The Venture Bros (2003) s01e02 Episode Script

Good morning,
Mr. And Ms. School-Age America.
It's time to put your lunch pail
in your cubby
and punch the clock,
because you're about to start
the first day of your career in science!
Meet your new boss, Dr. Jonas Venture.
Famed inventor, philanthropist,
and globe-trotting adventurer.
Now enter your new office,
Gargantua-1
a space station so advanced,
so self-sufficient
that it has been dubbed
"the ninth wonder of the world."
Here, you and over 2,000 other employees,
including 200 space welders
74 flying nurses, and one busy barber
labor to make the boss' perfect vision
a perfect reality.
Why, even little Rusty,
Dr. Venture's companion and son
is pitching in.
Yes, it looks like Rusty's career in science
has a bright future.
- Wuss!
- Knock it off!
Boys, for the last time, stop!
Brock is trying to drive!
- I'm cool.
- He started it!
No, I started it years ago
in a moment of passion
and I'll end it the same way right here
in front of Brock, H.E.L.P.eR., and God!
Now sit on your hands
and keep your mouths shut!
But now I can't read
my Giant Boy Detective book.
Shouldn't be reading
in a moving vehicle, anyway.
You know it makes you
Good morning, Vent Shuttle Two.
This is control.
Maintain present course
and enjoy the view.
And may I state what an honor it is
to have the illustrious Dr. Venture
Hello?
Should I hold down the little button?
Thank you, Control.
Vent Shuttle Two ready to receive
docking protocol.
And roger that.
I'll leave you in the hands
of Lieutenant Baldavich for that procedure.
Welcome home.
Let's take this slow. It's my first time.
I'll be gentle.
Now, where do you want this hot rocket?
Wow, that's a big one!
Now, ease it in.
Good.
Just like that.
Brock, could we speed this up?
I really have to go number one.
I'm serious.
That's it, keep going.
Slow, slow.
Yes, that's it!
That's a tight fit.
It's like they were made for each other.
That's because they were, because they
were both made by the same guy.
Now, can we finish this up, please?
I'm almost there.
Brace yourself, 'cause it's gonna be
Oh, come on!
Dr. Venture, I presume?
I wish.
That's my man, Brock.
This is quite an honor, Dr. Venture.
I'm Colonel Bud Manstrong,
and this vision is Anna Bal
I mean, Lieutenant Baldavich.
Great. Look, is there some kind
of bathroom you could
Of course, how insensitive of me.
You've had a long journey,
and I'm sure you need to unpack your
extra liquid.
All right, fine.
Let's just get going.
OK, I like that.
Let's get to work.
This way, gentlemen.
Those sure are dandy-fine space suits
you boys got.
It's kinda creepy in here.
And cold.
When it gets cold like this,
I always remember back when I was a
paperboy on this station.
I must have been about your age,
and on a night just like this
one of the crew just suddenly
cracked.
Cool!
He gathered everyone in the hangar
for what he called "movie night."
And under the flickering light
of Burt Reynolds' "Sharky's Machine"
he opened the bay doors.
Almost the whole crew was there,
"Sharky's Machine."
Yep, they say his phantom spirit
still roams these corridors.
Phantom space man!
Right, Dr. Venture?
Whatever.
Look, I'm gonna be honest here.
I really need to take a tinkle.
We're here.
So, what's the problem?
The light went on.
That's helpful.
And that's never happened before.
And then we found this.
So, we called you.
Thought the brainiac son of Dr. Venture
could lick this in a jiffy.
Stand back, everyone!
Let the genius put on the ol' thinking cap.
Flattery will get you everywhere.
- Doc, you OK?
- Yeah! I'm fine.
I was just enjoying
the super freedom of space travel.
You know, testing out
the waste collection pouch.
It really is quite liberating.
What? We're astronauts.
Why is everyone
isn't there something we should be doing?
You heard the man!
Let's scrub this baby down
and give her a good powdering.
Oh, sweet mercy, tell me these suits
have a collection pouch.
It's still on!
Hold on, boys.
Brock! Come in, Brock!
Yeah, what?
How is the cargo bay? Is it broken?
