Adventure Beast (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

1
[animal growling]
- [screeching]
- [howling]
[BTG] Curious allies,
zebra and ostrich tolerate each other
to avoid hungry predators.
The zebra relies
on the ostrich's height and huge eyes,
which are larger than an elephant's,
to see hidden dangers,
while the ostrich depends
on the zebra's superb sense of smell.
Easy, buddy.
Just a friendly ostrich
casually probing your anus
for fecal parasites.
- [Dietrich] Bees!
- [braying]
Oh no. [screams]
[grunts]
[groans] Buttocks.
[Dietrich yelping]
- [bees buzzing]
- Hypodermic needles with wings.
They're gonna give me hepatitis!
- Bees can't give you hepatitis, Dietrich.
- How do you know, Bonnie?
Uh… Huh.
- I guess I don't.
- Well, I [gasps]
[coughs]
- I hate nature so much right now.
- [scoffs]
Dietrich, when I'm elbow-deep
in a zebra's anus,
I need you to keep it down, okay?
Ten years as my field assistant,
I'm surprised you don't know that.
I do know that,
but I've also seen hateful bees
sting you so many times
your skin looked like pre-chewed gum.
Ha! That was such a great day.
[inhales deeply] Still not sure
why you'd carry that photo around.
I've got one too, Uncle B.
From when you brought a Tasmanian devil
to my sixth birthday party.
[BTG] Oh yes.
[laughs] Good times!
You really need to embrace
nature's wonders and horrors.
Just try to be more like Bonnie.
But this is her first expedition.
She should be more like me.
[shrieks] I'm not vaccinated!
Don't worry! I've been prepping
for this expedition my entire life.
I've got everything.
GPS, bug spray,
tranquilizer gun, an apple
No guns.
Huh?
- [gunfire]
- [people shouting and screaming]
[gunfire continues]
[people shouting and screaming]
[bomb exploding]
Incoming wounded!
[grunts]
[gasps]
[monitor beeping]
Those animals!
[bullet clattering]
[grunting]
- [snarling]
- Huh?
- Ahh!
- [growls]
[BTG groaning]
[growling]
- Keep your whiskers up, sunshine.
- [tiger growls]
Lieutenant Greive,
did you bring a tiger
to the medical tent again?
It's an Indochinese tiger, sir.
They're almost extinct.
Bah! Do you know how many signs
I had to commission because of you?
- [chopper hovering]
- Uh…
That's my ex-wife, Linda.
Can't be too careful.
[fighter planes whizzing]
- [bombs exploding]
- You're my best paratrooper commander
and the only decent baritone
in the officers' a cappella group,
but you have to make a choice.
Are you gonna be part of this regiment,
or are you gonna play with wild animals?
[dramatic music playing]
The animals need me more.
Ah, that Bradley Trevor Greive
is a magnificent lunatic.
How long do you think he can maintain
that incredible physique?
[animal growling]
- [screeching]
- [howling]
- [gunfire]
- [people shouting and screaming]
Um… You were saying?
[BTG] Rule number one
of Greive expeditions.
If you need a gun
to feel safe in the wild,
you don't belong out here.
Stay home.
Wait, what?
I thought rule number one
of Greive expeditions
was never try to save you.
Correct, you should never try to save me.
There are two rule number ones.
[munching]
Excellent.
The last animals in a parasite census
are always the most rewarding.
You two, stay here
and, uh, practice your tweezer technique.
Yes! Something in my comfort zone.
Watch and learn, Bonnie.
[grunting]
[scoffs] Oh my God.
[braying]
[Bonnie] Agh!
Don't you get bored
watching BTG do all the fun stuff?
[grunts] Mmm.
This feces is chock-full
of amazing parasites.
Other than the birth of my daughter,
this is the best day of my life.
Um, my idea of fun is a little different.
You ever play Mahjong?
So exciting!
I stay awake at night
dreaming of chows, pongs, and kongs.
- [bushes rustling]
- [gasps] Ooh!
Look, something's in those bushes.
- We should check it out.
- Are you nuts?
Fine, I'll check it out.
Just stay here
and practice your tweezering.
Listen to me.
Every field assistant BTG's ever had
died a horrible death.
I actually saw one get nature-murdered
on my very first day.
I was a free-spirited grad student
with washboard abs and perfect skin
on a research trip.
- [screaming]
- BTG had plunged into the open sea
to tag a shortfin mako shark
with his field assistant, Ulrich.
Shark monster!
[whimpering]
- [grunts]
- Are you done? Good.
We need to head back.
Ulrich's been attacked by a shark,
but he should be…
Oh, that's not good.
Oh my God! Ulrich!
- [retches]
- Did you just cough up a hot dog?
I don't chew properly when I'm stressed.
Ah, no shame in that.
