Lucy: The Daughter of the Devil (2005) s01e11 Episode Script
Monster
0
I will personally hunt this
evil monster and kill it.
I will not let this thing to come our city
and eat our citizens --
Not on my watch!
SATAN:
What the hell is that?
I was gonna ask you.
SATAN:
I want one.
What do you mean,
you want one?
SATAN:
I really want one.
What would you do with it?
SATAN:
I'd put it in, like, a huge
cage or, like, a diorama.
No, no, you --
SATAN:
And we'd give
it its own habitat
and then we'd throw people in.
SATAN:
It would eat them,
And we'd laugh.
SATAN:
I'm getting it.
You're not getting it.
- SATAN: I'm getting it.
- You're not.
- SATAN: Please?
- No.
SATAN:
Come on.
We're going straight to the
White House, my man.
You kill a big monster, I don't think you have to worry
too much about the nomination.
Primaries? Forget about it.
[ telephone rings ]
This is Bob.
Bob. Satan.
[ Satan on phone ]
Listen, do not kill the monster.
I want it.
You want it?
SATAN: Yeah.
- Huh.
I'm gonna kill it with a huge gun on national television.
I command you not to kill
the mons--
SENATOR:
Listen, I have to go.
I'm doing interviews all day.
Ah, what a prick.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Oh, great.
The Pope is coming tomorrow,
and a monster is attacking
San Francisco.
That's just perfect.
That's fine.
He loves that kind of stuff.
Remember when he made us go see the beached whale?
But we're responsible for his safety while he's here.
We'll take him to go
see some cable cars.
- He'll be fine.
- [ sighs ]
We'll get him some dim sum and some wine.
I don't think the Pope is going to want dim sum.
I think the Pope is gonna
want dim sum.
All right, we'll agree to disagree.
No, we're gonna place a $10 bet!
Fine.
[ Senator on phone ]
Hello, Lucy!
It's Bob Whitehead.
I'm gonna be on CNN
in two minutes.
Put it on.
I'll wink at you.
Stop calling.
Stop calling me.
If I see you anywhere near me,
I'm gonna mace you.
SENATOR:
Wait, wait, wait --
If I could mace you over the
phone, I would.
Can you feel this?
LUCY:
Can you feel it?
[ intro to the Waitresses'
"I Know What Boys Like" plays ]
I know what boys like ♪
I know what guys want ♪
I know what boys like ♪
I've got what boys like ♪
I know what boys like ♪
Boys like
Boys like me
Sorry, Bob,
I couldn't stop them.
Senator, we need a giant sound system
and a giant microphone.
I know how to stop the monster.
It's human beat-boxing.
Dude!
You're naked!
Yes, I woke up naked
on the docks,
and I decided to come straight to work.
Nice dick!
Thank you.
What I'd give for half of that!
D.J. J., spit some beats for that politicians' dick!
[ beat-boxes ]
Sweet dick to ♪
[ beat-boxes ]
Sweet dick to
Aah!
[bleep]
I hate that human beat-boxing.
SENATOR:
Oh, yo,
no filming in here!
Oh, they're, uh,
they're with me.
We're gonna make a DVD of me using music to stop the monster.
JESÚS:
Maybe because it's
human beat-boxing --
JESÚS:
Maybe that's what
the monster hates so much.
Oh, no Mr. D.J.
You no-a save-a the city.
I save the city.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Did you get a good picture of
that, your Eminence?
[ German accent ]
Hey, I'm not into this.
[ sighs ]
Hey, I have an idea.
Let's go get some dim sum.
No, I had
Chinese two days ago.
It's delicious here.
You've never had it like here.
No, I'll pass.
It's really good!
I pass! I don't want it!
- [ groans ]
- I win.
[ growls ]
- Give me your money.
- Fine.
Hey, Eminence, do you want to bless some people?
Yeah, okay,
I'll bless some peoples.
Bless you, my children.
[bleep] heathens.
POPE:
Where's everyone going?
I don't know.
There's a monster that's been attacking the city.
A monster where?
You don't --
The Golden Gate Bridge!
