Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005) s01e09 Episode Script
The Dreamster
0
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
The events of that night are
still clouded by mystery,
but those of us that survived,
we knew we saw the face
of the beast.
[ TV announcer ]
Sick of tossing and turning?
[ announcer ]
Tired of being tired?
[ German accent ]
Hello. I'm Dr. Franz Weiner.
And I designed the
Dreamster Sound Effects Machine
to help you fall asleep
naturally and deeply.
Here's how it works.
Our patented sound effects have been scientifically enhanced
to activate the sleep center
deep inside your brain.
I tried everything -- pills,
pillows, therapy --
and nothing worked.
BECKY:
But the Dreamster Sound Machine
put me to sleep
the very first
time I tried it.
[ announcer ]
Call now to take advantage
of this special offer.
[ announcer ]
Side effects may include
drowsiness, nightmares,
and psychotic episodes.
[ announcer ]
If you die in your dreams,
you die in real life.
JESÚS:
Oh, man, it would be sweet to
Deejay with that thing.
I could put mountain streams
and raindrops into
my slow-jam mixes.
Hey, Judas, you want to order up one of those?
Already on the phone, dude!
Check it out, man --
rain!
JESÚS:
Yeah, sweet rain.
Makes me want to curl up
in a little ball.
Makes me want to open up my
mouth and catch raindrops
on my tongue, dude.
JESÚS:
That's beautiful, man.
[bleep]
Yeah, it is!
Whoo!
JESÚS:
[ laughing ] Judas.
Go
to sleep
nice old
lady
I'll see ♪
you in
your dreams ⪪
No one
will hear
you scream ♪
But me
No!
It's a
white-noise machine.
It makes noise to help you sleep.
That's the dumbest thing
I ever heard of!
Sister, listen to this.
[ humming ]
That is, um, "Summer Night."
Huh?
Sounds evil.
It's not evil.
It's "Summer Night."
I'm really scared.
This is not relaxing.
Sister,
it's not scary.
It's terrifying!
Listen to what it's saying!
It's not
saying anything.
Yes, it is!
Shh! Listen.
Okay, so it sounds like it is saying something.
See!
It's saying, "You"
It's saying, "Hi."
No, it's saying,
"You'll die."
Okay, you know what?
Go away.
I'm going to bed
with my machine.
You're gonna
regret it!
That will help me sleep!
It won't!
Yes, it will!
It's also not helping that you got me keyed up!
I'm sorry!
Good night!
SKANKY GIRL:
I love that track.
What is it?
That's
"Himalayan Yak Herders."
That's so cool.
Yak Herders -- those guys know how to party.
Whoo!
LUCY:
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Move!
Watch out.
SKANKY GIRL:
Damn it.
You encourage them.
Lucy, I'm a Deejay, and having a girl sexy-dance
right next to me is part of the job.
It's like if I was a construction worker
and you said to me,
"I don't like how there's
always cement
hanging around you."
Or if I was a baker,
and you'd be like,
"What's with all the yeast?"
I get it.
Okay.
How about this?
If you want to be with me, you
can't be a ridiculous man-slut.
How about that?
Yeah, that's fine.
I'm starting to get a little claustrophobic.
What?! Claustrophobic?
I give you your space.
All I ask is this one thing.
No, no, no.
Not in the relationship.
I mean literally in this closet.
It's a tiny space for two people.
So can we, uh
How can you be claustrophobic?
You're an escape artist.
All escape artists are
claustrophobic.
That's why we want to escape.
Okay.
Never mind.
Just show a little class
tonight, will you?
Okay.
Just let me out, okay?
Whoo!
Oh, my God!
Awesome!
You've got to be kidding me!
[ Special Father #1 ]
To be confronted with
your worst nightmare --
that was the darkness that
visited us that night.
A dream that turns on
the dreamer.
Sleep that becomes death.
Damn it.
All right.
I'll go pee, and then
I'll be able to sleep.
SISTER:
Hey, quiet down in there!
Oh, shush!
Hello. Come on in.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Oh, sorry.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
I was looking
for the bathroom.
That's all right.
Come in and have a seat, please.
I am Dr. Franz Weiner.
I want you to tell me about your fears.
My fears?
Yes, please.
I am interested in your worst
fears, your ultimate nightmare.
Uh-oh.
Doctor, is it weird if I'm going
to the bathroom right now?
Number one or number two?
Uhboth.
[Dr. Weiner in dream]
Yes.
