The Rockford Files (1974) s01e03 Episode Script
The Countess
1
Come on, what are you afraid of?
You wanna move in on me?
You guys aren't cops?
Not hardly.
You gotta trust somebody.
And you're applying
for the job?
There was a man killed down at the
beach and I was chasing the killer.
On the ground, now.
How are you feeling,
Mr. Rockford?
Tell you the truth,
I'm scared to death.
This is Jim Rockford,
At the tone,
leave your name and message.
I'll get back to you.
Hey, Rockford, very
funny, I ain't laughing,
You're gonna get yours,
How much further, miss?
About a mile more, I think.
This is along way
in the middle of nowhere.
You just want me to drop you?
If you don't mind.
I don't mind, honey.
By the way, I'm a Scorpio,
with Pisces ascending.
How nice for you.
Yeah, it is.
Scorpios are lucky at love,
you know.
Luck has nothing
to do with it.
Pull up right there
in that clearing, please.
Why, Countess,
you look lovely.
You know, we're going to have
to stop meeting like this.
You're not amusing, Carl.
When you come on, you just get slightly
more vulgar, if that's possible.
Another rejection.
You know, if I keep this up, I'm just
liable to plunge myself into analysis.
Let's hope so.
May I?
What do we have
A tape recorder.
Surprise, surprise.
Here you are.
Thank you.
You know, I get a big kick out of
you, Countess.
You don't know
how much that pleases me.
Yeah, you have this dangerous
tendency to underrate people.
I guess it comes from hanging outwith
too many phonies and socialites.
Not like in Chicago.
Back then, you were streetwise.
You wouldn't have pulled
a dumb trick like this.
You got some guy in the bushes
with a high-speed camera?
Sound, lights, camera, action?
Cute and kind of sweet
in a stupid way.
You work so hard at being Cary Grant.
Life just isn't that fascinating.
And who'd know better
than you?
Okay, Countess, you wanna talk,
we'll talk, but not out here.
You wanna talk, we'll go
in my car. It's not wired.
Come on.
What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
What was that?
It was a cop.
He caught me in a fire hazard area.
Couldn't go through
that again.
Just sitting in the same car
with him made my flesh crawl.
We didn't get enough, did we?
No. Now we need
the soundtrack.
Look at that. I haven't been that
nervous since I left Chicago.
You certainly reduce things to
their lowest common denominator.
It's a plastic world.
If you don't like it that way
I can give it to you
in a cheese glass, Countess.
My name is Deborah Ryder.
Let's add it up.
I talked to a friend of mine.
He used to work with him back East.
The rumor is that he's got nine
scalps hanging from his belt.
If I'm gonna stay involved
you're gonna have to keep me better
informed about what's going on.
You know all you need to know.
I'm being blackmailed.
I need some help
in getting rid of the man.
You surely don't expect me to
tell you what he's got on me.
That would be stupid.
I just might wind up with two
blackmailers instead of one.
When were you in Chicago?
You never told me that.
Is that where you knew Carl?
I think I've had enough
for today.
If you'll just tell me what's going
on, maybe I can tie a can to his tail.
I need that much leverage to make it work.
You've got to trust somebody.
And you're applying
for the job? How sweet.
Try that one.
You know,
Arnold thinks that
we should spend
the whole season in Europe
and I'm beginning to think
he's right.
We did get to know
quite a few titled people
and LA is getting quite tacky.
Did you meet the Countess
in Europe?
I met her at Marineland.
How strange.
I run the hot dog concession
next to the killer whale exhibit.
The Countess loves my foot-longs.
I make them great.
Lots of chili and hot mustard.
I have a secret, you know.
I precook the hot dogs
then I wrap them
in cellophane.
That's the secret. Cellophane.
Keeps them from getting tough.
Would you excuse me?
Yes.
You're Jim
Rockford, aren't you?
The Countess told me
all about you. I'm Mike Ryder.
Hi, Mike. It's a nice party.
If you want my opinion, they're a
bunch of social-climbing creeps
but it fills up the place,
so what's the difference?
Who's the one cavorting
in the pool?
That's Carl Brego,
land development syndicator.
Countess says
she knew you in school.
Yeah, right. School.
Then you knew her
before she was a countess.
Yeah. Well,
it's kind of hard
to get used to calling
her that, the Countess.
She doesn't like to be called
the Countess.
When she married me, she lost her title.
She wants to be called Mrs. Ryder.
Look at that.
That's Sally Norris.
Her daddy's a big investor
in one of my oil fields.
She's only 17.
I got half a mind to go over there
and hand that big ape his head.
He looks like
he might be hard to take.
I saw him go after
a guy at a party once.
He pretends to shake your hand and
then tries to kick your kneecap off.
Excuse me,
I'm gonna break that up.
You were right, you know.
I first met Carl Brego
in Chicago 15 years ago.
Even then
you could tell he was crazy.
I was 18, fresh off the bus
from southern Illinois.
Got a job in a restaurant.
Didn't know it, but the mob used
the place as a numbers drop.
Carl Brego was the bagman.
He used to come in every day at
noon and pick up an order to go.
You thought he was picking up
tuna sandwiches for his boss?
Then I met a man who was
handsome, sophisticated.
I fell madly in love.
Same old story.
He was a roper
for the syndicate.
He didn't care anything about
me, except as merchandise.
Later on, I found out it was
Carl Brego who'd teed me up.
Are you following me?
Yeah.
Three years later I was
arrested by the Chicago police.
I got out on bail
and I was so scared
that I'd go to jail, I ran.
I had a friend who helped me get
a passport under a different name.
Changed my appearance,
lost 15 pounds, went to Europe.
And then I met Count Bertoli
and he married me.
And there I was,
La Contessa Bertoli,
Anyway, after the Count died,
I met Mike in Florence.
He was like
a breath of fresh air.
We were married,
and we came back here.
One day, at a party
in Bet Air
two months ago,
there was Carl Brego.
Did he approach you right off?
He didn't recognize me.
I could tell he was troubled about it.
And then, a month later,
he must have put it all together
because I met him at another
party and he asked me to dance.
While we were on the
dance floor, he began
to whisper profanities
into my ear.
He must have some kind of connection
with the Chicago police force
because he's got a Xerox of my whole file.
He showed it to me.
I think you should tell Mike.
I think he can stand it.
Mike was born in a hovel.
He never made it past the fifth grade.
He made a fortune
and he married a countess.
That's not why he married me,
but it's important to him.
I would like to save that
for him.
And maybe save it
for yourself, too?
