Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005) s01e10 Episode Script
Satan's School for Girls
0
SPECIAL FATHER # 1:
Sometimes death leaves a
stain on a place
Like a stain left behind by something that stains.
JESÚS:
Isn't this place amazing?
It was a Catholic girls' boarding school or something.
LUCY:
I think it's kind of creepy.
Yeah, man, it's, uh, it is a little creepy.
JESÚS:
Come on, guys.
I got to get this
re-remix done,
and this is just the place to do it --
No one else around for
miles; no e-mail; no phones;
big, empty pool with weird tiles.
It's great. Come on.
[ farts ]
Oh, hey, excuse me, guys.
Your fart echoed.
Ho!
The acoustics in the pool are
awesome.
Hey, I'm gonna set up
right down here.
JESÚS:
Luce, you want to see if you can
find where the outlets are?
Uh, sure.
[ tapping ]
[ whispering ghost voice ]
Fat ass.
Hello?
[ whispering ghost voice ]
Fat ass.
Hello?
Who said that?
[ whispering ghost voice ]
You have a fat ass.
I do not!
Aaah!
[ disco music plays ]
Ah
You can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
You can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
It's called
"Pound my Tom-Tom."
It's called
"Pound my Tom-Tom."
It's about vaginas.
[ chuckling ]
Oh, Mary.
Tony said.
He loaned it to me.
Tony the lifeguard?
Yeah!
He's gonna show me the dance
that goes to it.
Ha.
Tony's gonna do the Tom-Tom
with Hairy Mary.
That'll be funny.
Bye, Mary.
Stop calling me Hairy Mary!
Oh, I'll stop calling you
Hairy Mary
when you shave your
arms and wax your back
and pluck your face.
Leave me alone!
Not supposed to have
disco records.
It's a sin.
Give it back!
Honestly, Mary, do you think
Tony would ever like a girl
who has a bigger mustache
than he does?
Yes, I do!
[ electronic musical notes play ]
[ buzzes ]
Oh, this sucks.
This re-remix is kicking my ass.
JUDAS:
What's that, boss?
Nothing.
[ sighs ]
JESÚS:
I don't remember this record.
What the hell?
[ disco music plays ]
Whoa. Cool song.
Whoa.
Judas, Lucy,
come check this out!
Wow. What's happening?
All my records turned into this record, and it's perfect.
The perfect beat to go
with my re-remix.
Then the tiles started moving.
LUCY:
I think it's spooky.
It's awesome.
There's something weird going on in this place.
Yeah, man, she's right.
Look, will you two relax?
I'm really excited about this song, okay?
Maybe you guys could stop being
so negative
and start being a little supportive of me.
How does that sound?
LUCY:
Okay.
You can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
LUCY:
Are they saying
"Pound my Tom-Tom"?
[ sighs ]
LUCY:
I'm sorry. "Supportive."
I'm being supportive.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
As a young girl, Sister Mary
found herself face-to-face
with the Devil.
He came not as a serpent
in the grass,
but as a lifeguard in a banana hammock.
I really enjoyed the record
you loaned me.
It's groovy, huh?
Will you show me how to do
the Tom-Tom?
Huh?
You said you'd show
me how to do --
Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Check it out.
Oh!
Come on.
Do itlike this.
Deh-deh-deh-deh.
Yeah, yeah.
There we go.
Like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There we go.
Start to feel the rhythm, huh?
Good. Yeah.
Move it like that.
That's nice. Ooh!
Rrr!
Rrr!
Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!
Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!
Yes!
Time to wash your back hair,
Mary.
BOTH:
[ chanting ] Hairy Mary.
Hairy Mary.
Hairy Mary!
Hairy Mary!
- Hairy
- Mary!
- Hairy
- Hairy.
[ laughter ]
Rrr!
[ water splashes ]
Ha ha. She's drowning.
[ laughter ]
[ suspenseful music plays ]
[ chuckles ]
What's that?
[ whispering ghost voice ]
You're cute.
Who's there?
[ whispering ghost voice ]
You've got skills.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
I like your beard.
Uh, thank you.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
Your girlfriend doesn't like
your beard.
Yes, she does.
I think she does.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
She doesn't want
you to be happy.
Of course she does.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
She wants to interfere.
She does?
[ whispering ghost voice ]
Yeah. She does.
What?
[ whispering ghost voice ]
She's an interferer.
Wait a minute.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
I still like your beard.
[ chuckles ]
You
[ whispering ghost voice ]
What?
You're funny,
whispering voice.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
You're funny.
You're funny.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
I like your eyes, too.
JESÚS:
All right!
