Funny AF with Kevin Hart (2026) s01e04 Episode Script

1
Today's a big day.
We've done these showcases.
We did Chicago. We did New York.
We did L.A. Tom was there in L.A.
- Tom Brady?
- [Keegan] Yeah. Tom Brady came here.
Famous comedian Tom Brady.
[Keegan] Yes, famous comedy legend,
- Tom Brady.
- He's so…
- He's really funny.
- He's hysterical.
- [Chelsea] Yeah. Always.
- She really can do it.
- She just knows how to piss me off.
- He has to do that whole thing again.
He has to walk in again.
- Let's just go from our intro…
- [Chelsea] Yeah.
[theme music playing]
[Kevin] After showcases in New York,
Los Angeles, and Chicago,
I found 18 of the funniest comics
and invited them all to L.A.
With a career-changing Netflix special
on the line,
only ten will move on.
It's time for callbacks.
And we're doing it right here
at The Comedy Store in Los Angeles.
This is the room where Richard Pryor
found his best material,
where David Letterman, Whoopi Goldberg,
and Robin Williams became legends.
And with me is a legend in her own right,
my good friend, Chelsea Handler.
[Chelsea] Look at this, color-coordinated.
- Look at us.
- I didn't have anything.
- I just found it.
- Why are you talking like Lou Rawls?
[Kevin] Chelsea has done
pretty much everything
that you can do in this business.
Sold out arenas,
written best-selling books.
Her late-night show
kick-started the careers
of so many, myself included.
- This is big. We're actually doing it.
- I'm excited to see some stand-up.
I'm excited to watch people deliver
their material in front of all of us.
- You're ready.
- [Chelsea] Okay, I'm ready.
- Estoy lista. Okay.
- So we can go. Let's just go.
[director] Are you aware
of who the judges will be here?
Judges?
No, I don't know who they are.
Who are they?
[director] Keegan-Michael Key.
- Oh, okay.
- [director] Kevin.
Kumail Nanjiani.
- Fuck.
- [director] And Chelsea Handler.
Fuck, are you serious?
[director] I'm serious.
Okay, I love Chelsea.
Oh my God, are you serious?
[sighs] And I'm just gonna talk
about my pussy, great. [laughs]
[Kevin] Hey, guys. Hello.
Look at all these beautiful faces. Hi!
[Kevin] Welcome back.
So, Chelsea, it's a room full
of fantastic, funny comedians.
[Chelsea] Beautiful crowd, look at this.
- It's beautiful.
- Look at this, this is so beautiful.
- The energy in here is great.
- Colorful. I'm fucking down.
- Okay.
- I'm down.
- Down for what?
- You know what.
Okay, stop. Stop it. All right.
That's enough. That's enough. All right.
These are all the comedians
that have made it to this stage.
Eighteen comics in total.
Only ten will go on to the next stage.
[Chelsea] This is a pep talk.
- We're here to support you.
- [Kevin] Yeah.
We want you to succeed.
If something doesn't
go well, fucking recover.
- You know?
- [Kevin] Okay.
Recovery is as important
as the performance.
[Kevin] It's exciting for me
because I already know what
you guys are capable of, right?
So at this point, I get to see
what else you have in your bag.
- Who gets better or who gets worse?
- No one's going to get worse.
You don't know where I was going.
Nobody gets worse
as the competition goes on.
I had a fucking amazing thing where I was
going after that and you didn't--
Well, land the fucking plane then.
Well, now I got to fly a new plane
to make the goddamn point.
'Cause you fucked that flight up, Chelsea.
- Well, luckily, you have two planes…
- Okay, well…
…so that shouldn't be a problem.
My legends that were
with me previously are here.
Chelsea is not the only one.
We got Keegan-Michael Key from New York
and Kumail Nanjiani from Chicago.
So I'm getting a variety
of opinions and eyeballs
from faces that I respect, admire,
and more importantly,
that love this craft of comedy.
Right now, you know what the task
at hand is.
Ultimately, we're picking what
we would consider
to be the comics of the future.
That's a big deal. That's a big deal.
So take a moment, look at the list,
see where you fall on the show,
get your mind right, but then
go out there and do what you do.
Guys, good luck. Have a good time.
Make sure you have fun, okay?
- Come on, Chels.
- Yeah, have fun, you guys.
Tell them about the bracelet,
that you're going
to give away the bracelet
- for the second runner up.
- Let's go. Come on, let's go.
All right, have fun.
We're here to support you.
- [Tee] I got it.
- Yell out who's first.
- [Tee] I better not be first, bro.
- [contestant] Who first?
- Steve Furey, baby.
- [contestant] Damn.
[Eva] Oh, yeah.
I knew it!
Hey, you got it.
- That's crazy.
- You got it.
It's a big moment.
Callbacks are a whole nother animal.
- The stakes are much higher.
- [Chelsea] Hi, guys.
[Kevin] They're in a legendary club
in front of multiple judges,
and it's a much bigger crowd.
This is a pressure moment.
We'll see who stands up
under pressure and who doesn't.
Thank you for this opportunity.
These are people that could get
a Netflix special and do well.
- What did you say?
- I just thanked him
- for the opportunity to be here.
- "Thank you for the opportunity."
What's going on?
There's ladders.
There's four ladders out there.
You want to dap? Okay.
Ooh, wow!
[Olivia] I'm nervous,
but my favorite thing
about comedy
is probably the camaraderie
between all the comics.
And I think that's special about comics
is we know how hard it is to do this.
You bond over just going
through the trials and tribulations.
[Caitlin] It's us versus the audience.
When you try and make people laugh,
that means at some point you've failed.
And that is what unites us all.
It keeps us all humble.
[stage manager]
Thirty-second warning for Steve.
Rip fucking city.
I'm nervous.
First time in this competition
I've been very nervous.
I am damp to the touch.
Some would say moist.
Going first is hard.
[stage manager] Okay, Steve,
time to go to stage.
[contestants cheering]
[Steve] In the first round,
I was lucky enough to get selected
right after my set.
That doesn't really do much
for this next round
because that one's done.
Whatever happened then is in the past,
and it means nothing.
This next one,
I'm going against better comics
from all over the country,
so I have to get my head in
and forget whatever happened
in the past and focus
on what's happening next.
I have a lot more to show everybody.
The more I show,
I think the more people will like me.
[crowd cheering]
- [announcer] Steve Furey!
- [crowd cheering]
[Steve] What up?
Yes!
My name is Steve Furey.
Happy to be here.
Me and my fiancée just moved.
Fifth floor, top floor, just got ants.
I don't know how they did it.
Pretty impressive for an ant
to go five human stories.
I have trouble climbing those stairs.
You tell me a fucking ant just did that?
So I did the math.
For an ant to climb five human stories
would be the equivalent
of a human climbing Mount Kilimanjaro.
Could you imagine being
at the base of Mount Kilimanjaro,
looking up and being like,
"I think there's a cookie up there."
[laughter]
"Let's invite the whole town,
everybody I've ever met in my life."
- "Single file line!"
- [laughter]
It's an ant joke. Some of you guys
will get that later. Don't worry about it.
I am happily getting engaged.
I had to go ring shopping recently,
and I don't know if you guys know this,
but there's two types of diamonds now
that are almost exactly the same, okay?
They have a mined,
and they have a lab-grown diamond.
For all intents and purposes,
it's the same fucking thing,
chemically, optically, tensile strength,
diamond checker, Mohs.
I didn't know that.
So when I go in there, jeweler goes,
"First off, I'm gonna
show you this right here."
He goes, "This is a lab-grown diamond."
He goes, "Your fiancée…
does not want this."
He goes, "This is for poor people."
Then he said it was almost 6,000 dollars.
I was like, "God damn."
"I didn't know I was poorer
than poor people. That's crazy."
"Do you have anything
for a peasant or a serf?"