[ groans ]
The Golden Gate Bridge?
Let's go!
- POPE: Richie!
- RICHIE: Yes?
Let's go!
[ JUDAS ]
Hey, man, you better start
your warm-ups.
Oh, right, yeah, warm--
Warm-up.
War pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa.
Pee pa pa pee poo pa poo pee.
Hey, man, you sound tight.
Let me give you a rubdown.
M-m-moogla mopa.
Yeah.
- Ha ba ba.
- Open up.
Oma ah ah ah ah.
I'm gonna go in.
Oh, yeah. Ah ah a--
[ choking ]
Sorry.
You put your finger
down my throat.
Man, I should have washed
my hands, huh?
Yes.
SATAN:
I had to call in a lot of
favors to set this up,
but the when the monster gets to the middle of the bridge, right
- BECKY: Uh-huh.
- SATAN: I hit this button
Uh-huh.
And I blow up the bridge.
BECKY:
Nice.
- SATAN: Becky.
- BECKY: Keep going.
- SATAN: What was that?
- BECKY: Keep going.
SATAN:
No, you got excited when I
said "Blow up the bridge."
BECKY:
And then what?
SATAN:
Well, then the monster falls
in the water,
and then the fishing boats pull him in with the net,
and then I got him.
BECKY:
[ sighs ]
Wow.
SATAN:
And then I'm gonna blow
up the bridge again.
Huh?
- BECKY: I like it.
- SATAN: Yeah.
BECKY:
It's a plan.
It fires 25-millimeter
depleted-uranium shells
accurate up to 2,500 meters,
which is
more than I'm gonna need,
'cause I'm gonna ram this thing
down that
monster's ugly throat.
[ camera shutter clicks ]
[ Reporter Kevzo ]
Senator, why are you
operating this weapon?
Well, Kevzo, call me
old-fashioned,
but when my city is at risk,
I guess I just want to have my finger
on the trigger.
Senator, Kevzo again.
Do you know which is the trigger?
It's one of these.
[ cellphone ringing ]
SENATOR:
This is Bob.
SATAN:
You look ridiculous
on that thing.
SENATOR:
Where are you?
Stay away from here.
SATAN:
Listen, I'm calling
to tell you again --
don't shoot the monster.
SENATOR:
Well, I'm gonna shoot the
monster, and you know what?
I don't need you anymore.
You're fired.
[ exhales ]
Bob, just don't shoot the monster,
and I'll make everything right.
SENATOR:
Oh, really?
Yes.
Do I always take care of you, huh?
Who's my
Whitey Whitehead?
- SENATOR: Ah, don't.
- Who is he?
SENATOR:
[ sighs ] I d-d-d
SATAN:
You're my little baby.
- Don't do that.
- SATAN: Huh?
SATAN:
Am I cradling
you in my arms?
SATAN:
Am I?
No, d-d--
SATAN:
You do love me.
SENATOR:
No, no, d--
'Cause I love you.
- SENATOR: No, no.
- Yes, I do.
SENATOR:
M-- g-- have--
- Bob?
- SENATOR: Hmm?
You want to go out with Lucy, right?
You do this for me
Oh, don't get my started
about Lucy!
My God, she's the most
frustrating -- I can't --
She won't
return my calls!
SATAN:
She won't return your calls.
SENATOR:
I can't even get
to second base!
SATAN:
Can't do what?
SENATOR:
That girl is
SATAN:
What are you trying to say?
[ evil voice ]
Don't forget to vote!
SATAN:
Don't forget to vote?
Run!
The Senator's the monster!
The gun is stuck on his crotch!
SATAN:
Holy crap, it's him.
The Senator is the monster.
BECKY:
[ chuckles ]
SATAN:
That is hilarious.
- Do you still want it?
- SATAN: What?
- The monster
- SATAN: Oh.
Now that you know it's the Senator.
SATAN:
I-I guess.
Well, you know what you have to do to get it.
- SATAN: What?
- Blow the bridge!
SATAN:
Becky, I get it.
I will. Hold on.
SATAN:
He's got to get to the middle before I blow it.