[ whispering ghost voice ]
So deep.
JESÚS:
Mm-hmm. Keep talking.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Luce, your dog pooped
on the rug!
I'm not cleaning it up!
[ laughs ]
Hey, there.
Where'd you come from?
[ laughs ]
Wait. Where you going?
Hey, cute girl, come back.
Huh?
CUTE GIRL:
[ laughs ]
Aaaahhh!
I think we should leave.
[bleep] "A" man.
Good. It's settled.
I'll go pack my bag.
We can't leave.
This re-remix is being paid for by my label.
I signed a contract --
A legal document.
Do you have any idea
what that means?
LUCY:
I do. It's just --
It's what, Lucy? What?
You just want to interfere
with my career?
LUCY:
No.
I think all of us feel that --
You know, I think all of us don't understand
that I was totally blocked and
this place unblocked me
until you came in
here and interrupted me.
So back off and let me work
so I can make music
that will pay for more trips like this.
LUCY:
I don't think anyone wants
more trips like this.
Well, I do!
I want them.
Now get out.
JUDAS:
We could leave him here.
LUCY:
We can't leave him here.
Well, then, I'm gonna call an exorcist or something.
A what?
An exorcist.
What is that gonna do?
Like the Ghostbusters,
you know?
JUDAS:
Someone to, like,
fix everything here.
I don't even think those exist, and even if they did,
how would you find one?
Got the internet
on my phone.
Boom!
I already got one.
That was quick.
Yeah.
Sidney's Exorcism.
Armonk, New York.
That's a long way away, right?
Yeah.
Let me try another one.
How many choices do you have for an exorcist?
Three.
I guess try the next one.
Hey, what are you doing
way over here?
Nothing.
[ scoffs ]
Oh, them?
SATAN:
Hey, you can't let anyone
get one over on you.
You got to get 'em back.
Pour shampoo on them?
No, no, no.
Worse.
In their eyes?
Worse than shampoo
in their eyes.
You mean conditioner?
No, not conditioner.
Worse.
Worse than conditioner?
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
Yeah?
SATAN:
Look at me.
I am.
SATAN:
Really?
Y-yeah.
SATAN:
Oh.
SATAN:
What's wrong
with your eye?
Nothing.
Let me tilt my head.
I can create the illusion that
I'm looking right at you.
SATAN:
That's weird.
I guess.
SATAN:
Your eye is weird.
Okay. I know.
I'm hairy, my eye is weird, my
mustache -- but you know what?
Look inside!
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
The Sister had put her
association with this place
behind her, but now fate or
God's own hand, perhaps,
had dragged her back so that she might face her past.
What are we doing here?!
Holy crap! No!
No, no! This is all wrong!
No. This is the right place.
Okay. Leaving now.
What? No. No, no, no.
We drove for three hours
to get here.
We're not leaving.
I have to do a number due.
See?
Father Benetti has to poo.
Plus, this was your idea,
Sister.
"Let's make a little extra money," you said.
"Put an ad on the internet," you said.
- Yeah, but --
- "But, but."
What is your problem?
We're going in.
No!
As trained and certified
exorcists,
we are able to cast out demons
if demons are present.
Oh, man, they're here.
They're totally here.
This place is evil!
That girl's the Antichrist!
Sister! Enough.
Evil!
She [chuckles nervously] she has some problems today.
This place is evil.
- Sister, please.
- No!
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Sister.
SISTER:
[ grunting ]
SPECIAL FATHER #2:
Perdoni mi.
I really got to go.
Oh, yes.
Father Benetti would like to use your restroom, if possible.
No, don't do it.
JUDAS:
Yeah, yeah, sure.
It's down the hall to the left.
SISTER:
Don't do it!
Sister!
Thank you very much.
Be careful, man.
You might see this rotting girl in a bathing suit spurting blood
out her eyes.
Not cool.
ALL:
[ screaming ]
Who's that?
It's Hairy Mary!
[ speaking gibberish ]
[ disco music plays ]
That song!
You! D.J.!
BOTH:
Kill her.
Kill her.
Get out of the pool for me!
BOTH:
Kill Hairy Mary.
Kill them all.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Hi, HairyMary.
Hi.
[ record scratches ]
Rrr!
Ugh! Oh!
[ beeping ]
Bomb.
[ groans ]
JESÚS:
What -- what -- what happened?
JESÚS:
Oh, my God.
JESÚS:
Oh, my God.
JESÚS:
There was $90,000 worth of
equipment in there.
SISTER:
It was haunted.
SPECIAL FATHER # 1:
That will be $500, please.