I'm happy, I'm happy I found
the love of my life, man.
I learned a lot when I was single.
I want to share it with you guys.
I learned when I was single.
I learned that you can tell
how good a girl will be at sex
by how dirty the inside of her car is.
If she's got a lot of old Starbucks cups
and McDonald's wrappers,
she's going to blow your fucking mind.
That's what I learned. That's…
- That's what my research tells me.
- That was clean as fuck.
Said that joke six months ago in Florida.
A woman stood up and goes,
"Well, I ride the bus."
[laughter]
Just asked her to marry me.
Went ring shopping a couple weeks ago.
Can't wait to marry her.
My name is Steve Furey.
Thank you very much.
[cheering and applauding]
[Kumail] I think that guy's
gonna go through.
- He's funny as fuck.
- [Kumail] He's incredible.
Steve was really great.
He's like making analogies and metaphors.
The material was really good.
- Yeah.
- [Kevin] Really good. Very polished.
- Also the confidence matters.
- It's not the same as knowing the crowd.
He was so comfortable.
He was really comfortable.
I'm confident in my shit.
I just want to do this shit.
You just got to take a deep breath
and tell yourself everything's okay.
[Eva] Me and Reg go way back.
That's my guy.
Reg's friendship means so much to me.
Babes, I don't even need
to wish you no luck.
- Just do this shit, all right?
- [Eva] Love you.
[Reg] I was doing stand-up maybe two
or three years,
and she told me she wanted to do stand-up,
and I helped her get into stand-up.
And, like, nine years later,
Eva a body bag. I'm so proud of her.
- [announcer] Eva Evans!
- [crowd cheering, applauding]
- [Reg] Come on, Eva.
- [crowd member] Yes, Eva!
[Eva] I'm really hoping
me and Reg move on.
I know there could only be one winner,
and I'm really hoping it's one of us.
What's going on?
It's a good-looking crowd.
- Okay, y'all disagree. Fuck it.
- [laughter]
Like, "Flattery doesn't work on us, bitch.
Get to the jokes." Heard you.
I'm, like, excited
about aliens being here.
I really am. I am. Yeah.
I feel like Earth needs new men.
[crowd laughing]
Yeah, yeah, we need new options
in this motherfucker.
We need… Yeah, right?
I would definitely fuck with an alien.
I'm trying to see what
these Mars niggas is talking about,
you know what I mean?
What these getting money Jupiter niggas
are saying, you know what I mean?
Real shit.
I know it sounds crazy,
but let him be six-four with no kids.
If he's six-four with no kids,
I'm sucking both of his dicks.
Right? He gotta have at least two.
Don't come over here with his one dick.
We been there, done that.
- [laughs]
- If you gonna invade the planet,
let me see some shit I ain't never
seen before, you know what I mean?
Real shit. So I met this guy.
He was a trans man.
He didn't put that on his page,
so I didn't know.
But when I showed up to the restaurant,
he disclosed that to me.
And I appreciated him
letting me know, right?
And I could tell he was nervous
and scared that I was
gonna react a certain way.
And I told him,
I said, "You gotta relax, okay?"
"I am too poor to have a phobia."
I said, "As long as you identify
as a man who's paying this check…
[crowd laughing, cheering]
…at the end of this meal," because, bitch,
I showed up ashy and hungry, I was…
Ashy!
The date went very well.
The conversation was good.
The date went south when his card
declined, when the bill came.
Yeah, his card declined.
And I was concerned.
And he said, "Don't worry."
"One of my six roommates
is gonna send me some money."
I said, "Nigga, where you live at, jail?"
"Why you got so many roommates?"
So long story short, he pays the bill
and he asked me out again.
He said, "Eva, I had a great time.
Can I take you out again?"
I said, "Nah, I'm good."
And he got offended. He was like,
"I thought we had a great time."
"Don't tell me you're transphobic."
I said, "No, baby, I don't date the poor."
I'm poor, what the fuck
we gonna do together?
Wish upon a star, nigga? I need…
I need help.
[Kumail laughing]
I said, "Why didn't you plan better?"
"Why didn't you transition
into a rich man?"
[crowd laughing, applauding]
[Eva] Right?
- So your trans-actions can go through.
- [crowd laughing]
Yeah.
Thank you, my name is Eva.
Y'all have a good night.
[crowd cheering]
- I like her energy a lot.
- I like her.
- Confident, stand and deliver.
- Yeah.
Not high energy, not pushing it,
making you come to her.
When you hear the whole trans bit
and the check,
it makes you go-- think which came first.
- Like the actual-- You know what I mean?
- Yeah.
Like which joke set up
that whole storyline.
Action first and then all of it before.
And then she backed
into the rest of the stuff.
- Yeah.
- [Eva] I forgot a tag
on my trans bit, my nigga.
- I'm sick.
- Hey, you still went crazy.
- You still did very well.
- [Eva] I'm so sick.
- I'm so sick.
- You did very well.
- I am terrified right now.
- Where the fuck I go? Where's the exit?
- I could just leave?
- [management] Yep. Walk out.
[mellow music playing]
I am so tight.
I forgot a tag in my last--
my closing bit,
and I'm just very disappointed in myself.
[sighs]
There's good, better, and best.
Tags help you elevate the joke.
Just one little detail,
but to me it's like, it's a big deal.
'Cause I worked very hard to be here.
I just hope that I still make it through.
- [sighs]
- [music concludes]
I'm not going on
for a good hour and some change.
- Yeah.
- [Tee] What's five times twelve?
'Cause that's about as long
- as it's going to take.
- [Daniel] Sixty.
That was good math. That was so quick.
[Daniel] I was supposed to be
a mathematician.
[Dvontre] You were supposed to
be a mathematician?
I was in multivariable calculus.
Wow.
[Dvontre] Those are some words.
I know they mean something.
I think the biggest difference
between the audition round
and this callback round is
that it's the cream of the crop.
[stage manager]
Daniel, time to go to stage.
- Hey!
- [cheering, applauding]
You know, everyone I feel
like has agents, managers.
I don't have any representation.
So moving in, it's like, okay,
I'm excited to prove myself and say,
"No, I belong."
[announcer] Show some love
for Daniel Dellanno!
How we doing? We good?
- [crowd] Yeah!
- Okay.
I'm trying to learn how to date.
Biggest thing I learned with dating,
I learned I can't hit on
alcoholic women anymore.
I can't do it.
Nah, y'all laughing, I had one girl,
she almost drank me into poverty.
No, for real, we were at the bar,
she was like, "Hey, Dan, another round."
I was like, "Bitch, I work at Target."
I make 15 dollars an hour.
Whole date, I was on my phone, she's like,
"What are you, texting other women?"
I'm like, "No, I'm texting
Bank of America right now."
I'm like, "Y'all don't see
any suspicious activity?"
"Y'all just gonna let me do this shit?"
'Cause when you make hourly,
you view money you spend
in terms of hours of your life.
So every drink she ordered, I was like,
"Fuck, I'm gonna have to work Saturday."
[crowd laughing]
'Cause this is the thing,
I'm a lightweight.
So I'm sipping on my one drink
and she's got three drinks stacked up.
So women are looking at me like, "Oh,
he's trying to take advantage of her."
I'm like, "No,
she's taking advantage of me."
"This bitch drank my whole shift."
"I'm sipping on my overtime right now."
All right. I like this crowd, y'all.
Nah, I like this crowd.
Y'all an honest crowd.
Y'all an honest crowd.
Y'all laugh at what you want to laugh at,
and what you don't,
y'all let it be known, y'all.
This is the type of crowd
that makes comedians drive home
- with no music, y'all.
- [laughter]
You be driving back like, "You know what,
Target ain't that bad. It ain't."
"Fifteen dollars an hour?
I could make it work."
Hey, y'all have been an amazing audience.
My name's Dan Dellanno.
