Spider-Noir (2026) s01e08 Episode Script

[Robbie] What is that?
Turns supers into run-of-the-mill shmucks!
[Robbie] You've been in a hole
ever since Ruby died,
and you've never stopped digging.
This is your chance
to put that shovel down.
[Ben] I'll have to
stick them all.
Once they're free and clear,
it'll be my turn.
No more sick veterans,
no more suffering, no more Spider.
[Silvermane] What is all this?
They're all dead?
[Flint] We went to the doctor's lab.
-There was never gonna be a way out.
-You don't know that.
I ain't gonna tell Silvermane.
But he's smart.
He's gonna find out
what you did eventually.
[grunts]
[grunting]
[yelling]
[both yell]
[grunts]
[The Spider] No, not now. Come on.
-[groans]
-[groans]
[both grunting]
Get in! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go!
-Shouldn't we get him a doctor?
-[Robbie] Nah.
He just needs to rest.
The hell is that?
[Perry] Whatever it is,
it brought the big fella down.
What are we gonna do, boss?
We are gonna find The Spider.
-Get me Ben Reilly.
-Get me Ben Reilly.
[dramatic, mysterious music playing]
-[thunder rolling]
-[rain pouring]
Look at these saps.
Lost.
You know,
I was like them once upon a time.
-They're blind, they don't even know it.
-[snoring]
Day after day, playing follow-the-leader.
Christ, do you ever shut up?
No.
Why would I deny the world
a moment of my grandeur?
-[tense, dramatic music playing]
-Yeah, well,
the crash is coming.
You just can't feel it yet.
[Leyden] Speak for yourself.
I'm only getting stronger.
[electrical crackling]
Times like this.
Give me a chance to reflect.
I don't do it much.
Not usually
the self-congratulatory type, but
[laughing] God,
if you knew where I grew up.
The hunger, the scarcity.
I lost two brothers
before I was even born.
It was madness, what I experienced.
Do you know the difference between me
and the countless other degenerates
that came out of that time?
A gambler's heart, simple as that.
It's not strength
-or guile or ruthlessness.
-[slow, mysterious music playing]
It's just courage.
[Silvermane laughs airily]
And restlessness.
It was never enough.
I could never stop,
never get comfortable.
That's my advice to you.
[kisses hand]
"Never get comfortable"?
-Never be satisfied.
-[sinister music playing]
Don't accept what you're given.
Because nobody's going
to give you what you want.
They're going to give you what they want
to give you for their own reasons.
[scoffs]
That's enough of that.
Story time's over.
Need to take a leak.
[sighs]
It's Cat. I need to see you.
[water dripping]
[tense, dramatic music playing]
Thank God.
I was worried you weren't going to
-[gasps]
-That's for Ben.
I deserved that.
-[groans]
-And that's for me.
Ben put everything on the line for you,
and you used that to betray him.
That doctor cut him to pieces.
I swear I didn't know
-she was going to hurt him.
-[scoffs]
I thought it was for the best.
Ben told me himself
he didn't want to be The
Oh.
Oh, so now you care
about keeping his secret?
Telling Faber
about Ben wasn't your call to make.
I can make it up to him.
Oh, that's rich, honey.
No, I promise. You just have to trust me.
Yeah, I already tried that.
You're a liar.
A manipulator.
I did it for love.
For whose love?
Flint.
[mysterious music playing]
[lighter clicking]
But Ben is a good man.
I promise I can make it up to him.
How?
If he gives me the antidote,
I can inject Flint and Dirk with it.
I can get close to them
without causing any suspicion.
And it's not your choice to make.
Ben can decide for himself.
You know, I've been thinking.
Who asked you to?
See, that there's the problem.
Why are we running errands
for this old man
when we're the ones with all the powers?
What do we need him for?
I suppose you don't believe in loyalty.
[chuckling] Loyalty. Loyalty.
What you call "loyalty,"
I call "manipulation."
What does serving Silvermane get us
versus what it gets him, huh?
How loyal would he be to you
if you didn't follow his orders?
You know what?