This is a huge waste of time.
These panels have never been opened.
The whole place smells like a new radio.
Fine, just keep checking.
Anything?
No, it's still on.
Do these switches even do anything?
What about now?
It's wait. Wait, it's
On or off?
It's still on.
Anna.
Maybe I'm just a romantic fool spurred on
by the friscalating starlight
but I phoned Mother about us.
I think I may be ready to
I mean
I don't want to rush you into anything.
Rush me? We've been alone
on this station for six years!
Six years of hand-holding,
six years of kisses on cheek,
of love notes in locker
of "I heart Anna"
with that little "T.L.A." thing
drawn on space boot with Sharpie.
What more could a girl want?
- Now?
- Still on.
A problem light. Wow, Dad.
What a super idea!
No, you should always put one of those
on the ninth wonder of the world.
- Anything?
- No.
Now?
What I'm going to ask you
is no small step forward for us.
It's one giant step forward for us-kind.
So, I need to know now if there's
any reason you would not want
Brock!
You won't get off
this easy, Brock Samson.
- It's on.
- It's off.
That's called blinking, boys.
- Anything?
- Now it's just regular on.
Why don't you boys
go help someone else?
Or better,
get me a dry space suit.
Your father's basting in his own juices.
Oh, it got in my gloves.
Oh, dear God.
Great design, Dad.
What a super place
for the gravity button.
Our dad wants a dry space suit.
- What happened?
- Someone opened the bay doors on him.
He should be dead.
Phantom space man!
We gotta warn Dad!
Gonna lie down for a sec.
Too late.
Is he dead?
Can't tell.
Touch his neck.
- You.
- No, I don't wanna.
Holy crap, I think he's really dead!
Why would the phantom space man guy
do this?
Hello, Rusty!
It's time to get up.
Dad?
I think I peed my bed.
Let's go, boy!
That pterodactyl looks mighty hungry!
And I do believe we're on the menu!
Should I hide in a barrel or something?
Hang on, son!
These savages mean business!
Now, grab my hand and hold on tight!
Of course.
Am I a ghost?
Yeah, that's it.
I have come here to show you
the folly of your ways!
Take my hand, and we'll travel to
Come on, Dad!
One, we just proved nobody's
taking anybody's hand here.
And two, you never believed in ghosts.
You were a scientist.
Yeah, that's true. I guess.
I whacked my head
trying to fix your stupid space station.
It's clear you're a traumatic hallucination
made manifest by my hitting my ego.
All right, fine, fine.
But I'm still your father.
What did you do to my space station?
Stop! I'm gonna throw up!
What do we do?
We should look for clues or something.
Now, what would Giant Boy Detective do?
Screw Giant Boy Detective!
His dad's not dead!
That was mine.
This wasn't supposed to happen!
I hate Phantom Space Man!
Oh, my God, why can't you
take the responsibility of your failure?
Because Gargantua-1 is perfect! The
problem has to be your fault.
My fault? "Gargantua-1!"
It's like the worst name
for a space station.
- I thought it cool.
- No, I thought you thought it was cool.
OK, crazy, then by your logic,
you think you broke my space station.
- I've tried everything.
- Are you kidding me?
You were just flipping switches.
Think, think, tiny wonder!
You built this with me,
you should know her inside and out.
I was, like, ten.
I just wanted to play with
my plastic cowboys and Indians.
Who lets a ten-year-old
build a space station?
Nothing.
What are you doing?
Oh, hold on. I have another call.
It was someone trying to fax me.
Anyway
I'm never gonna get used to that.
What? The pain?
It would have killed a lesser man,
but you look spectacular.
Oh, yeah. The pain.
That's not so bad.
I hacked up some blood
a couple of minutes ago.
There was this big chunk
about the size of a
one of those little kiwi fruit
but I don't feel anything missing,
so I'm not too worried.
You are quite a man, Brock Samson.
Is there anything
I can do to help you?
Yeah, you can unzip
your space suit for me.
And, uh
I like it with the helmet on.
Oh, crap!
The door's locked!
If we can't get to Brock, we're goners!
No, wait!
