Leave It to Beaver (1957) s01e18 Episode Script

1
("Leave it to Beaver" theme music)
[Announcer] "Leave it to Beaver."
Starring Barbara Billingsley,
Hugh Beaumont, Tony Dow,
and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.
(phone ringing)
Hello, Auxiliary Firehouse Number Seven.
Pete speaking.
Oh, hello, Wally.
What's up with you fellas?
Nothing, we're just kinda messing around.
Say, Pete, we were just wondering.
You've been a fireman for a long time, haven't ya?
Well, have you ever gotten a cat out of a tree?
Oh, couple of hundred of 'em, I suppose.
Yeah, well, uh, you think you could
get a kid out of a bathroom?
Oh, you could, huh?
Well, you think you could get two kids out of a bathroom?
(upbeat music)
What are you boys gonna do tomorrow?
We're gonna go down the firehouse
and help Pete polish old Number Seven.
Well, it's a fine thing.
I try to get 'em to wash our car,
and they want to charge me a whole dollar,
but they'll go polish a fire engine for nothing.
Dad, you get a fire engine, we'll polish it.
Ha.
I'll pick up a couple one of these days.
Look, you boys better take your lunches
over to the firehouse tomorrow.
Your father and I are going to a wedding.
Weddings are too sissy.
When I get married, I'm not gonna have a wedding.
Nah, Beave, weddings aren't bad.
You get to throw things at people and everything.
Well, I don't think there'll be
very much throwing at this particular wedding.
This is the Clarksons' oldest daughter.
Oh, I figured she'd get married sooner or later.
You did, why?
Well, all last summer up at the lake,
she kept taking those sunbaths out on the ï, oat.
Oh.
Well, of course, I wouldn't have noticed that.
Mom, did they have ï, oats in your day?
No, I met your father quite a while ago.
Came in my cave and hit me with a club.
Remember, dear?
Like it was yesterday.
Dad, did you really hit Mom with a club?
I think your mother was just being a facetious female.
Oh, well, I guess that means
we should drop the subject, huh, Dad? (Chuckles)
(chuckles) Yeah, I think so.
Look, if you boys will take your dishes
out in the kitchen,
we'll all have dessert together in the living room.
Okay, Mom.
(playful music)
This time you wash and I'll wipe.
Now, what was the idea in telling them
that nonsense about me hitting you with a club?
Might make a bad impression on 'em.
Oh, I don't think so.
Anyway, I didn't like that light that came in your eye
when they mentioned Helen Clarkson
taking those sunbaths on the ï, oat.
Oh, yeah?
I'll have to watch that.
Oh, uh, by the way, the Wilsons are picking us up tomorrow.
I thought we might as well all go the wedding together.
Herb and Janet Wilson?
Mm-hmm.
They the ones that just had the new baby?
The new baby is four years old.
Four years?
Four years.
Well, I get out of my cave so seldom,
I don't know what's going on in the world.
Old Herb is really the conscientious father.
I run into him every once in a while over at the club.
Awfully corny.
He's always asking me for tips
on the proper rearing of the child.
I suppose you're always ready to supply them.
Well, naturally.
Just the other day I was telling him, uh, well,
how I managed to instill a sense of responsibility
in our two fellows.
Of course, Herb has an almost insurmountable problem
with his youngster.
A problem?
Yeah.
He has a girl.
All right, boys, we'll take over.
Yeah, you boys can run on upstairs
and get started on your homework.
Homework?
Well, gee, Dad, it's Friday night.
I know it's Friday night.
But if you do your homework on Friday,
then you can have fun all day Saturday and Sunday
without having to worry about it.
We never worry about it anyways, Dad.
Then suppose you go up and straighten up
that messy bathroom of yours.
Gee, Mom, how'd you know it was messy?
Because you both came down to supper clean.
Yeah, it's funny how dirty stuff gets getting clean.
Ward?
Huh?
What kind of a girl do you suppose Wally will marry?
Well, I was just thinking about the Clarksons' wedding.
He'll get married one of these days.
Well, I imagine he'll marry some lovely,
charming creature exactly like his mother.
Ward, you're sweet.
No, I'm not, just diplomatic.
Go scrape your plate.
(playful music)
(door clicks)
Hey, Beave, I think they're coming.
Boy, it sure takes a long time to get ready for a wedding.
[Wally] Wow!
Boy, Mom, you sure look expensive.
Thank you.
Hmm?
Well, boys, uh, how does your old dad look?
Gee, Dad, you look keen.