Don't answer that. [patting]
We'll just ask your old pal Winston.
Oh, wait. We can't. He's dead.
[snorts] Hmm?
[Perry] Isn't that his secretary?
[Pudge] Oh, yeah.
She's nice.
[chuckles]
Where ya been?
Peoples been looking all over for ya.
People have been.
And which people, specifically?
Robbie people for starters.
Ben's over at his place.
Robbie says
he've been run through the ringer.
He has been. He has been.
-What?
-[quietly] Has.
Make up your damn mind.
[phone ringing]
[chuckles softly]
-Reilly Investigation
-[Hank] Janet, honey.
Oh. Hey, Hank.
Didn't hear it from me, but your boss,
Reilly, is in hot, hot water.
I don't know what he done,
but every precinct
in the city's looking for the guy.
That's coming straight from the mayor.
You watch yourself, honey.
Thank you, Hank. [inhales sharply]
Stop it. And stay.
-[door opens]
-[playful, adventurous music playing]
[door closes]
Now, if I was giving stage direction,
I'd call that,
"In a rush to meet someone."
Mm. Yeah.
[tense, dramatic music playing]
[knocking]
[thunder rumbles]
-How's the patient?
-Alive.
[Robbie] But he still doesn't have
his powers back.
He needs more rest.
You still look like a banana.
An overripe banana.
Those bruises are really settling in,
-huh?
-Yeah, sure.
How do you feel?
Worse than I look.
How's the other guy?
On his way to Niagara Falls
with his mother.
Listen, I have to tell you something.
-Cat asked me to meet her.
-What? When?
This evening. She wants you to give her
the antidote so she can inject Flint
and the other one Leyden.
She said she can get close enough,
and they wouldn't see it coming.
[scoffs] Fool me once.
I don't know.
It's not such a bad idea.
How many times did Lonnie hit you
in the head?
The woman just finished betraying you.
And why do you think she did?
For Flint.
-She told me herself.
-That's right. She wants to save Flint.
If she believes this'll help her,
you can bet she'll do it.
-[inhales]
-[knocking at door]
-Who is it?
-[man] Little pigs,
-little pigs
-Leyden.
-let me in.
-What's he doing here?
[Leyden] Or I'll huff, and I'll, uh, puff.
And I'll blow your house down.
Thank you. Thank you.
Uh, thank you.
-You look like shit.
-What of it?
Yeah, what of it? Tell that to Gielgud.
Guy said I got the chin
like a donkey's asshole.
[tense, dramatic music playing]
Why do I feel like I've met you before?
Because we have, a few nights ago,
at Silvermane's penthouse.
I sang you the acting song.
What's the matter? You didn't like it?
No, no, no, no. I mean, before that.
Maybe you slept with the wrong guy's wife.
-Hmm.
-[Flint] So what the hell
happened to you?
I took pictures
of the right woman's husband.
-Hmm.
-What do you want?
Him. On your feet.
The boss wants to talk to you.
"Talk to me" talk to me?
Or just talk to me?
I want to know what kind of goodbye
I should give my friends.
[Leyden] I don't think
you need to divvy up your
three worldly possessions just yet.
Now get up.
[dramatic music playing]
All right, I'm coming.
I'm coming.
Just want to grab my coat first.
Don't worry.
We'll keep ya nice and toasty.
[tense, dramatic music playing]
[Kirby sings "Saving Grace"]
The colors fading from the photograph ♪
I could tell the story ♪
but still you wouldn't know the half ♪
This love was brought to life
from shards of glass ♪
When you kiss me there's a shifting ♪
in the sepia tone ♪
Can't escape the madness,
baby, magnetism ♪
Run away but something
pulls me back into it ♪
Lately I've been staring
at a broken mirror ♪
Needing someone to call my own ♪
Hey, lover ♪
I need someone to save me now ♪
from all the pain ♪
I suffer ♪
and the heavy world
that weighs me down ♪
'Cause the world ain't sweet ♪
It's bitter to taste ♪
But you could be ♪
my saving grace ♪♪
[song ends]
[thunder rolling]
-[indistinct, muffled chatter]
-[dramatic music playing]
Hey, Reilly,
are you listening to me?
