Salish & Jordan Matter (2026) s01e03 Episode Script

[Jordan] Today, my daughter, Salish,
attempts to survive 24 hours alone
for the first time ever.
- Again!
- And it drives me crazy.
[screaming] No!
Salish thinks because she's a teenager,
she should be allowed to stay overnight
all by herself in this house.
Yeah, and I don't think
you can stay away a full 24 hours.
We're gonna have a bet.
The first person to give up loses,
and the winner gets the Matter Cup.
It's cringey, but I wanna win
so I don't have to clean
any part of the house for an entire week.
Mom and Hudson are out.
When I go out that door, you're all alone.
- Uh-huh.
- Are you good?
Oh, super scary. Just give this to me.
- You're gonna be quitting.
- I'm not gonna be quitting.
- Are you sure you're gonna be okay?
- Bye!
All right, what do I do first?
I have a great plan.
I'm gonna be minutes away.
I am not coming home.
I want to win the Cup.
Sandy, first you have to come out.
Rohan, Sandy, Del, out.
Everyone out.
Now I'm all alone.
Also, it's a good idea
for her to have some independence.
She's 14. She should be able
to stay overnight on her own.
I know she can handle it.
It's no big deal.
I keep telling myself that,
and I'm gonna believe it.
What could possibly go wrong, right?
I'm a couple of blocks away from my house.
I've got cameras hidden
to keep an eye on her,
but she has absolutely no idea.
My dad is so ridiculous.
He hid cameras everywhere in the house
and expected me
not to notice them. Like, what?
This is Evan, founder of Famous Birthdays.
He's letting me stay here 24 hours
to watch Salish.
Good luck.
My dad can't see me on this camera,
but whenever I'm whispering,
I'm talking to you guys.
When I'm talking really loud,
I want him to hear me
on the other cameras.
[quietly] He has no idea
I can see his cameras.
Look. I mean, that's ridiculous.
That's so easy to find. Look at that.
It's blinking red.
How am I not supposed to see that?
I found one more camera.
It's right there behind this red thing.
It's a really bad place to hide it.
I see the Top Matter trophy.
This is gonna be all mine. I can't wait.
I am currently Top Matter.
I won the last challenge.
I like not having to clean,
and I am not giving it up.
I'm about to set up something huge
for later tonight.
Watch. Hey, I'm all alone all day today.
Can you come over today? Okay, perf.
Did she just invite somebody
over to the house?
Who? You're thinking what I'm thinking.
No. There's no way.
Okay, guys. So do you see this?
We're in my dad's office right now.
It's his Diamond Play Button.
Shouldn't it be mine?
I'm on his channel more than he is.
It's my Diamond Play Button.
I started the channel.
Look at all the smudges on it.
It's really gross.
Since it's mine, I'm gonna clean it.
Wow, this is so heavy.
I hope I don't drop it.
Why is she carrying
my Play Button to the bathroom?
[whispering] I'm gonna switch this
with something called breakaway glass.
I found it in the garage.
My dad is gonna think
I'm dropping the Play Button.
I can't tell. Is she cleaning it?
This is the fake glass.
It's really light and made out of sugar.
Does it taste like sugar?
Nope. Let's go prank my dad.
This is really heavy.
I don't know if I can get-- [screaming]
Oh!
[slow-motion screaming] Oh, my…
Oh, no.
She broke my Diamond Play Button.
- Oh, wow.
- [shouting] Dude!
Oh, no. My dad is gonna be so mad.
Oh, man! What?
I broke his Diamond Play But…
I mean, it is technically
my Diamond Play Button.
Meh. Whoopsies.
[glass crunching]
I might just go back, actually.
She could break anything in the house.
Maybe I should just go back.
She's out of control.
She cannot be alone.
If I go home, I lose.
If I stay here, I win.
But she's gonna wreck the house.
[chuckling] What is that?
What are my two choices?
I did make a mess. I'm gonna clean.