SPECIAL FATHER # 1:
Sometimes death leaves a
stain on a place
Like a stain left behind by something that stains.
JESÚS:
Isn't this place amazing?
It was a Catholic girls' boarding school or something.
LUCY:
I think it's kind of creepy.
Yeah, man, it's, uh, it is a little creepy.
JESÚS:
Come on, guys.
I got to get this
re-remix done,
and this is just the place to do it --
No one else around for
miles; no e-mail; no phones;
big, empty pool with weird tiles.
It's great. Come on.
[ farts ]
Oh, hey, excuse me, guys.
Your fart echoed.
Ho!
The acoustics in the pool are
awesome.
Hey, I'm gonna set up
right down here.
JESÚS:
Luce, you want to see if you can
find where the outlets are?
Uh, sure.
[ tapping ]
[ whispering ghost voice ]
Fat ass.
Hello?
[ whispering ghost voice ]
Fat ass.
Hello?
Who said that?
[ whispering ghost voice ]
You have a fat ass.
I do not!
Aaah!
[ disco music plays ]
Ah
You can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
You can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
And you can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
It's called
"Pound my Tom-Tom."
It's called
"Pound my Tom-Tom."
It's about vaginas.
[ chuckling ]
Oh, Mary.
Tony said.
He loaned it to me.
Tony the lifeguard?
Yeah!
He's gonna show me the dance
that goes to it.
Ha.
Tony's gonna do the Tom-Tom
with Hairy Mary.
That'll be funny.
Bye, Mary.
Stop calling me Hairy Mary!
Oh, I'll stop calling you
Hairy Mary
when you shave your
arms and wax your back
and pluck your face.
Leave me alone!
Not supposed to have
disco records.
It's a sin.
Give it back!
Honestly, Mary, do you think
Tony would ever like a girl
who has a bigger mustache
than he does?
Yes, I do!
[ electronic musical notes play ]
[ buzzes ]
Oh, this sucks.
This re-remix is kicking my ass.
JUDAS:
What's that, boss?
Nothing.
[ sighs ]
JESÚS:
I don't remember this record.
What the hell?
[ disco music plays ]
Whoa. Cool song.
Whoa.
Judas, Lucy,
come check this out!
Wow. What's happening?
All my records turned into this record, and it's perfect.
The perfect beat to go
with my re-remix.
Then the tiles started moving.
LUCY:
I think it's spooky.
It's awesome.
There's something weird going on in this place.
Yeah, man, she's right.
Look, will you two relax?
I'm really excited about this song, okay?
Maybe you guys could stop being
so negative
and start being a little supportive of me.
How does that sound?
LUCY:
Okay.
You can pound my Tom-Tom ♪
LUCY:
Are they saying
"Pound my Tom-Tom"?
[ sighs ]
LUCY:
I'm sorry. "Supportive."
I'm being supportive.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
As a young girl, Sister Mary
found herself face-to-face
with the Devil.
He came not as a serpent
in the grass,
but as a lifeguard in a banana hammock.
I really enjoyed the record
you loaned me.
It's groovy, huh?
Will you show me how to do
the Tom-Tom?
Huh?
You said you'd show
me how to do --
Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Check it out.
Oh!
Come on.
Do itlike this.
Deh-deh-deh-deh.
Yeah, yeah.
There we go.
Like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There we go.
Start to feel the rhythm, huh?
Good. Yeah.
Move it like that.
That's nice. Ooh!
Rrr!
Rrr!
Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!
Yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!
Yes!
Time to wash your back hair,
Mary.
BOTH:
[ chanting ] Hairy Mary.
Hairy Mary.
Hairy Mary!
Hairy Mary!
- Hairy
- Mary!
- Hairy
- Hairy.
[ laughter ]
Rrr!
[ water splashes ]
Ha ha. She's drowning.
[ laughter ]
[ suspenseful music plays ]
[ chuckles ]
What's that?
[ whispering ghost voice ]
You're cute.
Who's there?
[ whispering ghost voice ]
You've got skills.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
I like your beard.
Uh, thank you.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
Your girlfriend doesn't like
your beard.
Yes, she does.
I think she does.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
She doesn't want
you to be happy.
Of course she does.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
She wants to interfere.
She does?
[ whispering ghost voice ]
Yeah. She does.
What?
[ whispering ghost voice ]
She's an interferer.
Wait a minute.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
I still like your beard.
[ chuckles ]
You
[ whispering ghost voice ]
What?
You're funny,
whispering voice.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
You're funny.
You're funny.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
I like your eyes, too.
JESÚS:
All right!