I see him!
And it looks like he's wrestling someone!
Shove over!
Phantom Space Man!
That's it, Brock.
Pace yourself.
Conserve your energy.
What the
What's he doing with his
Think about it, bro.
What other weapon does he have?
He needs his hands free for stuff.
Phantom Space Man
somehow got on top!
That's it, Brocko.
Shake him off!
He's got him on his knees!
Just a matter of time now.
Brock is just toying with him!
Whoa! Pretzel bender!
Brock's gotta teach me that one.
Phantom Space Man got
his helmet knocked off!
Oh, my God, he's hideous!
Must have been deformed by space rays.
Look again, Hank!
That's not a phantom space man,
that's Lieutenant Baldavich!
- That means
- Right?
Phantom Space Man
is still on the loose!
Oh, great, Dad.
Now it's blinking again.
How this thing didn't follow Skylab down,
I'll never know.
Looks like something pierced the hull.
Super-good!
Hey My diet pills!
Where are my diet pills?
Oh, Rusty,
you don't need diet pills!
You just need to work a few things out.
Look who's telling me
this, my dead, twelve-foot-tall father.
I thought I built
a bigger space station than this.
I guess I remember you
always towering over me.
There you are, you little bugger!
Lad, remember,
the solution was in you all the time.
- All you have to do is
- Bye, Dad.
Well, what does it matter anymore?
Dad's dead!
Just because some Phantom Space Man
had to come here and ruin everything!
What did dad ever do
to Phantom Space Man?
Phantom Space Man's a big, fat jerk!
Phantom Space Man!
- I'm gonna kill you!
- Why?
How could you do this?
You good for
We're alone! No!
Kill! Vengeance!
- For what?
- Brock!
- Dear God!
- Freak!
Take it! Die! Die! Die!
So how was he?
- How was who?
- Aw, come on!
I shook his hand!
It's all fat and stubby!
He must have, like, a huge mushroom
down there!
So, does he have a smurf
living in it or what?
- What's gotten into you?
- Got into me?
I know what got into you!
And that's what got into me!
You don't deserve to be jealous!
I gave you every chance in the world!
I'm not jealous! I'm pissed!
You said you were gonna wait till
No! You said we were gonna wait!
I don't have to take this.
That's because you already took it.
In the
lap!
From
not me!
Go, Team Venture.
Attention! There has been a hull breach!
That's Pop! He's alive!
- Danger!
- Daddy?
Brock, come to the bridge immediately!
Pelligro!
I am now repeating,
there has been a hull breach!
This is serious!
Now, what do we have here?
What is this, Tang?
They still smell of my salty leavings.
- Doc?
- What?
Where have you been all day?
There was a little accident in the cargo bay.
No matter. I need you to get
suited up and repair a hole
in this hunk of junk
my dad left to the world.
- Yeah, OK, fine.
- I'm going with him.
It could be
dangerous out there.
Great.
Oh, fine, Dad.
Blame me.
Blame Rusty.
But who's fault is this?
Oh, God, it's mine.
Sir, you have plucked the flower
of the woman I love.
I trust you will do
the right and noble thing.
She will make a fine wife.
Her father invented the "Mr. Mouth" game,
so she's an heiress.
You two should be quite comfortable.
It's really my fault.
I should have been more attentive to her
carnal needs,
but to be fair, I must warn you
if you harm a hair
on her sweet little head, I will
No, wait!
How inappropriate!
Don't do
Wait! Stop! Look!
I fixed it!
- Dad!
- Daddy!
- We thought you were dead!
- You're alive!
OK, boys.
Let's take it easy.
See, crybaby?
Told you he was alive.
Oh, man!
What is it like to be such a huge liar, huh?
"I'm all super-scared
of Phantom Space Man!"
Oh, that's it, bookworm!
Oh, fantastic.
I'll just slip into this little number,
and we can get out of here.
No need to say good-bye.
I'll let them thank me later.
Good Lord, what are you waiting for?
Let me in!
Not until you apologize.
Oh, you're kidding me!
I can't feel my right side!
I'm going to die out here!
I'm waiting.
That's good soup.