I think I like you.
You certainly aren't impressed by
the fact that I once had a title.
I knew a guy a while back.
He was a torpedo
for the mob
and he had little
business cards printed up
and on it,
it said "independent contractor"
and then his name,
and under that it said "hit man."
That's really the only title
that ever impressed me.
Now, you're just a girl
from southern Illinois
and if you want,
I'll try and help you.
The Sewards aren't here.
I'm renting.
I said--
I heard what you said, Carl.
Have we met before, sport?
No.
Who is it, Carl?
Shut up, Leah.
Look, you got some business with me,
or you just looking in the window?
I got a message from the Countess.
Oh, yeah? What's that?
You don't wanna talk in front of Leah,
sport. I'm gonna make you look bad.
Is that so?
Well, won't be the first time.
Where are you going, Carl?
Okay, friend,
what's the message?
Well, I'll tell you, Carl.
It's like this.
I'm taking over the account.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
I know about
the Countess and Chicago.
I'm running a little low on funds,
so I'll start squeezing her myself.
So I thought maybe you and I should
have a little understanding
clear the decks first.
See, I don't like
getting bumped in the curves.
So, if I see you
hanging around her again
I'm gonna come down here and
pound your mouth full of sand
and drop you off
the end of the pier.
Hey, pal, slow down.
What are you getting all excited about?
I don't know what you're talking
about, I really don't.
I've also got you
on videotape.
Like a screen test, kind of?
Yeah, sort of.
And what happens if I tell you
to shinny up a rope?
The videotape goes
to the cops.
It seems to me that it would
put you out of business, too.
I'm reckless.
I like you, sport.
You got guts.
I've also got
the Countess concession.
Right. You got it.
Hey, be my guest.
See, I was only shaking
her down for the fun of it.
You know, I kind of like to see her squirm.
She's a phony.
Listen, you got my blessings.
You know what? I hope you jerk her under.
Okay, you're through,
hot shot. Come on.
You want some? Come on.
You want a little bit?
Come on, you wanna move in on me?
Come on, now.
Here we go. Don't be afraid.
How about that?
Okay, mister, on the ground.
There was a man killed down at the
beach and I was chasing the killer.
On the ground, now.
I told you, I was chasing
the guy that killed him.
1-Mary-10 to Control.
I have your 157 suspect
in custody.
Send a backup
and put out a Code 4.
A 157?
What are you talking about?
I didn't kill anybody.
I told you, I was chasing the guy.
He was driving a white Porsche.
He did the killing.
I got a Lieutenant coming.
You can tell him.
Well?
That's the man.
He's the one
we saw at the beach.
I was on the beach. I saw these
people, but I didn't kill anybody.
Listen, you knock it off for a minute.
You'll get your chance.
Is there anything else?
It did look like they were fighting.
Oh, yeah?
How about that?
Lieutenant, if you just
ask them about the rifle
we can clear this thing
up in a hurry.
I wanna know if you were fighting
with Brego when he got killed.
Yeah, sort of.
Sort of?
Okay, I was fighting with him,
but I wasn't trying to kill him.
He was a very dangerous man.
We got a file on Brego two inches thick.
Brego was a flip-top.
If you were fighting,
you can bet he was trying to kill you.
He'd have caved your head in
and sent you out with the tide.
He was shot
with a rifle from a cliff.
I saw these people,
but I wasn't carrying a rifle.
Did he have a rifle?
No.
Did he have a pistol?
He could have.
As a matter of fact,
he did have something in his hand.
He was shot with a rifle.
I didn't have a rifle.
Now, I wanna get out of here.
According to the coroner,
he was shot
with a 7.65 mm slug.
It could have come out of anything.
A rifle, a pistol.
Of course,
there's no way of telling
'cause the slug was a dumdum
and it's in a hundred pieces.
Where's my lawyer?
Is Rockford's attorney
out there yet?
Not yet, sir,
Nope.
Thanks very much
for coming in.
Just down the hallway
and to the left.
Doesn't look good,
Mr. Rockford.
No, sir, it doesn't look good
at all.
You got a right to consult with your
attorney, but I got a suggestion.
Well, let me guess.
If I confess,
you'll get me off with 20 to life
and then you'll make sure that the
warden puts me in a cell with color TV.
Tell you what. I'll call the DA in
here, and we'll settle this quick.
You were fighting with Brego.
Brego pulled a piece
you took it away from him,
the gun went off.
Involuntary manslaughter.
We plead it before a judge.
You end up maybe doing a year,
county time.
Come on, Lieutenant.
I didn't come down with yesterday's rain.
You got a very creaky case
here, all of it circumstantial.
You don't have a motive
and those two old people aren't
gonna make good witnesses.
A good attorney could blow
them off in 10 minutes.
You yard bird lawyers
really hand me a laugh.
I told you
I got a call from Brego.
He didn't give me his name on the
phone, but he wanted to retain me.
So I went down to the beach
to meet him.
When I got there, I knew who he was
and told him I didn't work for hoods.
So he blew his stack
and started swinging.
Next thing I knew,
there was a shot and he went down.
You're crud, Rockford.
You know it and I know it.
You got a record
and you done time.
The courts ain't gonna waste
much time with you.
You're gonna get down
the chute in a hurry.
Let's go.
Where have you been, Beth?
I was in court,
filing a report on a felony, hit-and-run.
I got here as fast as I could.
I'm gonna turn him over to the jailer.
You can talk to him there.
Hold on a second, Lieutenant.
Let me finish this A.R. report.
This is all you have?
Okay, Lieutenant
I haven't spoken to my client yet,
but I think you can ease off a little.
Is that so, honey?
I'm an attorney,
Lieutenant Diel.
I expect to be treated
as such.
My name is Ms. Davenport.
You call me "honey" again,
you'll hear about it from your captain.
I'm still gonna book this jailbird.
For what?
Material witness, for now.
No, you're not.
You're gonna book him for murder one.
Beth.
Shut up, Jim.
Look, I'm gonna book--
You want him as a witness.
He'll stipulate to that and I'll
guarantee his presence in court
if this thing
ever gets to court.
Carl Brego was a hoodlum.
You and I both know he was
probably killed by the underworld.
But if you book
Mr. Rockford
as a material witness
under these circumstances
I'm going to bring action against you
and this department for harassment
and you will end up
getting your next promotion
around the
turn of the century.
Wait here a minute.
Beth, murder one?
Are you nuts?
You gotta push them.
I don't think they can make it,
and it's the only charge they have.
We'll see.