I appreciate y'all.
[Kumail] He was really, really strong.
He's very good at rolling with it
and then going back to the material.
[Kevin] Yes. That was a very strong set.
How do you feel about comics that laugh
at their own jokes?
- You think it's cheating?
- No, I don't think it's cheating.
I think it's off-putting. Like, it's not…
Why are you laughing at your own--
You know what you're gonna say.
- You've heard this.
- You've heard this.
- You know what you're gonna say.
- Yeah, it's not sincere.
- We're seeing a calculated forced break.
- [Chelsea] Yeah.
[Kevin] I think it's inspiring
to see comics do well.
Here's a good example.
Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock,
and myself, right?
Me and Chris were saying like,
we're working on material.
So I was like,
"Chris, let's go to the city."
I go up. Chris goes up.
We're fucking excited.
We're in the back sharing notes.
Dave comes into the cellar.
Dave does a spot.
Without any hesitation,
me and Chris looked at each other.
We both took our piece of paper…
- And ripped it in half.
-…and we fucking said,
- "This is not what we thought it was."
- [Keegan] "This is not good."
- "This isn't gonna cut it."
- "If this is what's happening out here…
- [Keegan] "This is not gonna cut it."
-…we are not in a good place."
And we both nodded and we said,
"I'll see you tomorrow."
- "We'll go back to the drawing board."
- [Keegan] That's fantastic.
And I feel like that's the energy
that you're supposed to get
from watching a good comedian.
[crowd cheering]
My name is Andrea Jin. I'm an immigrant.
I immigrated here
when I was 10 years old,
and there was a lot
of pressure at that time
for me to like Mulan, you know?
My secret favorite princess
was actually Sleeping Beauty
because she was asleep
for that whole movie.
And then when she woke up,
she had a castle and money.
Like, that's magical, you know?
Mulan had to cut her hair off
with a sword and then fight a war.
[gags] Ew. That's not…
That's not what I immigrated here for,
you know?
I wanted to just hang back, relax.
American values, right?
I love doing that.
She was a little bit nervous.
She stumbled a couple times.
[Kevin] I think her stumbling
was material-adjacent.
I love dogs.
Some say I love them a little too much.
Because I touch them whenever I want.
I do. Strange dogs.
I just keep treats in my pocket.
I don't know
if I'm going to get lucky, you know?
But I touched a Shih Tzu.
And he looked at me
like I did something wrong.
Maybe you shouldn't be so soft.
Ever thought of that?
Maybe you should cover up,
put on a little sweater or something
if that's not what you're interested in.
And let's be honest,
you walked right through my hand.
I don't know who's gonna believe you
with that underbite, anyway. I mean…
Love when it's so out to left field.
- [Keegan] Yeah.
- You know what I mean?
One thing I don't like
about church that churches do.
I don't like mission trips though.
Y'all know what a mission trip is?
The kids, what they do is
they go door to door and they say,
"Hey, will you please either pray for me
or give me some money for a vacation?"
And they go like Honduras or Costa Rica.
I'm not 100% sure where Honduras is,
but I know that it is like Mexicany.
Just wait. Just wait. Oh, my God.
Wait. Cut that.
I forgot I was in L.A. Okay, listen.
Could you imagine a dude
in Honduras was praying?
Like, "Father God, Lord, please send us
some help with this youth center, Lord."
"We need help building it, Jesus."
"If you could please send us 12…
tenth graders. Yes."
- [Kevin] Caleb was very funny.
- I thought he was great.
But, like, I don't know
if he moves the mountain.
- No, he doesn't.
- I really liked Caleb.
I think I liked him more than you guys.
- [Caitlin] Where am I going? Makeup?
- [stage manager] Caitlin,
- you're going to sit right here.
- [Caitlin] Okay.
- I am a huge fan of Chelsea Handler.
- [Winston] Yeah.
I've loved her since high school.
And she made me want to do comedy.
So if she doesn't like my jokes,
I will walk into the river.
That's crazy, I feel that same way about--
Just find a river
and just become a floater.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, I feel that way about Kumail.
I'm sorry, I keep jerking you around.
Sorry.
- All right. Here we go.
- [announcer] Caitlin Peluffo!
[crowd cheering]
Hey! Hey!
Come on, come on, come on.
Oh, my goodness!
Hello, Los Angeles.
- How we doing, huh?
- [cheering]
My name's Caitlin Peluffo.
I'm excited to be here.
I'm newly single, all right?
- [crowd] Whoo!
- Thank you. Only the women "whoo."
I…
I'm single now, and I discovered
I'm a bad lay, all right?
I'm in my thirties.
I have bad knees and a bad attitude, okay?
I just get so distracted. I do.
I can't even have sex
with a guy who's wearing a necklace.
Ladies, make them take off their jewelry.
You deserve better than that, okay? Yeah.
You don't deserve to be chin-fucked…
- by Saint Christopher…
- [laughs]
…every single thrust.
Yeah, you're just getting teabagged
by God, all right?
Instead of being like, "I'm gonna come."
It's like,
"I'm gonna chip a tooth, I think."
You also have to be careful
for your hands.
You gotta make sure
the hands are at the hips.
Never put them over the shoulders.
Don't do that, okay?
Because ladies,
as soon as you put your hands
over his shoulders,
he's gonna try and pick you up.
And you don't need that kind
of confidence killer.
Men, I don't care how strong you are,
whenever you pick us up,
we have to watch your face change.
- So good. So good.
- [Keegan] It's hilarious.
And it never changes to,
"Wow, she's lighter
than I thought she'd be."
It always changes to,
"Jesus fucking Christ."
"Did you eat an anvil?"
- Anvil!
- [Caitlin] Keep them at the hips.
Yeah, I'm sad to say
I am a tough comer, okay?
- Anvil.
- I'm a tough comer.
I wish I were any easy come. I'm not.
I need a vibrator in the bedroom.
That's what I…
Who's using a vibrator? Ladies.
Over here, you and me,
we got the toughest clits in L.A., huh?
I got a tough-ass clitoris, all right?
Yeah, she's kind of like
a grizzled detective.
She's been on the force for 20 years.
- She's chain-smoking Marlboro cigarettes.
- This is good.
- It is good.
- This is good.
Yeah, I call her Dick Wolf, okay?
And a vibrator's great.
A vibrator's great.
It's just not something you can whip out
the first time with a new guy.
It can be a little intimidating for them.
Yeah, you're basically opening a drawer,
looking at a man, saying,
"You will never be enough."
And younger guys hate a vibrator.
Under 25, they got an ego about it.
They're like, "We're not going
to need a vibrator, babe."
"I know the whole alphabet."
'Cause they don't know how to finger.
They just do whatever they see in porn.
They're like… [vocalizing]
[grunts]
[blows]
Yeah, have you
ever had your pussy blown on?
- It is humiliating.
- [laughter]
It's like, "This isn't green tea."
- "What the fuck are you doing?"
- Green tea!
"Is there dust in my keyboard?
Knock it off."
"Get the vibrator. Get it in here."
We got ten minutes until Survivor's on.
All right, that's it for me.
- I'm Caitlin Peluffo. Thank you.
- [loud cheering]
[Caitlin] Thank you so much.
Thank you. Thank you.
- She's through.
- [Keegan] She's through.
- Yes, absolutely. That was an A-plus.
- She's through.
- That was the best one.
- A-plus.
- I have to pee. I have to pee.
- Call her back out.
- Call her back out, production.
- No, don't do that.
[Kevin] Go pee.
- [Kumail] Yeah, frame her out.
- Fuck, again?
It's the fifth pee, Chelsea.
Maybe it's time to put the bottle down.
Hurry up.
Fuck.
[stage manager] Wait, wait, wait. Hang on.
- [Kumail] Oh, here, she is back now.
- Hi.
- She came back out.
- What the fuck?
