Astrid and Lilly Save the World (2022) s01e10 Episode Script

Previously on Astrid and Lilly
Save the World.
More like Pudge Patrol.
F those haters!
Long story short,
a portal to another dimension
was opened by you.
You are also the only ones
who can close it.
I mean, don't you trust me?
Why are you so into this stuff?
Because love is a battlefield.
Your mom asked me
to give you a ride home.
Hello, Sparrow.
Ugh!
Something big is going to happen.
Oh, I think I got it!
No, wait
It's way too smooth
to be the Vorakkulum.
- Hm.
- Hm.
Can I just say that this
particular color of guts
really brings out your eyes.
You look amazing!
Oh, my God!
I was literally thinking
the same thing about you!
Oh! Those cheekbones are just popping!
- Mm.
- Supermodel status.
Give it to me.
Ooh!
Slimy deflated brain.
- Check!
- Mm-hm.
Oh! Creepy tail thing.
Check!
Oh!
Ah, that's it!
Did we totally just get
the tenth monster body part
for the Orb, thereby saving the world?
Check!
Okay.
One last time.
There you are!
You know cold yoga's not a thing, right?
Monster blood runs warmer
than human blood.
So sorry to interrupt your
special private yoga time.
But we have big news!
Yeah?
We just got the final
monster body part
to close the portal!
You did?
Holy chocomole!
- I know.
- Can we close the portal now?
Soon! I just have to
prepare it for the full moon!
Ah, my gosh, it's gonna be so nice
to finally go to the dance tonight
and be normal teenagers for once.
Yeah, well
Oh, shit. What?
Well, I just found out that, um,
the Guardian is planning
on blasting open
every portal door tonight
at the, uh
At the dance? Why?
Turns out that tonight
is the blood moon eclipse.
And that the dance
is the best place to harvest
the human angst and insecurity,
not to mention body parts,
from teenagers.
Ugh. What a psycho.
Yeah, you have no idea.
So,
remember when you, um,
- blasted open the portal?
- Mm-hm.
You also blasted
the Guardian out of prison
where he was sent for all eternity
and transformed into a gas and put into
a very, very dark cell.
Oh, God. For what?
Oh, just for
taking over several dimensions
and turning them into hellscapes.
Oh
In this one, he turned
everyone inside out.
In this one,
he turned everyone into slugs.
And in this one,
he turned everyone inside out
and into slugs. It's not very original.
Okay, I think the less
we hear, the better.
Okay, so, how do we defeat him?
Snatch his master key.
He wears it around his neck
like a statement necklace.
If It's not around his neck, no powers
and then you can totally take him out.
What if he activates the Orb
before we get the key and kill him?
Yeah, that would not be good.
Monster soup.
Okay,
steal this creep's master key,
take him down,
save Sparrow,
all before the dance!
Easy-peasy.
Mm.
Mm.
Delicious.
I need to
build up my strength for tonight.
You understand.
Whatever you need, great one.
See, now, that's what I like to hear.
A thousand years ago,
you people didn't appreciate me,
or my brilliant ideas.
Idiots.
But, I forgive you
because once we fire up this baby
and all the portals open,
you will be joined
by thousands of my minions
from every dimension
and then
the world will be mine.
You mean "ours," right?
Hm?
Sorry, you said,
"The world will be all mine,"
but y-you meant ours?
Yes.
Of course.
And now that we're so close
No one can stop us.
Especially not
two little girls.
Isn't that right, Sparrow?
So
what's everyone wearing to the dance?
Hey, Eggs.
Oh, cool! I've-I've been meaning to read
The Journey Inside
the Inside of an Actor's Brain.
How is it?
Surprisingly decent.
Minus all the rebirth metaphors.
Cool, cool. I
Yeah, I heard it was, like,
the foundation
of every great
actor's studies, so, um
Eh, uh
For your next big role,
would it interest you to
shuffle off to Buffalo
tonight
with me?
Mm, dancing is exercise
that raises the heartbeat
an average of 20 bpm.
Okay.
I'd be honoured
to go to the dance with you.
If that's what you meant.
Yeah, yeah. That was
That was exactly what I meant.
Uh
Okay.
Everything's clear for the dance, yeah?
Good.
Oh, God. Here we go.
Um, hi, Sparrow.