Yeah, Dad, I never thought you could look that good.
I mean, you look swell.
I thought that's what you meant.
I think your dad looks beautiful.
Darling, where are the Wilsons?
I don't want to be late for the ceremony.
I want to get there in time to cry.
Don't worry about it.
They'll be here in a minute.
And we better get our caps and get going, too.
Yeah, well have a good day
polishing the fire engine, boys.
[Wally] Okay, Dad.
Ward.
Yeah?
Do I really look all right?
In the words of my oldest son, "Wow!"
(doorbell rings)
- Hello.
- Oh, hello.
June, it's the Wilsons.
- Hi, Ward.
- And little Helen.
- Well, hello, Janet, Herb.
- Hi.
My, it's nice to see you again.
Isn't it, Ward?
Yes, yes, of course.
Our babysitter let us down at the last minute,
so we just brought Little Puddin' along.
Oh, fine, fine.
To the wedding?
Well, uh, Ward, you've told me
so many wonderful things about those boys of yours,
I thought they might like the chance to earn some money
by keeping an eye on Little Puddin' here.
Wally and the Beaver babysit?
Well, I don't know.
Oh, but from what Ward has told Herb about your two boys,
I figured Puddin' would be as safe with them
as she would with J. Edgar Hoover.
Oh, well, if it's gonna be inconvenient,
we could take her to the wedding with us.
It's such a long drive, though.
I just hope she doesn't get car sick again.
Oh, boys!
Go out to the car and bring in the playpen.
Oh, boys!
She's really outgrown it, but, well, she wanders.
Boys!
(playful music)
(gentle music)
(phone ringing)
Oh.
Auxiliary Firehouse Number Seven, Pete speaking.
Oh, hello there, Wally.
Huh, what's that?
Hey, Pete.
The Beaver and I won't be able to come down
and help you polish old Number Seven.
Yeah, we gotta take care of a baby.
Its parents went to a wedding.
Say, Pete, you won't let any other kids polish it, will ya?
No, don't you worry.
You tell the Beaver that I'll save all the brass for you.
Even let you do a couple of extra nozzles.
Gee, thanks, Pete.
- Wally?
- Yeah?
Why don't we pretend she's a tiger
and we're the zookeepers?
(Puddin' giggles)
We could even pretend we were charging kids to see her.
Oh, cut it out, will ya, Beave?
Dad said while they're gone we gotta be just like parents.
You mean we get to yell at her?
I don't know.
You just gotta sit around and see that she's happy.
Puddin', you happy?
Mm-mm, I want to see Mary Jane.
Maybe that's one of her dolls.
I wanna see Mary Jane.
I wanna see Mary Jane!
You know, Wally, it ain't easy keeping kids happy.
You were worse, Beaver.
You used to eat the paint right off your crib.
(gentle music)
Hey, now we're getting somewhere.
I wanna see Mary Jane.
Take it easy, Puddin'.
This is my best mitt.
I wanna see Mary Jane.
(phone ringing)
Hello?
Oh, hi, Mom.
I slipped away from the party.
How's everything going?
Oh, that's fine.
Wally, what's that noise?
That's just Puddin'.
We're keeping her happy.
(toy rattling)
[Puddin'] Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Huh, what's that?
I said please don't let anything go wrong.
Wally, all the way over here in the car,
your father did nothing but boast
about how capable you two boys are.
Now, for heaven sakes, do a good job,
and don't disappoint him.
Okay, Mom.
We'll take care of everything that comes up.
There's just one thing though, Mom.
Puddin' keeps asking for Mary Jane,
and we can't figure out who she means.
Well, hold on a minute, and I'll ask her mother.
[Guest] The bridesmaid
The bride was enchanting wasn't she?
And the groom, you know, he was a little nervous,
but wasn't she sweet?
Nothing I love better than a wedding, really.
She was perfect.
- So
- Yeah?
When you use this this way, it doesn't work.
Oh, Mary Jane.
What's going on?
Mom's gonna ask her mother who Mary Jane is.
(toy jingles)
[Puddin'] Ha, ha.
I hope we find out,
'cause she's running out of stuff to throw.
Huh?
Oh, you found out?
Oh.
Oh.
Okay, thanks a lot.
(Puddin' giggling)
I wanna see Mary Jane.
Where you going, Wally?
Upstairs to see Mary Jane.
Oh.
Another glass of punch, Janet?
Oh, oh no.
That last one went right to my head.
I feel positively giddy.
Honey, there's nothing in it but pineapple juice.
