Two Years Later (2026) s01e01 Episode Script

1
What do you think?
First impressions?
Well, complaints.
All friends are friends.
They're standing very close.
It's a crowded bus.
He's smiling.
She's too enthusiastic.
He's being polite and he keeps looking
around.
Maybe he's looking for seats.
Wait a minute.
Wait, so if I'm talking to a guy and he's
smiling, it's just out of blindness.
Yeah?
All he likes you.
It's a pretty wide gulf.
Oh, you're right.
That's way too handsy for work,
colleagues.
God, they're really going for it with the
masks now.
Yeah, it's a little eerie.
It's like the start of a zombie movie.
You know, I got yelled at for standing too
close to somebody at the checkout line.
People are losing their fucking minds.
And guy at work, so they're gonna announce
a walkthrough.
We'll have to stay at home for like two
weeks to stop the spread.
We won't be able to leave except for food
and emergencies.
Oh, God, it is like a zombie movie.
Next thing, there's a title card like 10
years later.
We've all got beards and shaved heads and
we're fighting over canned meat.
Uh, I'm not fighting you if you can't
meet.
That's all yours.
And how do you reckon you'd go with a
shaved head?
Knowing my luck, I'll end up with you.
I'll end up with a beard instead.
See?
Friends or friends?
What the fuck?
Yeah, that was no need for that.
That's what you do when we go our separate
ways, isn't it?
See you tomorrow.
Unless they lock us down.
Oh, well, if they do, I'll just see you
out in the wastelands then.
I'll be the one with the fucking weird
machete hand or the beard.
Goodbye!
Workers are back in the
office for the first time in
two years after COVID
restrictions have been drawn back.
A lot of the things we haven't been able
to do, we are now able to
Australians are getting back to work.
Look down as only, but it has come at a
huge cost.
Hello, stranger.
Well, well, well.
Two returns.
It's been a while.
It's been a long while.
Did you get cool back into the office?
Yep.
New management demands it.
Yep.
Been back for a couple of months now.
So your fucking friend was right?
You too.
Oh, right.
Yeah, you moved to the mountains right at
the start.
I've created the shirt and tie for a
flannel.
Leaves off the land now.
Pushed all in on apocalypse, huh?
You got to respect that.
So, what have you been up to for,
like, two years?
You know, aching, gardening, no
Zoom meetings and existential crisis.
At least you've got both your hands still
and full-out of hair.
No beard, sadly.
Stephen King or Danielle Steele?
Of course.
Oh.
Of course.
Is this what you've turned to in my
absence?
The Russian philosophy?
What has they done to us?
Well, what kind of ambitious literature
were you reading during lockdown?
Reading?
I just binged Tidy King in Squid Games,
like every other basic asshole.
So many empty seats.
Yeah, you save here.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow, I guess.
Unless
Hey.
Marry me.
Excuse me?
I promised myself if I ever saw you again,
I'd ask you to marry me.
As much as I really don't want to go to
work.
Today, I don't think that I
can bully I am late because I'm
getting married hard until
at least a couple of weeks in.
Yes, that's smart.
At least until a few weeks in.
Look, I've had a long time to think about
this.
Maybe too much time.
Maybe too much time.
I think Dostoyevsky's had a little too
much influence on you.
Was he running around Russia proposing to
women?
Ospensky, actually.
Ospensky.
No, okay, so my grandparents back in the
day, they went on eight dates and they got
married and they've been married for 50
years.
So not any Russian philosophers,
your grandparents are should like
They are.
So what, go on eight dates with you and
then
Well, we don't have to get married if you
don't want, obviously.
Look, I just always like seeing you on the
bus.
It's easily the highlight of my day.
I didn't think I was going to see you
again.
Me neither.
Who even dates anymore?
I don't know.
It's very old school.
Feels like we've been doing it wrong
lately.
Here is a distinct lack of wooing.
We can start small.
Go for coffee.
You're not a fucking weirdo, are you?
I don't think I am.
And I'm not just randomly asking women to
marry me.
Just me.
Yeah, just you.
I don't know, man.
This might fuck up the bus thing we've got
going on.
Yeah, but I think I just did that already.
