Salish & Jordan Matter (2026) s01e05 Episode Script

The family that lives in this house
spends $1,000,000 a day.
Wow. Nice house.
[Salish] And I have to do whatever
they say for the next 24 hours.
You stole my necklace!
And the family that lives in this house
spends $1 a day.
[Jordan] And I'm gonna have to do
everything they say for the next 24 hours.
[shouting] Team Jordan!
[both] First person who quits loses,
and the winner gets the Matter Cup.
Oh, just say it.
No. That's weird, Dad.
It's not cringe.
Look at this. I'm never gonna wanna leave.
[knocking]
This place is so nice.
- Hello.
- I'm Salish. Your kid for the day.
Nice place.
Miss Salish is here.
"Miss"?
They live in the middle of nowhere,
so I can't imagine they're social.
Probably be kind of quiet.
[knocking]
- Okay. Hi.
- You must be Jordan.
Jason, Kitty. Nice to meet you.
Look at the size of this guy.
- Ready for chore number one?
- [chuckling] No.
You'll have the best day.
It'll be awesome.
Chores?
So am I waiting for someone, or…
[classical music playing]
If you are gonna live under this roof,
you must look the part.
- These clothes simply will not do.
- Okay.
What do you have
in that disastrous suitcase?
Rude.
I have so many nice clothes in here.
I love them so much.
First, we have that top.
- She wears that?
- In our house?
- No way.
- [cackling]
We have this hoodie. It's really cute.
And plain gray sweats.
If you wanna borrow, you can.
Look at these jeans. If you put
this hoodie, just imagine, it's so cute.
Enough. You have to throw all that away.
- Throw them away?
- I've got something much better.
I've got you. I'm their personal stylist.
- I'm gonna make you beautiful.
- Okay.
- She's wearing stripes.
- [cackling]
Excuse me, madam.
May I briefly go to the washroom?
- [scoffing]
- [bell ringing]
You have two butlers?
Obviously.
What if they have to go to the bathroom?
Not have one?
[cackling]
Is something funny?
- [mockingly] "Not have one?"
- [cackling]
[panting]
- Why am I doing this?
- [laughing]
You are powering our whole house
with the bike.
- House?
- Yeah.
Great. Why don't you get a generator?
We've got money. We just don't waste it.
One hour on this bike,
and you are powering our whole house.
Why pay for electricity
when you don't have to? Look at you.
- [laughing]
- Yay!
We do not wear stripes ever.
And those shoes.
I just got these yesterday.
- They look so, so old.
- Just like you.
- And where is your belt?
- My belt? Ew, no.
Did a blind person dress you?
- I dressed myself.
- That's obvious.
- We have Versace, Dior, or Chanel.
- What's the difference?
- Actually, I have everything. [clapping]
- Oh, okay.
- How long?
- As long as you keep the electricity on.
- Okay.
- You can do it.
[light clicks]
[gasping] Oh! No!
- [Kitty] Keep going.
- Okay. Sorry.
[gasping]
- How's he doing?
- It's working.
This will be perfect. It's Dior.
It better be perfect.
Okay, thank you.
- "No butler."
- [both cackling]
- What's next, no chef?
- [both cackling]
What was that? This house is so big,
I don't know which one's my room
and where to change.
Also, I thought my fit was okay.
It wasn't amazing,
but it also wasn't terrible.
They were just being so rude.
Their fits aren't that good either,
[sucking teeth] not gonna lie.
House is huge.
Expensive clothes
don't automatically look good.
Is this my room? Oh, no, not my room.
All we need is about another hour.
- What? Hour?
- Then we're good. Keep going.
[sighing]
Ugh. Keep going!
In case you're wondering,
I lost rock, paper, scissors to Salish.
Ah!
I thought having a rich family
would be more fun.
But they've just been roasting me.
I'm not gonna quit because
I can't do those dishes. Absolutely not.
I wonder what my dad's doing.
[panting] Should I just quit?