It represents creativity.
Oh. Oh, that's good, then.
Yeah, it's good.
Hello, Jesús.
Do I know you?
I'm Dr. Franz Weiner.
I want you to tell me about your fears.
Are you a therapist?
Sort of.
You know who you remind me of?
Who?
Freddy Krueger.
Why?
Because of your sweater and your lumpy skin.
I don't have lumpy skin.
All right. Fine.
Let's just focus on you, Jesús,
and your fears.
No.
Hey, you're like
"Freudy" Krueger.
Okay.
That's -- that's enough.
Oh, man!
I wish Judas was in this dream.
He'd love that joke.
JUDAS:
I am in this dream, dude!
There he is!
That was hilarious --
"Freudy" Krueger.
Hilarious!
You're a goat, man.
What's going on?
JUDAS:
I don't know, man.
[ cellphone rings ]
[ Special Father #1 dreaming ]
Dr. Weiner, do you want to
get that?
SATAN:
Um, yes, I will.
Thank you.
Hold one second.
[ normal voice ]
Hello?
LUCY:
Hey, it's me.
Uh, it's not a good time.
SATAN:
Can I call you back?
Oh, okay.
I didn't really
have anything to say.
I'm just pissed.
I got in a fight with Jesús.
LUCY:
But, you know, I don't
want to talk about it.
Right, right.
So, 'cause I got to --
[ Lucy on phone ]
He is such a flirt!
LUCY:
It drives me nuts.
LUCY:
I was like,
"Just don't be a slut."
LUCY:
And he was like,
"It's part of my job."
Luce,
can I call you back?
LUCY:
I was like, "What?!"
And he was like --
[ German accent ]
Just one second!
No problem.
[ normal voice ]
Luce, really,
really busy night for me.
[ German accent ]
One second!
Take your time.
LUCY:
Oh, then, he said he was
claustrophobic.
And I was like, "What?"
I was gonna kill him.
But then he was like, "No, I'm actually claustrophobic."
And I was like, "Oh."
Then he went out, and he did body shots
on the two skankiest girls I
have ever seen.
[ normal voice ]
He's claustrophobic?
[ German accent ]
You are claustrophobic?
Yes. How did you know that?
[ normal voice ]
Thank you, Luce.
LUCY:
I should go back.
This is stupid.
[ German accent ]
Sorry.
Where were we?
I said I thought of something
that I'm scared of.
Oh, that's great.
Tell me.
It's something the Pope
e-mailed me last week.
He called it "Cute puppy"
in the subject.
So it threw me off.
I figured it was going to be a picture of a cute puppy.
And it was a link to a video of this guy
with a huge larva growing under his skin,
and he pushed it out through his --
Oh, oh.
[ Satan as Dr. Weiner ]
Oh, dear. That's horrible.
I know.
It made me sick.
I sent it to everyone I know.
[ rock music playing ]
Oh, uh, hello.
JESÚS:
How you folks doing?
JESÚS:
I can't remember
what we're doing.
JUDAS:
We're doing the
"Resur-rocktion."
JESÚS:
We are?
I don't do that trick.
JUDAS:
But that's what they
came to see, man.
JESÚS:
But we haven't practiced it.
[ high-pitched voice ]
It will be fine.
You were born to do this trick.
Uh, who are you?
I'm your lovely assistant.
Oh!
[ yawns ]
What a weird dream.
[ sniffs ]
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
Wetwet, wet, wet.
Aah!
Aah!
Ah! Ah!
Aahhh!
Oh!
Ohoh.
Oh, thank God.
SISTER:
Quiet down!
Ohoh, thank you.
No.
Oh!
Oh!
[ dreaming ]
No, no, no!
No!
No!!
Oh! Oh!
No!
Stroke me, stroke me ♪
Stroke! ♪
All right. Let's do this.
[ applause ]
Ladies and gentlemen, we've come to witness D.J. Jesús
attempt the most dangerous
escape of them all --
the Resur-rocktion!
[ applause ]
JUDAS:
D.J. Jesús will be placed into
this sarcophagus,
which will be lowered into this freshly dug grave.
JUDAS:
And this backhoe will bury him
under 10,000 cubic feet of dirt
and a big rock!
[ German accent ]
How are you feeling?
I'm totally unprepared.
Oh, my God.
It's a tight fit in here.
Great, great.
Sealing you up now.
[ high-pitched voice ]
Sealing you up now.
What's the trick?
Don't I have some trick
to get out of here?