Oh, thanks.
Miss you?
That's me.
You are brave when leaving your address
wide open.
How are you not swimming in dick pics?
I don't think I'm the key demographic.
Are you being serious?
Your last name is right?
I mean, I have no reason to lie.
Why?
That's my last name.
Fuck off.
I'm serious.
Ryan Wright.
Oh, God.
We're not related, are we?
Okay, I'm descended from the English
rights.
What about you?
Scottish.
My pop did the ancestry genealogy thing
during COVID.
Yeah, same.
Well, fuck would have made for a very
awkward coffee.
Very.
Well, hey, at least if we
do get married, I won't
have to take your last name
because I already have it.
See, you don't even really need me.
You literally have nothing at all to lose
now.
Well, text me.
Morning, mate.
Go out.
Morning.
So, guess who came
second in the Over 50s
watercolour category at
the Arch on the weekend?
Whoever the poor guy was behind you,
I'm betting you.
No, it was me.
I was so close.
Oh, my God.
That's amazing.
How did that get second prize?
I'd love to see you one first.
Oh, okay.
That's a bit shit, if you ask me.
You got robbed, Helen.
It's nice to get a little ribbon,
though.
I'm not going to lie.
Well, don't forget about the rest of us
back here when you're a famous artist.
Fat Chas.
Looking at porn again?
So, what if I was Mike,
there's shit all else to do here.
You know, I could be at home fucking
around and doing nothing.
Like you, they want to do an editorial
meeting in five.
Oh, can I just zoom in for my desk
instead?
Nope.
The new overlords require meat presence.
They're psychopaths.
Nobody wants this.
It's better when everyone's just in their
little box on the screen.
Admitted, Em.
You missed everyone here, didn't you?
Smells like beard oil in here.
I hope Gary's retirement is awful.
What a selfish, greedy sellout.
Yeah, I heard he started a charity.
Of course he did.
What a dick.
Meeting time.
Here we go.
Emily.
You look so good in person.
What do I look like on screen?
We can hug again.
Oh, did we ever before?
No, but we should have.
Don't inhale.
That makes it even weirder.
Okay, okay.
I just really missed you.
Both of you.
Oh, Mike too.
That kind of cheapens the sentiment.
Did you both see my email?
Oh, you sent quite a few emails now.
You want to be more specific?
The one about the welcome party for the
new corporate stakeholders.
It's a nice way of putting it.
What about this party?
Oh, it's compulsory.
Sorry.
Welcome everybody.
Well, this is nice, isn't it?
Are we all well?
What time do you finish up?
Okay, where should we begin?
Mike.
Yeah, so did anybody watch a Squid Game?
Like, that was amazing.
You know, like the last three episodes?
But they were playing that in a while.
You know that?
Who's this?
Getting about 4.30.
Here?
I can leave whenever I want.
4.30 then?
Sure.
Let's get this over with.
Excuse me, do you have any sugar?
Yeah, just in the poll.
No.
I got you something for our first date.
Of course I hope.
Jesus.
Who's dick is that?
I don't know.
I just scoured the internet until I found
the best one.
Is this your dream dick?
No.
It's the best one for you.
I was being thoughtful.
So you spent your first
day back at work scrolling
through dicks to find the one
that said the most about me?
That's pretty thoughtful.
Do you feel violated?
A little bit, yeah.
It's kind of like a slap in the face,
isn't it?
Every time.
Every time?
Hmm.
How many times is this happening for you?
I have something of an
online following, so every now
and then I'll just open my
DMs and it's like bang dicks.
We were.
Wow.
Cool.
You've never set one?
No.
Absolutely not.
I mean, I barely look at my own dick.
Why do I want to subject someone else to
it?
See, now you're just talking common sense.
Oh, wow.
You really do have a following going on.
You've got the blue tick and everything.
Wait, you're telling me you didn't already
saw the stalk me today?
Honestly, no.
It never really occurred to me.
Why did you?
Yes.
I didn't even have to put my detective hat
on.
Your socials are wide open.
You really walk between the raindrops,
don't you?
I never really had anything to hide.
Didn't I?
I was going to get saw the stalk.
Not even by the girl you want to marry
from the bus?