No. I'm not quitting.
If I lose to Salish,
I'll never hear the end of it.
Is this my room? Cross my fingers.
Yes, it is.
I'm gonna get changed
and hopefully, it looks good.
[mock crying] I can't do it anymore.
Hopefully, that was enough.
- [light clicks]
- Oh.
- [panting]
- Hey, there he is.
- Sorry I couldn't go longer.
- Don't worry.
- Tomorrow, you'll do a lot better.
- Tomorrow?
We saved $5.80 in electricity.
Yay! Do you have
breakfast or coffee or anything?
We make our own coffee.
- Oh, yay.
- Young lady.
[upbeat music]
I'm looking for chickens 'cause I asked
for breakfast and I have to do it myself.
- [shouting] Where are chickens?
- Your breakfast is there.
[upbeat country music]
- Oh, boy.
- Feed 'em while you're in there.
- You got this.
- Do they bury their eggs?
He won't make it for 24 hours.
- Look behind you.
- Oh!
- So much better, don't you think?
- I love it.
I hate it. It's uncomfortable.
Why is it so expensive?
It's a normal dress. I don't get it.
- Fresh eggs. Wow.
- Yeah. 30 seconds ago, very fresh.
They're kind of warm.
- They might have poop on 'em.
- Oh.
- You're not afraid of poop, are you?
- No!
No, that's nothing.
I broke one.
Do you have something to put them in?
This isn't bad.
Aw. Look at you.
Oh, my God. He's terrible.
Now that you're dressed properly,
time for table etiquette.
I know all about this.
My dad did it one time,
and I was in my room,
and I was telling him what to do,
so I'm a pro.
[cackling]
Our chef will be preparing lunch at 1 p.m.
You won't eat
until you've mastered proper etiquette.
- Let me guess. You have two chefs?
- We only have one.
- Only one.
- One chef.
- We need two.
- We totally need two.
- I'll take care of it.
- Yes.
Now we have two.
- This is so cool.
- There you go.
Like, I can't even… Oh!
- Oh.
- Oh, okay.
- That's a shame.
- He's not gonna end up a farmer.
I'm so sorry. They're looking at me.
Wow. It's a nice house.
[knocking]
What is he doing here?
- What's her name?
- Petula.
Petula.
Salish has a mansion, pool,
rich people, but I've got Petula.
They have the same hair. Aw.
- Miss Salish, you have a guest.
- A guest?
- During etiquette hour?
- And it's a boy?
Give me one minute.
I'll be done in one second.
- I'll be right back.
- What's he wearing?
I'm ready to eat,
but I didn't see a kitchen in your home.
- It's because this is our kitchen.
- Oh.
- You got this.
- I don't know.
- Is that her boyfriend?
- Not a boyfriend.
I hope not, because he's a disaster.
He's wearing all black.
Ugh! I'm wearing all black.
It looks beautiful on you. Beautiful.
But look at his shoes.
And his baggy pants.
What is wrong with this kid?
His hair's covering his eyes.
I can't see him. Can you see us?
[cackling]
It's hot, and I'm tired.
I haven't taken a shower. I'm starving.
How do I lose to this kid every time?
50-50 shot I had to be at a mansion.
Instead, I ended up here. They're nice
and everything, but this sucks.
I cracked an egg on my hand.
The chicken was sweet, but this is
really hot. I don't know if I can make it.
These aren't my parents. They're strict.
They put me in this dress and shoes.
Not my choice, so don't mind that.
- What are you doing here?
- The dress is nice.
Thank you. Not my style, but thanks.
Last time we talked, we got interrupted.
- No one's--
- Oh my gosh.
- No. Oh my God.
- All right, no date. It's okay.
Yeah, my bad. That was awkward.
We should go on a date.
I have everything planned out.
What is going on? Ugh.
- Best places ever.
- Let's hear it.
- Dinner, five-star restaurant.
- Okay.
- Smoothies, ice cream.