POPE:
Pope coming. Heads up.
Out of the way.
Move aside!
POPE:
Holy crap!
Look at that thing!
Get me closer, Richie!
RICHIE:
You got it, boss.
POPE:
My God.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
We really should move back.
It's not safe here.
POPE:
Listen.
[ helicopter blades whirring ]
- POPE: Do you here?
[ beat-boxes ]
- [ screeches ]
- POPE: The monster,
he hates it.
[ beat-boxes ]
POPE:
Come out! Come out!
You're right. It's working!
SISTER:
Go! Go! Go!
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Go, your Eminence, go!
SATAN:
What the hell is going
on over there?
[ coughs ]
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Pass the mike.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Pass the mike.
[ beat-boxes ]
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Your Holiness, pass the mike.
POPE:
[ gasping ]
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
You must pass the mike.
[ groans ]
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
It's basic etiquette.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Pass the mike!
I got it! I got it!
No! Please!
POPE:
Beat box! Beat box!
SISTER:
You can't just keep
saying "Beat box."
Why not?
- SISTER: Pass the mike!
- POPE: Nein!
- SPECIAL FATHER #1: Please.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
I implore you,
your Eminence.
Oh, God.
SISTER:
Shoot it!
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Stop!
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Stop firing!
It's bulletproof glass.
SISTER:
Oh, yeah.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Oh, God.
JESÚS:
Lucy! Lucy!
SATAN:
Come on.
Go to the middle.
BECKY:
What's going on?
SATAN:
He's got some girl.
POPE:
He's got the girl!
Richie, after them!
RICHIE:
You got it, Pope.
SISTER:
Save the girl!
JESÚS:
Lucy!
JESÚS:
[ beat-boxes ]
JESÚS:
Lucy!
[ continues beat-boxing ]
SATAN:
That's it.
Mm-hmm.
Here we go. Run.
Run to the middle.
And
And
- SATAN: Go!
- BECKY: Ahh!
BECKY:
Mmm!
BECKY:
Do it again.
SATAN:
Ican't.
Not quite yet.
I have to reset it.
Can we wait 10 minutes and
you can do it again?
SATAN:
Uh, give me 20.
SATAN:
Is that the Pope?
POPE:
Lower pontoons!
POPE:
Whee!
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Are you enjoying yourself,
your Eminence?
POPE:
Oh, yes!
- SPECIAL FATHER #1: Great.
- POPE: So fun!
SATAN:
Damn it.
Hmm
JESÚS:
[ beat-boxes ]
PILOT:
We're hit.
We got to land.
JESÚS:
Lucy!
Oh!
[ growls ]
SISTER:
That's the
Marin Headlands.
POPE:
Oh, yeah.
SISTER:
That's Alcatraz.
The movie "The Rock"
was taped there.
POPE:
Oh, Ja.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Sister, we don't need a tour.
SISTER:
There's Robin Williams' house,
- POPE: Oh, yes!
where he keeps all his
crazy characters.
[ telephone rings ]
LUCY:
Hello?
SATAN: Luce.
- Hey.
- SATAN: Dada.
- Mm-hmm.
SATAN:
How you feeling?
Fine, I guess.
Listen, I'm gonna come by,
and I'm gonna bring someone.
LUCY:
No.
- He's handsome.
- LUCY: [ sighs ]
He is a General.
How many stars?
4-star General, Lucy. Huh?
- LUCY: No.
- Four.
- LUCY: No.
- That's the highest they go.
LUCY:
I don't care.
Oh, there's a five.
SATAN:
There is a five.
Dad, the answer is no.
SATAN:
Look, he's not gonna turn
into a monster, I promi-- aah!
- SATAN: Aah!
- Dad?
- SATAN: My leg!
- Dad?
SATAN:
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, Dad?
SATAN:
[ laughs ] I'm kidding.
[ sighs ]
- SATAN: You believed that.
- I did.
SATAN:
You did.
SATAN:
[ screaming ]
Well, I've kind of --
I've kind of had a bad experience recently in that area.