[ normal voice ]
I sure hope so.
[ laughs evilly ]
JESÚS:
Lucy's dad?
Bye-bye, Jesús.
JESÚS:
Oh, my God.
Hey, don't -- no! No!
No!!
[ breathing rapidly ]
Oh, my God.
JESÚS:
Oh, my God.
JESÚS:
I don't know the escape.
What's the [bleep] damn trick?
JESÚS:
[ grunting ]
JESÚS:
Please let there be a way out.
JESÚS:
Please let there be a way out.
JESÚS:
Oh, God, please.
No!
[ gagging ]
No!!
JESÚS:
[ grunting ]
Air!
[ Jesús dreaming ]
Running out of air.
[ inhales deeply ]
LUCY:
Hey, wake up.
JESÚS:
Lu-- Lucy?
Wake up.
Lucy, how --
how did you get here?
LUCY:
What's wrong with you?
Wake up!
JESÚS:
Okay.
Stop saying that and get us out of here.
LUCY:
Wake up!
JESÚS:
Ow. Okay.
JESÚS:
Not necessary to slap me
and say "Wake up"
when I'm obviously next
to you and up, okay?
- Wake up!
- [JESÚS] ALL RIGHT. PLEASE.
LUCY:
What's wrong with you?
Wake up! Wake up!
JESÚS:
Don't slap my face.
JESÚS:
Stop it!
- JESÚS: Please! Hey, I'm here!
- LUCY: Wake up!
JESÚS:
Do not slap my face again.
Oh, shut up, rain.
Oh!
Hey, Lucy.
Uh, wow.
I just had the wildest dream,
and you were in it.
And you, Judas.
And you, skanky girl.
And, skanky girl's friend,
you were there, too.
And crazy shirt --
You were all there.
[ gagging ]
SISTER:
Here.
Ahh!
Oh, thank you.
You saved my life.
Sisterthank you.
SISTER:
Okay, wrap it up, Drama Queen.
SISTER:
We all need some rest now!
SISTER:
Go to sleep.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
What can I do to repay you?
SISTER:
You can go the [bleep] to sleep!
SISTER:
I haven't been able
to get any sleep
'cause you've been sucking on beads,
trying to kill yourself.
Just sleep, jerk-off!
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
The events of that night are
still clouded by mystery,
but those of us that survived,
we knew we saw the face
of the beast.
[ TV announcer ]
Sick of tossing and turning?
[ announcer ]
Tired of being tired?
[ German accent ]
Hello. I'm Dr. Franz Weiner.
And I designed the
Dreamster Sound Effects Machine
to help you fall asleep
naturally and deeply.
Here's how it works.
Our patented sound effects have been scientifically enhanced
to activate the sleep center
deep inside your brain.
I tried everything -- pills,
pillows, therapy --
and nothing worked.
BECKY:
But the Dreamster Sound Machine
put me to sleep
the very first
time I tried it.
[ announcer ]
Call now to take advantage
of this special offer.
[ announcer ]
Side effects may include
drowsiness, nightmares,
and psychotic episodes.
[ announcer ]
If you die in your dreams,
you die in real life.
JESÚS:
Oh, man, it would be sweet to
Deejay with that thing.
I could put mountain streams
and raindrops into
my slow-jam mixes.
Hey, Judas, you want to order up one of those?
Already on the phone, dude!
Check it out, man --
rain!
JESÚS:
Yeah, sweet rain.
Makes me want to curl up
in a little ball.
Makes me want to open up my
mouth and catch raindrops
on my tongue, dude.
JESÚS:
That's beautiful, man.
[bleep]
Yeah, it is!
Whoo!
JESÚS:
[ laughing ] Judas.
Go
to sleep
nice old
lady
I'll see ♪
you in
your dreams ⪪
No one
will hear
you scream ♪
But me
No!
It's a
white-noise machine.
It makes noise to help you sleep.
That's the dumbest thing
I ever heard of!
Sister, listen to this.
[ humming ]
That is, um, "Summer Night."
Huh?
Sounds evil.
It's not evil.
It's "Summer Night."
I'm really scared.
This is not relaxing.
Sister,
it's not scary.
It's terrifying!
Listen to what it's saying!
It's not
saying anything.
Yes, it is!
Shh! Listen.
Okay, so it sounds like it is saying something.
See!
It's saying, "You"
It's saying, "Hi."
No, it's saying,
"You'll die."
Okay, you know what?
Go away.