Oh, well, I guess it must be the excitement then.
You'll be all right.
Come on, let's go out in the garden.
Oh.
Where's Herb taking Janet?
Out to get some air.
The punch went right to her head.
Why, Ward, there's nothing in it.
Her head?
You know what I mean.
Everything all right at home?
So far.
I still don't think it was such a good idea,
and it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't done
all that boasting to Herb about how reliable the boys are.
What do you mean boasting?
I merely pointed out that Wally and the Beaver
have enough of me in them to take care
of any situation that comes up.
Oh, go kiss the bride.
You know, I think I will.
Now that I see her again,
I'm beginning to remember her from the ï, oat.
Ha, ha.
Puddin'?
Hey, Puddin'.
(knocking)
Puddin', will you unlock the door and come on out?
I don't want to.
Puddin'.
Puddin', will you unlock the door and come on out?
Hey, Puddin', come on out,
and we'll give you something real good.
Yeah, I'll even let you chew on my fielder's mitt again.
[Puddin'] No.
Wally?
What?
She's awful quiet.
I think that means she's getting ready to come out.
(banging)
What are you doing, Puddin'?
Nothing. (Giggles)
(bottles clattering)
That sounded like my hair tonic.
(bottles clattering)
That sounded like my goldfish bowl.
What a mess.
Yeah.
That Mary Jane sure got us in a lot of trouble, didn't she?
Come on, Puddin'.
Will you please come on out?
Yeah, Puddin'.
Come on out, please!
I'll let you chew on my fielder's mitt again.
Come on out, Puddin', will ya?
(playful music)
(water dripping)
Ow!
Wally, you really think we oughta
try to bring Puddin' down the ladder?
Sure, how else are we gonna get her out of there?
Shouldn't we call Dad?
No, they're having a lot of fun at the wedding.
And anyway, Dad told everybody how responsible we are.
We can't show him up just 'cause we're not.
(upbeat music)
Wally, how you comin'?
Not so good, the window's stuck.
(water splashing)
Wally, do you wanna see Mary Jane. Too?
No, Puddin'.
Will you unlock the door and come on out?
Uh-uh, I'm having lots of fun in here.
(playful music)
What do we do now?
Well, you climb up.
Maybe you can get in.
(water splashing)
Beaver, are you coming in to play with me?
Now, look, Puddin', if you don't open that door,
you're really gonna get it.
Uh-uh, if I open the door, then I'll get it.
Hey, Beave!
Hey, Beave, can't you get in?
No, Wally, either this window's too small
or my head's too big!
(playful music)
Boy, Beave, she's never coming out of there.
Looks that way.
You know, Wally, when I get married and raise a family,
I'm not gonna have any kids.
[Benjie] What you doing, fellas?
Oh, hi, Benjie.
We're trying to get a kid out of the bathroom.
I've been watching you.
You've been trying to do that for a long time.
Uh, say, Benjie.
Yeah.
Say, Benjie, do you know how to turn a lock?
Course I can, I go to kindergarten.
Hey, Benjie, let me hold your candy bar.
(playful music)
Hey, that's great, Benjie, we'll be right up.
Who are you?
I'm Benjie.
- Yes?
- Yeah.
I'm Puddin'.
I'm having fun in here.
Boy, am I glad this is over.
I'll say.
Okay, Benjie, open up.
[Benjie] Okay.
(doorknob clattering)
What's the matter?
Wally, the doorknob came off in my hand.
We should've never let him in there.
Wally, I don't like it in here.
I'm scared, I'm afraid.
Okay, Benjie.
I don't like it either, let me out.
(phone ringing)
Uh-oh, I'll bet that's Mom.
(knocking)
[Benjie] Let me out, let me out.
Be quiet in there, you kids.
We gotta answer the phone!
Hello?
Oh, hi, Mom.
Nothing, just messing around.
Well, good, good.
Mrs. Wilson would like to speak to Puddin'.
Uh, she wants to speak to Puddin'?
Uh, sure, everything's all right.
I'll get her.
What'll I say?
Talk like Puddin'.
Tell her everything's all right.
Hello, Mama?
Hello, Puddin', dear.
How's Mommy's little girl?
Oh, I's fine.
And Wally's fine, and Beaver, he's fine.
Everybody's fine.
Goodbye, Mrs. Wilson.
Everything's fine.
She's so sweet.
She even called me Mrs. Wilson.
Well, you know how kids are.