The thing is you could have just asked.
I thought we were friends.
[Silvermane] Course we are,
but it was a matter of some urgency.
I can't have your friend running around
the city neutralizing my advantages.
So I'll kindly ask you to lift the phone
and call your Spider-friend.
Nah, I don't think I will.
Excuse me?
I'm not in the mood
to talk to The Spider.
The truth is,
he's kind of hard to talk to,
especially on the phone.
Hey, buddy, can you remove the mask
so a guy can actually hear?
Is this some kind of joke?
A piece of humor I'm not grasping?
No, I mean it.
I genuinely can't understand
half of what comes out of his mouth.
Well, you've seen him.
He wears a stupid sock on his head.
-[quietly] Hmm.
-[Silvermane] I told you when we first met
that your mouth might
get you killed one day.
Today might just be that day.
Nah. You need me.
This is a negotiation.
You need The Spider.
Ipso facto, you need me.
Res ipso locutor
Well, I mean, I don't speak Latin.
Besides, word on the street is
Mayor Morris is interested
in Señor Spider, as well.
So, gee-whiz, deep pockets on all sides.
What's a down-on-his-luck
private investigator to do?
[Silvermane laughs]
Okay, then, $500.
Oh, the number
I'm thinking of starts with a five,
but it don't end with a hundred.
Hmm?
Careful, my friend.
You want me to pay you, but you want
to continue living after the fact?
And that's exactly right.
I want to live, as in live-live,
and that costs money.
At first I was thinking, uh, Santorini,
but, no, now I'm thinking France.
Feels romantic and safe.
Even for a guy with a mouth like mine.
A thousand.
You wouldn't even miss it if I said ten.
It's the principle, fella.
Like you say, we're negotiating.
-Three.
-Two.
Deal.
Okay. Now that that's settled, Cat,
be a diamond and pour Mr. Byrne
and myself a glass of
the, uh, Green Spot.
Get this man a telephone.
[dramatic music playing]
[phone bell dings]
I would have done it for one.
Would have happily paid you ten.
[Ben laughs]
It's ringing.
Yeah, hi. It's Ben.
Yeah, I know, I know.
I'm sorry to call so late. I
What?
You did what? [laughs]
That's fantastic.
Okay, well, listen,
I'm here with Silvermane.
Tell him no hard feelings
about the other day.
Bygones should be allowed
to be themselves.
-Tell him.
-He says he wants you to know
that there are no hard feelings
about the other day.
Tell him the bygone thing.
And that bygones should be allowed
to be, uh
something, and I
Tell him
I just want to have a little chat.
He just wants to have a little chat.
-Tell him
-Oh. You know what? Tell him yourself.
[Silvermane groans softly]
[sighs]
Mr. Spider, sir.
[Silvermane speaking indistinctly
on phone]
Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.
[imitating The Spider] Well,
that is something to consider,
in regard to, all heretofore
relevant ascertained information.
[whispering] Why the hell
are you talking like that?
[quietly] I'm doing Ben.
[creaking and rustling on phone line]
The life of Ben Reilly, and what else?
I-I don't want you to overestimate
the importance of that relationship.
[Silvermane speaking indistinctly
on phone]
Uh-huh.
Okay, fair enough.
I'll be there.
What?
He wants the antidote.
But he wants The Spider
to bring it to him.
-He's on his way.
-Great. And now, sir,
if you don't mind, I'll take my two Gs.
Or, as they say in France,
I'll have my Cecil B.
[throatily] Deux mille.
[Silvermane] Good one,
but the money was for delivery
of The Spider, and not for the phone call.
Oh, all right, well, in that case,
how about another round? [groans]
What else you got back there
that normal people can't afford?
How about something American this time?
Maybe some bourbon,
or is that not fancy enough for you?
[Flint] Three to one
The Spider doesn't show.
He'd be wise not to, that's for sure.
Why do you want The Spider anyway?
He's kind of over the hill,
don't you think?
