Dummy (2020) s01e07 Episode Script
The Bechdel Test
1
You know the human vagina
can lift over 200 pounds?
No, uh no, it is 20 pounds.
I don't know, I-I saw, like,
a YouTube thing about it.
Oh. I think I got too high to do this.
- Don't say that. Are you joking?
- N Okay.
- That's so irresponsible.
- It's fine. I can do it. I can do it.
I can do it.
I just, like, got freaked out,
'cause I felt like I was gonna perform,
like, a real surgery,
so I thought I would just get,
like, a little toasted
and it would give me confidence
and I would just do it,
and I figured, you know,
we're gonna write after this anyway.
- Well, yeah, we're not gonna write,
like, right after this.
- We're not?
- Yeah, we're writing a show
about female friendship, right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, so don't you think
we should, like,
actually become friends first?
- What do you call this?
- Okay, yes, you installing
my new vagina would be, like,
an amazing beginning to an episode,
but all I'm saying is,
so far, all we've done is, like,
sit in your apartment and talk about Dan.
I just feel like it's kind of a no-brainer
that, like, we should
go on some adventures together
before we start writing.
- Come on, man. Can't we just
- So I was thinking, after this,
we pack our bags,
we hit the road for a few days
and camp under the stars,
we have some laughs.
- I don't know, like what, today?
- Why not?
- I'm busy. I've got stuff to do.
- Ugh. You have Dan's podcast,
Dan's weekly podcast
you go to every week.
- Come on, man, just
- I'm just saying I'm sorry,
I feel like you would have
a lot more power
in your relationship if you actually
had your own things going on
every once in a while.
- Barbara, I understand that
you represent a part of me
that feels the need to question
my very happy relationship with Dan,
but that doesn't mean that you're right.
I don't need to play games
and, like, you know,
make myself unavailable
to, like, prove myself to him.
- Mm.
- We're past that.
We poop with the door open sometimes.
- Yeah, right there, right there.
- Like, we tell each other everything.
- Mm-hmm.
- Except for the fact that I, like,
formed this unhealthy
codependent relationship
with his former sex doll.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm, like, currently giving her
a vaginal rejuvenation,
'cause she can talk me
into anything and
Goddamn it! Is this thing in yet?
- Yeah. It is.
- What?
- It has been for a while.
- Like, you can feel this?
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, you are such an asshole!
- Oh, Codes, a girls' trip, you and me.
Oh! It'll be so fun.
We'll show Dan what an independent
codependent woman you are.
We'll let go of the things
that no longer serve us.
Wait! I want to hold on to that.
♪
[Barbara squeals]
Road trip!
- I can't believe
I let you talk me into this.
That looks ridiculous, by the way.
- What?
- The dirty vagina
you made me tie around your neck.
Fuckin' Ed Gein-lookin' motherfucker.
- Whatever. It's so cute.
You're just jelly.
- Nah. You look insane.
- As insane as the patriarchy
upon which I'm, like, commenting?
No, I didn't think so.
[sighs]
Codes, ever since I got this new vagina,
I honestly, like, I feel like a new woman.
Like, my own woman.
- That's great, Barbara.
- You should try it sometime.
- What, removing my vagina
and getting a new one?
- [mock laughing]
No.
Not letting every single moment
of your life be consumed
by your boyfriend.
- What? It's not.
- Then why do you keep looking
at your phone?
- No, that I just
I wanted to make sure
he got my text earlier, like,
'cause he dot-dot-dotted,
but then the bubble disappeared,
and I just felt like
- [mock gagging]
Cody! Do you fucking hear yourself?
All you ever do is talk about Dan.
Dan, Dan, Dan this, Dan that,
I'm obsessed with Dan,
I love Dan's dick,
even when it smells like curry.
- I don't feel like I've said that before.
- How are we gonna write
a feminist masterpiece
if we can't even pass the Bechdel test?
Oh, shit. You do know
what the Bechdel test is, right?
- Yeah, Barbara, yes, I know
what the Bechdel test is.
We know the same amount of stuff.
We're the same person. Stop trying
to act like you're smarter than me.
Created by cartoonist Alison Bechdel,
it asks whether
Sorry. I have pee anxiety.
Can you, like?
- [hisses softly]
- It asks whether a movie
or, like, a work of fiction,
um, has at least two female characters,
and then the two characters
have to talk about something
other than a man.