Yeah.
Can I follow you?
Do you think we're ready for that?
Today, for living on the edge,
I guess.
Um Tech writer and reviewer.
I thought you said you were a journalist.
Oh, shit.
No, I didn't mean it.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
I did.
Yes.
I was just
No.
If you put the word smart in front of
anything dumb, like a smart umbrella or a
egg tray, then I'm spending a few days
with it until I find 500 words.
What does a smart umbrella do?
It tells you when it's about to rain and
where it is if you lose it.
So you've write smart reviews about dumb,
smart, dumb products?
I never said they were smart reviews.
Hey, you want to get the table over there?
Yep.
Score.
Let's go.
You said you were an accountant.
Can't really sex that up, can I?
Oh, that's true.
Do you like it?
I don't love it.
I'm honest.
But I don't hate it.
And that used to be enough, maybe.
But not now.
I mean, is anything enough after the last
few years?
What would you rather be doing?
I don't know.
Writing something,
probably something important,
something not that bad
and hopefully not as shared.
Well, I look forward to reading that.
I'm sure it's amazing.
What would you rather be doing?
Kind of always wanted to run a coffee shop
like this.
Your dream job is to be a barista.
Yes, and no, kind of.
I just wanted to own it and
run it and, you know, select
the beans and make the menu
choices and all that cool stuff.
Then franchise it and retire to the yacht.
No, just one place where people can hang
out.
That'd be enough for me.
This is actually pretty sweet.
Oh, you voted for us.
This is like an old school date.
Oh, wait, you know, vegan or gluten free
or anything?
Maybe I should have stilled.
This is perfect.
This is exactly what I would have ordered.
And you ordered it without pineapple.
Pineapple can be a deal breaker,
in my opinion.
Starcey.
I see what you did there.
Bad.
You don't like pineapple?
I love pineapple, but I would never put it
on the pizza that I was sharing.
It's too divisive.
It's delicious, thank you.
So circling back, are you
meant to carry this smart
umbrella around with you
at all times, just in case?
You know, carrying a umbrella?
Of course not, do you?
Yes.
Now, this isn't the dumb smart one.
This is just their estimate.
Normal one.
But it has not held me yet.
So the huge bag thing isn't just a fashion
trend.
You actually carry useful things inside
them.
Repair for everything.
You'd never need any of it.
What do you do if it rains?
I guess I get wet.
Say you don't want to hear the raindrops
after all.
No.
No.
So, where do you want to go next time?
Should we play it by ear?
Yeah.
Of course.
Good.
Good.
Hey!
Hi!
What are you two up to?
I'm just waiting for him to decide what to
watch.
I don't care what we watch.
It's up to you.
Busy meds, pop.
Hey!
You're home late.
How was your day?
Yeah, it was okay.
Yeah, yeah, it was good.
It was good.
You've been cool.
No, I'm definitely going to see you.
It's on Ian's Facebook.
We should send it next door.
Don't start another neighborhood warp up.
I didn't start anything.
Hey, you choose what we watch.
I'm actually going to call it a night.
Are you okay?
Yeah, just have a big day.
You guys enjoy.
Hope you got home safe.
Hey!
That was your first day back.
Everybody pumped me back in the office.
Everybody except me loved it.
That was your shift.
Yeah, same old.
I did have one guy who came in who got his
hand caught in the middle press.
He was seen as like a
purple glove full of water
just hanging off his
wrist as fucking grass.
I don't want to hear this.
You asked.
I was being polite.
Not a lot of feel-good stories coming over
the armory.
Oh, hey, I have this really annoying work
party next Saturday.
I can't go.
Well, it's compulsory.
For you, maybe.
Now I'm working a double.
This is wed.
Um Since I agreed
to work a double.
I always going to cook.
I actually was but I just don't know.
Well, I couldn't be fucked.
So, are you ready to order some pizzas?
Hi.
You know what?
I actually got something on the way home,
so I'm not really hungry.
Yeah, I've heard that bullshit before.
No, I'll get next to large,
but I'm going to get pulling
up or you can just pick it
off if you want some, right?
Okey.
You want to come to a party next Saturday?
Sure.