I'm going to bed
with my machine.
You're gonna
regret it!
That will help me sleep!
It won't!
Yes, it will!
It's also not helping that you got me keyed up!
I'm sorry!
Good night!
SKANKY GIRL:
I love that track.
What is it?
That's
"Himalayan Yak Herders."
That's so cool.
Yak Herders -- those guys know how to party.
Whoo!
LUCY:
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Move!
Watch out.
SKANKY GIRL:
Damn it.
You encourage them.
Lucy, I'm a Deejay, and having a girl sexy-dance
right next to me is part of the job.
It's like if I was a construction worker
and you said to me,
"I don't like how there's
always cement
hanging around you."
Or if I was a baker,
and you'd be like,
"What's with all the yeast?"
I get it.
Okay.
How about this?
If you want to be with me, you
can't be a ridiculous man-slut.
How about that?
Yeah, that's fine.
I'm starting to get a little claustrophobic.
What?! Claustrophobic?
I give you your space.
All I ask is this one thing.
No, no, no.
Not in the relationship.
I mean literally in this closet.
It's a tiny space for two people.
So can we, uh
How can you be claustrophobic?
You're an escape artist.
All escape artists are
claustrophobic.
That's why we want to escape.
Okay.
Never mind.
Just show a little class
tonight, will you?
Okay.
Just let me out, okay?
Whoo!
Oh, my God!
Awesome!
You've got to be kidding me!
[ Special Father #1 ]
To be confronted with
your worst nightmare --
that was the darkness that
visited us that night.
A dream that turns on
the dreamer.
Sleep that becomes death.
Damn it.
All right.
I'll go pee, and then
I'll be able to sleep.
SISTER:
Hey, quiet down in there!
Oh, shush!
Hello. Come on in.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Oh, sorry.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
I was looking
for the bathroom.
That's all right.
Come in and have a seat, please.
I am Dr. Franz Weiner.
I want you to tell me about your fears.
My fears?
Yes, please.
I am interested in your worst
fears, your ultimate nightmare.
Uh-oh.
Doctor, is it weird if I'm going
to the bathroom right now?
Number one or number two?
Uhboth.
[Dr. Weiner in dream]
Yes.
It represents creativity.
Oh. Oh, that's good, then.
Yeah, it's good.
Hello, Jesús.
Do I know you?
I'm Dr. Franz Weiner.
I want you to tell me about your fears.
Are you a therapist?
Sort of.
You know who you remind me of?
Who?
Freddy Krueger.
Why?
Because of your sweater and your lumpy skin.
I don't have lumpy skin.
All right. Fine.
Let's just focus on you, Jesús,
and your fears.
No.
Hey, you're like
"Freudy" Krueger.
Okay.
That's -- that's enough.
Oh, man!
I wish Judas was in this dream.
He'd love that joke.
JUDAS:
I am in this dream, dude!
There he is!
That was hilarious --
"Freudy" Krueger.
Hilarious!
You're a goat, man.
What's going on?
JUDAS:
I don't know, man.
[ cellphone rings ]
[ Special Father #1 dreaming ]
Dr. Weiner, do you want to
get that?
SATAN:
Um, yes, I will.
Thank you.
Hold one second.
[ normal voice ]
Hello?
LUCY:
Hey, it's me.
Uh, it's not a good time.
SATAN:
Can I call you back?
Oh, okay.
I didn't really
have anything to say.
I'm just pissed.
I got in a fight with Jesús.
LUCY:
But, you know, I don't
want to talk about it.
Right, right.
So, 'cause I got to --
[ Lucy on phone ]
He is such a flirt!
LUCY:
It drives me nuts.
LUCY:
I was like,
"Just don't be a slut."
LUCY:
And he was like,
"It's part of my job."
Luce,
can I call you back?
LUCY:
I was like, "What?!"
And he was like --
[ German accent ]
Just one second!
No problem.
[ normal voice ]
Luce, really,
really busy night for me.
[ German accent ]
One second!
Take your time.
LUCY:
Oh, then, he said he was
claustrophobic.
And I was like, "What?"
I was gonna kill him.
But then he was like, "No, I'm actually claustrophobic."
And I was like, "Oh."
Then he went out, and he did body shots
on the two skankiest girls I
have ever seen.
[ normal voice ]
He's claustrophobic?
[ German accent ]
You are claustrophobic?
Yes. How did you know that?
[ normal voice ]
Thank you, Luce.