- Smoothies. Okay. Yeah.
Thank you for coming.
We can talk tomorrow or something.
Hold on one minute, lady.
Who is this gentleman?
What are these pants?
His two legs can fit in one side.
So baggy!
Wait…
He thinks he has rizz!
[cackling]
- "Rizz"?
- I don't know them.
I can't see his eyes.
- [cackling]
- Well, anyways, it was so nice to see you.
We can talk tomorrow. I can't quit this.
- Bye.
- Thank you for coming.
- Bye.
- What was that?
That was… [chuckling] that was weird.
- Who are you associating yourself with?
- What do you see in him?
You're laughing in those outfits?
Uh… what?
- You are beautiful.
- [fake crying] Thank you.
This is all free.
Takes a little time, though.
I could've had
breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a nap.
Scrambled eggs.
Usually use a clean spatula,
but, hey, dirty stick.
That's breakfast.
So how is it?
Yum! That is like the freshest egg.
Average egg sandwich costs $6.95.
You just saved a fortune.
And it's better.
What's Salish eating today?
Thanks to your boyfriend,
we're running late.
Not my boyfriend.
[bell ringing]
BEVERLY HILLS
SOUP
- Thank you.
- Did you say thank you?
- Yeah?
- [cackling]
That's like thanking a dog
for wagging its tail.
- Why do you think…
- You're welcome.
Did you just speak?
- I--
- Do not speak until you're spoken to.
- Get out of here.
- Get out of here. Disgusting.
- [cackling]
- This is so weird.
They're rude to their butler,
and they don't say thank you? What?
[mockingly] She said thank you.
Do I have to do this all day?
It's okay. I can't quit.
I know you've been waiting for this.
Coffee time.
Actually, yes!
- We're gonna DoorDash you Starbucks.
- That's right.
- Really?
- No. [laughing]
Just kidding, buddy.
- Welcome to our coffee bar.
- What now?
Why would anybody go to Starbucks?
It's crazy. They want
sometimes $10 for a cup of coffee.
- Criminal.
- Natural!
- And doesn't cost a penny.
- Nothin'.
Get the coffee beans.
Grind them up, boil the water, pour it in.
Bada bing, coffee.
What could be easier?
You're saving a fortune.
- I love you.
- It's a…
It's a no-brainer.
This is vegetarian, right? Looks good.
[gasping] Excuse me?
We don't attack our food.
- We use a spoon.
- What?
Our angel of a son, Dudley,
will demonstrate.
DUDLEY
Mother, Father,
exquisite as always.
He literally just sipped soup. Oh my gosh.
Now you've seen it done perfectly,
would you like to try?
Yeah, wow. He sipped soup. Look.
[clanging]
Was that all?
Yeah. I'm a picky eater,
but I know how to eat soup.
This is gonna be awful, but I need coffee.
You might wanna check out Salish.
Gonna take a minute.
I think she meant to do this.
- Yes, Dudley!
- He spilled it on the plate.
He spilled it.
[both laughing] You know Dudley.
- He spilled it.
- He's perfect.
- He's so perfect.
- What?
Can't imagine what they have planned.
I bet Salish is having
the time of her life.
How did I get in trouble
and I just took a normal bite?
- You spilled that.
- I didn't.
What the heck? How are you not in trouble?
How are you the favorite?
You haven't been here for more than a day.
- You don't know how to sip soup.
- You spilled all over.
- It was already there!
- That plate is a mess.
The harder you work,
the more you appreciate something.
But I'd appreciate
just getting a Starbucks right now.
But we can't
'cause we can only spend a dollar all day.
We've got everything we need, right?
- Everything.
- Everything. Yeah.
Wait. Ha! Finally! Freshly ground coffee.
Oh, wow. That smells really good.
My plate is clean.
- I'm sorry.
- And yours is a mess.
- Truce?
- Okay, fine. Truce.
Do you mind if I show you
how they want you to sip soup?
Um, sure.