You never know what they'll come up with next. (Laughs)
Wally, shouldn't we have told Mom and Dad about the kids
getting locked in the bathroom and everything?
No, we can't.
After all Dad said about us,
we'd look like a couple of creeps.
I'll figure out something.
(cracking) (dramatic music)
[Puddin'] Let me outta here.
I don't like it in here.
I better figure out something.
Well, while you're figuring,
I might as well eat Benjie's chocolate bar.
[Benjie] Let me out of here, let me out of here.
[Puddin'] Open the door, open the door.
(phone ringing)
Hello, Auxiliary Firehouse Number Seven.
Pete speaking.
Oh, hello, Wally.
What's up with you fellas?
Nothing, we're just kinda messing around.
Say, Pete, we were just wondering.
You've been a fireman for a long time, haven't ya?
Oh, yeah.
Well, have you ever gotten a cat out of a tree?
Oh, couple of hundred of 'em, I suppose.
Years ago I even got a fireman out of a tree.
He'd climbed up there to get a cat.
(chuckles) Yeah, well, you think you could
get a kid out of a bathroom?
Oh, you could, huh?
Well, you think you could get two kids out of a bathroom?
(siren wailing)
(Benjie whimpers)
- There.
[Puddin' giggling]
There you are, boys.
Two babies, signed, sealed and delivered.
Just like getting cats out of a tree.
Gee, thanks a lot, Pete.
Does we owe you anything, Pete?
No, I don't think so.
We'll just charge it to ladder drill.
(engine rumbling)
(truck door bangs)
[Wally] Hey, we better get that door fixed.
Yeah.
Hey, Wally, that one don't belong to us.
Oh, yeah.
Go home, Benjie.
I want my candy bar.
Beat it, Benjie.
I wanna see Mary Jane.
Forget it, Puddin'.
I want my candy bar, my candy bar!
Why can't I see Mary Jane?
I want it, I want it!
We don't know where your candy bar is, Benjie.
Will you beat it?
Now, scram, Benjie!
(upbeat music)
You know, boys, uh, you never did tell us.
Did everything go all right yesterday
when you had Puddin' here?
Uh, yeah, everything was fine.
Do you know who called tonight just before supper?
Mrs. Wilson.
Well, what did she want?
Well, she was so pleased at the way
you two boys took care of Puddin',
that she wants you to come over this weekend and babysit.
(playful music)
Oh.
You don't seem very interested.
She said she'd pay you 50 cents an hour.
That's a lot of money for boys your age.
Uh, sure you don't want the job?
Well, um
They got bathrooms at the Wilsons'?
I'm sure they do.
With locks on the door?
Yeah, I believe that's customary.
I don't think we want the job.
No, uh-uh.
And anyway, we gotta go help Pete polish old Number Seven.
Can we be excused?
I guess so.
Aren't you gonna finish your dessert?
Not tonight, Dad.
(Ward chuckles)
Well, what's so funny?
I think I'm just beginning to figure this thing out.
You know, this morning I went over to Harry Donaldson's
next door to borrow a wrench.
You know what he told me?
Yesterday, while we were gone, there was a fire engine
parked out in front of the house.
- A fire engine?
- Mm-hmm.
There was a ladder up to our bathroom window.
What do you suppose was wrong?
Well, putting two and two together,
I suspect that Puddin' somehow locked herself
in the bathroom,
and the boys called the fire department to get her out.
You mean they did that all by themselves
without calling us?
Well, looks that way.
You still think I was bragging
about their being responsible?
Well, I guess not.
Ward, when you were their age,
would you have called the fire department?
No, I don't think so.
I'd have probably done something silly
like calling my parents for advice. (Chuckles)
(upbeat music)
(playful music)
Wally, don't you think we should tell.
Mom and Dad what happened yesterday,
with Puddin' and the fire engine and everything?
Beave, I'm pretty sure they know what happened already.
How do you know?
They didn't say nothing.
That's what makes me think they know.
When they don't know, they yell at us and try to find out.
But sometimes, when they know, they just keep quiet.
But why would they keep quiet this time?
'Cause everything turned out all right, that's why.
Yeah.
I guess they don't want trouble no more than we do.
(gentle instrumental music)
All finished?
Uh-huh.
Have you complimented the boys
on the way they handled things yesterday with Puddin'?
I certainly have not.
But, dear, after what they went through,
don't you think they deserve a little praise?
No, no, I remember when I was a boy.
When something like this happened, we were always scared
to death our parents would find out about it.
You have no idea what a relief it was
when they said nothing about it.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music)