What do you want?
Ah, okay, um
Well, I just haven't seen you
or-or talked to you in a while.
Just want to make sure you're okay?
I'm the best I've ever been.
Well, I feel like we left
things off, kind of
You want to go talk somewhere else?
Why would I want to talk to you?
You really think someone like me
would like someone like you?
Come on, Astrid.
I got what I wanted;
wasn't that great.
Shall we?
He's really not in there.
He didn't mean that.
I'm so sorry.
We're going to get him back, okay?
I really hope so.
But, for now,
let's go follow my possessed boyfriend.
Ugh
The last time I was here,
I was busting Sparrow out.
Not watching him walk in.
Oh, that sucks.
- You know what else?
- Hm?
The last time I was here,
I saw through the floor
and into the basement and saw
A statement necklace!
Let's go!
What is this weird place?
Feels really wrong down here.
Yeah, like we definitely
shouldn't be here.
Astrid, look!
The pendant.
And the Orb.
That's him.
That's him?
Holy shit.
I think he's asleep.
Okay
You're going to get it, right?
No, it's your turn.
Well, I guess we'll
just both get it together.
Hm.
Hi, girls.
Ow! Let us go!
Astrid, it's burning!
How fascinating.
My mark's not appearing.
Run!
Should I stop them?
No.
Let them go.
I want them to see the big show.
His smile is gonna
haunt my dreams forever,
which, I guess,
might not be much longer.
Why didn't he try to stop us?
Because
he didn't think we could stop him.
When he's on our turf,
he'll see what's what.
Maybe.
- Hey, guys.
- Ho!
You can't with that today!
We just went to the Guardian's
lair to try and failed
to get the pendant before the dance.
And why didn't you tell us
the Guardian was
some basic-ass white dude?
I didn't know what form he's gonna take.
Are you guys okay?
Not really. This feels hopeless.
How are we supposed to
get the master key?
It's like he knew we were coming.
And he was super strong.
We need to get this dance cancelled.
I wish I could help you guys tonight,
but my horn can't go anywhere
near the Guardian's Orb,
otherwise, this pretty face
blows off.
Ew.
- Lovely.
- Yeah.
Well,
since everyone's faces
are blowing off tonight,
might as well give you this now.
Mm.
Just a little
thanks for being on our team.
Guys
No one's ever given me a
I don't-I don't know what to say.
You guys are the closest thing to family
I've had since, well
my own family, so
Sorry we can't help you
close the portal.
Well, with the whole
end of days thing, you know?
Yeah, don't worry about that. I mean
I can handle it
and you guys can focus on big G.
I'll go see if I can
dig up some more info and
I'll find you later.
Operation cancel death dance
and then outsmart asshole,
commencing now.
Hey, so, bad news!
Dance is cancelled.
Um, asbestos poisoning.
Somebody had diarrhea all over the caf!
What are you talking about?
There's a monster
coming to kill everyone.
No? No one?
Yello, yello. Officer Drew speaking.
Ah, hello officer.
This is Dr. Kathy Kourtlin
from the health department
and we have an emergency
rat situation at the high school
and we're going to need you to
- Evacuate?
- Evacuate the premises and, uh,
- Barricade?
- Barricade the entrances.
Yeah, I've never seen
anything like this.
Rats everywhere!
Okay. Yeah.
Nice try, girls.
Okay, well, maybe they'll
listen to an authority figure?
Yeah.
You got this!
Hey, Ferrets!
It's me, Michelle.
Supe sad to announce
that the dance has been cancelled,
so, um, make sure you forget
about coming tonight
because its definitely not happen
Oh, my gosh!
You guys are so busted.
Since you hate dances so much,
you can forget about coming tonight.
Yeah, I'm telling security
not to let you in.
You are offish
banned.
How is it possible that we
just made everything worse?
I have one last idea.
- The Guardian?
- Yep.
And that's what all those
cosmic disturbances were?
- Yep.
- And you decided to tell us
this in the shitter?
Our office.
But, yeah.
Okay, look,
we can't get the dance cancelled
and nobody's gonna believe us
about monster stuff, anyway.
And the Guardian is the scariest SOB
that we've encountered so far,
so killing him
is gonna take a little bit
of pushing his buttons,
which might be terrifying, but
we have a plan we think might work.
