Young Sheldon (2017) s06e08 Episode Script

1
- Previously on Young Sheldon
- We are at capacity.
It's time to expand.
- Where?
- The video store right behind that wall
just lost its lease.
So, you're telling me there's
nothing weird going on back there?
Oh, my God.
Is it legal?
- No.
- Yes.
Too bad there's not
a comic book database
so I can search through it
and find what I'm looking for.
Well, CERN has something similar.
You can search a database
of scientific papers.
But there's no database for comic books.
You should make one. Somewhere else.
Could it be used to
catalogue other things?
Yes, the applications are endless.
Ooh, there could be ones
for scientific grants.
Funding grants is such
a time-consuming process.
If there was a centralized database,
it would change the
research landscape entirely.
Do you see what this could do
for the scientific community?
We could charge an access fee to
every university on the planet,
then I could retire on
a yacht in the Bahamas.
You're missing the point.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, good for science. I love it.
ADULT SHELDON: People say
French is the language of love,
but for me, nothing is sweeter
than the exhilarating
sounds of legalese.
Ooh, la, la.
The same could not be
said for my parents.
Uh
(stammers)
And which one are we?
"The-the party of the first part"
or "the party of the second part"?
(laughs) The first part,
but either way, it's a party.
Speaking of which, can I get you a beer?
Y-You're a Lone Star man, right?
- Matter of fact, I am.
- George.
She offered. I don't want to be rude.
It's 11:00 a.m.
Well, you just let me know.
We'll get you anything you want.
We're fine, thank you. (clears throat)
So, you really think this
invention of Sheldon's
could be worth something?
Oh, who knows? Uh, most of the time,
these things don't pan out.
Could be something,
probably nothing. (laughs)
Uh, that's just a formality.
But you said my grant database
would make the university
"boatloads of money."
Well, that doesn't mean anything.
Boats can be small. (laughs)
Ever hear of a canoe?
Anyway, who needs a pen?
What's this about the university
owning 90% and Sheldon only owning ten?
Oh, that's just standard boilerplate.
Did you know that boilerplate originally
referred to the roll of steel
used as a template to
create steam boilers,
but then was adapted
to the legal profession
to describe the way
companies use fine print
to get around the law?
Ugh, that fact is just so fun.
You see? It is a party.
And what's a party without Yoo-hoo?
Can I get you a cold one?
Yes, please.
No. We want to make sure that
Sheldon is being treated fairly.
Yeah, maybe we should get our own lawyer
to take a look at this
before we sign anything.
Can we afford a lawyer?
Okay, w-we're gonna need
some time to get back to you.
Of course. You take
all the time you need.
You know, just because of all
the nice things we've done for
your son and for your family,
no need to start trusting us now.
She took that better than I thought.
Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
I bet I could be your hero ♪
I am a mighty little man ♪
I am a mighty little man. ♪
Dang, it's busy in here for a weekday.
Social Security checks landed.
Hm. Getting paid just to
be old must be nice.
I ain't complaining.
Listen, this cash box is
full. Take some of this up
and stick it in the
register in the video store.
You got it.
And don't be flirting with Mandy.
I need help back here.
Okay, but she might flirt with me.
This shirt really brings out my eyes.
(door closes)
How's it going? Figure everything out?
People give me money,
I give them movies.
I think I got it.
Smart, pregnant, you're
the whole package.
I'd like to return this movie.
Okay, thank you. Come again.
I can't believe you
would rent this filth.
It's not filth. It's Basic Instinct.
Well, my husband was watching it
and there was a woman in
there who showed her hoo-ha.
Yeah, she does.
Come on, I mean, you
don't see the whole thing.
At most, you see a "hoo."
If you see the "hoo,"
the "ha's" right there.
Whatever it was, it's sinful.
Why don't you pick out
something else? On the house.
I don't know why you'd
carry something like this.
People like it.
I've seen it three times.
Do you really want to bring your baby
into a world where this is
considered entertainment?
Lady, why don't you let
me worry about my baby
and, uh, you worry about
what your husband's watching.
Easy, she's still a customer.
Not anymore.
And I'm gonna tell my prayer group
not to come here either.
(scoffs) Okay, you do that.
We have family entertainment as well.
Sound of Music. No one shows nothing.
Three times, really?
I'm 17.