Isn't that a little dangerous?
Yes.
All right, Ms. Davenport.
We're not gonna book him yet.
Come on, Jim. Let's go.
I'm gonna be
on you like a bad case of flu.
You get even close to an airport or bus
station and you're gonna be in here
reading the graffiti.
What about the girl, Leah?
If the cops turn her up,
she could be a problem for you
especially if she heard
you threaten him.
Let's just hope
they don't find her.
You're parked in a red zone.
I always do that.
They never give tickets in
front of the police station.
It's a psychological
neutral zone.
I gotta get a new attorney.
What do you mean?
You're out, aren't you?
But you haven't thrown
the hook yet.
Diel isn't sure about you.
He'd like it to be you
because that would be easy
and satisfy his tidiness urge.
He's got a case,
but it's not good enough.
He'll never get a booking
with it, but it's close.
So, all he's got to do is to get
Mr. and Mrs What's their name?
Tibbett.
Tibbett.
To say that they saw you
with a gun in your hand.
Then there's also the possibility
that whoever really killed him
Jim?
Yeah.
Did you kill him?
That's just great.
What is that?
Kind of an afterthought?
I'm sorry, it's just a
routine attorney's question.
There's the possibility that
whoever really killed him
is gonna pony up a fake witness
against you, just to clear the books.
You have
any more comforting thoughts?
I've gotta get back to court.
I'll call you tonight.
Thanks for fitting me in, Beth.
I really appreciate it.
Countess, I want
to talk to you.
Just a minute, Jim. I've only got five
minutes left of my lesson. Okay, Terry
Now.
You heard the Countess, buddy.
This can't wait.
If the Countess says five
minutes, it can wait five minutes.
All right, I don't want to interrupt.
You go ahead and play, and I'll talk.
The cops think
I killed Carl Brego.
He was shot dead on the beach
about four hours ago.
Course, I didn't kill him, but since
you're the one that sent me to meet him
I just have to think that you were
trying to set me up to take a murder rap.
Terry, would you excuse us, please?
Who is this guy?
No, go ahead and finish your lesson.
I hate to interrupt.
Terry, you can go now.
That's all for today.
Are you okay, Countess?
You want,
I can run this guy off.
I wouldn't try it, Terry.
I'm in a bad mood today.
I'm liable to make you eat the
tennis balls in that basket.
Now, you gather the rest
of your things and scoot.
What do you mean,
"Carl's dead"?
You know he's dead. You sent me
down there to get nominated for it.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
That frame wasn't quite tight enough.
I managed to squeeze out from under it.
But I'm walking around
on a very thin pass.
Jim, you didn't-- Tell the
police about you? No. Not yet.
I'm on my way down there now.
I'm gonna give you about a
minute and a half, Countess
to convince me
you didn't set me up.
But I'm warning you
you better make it good
'cause I'm not working for you
now, I'm working for me.
All right.
Just give me a minute.
I need time to think.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I'll see you, Countess.
Please. Look,
I didn't set you up.
You promised me you wouldn't
tell anybody about Chicago.
You gave me your word,
or I wouldn't have told you.
I said I'd protect you
if you didn't lie to me.
I didn't lie to you.
Carl's death is a shock to me.
I swear to you that
I had nothing to do with it.
Come on, you're gonna have
to do better than that.
And the police
won't believe you either
particularly when I tell them
that your motive was blackmail.
No, your best bet to stay out of
prison is to plead temporary insanity.
Who knows, you may get lucky.
They'll toss you in one of
those head-basket wards.
I'll deny it.
With Carl dead, there's no way to prove
anything. They'll never believe you.
Come on, honey,
I got you on videotape.
Remember? Carl taking the
purse from you, all that?
Please wait. Listen.
I'll buy the tape.
I'll pay you.
I'll pay you anything
you want.
All right. How about $100,000?
I really misjudged you,
didn't I?
You crawled out
from under a rock.
You see, I've got this little problem.
Every time I get indicted for murder
I seem to lose all my manners.
All right.
I'll raise the money somehow.
But you've got to promise me to give me
the videotapes and keep your mouth shut.
You will?
I said I'd pay you.
I don't have the videotapes anymore.
Somebody erased them.
I thought it was you,
but I guess it wasn't.
I told you the truth.
Now you have to keep
your promise, too.
I just don't know where to go now.
I thought it was a gang killing.
Do you know 3 gm
by the name of Leah?
No.
I might find out something
from her about Carl.
He was living with her, dating
her, something. I don't know.
You'll keep your promise?
You won't tell the police?
Let me put it
this way, Debbie.
I'm never too sure just how
much character I've got.
In a pinch,
I start groping for alternatives.
I'll probably sell you out
before I take a rap for murder.
If you can help me, you'd better get your
little coffee can and start bailing
'cause if I go down,
you go down.
Chivalry is really dead, isn't it?
I know.
Becker,
Hey, Dennis, Jim Rockford.
Say, Jim, how you been?
Heard you got into a little
tiff with my buddy, Lt. Diel.
Yeah, you got lousy taste
in friends.
I didn't like him very much.
Boy, Jim,
it's great talking to you.
Hold on a minute,
my other phone is flashing.
We got anybody out there
watching his trailer?
No. Is that where he is?
Yeah, I think so.
How long will it take to get a warrant?
You finished with her statement?
She's burning him good.
Said she saw him kill Brego.
Take me two minutes to get it typed up.
I get the DA to approve it
Judge Hunnicut is over
at the courthouse.
I'll have a warrant
in 25 minutes.
And now, I'd send a
plainclothes car out there.
In the meanwhile,
I'll try and stall him.
Sorry, Jim, but I'm breaking
in a rookie over here.
He can't even fill out
a 211 report.
So, anyway, what have you been doing?
You out at the trailer?
We ought to get together and
try and get us some yellowtail.
Yellowtail? What are you talking about?
They aren't running.
Listen, Dennis,
I need a favor.
I'm trying to get all the dope I
can on a girl named Leah Richards.
Can you punch her out
on the computer?
I'm looking for priors or convictions.
I wanna know, you know
what her racket is
and any known associates.
Yeah, right away.
Look, where are you?
I could run it by on my way home.
I was gonna come out there and
pick some of those clams
on the pier. You know, Nancy's been
hustling me for some steamed clams.
Dennis, what's going on?
What's wrong?
Nothing. What are you
talking about?
What are friends for, Jimbo?
There wouldn't happen to be a warrant
out for my arrest, would there?
No, what do you mean, warrant?
Of course not.
