Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s01e04 Episode Script

1
Jackie: Please! You must
let me have the talisman.
It is only
a matter of time
before the dark hand
tries to steal it.
We do so appreciate
the warning,
Mr., uh, chan,
was it?
However,
the museum security
has recently
been upgraded
to ensure the safety
of the world-famous
pink puma diamond.
If we can be
trusted to guard
a gem of
- such enormous value,
I'm sure that
your dark hand
will present
no serious threat.
Ugh!
Ohh!
I'm so sorry!
I broke your spy camera--
spy camera?!
Chan?!
- You!
Uh, dark hand guy!
Ow! Hey, I'm
walking here!
Whoa!
You're planning
a heist, aren't you?
When is it?
(Gasps)
(Cell phone ringing)
Aah!
(Using deep voice)
Uh, yeah?
Valmont: Is reconnaissance
complete, ratso?
UhYeah!
Excellent. Then hit
the museum at midnight.
Tonight?!
Is there a problem?
Uh--ahem! No, boss!
(Sighs)
No problem at all.
Jackie: We can't let him
take the talisman.
The magic--
so, what you
gonna do?
Sneak into
the museum before
the bad guys do
and steal
the talisman
yourself?
Huh?! Steal?
What?! Ohh!
That's crazy, Jade.
You're crazy!
You totally are
gonna steal it!
Can I come
with you, Jackie?
No.
(Whining)
Jackie, please!
Tomorrow's Thanksgiving!
It's Thanksgiving Eve.
Where's your
Turkey day spirit?
Jade, I really
want to spend
time with you,
but remember,
you came
into my life
the same day
as section 13
and the dark hand.
Things
have been hectic.
Now, you can't come
with me tonight,
but I promise
I'll take you
to the parade
tomorrow.
All right.
Humph!
Hmm. I said
I wouldn't come with.
Didn't say
I wouldn't follow.
11:00.
One hour till
company arrives.
Mmm! Wintergreen!
Oh, come on!
Oh! Ohh! Ah! Whoo!
Ah! Ohh! Whoo!
(Sighs heavily)
Hi, Jackie!
Aah!
No parade for you.
You got in!
You are so cool!
I'm not cool!
I'm breaking the law.
Uh-huh.
The clock
is ticking.
Uh, make
yourself useful.
I think this mirror
is broken.
Hyah!
Wow! She rules!
Uh, I mean
Go, Jackie.
Hyah!
(Gasps)
(Both sigh)
You guys are
20 minutes early!
What guys?
I'm an independent.
You're not with
the dark hand?
Name's viper.
Both: Someone else
is after the talisman?!
Talisman? I just
nicked the pink puma.
Wow! When I grow up,
I wanna be
just like her!
(Gasps)
A criminal?!
A female
Jackie chan.
(Sputtering)
She is nothing
like me!
Uh, what's
with the minor?
Some kind of youth
outreach program?
Stay out this!
In fact, you are
under arrest!
You do realize we'd
both go to jail, right?
I am not
a crook!
I am an
archaeologist!
(Alarm going off)
Both: Way to go.
Viper!
Ok, no more
"follow the viper".
No problem!
(Sirens approaching)
Whoa! Jackie,
we're rich!
Ah! The puma?
Ohh! The talisman!
Viper! Come back!
Viper!
Don't go anywhere!
(Gasps)
Officer: Freeze!
Hands in the air!
Let's rock 'n' roll!
These saps
won't know what--
hit 'em?
Jackie chan?
A thief?
Well, perhaps there's
hope for him after all.
And what
a thief!
I mean,
the pink puma.
And the talisman.
Go directly
to jail, ratso.
If chan has the talisman,
this will lead you to it.
Uncle on phone:
Jackie
Why did you steal
the pink puma?
There is no puma
in the Chinese
zodiac.
It has no magic!
I know, uncle.
It's complicated.
One more thing
You are a criminal!
You are
- a very bad influence
on Jade!
I know!
That's why I need you
to take the next
flight here and--
one more thing--
oh, wait.
I am getting
another call.
Oh! No, no,
no, no, uncle!
You don't know
how to do that!
I--I am only allowed
one phone call!
Hello!
Uncle's rare finds.
May I help you?
(Dial tone)
Oh!
Officer: Chan, visitor.
Happy Thanksgiving, Jackie!
Jade, are you ok?
The "big meow"
is comfy cozy.
What?
"The cat"
is in the bag.
What?!
I have the pink puma!
Slipped it in my pocket
when you weren't looking.
Guess I sorta
Pulled a viper.
Well, don't pull
any more vipers!
She's
a bad influence.
In fact,
hand the puma over
to the police
right now.
Tsk! Like I was gonna
bring it in here!
Besides, we need to get
the talisman back.
Said so yourself.
I was thinking
I could track down viper
and arrange a trade.
We'll meet
under a rusty bridge!
Betcha New York
has tons of really cool
rusty old Bridges!