- But aren't there, like, three things?
- Yeah. There's, like,
more to it than that.
I think, um, one of the things is, like
um, do they both have names?
- Yeah. We have names.
- Yeah. I mean, mine's kind of
a boy's name. I don't
- Yeah, I don't think that matters.
- Okay. It doesn't matter. Um
So, then
What's the third thing?
- Isn't it just, like,
that there are two women?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, so one
- Yeah.
- Are there two women?
- Yeah.
- Which, you know, there are.
And then two, do they both have names?
- They have names.
- And three, do they talk
about something other than a man?
- Yeah.
- Okay. So all we have to do to pass this
is just not talk about men.
- Oh, my God, we're gonna be
so good at this.
- Okay, so, Bechdel test?
- Yes!
- Starting
now! [laughs]
- Now!
Oh, my God, we're gonna be
the best feminist-y feminists
that were ever feminists!
Let me go on ♪
Like I blister in the sun ♪
Let me go on ♪
[Barbara sighs]
Really pretty out here, huh?
- Yeah. I love it.
Growing up, my dad used to take
- Ooh!
- What?
- Oh, just like, your dad.
He's a man, right?
- Oh. Oh, right. Shit!
Okay. Yeah, okay, start over, start over?
- Yeah. Okay, ready?
- Okay, okay, ready?
- Bechdel test starting
-Starting
-now. [chuckles]
-now. Okay.
I know you're the one ♪
- Ugh. Look at that.
The fact that 53% of white women
hated themselves enough to vote
for that bloated orangutan
- Ooh.
- What?
- Well
- [gasps]
Oh, my God, you fucking voted for Trump.
Oh, that makes so much sense.
- What? No. No! Oh, my God.
No, I'm saying, Trump is a man, Bechdel.
- Oh, shit! [laughs]
- Right?
- Oh, my God, this is
so much harder than I thought.
- I know! Jesus!
- Ooh.
- What?
- Well, Jesus, like,
that's kind of a guy, right?
- Oh, come on. Come on.
- #BechdelFail on you right now, bitch.
- No. Okay, okay, okay,
come on, come on, come on.
- Okay.
- Ready? And
Bechdel!
- Bechdel!
[Cody chuckles]
- What's your, um
- You know
- No. Uh, no, no, no,
sorry, you go ahead.
- You absolutely can go.
- I didn't have anything.
- Me, neither.
- Fuck!
Why is it so hard to talk about
something that isn't a dude?
- I don't know! I hate this!
[laughs]
BARBARA:
We shouldn't be forcing it, you know?
- Yeah. Like, I feel like if we stop
thinking about it,
it'll just, like, come to us.
- We should just, like,
think about something else.
- Yeah, we can talk about
anything else.
- Yeah, like, anything.
-Yeah. I mean, we can talk about this beer
and, like, the
- Uh-huh.
- store, how gross it is.
[grunting]:
We can talk about
that woman over there.
- Yes, we could totally talk
about the crack whore.
- Oh, my God, you're so bad.
- Do you know what I'm thinking?
- What?
- I feel like her discharge
would be, like, booger-y.
- My God, you're so gross.
I know what you're talking about.
Like, when it's, like, you could use it
- as an adhesive
for arts and crafts. Gross.
- Yes!
It's, like, go bedazzle some shit.
- Oh, my God, shut up.
- [snorting laugh]
[Barbara sighs]
- I don't know, does that seem weird?
- What?
- I don't know, just, like
you know, that we could be,
like, talking shit
about another woman
and still pass the Bechdel test?
- Yeah, I do know what you mean.
- And, like, also,
are you saying that, like,
we could have one conversation?
Like, we could talk about dudes all day,
and we have
one conversation about, like,
"How many calories are
in these plantain chips?"
and we'd still pass?
- Yeah, we're thinking about it
like we can't talk about dudes,
but really, we just have to
talk shit about a lady first,
and then we can go back
to talking about dudes, right?
- I mean, like, we did it.
- We totally passed!
- All right!
- Okay, amazing.
So we could talk about guys again.
That is so good, because
I've been wanting to tell you,
there's this guy
MAN:
Open the fucking register now!
Now! Come on, I want everything,
you hear me?
I want everything!