Dennis, I thought
we were friends.
1-Extra-22 to Control.
We have an addition
on the 157 suspect
at 2354,
Pacific Coast Highway.
Suspect was forced into a light
sedan by two male Caucasians.
Request a backup
and instructions.
You guys better have
a warrant.
What are you talking about?
A warrant for my arrest.
You just can't go around picking
up people without a warrant.
Yeah? I do it all the time.
You guys aren't cops?
How are you feeling,
Mr. Rockford?
Tell you the truth,
I'm scared to death.
Good. We'd like
to get some information.
We want to know who hired
you to kill Carl Brego.
I didn't kill Brego,
and I'm getting a little sick of this.
And the cops don't believe you?
No.
Neither do I.
But I have more pragmatic reasons.
You see
Carl Brego just didn't need the
services of a private detective.
We have plenty of people who could
have done the same thing you do
only with more efficiency.
I won't argue with that.
Then you're gonna stick to that story?
If I could come up with something
that sounded any better
I'd probably use it.
Okay, Mr. Rockford.
Listen, if it helps any
I think he was killed
by organized crime.
I'm in organized crime, Mr. Rockford,
and I know how it works.
You see, a killing is a very
complicated thing to arrange.
Your case, for instance.
I had to submit your name and my reasons
for wanting you hit to two of my superiors.
They figured
you were just a trigger-man
and that if someone were to
pay for killing my cousin
it should be the man
who ordered it done.
They okayed the contract, with the
provision that I face you first
and give you the opportunity to give
me the name of the man who hired you.
Something you failed to do.
We've just completed
that phase.
And now, I'm gonna leave you
with these two gentlemen
and they'll take you
to a suitable spot
and finish the job.
All right.
I'll give you what you want.
I'm listening.
You guys know Tom Beceda?
He's out of the country.
He'd heard of my work and he
wanted me to smoke Carl for him.
Check it out. There's a phone in
the other office. Call New York.
You know, I don't
believe this, of course
but I'm gonna check it out.
You know,
you have a very creative mind.
Stop! Police!
Freeze.
You got here just in time.
They were gonna kill me.
I owed that guy one.
The old guy got confused and tried
to run into the closet over there.
I gotta take you in, Jim.
Hey, come on, Dennis. On what charge?
Murder. We got an eyewitness.
Says she saw you kill him.
Leah Richards?
Right.
Could you get them to close the door?
I wanna talk to you in private.
Close the door on your way out.
Put them in the car.
I need some time.
Just give me a couple of hours.
I know I can get out from under this.
I've been set up
and I think I know who did it.
If I let you go, I'd get busted
back down to traffic patrol.
I don't believe you did it,
but I'm a cop.
Got to take you in, Jim.
Dennis
Would you look at that?
Sorry, Dennis.
I really don't know
what you're talking about.
What you're saying
just can't be.
I'm convinced it wasn't a mob killing
and I'm convinced you didn't do it
and that only leaves one
other player. Your husband.
He didn't even know
about Carl.
Where is he?
About a foot behind you and a
little to your left, Mr. Rockford.
This just hasn't been
my day at all.
All right, Mr. Rockford
we're gonna go shoot
a little skeet.
Mike, don't do this, please.
Things didn't work out for us,
did they?
I'm sorry.
I was only trying to protect you.
You didn't have to kill Brego.
Yes, I did.
I got to wondering about him,
so I broke into his place and he had
Well, there were
some Xeroxes of
Babe, I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Can't say I wasn't hurt.
People make mistakes, honey.
But I'll be damned if I was
gonna let you go to jail
and Brego was gonna put you
there sooner or later.
At least that
ain't gonna happen.
Now, all we gotta do is take
care of Mr. Rockford here
and nobody is left
who knows who you were.
Mike, he won't say anything
about me. Really, he won't.
Once a fox gets the smell of a
hen house, there ain't no trusting him.
That's really very folksy,
but it's still murder.
Come on.
Mike, please don't.
Sorry, honey. I don't want to,
but there's other problems.
I ain't about to face a rap for murder,
and Mr. Rockford knows I killed Brego.
Let's go.
You wouldn't want
to talk a deal?
Like, maybe I take the murder
rap, do the 20-year stretch?
You could put $100,000 in an account
for me and I'd guarantee my silence.
I'd be fixed for life, you know.
I'd get out in maybe 10.
I'm not anxious to do time
but I figure 10 years is a
lot better than eternity.
You'd sell me out.
No, I wouldn't.
I ain't about to trade
one blackmailer for another.
Get in the car.
You drive.
Slow down.
Think it over, Mike.
It's a good deal.
I said slow down!
That ought to be fast enough.
Now let's talk a new deal, Mike.
You throw that gun out the window,
and we'll see who takes the murder rap.
Slow down,
or I'll kill you right here.
Then we'd both be dead.
That wouldn't be too smart.
The keys don't come out of the
ignition while it's moving.
It's a safety feature.
How about that for irony?
I'm not a bluffer, boy. You stop this
car, or I'll pull the trigger.
You're not gonna shoot me,
and you know it.
Okay, I guess that wraps up
the Brego killing.
You're lucky, Rockford.
The Countess is backing your story.
Nice lady, the Countess.
Real class.
Her name is Debbie Ryder.
She went to high school in southern
Illinois and she likes Frankie Avalon
so don't get yourself
in a lather, Lieutenant.
I don't like you, Rockford.
You got a smart mouth
and you're not out
of trouble yet.
We still got a "flight to avoid
arrest" charge hanging on you.
He's safe there on a technicality,
Lieutenant. We never served him the warrant.
You like this jerk, don't you?
No, I don't like him.
I owe him a punch in his belly and
I can't collect if he's doing time.
Dennis, how about Ryder?
No, not gonna make it.
He's got internal bleeding
and the doctor says
he won't last an hour.
Can I get out of here?
Yeah.
But you better stay handy
until I get Diel cooled off.
Right.
I just heard about Mike.
They keep fooling you,
don't they?
Think everything's real.
Then when you get close enough so you
can see, it's just made of plastic.
Mike was the
only genuine article around
but he got hooked
on a plastic Countess.
How do you deal with that?
We're all scared to death.
I guess that's the penalty
we pay
for living in a world where all
the price tags end in 99 cents
and they sell mortuary plots on
billboards next to the freeway.
What you do
is just keep laughing.
They're gonna kiss your hand,
honey, because you are a Countess.
Stop worrying about it.
You're playing a big practical joke.
Just keep laughing.
Is that what you do?