This isn't how they do it at Starbucks.
I've been at it for an hour.
I'm sure Salish is sitting
by the pool, feet up,
having a blast,
sipping a Starbucks Refresher.
Pick it up like this.
Come on, my butler does this all the time.
I'm so sorry.
I am so, so sorry. I did not mean to.
This is such an expensive dress.
What do I do?
Why did you do that?
Mother, Father,
she spilled soup on her dress!
No, I didn't.
Come on! Look, see?
- I didn't.
- A big splatter.
- [gasping]
- He spilled it onto me.
That dress is worth $50,000.
He was feeding me the soup
and he put it on me.
And now you blame him?
Actually, I promise.
He spilled it onto me.
He literally took the spoon.
- There's no way he'd--
- This is disgusting.
Our son would never do that.
Go to your room.
- Go and change.
- What? I'm not four.
I didn't do it.
We're sorry.
That'll never happen again, okay?
You are so perfect.
You're so sweet.
- It's gonna be okay, okay?
- We know you're perfect.
That's really good. What the heck?
That is delicious. Wow.
- And you just saved yourself $8.42.
- I did, yes.
Imagine if you did that every day.
How much would that be?
- Sandy, cue a number.
- What?
That's a lot of money!
I just saved over $3,000
if I did that every day.
- Who's Sandy?
- No idea.
Next thing. I'm pumped up!
Dudley just spilled all the soup on me.
Ew, it's disgusting. Oh my gosh.
Why can't I wear my usual clothes?
They look better
and they're more comfortable.
Also, why was Gabe here?
Thank God he didn't come now
because I do not look good right now.
It's hot out here.
Okay! Whoa!
Okay, I think I just saw
a snake or something.
I got into my new dress.
Let me show you my room.
The closet, it's huge.
It's a walk-in closet, but whatever.
And look at this.
I have a sauna in my room.
I could just sit right here
and lie down and just steam.
I don't understand the point.
You just get hot without the tan.
Do you see this? It's huge.
This is what I thought I was getting.
But Dudley is out to get me.
I'm in a dress that I actually hate.
I can't let my dad know I'm gonna lose.
He cannot brag to me
about him having the Matter Cup.
And I'm not doing dishes.
Salish is the worst when she wins.
It's all she talks about.
I hate dishes and I have to do them
for a week if I lose.
I don't know what to say
about this family. They're weird.
And the kid, like, I don't know
what's going on. Oh, my goodness.
- Hey, Salish.
- My gosh.
I am so sorry about the soup.
I got swept up in the moment.
I didn't wanna get in trouble, so…
- I got you this.
- Oh, thank you.
Only four times more expensive
than your dress.
Oh, wow.
I wanna give this to you.
Um, thank you.
- Just wear it around the house.
- Okay, I will.
- Make sure to wear it around the house.
- Thank you so much.
Bye.
Guess I'll wear it around the house.
- Having a good time?
- [sighing] It's great.
See the hay? It's gotta go up to the barn.
- I'll check back and see how you do.
- That's steep.
Tell me Salish is having a hard time.
She quit yet?
- No.
- No?
I'd never be able
to afford jewelry like this.
I never wear jewelry like this.
It's weird Dudley gave it to me,
even though he ratted me out.
Or I think that was him ratting me out.
I have no idea with this family.
Oh.
Ow. Oh, I'm stuck. I'm actually stuck.
Collin, I'm stuck.
Seriously, Collin, I'm stuck.
Ow. Are you kidding?
This is my good black T-shirt.
- All your shirts are black.
- This is the good one.
There's a pool. It's gorgeous,
so I'm gonna go take a swim.
I've got my pool bag.
I'm all ready
to go take a dip in the pool.
Finally, being in a super fancy house
is gonna be worth it.
It has not been going well,
but I think this pool is gonna be fun.
Once I'm in the pool, I'm not quitting.
Dad, you're gonna lose.
Are you kidding me?
[panting]
Ugh.