Well, I don't know, you're the lawyer.
You know, if this invention's big,
mama wants a taste.
President Hagemeyer, a word.
Here's a word: out.
I understand you're moving forward
with Sheldon's grant database.
I was an intrinsic part of that.
Hm, Sheldon didn't mention you.
Of course he didn't, that
pint-sized little credit hog.
Do I need to redo these contracts?
- You betcha.
- All right, just hold on.
This is good for the university.
This isn't about everybody
getting a piece of the pie.
Oh, really? In that contract,
does she get a piece of the pie?
- Uh
- Don't answer that,
attorney-client whatever.
Uh, technically my services
are paid for by the uni
Shut up, Ken.
Linda, be reasonable.
I am.
After all the Sheldon I've
put up with, I deserve this.
You deserve this? My office
is basically his clubhouse.
Okay, I tell you what I'll do.
If Sheldon's okay with it,
you're welcome to part of his cut.
That's not you doing anything.
Hi there, Connie.
Pastor Jeff. What can I do for you?
I was hoping we could chat
about your video store.
What about it?
I'm just so glad it's in the
hands of a good Christian woman.
Where you headed here, padre?
(clears throat) Well, some of my flock
have concerns about
the movies y'all rent.
You know, the ones
with the sexual content
and whatnot.
If they don't want to see whatnot,
then they shouldn't rent whatnot.
I hear you. God gave
us free will. (chuckles)
But you're renting temptation.
And you know who tempts us?
The devil.
So, that's who's making me want
to slam this door in your face.
I'm just here to give you a heads-up.
People are upset and I'd hate
to see your business suffer.
- Are you threatening me?
- No, uh, I'm sorry.
Uh, let me just take off my pastor hat,
put on my neighbor cap,
and start again.
I'm gonna put on my hat, too.
It's got a big foam finger on top of it.
Guess which one.
The naughty one?
Bingo.
♪
Mr. Vance, thank you for
taking the time to see us.
Oh, no problem. (chuckles)
You know, I don't ordinarily handle
intellectual property contracts,
I'm more of a slip-and-fall guy.
I have seen your face
on those park bench ads.
Oh, you fall in the park, this
is the first thing you see.
So, as I said on the phone,
our son invented something that
his university's interested in,
but we feel they might be trying to keep
the lion's share for themselves.
You really think it's
gonna be worth something?
University seems to think
so. They want 90% of it.
Oh, is that so?
What's the invention?
We don't really understand it.
Oh, you know, it's a computer
- thing.
- (scoffs)
Adding machine and carbon
paper got me this far.
Mm.
What what am I smelling?
Beef and broccoli.
Chinese place downstairs.
Ooh, do they have good chop
suey? I can never find good
- George.
- You were saying?
Sheldon, we need to talk.
You should keep your voice
down. This is a library.
Do you remember when
we came up with the idea
for that grant database?
I remember when I came up with the idea.
Uh, in my office.
- In my brain.
- Which was in my office.
And, as I recall,
I was the one who suggested
you build a database.
No, you suggested I build
a comic book database.
Which was the underlying idea.
Fire is the underlying idea
for the nuclear power plant,
and no one credits the caveman.
Son
and I call you son because
I think of you as family.
Is this the way you would
treat your own family?
Not my mom. Everyone
else is on their own.
JEFF (in distance): Thank
you for saying no to sin!
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
What are you doing?
We're just asking people
to sign our petition
- if they agree that sin has no place in cinema.
- Huh.
- Clever.
- Thanks.
And God doesn't want us
seeing people's private parts.
Didn't he make people's private parts?
He did, and then he made
clothes to cover 'em right up.
(sighs) You are scaring
away my customers.
You know what's scarier? Hell.
Look, you can't just sit
here in front of my store.
Freedom of speech. We're allowed.
And we're allowed to rent
whatever movies we want.
People can choose for themselves.
They sure can.
If you love God and hate
the devil, sign here.
Where is your halo? 'Cause
you are an angel. (chuckles)
Let's just see what the
people think about this.
Yeah.
MEEMAW: What are you doing?
We just finally got those
killjoys out of here.
Yeah, it was amazing.
Have you two lost your minds?
We do not need this kind of attention.
Attention's good.
Like, free advertising.
We're running an illegal
gambling room in the back.
