Wayne (2019) s01e08 Episode Script

[SOFT GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING]
There has been
But one true love
In my baby's arms
Ugh.
Did I drool on ya?[CHUCKLES]
I don't mind.[SCOFFS]
And I got the hands
To hold onto them
There has been
But one true love ♪
DRIVER: See ya later.
[HORN HONKING]
I'm fuckin' starving.
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
[UPBEAT LATIN MUSIC
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
We could share a candy.
Dipstix?
There's only one dip stick.
I don't wanna give you
my spit germs.
Too late.
How about these?
Nah, they got that
coconut asshole taste.
They got Sour Straws.
Those split easy.
WAYNE: Yeah, grab 'em.
Holy shit.
What?They got free coffee.
And little milks.
That's creamer, ya dummy.
Tastes good, though.
Ugh.
Maybe it's too hot
for coffee.
Fuckin' Florida.
Hey, you should
get some shorts.
I don't wear shorts.
Ever?Never.
What do you wear
at the beach?
I don't know.
I ain't never
been to the beach.
At least not
as a bigger person.
What'd you wear
when you were
a littler person?
Pants.
Okay. How far is the beach?
We're going.
Pants or no pants.
They got maps.
All right. Looks like
the beach is this far.
How far is this?
Pretty far.But once
we get that car
[DOORBELL CHIMES]Whoo! Come on, fuckers.
Eh, grab a 30 rack
and 'em Flamin' Hots.
Oh, and grab an ice bag.
I'mma get the blunt wraps.
Yeah.
About to eat
mint chocolate chip
and get high as fuck.
Oh.
Go right ahead.
Eh! [SLAMS COUNTER]
Gimme them Grape Swishy Boys.
You gonna pay
for them this time?
How about, you be
the Swishy Boys
gettin' motherfucker
and shut the fuck up?
[DOORBELL CHIMES][REGGIE GIGGLES]
Come on.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Sour.
Here.
You want some coffee?
[GIGGLES]
[LAUGHING]
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
REGGIE: What the fuck?
Better clean that shit
off my car, bitch.
Your car?
Fuck's askin'?
[THEME MUSIC RESUMES]
[CRACKS KNUCKLES]
[THEME MUSIC CONTINUES]
[CHUCKLES]
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]
Last chance, motherfucker.
Clean it.
[MUSIC STOPS]
[CAR HOOD SQUEAKING]
Man, there's no way
you can chug a beer
in two seconds.
Not in my mouth.
Would you two
stop butt chuggin'
in my fuckin' house?
You're lucky ice melts.
[ENGINE STARTS]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
What the fuck was that?
My dad's car.
Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?
That That's the car?
The one that's drivin' away?
It was gold.
You never told me
it was fuckin' gold.
[STAMMERING] What the fuck?
What are we gonna do?
We gonna go get it, or what?
Oh, my God.
What the fuck?
I cannot believe
you let that
car get away.
Came all the way to
fuckin' Florida for you to let
that fuckin' car get away.
How the hell are we
gonna find 'em now?
[DRAMATIC ROCK MUSIC
PLAYS INTERMITTENTLY]
[DOOR OPENS][DOORBELL CHIMES]
Let's go.
[COUNTRY MUSIC
PLAYING ON CAR STEREO]
Check it. Those twins
posted something. Look.
Hey, I'm driving.
Richmond Hill Hospital,
where's that?
I'm guessing somewhere
around Richmond Hill.
And that's an hour and a half
drive behind us.
Well, good.
That means we're that
much closer to Florida
than those
Neanderthals.
We're comin' for ya,
Wayne!
Hey! You can't yell
at the driver.
Jeez.
This hospital's hashtag
got some wild shit on it.
Damn.
This used to be
a dude's face, look.
Hey! Get that out
of my fucking face!
I'm fucking driving, Orlando!
Jesus Christ!
You're gonna fucking
kill both of us!
Shoot.