I qui…
[exhales] That was close. No.
Matter Cup is mine.
Team Jordan, we can do this.
[shouting] Ah!
Might wanna check in with Salish.
Gonna take a minute.
That's halfway through one.
I'm not gonna make it.
Gotta be honest,
he's doing better than I thought.
I still don't think he's gonna win.
[sighing]
- She thinks she's like Dudley.
- No, she's nothing like Dudley.
Dudley's precious.
- She thinks she's gonna win.
- She's gonna quit any second now.
[bell ringing]
Where are they?
- Hello? Do they not hear the bell?
- Hello?
- Where are you?
- Where's the help?
[clanging]
[bell ringing continues]
My drink is empty.
- We were cleaning.
- I don't care.
I have been waiting for my drink
way too long.
Get in the sauna for 30 minutes.
Give me that bottle! Ugh!
Go now!
[cackling]
- [both cackling]
- [glasses clinking]
- I'd have made him do it for an hour.
- [both cackling]
It's a rough day, but I'm not quitting
'cause I'm sick of losing.
All righty, guys.
Pool time.
- The water looks nice.
- What do you think you're doing?
What are you doing? You cannot go in.
- We do not touch that water.
- Why not?
That water's just for show.
Imported from the Dead Sea.
It's worth more than this estate.
What do you mean? It's a pool
with water which people swim in.
'Cause it's a pool.
No, this pool is priceless.
Beautiful to look at, but not touch.
What are we supposed to do?
Sit by the pool?
Where did you get that necklace?
Um…
- Uh…
- [Mother scoffing]
- That's yours.
- My necklace!
- You stole my necklace.
- What?
Where'd you get that?
Tell us right now. No excuses.
Dud…
Um…
Dud…
It was in my room.
And since you guys are so generous,
I thought it was a gift for me, you know?
'Cause you guys are so sweet
and just nice, you know?
You guys are awesome.
That's no excuse.
- You stole it.
- You are generous.
- We are generous and perfect.
- Obviously.
- But you stole that and that is not okay.
- I can go take it off.
- Take it off.
- It's a family heirloom.
You need to take it off right now.
Take that off. And go upstairs.
All right.
I'll go upstairs like I'm four… again.
[gasping]
- Can't believe her!
- A family heirloom!
[cackling] She's crazy.
Do you know people
will charge $50 to clean out a stable?
Fifty bucks, man!
You're gonna do that for us today.
We're gonna save $50. Isn't that great?
- I'm cleaning the stable?
- Absolutely.
Oh, good boy.
You know what he does after lunch?
- Takes a nap?
- He takes a poop.
- That's where you come in.
- I think I'm gonna quit really soon.
[Mother sighing]
[clanging]
- We'll be dining precisely at one o'clock.
- Yes, madam.
- Will you be making Dudley's favorite?
- Of course.
- Carry on.
- Thank you.
[exhales]
[classical music playing]
[country music playing]
Not the best day for Crocs.
I don't care what Salish is doing.
Couldn't possibly be worse than this.
In this one stall
is a lifetime of Boomer poops.
Ugh! [groaning]
I might quit, but it has made me realize
how much money I waste every day.
- I did it.
- Five more stalls. Isn't this great?
[groaning]
We spend a million a day.
We've spent nothing
'cause we're trying to work with her.
[sighing] I know, Mother and Father.
It must be so hard,
but we made a commitment
to at least give one try to this girl.
And you know what I always say.
The show must go on! ♪
- Yes.
- Yes, honey!
- You're perfect.
- You are an angel.
We'll give her one more chance.
Anything for you.
I've said it so many times.
- Best things in life…
- [both] Don't cost a dime!
Your poop.
- How you feeling?
- Tired.
If we hired someone to clean
these stalls, it would've cost us $50.
- I could've paid you $50 to not do that?
- No.
Can I get a shower?
- We'll get you cleaned up.
- Thanks.
- He's gonna hate this. [laughing]
- Why would I hate it?