- [Felicia] Are they going to tell her?
- [Usama] Oh, yes.
Hi. I loved you in New York.
The material in New York was unbelievable.
And for you to be able to come back
and keep the same energy
but fucking increase
the volume is unbelievable.
And we can only take a few
to the next stage.
But I don't feel like
you deserve the wait after that set.
- You're going to the next round.
- [crowd cheering]
- Aww! Whoo!
- [crowd cheering]
I got emotional there. I got emotional.
[screams]
I'm really proud of what I did.
I'm really proud.
[Winston] I'm so proud of you.
That's fucking incredible.
I mean, I'm grateful,
and I think I represented myself well.
I think I only embarrassed my family
a little bit.
[upbeat music playing]
[crew member] You're a wild card, man.
Kevin picked you last.
You got any extra pressure?
I do not feel like I need
to impress Kevin anymore tonight.
I feel like he was very impressed.
He just wanted me to close the set
a little bit more efficiently.
And I think I'm going to do that tonight.
I'm going to take the feedback from Kevin
but I'm going to still remain
true to myself. I feel confident.
Muah.
- Papp Johnson!
- [crowd cheering]
- Hello, white people.
- [crowd laughing]
I'm happy to be here.
I was recently in Rome, Italy,
not Georgia.
Yeah.
I really enjoyed Rome, you know?
But the biggest lesson I learned
going to Rome was
that anytime you go to a flight,
you should take a shit at home.
I'm in the bathroom.
I'm thinking I'm going through it, right?
Until this dude comes in,
fucking hitting all the stalls
and walls and shit.
And next thing I hear is, "No!"
"God, no!"
Next thing I saw was a hand come up
under the stall.
I was like, "Hey, man, what you need?"
He's like,
"My stall's out of toilet paper."
"Can you give me some toilet paper?"
And I didn't want to give him
no toilet paper,
but also didn't want
this nigga to touch my leg again.
And that's how I met my best friend.
I turned 40, so I got a bucket list.
I only got one thing
on my bucket list right now,
and that's to meet
a Native American real estate agent.
[Keegan chuckles]
Well, if you liked me, if you love me,
I'mma be signing titties by the bar.
I've been Papp Johnson,
enjoy the rest of your night.
Kev, where's he from, New York, L.A.?
He did first L.A.
So he was actually my alternate.
Like, he had a set, and I felt like…
I was like, "I don't think you gave
the best version of yourself,
but I can tell
that there's a comedy cadence there."
- He did that, he did it again.
- He did it again, yeah.
I just feel like he wasn't prepared.
That was probably
the most disappointing set of the night.
[Papp] I actually feel like ass.
I'm not happy with my set.
I've been better.
I've been a thousand times better
than what I showed tonight.
This wasn't my best,
and I just gotta live with that.
It's so much pressure,
and you got Kevin Hart up there,
you know, watching you.
- And Kumail. You're like, "Shit."
- Yeah. I know.
Ain't no reason
for you to beat yourself up.
You ain't do nothing up there
that you need to be like, "What the fuck?"
Forgive yourself and realize
- that you still a dope-ass comedian.
- Yeah.
I have a hard time sometimes
pouring love into myself,
and I feel like that's one of these times
right now where I'm just struggling
- to pour love into myself.
- Come here, pumpkin.
- It's okay, pumpkin. It's all good.
- [sobs]
- I love you so much.
- It's all right, babes.
[stage manager] Thirty-second warning
for Winston.
- [Eva] All right, Winston.
- Oh! Whoo!
Going into this one,
I'm way less nervous than I was
because the last one, Kevin and Keegan
seemed to really enjoy
the perspective that I brought,
and so I just feel a lot more looser
and more comfortable, so we'll see.
I'm excited to just really surprise them,
especially Kumail and Chelsea,
who definitely haven't seen me before.
[announcer] Winston Hodges!
[Winston] Hopefully, Kevin and Keegan,
I give them more
of what they enjoyed so much
and help me get through to the next round.
Hi, I'm originally from a small town
called Cartersville, Virginia.
It's population less than 500 people.
I recently moved to Washington, D.C.,
and I found this out when I moved to D.C.
D.C. has been ranked
the third gayest city in America.
We got third gayest. That's right.
They gave us the bronze medal of gay.
That's what they focused on.
They said, "Enjoy your third place
of being gay."
And that was alarming
to me for two reasons.
One, I am straight, and two…
I am competitive as hell. So…
When I moved to Washington, D.C.,
and they were like,
"We were in third place," I was like,
"How many dicks to first, brother?"
- "What's the number?"
- [crowd laughing, cheering]
"What do we gotta do?"
I'm trying to bring a championship
back to the city.
Have you lost your mind?
Are you kidding me?
I come from the type of small town
where I had friends and family
back home that were like,
"Winston, aren't you worried
that if you move to D.C.
and you surround yourself
with all that gay nonsense…
that you're going
to end up burning in hell?"
And I was like, "I'll tell you right now,
I'm willing to burn in hell."
Ain't going to be for third place.
I'll tell you that much right now.
Ain't gonna happen, brother. Hell no.
I'll be in hell, but there'll be
a fucking gold medal around my neck,
- I tell you.
- [laughter]
I used to teach at a school for autism.
That was my full-time gig
before I started doing comedy.
You know what I mean?
That was my full-time job.
I did that before stand-up.
And let me tell you right now,
if you ever meet someone that does that,
don't do what a lot of people do.
Don't come up and tell me
that you think vaccines cause autism.
I don't need to hear that.
Every day I'd have a complete stranger
come up and be like, "You do know…
the only reason you have that goddamn job
is because of them vaccines."
"You know that?"
And every day I had to be like,
"Vaccines do not cause autism."
I'm pretty sure anime does though.
You know what I mean?
I'm pretty sure it's a one-to-one
if you like anime.
Welcome to the spectrum, baby.
I don't make the rules.
That's true, man.
I've been Winston Hodges.
- You guys have a great night.
- [cheering]
- That's OG, original.
- It is exactly what we said in New York.
- We were like, "Holy fuck."
- He is… There's no one like him.
- Nobody like him.
- [contestants cheering]
If you had seen the set in New York,
he came out, his take, his bait,
his reverse, it was really good.
- Loved it.
- [Kevin] Seeing that and then seeing him
somehow piggyback off of that
- with more shit--
- More weird, like only-him shit.
[boom bap music playing]
[Felicia] I'm a born and raised
L.A. comedian,
so I do feel a lot of pressure
to represent L.A. really well
and represent Black women
in comedy really well.
I take on that responsibility.
The competition is really steep,
and I recognize that now,
and I want to go
and give it all I got, you know?
Ooh, I can't wait.
[announcer] Show some love
for Felicia Folkes!
[cheering]
- My name's Felicia Folkes.
- [crowd cheering]
Yes. I'm excited to be here tonight.
A little bit about me.
I got three white friends.
Yes, I count them. They count me.
I think fair is fair.
I don't know. It's hard dealing
with my white friends right now
because they're all woke.
You know what I mean?
There's a lot
of new woke white people in my life.
And I've had a problem with that.
You know what I mean?
'Cause my friends are so woke and white,
they almost getting racist again.
- You know what I mean?
- [laughter]
They're starting to fuck with me.
Like, I'll give you an example.
I was outside at night taking pictures
with my friend.
She won't use the flash.
I said, "Kristen, hey, babe,
are you going to turn the flash on?"
"I feel like you can't really
see me that well in these pictures."
I swear to God, this was her reaction.
She was like, "I didn't want to be
the one to point out,
we can't really see you
that well at night."
[laughter]
I said, "Bitch, what?"
It's more racist just to take
these pictures and post them tomorrow
like I didn't go to Vegas
with you bitches.
It's more racist that when Kristen tags me
in the pictures the next day,
she tags me in the night sky.
I'm not up there.