LUCY:
I should go back.
This is stupid.
[ German accent ]
Sorry.
Where were we?
I said I thought of something
that I'm scared of.
Oh, that's great.
Tell me.
It's something the Pope
e-mailed me last week.
He called it "Cute puppy"
in the subject.
So it threw me off.
I figured it was going to be a picture of a cute puppy.
And it was a link to a video of this guy
with a huge larva growing under his skin,
and he pushed it out through his --
Oh, oh.
[ Satan as Dr. Weiner ]
Oh, dear. That's horrible.
I know.
It made me sick.
I sent it to everyone I know.
[ rock music playing ]
Oh, uh, hello.
JESÚS:
How you folks doing?
JESÚS:
I can't remember
what we're doing.
JUDAS:
We're doing the
"Resur-rocktion."
JESÚS:
We are?
I don't do that trick.
JUDAS:
But that's what they
came to see, man.
JESÚS:
But we haven't practiced it.
[ high-pitched voice ]
It will be fine.
You were born to do this trick.
Uh, who are you?
I'm your lovely assistant.
Oh!
[ yawns ]
What a weird dream.
[ sniffs ]
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
Wetwet, wet, wet.
Aah!
Aah!
Ah! Ah!
Aahhh!
Oh!
Ohoh.
Oh, thank God.
SISTER:
Quiet down!
Ohoh, thank you.
No.
Oh!
Oh!
[ dreaming ]
No, no, no!
No!
No!!
Oh! Oh!
No!
Stroke me, stroke me ♪
Stroke! ♪
All right. Let's do this.
[ applause ]
Ladies and gentlemen, we've come to witness D.J. Jesús
attempt the most dangerous
escape of them all --
the Resur-rocktion!
[ applause ]
JUDAS:
D.J. Jesús will be placed into
this sarcophagus,
which will be lowered into this freshly dug grave.
JUDAS:
And this backhoe will bury him
under 10,000 cubic feet of dirt
and a big rock!
[ German accent ]
How are you feeling?
I'm totally unprepared.
Oh, my God.
It's a tight fit in here.
Great, great.
Sealing you up now.
[ high-pitched voice ]
Sealing you up now.
What's the trick?
Don't I have some trick
to get out of here?
[ normal voice ]
I sure hope so.
[ laughs evilly ]
JESÚS:
Lucy's dad?
Bye-bye, Jesús.
JESÚS:
Oh, my God.
Hey, don't -- no! No!
No!!
[ breathing rapidly ]
Oh, my God.
JESÚS:
Oh, my God.
JESÚS:
I don't know the escape.
What's the [bleep] damn trick?
JESÚS:
[ grunting ]
JESÚS:
Please let there be a way out.
JESÚS:
Please let there be a way out.
JESÚS:
Oh, God, please.
No!
[ gagging ]
No!!
JESÚS:
[ grunting ]
Air!
[ Jesús dreaming ]
Running out of air.
[ inhales deeply ]
LUCY:
Hey, wake up.
JESÚS:
Lu-- Lucy?
Wake up.
Lucy, how --
how did you get here?
LUCY:
What's wrong with you?
Wake up!
JESÚS:
Okay.
Stop saying that and get us out of here.
LUCY:
Wake up!
JESÚS:
Ow. Okay.
JESÚS:
Not necessary to slap me
and say "Wake up"
when I'm obviously next
to you and up, okay?
- Wake up!
- [JESÚS] ALL RIGHT. PLEASE.
LUCY:
What's wrong with you?
Wake up! Wake up!
JESÚS:
Don't slap my face.
JESÚS:
Stop it!
- JESÚS: Please! Hey, I'm here!
- LUCY: Wake up!
JESÚS:
Do not slap my face again.
Oh, shut up, rain.
Oh!
Hey, Lucy.
Uh, wow.
I just had the wildest dream,
and you were in it.
And you, Judas.
And you, skanky girl.
And, skanky girl's friend,
you were there, too.
And crazy shirt --
You were all there.
[ gagging ]
SISTER:
Here.
Ahh!
Oh, thank you.
You saved my life.
Sisterthank you.
SISTER:
Okay, wrap it up, Drama Queen.
SISTER:
We all need some rest now!
SISTER:
Go to sleep.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
What can I do to repay you?
SISTER:
You can go the [bleep] to sleep!
SISTER:
I haven't been able
to get any sleep
'cause you've been sucking on beads,
trying to kill yourself.
Just sleep, jerk-off!