LUCY:
I would think you'd be
a little sensitive to that.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Listen,
put on a nice dress.
We'll be there in five minutes.
LUCY:
Dad, you listen.
I have something
I have to tell you.
SATAN:
What?
I'm pregnant.
SATAN:
What?
SATAN:
W-- who's the father?
LUCY:
The Senator.
SATAN:
The Senator?
LUCY:
Uh-huh.
SATAN:
He's dead.
LUCY:
Well,
it was before he died.
SATAN:
Oh, right.
SATAN:
Right, right, right.
SATAN:
Of course.
SATAN:
It takes time.
LUCY:
I didn't have sex with a
dead Senator monster
if that's what you're implying.
SATAN:
I don't know what you're
doing half the time.
That's good,
though, right?
LUCY:
I have a monster baby
growing inside me.
You think that's good news?
SATAN:
That's right.
That's great!
I'll keep the -- I can --
I'll take it.
LUCY:
What?
- SATAN:
I have the cage already.
- LUCY: What?!
SATAN:
I was mad that I lost
the first monster.
LUCY:
Dad, I was kidding.
SATAN:
Kidding about what?
LUCY:
I'm not pregnant with a
monster baby.
LUCY:
I never had sex with
the Senator.
I can't believe you
were excited about this.
I was trying to get you back for scaring me.
SATAN:
That's so dumb.
What a dumb joke.
Why would you do that?
LUCY:
I just thought you'd say,
"Oh, no!"
And then I could say, "Kidding," like how you always do to me.
SATAN:
Well, it did work! Now I'm mad!
LUCY:
All right, then I guess --
SATAN:
What are you mad about?
Your joke worked.
I believed that you were
pregnant,
and then I got excited 'cause
I was gonna have a
monster baby.
LUCY:
Well, I guess I'm kind
of mad that my dad
would be excited
about the fact
that I'd be pregnant
with a monster baby.
SATAN:
That's what I want!
I want you to be happy,
and I want a monster!
SATAN:
[ sighs ]
Act as a precise OCR engine. Transcribe every line of text from this image exactly as it appears. The language is English. Maintain the vertical order. Use a single '
' to separate each line. Do not skip any text. Output only the transcribed text.
I will personally hunt this
evil monster and kill it.
I will not let this thing to come our city
and eat our citizens --
Not on my watch!
SATAN:
What the hell is that?
I was gonna ask you.
SATAN:
I want one.
What do you mean,
you want one?
SATAN:
I really want one.
What would you do with it?
SATAN:
I'd put it in, like, a huge
cage or, like, a diorama.
No, no, you --
SATAN:
And we'd give
it its own habitat
and then we'd throw people in.
SATAN:
It would eat them,
And we'd laugh.
SATAN:
I'm getting it.
You're not getting it.
- SATAN: I'm getting it.
- You're not.
- SATAN: Please?
- No.
SATAN:
Come on.
We're going straight to the
White House, my man.
You kill a big monster, I don't think you have to worry
too much about the nomination.
Primaries? Forget about it.
[ telephone rings ]
This is Bob.
Bob. Satan.
[ Satan on phone ]
Listen, do not kill the monster.
I want it.
You want it?
SATAN: Yeah.
- Huh.
I'm gonna kill it with a huge gun on national television.
I command you not to kill
the mons--
SENATOR:
Listen, I have to go.
I'm doing interviews all day.
Ah, what a prick.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Oh, great.
The Pope is coming tomorrow,
and a monster is attacking
San Francisco.
That's just perfect.
That's fine.
He loves that kind of stuff.
Remember when he made us go see the beached whale?
But we're responsible for his safety while he's here.
We'll take him to go
see some cable cars.
- He'll be fine.
- [ sighs ]
We'll get him some dim sum and some wine.
I don't think the Pope is going to want dim sum.
I think the Pope is gonna
want dim sum.
All right, we'll agree to disagree.
No, we're gonna place a $10 bet!
Fine.
[ Senator on phone ]
Hello, Lucy!
It's Bob Whitehead.
I'm gonna be on CNN
in two minutes.
Put it on.
I'll wink at you.