[crowd laughing]
- You stupid bitch.
- "Stupid bitch."
I do have a confession too. I got a man.
My boyfriend, he is white.
He's skinny. My boyfriend's real skinny.
I like a nice skinny man.
I don't care what color they are.
I've always liked a nice sliver of a man.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't want no big motherfucker
fee-fi-fo-fumming around my goddamn house.
- [Keegan laughing] "Fee-fi-fo-fum."
- Keep it down.
I like a nice end piece.
You get what I'm saying? Like a…
But my best friend, she hates my man.
She really does.
She doesn't like that he's skinny.
We're both big girls,
and she's always like,
"Felicia, you need to date bigger guys.
We're both big girls."
And I asked her the other day,
"What kind of man
do you want me to be with?"
I swear to God, she goes,
"I want you to be with, like,
a seven-foot guy with an eight-pack."
I was like,
"I've never seen an eight-pack."
She was like,
"Oh, my God, you've never seen one?"
"You don't know what you're missing."
"When a guy has an eight-pack,
his abs are like,
pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow!"
[laughter]
- I was like, "Eight pows?"
- She was like, "Eight pows."
I was like, "Bitch, that's nothing."
When my man takes his shirt off, 24 ribs.
[vocalizing] Pow, pow!
Pow! I'm just saying, it's no competition.
That's all I'm saying.
Bye, guys. Thank you so much.
- Love you, thank you.
- That was great.
- [Keegan] Great set. Great set.
- [Kumail] Yeah!
- We're fucked.
- We're fucked.
- No, we're not.
- That was great.
- That's a fucking great set.
- That was awesome.
- A great set.
- That was exciting to watch.
- That's called a seasoned comedian.
- I loved watching her.
- That's what she did in L.A.
- I could watch her for an hour.
- She destroyed the first time in L.A.
- She was great.
- [Felicia] Thank you. Sorry.
- [Ray] That rib joke is so hilarious.
- [Felicia] Is it? Okay. Thank you.
- [Ray] It's so hilarious. You're so good.
- You're so good.
- Guys, thank you, because I'm scared.
- She's so likable.
- Oh, my God, as soon as she walks out,
whatever that is, she's got that thing
that makes you want to listen to her.
- I understand the hating now.
- Come on.
- Stop.
- I understand.
- You got Steve, you got Caitlin…
- [Keegan] Caitlin.
…you got Felicia.
[Chelsea] Winston,
no one's seen that before.
- Winston is your… Okay
- My number one.
[announcer] Now, y'all ready
for the next comedian?
[crowd] Oh, yeah!
All throughout, you know, my twenties,
I lived in my van
from 2015 to 2023.
Chef salad in the van.
I'm the chef, this the van.
And because of that,
I was able to drive to Atlanta
or, you know, go do a show
for like 100 dollars,
even though it cost
200 dollars to get there.
And if I'm to be
completely honest with you,
at this point, I'm in too deep.
What I'm gonna do,
go learn something else?
I just wanna tell jokes.
It's important for me to represent myself.
My entire strategy
throughout this entire thing
is simply to do the best
that I can do.
Drinking is a weird drug.
And it is a drug. Don't let nobody
tell you nothing different.
Drinking is a drug.
Drinking, right, is a drug
that will open up doors for you…
[laughter]
…that otherwise
would have never been open.
But it'll rob you of everything you need
to take advantage of that open door.
Case in point, recently
I just had my first threesome…
[crowd cheering]
-…attempt. My first threesome…
- [crowd laughing]
First threesome attempt.
This is the thing about a threesome,
if you ain't ready for it,
it ain't gonna go
the way you think it's gonna go.
They just sprung it on me. "Surprise!"
I'm like, "Whoa, wait a minute."
Let me do some push ups
or something first.
[Keegan laughing] "Push ups."
Now, I had been
drinking whiskey all night.
I couldn't feel my face,
let alone my dick. It was bad.
I had that whiskey dick.
And it's fucked up, you know,
'cause your mind want it,
but your body has betrayed you.
Just trying to power through it using
this limp, noodley shit.
[mimics buzzer sounds]
It was like trying to put a gummy worm
through a Cheerio.
Just…
You think your dick gonna
come alive when it get inside?
It's not, you drunk bitch.
[crowd laughing]
Your dick dead.
Drink some Gatorade,
take a nap, try in the morning.
But I couldn't do that.
I started thinking.
I said, "My dick don't work,
but ain't nothing wrong with my tongue."
Nasty, nasty.
And I got to work that night.
You know how nasty you got to get
to overcompensate for this lack
of dick you throwing?
I started licking everything.
Everything. Non-sexy shit.
"What's that? An elbow and a kneecap?
Bring it here."
I'm sucking that.
"Is that and eyeball and a nostril?
Bring it here, damn it."
- Shut the fuck up. You wasn't there.
- [laughter]
After a while, I got tired.
They wore me out, boy.
My jaw was locked up like a pit bull.
Was talking all funny,
I sounded like Sammy Davis Jr.
[mimicking Sammy Davis]
I'm fucked up, man.
[Keegan] He can't say that.
- Ladies and gentlemen, that's my time.
- [cheering, applauding]
He just started off with a joke and story.
He took his time getting there
and was okay
with not coming out
with a joke and hitting it.
- I respect that.
- [Kevin] I like his look.
If he's nervous, he didn't look it at all.
I like his look, and I like the fact
that with his look,
there's an edginess to him
that you don't expect.
- [Keegan] Yeah, I was not expecting that.
- "Fuck y'all! Motherfuckers."
And also, you can relate
to having whiskey dick, you know?
- And not…
- Well…
Is that why you liked him, Kevin?
- Were you relating, Kevin?
- Is that why?
No. If anything,
there's other points that I can relate to.
It was the other parts of the act
that were resonating with you, right?
[producer] Ray, time to go to stage!
- [contestants cheering]
- [Ray] Okay. Bye, guys.
[indistinct chatter]
I feel a little nervous,
but since round one,
I've been instantly on the road.
I've been running the set a little bit.
It's been getting a mixed response.
Working a joke and taking it from a joke
that you think has legs
to a joke that's actually
very good is very difficult.
You have to write every day.
You have to perform every day.
You have to edit your jokes constantly.
I'm Ray Lau, how are ya?
Oh, shit, Asian girl up front.
What's good?
Hey, we made it!
We made it!
So I grew up…
I actually grew up recently, and I'm…
I just finished, okay?
And now you can see
I'm growing a little something here.
I'm a big man now.
Okay, I gotta be honest though,
this mustache is
the most controversial thing of my career.
Okay, I posted a selfie, somebody mean,
he commented, he goes, "You used
to look like a cool Chinese skater,
and now you look like a Korean pedophile."
[crowd laughing]
I said, "That's messed up.
But also, why did the race change?"
[laughter]
"Also, I'm Japanese,
so what the fuck are you…"
What is that? What is that?
I'm not, but he got scared.
He got scared.
I'm a young man now.
Now, there are
certain young man rules, okay?
I was in New York recently.
On the train in New York,
there's rules which is that young people,
we're supposed to give up our seats
for old people, right?
We know this. There I was on the train,
and then this sort of old-ish lady
walked into the train.
Old-ish, okay? Sixty, max.
She come into the train,
and she starts staring at me like…
I'm like, "Bro, you are not old enough."
Sixty? I'm like,
"Nice try, young lady, okay?"
"You got your whole life ahead
of you, all right?"
"You got a couple gray hairs?
I'm stressed out too, bitch."
"You better hang on
to that railing, okay?"
"It's a long ride, okay?" Sixty?
"You're not even old enough
to be president yet, okay?"
What the hell are you talking about?
What do you mean?
Also, I was looking at her,
I'm like, she looked good.
I was looking at her, I'm like, "I would."
And I realized right there,
that's the line,
is if someone come into the train
and you would,
- you don't have to get up for them.