I don't feel like the dustpan,
so I'm gonna put it under my dad's desk.
But first, some ASMR.
[glass crunching]
[glass continues crunching]
She's stomping the glass!
What is she doing?
It's really sticky.
She would feel so bad if she did this.
I know her. She's a good kid.
This would make her feel so bad.
I thought she was gonna call.
I didn't think she was gonna have
the time of her life.
If you think this is bad, wait until
you see what she does after dark.
[screaming]
She's disappeared in her room.
I don't know what she's doing.
I need to eat.
I know my dad hid cameras
everywhere in the house,
but not in my room, obviously,
so this is where I can talk to you.
Since he's watching me, I'm gonna do
stuff I wouldn't normally do
and see if it drives him crazy.
Once he can't take it, he'll come home,
and I will win the Matter cup.
Sorry if I sound weird today,
but my allergies are really bad.
My dad hates it when I put
my feet on the couch.
Is this how she is when we're not home?
What do you think I should do today?
Give me ideas. I'm starving.
I'm going to 7-Eleven
to get my food for the day.
No. She's a healthy kid.
She's not going to 7-Eleven
to get food. Is she?
I really want coffee.
Coffee? She's getting a coffee
at 7-Eleven?
I don't really like 7-Eleven,
but I think it will drive him crazy,
so I'm gonna eat it all day.
7-Eleven's around the corner.
She'll be back in five minutes.
OMG. I thought for a second
my dad was also here.
I have five minutes to get everything
I'm gonna eat in 7-Eleven.
This is a challenge I've wanted to try.
Can I eat healthy at 7-Eleven? Let's see.
A Green Machine, maybe? Looks healthy.
And obviously, my coffee.
How else can I eat healthy at 7-Eleven?
All righty.
She's not back yet.
[fire roaring]
Gum, so I have good breath.
They have healthy snacks here.
String cheese, fruit, a protein bar,
definitely pretzels
to go with the string cheese.
Maybe this?
Extra blast. Whatever.
I'm gonna get a million chips
'cause guys, I need my dad to come home.
I need to drive him crazy.
Let's get some candy.
She's going to 7-Eleven.
She's gonna get junk food, drink coffee.
I don't know who this kid is.
None of this, obviously,
because I'm a vegetarian.
I'm gonna get these for my brother
when he comes back home.
All right. It's been 20 minutes.
She's not back. I'm not panicking.
Yeah, a little bit.
The point of a camera is
so I can keep an eye on her.
Her leaving, I can't.
There's so many flavors of ice cream.
But I think I'm gonna get
this huge tub of it.
Perfect. Wait until you see what I do.
It's gonna be funny.
I have things
that are gonna drive my dad crazy.
But first, I'm gonna eat
junk food for 24 hours.
He's gonna be so mad at me.
[tapping]
It's gonna be a long day.
Jordan, you need to take a chill.
Let's go for a walk.
- I can't.
- [Evan] Just five minutes.
What can happen in five minutes?
What if we get stuck in the elevator?
[Evan] Everything's great.
She's gonna be okay.
I just turned my stairs into a slide.
My dad is not gonna be happy about this.
When I asked Evan if I could come,
he said, "Yeah, I've got lunch."
That's lunch. Woo-hoo. So what's she…
[screaming]
Is she sledding down the stairs?
[giggling]
Whoa! That's actually
kind of dangerous, Say!
- This is so fun.
- That actually looks like a lot of fun.
I'd love to be there doing that with her,
but alone?
Do you do this in your house?
I'm not allowed to, but today I am.
In case you're wondering
why I care and not going home,
it's 'cause the loser has to clean up
for the next two weeks.
I hate cleaning.
There's security cameras.
I am protective.
I could be there in two minutes.
Whoa!
That's so fun.
If you think that was crazy,
I've got an even better idea.
Okay, let's do this.
I'm scared.
[screaming]
Woo! Now we've got a stair tunnel.
Made it into a tunnel now?
Whoa!
