The Venture Bros (2003) s01e05 Episode Script

Cool!
Hey, Pop, you didn't tell us
we were going to Africa today!
Ahh, great. They're up.
Dude, look! Elephants!
That's
Loxodonta africana.
You can tell which ones are the males
because they're the only ones with tusks.
I got no problem telling
which one's the male, bro.
Check out the fifth leg on that beast.
It's called a trunk.
It's called you're a spaz,
and that ain't what I'm talking about.
Brock, be ready with your tranq gun
on my signal.
Those two are going to be
bouncing off the walls
if they figure out where we are.
Dr. Venture, you're right on time.
My assistant, Mandalay,
is standing by to escort you
Um, yeah, OK, great.
That'll be fine. Over and
And may I take this opportunity
to welcome you
- Oh, crap.
- To Brisbyland!
Brisbyland!
Brisbyland!
This is gonna be phat city!
I am all over that teacup ride!
Boys, halt!
You are "all over" no such thing.
You're both to stay aboard the X-1.
- What?
- Aw, weak!
Weak, schmeak, Hank.
We're here for business, not for fun.
- But, Pop!
- What are you, on the rag?
It's impossible for me to be on the rag.
I'm a I can't believe
I'm even arguing about this with you!
What men's room did you pick up
that kind of trash talk in?
Nice. Well, I was going to let you go on the
Runaway Shoe ride after my meeting
but you two just sassed
yourselves back on the X-1
so march!
Ahh, look at this family values freakfest.
This place is so squeaky clean,
it gives me the wicked jeebies.
Hey, Pop black guy.
You must be Mandalay.
I'm Dr. Thaddeus Venture.
This is my bodyguard Brock.
I, um
Have an appointment with Mr. Bris
Mute.
Come in, Dr. Venture. Come.
I'm afraid your man will have
to wait outside
while we discuss business, however.
Easy, Brock. He's a cripple
and he's, like, 100.
What's gonna happen?
Welcome, Dr. Venture,
to the funnest place on earth!
Holy damn it Christmas!
Does my appearance
startle you, Dr. Venture?
No, not at all.
I as a man of science
I see all kinds of things.
Several years ago, I fell victim
to an animatronic accident here at the park.
Trapped beneath an unstoppable
metal Lincoln for two hours.
It's enough to give anyone a stroke.
Well, you
Look like a million bucks.
All thanks to this little bee.
Panda's milk?
Huh? Um, OK.
One of the rarest beverages on earth,
and a natural elixir.
It's actually not that disgusting.
That noise is making
me nauseous, though.
Oh, that?
That's just Li-Li enjoying her lunch.
Li-Li?
Yes, my longtime companda.
I won her from David Bowie
in a trivia contest.
This was 1980, '81 perhaps,
years before the big trivia craze
but then Bowie always was a trendsetter.
Slippery Gulch sure looks fun from here.
I spy
an antelope!
They can run
up to forty-five miles per hour.
Oh, this sucks!
Why do we have to get stuck here
while Dad and Brock
get to tour Anna Bizzy Bee's head?
So
how long you work for this guy?
Now that we've exchanged pleasantries
and hot panda milk, Dr. Venture
let's talk business.
I want you to clone me.
Cloning?
I wouldn't know anything about that,
seeing as Congress has banned
all cloning research in North America.
Congress?
Bunch of out-of-work astronauts
and C-list actors.
They're not men of vision,
men like you and me.
Men like your father.
Your father and I were
great friends, you know.
In fact, he designed a number
of the rides and attractions
at the first Brisby theme park.
You're probably too young to remember.
Do I have to, Dad?
You said you wanted to help Daddy, son.
I vaguely remember him mentioning it.
And I vaguely remember
him mentioning
he was dabbling in clone research.
I'm willing to pay handsomely
for his notes alone.
So
this is about him, then, not me.
Well, I don't know if I've kept
any of Dad's old notes
Don't play coy with me.
Of course you kept them.
You've been riding his corpse's coattails
your entire adult life.
Hey! Where do you get off?
You don't know me.
Oh, I know you, Dr. Venture.
My researchers are very thorough.
For instance, you're not actually
a doctor of anything.
You never finished school.
I also know that since you took over
Venture Industries
profits have gone zippity-doo-dah.
I that's it!
The deal is off.