- [crowd laughing]
Am I wrong, though? Am I wrong, though?
I'm like, "I don't have a seat for you,
but you can sit right here, okay?"
I'm Ray Lau, guys. Thank you guys so much.
Really appreciate y'all.
I'll see you around.
- I like the material.
- Really good energy too.
He would, like, step on the laughs
to get a bigger one the next time.
- He was like--
- [Chelsea] Really funny.
- But his set did this.
- [Keegan] Yeah.
- His set just kept doing this.
- [Chelsea] He wasn't nervous.
- He was not.
- Seasoned, right?
Yeah.
I feel great. I feel so good.
I'm buzzing. I'm buzzing.
- [dial tone ringing]
- Call my mom. It's my mom.
She speaks Chinese,
so I'll try to translate for you.
[dial tone ringing]
Oh. She hung up.
Are you worried
about the alcohol consumption
of the audience and how that
will affect them watching your set?
- [Tee] Nope, I need that.
- [Olivia] You need them drunk.
I think the drunker they are,
the funnier I feel.
- I'm with it.
- It's good. A little sauce is good.
- A little sauce.
- [Usama] A little sauce.
[stage manager]
Thirty-second warning for Usama.
[contestants cheering]
New York in this bitch, let them know.
- Thank y'all.
- Usama, go get 'em.
[grunts]
[Usama] Feeling a little pressure.
Caitlin got the best, you know,
got the, you know,
got the what I got last time.
So she's the one to beat for sure.
You know, you want
to be as good every time.
Confident that this set is as good.
It goes a little deeper.
I already know Kevin and Keegan
are on my side from the show.
So I'm excited going in.
I think they're expecting
and I want to rise to the challenge.
- I'm Usama Siddiquee. How y'all feeling?
- [crowd cheering]
It's a good show.
A lot of white guy jokes today.
Y'all okay?
I'm sorry, dude!
I don't know, man.
I wish I had a white mom sometimes.
I don't know. Easier chores, right?
Right?
White mom chores are like,
"Hunter, take out the trash."
Right? And Hunter's like,
"Mom, you're a bitch."
White mom chores are cute.
Immigrant mom chores are like,
"Hey, go fix my business."
Go!
That's level one chore at the house.
Growing up,
I'd be like playing video games.
My mom's like,
"Hey, get up and get me a passport. Go."
Uh…
"Sorry, guys, I can't come play outside,
I have to go take on
the U.S. government, okay."
"So, I don't… I don't know."
My mom, her new thing is trying
to get me married.
Have y'all's moms ever tried
to set you up with somebody before?
You know the issue,
they always choose someone
based on what they want, right?
Never based on what you want.
It's never like,
"Usama, you have to meet Lucy."
"She bangs on the first date."
"Mmm…
- Meet Sarah, her ass is juicy." [groans]
- [crowd laughing]
"I hope you find work in sanitation
because she has a dump truck, my guy."
Moms have no idea
where the hos at. Okay?
- Nary a ho, they know.
- [judge] Nary!
Y'all are a great crowd.
Y'all are a very good crowd.
Last show I did was not good.
It was all British people in the room.
I mean, they're great, but it's like,
why is it so hard
when you meet a British guy
not to mimic his accent to his face?
Every time, right? They're like, "Hello!"
We're like, "Don't do it."
[crowd laughing]
Do not, do not, do not, do not, do not.
'Ello.
How are you?
Bro, and it's never
the high-class accent, right?
It's always the lantern
British guy, right?
"I'll take youse across the river."
Every American's British accent
is the Lord of the Rings innkeeper, right?
"Two shillings for a night."
Is that offensive? Little bit, little bit.
Because when he says hi to me
and I go, "'Ello,"
that's like if I said hi to him
and he was like…
[imitates Indian music]
Right?
But I'm allowed to do it
because they pillaged us
for 200 years, right?
So I get the fucking accent.
As you get older,
you realize that every race
got hateable things.
[crowd member] Yeah!
Listen, listen.
Puerto Ricans, Mexicans, beautiful people.
Not one has ever played the quiet game.
East Asians, very smart,
but they drive their kids too hard, right?
Black people are perfect. [scoffs]
Nothing to say there.
Just how about one of these?
Big fan.
Y'all been great.
Thank y'all so much. Seriously.
- [crowd cheering]
- [whistling]
[judge] Look at this shit.
- [Chelsea] There we go.
- They stood up.
- [Felicia] That's great.
- [Correy] They stood up.
He crushed in New York, and he comes
and does the same thing here.
- Un-fucking-believable.
- Bring him back out.
- Can someone bring him back out?
- Someone who's crushed twice
- goes through.
- Yes.
- [stage manager] Come with me.
- [Usama] What? Oh, shit.
- He's back out! He's back out!
- I told you.
Good job, Usama.
Today, you blew me away.
And you should be celebrating this moment.
- You go to the next round.
- I appreciate it.
Thank you. Thank you.
[crowd cheering]
He got a standing ovation in New York too.
That is sharp.
Now, he was awesome.
It's 'cause he's so cute.
How cute is he, though,
with his little dimple?
I mean, I'm not trying to fuck him,
he's like 12.
Well, you're not going to fuck the guy
in a competition, okay?
The man.
[Correy] He earned that.
- [Ray] Oh, yeah, he did.
- [Correy] He definitely earned that.
[Daniel] That's two,
so there's eight left.
- And there were eight.
- [contestants cheering]
[Usama] After 14 years doing comedy,
because comedy, man, it's intense.
It's not just amazing shows like this.
A lot of it is just grueling,
grueling shit.
[Eva] You put on for the town!
You put on for New York.
[Felicia] Congratulations
on winning this thing, bro.
[Eva] I'm so proud of you.
The vindication of doing this work,
it seems like the path was worth it.
[Caitlin] Good job, buddy.
I was like, "Caitlin got it,
I better get it."
[laughter]
- Wait, did they tell you--
- He said you're better than Caitlin.
- [gasps]
- Right, right, right.
A little bit, a little bit.
- No, they didn't say that!
- We heard that. We heard that part.
[Chelsea] I just think in order to talk
on stage for an hour straight
with a microphone,
and no one else is allowed to speak,
you have to understand the pulse
of what's happening
because you're creating the vibe.
So when I walk out on stage,
I'm like, "This is my vibe,
and you're coming with me."
As you become more experienced,
you understand
how to manipulate that energy
so that people are coming with you.
And also, when you're having a good time,
everyone's having a good time.
- [Kumail] Because they can tell.
- [Keegan] It's always infectious.
[Chelsea] You come into a room and you're
in a good mood, everyone's happy.
[Kumail] And you can also tell
when someone's pretending
- to have a good time on stage.
- [Chelsea] Yeah.
My name is Tee.
I'm a horrible lesbian, okay?
Let's get that out right now.
I hate being a lesbian.
This shit hard.
I don't know what you fellas do to them
but by the time they come to me,
these bitches are ruined.
What the fuck are y'all doing to them?
You know what I gotta do
to fuck your bitch?
I gotta give the bitch a pep talk.
I got to look dead at her pussy.
I said, "You is kind."
"You is smart."
"And you is important."
She's got a lot of personality
and not a lot of form or structure.
That's right, yeah. A ton of personality.
I'm a hater.
Yeah. I truly love hating.
It's one of my favorite things to do.
I don't just talk about it.
I actually take action.
Anytime I book a long distance flight,
I make sure to pick a middle seat.
That way I have the opportunity
to separate a loving couple.
I laughed, but it was
like intellectual laughs, you know?
- [Chelsea] Yes.
- Really, really good.
I'm looking for anybody
in they fuckin' forties
- and fuckin' fifties. Where y'all at?
- [crowd cheering]
Oh, look at all of the young babies.
I'm not talking
to you motherfuckers right now.