Three fucks
and the Lord's name in vain.
What's wrong with you?
I'm sorry, bud.
I'm starvin'.
Why is nothin' open?
Maybe because
we're in the Bible Belt
on a Sunday?
Nothing's open.
I gotta eat soon.
Once my blood sugar dips,
I'm just not my
usual fun lovin' self.
Look, if you get tired,
I could drive.
You're not driving.
All right, look. You need
a hot meal at any time
of the day, guaranteed?
There's only one place
for you to go.
A strip club?
You want me to eat
food in a strip club?
There is zero chance
I'm going in there.
And even less
of a chance you are.
It's not funny, Orlando.
I told you about
my blood sugar.
I'm serious, I'm hungry.
And you bring me
to a strip club.
[SNIFFS]
Jesus.
Are they making
ribs in there?
[SNIFFING]
I think the strip club
has a smoker.
[LAUGHING] Hey!
All right. All right.
Just real quick.
We'll just go in quick.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
Oh, man.
Gotta admit,
it's pretty cool.
All right, here's
what we're gonna do.
It's an old car,
so I can hot-wire it.
You get in the passenger side,
lay low while I sneak around,
fire it up.
We'll be out of here
before they can say,
"What the fuck?"
Wayne?
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Yeah.
Hot-wire.
Wayne, what're you doing?
Wayne.
Oh, shit. It's coffee boy.
Yo, whatchoo doin'
with our beers, homie?Fucker.
Hey, you touch one more beer,
I'm gonna kick your ass, bro.
It's tea time,
motherfucker.
[BOTH WHOOPING]Wayne.
Little bitch.Let's get this
fucking party started!
Come on, Chamomile,
show him what Ocala all about.
[DRAMATIC ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
You fucked up now,
coffee boy.
Shouldn't have
done that, bitch.
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
You got knocked
the fuck out!
[CACKLES]
[DRAMATIC ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES]
I never dropped
your beer.What the fuck?
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
Shit.
[GRUNTING]
[ALL EXCLAIM]
Oh, fuck!
Who the fuck
you think you is?
WOMAN: Hey.
Hey!
What the fuck is goin' on?
Holy fucking shit.
Well, you look
just like your father.
[SUCKS TEETH]
MAUREEN:
Isn't this nice, hmm?
Everybody sitting together,
like family supper.
[MAUREEN CHUCKLES]
There's fruit in the salad.
MAUREEN: Yeah, I know,
it's, um, part of that
food pyramid or whatever.
You know, maybe it's good
that the party was canceled
because it's just more for us.
That's right.
And I don't know why I'm always
feeding those animals anyway.
Those are my friends, Mama.
MAUREEN: Well, one of
your "friends" took a dump
in my nice plant pot.
Mama?MAUREEN: Mmm.
Can you cut
the meat off my ribs?
What?You know you
do it like I like.
Oh, come on.
What's the matter with you?
Cutting meat for you, weirdo.
He come outta you?
Huh? Him? No.
This is Calvin's boy
from before.
CALVIN: Reggie comes
out of what I call
an "F'd up relationship."
I F'd up and had relations
with someone after
too many tallboys.
Oh, my God.
Well, it must a relief
he's not yours.
No offense.
None taken. [CLICKS TONGUE]
Hey, coffee boy,
[SUCKS TEETH]
got lucky today.
[SUCKS TEETH]
Almost got took'd out
by Chamomile.
Why do you
call him Chamomile?
'Cause he puts
motherfuckers to sleep.
I'm still awake.For now.
Wow. Does anybody
want more potato salad?
'Cause it's so good,
it's very fancy,
it's got the skin still on,
it's got those tiny
little green
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry,
do you not care
how your son's been doing
for the past 11 goddamn years?
Has it been
11 goddamn years?
Really?
You know,
I noticed you was taller.
Oh, yeah, since he was five?
That's kinda how it works.