Jade, captain black
should be here
anytime to clear up
this whole mess.
Once I'm
out of jail,
i will find viper.
Ohh! You get to do
all the fun stuff!
This is
serious, Jade.
I still don't know
what power
the snake talisman
possesses.
Viper or
the entire city
could be in danger.
Baby face returned
to the scene
of the crime?
(Laughs) Why on earth
would he do
something so--
stupid.
What am I supposed
to do with this?
(Gasps)
Whoa!
(Viper's footsteps)
Now you see me.
Now you don't.
Hello, bro.
What do you want?
What rock is
the legless reptile under?
What?
Tell me where
the serpent sleeps.
What are you
talking about?
Where's
the snake talisman?!
Don't you read
the newspaper?
I took
the pink puma.
See? No talisman,
like the gizmo says.
Now, if you'll
excuse me,
my delicious
prison food
is getting cold.
I'll find it, chan!
Just a matter of time!
Huh?
(Footsteps)
(Screams)
A ghost!
Viper: Hey, there,
baby face. It's me!
Viper?
- The one and only.
And I discovered
your little trinket's
secret power.
Oh, really?
What does it--
d'oh! Never mind.
Enough chitchat.
Let's bust you
out of here.
What?! No!
I don't want
to be busted out!
You do if you want
your doohickey back.
Or should I just
sell the snake
to the highest
bidder?
Hey!
Viper: I got it.
Unh! Ohh! Whoa!
Viper: Follow me!
I can't see you--
whoa!
Jade: Psst! Psst!
Did you bring
the goods?
(Chuckles)
Who are you people?
Uh, this is not
a good idea.
This is
a felony!
You do want
your tchotcke back,
don't you?
Ohh! Just hurry
before
the dark hand
finds us.
You're all right,
Jade.
You got a sharp
criminal mind.
I do?!
No! Jade has a lousy
criminal mind! Come on!
Hey, viper!
Wanna come
to the parade
with us?
- Jade!
We're not going
to socialize
with a criminal.
Maybe another time.
Stay sharp, kid.
Jackie, you should
ask viper out on a date!
She'd be
such a cool aunt!
What the--
(gasps)
It's counterfeit!
Now she has the gem
and the talisman!
Viper
pulled a viper
On me?
Old proverb
"There is no honor
among thieves."
Let's find her.
Let's!
(Gasps)
Tea?
How'd you get past
my security system?
The talisman, please.
It's not for sale.
(Chuckles) Oh, I didn't
plan on buying it.
Fellas,
secure the talisman.
Viper: Can't have
what you can't see,
sugar.
And you can't hide
from the dark hand.
Let me go!
(Window opens)
The ledge! And while
you're at it,
pilfer the puma,
por favor.
Ugh! We lost her.
They didn't!
Look, Jade!
You get to watch
the parade after all!
Uh, wait here.
I'll get you a soda.
Grr!
I'm sorry!
I'll bring it back!
Thank you!
Hey!
- Look out!
Watch it!
Excuse me!
Sorry!
Jade: Unh!
Whoa! Heads up!
Ohh!
Jackie!
Hey, sorry about
the double cross.
But can you blame me?
It's my sign!
Snake. Viper. Get it?
(Sighs)
Here!
Jade: Make sure it's real
this time, Jackie.
And where's my soda?
D'oh! Ack!
(Gasps)
Company!
Whoa!
Whoa!
- Check it out!
Wow!
Jackie: Ha ha!
I'm here!
No, I'm here!
Or could I be here?
Or maybe here?
Ha ha! Perhaps
I'm over here!
Or maybe I'm
nowhere at all!
Oh.
(Screams)
Alley-oop!
Nice move.
Please! I do not socialize
with criminals.
Ow! Ugh! Aah! Unh!
Ooh!
Green is totally
your color.
Mine!
Aah!
(All screaming)
All: Whoa!
Well, I am getting
to see the sights.
What sights?
It just vanished!
Where'd it go?
(Sirens approaching)
That would be my cue.
Sorry I
let you down, kid.
Yeah, whatever.
And thanks for the save
back there, baby face.
I owe you one.
Then give me back
the puma!
I have to return it.
The police think
I took it. Please!
Uh, Jackie?
I know you told me
never to pull a viper
again, but
She owed you one.
But how--
- officers: Freeze!
It's ok! I have it!
It's yours!
Real good. Now,
tell us what you did
with the statue
of Liberty.
Ernie: Hey, Jackie?
Yes?
Do you ever get scared
doing a stunt?
Yes, of course.
Every time when
I'm doing a stunt,
my heart just, like,
beating--boom-boom!
Chasing,
jump over the building,
across the motorcycle,
uh, into the car,
outside the car
in one shot.
I'm crazy,
but I'm not stupid.
I know how far
I can jump,
how high I can go.
Boom-boom!
Of course I'm afraid.
I'm not a Superman.
I just like to do it.
Especially
in the theater
when the audience,
"yeah!"
Everything's worth it.