Guys, that pool was crazy.
I mean, why can't you swim in it?
It's just a pool with water in it.
Dudley, I just saved him.
He'd be in so much trouble
if I said he gave me that necklace
because he was not supposed
to do that, clearly.
Why is he trying to sabotage me?
I could have gone to jail for stealing.
I don't know how long I can do this,
so I'm gonna call my dad
and hope he's gonna quit soon.
Salish is FaceTiming me.
I bet she's about to quit.
Hey. How you doing?
Um… I'm okay.
I'm not gonna quit anytime soon.
Neither am I. Nice necklace.
- You're not gonna quit?
- No. I'm having a great time.
Are you sure? It sounds like hard work.
You have to take care of the animals.
I'm having a great time. Hard…
Easiest thing I've done. Great day.
- I heard your parents are mean.
- They're fine. I'm not gonna quit.
Totally. I'll stay here all year.
Let me see your home,
because look at mine.
Mine is so nice.
Here, I'll show you my bedroom.
- You have your own balcony?
- Look at this view.
Wow.
Look at the pool.
You're not allowed to swim in it.
- Weird.
- But I don't wanna.
Doesn't matter how nice a house is
or how rich you are
if you're not with loved ones.
- And I'll bet you anything you miss me.
- Not at all.
- You're gonna quit. I can see it.
- No. Love you. See ya!
- You're gonna quit any minute.
- Nah, bye! Love you. Quit.
[sighing] She won't quit.
I don't know if he's lying
because I was and maybe he could tell.
I hope I don't have to do this
too much longer because this is hard.
Oh man, I need a new job.
Me too, man.
Let's see. What about a ski instructor?
I can't ski.
If they hire you,
they can't ski either. It's perfect.
Oh, lifeguard.
Oh, I can't swim.
How often do you go into the water?
[chuckling]
- Here's your bath.
- Seriously?
It's dirty.
It's not that dirty. We have the water
in there for about a month.
You've used this? This is recycled water?
Absolutely.
Do you know how much money we're saving?
Average ten-minute shower, 49 cents.
Forty-nine cents?
To you use your old water?
No! Can I just take a shower?
Is there a lake?
Forty-nine cents every day
for a month. It adds up.
- Do you know how much you're saving?
- The graphic.
Who is… Who's Sandy?
Wow, that is a lot of money.
- There. Enjoy.
- Enjoy your bath.
You didn't pee in this, did you?
- Maybe.
- Ugh!
I'm so sorry about the necklace.
I didn't think my mom would notice.
She has like 20
of those "family heirlooms."
[sucking teeth] Uh-huh.
It's good to see you two behaving.
Mm-hmm.
- [water splashing]
- Ugh.
[spitting] Ugh.
Oh man, if this doesn't get me to quit,
nothing will. Ugh.
Let's have lunch.
[bell ringing]
[door squeaking]
Thank you.
Where are the butlers?
I don't know. It's as if they disappeared.
What's up? We're the butlers.
Blow us up on TikTok, yo.
[hip hop music]
[bell ringing]
- Where are the butlers?
- I have no idea.
You locked them in the sauna.
- What are you smirking about?
- Nothing.
We saved $71.36.
Okay. That's awesome. Congratulations.
All this money that we save,
we donate to charity.
- You do?
- Yes.
We give to people less fortunate than us.
- Is that why you live so frugally?
- $71.36 we saved just in one day.
Sandy, cue the graphic.
Whoa!
Over $26,000 you donate every year?
Every year.
Wow. I'm gonna pledge right now
to donate $1,000 in your name
to whatever charity you choose.
- That's awesome.
- Wow.
Master Dudley,
cake for lunch every day. Bon appétit.
This is late,
we don't have time to enjoy it.
Madam, it's 1:02 and a half.
I flew to Italy on the private jet.
Stop talking.
Don't ever talk back to us again.
- I'm so sorry.
- We have no butlers.