[screaming]
Oh! Is she okay?
- Again!
- She's okay.
This is wearing me out.
I wanna hide under the table.
Are you gonna put a stop to this?
I can't. If I go, I lose.
Whoa! Ah!
[giggling] That's fun.
Now it's time to try
all the 7-Eleven things.
Is she gonna eat junk food all day?
First, it's like Pirate Booty,
but with extra cheddar.
Let's try it.
Hmm! Pretty good! I think I'm gonna eat
the entire package of this.
Entire package of… What are those things?
Okay.
Meh. I don't have to clean it.
There's crumbs everywhere.
You gotta clean that up.
Is she drinking coffee?
I love coffee,
and my dad never lets me have it,
but today I have it!
- I should get ten more of these, right?
- How much coffee is she gonna drink?
Pretty good. Lots of sugar and caffeine.
I'm gonna be staying up all night. Woo!
She has gymnastics in the morning.
She's gonna be exhausted.
Let's have a smoothie
'cause I have to be a little bit healthy.
- Okay.
- Yum.
I'm not gonna have too much.
I don't wanna be healthy today.
Let's try caramel M&M's.
Never had the caramel flavor.
Pretty good. I'm gonna save this.
This is all I'm eating today.
Who is this? She keeps saying
all she's gonna eat is junk.
Don't tell Hudson I'm having these
'cause I got them for him.
More junk? Are you kidding?
Ew. The peanut ones get five.
Caramel ones get an eight.
These get a 9.5
'cause they're actually good.
This gets a 10. This gets a 10.
Pretzels. String cheese to go with it.
Perfect.
That's good. I'm gonna give this an 8.5.
I got these. Oh no. I hate peanut butter.
I gotta get my protein in.
When you're shopping at 7-Eleven,
you do not have many choices.
What'd she eat? That'll teach you.
Don't eat at 7-Eleven.
I do not recommend this. Negative 100.
It annoys my dad so much
when I'm filming with gum in my mouth.
He actually hates it.
She's vlogging this
and chewing gum while she's doing it?
Ah!
I'm gonna save these for later.
And there's my 7-Eleven haul.
I have to show you something.
I've got a lot of people coming over.
Did she say she has
a lot of people coming?
These pictures are proof
Hudson is the favorite child.
She has this thing about Hudson
being the favorite.
It's not true.
Hudson and my mom are just together,
and there I am.
It's like, "Hello? I'm over here."
I'm not there.
Look. I'm sitting all by myself here.
I've told her 1,000 times
he's not the favorite child.
Here, I'm just hovering over them.
Then here, I'm also hovering.
- Ah!
- [clanging]
Oops. I gotta put that together.
Actually, I'll leave it.
Did she break the frame,
and she's not cleaning it up? No.
I'm gonna turn this entire place
into an ice cream stand.
I think I heard ice cream.
Neighbors, ice cream!
I'm gonna be needing these shirts.
Why is she carrying…
Did she dump my T-shirts over the balcony?
Why would she?
I'm gonna show how I'm gonna prank.
What's she doing?
I have a bunch of his T-shirts,
all of his T-shirts,
'cause all he wears is black T-shirts.
I just taped Team Salish
on each one of them
so people will get ice cream and a shirt
that says Team Salish. Perfect.
And look, guys,
I took my brother's ice cream cone
because he was gonna use it as a prop
for a video and never used it.
So it's mine now. Sorry, Hudson.
What is she doing?
We're gonna need some cones.
Now some toppings.
Do you guys like caramel or chocolate
in your ice cream?
I don't like either.
Next is peanuts, and I've never tried
peanuts in my ice cream.
She's setting up an ice cream stand?
Now we have a different kind of cone
in case people wanna switch it up.
And I got three types of ice cream.
Chocolate, then caramel,
and simple vanilla.
We're gonna need some decoration
to make it pop.
I'm gonna get started on my signs.
I'm gonna pretend I'm charging
'cause my dad would hate if I charged.