We just need you guys to help.
You've gotta be kidding me.
Okay, we got you.
Eggs
you're in charge of this.
All right, people
shit's about to get weird.
Is this too much blush?
Oh, cute.
You're nervous.
Uh, and, no, you look great!
Thanks.
Can't look too good
for a classic breaking and entering,
and a classic monster vanquish
if we can even sneak past Michelle.
Ideal first date stuff.
You look good too, you know.
Too bad Sparrow won't get to appreciate
how frigging hot I look.
I appreciate it!
Hm.
Astrid,
I'm scared.
Yeah, me, too.
I just wish we could go
to the dance like normal people
and have a normal time and just
be normal.
But we're better than normal.
We're Pudge Patrol.
I think it's time for a little
superhero wardrobe
accessorizing.
For strength!
- I am so in!
- Yeah?
Ah, aren't we just, like,
the cutest, most badass bitches
that ever lived, like?
The cutestest badassest.
Hey, do you feel kinda guilty
that we're not helping Brutus
close the portal?
- Like, we did that!
- Mm-hm.
Shouldn't we see it through to the end?
Perhaps a little pitstop
on the way to the dance?
- But, first.
- Hm?
Let's go put
our dresses on!
- Brutus!
- Brutus?
Surprise!
What are you guys doing here?
Portal closing party!
You're wearing your jacket!
Yeah. I-I
You both look great.
- Aw.
- Hm.
Uh, Brutus
What's that behind you?
It worked.
What worked?
That's not our portal.
What is that?
I, uh
Brutus?
I gave you the wrong Orb.
The wrong Orb? Wh
what do you mean?
Well, the-the truth is
The truth is
my one true love never broke up with me.
She was sucked through a portal
into a horrifying dimension,
one that is nothing like
your lovely Earth.
And
I have to rescue her,
just like your bird person.
So, I gave you the Orb
that opens the portal
to the dimension where she is
instead of the one
instead of the one
that closes your portal.
So, you've been lying to us
this whole time?
No.
Isn't it your job to protect us?
Help us close this thing, like,
Portal Protectorate and all?
I may have stretched the truth
on that one.
How could you do this to us?
I'm so sorry
to betray your trust, I'm
I'm sorry to leave you like this.
I would stay if I thought
I could do anything else to help
but now that all the dimensions
are destined for doom,
I have to at least try
to see her one last time
Just go.
I really meant what I said
about you being like family.
Angel.
Oh, demon.
I love it.
Hey!
Demon.
I can't believe I trusted that guy.
I thought we were friends.
I thought we were family.
How are we supposed to face this alone?
Traitor.
How could he give us the wrong Orb?
I just feel so used.
Makes me feel like I wanna give up.
Yeah, me too.
But the fact is
we did vanquish ten monsters.
- That is true.
- Mm-hm.
He can't take that away from us.
Mm-mm.
What if we don't give up?
What if we don't?
I can't believe that worked.
Michelle, foiled by her own
precious dance decorations.
Let's do this!
Cool jackets, ladies.
Yeah. We know!
Bag's in the corner
and the team's ready to go.
You guys okay?
- Right as rain.
- Never been better.
Can I just say:
you have some serious dance skills.
I watched a lot of Fred Astaire.
I wanted you to have the, uh,
dance partner you deserved and, uh
you're not so bad yourself.
Well, an actor must always be prepared.
For anything.
Well, I hope you're not acting
when it comes to
us.
No. No
Definitely not when it comes to us.
Candace?
What are you doing here?
Me?
Why are you here?
I am chaperoning.
And I made it very clear to you
that you cannot be here tonight.
Because Lilly's my date?
Wha?
Or is it because you're working for
some evil monster dude?
You don't know
what you are talking about.
Maybe try worrying more about
being a good mom
and less about whatever garbage
this guy is promising you.
Please just call him off.
Candace.
Please go home.
No.
You go home right now, little miss!
Candace, go home!
- Okay, the bag is in the back.
- First sign of the Guardian,
we'll round up the troops,
take them there.
- Yep.
- Wow.
You clean up nice.
You look gorgeous, Lil.
Oh, thanks. You, too.
I can't believe you're my date.
I tried to talk sense into my mom.
I wish she would
just listen to me for once.