Stop calling.
Stop calling me.
If I see you anywhere near me,
I'm gonna mace you.
SENATOR:
Wait, wait, wait --
If I could mace you over the
phone, I would.
Can you feel this?
LUCY:
Can you feel it?
[ intro to the Waitresses'
"I Know What Boys Like" plays ]
I know what boys like ♪
I know what guys want ♪
I know what boys like ♪
I've got what boys like ♪
I know what boys like ♪
Boys like
Boys like me
Sorry, Bob,
I couldn't stop them.
Senator, we need a giant sound system
and a giant microphone.
I know how to stop the monster.
It's human beat-boxing.
Dude!
You're naked!
Yes, I woke up naked
on the docks,
and I decided to come straight to work.
Nice dick!
Thank you.
What I'd give for half of that!
D.J. J., spit some beats for that politicians' dick!
[ beat-boxes ]
Sweet dick to ♪
[ beat-boxes ]
Sweet dick to
Aah!
[bleep]
I hate that human beat-boxing.
SENATOR:
Oh, yo,
no filming in here!
Oh, they're, uh,
they're with me.
We're gonna make a DVD of me using music to stop the monster.
JESÚS:
Maybe because it's
human beat-boxing --
JESÚS:
Maybe that's what
the monster hates so much.
Oh, no Mr. D.J.
You no-a save-a the city.
I save the city.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Did you get a good picture of
that, your Eminence?
[ German accent ]
Hey, I'm not into this.
[ sighs ]
Hey, I have an idea.
Let's go get some dim sum.
No, I had
Chinese two days ago.
It's delicious here.
You've never had it like here.
No, I'll pass.
It's really good!
I pass! I don't want it!
- [ groans ]
- I win.
[ growls ]
- Give me your money.
- Fine.
Hey, Eminence, do you want to bless some people?
Yeah, okay,
I'll bless some peoples.
Bless you, my children.
[bleep] heathens.
POPE:
Where's everyone going?
I don't know.
There's a monster that's been attacking the city.
A monster where?
You don't --
The Golden Gate Bridge!
[ groans ]
The Golden Gate Bridge?
Let's go!
- POPE: Richie!
- RICHIE: Yes?
Let's go!
[ JUDAS ]
Hey, man, you better start
your warm-ups.
Oh, right, yeah, warm--
Warm-up.
War pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa.
Pee pa pa pee poo pa poo pee.
Hey, man, you sound tight.
Let me give you a rubdown.
M-m-moogla mopa.
Yeah.
- Ha ba ba.
- Open up.
Oma ah ah ah ah.
I'm gonna go in.
Oh, yeah. Ah ah a--
[ choking ]
Sorry.
You put your finger
down my throat.
Man, I should have washed
my hands, huh?
Yes.
SATAN:
I had to call in a lot of
favors to set this up,
but the when the monster gets to the middle of the bridge, right
- BECKY: Uh-huh.
- SATAN: I hit this button
Uh-huh.
And I blow up the bridge.
BECKY:
Nice.
- SATAN: Becky.
- BECKY: Keep going.
- SATAN: What was that?
- BECKY: Keep going.
SATAN:
No, you got excited when I
said "Blow up the bridge."
BECKY:
And then what?
SATAN:
Well, then the monster falls
in the water,
and then the fishing boats pull him in with the net,
and then I got him.
BECKY:
[ sighs ]
Wow.
SATAN:
And then I'm gonna blow
up the bridge again.
Huh?
- BECKY: I like it.
- SATAN: Yeah.
BECKY:
It's a plan.
It fires 25-millimeter
depleted-uranium shells
accurate up to 2,500 meters,
which is
more than I'm gonna need,
'cause I'm gonna ram this thing
down that
monster's ugly throat.
[ camera shutter clicks ]
[ Reporter Kevzo ]
Senator, why are you
operating this weapon?
Well, Kevzo, call me
old-fashioned,
but when my city is at risk,
I guess I just want to have my finger
on the trigger.
Senator, Kevzo again.
Do you know which is the trigger?
It's one of these.