[ whispering ghost voice ]
So deep.
JESÚS:
Mm-hmm. Keep talking.
[ whispering ghost voice ]
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Luce, your dog pooped
on the rug!
I'm not cleaning it up!
[ laughs ]
Hey, there.
Where'd you come from?
[ laughs ]
Wait. Where you going?
Hey, cute girl, come back.
Huh?
CUTE GIRL:
[ laughs ]
Aaaahhh!
I think we should leave.
[bleep] "A" man.
Good. It's settled.
I'll go pack my bag.
We can't leave.
This re-remix is being paid for by my label.
I signed a contract --
A legal document.
Do you have any idea
what that means?
LUCY:
I do. It's just --
It's what, Lucy? What?
You just want to interfere
with my career?
LUCY:
No.
I think all of us feel that --
You know, I think all of us don't understand
that I was totally blocked and
this place unblocked me
until you came in
here and interrupted me.
So back off and let me work
so I can make music
that will pay for more trips like this.
LUCY:
I don't think anyone wants
more trips like this.
Well, I do!
I want them.
Now get out.
JUDAS:
We could leave him here.
LUCY:
We can't leave him here.
Well, then, I'm gonna call an exorcist or something.
A what?
An exorcist.
What is that gonna do?
Like the Ghostbusters,
you know?
JUDAS:
Someone to, like,
fix everything here.
I don't even think those exist, and even if they did,
how would you find one?
Got the internet
on my phone.
Boom!
I already got one.
That was quick.
Yeah.
Sidney's Exorcism.
Armonk, New York.
That's a long way away, right?
Yeah.
Let me try another one.
How many choices do you have for an exorcist?
Three.
I guess try the next one.
Hey, what are you doing
way over here?
Nothing.
[ scoffs ]
Oh, them?
SATAN:
Hey, you can't let anyone
get one over on you.
You got to get 'em back.
Pour shampoo on them?
No, no, no.
Worse.
In their eyes?
Worse than shampoo
in their eyes.
You mean conditioner?
No, not conditioner.
Worse.
Worse than conditioner?
Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
Yeah?
SATAN:
Look at me.
I am.
SATAN:
Really?
Y-yeah.
SATAN:
Oh.
SATAN:
What's wrong
with your eye?
Nothing.
Let me tilt my head.
I can create the illusion that
I'm looking right at you.
SATAN:
That's weird.
I guess.
SATAN:
Your eye is weird.
Okay. I know.
I'm hairy, my eye is weird, my
mustache -- but you know what?
Look inside!
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
The Sister had put her
association with this place
behind her, but now fate or
God's own hand, perhaps,
had dragged her back so that she might face her past.
What are we doing here?!
Holy crap! No!
No, no! This is all wrong!
No. This is the right place.
Okay. Leaving now.
What? No. No, no, no.
We drove for three hours
to get here.
We're not leaving.
I have to do a number due.
See?
Father Benetti has to poo.
Plus, this was your idea,
Sister.
"Let's make a little extra money," you said.
"Put an ad on the internet," you said.
- Yeah, but --
- "But, but."
What is your problem?
We're going in.
No!
As trained and certified
exorcists,
we are able to cast out demons
if demons are present.
Oh, man, they're here.
They're totally here.
This place is evil!
That girl's the Antichrist!
Sister! Enough.
Evil!
She [chuckles nervously] she has some problems today.
This place is evil.
- Sister, please.
- No!
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Sister.
SISTER:
[ grunting ]
SPECIAL FATHER #2:
Perdoni mi.
I really got to go.
Oh, yes.
Father Benetti would like to use your restroom, if possible.
No, don't do it.
JUDAS:
Yeah, yeah, sure.
It's down the hall to the left.
SISTER:
Don't do it!
Sister!
Thank you very much.
Be careful, man.
You might see this rotting girl in a bathing suit spurting blood
out her eyes.
Not cool.
ALL:
[ screaming ]
Who's that?
It's Hairy Mary!
[ speaking gibberish ]
[ disco music plays ]
That song!
You! D.J.!
BOTH:
Kill her.
Kill her.
Get out of the pool for me!
BOTH:
Kill Hairy Mary.
Kill them all.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Hi, HairyMary.
Hi.
[ record scratches ]
Rrr!
Ugh! Oh!
[ beeping ]
Bomb.
[ groans ]
JESÚS:
What -- what -- what happened?
JESÚS:
Oh, my God.
JESÚS:
Oh, my God.
JESÚS:
There was $90,000 worth of
equipment in there.
SISTER:
It was haunted.
SPECIAL FATHER # 1:
That will be $500, please.