Sharks vomit up entire meals
to distract larger sharks
from eating them.
Mmm! Wow. Dietrich, I have good news. Mmm!
You are my new field assistant.
What? Me?
But I'm only here for three days
for college credit.
I don't wanna be a field zoologist.
I wanna be a zoology professor
at UC Davis.
Mmm, don't worry, this is gonna be great
for your career. [munches]
Or you'll die.
Either way, it's a step forward,
so congratulations.
Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
Okay. [inhales deeply]
Let's tag another shark while there's
still so much blood in the water.
Oh, goodbye, Ulrich.
You were a great field assistant.
One of the best.
In you go!
That was ten years ago,
making me BTG's
longest surviving field assistant
by nine years and six months.
You know how I managed
to survive all that time, Bonnie?
I never do anything.
Bonnie?
Oh, hello!
Aren't you a cute little furry thing?
- [snarling]
- Whoa!
[BTG yelling]
[braying]
Bonnie! Back to the jeep!
- [growling]
- Whoa! Aah!
Aah!
[snarling]
[yells, grunts]
[gasps] Ha!
It's my lucky day!
[grunts, pants]
Bonnie! Bonnie!
- Over here!
- [snarling]
Crap!
No, no, no, no, no! [pants]
Help! The headlights won't turn on!
[jeep revving]
[grunts] Good thinking, Dietrich!
[horn blaring]
[whimpering]
Bonnie, listen to me.
You need to stay with the herd
to be protected.
Loners get picked off.
I thought I saw danger.
Turns out I was right.
There were lions.
You're not in a classroom now.
This is the wild.
I need you to hang back,
observe and learn.
Ugh! But you've been telling me
that my entire life.
- Now can I go into the field with you?
- [slurping]
No, Bonbon. [chuckling]
You're too young. [slurping]
Now can I go into the field with you?
No, Bonnie, you need more training.
Now can I go into the field with you?
No, Bonnie! You're too…
Hang on.
Hello? Mrs. Peterson?
Yes, thanks for calling.
I'm sorry, I've… I've got to take this.
You're talking into a banana!
I'm a grown woman, Uncle B.
If you really want me to learn,
you're gonna have to let me get hurt.
[BTG] So, I'm a little overprotective.
[all screaming]
- [huffs]
- It's an ambush!
Look at that bird!
He's the brains of the operation.
Sorry, big fella.
That's just a cattle egret.
The Cape buffalo tolerates the egret
because it eats parasites
and insects off his skin.
Easy meal for the bird,
good hygiene for the buffalo.
I love animal friends
that shouldn't be friends.
One time, I saw a video of a bear
who was friends with a duck.
Yeah, I saw that video.
I'm pretty sure
those animals were drugged.
- [groans]
- Anyway, I wouldn't call them friends,
more like a mutualistic relationship
where each benefits from the other.
Blah, blah, blah. They're BFFs.
If it looks like a duck
and sounds like a duck
Crows sound like ducks.
- Would you say that we're friends?
- Not now, Dietrich. Look!
- [buffalo chuffing]
- [BTG gasps] Black gold.
This is gonna be a parasite bonanza!
[humming]
- [bellows gently]
- Don't mind me.
All we need to find now
is a mountain nyala,
the pride of Ethiopia.
Ah! There's nothing quite as invigorating
as a good parasite census.
Have you ever tried recreational drugs?
Because I have news for you.
Inappropriate uncle talk, Bonnie.
But, yes,
I once licked a Sonoran Desert toad,
but this is better.
Big b-buffalo b-back-o!
[grunting angrily]
[all screaming]
[BTG screams]
- [jeep crashing]
- Oh no! Uncle B!
Give it up, Bonnie.
BTG's dead.
You're a Greive,
and your initials are BTG, which means
you can legally sign my paychecks,
and, also, that makes you next in line
to lead the Greive expeditions, right?
Um… Yeah. Yes.
I… I guess so.
Phew.
Well, congratulations, Dietrich,
you're my new field assistant.
Wha… What? Me?
Oh God!
- Did I even graduate college?
- Come on.
Uncle B! Uncle B!
Ah. Crap. There's no sign of him.
Uncle B!
[cawing]
[groaning]
[screaming]
- [thuds on ground]
- [groans]
Not dead yet.
- [crashing]
- [horn blaring]
[groans]
[cawing]
Back off! I'm not being eaten alive
beneath the jeep.
That's what happened
to my old field assistant, Bardrich.
Fifty thousand social spiders
working together
built that collective super web.
Their cooperation allows them
to capture far larger prey
than any single spider
could ever dream of.
Pretty cool, right, Bardrich?
I'm not Bardrich. My name's Emmerich.
Oh, sorry. What happened to Bardrich?
- I love my job! I love my life!
- [grunting ferociously]
[screaming]
Oh, right.