- Oh, that'll be fine.
- For you.
If we get arrested,
y'all go to lady jail.
I have to go to scary jail.
I'm too pretty for scary jail.
No more prison movies for you.
So you're saying we should just give in,
after what that holy-rolling Muppet
has done to your whole family?
He does look like a Muppet.
All I'm saying is we need to remember
where the real money's coming from.
If we want it to keep
coming, you got to back off.
Okay, fine. I'll behave.
When did you start to
be the responsible one?
Hey, I don't like it, either.
Ah, just the young genius
I was hoping to see.
Look, I've heard from
your parents' lawyer,
and I'm a little concerned
that this whole thing
is getting out of hand.
How so? Well, you know,
lawyers get involved
and everything slows down
and, well, I'm just worried
that someone else might come up
with the same idea in the meantime.
I didn't think of that.
We should get started.
I agree, but, well, we can't get started
until the paperwork is signed.
Ugh! Those darn lawyers.
Well, how can we fix this?
Hmm. Well, I guess if you could,
well, convince your parents to sign,
then we could get rolling.
And to make it worth your while,
how about we put your name
on one of these buildings?
How would you feel about
"Sheldon Cooper Science Center"?
I'm sorry. Did you say,
"Sheldon Cooper Science Center,"
or "Sheldon Cooper's Science Center"?
Well, which do you like?
I prefer the possessive.
It makes it much more mine.
Then "Sheldon Cooper's
Science Center" it is.
(laughs) So, do we have a deal?
- Okay.
- Excellent.
Now get out of here before
I pinch those cheeks.
(sighs)
(knocking)
I will remind you my
wife is a police officer.
I've just come with a
little peace offering.
My last copy of Basic Instinct.
So there you go. No more naked ladies,
no more Michael Douglas'
bare butt giving me impure thoughts.
The town is safe again.
Well, thank you for seeing reason.
Well, what kind of good Christian
woman would I be if I didn't?
- (chuckles)
- So, we square?
It's not about you and
me being square, Connie.
It's about you and El Jefe Grande.
Mm-hmm.
Well, goodbye.
You know, I'd be happy to come down
and let you know what other
movies are objectionable
so we don't have another
situation on our hands.
You want to take more
movies out of my store?
Again, not me, but
there's a guy with a thumb
a lot bigger than Siskel or Ebert's.
Sheldon, thank you for coming in.
I want to apologize for
our little tiff earlier.
You're forgiven.
Oh. Great.
I found something that
might be of interest to you.
An authentic signature
from Richard Feynman.
Where did you get this?
Details aren't important.
- Is this a restraining order?
- Not important.
That's actually a really
good way to get autographs.
I'll have to keep that in mind.
Well, it's yours, from
one scientist to another,
and that's my point, really.
- You and I we need to stick together.
- Why?
Because this university
is filled with people
who want to exploit our ideas.
That's not my experience.
President Hagemeyer just
offered me my own building.
You're being manipulated,
you don't even know it.
Sheldon, I've seen
this a thousand times
a brilliant young mind like
yours taken advantage of.
But isn't that what you're trying to do?
Absolutely not.
President Hagemeyer's was a bribe.
That is a gift from one peer to another.
(laughs) So what do you say?
Are you a scientist
or are you a pawn of the administration?
A scientist.
Yes, you are. (laughs)
So, we have a deal?
Okay.
MEEMAW: I'd like to order
five more copies of Basic Instinct
and a couple more of Fatal Attraction.
- Anything else?
- Ooh, uh, get a Last Temptation of Christ.
That'll really piss people off.
And a copy of The Last
Temptation of Christ
to really piss people off.
Thank you.
What are y'all doing?
Well, I tried to be
nice but he kept pushing.
Yeah, so now we're pushing back.
Why do you care?
Because I don't like
anybody telling me how
to run my business, especially him.
This is not your business.
That room back there with
the shady piles of money
that's your business. Your
secret, illegal business.
So, what, are we just supposed
to become a Christian video store now?
You know what? In this town, I
No! I am not gonna let that man win.
Hi. I'm with Channel 7 news.
Can I help you?
A local pastor has put
together a petition of citizens
concerned about the vulgar
content of your video store.
Would you care to comment?
Damn straight I would.
I want him to know
- Give me. Give me.