[Ben] I don't know
what makes you say that.
I think he looks remarkably fit.
Besides, he handled
that soft clown, no problem.
[Leyden groans]
Tell us. Do you think The Spider would
have any interest in working for me?
I wouldn't hold it against him
that he backed the wrong horse.
I haven't the faintest idea.
The Spider tends to do
what The Spider wants to do.
He's actually extremely annoying.
Yeah.
What the hell is going on?
I'm earning myself some traveling money.
I'd invite you to join me,
but we know how that goes.
And I could've told Silvermane
that you're The Spider.
And I could've told him you're his rat.
I still can.
Guess we've got each other
by the throats, then.
[imitates cat snarl]
When The Spider comes,
the two of you are not
to make a move until I say so.
I swear I've met that guy somewhere.
Pay attention.
Nothing happens until I give the go-ahead.
Understood?
Aye-aye, mon capitaine.
So, are you gonna give me the antidote?
You're the perfect distraction.
I can do it right now.
Funny thing is, I believe you,
but I don't have it.
Are you serious?
What are you two yammering on about?
Oh, I was just telling Cat about
the French island where I intend
to spend the traveling money
you're about to pay me.
Beautiful sandy beaches,
lush valleys, hilltop villages.
-[Silvermane] Sounds dull.
-Agreed. Perfect place to be alone.
-Cheers.
-Good luck.
[suspenseful music playing]
That's where I know you from.
France.
I don't have a clue
what you're talking about, buddy,
and I'm a detective, so buzz off.
Oh, no, no, no. I'm certain of it.
Meuse-Argonne.
You're the fellow that saved us
from that POW camp.
[Silvermane] Hold on.
You two know each other?
Yeah. Flint knows him, too.
-[exhales]
-You guys are drunk.
Never touched a drop in my life.
[Silvermane] Uh, let me get this straight.
Our private detective friend here was
in the same POW camp as the two of you?
-Lonnie, too.
-And Addison.
In other words, this man
was at the site where all of you
got experimented on?
And this very same man
just happens to be best friends
with The Spider?
[Leyden] Hmm.
[Silvermane] I think
The Spider hasn't walked
through that door yet because he's already
sitting right here at my table.
♪
You guys are grasping at straws.
The reason why I'm chummy
with Le Spider is because
because I
I saved his ass at Meuse-Argonne.
Yeah, that's right.
I mean, this isn't some grand conspiracy.
Is that so?
[gulps]
It is so.
What is this? A parlor trick?
You're gonna focus your mind,
stick your finger in your ear
and peer into my soul?
No. I don't think
we'll be needing any magic.
Save that for
the children's birthday parties.
Well, then, what? You want to check
my pockets for unmarked bills?
Here, I'll make it easy for you.
I've got, uh
a nickel, and, uh
Oh, not one but count 'em
two sticks of gum.
[laughs] Jesus.
Ah, you're a cool customer.
But here's the thing.
I'm a bit like you.
A detective.
I watch. I listen.
I keep track of things, up here.
Another drink, would you, dear?
Absolutely.
And just like you,
the only person
that I am truly loyal to is me.
So, if I know a way to find out decisively
whether or not you, Ben Reilly,
are The Spider,
I'll do it no matter the consequences.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
I can't say that I do.
Sit.
[tense music playing]
Now, here's how I see it.
Ben Reilly is a private dick who doesn't
care about anyone else except himself.
But the one thing I know
about The Spider is he cares.
He's never been passive
about innocent deaths.
Not on his watch.
Not if there's anything
he can do about it.
I wouldn't know.
I would.
Give us your gun.
The one you think nobody knows about.
So
I'm convinced,
but I'm not certain.
Sure. I'm convinced
we're all gonna die, but
there's only one way to be certain.
[Silvermane laughs] Yeah. Exactly.
You're quite clever.
Now, I look around this room
and I see a bunch of tough elements.
Gangsters, mobsters,
hardened criminals.
Not exactly the type that The Spider
would lose any sleep over.
Right?
But there's one exception.
One innocent bystander.