Well, anyway, you get my point,
right, Emmerich?
Wow, that's the quickest one yet.
- [cawing]
- I refuse to be a Bardrich.
Agh!
[grunting]
For the last time, Dietrich,
there is no such thing
as mountain crocodiles.
- Bonnie!
- [Bonnie gasps]
Yes! I knew you weren't dead!
Or are you a zombie?
You just emerged from the earth,
and your face is bloated and disgusting.
Thank God!
Someone who actually knows something.
Are mountain crocodiles a thing?
In the Cardamom Mountains
of Cambodia? Yes!
I knew it!
I'm never listening to Bonnie again.
[scoffs] Son of a…
- [wolves calling]
- Uh-oh. Ethiopian wolves.
Here, put these on.
[Dietrich] Monkey suits?
It's finally happened. BTG's gone insane.
[BTG] Ethiopian wolves
could eat young gelada monkeys,
but instead of fighting and getting hurt,
they choose to hunt together.
The monkeys expose small rodents
while digging up tubers and plant shoots.
An easy meal for the wolves
and added protection for the monkeys.
- [snarling]
- Classic mutualism.
You mean, animal friends
that shouldn't be friends?
Sort of like… us?
Sure.
Trusted friends, temporary colleagues.
Well, whatever.
- [rustling]
- [wolves calling]
Those wolves do not wanna be
this far down the mountain.
- [animal growling]
- Uh-oh. In fact…
[snarling]
- [roaring]
- [BTG screaming]
Go ahead, lion. Finish what you started.
[Bonnie] Uncle B!
No, Bonnie!
Rule number one!
Which rule number one?
[snarling]
Whoa!
- [growling]
- [grunting]
- [groaning] Get up that tree! Now!
- [growling]
[bees buzzing]
[BTG] Back here, lions.
- I'm your main course!
- [snarling]
[laughs] And probably dessert as well,
if I'm being honest.
- [lions growling]
- [BTG screaming]
Bonnie, this is your chance!
Escape while they feast
on my marbled flesh and gristle!
Carry on the Greive name. Make me proud.
No! No! No!
If we don't help you,
we're not your field assistants.
We're just parasites!
I'm not an Aldrich,
or a Bardrich, or a Dietrich.
- No offense, Dietrich.
- Oh, none taken.
I have very high self-worth.
I'm breaking rule number one.
I'm still not gonna do anything.
[grunting]
- [grunting]
- [growling]
- [grunts]
- Aah!
Ooh, sorry!
[grunts]
[bees buzzing]
- [growls]
- [screaming]
[all screaming]
[coughs, laughs]
Ah! I have to admit,
that was a brilliant
zoological strategy, Bonbon.
Thank God I went to an Ivy League school.
If there's one thing I know how to do,
it's kick the creeps where it hurts.
- [rustling]
- Mountain crocs!
[BTG gasps] A magnificent mountain nyala.
[gasps] The final animal
on the parasite census!
[groaning]
Know what, Bonnie?
Why don't you take this one?
No way!
- [Bonnie] Ha-ha! Yes!
- Are you sure she can handle this?
[inhales deeply] I'm sure. She's a Greive.
She's a BTG. This is in her blood.
[bellows softly]
[screaming] Whoa!
Whoa!
- [thuds]
- [grunts] Ow!
[grunts] Crap!
I'm good.
Attagirl!
[sighing] Ah! I'm gonna be sad
when one of you gets killed and eaten.
Mmm, hopefully in that order.
[laughs]
Oh, Mother.
Even animals that traditionally hunt alone
can form unusual symbiotic partnerships…
- [Bonnie] Uncle B. Gold.
- …with different species.
- Found your yearbook.
- [BTG] Oh, is that gold, really?
What were you like in high school?
I was friends with a lot of kids
from a lot of different backgrounds.
And when I started exploring the world,
those friendships paid off.
I don't care about
those people cliques anymore.
I'm more of an animal person now.
But you gotta remember that, in nature,
animals behave
much like we did in high school.
They have their own cliques.
Like tortoises
- [Bonnie] Stoners.
- [BTG] Correct.
Yaks? Jocks.
The meathead jocks are the ones in the gym
just getting their beef on.
- [Bonnie] Yeah.
- Wallabies?
- Like the track team?
- [Bonnie] Oh, definitely. Porcupines?
[BTG] They're like
the hardcore super virgins.
Aah!
- [laughs] He's back!
- Scorpions are goths.
- [BTG] Uh-huh.
- Tarantulas, emo kids.
- What's the difference? Ah.
- Eyeliner.
- Zebra, thespians.
- [BTG] Drama club. Yeah.
Oh. Vulture?
A really mean principal,
and he hates the kids,
because he hates his life.
- Nature, high school, one and the same.
- [Bonnie] Yeah.