- No, give me that. I want
I can assure you there's nothing immoral
or indecent going on here.
Mm. So, we were talking to the lawyer
Here comes the divorce.
We are not getting divorced.
Then why do we have a lawyer?
Sheldon invented something
that the university's interested in
and it could be worth some money.
You always were my favorite brother.
This morning you licked your
finger and put it in my ear.
That means I like you.
Anyway, the lawyer wants
to sit down with you
before he gets into
it with the university.
I don't know. I hear
lawyers slow things down.
What?
Shelly, this is for your future.
We're just trying to make
sure that you're taken care of.
I don't care about money.
Well, someday you might when
you have your own wife and kids.
I don't see that happening.
No one sees that happening.
And I say that with love.
Sheldon, this is important to all of us.
Uh, you got to think about your family.
Shelly, he's right.
Did you put extra hot
dogs in this spaghetti?
I did.
Okay, I'll talk with the lawyer.
(whispering): You're good.
Well, I'm-I'm so glad that
we can all sit down together.
And I have a feeling we are
gonna come to a quick agreement.
I have a feeling we are.
So, I have redrawn the contracts
Sorry we're late.
What are you doing here? And who's he?
- I'm his cousin.
- And lawyer.
Really, Grant?
- Yeah, really.
- Let me talk for you.
Yeah, really.
Okay. Fine, fine. Stay.
It really doesn't make
any difference because
Sheldon agrees that this is in
the best interest of everyone.
- You said that?
- Yes.
- Hold on. Sheldon told me
- Grant.
Sheldon informed my client that
their interests were aligned.
- You told him that?
- Yes.
You told me he was on our side.
Didn't you tell them that?
Yes.
Which is it, Sheldon?
Yeah, Sheldon. Whose side are you on?
Shelly?
I don't know and I don't care.
I just want to build the database.
Why can't this just
be about the science?
W-why are you making
it all about the money?
This was supposed to be
exciting, and you're ruining it.
Oh
I'm telling you, I can do it on my own.
Shelly?
I don't want to be
in the middle anymore.
I know. I I came out to apologize.
We made that all about us
and it should be about what you want.
Thanks.
So why don't you take a little time
and figure out what's
gonna make you happy?
I will.
Okay, I did.
Oh. All right. Well,
what did you decide?
- I'm cutting everybody out and doing this myself.
- What?
I don't need the university
and I don't need Dr. Linkletter.
How are you gonna pay for all this?
I'll find private investors.
They can pay for it on the
condition I'm left alone.
Are you sure you don't want to
think about this a little more?
Perhaps you're right.
- Done. I'm good.
- Where you going?
My dorm. I have some
calls to make. Love you.
Love you, too.
Don't you have Die Hard?
- Not anymore.
- Why?
It had that bad word in it.
- What?
- "Yippee-ki-yay," etcetera.
This store sucks.
We know.
- Maybe you'd like The Singing Nun.
- Nope.
Has anybody ever rented The Singing Nun?
Just Pastor Jeff.
That figures.
Wait a minute.
You can see all the movies
that Pastor Jeff ever rented?
You can see any movie everyone's rented.
Well, let's just see if he's
as pious as he pretends to be.
Let's find out. (grunts)
(typing)
Jesus Christ Superstar,
Jesus of Nazareth,
The Blood of Jesus.
Good Lord.
How many Jesus movies are there?
Oh, what about his wife?
- Oh.
- Mm.
- Show me, show me.
- Mm.
Hello, Pastor Jeff.
- (door closes)
- Hey there, Connie.
What brings you by?
I just wanted to drop off a little gift.
Dirty Dancing?
I think you know how I
feel about this movie.
I do.
I also know how your
wife feels about it.
What?
She's rented it five times.
That's a lot of
shirtless Patrick Swayze.
Must be some mistake.
There isn't. Shall we talk
about Fatal Attraction?
- Do we have to?
- Six times.
- Are you blackmailing me?
- Yeah.
Well, it's not gonna work.
I'm a man of principles
and I stand by them.
And I respect that.
So let's talk about what your
church elders are renting.
- Oh, come on.
- Want to know?
Is it bad?
- It's Porky's bad.
- (whimpers)
How your principles feeling now?
ADULT SHELDON:
I'm going to end this story
so you don't have to see
a grown man beg for mercy.
Connie, please