Everybody get your hands up.
- Barbara, get down!
You know the human vagina
can lift over 200 pounds?
No, uh no, it is 20 pounds.
I don't know, I-I saw, like,
a YouTube thing about it.
Oh. I think I got too high to do this.
- Don't say that. Are you joking?
- N Okay.
- That's so irresponsible.
- It's fine. I can do it. I can do it.
I can do it.
I just, like, got freaked out,
'cause I felt like I was gonna perform,
like, a real surgery,
so I thought I would just get,
like, a little toasted
and it would give me confidence
and I would just do it,
and I figured, you know,
we're gonna write after this anyway.
- Well, yeah, we're not gonna write,
like, right after this.
- We're not?
- Yeah, we're writing a show
about female friendship, right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, so don't you think
we should, like,
actually become friends first?
- What do you call this?
- Okay, yes, you installing
my new vagina would be, like,
an amazing beginning to an episode,
but all I'm saying is,
so far, all we've done is, like,
sit in your apartment and talk about Dan.
I just feel like it's kind of a no-brainer
that, like, we should
go on some adventures together
before we start writing.
- Come on, man. Can't we just
- So I was thinking, after this,
we pack our bags,
we hit the road for a few days
and camp under the stars,
we have some laughs.
- I don't know, like what, today?
- Why not?
- I'm busy. I've got stuff to do.
- Ugh. You have Dan's podcast,
Dan's weekly podcast
you go to every week.
- Come on, man, just
- I'm just saying I'm sorry,
I feel like you would have
a lot more power
in your relationship if you actually
had your own things going on
every once in a while.
- Barbara, I understand that
you represent a part of me
that feels the need to question
my very happy relationship with Dan,
but that doesn't mean that you're right.
I don't need to play games
and, like, you know,
make myself unavailable
to, like, prove myself to him.
- Mm.
- We're past that.
We poop with the door open sometimes.
- Yeah, right there, right there.
- Like, we tell each other everything.
- Mm-hmm.
- Except for the fact that I, like,
formed this unhealthy
codependent relationship
with his former sex doll.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm, like, currently giving her
a vaginal rejuvenation,
'cause she can talk me
into anything and
Goddamn it! Is this thing in yet?
- Yeah. It is.
- What?
- It has been for a while.
- Like, you can feel this?
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, you are such an asshole!
- Oh, Codes, a girls' trip, you and me.
Oh! It'll be so fun.
We'll show Dan what an independent
codependent woman you are.
We'll let go of the things
that no longer serve us.
Wait! I want to hold on to that.
♪
[Barbara squeals]
Road trip!
- I can't believe
I let you talk me into this.
That looks ridiculous, by the way.
- What?
- The dirty vagina
you made me tie around your neck.
Fuckin' Ed Gein-lookin' motherfucker.
- Whatever. It's so cute.
You're just jelly.
- Nah. You look insane.
- As insane as the patriarchy
upon which I'm, like, commenting?
No, I didn't think so.
[sighs]
Codes, ever since I got this new vagina,
I honestly, like, I feel like a new woman.
Like, my own woman.
- That's great, Barbara.
- You should try it sometime.
- What, removing my vagina
and getting a new one?
- [mock laughing]
No.
Not letting every single moment
of your life be consumed
by your boyfriend.
- What? It's not.
- Then why do you keep looking
at your phone?
- No, that I just
I wanted to make sure
he got my text earlier, like,
'cause he dot-dot-dotted,
but then the bubble disappeared,
and I just felt like
- [mock gagging]
Cody! Do you fucking hear yourself?
All you ever do is talk about Dan.
Dan, Dan, Dan this, Dan that,
I'm obsessed with Dan,
I love Dan's dick,
even when it smells like curry.
- I don't feel like I've said that before.
- How are we gonna write
a feminist masterpiece
if we can't even pass the Bechdel test?
Oh, shit. You do know
what the Bechdel test is, right?
- Yeah, Barbara, yes, I know
what the Bechdel test is.
We know the same amount of stuff.
We're the same person. Stop trying
to act like you're smarter than me.
Created by cartoonist Alison Bechdel,
it asks whether
Sorry. I have pee anxiety.
Can you, like?
- [hisses softly]
- It asks whether a movie
or, like, a work of fiction,
um, has at least two female characters,
and then the two characters
have to talk about something
other than a man.