CALVIN: Hey.Okay, that was a joke
and I thought it was good.
[LAUGHS]
Stop.DEL: You know what?
You should really stop
laying out in the sun.
Your orange skin's
distractin' me
from your one fake tit that's
bigger than the other fake tit.
All right.What the fuck?
CALVIN: Calm down.You think ya
better than me?
Do you think you're
better than me?Hey. Shh.
CalmDad's dead.
Cancer. From his job.
Yeah, he always
worked too much.
[CHUCKLES]
I told him. I said,
"Those Those fumes,
they're gonna get ya."
Which worked out in my favor.
Just saying.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, may he rest in peace.
Right?
Who wants dessert?
Everybody saving room?
'Cause I got Entenmanns.
Fuckin' A.
REGGIE: Mama?MAUREEN: What?
Can you get me
some more Hi-C, please?
Sure.
[EXHALES] Right.
[SCREAMING]
[PAINED GROANING]
[SUCKS TEETH]
[UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
Hi.
You ain't gettin' in here,
little man.
I'm Krystal's kid.
Fifteen bucks.
I'm Krystal's accountant.
Then write that shit off.
Can I get a receipt?
It was just a joke.
Just a little
accountant humor.
[CHUCKLES]
There you go.
Good day.
How did you know
there was gonna be a Krystal?
Dude, there's always
a Krystal.
MAN: I see you, baby.
Oh, yeah! I love it!
These places,
they never made
sense to me.
You got all these women.
They get their
clothes off.Mmm-hmm.
Okay? They never ever
would do it with you.
And you pay them
your money, you get up,
you go home,
you're all worked up.
It's like payin' a restaurant
to smell the food.
Dude, could you just shut up
and enjoy the nekkid?
What's "the nekkid"?
The nekkid, you know?
Look, there's the buffet.
"The naked."
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Few rules.
Never take the top plate.Yeah.
Always use the tongs.Yeah, yeah.
And never get
the last of anything.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's always
a fresh batch on its way.Uh-huh. Yeah. [MUMBLES]
Ow!Hey. What'd I just say?
I'm sorry,
I wasn't listening.
[SIGHS]
Well, that was fuckin'
delightful.
What are we
still doing here?
She made us supper.
Oh, yeah, mother
of the fuckin' year.
Now, can we please take the car
and get the hell out of here?
REGGIE: There you fuckin' is.
[CHUCKLES] Hey,
you wanna see something?
Depends what it is.
It's my birthday present.
[SUCKS TEETH]
I'm taking your boyfriend.
Come on, bitch. Hurry up.
MAUREEN: Oh.
You two go play nice, huh?
REGGIE: Yes, Mama.[LAUGHS]
I could use some help
with the dishes in there.
Oh, okay. You want me
to go get your husband
or whatever he is?
Yeah, sure.
If it ain't a car or my tits,
he ain't puttin'
his hands on it.
Thanks for that picture.
I'll tell you something else.
Ever since I started
wearing these rubber gloves
to do dishes,
my nails, they just
don't break so much.
Oh, is that right?Yeah, and I used
to be a manicurist.
Hey, you know how everyone
thinks that their toes
are the most disgusting?
Well, they're right.Oh, wow, that's
a great story, Maureen.
Maybe they'll make
a movie out of it.[CHUCKLES]
But what was my worst job?
Let's see.
What the fuck
is wrong with this thing?
There's nothing wrong
with that thing.
I made that. Yeah.
Jesus.
I did. I took a pottery class
at the rec center.
And I thought
it was gonna be
like Ghost.
But you know what?
I didn't see a single
Patrick Swayze.
[LAUGHS]
So I quit.
I didn't need that.
That shit's
harder than it looks.
What's hard? Showing up?
What?
Aw, look at you.
You got a mouth on you.
You know what?
You know who
you remind me of?
Me.
Oh, yeah? You remind me
of my Aunt Linda.