You two are gonna be alone.
Make sure he does his homework.
- Won't be hard 'cause he's a little angel.
- That's right.
- [Father chuckling]
- Aw, we love you, sweet boy.
Mama's boy.
- Have fun.
- Be good.
Bye, Mother. Bye, Father.
- Ta-ta!
- Bye!
Love you.
Love you.
You!
You know I hate flowers on my cake.
But Master Dudley, it's late summer.
Shut up. Make me another one now!
[sobbing]
That's how I feel about your stupid cake.
Look at them. I mean, obviously,
they are so happy with their lifestyle.
But it's kind of kicking my butt
a little bit, so I've got a plan.
I know how to win the Matter Cup.
I am going to go to sleep.
By the time I wake up,
Salish will have quit. I'm sure of it.
Sorry to interrupt you having a moment.
- This has been fun, huh?
- Yeah.
But I'm tired. You guys put me to work.
I'm gonna be sore tomorrow.
I was thinking of going to sleep early.
- Yes--
- Where do I sleep?
Go down the path, make a left
at the oak tree, go up about 100 yards,
make a left, then another sharp right.
Your bed's gonna be there.
You're gonna sleep like a baby.
See you in the morning.
First thing, bright and early.
Pass an oak…
I don't know what an oak tree is.
- Is that an oak tree?
- I don't think so.
How is there a bedroom here?
Ah! Trying to scare away rattlesnakes. Ah!
It better be a comfortable bedroom
with an AC,
'cause I'm dirty again.
I can't make it all night
unless I got a nice, comfortable bed.
Soft and squishy. That'd be awesome.
Listen, I'm the boss. I'm the favorite.
So you gotta do whatever I say.
What happened?
You're not rich.
You're not part of this family.
I don't even want to be in this family.
This family is so weird.
I lose to Salish all the time.
I'm sick of it.
- I'm not… What?
- It's right there.
Oh, is that it?
Maybe it's cool inside? I'm not quitting.
[dramatic music playing]
[sighing] Okay, I'm gonna quit.
I am done.
It's not official
until I tell them I'm quitting,
which I'm gonna go do now.
- Why are you yelling?
- You think we're crazy?
- Your family is crazy…
- Why are you yelling?
Okay, chill out.
Oh my gosh,
I don't even wanna be in your family.
Your family is weird.
If you don't like it, hit me with a cake.
- No, I'm not…
- Hit me with a cake. I dare you!
- Why?
- Hit me with a cake.
Hit me with a cake. I dare you!
How are we gonna get there?
We should walk.
- [both cackling]
- [Mother gasping]
Oh shoot, I forgot my handbag.
You call the Uber. Be right back.
Make sure it's a VIP Uber.
- Hit me with a cake!
- Dare me one more time and I will.
I dare you!
If that's how it is, fine.
- [Mother screaming]
- I hope you like cake.
What did you do?
What did you do?
She always forgets her handbag
and then comes back one minute later.
[laughing evilly]
[yelling] This is ridiculous.
I know, poor kid!
- My little angel!
- Stop!
He is not an angel. He's a devil.
You have no idea who your kid is.
I quit. You know what?
I'm gonna swim in your pool.
[yelling] Our pool? No!
Okay, I checked out the bed.
I don't think I could sleep there.
Thanks everything, but I don't think
I'm as good a person as you guys.
I think I can't make it. I'm gonna…
Wait. Sorry. I'm getting a FaceTime.
Dad, just wanted to let you know I quit.
[yelling] Not the pool!
- I'm going for a swim.
- [splashing]
[yelling] Ah! No!
[fake crying] My Dead Sea
salt water is ruined.
What? Ha!
- She quit!
- Oh!
She quit!
Ah! She quit! You…
Ah! [laughing joyfully]
I got the Matter Cup!
I got the Matter Cup!
[joyful laughter continues]
[all] Woo-hoo!
Moral of the story?
Cake is good,
and money doesn't buy happiness.