- But aren't there, like, three things?
- Yeah. There's, like,
more to it than that.
I think, um, one of the things is, like
um, do they both have names?
- Yeah. We have names.
- Yeah. I mean, mine's kind of
a boy's name. I don't
- Yeah, I don't think that matters.
- Okay. It doesn't matter. Um
So, then
What's the third thing?
- Isn't it just, like,
that there are two women?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, so one
- Yeah.
- Are there two women?
- Yeah.
- Which, you know, there are.
And then two, do they both have names?
- They have names.
- And three, do they talk
about something other than a man?
- Yeah.
- Okay. So all we have to do to pass this
is just not talk about men.
- Oh, my God, we're gonna be
so good at this.
- Okay, so, Bechdel test?
- Yes!
- Starting
now! [laughs]
- Now!
Oh, my God, we're gonna be
the best feminist-y feminists
that were ever feminists!
Let me go on ♪
Like I blister in the sun ♪
Let me go on ♪
[Barbara sighs]
Really pretty out here, huh?
- Yeah. I love it.
Growing up, my dad used to take
- Ooh!
- What?
- Oh, just like, your dad.
He's a man, right?
- Oh. Oh, right. Shit!
Okay. Yeah, okay, start over, start over?
- Yeah. Okay, ready?
- Okay, okay, ready?
- Bechdel test starting
-Starting
-now. [chuckles]
-now. Okay.
I know you're the one ♪
- Ugh. Look at that.
The fact that 53% of white women
hated themselves enough to vote
for that bloated orangutan
- Ooh.
- What?
- Well
- [gasps]
Oh, my God, you fucking voted for Trump.
Oh, that makes so much sense.
- What? No. No! Oh, my God.
No, I'm saying, Trump is a man, Bechdel.
- Oh, shit! [laughs]
- Right?
- Oh, my God, this is
so much harder than I thought.
- I know! Jesus!
- Ooh.
- What?
- Well, Jesus, like,
that's kind of a guy, right?
- Oh, come on. Come on.
- #BechdelFail on you right now, bitch.
- No. Okay, okay, okay,
come on, come on, come on.
- Okay.
- Ready? And
Bechdel!
- Bechdel!
[Cody chuckles]
- What's your, um
- You know
- No. Uh, no, no, no,
sorry, you go ahead.
- You absolutely can go.
- I didn't have anything.
- Me, neither.
- Fuck!
Why is it so hard to talk about
something that isn't a dude?
- I don't know! I hate this!
[laughs]
BARBARA:
We shouldn't be forcing it, you know?
- Yeah. Like, I feel like if we stop
thinking about it,
it'll just, like, come to us.
- We should just, like,
think about something else.
- Yeah, we can talk about
anything else.
- Yeah, like, anything.
-Yeah. I mean, we can talk about this beer
and, like, the
- Uh-huh.
- store, how gross it is.
[grunting]:
We can talk about
that woman over there.
- Yes, we could totally talk
about the crack whore.
- Oh, my God, you're so bad.
- Do you know what I'm thinking?
- What?
- I feel like her discharge
would be, like, booger-y.
- My God, you're so gross.
I know what you're talking about.
Like, when it's, like, you could use it
- as an adhesive
for arts and crafts. Gross.
- Yes!
It's, like, go bedazzle some shit.
- Oh, my God, shut up.
- [snorting laugh]
[Barbara sighs]
- I don't know, does that seem weird?
- What?
- I don't know, just, like
you know, that we could be,
like, talking shit
about another woman
and still pass the Bechdel test?
- Yeah, I do know what you mean.
- And, like, also,
are you saying that, like,
we could have one conversation?
Like, we could talk about dudes all day,
and we have
one conversation about, like,
"How many calories are
in these plantain chips?"
and we'd still pass?
- Yeah, we're thinking about it
like we can't talk about dudes,
but really, we just have to
talk shit about a lady first,
and then we can go back
to talking about dudes, right?
- I mean, like, we did it.
- We totally passed!
- All right!
- Okay, amazing.
So we could talk about guys again.
That is so good, because
I've been wanting to tell you,
there's this guy
MAN:
Open the fucking register now!
Now! Come on, I want everything,
you hear me?
I want everything!
Everybody get your hands up.
- Barbara, get down!