[ cellphone ringing ]
SENATOR:
This is Bob.
SATAN:
You look ridiculous
on that thing.
SENATOR:
Where are you?
Stay away from here.
SATAN:
Listen, I'm calling
to tell you again --
don't shoot the monster.
SENATOR:
Well, I'm gonna shoot the
monster, and you know what?
I don't need you anymore.
You're fired.
[ exhales ]
Bob, just don't shoot the monster,
and I'll make everything right.
SENATOR:
Oh, really?
Yes.
Do I always take care of you, huh?
Who's my
Whitey Whitehead?
- SENATOR: Ah, don't.
- Who is he?
SENATOR:
[ sighs ] I d-d-d
SATAN:
You're my little baby.
- Don't do that.
- SATAN: Huh?
SATAN:
Am I cradling
you in my arms?
SATAN:
Am I?
No, d-d--
SATAN:
You do love me.
SENATOR:
No, no, d--
'Cause I love you.
- SENATOR: No, no.
- Yes, I do.
SENATOR:
M-- g-- have--
- Bob?
- SENATOR: Hmm?
You want to go out with Lucy, right?
You do this for me
Oh, don't get my started
about Lucy!
My God, she's the most
frustrating -- I can't --
She won't
return my calls!
SATAN:
She won't return your calls.
SENATOR:
I can't even get
to second base!
SATAN:
Can't do what?
SENATOR:
That girl is
SATAN:
What are you trying to say?
[ evil voice ]
Don't forget to vote!
SATAN:
Don't forget to vote?
Run!
The Senator's the monster!
The gun is stuck on his crotch!
SATAN:
Holy crap, it's him.
The Senator is the monster.
BECKY:
[ chuckles ]
SATAN:
That is hilarious.
- Do you still want it?
- SATAN: What?
- The monster
- SATAN: Oh.
Now that you know it's the Senator.
SATAN:
I-I guess.
Well, you know what you have to do to get it.
- SATAN: What?
- Blow the bridge!
SATAN:
Becky, I get it.
I will. Hold on.
SATAN:
He's got to get to the middle before I blow it.
POPE:
Pope coming. Heads up.
Out of the way.
Move aside!
POPE:
Holy crap!
Look at that thing!
Get me closer, Richie!
RICHIE:
You got it, boss.
POPE:
My God.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
We really should move back.
It's not safe here.
POPE:
Listen.
[ helicopter blades whirring ]
- POPE: Do you here?
[ beat-boxes ]
- [ screeches ]
- POPE: The monster,
he hates it.
[ beat-boxes ]
POPE:
Come out! Come out!
You're right. It's working!
SISTER:
Go! Go! Go!
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Go, your Eminence, go!
SATAN:
What the hell is going
on over there?
[ coughs ]
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Pass the mike.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Pass the mike.
[ beat-boxes ]
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Your Holiness, pass the mike.
POPE:
[ gasping ]
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
You must pass the mike.
[ groans ]
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
It's basic etiquette.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Pass the mike!
I got it! I got it!
No! Please!
POPE:
Beat box! Beat box!
SISTER:
You can't just keep
saying "Beat box."
Why not?
- SISTER: Pass the mike!
- POPE: Nein!
- SPECIAL FATHER #1: Please.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
I implore you,
your Eminence.
Oh, God.
SISTER:
Shoot it!
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Stop!
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Stop firing!
It's bulletproof glass.
SISTER:
Oh, yeah.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Oh, God.
JESÚS:
Lucy! Lucy!
SATAN:
Come on.
Go to the middle.
BECKY:
What's going on?
SATAN:
He's got some girl.
POPE:
He's got the girl!
Richie, after them!
RICHIE:
You got it, Pope.
SISTER:
Save the girl!
JESÚS:
Lucy!
JESÚS:
[ beat-boxes ]
JESÚS:
Lucy!
[ continues beat-boxing ]
SATAN:
That's it.
Mm-hmm.
Here we go. Run.
Run to the middle.
And
And
- SATAN: Go!
- BECKY: Ahh!
BECKY:
Mmm!
BECKY:
Do it again.