Okay, ten dollars for an ice cream sundae.
There is no way she invited our neighbors
and is making them pay for ice cream.
The neighbors are all
obviously gonna give his T-shirts back,
but he doesn't know that.
I think I have a future in art school.
Look at that.
We have our all three flavors of ice cream
with our little scooper.
Then we have our cones, our bowl cones,
and then caramel, chocolate,
rainbow, sprinkles, and cherries.
Team Salish shirts.
I'm Team Salish, so I'm wearing one.
We have this thing that says
"Say Say ice cream," then our menu.
So perfect. Hi, everybody!
Line up for ice cream.
Okay, everything is ten dollars.
Pick what you want.
Ten neighbors that came over,
and she's charging them for ice cream?
Can I get vanilla bean, please?
Of course. You also have to get
a special shirt, okay?
This is your very own Team Salish shirt.
Here you go.
Thank you.
It might smell bad
because my dad wears them, but…
- Thank you.
- No problem.
Those are my T-shirts.
Does that say Team Salish?
Oh! Why are you giving away my T-shirts?
- Thank you.
- No problem.
[loudly] No, she's not doing that.
I'm gonna look back,
and she's not doing what I think.
Yep, she's doing it!
- This is yours to keep.
- Thank you.
You have it forever. What can I get you?
Vanilla bean.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
I'm gonna give this back to them.
Can I get a caramel brownie
in a cup with chocolate drizzle?
Yeah, of course.
- Thank you. Can I get a spoon too?
- Yeah.
Perfect.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
Wow, I'm making so much money
on my neighbors.
This isn't okay. I'm calling a neighbor.
Hey, it's Jordan from next door.
Did you get ice cream from my daughter?
Like an invite to get ice cream?
My daughter and I,
we headed over there and got--
- cool.
- …the best ice cream we've had.
- She didn't charge you, did she?
- Yeah, she did, actually.
- Okay. Did she give you a T-shirt?
- Yeah, we got a couple T-shirts.
We're Team Salish.
[snorting]
I'll get you the ten bucks back.
I might wanna get my T-shirt back.
Don't worry. We'll keep the T-shirts.
I wanna give her a lecture,
but how did I know?
They're hidden cameras,
and she doesn't know.
You know how badly
I wanna call her right now?
We made a deal.
If we call each other, we lose.
I can't call her. We're gonna have a talk.
People can wait a minute.
My dad hates when I make people wait.
So I'll make them wait.
Trampoline break!
[upbeat rock music]
She's leaving our neighbors waiting.
She is not on a trampoline right now
when people are waiting!
What is going on?
Let's do a backflip. Three, two, one.
Did you see it?
That was my backflip of the day.
What is she up to?
Okay. Thank you.
Thank you. It looks so yummy.
Thank you.
- Team Salish!
- Team Salish!
- Woo!
- Oh, yeah.
You can be Team Salish,
but I'm staying here all night,
and you're losing the cup.
[upbeat rock music continues]
She's laying in my bed with shoes on?
[packet crinkling]
She's dumping chips all over my bed.
She's laying in my… Okay.
She's eating snacks in my bed
with her shoes on.
I'm not a total neat freak,
but this is driving me crazy.
There's gonna be crumbs in my bed.
I hate making messes,
but I had to
because I need him to come home.
Watching a movie,
eating my snacks, living my best life.
Let's see what horror movies
are on Netflix.
Doorbell rang.
Maybe this is the person she invited.
- Hey!
- Hi!
- How's it going?
- Good!
Nastya? What?
I thought she lived in Florida.
I brought 20,000 balls.
Oh, perfect!
Are those crates in the yard?
I'm so confused.
Why is she carrying balls?
Yes. Perfect!
There's balls all over the ground?
This is Nastya. Do you know
why you're in this secret room?
No.
Because my dad has so many hidden cameras
all around the house,
and this is the only place
there aren't any.
- So this is like our base, okay?
- Okay.
What are they doing?