You gotta understand, when you look
in a crowd of young people,
you can't stare at them for too long.
They spicy. If you stare at a young bitch
for too long, she ready to fight.
What she don't realize is
if you over forty,
if I'm staring at you like this,
bitch, I'm trying
to figure out if I know you.
Kim! Bitch, is that you?
Still really good material.
Not quite as good as Chicago.
[Keegan] Whoever we're choosing from this,
we're saying funny as fuck.
I'm leaning toward people
- who are fucking destroying us.
- Yes.
[upbeat music playing]
Your socks kill shit, come on.
[Felicia] Hey,
you better show it off, girl.
[Olivia] Thank you.
I'm originally from Stilwell, Kansas.
I went to Kansas State University.
99% acceptance rate. Studied theater.
The only department that gave me,
like, a scholarship.
So, I don't know, I just--
Maybe the theater brain in me.
Like, a five-minute set I viewed as more
of a, like, a performance piece.
[stage manager] Olivia,
it's time to go to stage.
- Yes! Yes!
- [contestants cheering]
I love the art of it.
I'm not trying to be famous.
I really just want to do comedy
and I hope people fuck with that.
- I don't know if I can say "fuck."
- [producer] Yeah!
I hope they fuck with that.
I used to work at an STD center.
So maybe some of you recognize me.
[crowd laughing]
It was fun.
The women would come in and I would ask
for their ID, insurance card,
and also a picture of the guy.
Because I'm pretty sure I can tell you
what you have from that.
You know, this one girl was like,
"I don't know, he had a mullet,"
and I was like,
"You don't have much time left."
[laughter]
Yeah, and it's tough out here.
I just asked out my personal trainer,
and he said,
"Sorry, I'm not attracted to you."
And I was like,
"Well, whose fault is that?"
[laughter]
Kinda feel like you should fuck me
or give me my money back.
And I just went out with this one guy
and he showed up wearing red jeans.
So I said, "Oh, are you on your period?"
And then he got mad and he left.
So he was. Yeah.
And I used
to wear a purity ring in college,
because I was told
that I had to save myself for Jesus,
which I think I thought meant,
if I played my cards right,
that one day I'd get
to have sex with Jesus.
But then I was like,
"That doesn't make any sense."
"He's probably a virgin," you know,
because it runs in his family.
And because I grew up so religious,
I didn't stop wearing my promise ring
until like four years ago,
which means, fellas…
you know, I'm bad in bed.
I also break promises. Argh.
- I'm Olivia Carter. Thank you.
- [loud cheering]
- That's another one.
- She fucked things up.
- She just fucked things up.
- She was great in Chicago
- and she was great here.
- [Chelsea] That was awesome.
I loved her.
She has the combo platter
of abstract jokes
and showing her personality.
- At the same-- Yes.
- It's a combo, right?
That's a good observation, Chelsea.
[Olivia] There's like an adrenaline rush
when you're on stage,
and then there's like a come down.
So I'm in the come down,
having a banana, I'm chilling.
[stage manager] Reg, time to go to stage.
All right, gang.
[Reg] I feel amazing to make it past
the first round and into the callbacks.
I tried to play it cool,
but I almost passed out
when they called my name.
I was like…
I don't know what's gonna happen
at the end of this,
but I know I'm in my best version
I've ever been right now.
I was so focused on comedy,
I was ignoring other things
that I needed to keep myself level.
Taking time to work out, eat good,
maybe go to therapy if you need it.
You know, like… Just be a person.
You don't have
to be a jackass to be a dope comic.
[announcer] Show some love for Reg Thomas!
[crowd cheering, applauding]
Yay.
I just celebrated my 39th birthday and…
Thirty-nine's not old,
but like, old things
are starting to happen to me.
- Like, I be falling and shit.
- [laughter]
- Y'all laughing?
- [laughter]
I fall.
I fell down the stairs at the airport.
Nigga, I fell down every step.
I fell so slow,
I was having full thoughts.
I was like,
"I don't believe this is happening."
"At JFK."
I'm getting older,
and I'm trying to do better.
I started going to therapy.
It's a lot of crying in therapy.
And I hadn't cried in years.
And I forgot I'm an ugly crier.
[gasping] That's me.
My therapist be stressed out.
She's like, "Take your time.
Take your time."
But she's charging me by the hour.
So I'm like, "Go, go, go."
"Force it out!"
I like it now.
You get a good cry.
Yo, you feel so light after a good cry.
You feel like you bust a nut.
You feel like you need a nap.
Because everyone got problems.
Two things happened to me
in my life that made me go to therapy.
When I was 17, I got stabbed in a fight,
protecting a friend
who I'm no longer friends with.
And it makes me want to stab him.
And then lastly,
my cousin Gary passed away.
My cousin Gary died of cancer.
He was fighting cancer
since we were 6 years old.
And when we were younger,
I didn't know my cousin was sick,
because the adults
in our family kept it a secret.
But I knew something was up,
because my cousin was lit.
Out of nowhere, one day, he had tickets
to go to WrestleMania.
I was like, "What?"
"Front row?"
A week later, he took me to Disney World,
I was like, "Yo, my nigga."
"Ever since you got this new haircut,
things have really been going our way."
[crowd laughing]
Yo, my name's Reg Thomas.
Y'all been amazing.
Thank you very much.
[crowd cheering, applauding]
- It's a good fucking set.
- That joke at the end was good.
[Chelsea] Yeah, I agree.
The impact that a good comic has
after killing
and you're saying their name.
I'm still saying Ray's name.
I'm still saying Ron.
It reminds me that Steve
remains one of the front runners.
- [Kevin] Yes.
- Even though he's so far away.
- People are killing.
- People are killing.
There's no advantage
to going early or late.
- We gotta start chopping.
- Let's start X-ing out.
We all did pretty good.
It's just kind of up to whatever they're
looking for at this point.
I also feel like
I will never have to perform
under this much pressure ever again.
Obviously, we all hope we go through,
but if you don't,
you can't really be mad
because we all succeeded,
so hopefully they like you.
For a showcase of 18,
- this was a very strong…
- [Kumail] Very strong.
- Very strong.
- Very strong, very solid showcase.
- Very, very strong group of comedians.
- [Keegan] Yeah.
I'm actually extremely happy.
You saw a lot of comedians step up
to the plate and do their job.
Today was an amazing showcase of funny.
I think that's a pretty solid ten.
Let's get ready to go back.
Let's talk to them.
Let's tell them the ten
that we're taking to the next stage.
- Let's do it. Yeah, Kevin!
- [crowd cheering]
[Kumail] Let's go.
Thank you guys so much.
- Thank you.
- Thank you, everybody.
- [Kumail] Thank you.
- [Chelsea] Bye, you guys. Bye.
Hi.
- [Eva] Yeah.
- [Kevin] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [Chelsea] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Eva] I had quite the day.
First of all, I forgot my tag
and beat myself up over it like crazy.
So, you know, I don't know.
[Felicia] I know there's only
eight spots left.
The other two already got picked,
so I know it's tight.
I hope I get through.
You guys did an amazing job tonight.
I honestly was so blown away
that all of you guys are A's.
- Like nobody is a B.
- [Kevin] Yeah.
I've been in this business for many years.
- He's been in it-- Okay.
- Sixty, sixty-five years.
- [Chelsea] Anyway…
- [Kevin] Sixty…
I'm Kevin's great grandmother, okay?
And he's my premature baby.
You can tell by his…
- He's my baby with 50 Cent.
- [laughter]
It's really brave to do stand-up.
And so I really want
to just honor the fact
that you guys all did this
and that you're all ascending.
[Kevin] In this moment,
let's talk about the competition.
We're going from 18,
okay, and we're going to ten.
I saw very smart people that are poised
and polished and positioned
for the next stages of the goddamn craft.
You all have it, but it's a competition.
So because it's a competition,
all can't go.