You bet.
Come on, what are you afraid of?
You wanna move in on me?
You guys aren't cops?
Not hardly.
You gotta trust somebody.
And you're applying
for the job?
There was a man killed down at the
beach and I was chasing the killer.
On the ground, now.
How are you feeling,
Mr. Rockford?
Tell you the truth,
I'm scared to death.
This is Jim Rockford,
At the tone,
leave your name and message.
I'll get back to you.
Hey, Rockford, very
funny, I ain't laughing,
You're gonna get yours,
How much further, miss?
About a mile more, I think.
This is along way
in the middle of nowhere.
You just want me to drop you?
If you don't mind.
I don't mind, honey.
By the way, I'm a Scorpio,
with Pisces ascending.
How nice for you.
Yeah, it is.
Scorpios are lucky at love,
you know.
Luck has nothing
to do with it.
Pull up right there
in that clearing, please.
Why, Countess,
you look lovely.
You know, we're going to have
to stop meeting like this.
You're not amusing, Carl.
When you come on, you just get slightly
more vulgar, if that's possible.
Another rejection.
You know, if I keep this up, I'm just
liable to plunge myself into analysis.
Let's hope so.
May I?
What do we have
A tape recorder.
Surprise, surprise.
Here you are.
Thank you.
You know, I get a big kick out of
you, Countess.
You don't know
how much that pleases me.
Yeah, you have this dangerous
tendency to underrate people.
I guess it comes from hanging outwith
too many phonies and socialites.
Not like in Chicago.
Back then, you were streetwise.
You wouldn't have pulled
a dumb trick like this.
You got some guy in the bushes
with a high-speed camera?
Sound, lights, camera, action?
Cute and kind of sweet
in a stupid way.
You work so hard at being Cary Grant.
Life just isn't that fascinating.
And who'd know better
than you?
Okay, Countess, you wanna talk,
we'll talk, but not out here.
You wanna talk, we'll go
in my car. It's not wired.
Come on.
What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
What was that?
It was a cop.
He caught me in a fire hazard area.
Couldn't go through
that again.
Just sitting in the same car
with him made my flesh crawl.
We didn't get enough, did we?
No. Now we need
the soundtrack.
Look at that. I haven't been that
nervous since I left Chicago.
You certainly reduce things to
their lowest common denominator.
It's a plastic world.
If you don't like it that way
I can give it to you
in a cheese glass, Countess.
My name is Deborah Ryder.
Let's add it up.
I talked to a friend of mine.
He used to work with him back East.
The rumor is that he's got nine
scalps hanging from his belt.
If I'm gonna stay involved
you're gonna have to keep me better
informed about what's going on.
You know all you need to know.
I'm being blackmailed.
I need some help
in getting rid of the man.
You surely don't expect me to
tell you what he's got on me.
That would be stupid.
I just might wind up with two
blackmailers instead of one.
When were you in Chicago?
You never told me that.
Is that where you knew Carl?
I think I've had enough
for today.
If you'll just tell me what's going
on, maybe I can tie a can to his tail.
I need that much leverage to make it work.
You've got to trust somebody.
And you're applying
for the job? How sweet.
Try that one.
You know,
Arnold thinks that
we should spend
the whole season in Europe
and I'm beginning to think
he's right.
We did get to know
quite a few titled people
and LA is getting quite tacky.
Did you meet the Countess
in Europe?
I met her at Marineland.
How strange.
I run the hot dog concession
next to the killer whale exhibit.
The Countess loves my foot-longs.
I make them great.
Lots of chili and hot mustard.
I have a secret, you know.
I precook the hot dogs
then I wrap them
in cellophane.
That's the secret. Cellophane.
Keeps them from getting tough.
Would you excuse me?
Yes.
You're Jim
Rockford, aren't you?
The Countess told me
all about you. I'm Mike Ryder.
Hi, Mike. It's a nice party.
If you want my opinion, they're a
bunch of social-climbing creeps
but it fills up the place,
so what's the difference?
Who's the one cavorting
in the pool?
That's Carl Brego,
land development syndicator.
Countess says
she knew you in school.
Yeah, right. School.
Then you knew her
before she was a countess.
Yeah. Well,
it's kind of hard
to get used to calling
her that, the Countess.
She doesn't like to be called
the Countess.
When she married me, she lost her title.
She wants to be called Mrs. Ryder.
Look at that.
That's Sally Norris.
Her daddy's a big investor
in one of my oil fields.
She's only 17.
I got half a mind to go over there
and hand that big ape his head.
He looks like
he might be hard to take.
I saw him go after
a guy at a party once.
He pretends to shake your hand and
then tries to kick your kneecap off.
Excuse me,
I'm gonna break that up.
You were right, you know.
I first met Carl Brego
in Chicago 15 years ago.
Even then
you could tell he was crazy.
I was 18, fresh off the bus
from southern Illinois.
Got a job in a restaurant.
Didn't know it, but the mob used
the place as a numbers drop.
Carl Brego was the bagman.
He used to come in every day at
noon and pick up an order to go.
You thought he was picking up
tuna sandwiches for his boss?
Then I met a man who was
handsome, sophisticated.
I fell madly in love.
Same old story.
He was a roper
for the syndicate.
He didn't care anything about
me, except as merchandise.
Later on, I found out it was
Carl Brego who'd teed me up.
Are you following me?
Yeah.
Three years later I was
arrested by the Chicago police.
I got out on bail
and I was so scared
that I'd go to jail, I ran.
I had a friend who helped me get
a passport under a different name.
Changed my appearance,
lost 15 pounds, went to Europe.
And then I met Count Bertoli
and he married me.
And there I was,
La Contessa Bertoli,
Anyway, after the Count died,
I met Mike in Florence.
He was like
a breath of fresh air.
We were married,
and we came back here.
One day, at a party
in Bet Air
two months ago,
there was Carl Brego.
Did he approach you right off?
He didn't recognize me.
I could tell he was troubled about it.
And then, a month later,
he must have put it all together
because I met him at another
party and he asked me to dance.
While we were on the
dance floor, he began
to whisper profanities
into my ear.
He must have some kind of connection
with the Chicago police force
because he's got a Xerox of my whole file.
He showed it to me.
I think you should tell Mike.
I think he can stand it.
Mike was born in a hovel.
He never made it past the fifth grade.
He made a fortune
and he married a countess.
That's not why he married me,
but it's important to him.
I would like to save that
for him.
And maybe save it
for yourself, too?
I think I like you.