One person that The Spider
simply could not
sit back and allow to die.
Cut it out. I'm not in the mood.
Well, I wouldn't think you would be.
I mean it. It's not funny.
Far from it.
It's tragic if we lose you.
Bad for business, bad for my heart.
You know how much you bring me joy.
But the way I see it
this is the only way
that I can be certain.
Let go of me, Finn. Now!
-[grunt softly]
-[Leyden] My God.
It's the best damn show in town.
-[laughs]
-[Silvermane] So
if I kill her,
then you're just Ben Reilly,
a clever private investigator
who doesn't care about
anybody but himself,
or you really are The Spider,
and you'll stop me
before I pull this trigger.
[grunts softly]
Listen.
He's not going to save me,
but not because he's a bad man.
So, why, then?
It's okay, dear. Absolution awaits.
Because I broke his heart.
[scoffing]
[laughs]
-Why'd you do that?
-You know why.
I want to hear you say it.
Because I'm in love with Flint.
I'm in love with him,
and I wanted to save him and I didn't care
who I hurt in the process.
Well, at least she admits it.
That's right. I admit it.
I'm tired of hiding.
And I'm tired of lying.
You want the rest of it?
Cat, don't.
I did it because I wanted to save Flint
and I wanted to kill you.
Desperately.
So, you were the one who hired Addison.
-Yes.
-[grunting quietly]
You're the one who told the mayor
about my booze delivery.
Yes.
-You're my Judas.
-That's right.
So go ahead and kill me.
But do it because you want me dead,
not because you think
it'll prove something about Ben.
The only thing he's guilty of
is being in way over his head.
You see, Reilly?
That's the difference between convinced
and certain.
-No
-[The Spider] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa!
[tense music playing]
Did I come at a bad time?
Not at all.
Silvermane was just teaching us a lesson
about how to kill a defenseless woman.
Sorry about that.
Go to hell.
Well, isn't this a pleasant surprise?
[The Spider] Eh,
that's close enough for my taste.
-How's it going, Reilly?
-Peachy.
[The Spider] Look,
you wanted me to come, so I came.
What do you want?
I like that.
Straight and to the point.
Let's talk business.
[The Spider] Yeah, let's.
[Silvermane] I don't believe for a second
that you're working for the mayor.
You're too bright and he's too dumb.
So why don't you come work for me?
You can't beat us. Why not join us?
[The Spider chuckles] Who says
I can't beat you?
Me, for one.
I'll second that.
[The Spider] I'm sorry,
are you forgetting that I'm The Spider?
And I can kick both your asses?
Actually, not to overstep,
but I suggest you hear Mr. Byrne out.
[The Spider] I-I'm sorry,
you want me to listen to Silvermane?
I'm merely saying, if we're being honest,
you're not as young as you once were.
[The Spider] Oh,
I'm actually in great shape.
Yeah. Fit as a fiddle.
-Downright spry.
-I'm merely suggesting
you might not want to leap headlong
into confrontation
so soon after your big battle
with Lonnie Lincoln.
[The Spider] Oh.
Yeah. You might want to take a break.
You know, rest up.
[The Spider] Right.
So, why don't you give him the antidote
and you give me my two G's
and we can all be on
-our merry ways?
-Yeah.
My, oh, my.
How interesting.
So many plotlines to follow.
[Perry] How about we add one more?
Found her skulking around outside.
-I'm so sorry, Ben. I shouldn't have
-Quiet, lady.
[sighs]
And look what she had on her, boss.
[sighs]
[The Spider] W-What? You-you wanted me
to just bring the stuff in here?
Seemed dumb.
You're right, this is much better.
[heavy footsteps approaching]
Huh.
So, this is what the fuss
is all about, huh?
Bring it here.
Yeah, yeah, just give me one second there.
[The Spider grunting]
How's that feel?
Why the hell did you do that?
Just wanted to see if it worked.
[The Spider shouts]
[thuds]
Yep. Seems like it does.
Give it here, buddy.
What, these?
Yeah. No games.
Oh.
But what if I want to play a game?
And let's call it "Why Should I?"