- So you brought 20,000 balls, right?
- Mm-hmm.
Wait until you see
what we transformed into a ball pit.
First, let's go watch a movie,
but wait till you see what.
It's gonna drive him crazy.
Okay, let's go.
There are no cameras in here either.
I hate messes,
but we're gonna have to make one
to drive my dad crazy.
- Yeah.
- Get the popcorn.
- Okay.
- Come on.
Okay, this is actually sweet.
Nastya's a good kid.
She has her over.
I guess they're making something?
- Nastya, there's a camera there, see?
- Yeah.
I hate doing this.
Nastya, this is gonna drive my dad crazy.
Looks like popcorn, maybe?
No, you put it in a pot with a top on it.
That's a lot.
Don't you think the popcorn needs a top?
- Nah.
- It's gonna pop everywhere!
You know that.
You've made popcorn a thousand times.
While we're waiting,
let's make our movie theater.
They're leaving. They're using a skillet,
no open flame, so it's not dangerous.
It's gonna pop everywhere.
We're in the pantry to make sure
the popcorn doesn't burn down the house.
Yeah.
But my dad does not know that.
- Oh, it's going crazy.
- Yeah.
- It's going everywhere.
- Yeah.
[popping]
It's making a mess. I hate messes.
Obviously, we're gonna clean up
once he gives up and comes home.
- I'm gonna be Top Matter tonight.
- Yeah.
It's gonna be a long night.
I don't get to eat burgers
a lot with Salish,
so the one advantage to not being
with her is I get to eat meat.
Yum. I wonder what she's doing.
We are gonna make
the most awesome outdoor movie theater.
- Let's go!
- Okay, let's go.
We need snacks, and we need
pillows and stuff to make a fort.
This is gonna be so cool.
We need this one.
We have a ton more in the closet.
Throw these over.
They're wrecking the house.
They're throwing pillows,
balls everywhere.
Now we need candy, snacks, all that stuff.
- Do you like these?
- Yeah, I love those.
- Okay, what about these?
- Hmm, yeah.
- What about chips?
- Yeah.
Perfect, let's go.
Now let's get stuff from the garage.
We have a big rug and pink!
Put it right there.
They're building in the backyard?
[popping]
Popcorn is popping.
If her mom sees this,
she will go totally crazy.
She's more of a neat freak than Salish.
I have no idea who my daughter is.
Right here.
Perfect. It looks so good already.
We need some lights out here
to make it look a little brighter.
One right here.
And let's put…
Perfect. Now let's grab the last thing.
They're setting up for a movie,
but there's no screen.
[popping]
The popcorn's popping everywhere.
We need candy, obviously.
I love candy.
We made the most awesome
outdoor movie theater!
Let me show you. This looks so good.
We've got candy over there.
We've got these lights.
Then we've got pillows and extra blankets.
That projector was in the room.
That's why they went to the room.
That's really cool.
Why have I never done this for her?
This looks like fun.
Do your parents let you
watch scary movies?
Yes.
This is gonna drive him crazy.
- I'm sure he's gonna quit after.
- Mm-hmm.
This is so awesome. We get to watch
all these movies and annoy my dad.
Wait, I forgot my DoorDash!
Ta-da!
Got it. As much pizza as you can imagine.
What flavor do you want?
Did they order ten pizzas on DoorDash?
She's eating junk food
and five pizza pies?
- [giggling]
- Yum!
- Cheers.
- Cheers!
As long as they're not watching
a scary movie.
I feel like that--
My God, I wasn't prepared for that.
They're watching scary movies.
You know what? I'm out of here.
Nope, I'm not. I can't lose.
She loves horror movies,
but she doesn't like to be alone after.
She's gonna call me
once this movie's over.
[screaming]
[nervous giggling]
- [nervous giggling]
- [screaming]
Oh my gosh, this is really scary.
[screaming]
This is really scary,
but do you wanna see something scarier?
Yeah.
- They're gonna watch something scarier?