I don't care if you are rich.
I don't have to take
this crap from a gimp.
Aw, now they're shooting off fireworks
over Smile Island. Unbelievable!
I spy a
I don't have a card for that one.
If you don't knock it off
with the wildlife cards already
you're going to be spying my foot
up your wow-hole, Dean.
Seriously.
So that's your final word, is it?
Yes. Call me a golf cart, I'm leaving.
- Now.
- Yes, now. I'm not spending another
- Now, damn it, now!
- Hey! What are you
You're all right.
I spy a big, pink stinky,
who stinks, and he's stupid.
That's it, pussy willow.
My hair!
Yeah, come on!
Come on. You gonna cry?
Brock? Thank God!
His freaking panda's
trained to put me in a bag!
Why whatever is the matter,
Mr. Samson?
Feeling woozy?
Perhaps you should
cut down on your smoking.
You'd be surprised
at the amount of chemicals
the average cigarette contains.
Chloral hydrate.
That didn't sound good.
Those things'll kill ya!
Mandalay!
Help me! I've come aflame again!
It's gonna snap!
- I can't hold it!
- All right! Knock it off!
You are so lucky I had milk earlier.
Uh-oh, there it goes.
Uncle!
I admit that was a bit theatrical,
Dr. Venture
but if there's one thing
cartoons have taught me
it's that one can never be too careful.
Your panda broke my glasses.
We'll replace them at once.
We have many glasses here.
We have everything you need.
Where the hell is here?
Your home for the time being.
Welcome, Dr. Venture,
to the Brisby-dome!
This is that ridiculous giant beehive
next door to your study, isn't it?
You knocked me out and put me in a bag
to bring me fifty yards?
Samson.
Pretty.
Samson, you are still with us?
You know I would never
let anyone kill my Samson.
Molotov Cocktease.
That is my job.
We only wanted your plane.
We have no intention of hurting you, boys.
Are you comfortable?
Do you want more juice?
Debbie, give the Venture boys more juice.
- Where are we?
- And what do you want with us?
You're in the gymnasium
at the Orange County
Community College
and you're being held hostage
by the Orange County Liberation Front.
Free O. C!
Well, our dad has a strict policy
never to negotiate with terrorists
for our lives
so you're wasting your time.
We're not terrorists!
We're normal folks
men and women with jobs
and homes and families.
Oh, that's me.
I gotta go.
Peggy's going into labor.
That's great, Todd.
Give her my best.
What do you two know about the man
your father is working for?
Well, duh!
He's Roy Brisby
the guy that makes all those
great Bizzy Bee cartoons.
Where have you been?
He is the devil in the flesh, and that
animated abomination he created
is the angel of death
bringing darkness to this world!
Won't you reconsider, Dr. Venture?
Brisbyland was but a prelude,
the next step
is Brisby life!
And this Brisby-dome is the model.
The perfect society in the Brisby mold.
Safe, clean, self-sufficient,
and for the mere price of a simple clone
you, too, can be a part of it.
Get it straight, you cadaver on wheels,
I'm not working for you
and I'm not staying
in your crappy Brisby-dome.
Did you forget about "no"?
I need you to clone me, Dr. Venture,
that I might live to see my dream fulfilled.
This dried old husk of mine
might be broken and used up
but my brain is as alert and alive
as the day I scribbled my first
Bizzy Bee.
Now I see.
You know, it took me a minute,
but I just got it.
Got it? So you'll come aboard?
Oh, no, no, no.
What I just got is that you're like
a total jacked up freaky-deaky crazypants.
I see.
Mandalay!
No! Brock!
Come in, Br
I built an empire on the back
of a cartoon bee, Venture.
Did you really think
I'd allow you
You OK, sir?
This is what you call
wheelchair accessible?
How long has it been, Samson?
Three years, forty-eight days.
Ah, yes.
Prague, wasn't it?
Or was it Lisbon?
- Akron.
- Of course.
Laser Zeppelin at the planetarium.
However did you survive the fall?
Landed in a dump truck
full of circus peanuts.
You killed my father!
After you killed my partner.
You took my eye.
After you took
my heart.
Nyet!
You know I can only go to second base.
Still?
After all these years?
I thought the Cold War was over!
It's always cold in Siberia.
You want one of these?
I got to go take care of something.
