaritas,
so my first thought was
a Mexican restaurant.
Good thought.
But I assumed other men had come
to that same conclusion.
- They have.
- Which led me to Polynesian fare.
I like to think of the Mai Tai
as the margarita of the South Pacific.
You don't do anything on a whim, do you?
Did once, didn't like it.
I have an idea for a Star Trek episode
I'd like to present to you.
Why me?
Because I'm hoping to sell it,
and since it's going to
be broadcast television,
I want to make sure the
common man can understand it.
Well, I understand I was just insulted.
Excellent, I came to
the right common man.
We start on
a gas giant in the vicinity of Rigel IV,
then see a shuttlecraft,
a dot of silver against
the inky blackness of space.
Inside the shuttlecraft,
we see Lieutenant Worf
struggling to breathe.
He's been infected by a
vicious intelligent fungus.
- Where are you going?
- I'm listening.
Cough, cough.
Worf is choking on spores,
but not just your everyday spores,
these are spores with their own
- evil agenda.
- Uh-huh.
And, as he sinks into a
coma, a mysterious figure
in a spacesuit approaches.
He lowers the visor of
his helmet revealing
Future Worf. Are you hooked?
Oh, yeah.
Main titles.
Cue theme song and the soothing voice
of Patrick Stewart as
Captain Picard says
"Space"
"the final frontier."
Who's Patrick Stewart?
- Feeling better?
- I'm fine,
just having a little moment earlier.
Oh, yeah.
- All right.
- Mm.
Mmm.
Seems like running into
Pastor Rob kind of
kind of rattled you a little bit.
Oh, well
I was asked to leave the church,
and he's still there, so
- it's still a little fresh.
- Mm.
Yeah, I get that.
- Seems like a nice guy, though.
- Oh, yeah,
he's great.
Cute as a button.
I guess.
I prefer a bigger man.
Like George?
Oh, yeah. Bigger the better.
Deep within the
Enterprise's control room,
Future Worf says,
"I willingly sacrifice myself
for the good of this mission,"
then throws himself into the warp core.
There's an explosion of tachyons.
The Enterprise blasts free
of the gigantic field of fungus.
Fade out.
Written by Sheldon Lee Cooper.
What do you think?
If this Worf fella was
infected on the shuttles,
why would he come back to the Enterprise
and put everyone else in danger?
Well
My father found a flaw in my story,
my sister had a job I envied.
It was a big day for the common man.
But then I had an idea that,
like Future Worf, was ahead of its time.
- Missy.
- What?
Why is a dollar worth a dollar?
Sheldon, I'm busy.
Me too. I've solved all
of our money problems.
I'm going to invent my
own digital currency.
Like, printing your own?
No. First, we assign value
to difficult-to-find numbers
and store them in a computer database.
Then we create an algorithm
to mine the numbers,
then we encourage people
to switch from currencies
that are government-backed to ours.
It's brilliant. I'm going to be rich.
Speaking of,
did you know Batman is
also secretly a rich dude?
Or he lives in a rich dude's basement.
I'm still figuring it out.
Oh, thank you, tiki woman.
So
what's going on at work?
I don't want to bore
you with science talk.
No, no, I'm interested.
Excellent. We're in a race
with the Finnish team to see
who can correct the
unification of the leptons.
As you can imagine, the
world waits anxiously
while we see who crosses
the finish line first.
So, the Finnish may
be at the finish line?
Oh, you're witty, too.
More cheese to bait the trap.
Maybe we should order dinner.
Nonsense, there's food right here.
Pineapple,
prickly on the outside,
but beautiful inside,
just like you.
And you know that Shannon girl
With Pastor Rob?
She was a bedwetter.
Ten years old.
That's not normal.
Maybe he'll get a fun little surprise
on their honeymoon.
Oh, no, they're not getting married.
Well, how do you know?
I don't.
I just think he could do better.
Mary Cooper.
Are you sweet on him?
No! What?
I am a married woman.
Happily.
Well, I was married once, too,
didn't stop me from looking.
Well, I'm not looking.
Where you going?
To dance.
I didn't think you Baptists did that.
We don't drink, neither.
Ooh!
- Look at me. Ooh!
- Wow.
I'm pretty good.
Are you familiar with the phrase,
- "You need money to make money"?
- No.
Well, it's a phrase, and
my clever twist on it is,
"I'm going to make money to make money."
Mm-hmm.
Now, when I say "make
money," you might think that
I'm talking about
counterfeiting, but no,
I'm talking about creating
a unique decentralized
digital currency that
people can pay to own.
Sounds like a scam.
No, it's an open-source currency
that has value due to
mathematical scarcity.
Sounds pretty scammy.
You don't understand.
I do.
You say a bunch of fancy jibber-jabber,
people don't want to admit
they're too stupid to understand,
then they give you their money.
Well um sort of.
Love it. How do we get started?
Well, all we need is
a mainframe computer.
- How much is that?
- New, about half a million dollars,
but I'm hoping to find
something slightly used.
Time will prove me right.
You're not gonna believe this,
but I don't go on a lot of dates.
No.
It's true.
Sure, I did okay as a younger man, but
there was a war on and
most of the able-bodied
men were elsewhere.
So, you sowed some oats, I get it.
A whole field of them.
I was the Johnny Appleseed of oats.
Okay.
But here's the thing.
Once you put off matrimony
past a certain point,
women start to think of
you as What's the word?
- Creepy?
- There it is.
And then along comes you,
my little Texas firecracker,
playing the game of life
by her own set of rules.
I'm a firecracker, I'm a pineapple
Good for me.
Can I ask you a personal question?
Oh, I wish you wouldn't.
How would you like to make love to a man
who shook the hand of Albert Einstein?
And you did.
This one right here.
I didn't wash it for a week.
Not a selling point.
Excuse me for a moment.
I have to toss my cookies.
Hey.
Where you been?
Brenda and I went dancing.
You went dancing?
Yeah, and I'm darn good at it.
Okay.
- The kids asleep?
- Yep.
You want to fool around?
Are you messing with me?
I'm hoping to.
Well, hot diggity dog.
Welcome to King Kong Comics. I'm Missy.
If you have any questions,
please let me know.
I don't have any questions.
I know more about
comic books than you do.
Okay. What you may not know is the new
Green Lantern just came in.
Also, if you like green
things, I recommend Green Arrow,
and, of course, the
Hulk. His skin is green.
I know that. Everyone knows that.
Uh-oh, are you gonna smash things?
That's something the Hulk
does when he gets upset.
I'm not upset.
Cool. If you need something,
I'll be at the front
counter. Where I work.