SATAN:
Ican't.
Not quite yet.
I have to reset it.
Can we wait 10 minutes and
you can do it again?
SATAN:
Uh, give me 20.
SATAN:
Is that the Pope?
POPE:
Lower pontoons!
POPE:
Whee!
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Are you enjoying yourself,
your Eminence?
POPE:
Oh, yes!
- SPECIAL FATHER #1: Great.
- POPE: So fun!
SATAN:
Damn it.
Hmm
JESÚS:
[ beat-boxes ]
PILOT:
We're hit.
We got to land.
JESÚS:
Lucy!
Oh!
[ growls ]
SISTER:
That's the
Marin Headlands.
POPE:
Oh, yeah.
SISTER:
That's Alcatraz.
The movie "The Rock"
was taped there.
POPE:
Oh, Ja.
SPECIAL FATHER #1:
Sister, we don't need a tour.
SISTER:
There's Robin Williams' house,
- POPE: Oh, yes!
where he keeps all his
crazy characters.
[ telephone rings ]
LUCY:
Hello?
SATAN: Luce.
- Hey.
- SATAN: Dada.
- Mm-hmm.
SATAN:
How you feeling?
Fine, I guess.
Listen, I'm gonna come by,
and I'm gonna bring someone.
LUCY:
No.
- He's handsome.
- LUCY: [ sighs ]
He is a General.
How many stars?
4-star General, Lucy. Huh?
- LUCY: No.
- Four.
- LUCY: No.
- That's the highest they go.
LUCY:
I don't care.
Oh, there's a five.
SATAN:
There is a five.
Dad, the answer is no.
SATAN:
Look, he's not gonna turn
into a monster, I promi-- aah!
- SATAN: Aah!
- Dad?
- SATAN: My leg!
- Dad?
SATAN:
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, Dad?
SATAN:
[ laughs ] I'm kidding.
[ sighs ]
- SATAN: You believed that.
- I did.
SATAN:
You did.
SATAN:
[ screaming ]
Well, I've kind of --
I've kind of had a bad experience recently in that area.
LUCY:
I would think you'd be
a little sensitive to that.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Listen,
put on a nice dress.
We'll be there in five minutes.
LUCY:
Dad, you listen.
I have something
I have to tell you.
SATAN:
What?
I'm pregnant.
SATAN:
What?
SATAN:
W-- who's the father?
LUCY:
The Senator.
SATAN:
The Senator?
LUCY:
Uh-huh.
SATAN:
He's dead.
LUCY:
Well,
it was before he died.
SATAN:
Oh, right.
SATAN:
Right, right, right.
SATAN:
Of course.
SATAN:
It takes time.
LUCY:
I didn't have sex with a
dead Senator monster
if that's what you're implying.
SATAN:
I don't know what you're
doing half the time.
That's good,
though, right?
LUCY:
I have a monster baby
growing inside me.
You think that's good news?
SATAN:
That's right.
That's great!
I'll keep the -- I can --
I'll take it.
LUCY:
What?
- SATAN:
I have the cage already.
- LUCY: What?!
SATAN:
I was mad that I lost
the first monster.
LUCY:
Dad, I was kidding.
SATAN:
Kidding about what?
LUCY:
I'm not pregnant with a
monster baby.
LUCY:
I never had sex with
the Senator.
I can't believe you
were excited about this.
I was trying to get you back for scaring me.
SATAN:
That's so dumb.
What a dumb joke.
Why would you do that?
LUCY:
I just thought you'd say,
"Oh, no!"
And then I could say, "Kidding," like how you always do to me.
SATAN:
Well, it did work! Now I'm mad!
LUCY:
All right, then I guess --
SATAN:
What are you mad about?
Your joke worked.
I believed that you were
pregnant,
and then I got excited 'cause
I was gonna have a
monster baby.
LUCY:
Well, I guess I'm kind
of mad that my dad
would be excited
about the fact
that I'd be pregnant
with a monster baby.
SATAN:
That's what I want!
I want you to be happy,
and I want a monster!
SATAN:
[ sighs ]
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