You certainly aren't impressed by
the fact that I once had a title.
I knew a guy a while back.
He was a torpedo
for the mob
and he had little
business cards printed up
and on it,
it said "independent contractor"
and then his name,
and under that it said "hit man."
That's really the only title
that ever impressed me.
Now, you're just a girl
from southern Illinois
and if you want,
I'll try and help you.
The Sewards aren't here.
I'm renting.
I said--
I heard what you said, Carl.
Have we met before, sport?
No.
Who is it, Carl?
Shut up, Leah.
Look, you got some business with me,
or you just looking in the window?
I got a message from the Countess.
Oh, yeah? What's that?
You don't wanna talk in front of Leah,
sport. I'm gonna make you look bad.
Is that so?
Well, won't be the first time.
Where are you going, Carl?
Okay, friend,
what's the message?
Well, I'll tell you, Carl.
It's like this.
I'm taking over the account.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
I know about
the Countess and Chicago.
I'm running a little low on funds,
so I'll start squeezing her myself.
So I thought maybe you and I should
have a little understanding
clear the decks first.
See, I don't like
getting bumped in the curves.
So, if I see you
hanging around her again
I'm gonna come down here and
pound your mouth full of sand
and drop you off
the end of the pier.
Hey, pal, slow down.
What are you getting all excited about?
I don't know what you're talking
about, I really don't.
I've also got you
on videotape.
Like a screen test, kind of?
Yeah, sort of.
And what happens if I tell you
to shinny up a rope?
The videotape goes
to the cops.
It seems to me that it would
put you out of business, too.
I'm reckless.
I like you, sport.
You got guts.
I've also got
the Countess concession.
Right. You got it.
Hey, be my guest.
See, I was only shaking
her down for the fun of it.
You know, I kind of like to see her squirm.
She's a phony.
Listen, you got my blessings.
You know what? I hope you jerk her under.
Okay, you're through,
hot shot. Come on.
You want some? Come on.
You want a little bit?
Come on, you wanna move in on me?
Come on, now.
Here we go. Don't be afraid.
How about that?
Okay, mister, on the ground.
There was a man killed down at the
beach and I was chasing the killer.
On the ground, now.
I told you, I was chasing
the guy that killed him.
1-Mary-10 to Control.
I have your 157 suspect
in custody.
Send a backup
and put out a Code 4.
A 157?
What are you talking about?
I didn't kill anybody.
I told you, I was chasing the guy.
He was driving a white Porsche.
He did the killing.
I got a Lieutenant coming.
You can tell him.
Well?
That's the man.
He's the one
we saw at the beach.
I was on the beach. I saw these
people, but I didn't kill anybody.
Listen, you knock it off for a minute.
You'll get your chance.
Is there anything else?
It did look like they were fighting.
Oh, yeah?
How about that?
Lieutenant, if you just
ask them about the rifle
we can clear this thing
up in a hurry.
I wanna know if you were fighting
with Brego when he got killed.
Yeah, sort of.
Sort of?
Okay, I was fighting with him,
but I wasn't trying to kill him.
He was a very dangerous man.
We got a file on Brego two inches thick.
Brego was a flip-top.
If you were fighting,
you can bet he was trying to kill you.
He'd have caved your head in
and sent you out with the tide.
He was shot
with a rifle from a cliff.
I saw these people,
but I wasn't carrying a rifle.
Did he have a rifle?
No.
Did he have a pistol?
He could have.
As a matter of fact,
he did have something in his hand.
He was shot with a rifle.
I didn't have a rifle.
Now, I wanna get out of here.
According to the coroner,
he was shot
with a 7.65 mm slug.
It could have come out of anything.
A rifle, a pistol.
Of course,
there's no way of telling
'cause the slug was a dumdum
and it's in a hundred pieces.
Where's my lawyer?
Is Rockford's attorney
out there yet?
Not yet, sir,
Nope.
Thanks very much
for coming in.
Just down the hallway
and to the left.
Doesn't look good,
Mr. Rockford.
No, sir, it doesn't look good
at all.
You got a right to consult with your
attorney, but I got a suggestion.
Well, let me guess.
If I confess,
you'll get me off with 20 to life
and then you'll make sure that the
warden puts me in a cell with color TV.
Tell you what. I'll call the DA in
here, and we'll settle this quick.
You were fighting with Brego.
Brego pulled a piece
you took it away from him,
the gun went off.
Involuntary manslaughter.
We plead it before a judge.
You end up maybe doing a year,
county time.
Come on, Lieutenant.
I didn't come down with yesterday's rain.
You got a very creaky case
here, all of it circumstantial.
You don't have a motive
and those two old people aren't
gonna make good witnesses.
A good attorney could blow
them off in 10 minutes.
You yard bird lawyers
really hand me a laugh.
I told you
I got a call from Brego.
He didn't give me his name on the
phone, but he wanted to retain me.
So I went down to the beach
to meet him.
When I got there, I knew who he was
and told him I didn't work for hoods.
So he blew his stack
and started swinging.
Next thing I knew,
there was a shot and he went down.
You're crud, Rockford.
You know it and I know it.
You got a record
and you done time.
The courts ain't gonna waste
much time with you.
You're gonna get down
the chute in a hurry.
Let's go.
Where have you been, Beth?
I was in court,
filing a report on a felony, hit-and-run.
I got here as fast as I could.
I'm gonna turn him over to the jailer.
You can talk to him there.
Hold on a second, Lieutenant.
Let me finish this A.R. report.
This is all you have?
Okay, Lieutenant
I haven't spoken to my client yet,
but I think you can ease off a little.
Is that so, honey?
I'm an attorney,
Lieutenant Diel.
I expect to be treated
as such.
My name is Ms. Davenport.
You call me "honey" again,
you'll hear about it from your captain.
I'm still gonna book this jailbird.
For what?
Material witness, for now.
No, you're not.
You're gonna book him for murder one.
Beth.
Shut up, Jim.
Look, I'm gonna book--
You want him as a witness.
He'll stipulate to that and I'll
guarantee his presence in court
if this thing
ever gets to court.
Carl Brego was a hoodlum.
You and I both know he was
probably killed by the underworld.
But if you book
Mr. Rockford
as a material witness
under these circumstances
I'm going to bring action against you
and this department for harassment
and you will end up
getting your next promotion
around the
turn of the century.
Wait here a minute.
Beth, murder one?
Are you nuts?
You gotta push them.
I don't think they can make it,
and it's the only charge they have.
We'll see.
Isn't that a little dangerous?
Yes.