Oh, yeah? She liked
to make pottery?
No, she liked to make meth.
Also left the family.
Then she blew herself up
in a shitty trailer.
I don't gotta
explain myself to you.
Yeah, you're right.
I ain't the one
you gotta explain anything to.
Well,
he seemed like
he turned out just fine.
You don't know
anything about him.
My life was
very complicated back then.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Everybody's life
is fucking complicated.
You know?
It don't make it right.
You runnin' out on your family.
Oh, yeah?
Where's your family?
[BOWL SHATTERS]
Whoops.
[CHUCKLING]
I'm just fuckin' with you.
Here she is.
[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
CALVIN: She's a beauty.
[GRUNTS]
Did some head work
to get the horsepower over 325.
One of the few
gas guzzlers left.
Till all of them
fuckin' hippies got all uppity
about the environment.
Fuckin' hippies.
[SIGHS] It's a relic
from another era.
Plus the backseat's good
to do the fuckin' in.
So, Wayne, [SIGHS]
you come all this way just to
have a salad with fruit in it?REGGIE: Hmm?
You like cars?
Certain ones.
Know anything about 'em?
Certain ones.
Well, this one runs hot.
Real hot.
You don't want it
to overheat.Mmm-mmm.
Top it off.
You know, Reg, I actually got
this car from Wayne's old man.
No shit.
He loved it.
But it just became
too much for him to handle.
Damn.
Not what I heard.
Oh, yeah? What'd you hear?
That you stole it.[BOTH LAUGHING]
"Stole.""Stole."
That don't sound right.
Seeing as though
I got the title
and the keys.
Oh, shit.
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Thanks, Daddy.
Well, I got a bunch
of postcards
with a picture of a dickhead
and his stupid mustache on 'em.
Fuck!
Hey, keep your punk bitch-ass
hands off my baby.
You're out of coolant,
dickhead.
Daddy, I I will whip
that boy's assShut the fuck up, Reggie.
What happened?
Ah, don't worry.
Nothing broke
but this ugly bowl.
Hey, I got it. I got it.I don't mind.
No pics of you up there.
You're so stupid.
I got more pictures,
you know,
of you, from when
you was little.
Come on. Yeah.
That's one ugly-ass fish.
Does it sing a song
or somethin'?
Oh. No, that's real.
I mean, it was real.
The boys caught it.
They love noodling.
What the fuck is "noodling"?
Oh, wait, I don't care.
Ah! Ka-blam.
Here we go.
C'mere, handsome.
Look how cute you were.
DEL: Still is.
How's a baby get a shiner?
Gave it to himself. Yeah.
Took your father's hammer,
went after your Big Wheel,
tried to bash it.
[LAUGHING] Took one swing
at that big plastic tire
and the hammer bounces back.
Bam. Right in the eye.
Maybe somebody should've
been watchin' him.
You loved to carry
that hammer everywhere.
I I never understood
why you loved it so much,
but maybe 'cause it had
your father's name scratched
into the handle, I think.
And my name.Yeah.
Yeah, sweetie, I know.
You wiseass.
Remember this?
When your brother
tried to dress
you up like a clown?
But instead
of using makeup,
he used nail polish.
Huh?
And not the cheap stuff,
not the Wet n Wild.
Like, the pricey shit.
[SIGHS] I went apeshit
when I came home
and saw what he did to you.
Took a whole bottle of acetone
just to get that off.
Must have burned like hell.
MAUREEN:
That was the crazy part.
I'm just rubbin'
this nail polish remover
all over his face
and he's just sitting there,
lookin' up at me, smiling.
Didn't cry once.
You used nail polish remover
on his face?
Well, the rubbin' alcohol
didn't work.
Doesn't matter.
You still got a nice face
underneath all them bruises
and shit.
[SNIFFING]
Oh, Jesus Christ.
[LAUGHING] Your hair
smells so terrible.
It's okay.