So I'm trying my best to assemble
the best version of the group
to go to the next stage
to further display that thing.
So the ten that we will choose.
Caitlin, of course,
we gave you the moment.
Congrats on getting
to the next stage, okay?
- [contestant 1] Yeah, yeah! Yeah, Caitlin.
- [contestant 2] Yeah, Caitlin!
- Come on, Caitlin.
- I'm going down the line.
Usama, man, congrats.
- You're going on, okay?
- Thank you.
Number three. Felicia.
[comedians cheering]
You're so fucking likable on stage.
There's such a high level
of charm that you have.
When you talk, I want to listen.
- You're going on. Okay?
- Thank you. [speaks indistinctly]
Top ten. That's exciting.
This was one of the best lineups
I've ever been on in my entire life.
I'm not joking. And everybody crushed.
So I'm very happy I made it through.
Very happy.
Number four. Steve.
- [Felicia] Yeah! Go, Steve! Whoo!
- [Eva] Yes, Steve.
- [contestant] Well done, Steve.
- [Felicia] Come on. Come on.
I know you've been
in the comedy game for a while.
I can tell by how
you approach your fucking craft,
by your style. I can tell by your comfort,
by your writing.
You left me wanting to know more.
I want to know more about your life.
I can't wait to see what's next.
So congrats. You're going on.
- All right?
- Thank you, Kevin. Thank you, brother.
Let's fucking go, man.
Everyone was so good that
just to be able to be at this level,
the second round, was a blessing.
But to move on was…
I'll be living off this for a while.
Number five.
- Olivia.
- [contestants] Hey!
Thank you.
You're so clever,
so smart, and unpredictable.
I don't see the punchlines coming.
It's coming off different.
And that's why we're here.
- So congrats.
- Thank you.
- You're going on. Okay?
- [speaks indistinctly]
[Ron] I feel nervous.
It's a lot of pressure.
You know, it's very easy to fail.
If I didn't make it, then you'd be the guy
with the funny set who lost.
- Winston, you're next.
- [cheering]
The way that you manage a crowd
by talking about topics
that some may be
a little more reserved or hesitant about,
there's such a confidence
in your approach to it.
- All right.
- Yeah.
[contestant] Yeah!
Ron, you gotta fucking thing, man.
You gotta thing, okay?
And, Ron, I'm telling you,
there's this unapologetic charisma
that you have that's just different.
I can tell that
this is really who you are.
- Ray, man, all right?
- [cheering]
- [Felicia] Hell yeah, Ray!
- [Caitlin] Yeah!
You make us laugh.
But there's a dope, confident energy
that you have as well.
- Like, I think you have something…
- [mouths] Thank you.
…very specific that will be true
to the world of Ray.
And as you go on in your career,
it can only get better.
- So congrats to you. You're going on.
- Thank you so much. Appreciate it.
[Kevin] All right.
Down to the last couple.
- Andrea.
- [cheering]
[contestant] L.A. in the building!
Fuck, you talking about style.
Like, there's a nice calm to your comfort.
You had us in your hands,
so congrats to you, okay?
Last one.
This one here was tough.
Man, my heart is in my ass right now.
I'm just ready to get this over with.
Fuck me.
So much pressure.
I don't want the journey to be over.
- Eva.
- [cheering]
- [Kevin] All right? Eva.
- [Caitlin] Come on.
- Eva.
- You got it, baby!
[Kevin] Eva.
- [Eva sobbing]
- That's a real cry.
- That's a real cry.
- I forgot a tag and I felt so bad.
I liked the material.
I didn't see a break.
So I get the moment,
and I get the emotions,
because you've put years
into this fucking craft.
So I will let you have
your emotional moment,
- but your moment is earned.
- I'm so sorry.
It's not given.
You had a fucking great set,
and I did not know about your punchline.
So good work, okay?
- [cheering, applauding]
- [Kevin] All right?
And I want to tell those that are not
in the ten, you made it tough.
- So thank you for doing your job.
- [Chelsea] If you didn't make it,
you're going to make
it in a different way.
I've been disappointed a million times,
and I've persevered
and have had huge wins,
and I've had big losses.
It's part of the game.
This is a long-term obligation,
being a comedian.
You know, if this is what you love,
then you do what you love,
and you persevere.
[Kevin] Thank you all for participating.
To the ten that go,
shit's about to get real.
The next stage
of the competition will be a roast.
Oh, God.
[Kevin] There's a clever approach
to knowing how to navigate
the space of a roast.
And we're just trying
to test your approach
to doing another set
through another dynamic
that you didn't expect.
Like the on-call fucking writing
or the off-the-cuff thinking.
[Steve] It takes me so long
to write a really good joke.
I'm not a guy who does it and moves on.
So it's definitely a daunting thing.
That's not my normal cup of tea,
but I'll drink whatever they give me.
I'll be able to see
how you are under the pressure
underneath a certain amount
of time that you had to prepare.
A lot of cool things go into it, okay?
[Andrea] Roasts.
I can do it. It's just not my favorite.
- [Kevin] Thank you, guys.
- [contestant] Thank you.
[Kevin] Come on, Chels.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Thank y'all. I'll see y'all later.
- Thank you.
- [Chelsea] Bye, you guys.
- [Reg] Congratulations, baby.
- I don't want to go without you.
Nah, you good, dude.
You killed this shit. You earned that.
[Eva] Moving on feels surreal.
I feel a little bit
of anxiety moving on without Reg.
- [Tee] Oh, did good!
- [Usama] Killer.
I'm not really a roaster.
Oh, my God.
I'm getting allergies
just thinking about it.
- [contestant] Oh, my God!
- [overlapping chatter]
[Kevin] Here we go.
The ten comics we chose
are moving on to the next round.
We're going to find out
what they're made of,
and those who stand out
will eventually perform live.
The only strategy is be as weird
and as real as possible.
My best stuff is to come.
[Kevin] That's when I'll turn
the mic over to you.
Viewers vote live on who will win it all.
We're giving someone the opportunity
to earn the respect
of the rest of the world of comedy.
That's a very big deal.
Someone's career is
about to change forever.
My mom was like,
"How much money y'all win?"
I was like, "We win a special."
"We don't win, but you don't
understand what's going on."
The scariest thing
about this entire competition
is the possibility of winning. [laughs]
- [Keegan] Let's do it.
- [Kumail] All right.
- [Kevin] What a day.
- [Kumail] Wheels up.
- [Kevin] My God.
- [Chelsea] Wheels up?
[judges laughing]
What's going on, Andrea? Talk to me.
Hi, I had some inner conflict,
and I wanted to talk to you about it.
Okay.
But basically,
while I admire roast comedians,
I don't see myself as one.
I'm quitting the show.
[suspenseful music playing]
[Kevin] You do understand how big
of an opportunity this is,
what's at stake,
how we're trying to propel
this next level of talent.
And like, are you sure?
Say they ready for the show
I don't know I don't know ♪
Hit another stage, gotta go gotta go ♪
Turned another page
Other chapter long ago ♪
Handling this business
Like a pro, like a pro ♪
Stay authentic, we gon' get it
We drop in it, represented ♪
We jumped in it, gotta keep it hot
With the true sauce in it ♪
- Never gon' stop ♪
- That's proof we wit it ♪
- Never gon' stop ♪
- We will never quit it ♪
- Never gon' stop ♪
- This just the beginning ♪
- Never gon' stop ♪
- You thought that it ended admit it ♪
We gone keep it movin yeah
'Cause there ain't no other way ♪
Only way to do it yeah
Do it every single day ♪
Gotta keep the focus yeah
Locked in and loaded man ♪
That's the way we do it yeah
You must have it backwardz and ♪
- Backwardz, backwardz, backwardz ♪
- Yeah you got it ♪
- Backwardz, backwardz, backwardz ♪
- [song concludes]