- Oh, wow.
Oh, Queen!
That's so funny. [giggling]
This is really funny.
No, they're watching me. No.
Say, turn it off. This is embarrassing.
I did that five years ago.
This is so embarrassing.
I had to. I got a million subscribers.
I said I would wear a tutu
and a Leo if I did,
but I never ever looked at it again
because it's so embarrassing.
I'm really excited
to introduce the timers today.
My proud children, Hudson and Salish.
Ah! No, that's scary!
OMG, this is so cringey. I can't.
Turn it off, Say, please!
Oh, she's driving me crazy!
- Nastya, don't watch.
- Uh-uh!
OMG, no! [laughing]
[Jordan] I'm leaving. I'm done.
Evan. I'm out of here.
Actually, no. I can't do it.
Ah! I don't wanna do it!
[screaming]
[laughing]
I cannot watch him anymore.
He's too cringey.
- Are you ready to go make a ball pit?
- Yeah.
- You know how we had a dog house here?
- Yeah.
Boomer loved it,
but so did a bunch of skunks,
so we had to get rid of it.
This is 20,000 balls,
and we're gonna fill my dad's office.
It's gonna be crazy.
He's gonna be so mad.
- I think this might get him to quit.
- Mm-hmm.
What are those bins?
There's like 50 bins in our house.
Why are they moving my couch?
Okay.
Let's pour our first batch of colors in.
No way she actually just did that!
Ninety-nine of these more to go.
They're going to make a ball pit?
All my stuff is there.
Nastya, where did you get all these balls?
It's a secret.
Oh, okay. Pour!
- This is gonna be so awesome.
- Yeah.
They just keep dumping.
They got thousands.
Not too bad.
[Nastya] There's so many balls.
This is awesome,
and we still have so many more to dump.
[Nastya] Hey!
How many… What'd they get, thousands?
And this is… [shouting] Just stop
pouring balls in my office!
This is so cool.
There are so many balls.
One, two.
Don't jump!
Whoa!
I don't know how we're gonna get
these balls out.
I think something's lost in here.
Oh! My trophy! This is gonna be mine soon.
They're throwing them everywhere!
This is 20,000 balls. I don't know how
we're gonna get them out.
- Maybe we leave them.
- Yeah.
Okay, fine, I quit. I'm going.
[sighing] No, I can't do it.
When you're done in here,
do you wanna go make s'mores?
- Yeah.
- Great.
Let's make a fire
in the backyard to cook the s'mores.
She said make a fire in the backyard?
Okay, I'm gonna go get stuff for the fire.
I'll be there in one minute.
I don't know what to do.
She's gonna make a fire?
No. I got to go.
I have a feeling that this is gonna be
mine any minute now.
No, no, no! Ah!
Do not burn the house down.
Ah! I'm almost home. Let's take it easy.
Let's breathe. Let's chill.
- What did you do?
- What?
My whole office!
Wait, is there a bonfire? What?
Whoa, wait! Dad! You fell for it?
- Fell for what?
- I knew you would do it.
Now I'm Top Matter, finally!
Did you know I was watching you?
Obviously. There are 100 cameras around.
Wait, you saw those cameras?
- Yes.
- Whoa!
- You pranked me this whole time?
- Yeah.
[laughing] Oh, no!
Well, say goodbye to this,
and good luck cleaning up.
Oh, God! What do you mean, cleaning up?
You know the rules. Being top Matter,
you don't have to clean for a week.
- What?
- Nastya, do not make that fire!
How did she know I was…
Oh, that's so obvious.
She knew the whole time?
Rohan! I'm not cleaning this.
- I quit.
- Hey.
I heard you've lost Top Matter.
Whoa! This is awesome!
Why don't you play, then help me clean?
I have a super important business call.
- You're not gonna help?
- Nope.
- Is that supposed to be a hidden camera?
- It wasn't well hidden.
I know. Oh, you…
Oh!
Okay, I quit.
[crashing]