Let's get you some, uh,
shampoo and some bathroom
shit, you know.
Acetone-free, I promise.
Come on.
DEL: I hate it.
[CHUCKLES]
Look, they got
that shower gel that's
got mangoes. [SIGHS]
Oh, yeah.
MAUREEN: Oh.
You know, we already
got shower gel.
It ain't all tutti-frutti,
but, you know, it'll do.
[CHUCKLES]
What are we doin' here?
Shoppin', I guess?
Yeah, I know.
I can see that, but
MAUREEN: Wayne,
you gotta come see this.
How stupid is this shirt?
"Saturyays"? Fuck you.
You know what?
Your father sees
somebody in this shirt,
he'd beat his ass.
I'd beat my own ass.
[LAUGHING]
Ah, yeah, you would.
Oh, my God.
You got the exact
same smile as him.
Double line here,
single line there.
[SIGHS]
Oh, I used to
love that smile.
Till he went and got
all his teeth knocked out
at that hockey game
in Taunton.[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
You know, your father
was a real hothead.
Yeah.
We gotta take a picture.
We do. We gotta do it. Uh
Hey, Del,
take my phone. C'mon.
Here we go.
Mmm!
[SHUTTER CLICKS]Cheese.
Oops, cut your head off.
Well, take another one.
Okay, here we go.
Mwah.
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
[SHUTTER CLICKS]
Aw. My finger's in the photo.
Hmm?I'm not takin' another one.
[GASPS] Mmm
Me and my handsome boy.
I mean, I look like
garbage, but whatever.
No, I do. Still, this one's
goin' on the fridge.
For sure. Definitely.
All right. While you're in
Florida, gotta get your shorts,
right? Come on.
Wayne don't ever
wear shortsOkay.
Really?
Shorts?
What do you think?
It's got pockets.
It's good, right?
WAYNE: Okay.MAUREEN: Got a
Comes with a belt.
Yeah? I mean, theseWAYNE: Yeah.
Headstone
Headstone
I got to put him
In the cold, cold ground
In the cold, cold ground
Oh, heaven
[UPBEAT MUSIC
PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
Hey, Stacey, let me know
if I'm in your way.
[CHUCKLES]By the way,
I really appreciate
how you spelled out
the alphabet
with your body
up there on the pole.
I was an educator.
It's not lost on me.
Where's the kid?
I said, where's
the motherfuckin' kid?
I know, I was taught not to
speak with my mouth full.
Maybe you could
learn some manners.
Motherfucker.
I'll fucking fuck you up.Hey!
How's that for manners?
Uh, needs some work.
What'd the kid do?
That little shit charged
a round of drinks and a cash
advance in my fuckin' name.
Oh, uh Hey, Krystal.
I haven't seen you
since your last
tax appointment.
By the way, I have some
documents I need you
to sign in the car.
Bitch, I don't
fuckin' know you.
I don't know you
or that stupid-ass kid,
egg-headed motherfucker.
Where is he?
I I don'tWhere's the fuckin' kid?
I don't know.Say again?
Yo, the little motherfucker's
in the champagne room.
What?What?
And I got you some
tighty-whities.
What? Don't be shy.
There's no shame
in having clean drawers.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Excuse me, miss. I need to
check the young lady's bag.
Why? What's the problem?
This girl was stealing.
MAUREEN: What?
Beard oil?
Uh Okay.
I'm sure there's some
misunderstanding.
She obviously ain't
got no beard. Yet.
Sorry, ma'am.
We got it on camera.
They got it on camera.
Why you break my heart
like this, huh?
Oh, God.
Kids do such dumb shit.
I mean, I know I did
when I was her age.
Fifteen, right?
Who isn't totally screwed up,
you know?
They got all these hormones.
They're just running wild,
right?
[SIGHS]
Do you think you could
have a heart and just maybe
look the other way?
And I promise I'm gonna
set her down when I get home.
[SIGHS]
Next time,
we will press charges.