Don't beat yourself up.
She can't stop him, anyway.
Well, I got you and Astrid
some flower flair.
Aw.
- For me?
- Yeah.
Seriously?
Ah, that's actually really nice.
Ugh!
You're gonna make me like you,
aren't you?
Yeah.
Hello, everyone!
I hope you're enjoying
Angels and Demons.
You're welcome.
Before we continue,
it is time to announce
your Royals.
Hm.
Your king goes to
Obvi Tate Hudson.
Wow, Tate Hudson for King.
Wow, great King.
Shocker, shocker-shocker.
And your Queen
goes to
Lilly Fortenberry?
Wow!
Shit.
There is so much wrong with this.
Like, for starters, uh,
what are you doing here
because I banned you from the dance?
I will wear this crown
before I put it on your head.
Give her the crown, Michelle.
Look, just because
you were popular in high school
doesn't give you the right
to be a jerk to kids now.
So, do us a favor and just
shut up.
And, for the record,
I'm officially banning you
as my kid's godmother.
Yes!
Bye.
Well, come on up here, Lilly!
That's my best friend!
That's my girlfriend!
We love you, Lilly!
Oh, my God.
Oh, okay, move, move-move-move.
Get out of the way, get out of the way!
Ahem.
Okay, move.
This is, um unexpected.
Not to me.
I voted for you.
Along with a lot of other people.
What?
Why?
Well, it seems kind of dumb
now, considering all of this
end-of-days craziness of tonight but
Mm.
I guess I just wanted
to do something nice for you
after how I've acted this year.
Pudge Patrol stuff.
Mm.
Candace stuff.
Speaking of
I think maybe there's someone else
who should have this dance.
Uh,
should we?
We?
Sure.
You all right?
Cool jacket.
Yeah, I know.
Look, Astrid, I just
I wanted to say
thanks
and I'm so sorry.
I know I've been a dick
and a complete idiot, but
I'm trying to be better?
That's it.
Whoa.
Ah, um
Okay.
Okay.
I'll take it.
Okay, so when is this dude getting here?
I don't know. Did you practice the oboe?
Yes?
Sparrow.
Okay.
It's go time.
Did he just freeze Michelle?
Oh, shit!
That's new.
Hey!
Uh-uh.
Double shit.
Hi, girls.
Looking for this?
Oh, this is bad. Oh,
this is really, really bad.
Sparrow, listen to me. Ah!
This isn't you! You're full of light
and-and kindness and
Come on, I dunno, wedge fries!
But you don't wanna do this.
What about Philbert, hm?
Why are you talking to me?
Welcome to the show.
Sorry, little girlies;
can't fight destiny.
This world
was always going to be mine.
Sparrow, tie these two up, hm?
Make sure to secure that one's leg.
Come on.
Ah! Oh, my
They're ready for your mark.
Seems their little powers
won't let them be marked.
Oh
Doesn't matter.
Because I'm going to show these
monster hunters
what real power looks like.
Wow, this guy really loves himself.
Guard the Orb.
Whoof!
Yum.
I just feel the angst
radiating off of you all.
Now, it's almost time.
Are you ready
to serve your true purpose,
hm?
For me?
Hello.
No!
Oh-ho-ho.
Is this one important to you?
Well,
you probably shouldn't have
told me that.
Christine?
I'm afraid I've miscounted.
We're going to need
her intestines, as well.
Wait! What?
That was not
a part of our deal, partner.
You agreed to spare her.
The path to righteousness
is defined by sacrifice.
Nobody knows that more than I do.
But, she's one of us.
Uh, you can't just kill her.
Uh
Take anybody else!
Okay.
- Ah!!
- Oh!
Uh!
Hey,
clean this up.
Aren't you lucky?
Oh, goody.
The blood moon eclipse.
My pets,
the countdown to guts town
has begun.
We collect in ten minutes.
God, I think we're too late.
I can't believe
this is really happening.
I'm so scared!
Me, too.
But, hey,
at least we almost saved the world.
Yeah, yeah, we sure did, bestie.
I love you, Lilly.
I love you, too.
If this really is the end,
then I'm glad I'm here with you.
Me, too.
What is happening?
Eggs, how are you not frozen?
Untie us while the Guardian
is still over there!
I don't have an answer for that.