All right, Ms. Davenport.
We're not gonna book him yet.
Come on, Jim. Let's go.
I'm gonna be
on you like a bad case of flu.
You get even close to an airport or bus
station and you're gonna be in here
reading the graffiti.
What about the girl, Leah?
If the cops turn her up,
she could be a problem for you
especially if she heard
you threaten him.
Let's just hope
they don't find her.
You're parked in a red zone.
I always do that.
They never give tickets in
front of the police station.
It's a psychological
neutral zone.
I gotta get a new attorney.
What do you mean?
You're out, aren't you?
But you haven't thrown
the hook yet.
Diel isn't sure about you.
He'd like it to be you
because that would be easy
and satisfy his tidiness urge.
He's got a case,
but it's not good enough.
He'll never get a booking
with it, but it's close.
So, all he's got to do is to get
Mr. and Mrs What's their name?
Tibbett.
Tibbett.
To say that they saw you
with a gun in your hand.
Then there's also the possibility
that whoever really killed him
Jim?
Yeah.
Did you kill him?
That's just great.
What is that?
Kind of an afterthought?
I'm sorry, it's just a
routine attorney's question.
There's the possibility that
whoever really killed him
is gonna pony up a fake witness
against you, just to clear the books.
You have
any more comforting thoughts?
I've gotta get back to court.
I'll call you tonight.
Thanks for fitting me in, Beth.
I really appreciate it.
Countess, I want
to talk to you.
Just a minute, Jim. I've only got five
minutes left of my lesson. Okay, Terry
Now.
You heard the Countess, buddy.
This can't wait.
If the Countess says five
minutes, it can wait five minutes.
All right, I don't want to interrupt.
You go ahead and play, and I'll talk.
The cops think
I killed Carl Brego.
He was shot dead on the beach
about four hours ago.
Course, I didn't kill him, but since
you're the one that sent me to meet him
I just have to think that you were
trying to set me up to take a murder rap.
Terry, would you excuse us, please?
Who is this guy?
No, go ahead and finish your lesson.
I hate to interrupt.
Terry, you can go now.
That's all for today.
Are you okay, Countess?
You want,
I can run this guy off.
I wouldn't try it, Terry.
I'm in a bad mood today.
I'm liable to make you eat the
tennis balls in that basket.
Now, you gather the rest
of your things and scoot.
What do you mean,
"Carl's dead"?
You know he's dead. You sent me
down there to get nominated for it.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
That frame wasn't quite tight enough.
I managed to squeeze out from under it.
But I'm walking around
on a very thin pass.
Jim, you didn't-- Tell the
police about you? No. Not yet.
I'm on my way down there now.
I'm gonna give you about a
minute and a half, Countess
to convince me
you didn't set me up.
But I'm warning you
you better make it good
'cause I'm not working for you
now, I'm working for me.
All right.
Just give me a minute.
I need time to think.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
I'll see you, Countess.
Please. Look,
I didn't set you up.
You promised me you wouldn't
tell anybody about Chicago.
You gave me your word,
or I wouldn't have told you.
I said I'd protect you
if you didn't lie to me.
I didn't lie to you.
Carl's death is a shock to me.
I swear to you that
I had nothing to do with it.
Come on, you're gonna have
to do better than that.
And the police
won't believe you either
particularly when I tell them
that your motive was blackmail.
No, your best bet to stay out of
prison is to plead temporary insanity.
Who knows, you may get lucky.
They'll toss you in one of
those head-basket wards.
I'll deny it.
With Carl dead, there's no way to prove
anything. They'll never believe you.
Come on, honey,
I got you on videotape.
Remember? Carl taking the
purse from you, all that?
Please wait. Listen.
I'll buy the tape.
I'll pay you.
I'll pay you anything
you want.
All right. How about $100,000?
I really misjudged you,
didn't I?
You crawled out
from under a rock.
You see, I've got this little problem.
Every time I get indicted for murder
I seem to lose all my manners.
All right.
I'll raise the money somehow.
But you've got to promise me to give me
the videotapes and keep your mouth shut.
You will?
I said I'd pay you.
I don't have the videotapes anymore.
Somebody erased them.
I thought it was you,
but I guess it wasn't.
I told you the truth.
Now you have to keep
your promise, too.
I just don't know where to go now.
I thought it was a gang killing.
Do you know 3 gm
by the name of Leah?
No.
I might find out something
from her about Carl.
He was living with her, dating
her, something. I don't know.
You'll keep your promise?
You won't tell the police?
Let me put it
this way, Debbie.
I'm never too sure just how
much character I've got.
In a pinch,
I start groping for alternatives.
I'll probably sell you out
before I take a rap for murder.
If you can help me, you'd better get your
little coffee can and start bailing
'cause if I go down,
you go down.
Chivalry is really dead, isn't it?
I know.
Becker,
Hey, Dennis, Jim Rockford.
Say, Jim, how you been?
Heard you got into a little
tiff with my buddy, Lt. Diel.
Yeah, you got lousy taste
in friends.
I didn't like him very much.
Boy, Jim,
it's great talking to you.
Hold on a minute,
my other phone is flashing.
We got anybody out there
watching his trailer?
No. Is that where he is?
Yeah, I think so.
How long will it take to get a warrant?
You finished with her statement?
She's burning him good.
Said she saw him kill Brego.
Take me two minutes to get it typed up.
I get the DA to approve it
Judge Hunnicut is over
at the courthouse.
I'll have a warrant
in 25 minutes.
And now, I'd send a
plainclothes car out there.
In the meanwhile,
I'll try and stall him.
Sorry, Jim, but I'm breaking
in a rookie over here.
He can't even fill out
a 211 report.
So, anyway, what have you been doing?
You out at the trailer?
We ought to get together and
try and get us some yellowtail.
Yellowtail? What are you talking about?
They aren't running.
Listen, Dennis,
I need a favor.
I'm trying to get all the dope I
can on a girl named Leah Richards.
Can you punch her out
on the computer?
I'm looking for priors or convictions.
I wanna know, you know
what her racket is
and any known associates.
Yeah, right away.
Look, where are you?
I could run it by on my way home.
I was gonna come out there and
pick some of those clams
on the pier. You know, Nancy's been
hustling me for some steamed clams.
Dennis, what's going on?
What's wrong?
Nothing. What are you
talking about?
What are friends for, Jimbo?
There wouldn't happen to be a warrant
out for my arrest, would there?
No, what do you mean, warrant?
Of course not.
Dennis, I thought
we were friends.