Oh, you're a saint.
I could kiss you.
You have my word.
I'm gonna send her
to one of those
Christian camps.
You know, where
they put the Lord in her.
She's not
my fucking mother.
Oh, here we go
with that one again.
I've been excommunicated.
Sorry she did that.
Thanks for helping her.It's no big whoop.
Gonna try on your beard oil?
You gonna try on your shorts?
You're lucky
she stood up for you.
You could've got
in real trouble.
Yeah, she's a real
goddamn peach.
She went out
of her way for you.
Didn't fuckin' ask her to.
Why'd you do it?
Why'd you start a fight instead
of stealing the goddamn car?
What the hell are we here for?
I found the bus ticket
in your bag.
What?
When?
You're gonna leave me.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, maybe I needed
a backup plan.
Maybe I wasn't
thinking straight when
I came here with you.
This whole fucking time,
it wasn't even about the car.
It was about
your fucking mother.
You're a liar.
No, I'm not.
I just didn't know
what I wanted and
Maybe I wanted
I don't know,
it's my family.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, like the fucking family
that I left to come on
this stupid trip?
For you?
[SIGHS]
She left you once, Wayne.
She'll do it again.
You left me once.
I'm not fucking
sleeping in here.
Del, you don't have to
I need to shower.
Okay, all right,
we're leaving!
We left!
Nice shirt.Really? You're making
fun of my shirt?
You're a shirt shamer.
Nice vest. Let me know
when you kill Jason Bourne.
Well, that was fun.No, that was not fun.
That was not fun!
We could've got arrested
or worse!
ORLANDO:
But we didn't, so chill.
I had to cover
everything you spent.
Okay? I'm a high school
principal.
I don't have
a lot of extra cash
just laying around.
Now, I know you think
you know a lot about life,
like how not to eat
the last shrimp.
But you don't know
shit about real life!
You're just a fucking kid!
Damn.
You hungry again already?
I'm sorry,
I went berserker.
I'm sorry
I I'm sorry.
Nah, that's okay.
It's kind of cool to have
someone yell at me.
For once.
My grandma, um
She got dementia, so
Jesus, I had no idea.
She thinks
I'm 47 years old.
What, for real?
Yeah.
I have to make sure
the bills are paid.
You know, make sure
the gas is turned off,
sign the
health insurance forms.
Well, no kid should
have to deal with that.
You were lookin'
out for me.
It's nice to have someone else
be the grown-up
for once in my life.
I don't know
You want me
to keep yelling at you?
Nah, I'm good.
Let's go find Wayne.
Yell at him instead.
You want me to take you
for an ice-cream cone first?
If you can find one of those
coin-operated spaceships,
you go on a little ride.
Ah, go fuck yourself.
You know, I think
that Stacey liked me.
You know, like,
like me, like me.
ORLANDO: [LAUGHS] Yeah,
she liked your money, too.
[SOFT GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING]
Del?
There's a fallen tree
By a creek side
That you laid on, and told me
Don't let the fear
Of losing me
Keep you from moving on
Del?
Far from the prying eyes
Of our friends who came
By the fireflies
That show our way
We were starting
To slip away
That's when I was in love
Just for you to hear me play
Starting to realize
I'm the one that doesn't stay
I'm the one that goes away
I'm the one that goes away
DEL: Next onWayne
REGGIE:
So, you come all this way
to eat my fucking cereal?
Or 'cause you miss
your mama or some shit?
I've got my own
candle business.
Anyone ask you
to fucking do that?
Jesus fucking Christ!He's gotta fucking go.
Regardless of how inconvenient
this might be for you,
he's still my fucking kid.
COLE: We're gonna find Wayne
Oh, watch out for the dog![SCREAMING]
Looking for a boy
named Wayne McCullough.
Wayne is in danger.DEL: Nobody's fucking with him.
The place is like
a white trash fortress of
meth heads and crocodiles.