When I came back from the bathroom,
everyone looked like this.
- Oh.
- Okay, go, go, go, go.
- By the way
- Okay.
I, uh, found this taped to your locker.
Oh, it's from Brutus.
"I'm sorry" Blah-blah-blah
"Please forgive me"?
Okay, "I just found out
some helpful info"
on my portal travels.
The master key truly is a key,
meaning it can open things,
but it can also close them.
"Toss it into your portal to close it!"
Wait, what? Really?
Good luck, hunters.
"X-O, B."
I guess he came through for us
one last time.
Yeah, if it's even true.
Y'all ready to push some buttons?
Hit that shithead where it hurts.
Mm-hm.
Monster hunting
Doesn't seem that hard.
Hey, yacht dork!
Guardian
is a stupid name.
Well,
that was foolish.
Why aren't you frozen?
I guess maybe your powers
aren't as great
as you thought they were.
Well, you're a sassy one, aren't you?
I think I'll turn you
into toenail fungus
when this is all over.
My Orb!
Where are those girls?
Looking for this?
Guess who has all the power now,
shitburger.
Not so strong without your pendant,
huh?
Ho-ho-ho, I can smell your fear.
I'm stronger than you
even without that pendant.
Let's see, shall we?
You idiots!
You still think you can defeat me?
When will you learn
that the world will never respect you
the way they respect me?
Because I
am a powerful man
with really good hair.
And you're
What?
Girls?
Outcasts?
Monster hunters?
It's so cute that you think you can
Oh, man! Shut up!
- Go, go, go!
- All right, who are you?
And what are you idiots doing?
God, you don't shut up, do you?
That's right. Come and get us, asshole!
You really think that
Stop.
Shut up, dude!
Okay, we've had a day!
Our guide is gone,
you possessed her boyfriend
and now you're telling us
we're not worthy or powerful?
We are freaking powerful as all freak!
Hyah!
All right.
Enough
of this child's play!
Show's over!
I'm going to take you two out
with my bare hands!
No.
My world!
Our world, you frickin' creep!
Pudge Patrol mission:
complete.
Who ruined my dance?!
I go to all this trouble
to give you the night of your lives
and this is what I get in return?
Is that blood?
Ahem.
Eggs! Oh, Eggs!
I think I just saw a monster!
You did.
But I fought him off.
Who is this man? Who are you?
Candace?
Oh, are you okay?
- Yeah, I-I guess.
- Yeah?
I don't-I don't remember what happened.
Where's my mom?
Oh, God!
No! No, no, no, no, no. No!
No, Mom, what did you do?
What-what happened? What happened?
She she actually saved your life.
Well, why couldn't you save hers?
Oh, Mom. Mom, Mom, Mom.
I'm still talking to you, Mom.
Please don't go. Please talk to me.
No, no.
Astrid!
Sparrow!
Oh, you're back!
Wait! Are you back?
I-I think I'm back.
Yeah, a little foggy, but I'm here.
What happened?
Last thing I remember,
I was getting in a car
with Christine after detention
Wait a second, I'm mad at you!
Ah, thank God!
Thank God that I'm mad at you?
Yes, because now I know
you're the real you!
So, we have a lot to talk about.
Do you wanna get outta here?
Nah, I'm not sure.
Unless maybe Philbert could come?
Of course! Yeah.
And Philbert
also wants to apologize
for acting like a baby in detention
about how you communicate
when you clearly have
a lot going on.
Well,
if Philbert's down,
I'd be willing to get
real vulnerable with him.
Like straight-up TMI levels.
You're still talking about
a lizard, yeah,
'cause he can't actually talk, so
So, what the hell happened here tonight?
I'll gonna fill you in on that later.
But first
I gotta deal with something.
Okay.
I guess this is it.
Do you feel like?
Who will we be after all this is done?
Yeah.
But I won't miss that
vinegar vomit smell, though.
Yeah.
Goodbye dorky super leg!
Here goes nothing.
Oh, shit!
Thank frickin' God!
Uh, did we just save the world?
We just did that?
I know, we just did that!
I wish Brutus was here to see it.
Yeah. Me, too.
Uh
Do your hands feel weird?
No.
I feel totally fine.
I am not cleaning this up.
Huh.
Too much punch, girl.
Hm.