1-Extra-22 to Control.
We have an addition
on the 157 suspect
at 2354,
Pacific Coast Highway.
Suspect was forced into a light
sedan by two male Caucasians.
Request a backup
and instructions.
You guys better have
a warrant.
What are you talking about?
A warrant for my arrest.
You just can't go around picking
up people without a warrant.
Yeah? I do it all the time.
You guys aren't cops?
How are you feeling,
Mr. Rockford?
Tell you the truth,
I'm scared to death.
Good. We'd like
to get some information.
We want to know who hired
you to kill Carl Brego.
I didn't kill Brego,
and I'm getting a little sick of this.
And the cops don't believe you?
No.
Neither do I.
But I have more pragmatic reasons.
You see
Carl Brego just didn't need the
services of a private detective.
We have plenty of people who could
have done the same thing you do
only with more efficiency.
I won't argue with that.
Then you're gonna stick to that story?
If I could come up with something
that sounded any better
I'd probably use it.
Okay, Mr. Rockford.
Listen, if it helps any
I think he was killed
by organized crime.
I'm in organized crime, Mr. Rockford,
and I know how it works.
You see, a killing is a very
complicated thing to arrange.
Your case, for instance.
I had to submit your name and my reasons
for wanting you hit to two of my superiors.
They figured
you were just a trigger-man
and that if someone were to
pay for killing my cousin
it should be the man
who ordered it done.
They okayed the contract, with the
provision that I face you first
and give you the opportunity to give
me the name of the man who hired you.
Something you failed to do.
We've just completed
that phase.
And now, I'm gonna leave you
with these two gentlemen
and they'll take you
to a suitable spot
and finish the job.
All right.
I'll give you what you want.
I'm listening.
You guys know Tom Beceda?
He's out of the country.
He'd heard of my work and he
wanted me to smoke Carl for him.
Check it out. There's a phone in
the other office. Call New York.
You know, I don't
believe this, of course
but I'm gonna check it out.
You know,
you have a very creative mind.
Stop! Police!
Freeze.
You got here just in time.
They were gonna kill me.
I owed that guy one.
The old guy got confused and tried
to run into the closet over there.
I gotta take you in, Jim.
Hey, come on, Dennis. On what charge?
Murder. We got an eyewitness.
Says she saw you kill him.
Leah Richards?
Right.
Could you get them to close the door?
I wanna talk to you in private.
Close the door on your way out.
Put them in the car.
I need some time.
Just give me a couple of hours.
I know I can get out from under this.
I've been set up
and I think I know who did it.
If I let you go, I'd get busted
back down to traffic patrol.
I don't believe you did it,
but I'm a cop.
Got to take you in, Jim.
Dennis
Would you look at that?
Sorry, Dennis.
I really don't know
what you're talking about.
What you're saying
just can't be.
I'm convinced it wasn't a mob killing
and I'm convinced you didn't do it
and that only leaves one
other player. Your husband.
He didn't even know
about Carl.
Where is he?
About a foot behind you and a
little to your left, Mr. Rockford.
This just hasn't been
my day at all.
All right, Mr. Rockford
we're gonna go shoot
a little skeet.
Mike, don't do this, please.
Things didn't work out for us,
did they?
I'm sorry.
I was only trying to protect you.
You didn't have to kill Brego.
Yes, I did.
I got to wondering about him,
so I broke into his place and he had
Well, there were
some Xeroxes of
Babe, I'm sorry.
It's okay.
Can't say I wasn't hurt.
People make mistakes, honey.
But I'll be damned if I was
gonna let you go to jail
and Brego was gonna put you
there sooner or later.
At least that
ain't gonna happen.
Now, all we gotta do is take
care of Mr. Rockford here
and nobody is left
who knows who you were.
Mike, he won't say anything
about me. Really, he won't.
Once a fox gets the smell of a
hen house, there ain't no trusting him.
That's really very folksy,
but it's still murder.
Come on.
Mike, please don't.
Sorry, honey. I don't want to,
but there's other problems.
I ain't about to face a rap for murder,
and Mr. Rockford knows I killed Brego.
Let's go.
You wouldn't want
to talk a deal?
Like, maybe I take the murder
rap, do the 20-year stretch?
You could put $100,000 in an account
for me and I'd guarantee my silence.
I'd be fixed for life, you know.
I'd get out in maybe 10.
I'm not anxious to do time
but I figure 10 years is a
lot better than eternity.
You'd sell me out.
No, I wouldn't.
I ain't about to trade
one blackmailer for another.
Get in the car.
You drive.
Slow down.
Think it over, Mike.
It's a good deal.
I said slow down!
That ought to be fast enough.
Now let's talk a new deal, Mike.
You throw that gun out the window,
and we'll see who takes the murder rap.
Slow down,
or I'll kill you right here.
Then we'd both be dead.
That wouldn't be too smart.
The keys don't come out of the
ignition while it's moving.
It's a safety feature.
How about that for irony?
I'm not a bluffer, boy. You stop this
car, or I'll pull the trigger.
You're not gonna shoot me,
and you know it.
Okay, I guess that wraps up
the Brego killing.
You're lucky, Rockford.
The Countess is backing your story.
Nice lady, the Countess.
Real class.
Her name is Debbie Ryder.
She went to high school in southern
Illinois and she likes Frankie Avalon
so don't get yourself
in a lather, Lieutenant.
I don't like you, Rockford.
You got a smart mouth
and you're not out
of trouble yet.
We still got a "flight to avoid
arrest" charge hanging on you.
He's safe there on a technicality,
Lieutenant. We never served him the warrant.
You like this jerk, don't you?
No, I don't like him.
I owe him a punch in his belly and
I can't collect if he's doing time.
Dennis, how about Ryder?
No, not gonna make it.
He's got internal bleeding
and the doctor says
he won't last an hour.
Can I get out of here?
Yeah.
But you better stay handy
until I get Diel cooled off.
Right.
I just heard about Mike.
They keep fooling you,
don't they?
Think everything's real.
Then when you get close enough so you
can see, it's just made of plastic.
Mike was the
only genuine article around
but he got hooked
on a plastic Countess.
How do you deal with that?
We're all scared to death.
I guess that's the penalty
we pay
for living in a world where all
the price tags end in 99 cents
and they sell mortuary plots on
billboards next to the freeway.
What you do
is just keep laughing.
They're gonna kiss your hand,
honey, because you are a Countess.
Stop worrying about it.
You're playing a big practical joke.
Just keep laughing.
Is that what you do?
You bet.