I'm not in the business
of explaining myself.
Not to you, not to anybody.
Now hand it over.
The Spider's no threat now.
So, I'm wondering,
why is it that you're so keen
on having whatever's in these syringes?
You see, I think
it's because you want to control us.
You want to have power over us.
Flint, take care of this guy for me.
Otherwise, why don't I just smash
these last two vials,
and we'll just call it a day?
[Silvermane] Flint,
you're still with me, son.
You both are.
You know I would never
touch a hair on her head.
You know what to do.
[Leyden] Does he?
Now, his girlfriend, she knew what to do.
You just didn't have the balls.
Careful.
[Leyden] He's not your friend, Flint.
He's not even your boss.
He's your puppet master.
Pulling on your strings
and making you dance.
[tense music playing]
But why let him?
Look at him.
He's not special.
He's just an old man in an expensive suit,
fighting to stay relevant.
Consider your words carefully, my boy.
They may be your last.
[exhales]
Now
let's see who's behind the mask.
What the hell?
The reporter?
[exciting music playing]
[Leyden] Holy sh [grunts]
[glass clattering]
[grunts]
Uh
Robbie? Come on.
-[gunshot]
-Hijo de tu madre.
Duck!
[gunshots]
[grunts]
Ben, behind you!
[straining]
-[gasps] Ben.
-Robbie.
Robbie. Is he okay?
Yeah, I think so.
[groans] I get why
you don't like this job.
[panting]
[The Spider] Hi, fellas.
Can I get you a drink?
[shouts]
[people gasping]
[exciting music playing]
[The Spider grunts]
-[gasps]
-[horn honking]
[man shouts]
♪
-[man] Is that The Spider?
-[woman] What's going on here?
[Leyden] Down came the rain ♪
and washed the spider out ♪♪
Lookie, lookie.
[tense music playing]
[The Spider] All right. Here goes nothing.
[laughs]
[The Spider] Come and get it.
[tires screech]
-[grunts]
-[shouts]
[The Spider groaning]
Oh, no.
[The Spider moans]
[suspenseful music playing]
[groaning]
[train screeching in distance]
[metal creaking]
[people screaming]
[moaning]
[woman] What happened?
[suspenseful music playing]
After all I did for you,
it breaks my heart
that you'd betray me like that.
No, it breaks your heart
that you didn't see it was me.
[cackles]
Is this because of that dentist?
You'd have never have been happy with him,
filling cavities
in some New Jersey suburb.
I saved your life when I got rid of him.
[gunshot]
First the dentist, then Flint.
You sure can pick them, can't you?
That's right. I can pick my men,
I can pick my dresses
and I can pick my songs.
[laughs]
Liar. You loved being kept.
You loved being cared for.
Fed, dressed.
Painted head to toe.
Not a hair out of place.
Not a care in the world
but that perch on the stage.
The focus of all admiration.
Never be satisfied. Is that what you said?
-[Silvermane laughs]
-Don't accept what's given to you.
[dramatic music playing]
[laughs softly]
My one regret
is I only get to kill you once.
[grunts softly]
The truth is, my love
[eerie music playing]
I'm happy it's you.
[suspenseful music playing]
[panting]
[people gasping]
[The Spider] Oh, come on!
You know, I suppose I should thank you.
[The Spider] For saving
your life back in France?
If we're being honest
[grunts in pain] I have regrets.
No, no, no, no.
For giving me the one thing
I always wanted.
Look at me now, Ma!
[distorted] I'm a star!
[The Spider] You're not a star.
But you are sick.
And the stronger your power becomes,
the sicker you get.
But I can help you.
No, thanks, pal.
Save your cure for the saps.
[grunts]
[exhales, groans]
-[woman] Is he all right?
-[The Spider panting]
Ah
-[muffled pulsing, warbling]
-[woman] Behind you!
[The Spider] That's not good.
-[groaning]
-[metal creaking]
[crowd gasping]
[shouting]
[dramatic music playing]
[moaning]
"The Spider," huh?
Looks more like a dog to me.
[moaning]
-A bastard cur, at that.