I ask you,
what honey does Bizzy Bee produce?
Destruction!
I think you must be mistaken.
See?
This is Bizzy Bee.
He's really cute.
I have his lunchbox,
too, and all the toys
Get that thing out of my sight!
I hate that damn bee!
Kill the bee!
But I like him.
He's devoured Orange County
bit by bit to make way
for the ever-expanding Brisbyland.
The site where his new
Brisby-dome now stands
was once a beautiful
residential neighborhood
with a very convenient shopping mall.
- Don't forget the skate park.
- A skate park, too. Right.
Chad here used to be
a professional skater.
There was also a very
pleasant Applebee's.
- Ted and I met at that Applebee's
- Debbie and I met at that Applebee's!
Do you see what that bee has done
to our beloved county?
And it's not just here!
Brisby's cartoon cancer
has already spread to Florida
where we're loosely affiliated
with the Sunshine State Freedom Front.
Loosely. Those people
are weird down there.
Eurobrisby has gained
a foothold in France.
Times Square has fallen.
Where is it going to end?
Well, I'll tell you where.
Right here, right now,
with the help of Bizzy Bee himself.
It's our Bizzy Bee Club hats!
No. These were stolen
from Brisbycorp headquarters
last week by one of our agents.
They're prototypes.
Aw, super-new Bizzy Bee Club hats!
- Neat! Do they light up?
- No!
According to Brisbycorp internal memos,
they were intended for mind control.
Still think your little Bizzy Bee is cute?
Good.
Then you two will make
the perfect test subjects.
The truth serum should've
taken effect by now.
It's time to learn
what Dr. Venture knows about cloning.
Mandalay, wake him. Now.
State your name.
Reading from top to bottom
Lisa.
Carol.
Freemont.
He's telling the truth.
Anyway, it wasn't Brisby
who took the boys.
It was some sort of revolutionary group.
Just a minute.
Know where the boys are?
What do we want?
Free O. C!
What are we gonna do?
Kill the bee!
Jeez, Ted,
those hats really worked.
Did you turn them all the way up
to "Patty Hearst"?
Orange County Liberation Front,
we are ready.
We attack Brisbyland tonight!
Ted, wait.
I did the Liberation Front's chart,
and tonight is actually a great night
to launch a new project for us.
That's great, hon, but we have to
Plus, "Cosmo" says
orange is this year's black.
That's got to be a good sign, right?
All clear, sir.
Brad and I will follow in his van. Over.
Your bag has snaps.
Mine has velcro.
Look at this.
Yeah, you got one of the new ones.
I got mine back in '9
You know this robot?
Wait a minute.
If I summon him, he'll override
the X-1's controls and bring her back here.
He's programmed to come
when we call him.
Back to my car.
I know where they're going.
I've always depended
on the kindness of strangers.
This is ridiculous.
We're not getting anything
useful out of him, sir.
This serum must be interacting
with something in his system.
The man is a pill-popper, after all.
Mandalay!
What's happening?
Oh, mercy.
Which one of you strapping young bucks
will catch my fall?
Jiminy Crickets!
Do something!
Move, move, move.
See if you can locate Dr. Venture.
I'll look for the boys.
Nyet, Samson.
I have my own mission to attend to.
What? What about helping me?
I help only my client.
Did you forget?
I'm a mercenary.
Rally, Orange County Liberation Front!
Rally!
What the hell is going on out here?
Thank you, Brock.
Yo, I just work here, man,
and I don't even need this job no more.
Die, Brisby scum!
Listen, boys.
Put down the firearms.
Kill the bee!
We're under attack!
Have my private jet ready to fly
to Florida immediately!
We're moving the operation to
You know what I'm here for, Brisby.
Turn it over and you
don't have to die tonight.
You don't want to shoot me, boys.
You know me.
You know what I'll do to you if you do.
KilI
the
bee?
What'd you do that for, Brock?
Hello? Anyone?
- Hey, Daddy!
- Hey, Pop!
Hello, boys. Brock!
You think you could help me out here?
I'm starting to black out.
Hey, wait a minute.
We're in Brisbyland!
Oh, you're the best daddy ever, Pop!
Go Team Venture!
Yes, yes
All went according to plan.
There were no complications.
The threat has been neutralized
and your package has been secured
Mr. Bowie.
That's good soup!