-[energy pulses]
[cackles]
Hey. Look at him squirm.
Some hero you turned out to be.
[hoarse exhale]
-I think you proved your point.
-[Leyden] You kidding me?
I've waited my whole life for this.
My star turn on Broadway.
A sold-out show.
Packed house, standing room only.
-[crowd booing]
-Oh, boo yourself.
Say goodbye to The Spider, everyone.
[The Spider shouting]
Stop!
Oh, honey.
I don't believe for one second
you're gonna pull that trigger.
-[gun clicks]
-[man] Oh.
Hmm.
What a shame.
No!
[crowd gasping]
[Cat panting]
Aww. Well, well, well.
Ladies and gentlemen, you are in luck.
Tonight will be a double bill.
Featuring me, your leading man Megawatt,
versus the Sandman.
No, I don't think
he likes his new nickname.
Aww.
It seems like our show
has reached its final act.
The denouement.
-[dramatic music playing]
-[grunting]
Good night, sweet prince.
And flights of angels
sing thee to thy rest.
[straining]
[shouting]
[screams]
[people screaming]
[cheering]
Well done, Spider.
[crying]
[somber music playing]
[grunts softly]
[panting softly]
I still have one left.
Why?
You know why.
So does he.
[rising chatter]
-Spider!
-You look great.
-Thank you, Spider.
-Really appreciate it.
[indistinct chatter continues]
♪
[priest speaking Latin]
Rest in peace.
[Ben clears throat]
You're looking well.
Thanks to you.
Can we have a moment?
Yeah.
I love Flint.
But in a different world,
I really would have run away with you.
You know that, right?
It's one thing to use a guy.
It's another to try
and keep him on the hook
after you've set sail for shore.
Go to hell, Ben.
I have.
I'm keeping it warm for you.
[dramatic music playing]
-[audience cheering]
-[Morris] Thank you!
Thank you, New York.
Proud to be your mayor!
You believed in me, and
You know, I still don't know
if he's a Republican or a Democrat.
Well, what'd it say on the little box
when you voted for him?
I put the X where it said,
"Vote for crap."
[gentle music playing]
[wooden squeaking]
[Janet] You see that?
You see how it wobbles.
Let's have it not do that.
You heard the lady. No wobblin'.
How's a guy supposed to do
his geometricals on a wobbly desk?
Well, back to the salt mines.
[Robbie] So, after all that,
I get a newspaper to run,
Morris wins, Flint gets the girl
and Janet gets a new office.
What do you get?
A new lease on life?
I'll just settle
for a really good hot dog.
[laughs softly]
-[phone ringing]
-The paperweight lives.
Reilly Ruiz Investigations.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, absolutely, we're open.
I can slot you in at
[Amy Winehouse sings
"You Know I'm No Good"]
You know what? You're in luck,
we just had a cancellation for 2:00 p.m.
Great.
See you then.
Why 2:00?
Makes us seem busy.
Also, uh, I want that hot dog.
-Robbie's buying.
-Hmm?
What? You run your own newspaper now.
Yeah, and it pays worse than the Bugle.
[Janet chuckles]
'Cause you're my fella, my guy ♪
[Janet] Come on, Robertson.
You don't want to buy me a hot dog?
Hand me your Stella and fly ♪
By the time I'm out the door ♪
you tear men down like Roger Moore ♪
I cheated myself ♪
like I knew I would ♪
I told you I was trouble ♪
You know that I'm no good ♪
Upstairs in bed with my ex-boy ♪
He's in the place, but I can't get joy ♪
Thinkin' on you in the final throes ♪
This is when my buzzer goes ♪
Run out to meet you, chips and pita ♪
You say, "When we married,"
'cause you're not bitter ♪
"There'll be none of him no more" ♪
I cried for you on the kitchen floor ♪
I cheated myself ♪
like I knew I would ♪
I told you I was trouble ♪
You know that I'm no good ♪
I cheated myself ♪
like I knew I would ♪
I told you I was trouble ♪
Yeah, you know that I'm no good ♪♪
♪