The Doomies (2026) s01e18 Episode Script

1
[Romy] This is huge, Bobs.
An evil mayor? An evil plan?
We gotta get Kim
and put an end to phone-ageddon!
-[Bobby exclaims]
-Ugh.
Can I take a shower first?
-Body odor can wait, evil cannot!
-[yells]
Kim!
-[panting]
-We've got big news!
[both gasp] No way!
What's up, my Doomies?
He lives?
[stammers] But no one's ever
escaped Subterra.
-Unless…
-[metallic squeaking]
[footsteps approaching]
[both whimpering]
[both] When there's no room left in
Subterra, monsters shall walk the Earth!
[Doug] So there I was,
the lonely Lord of Subterra,
when my eyes met the lovely Myrrh
across a crowded nightmare-scape.
Then yada yada yada, Kim sprung us,
and here we are.
[Bobby, Romy chuckle]
It's good to have you back, Doug.
You and your soulmate.
Power couple names! I'm thinking
Derrgh or… [gasps] …ooh, Myrr-Doug?
Ugh, sounds like Mordam.
Thank goodness she's gone, eh, Bobby?
Although, odd I didn't see her
in Subterra.
[chokes, coughs] What?
Yeah, of course.
M- Mordam is deffo… [chuckles] …long gone!
Besides, who cares?
There's a newer, bigger evil in town.
Mayor Mallory. Who we need to stop, now.
Sorry, kid, but Myrrh and I
need to settle into our love bubble.
[both chuckle, coo]
[all shudder]
If that's some kind of monster
bonding ritual, we don't wanna know.
I'm talking about the lighthouse.
You know, I think I missed my armchair
the most in Subterra.
A-After all of you, of course. [chuckles]
Hate to break it to you,
-but your lighthouse is being squatted.
-Huh?
-There's a new Light Keeper…
-What?
…and a new me.
Minus the charm of course.
Wait, hold the cheese.
Are you saying the Council of
the Light Keepers has already replaced me?
[grunts]
Time to reclaim my lighthouse!
Come on, guys!
-[phone chimes]
-Oh. That's my mom.
-Bobby?
-"Come home quick."
She never texts, not even on birthdays.
This must be super important.
Go ahead, Bobs. We'll just save the world
after everyone's domestic issues.
-Myrrh! Hold up!
-[growls]
You're gonna need a disguise
in case things go south.
Killjoy's a real monsterphobe.
Then this Killjoy shall deal with me.
Lord of Subterra.
Formerly.
[groans]
My Demon Queen, allow me
to carry you across the threshold…
[straining]
Blasted Killjoy's even changed the locks.
[door unlocks]
[both chuckle]
Squatter!
Sitting in my armchair, in my lighthouse!
How dare you?
Oh. Well, who are you, Goldilocks?
Oh, no, wait.
You're the cowardly ex-Light Keeper
who was thrown into Subterra.
No, I threw myself in, with, uh, heroism.
Now, if you could kindly throw me
at this intruder, sweetheart.
[yelling]
-Huh?
-[groans]
-[grunting]
-This is Light Keeper property.
-[grunts]
-Oh, that's a new stain.
-And you're no Light Keeper.
-[grunting, groaning]
Oh, you're gonna tear the fabric!
[both grunting] Huh?
[both grunt]
[sighs] She's quite strong
for an old lady.
So? She's my, um, gym bunny.
-[chuckles]
-[Romy] Come on, Doug.
You two are acting like kids,
and I'm saying that as a kid.
[clears throat] You're right, Romy.
Let's go stop the mayor.
-[panting, yelling]
-[grunts]
-[laughs]
-[groans]
I'll let you sit, if you beg.
[grunts] You're not going
to humiliate me in my own home.
I challenge you to the ultimate duel.
The Banisher.
Winner gets the lighthouse.
And the loser gets banished.
You dudes wanna play a board game
on the brink of an apocalypse?
[scoffs, laughs] No, child.
This is our time-honored tradition
for settling disputes among Light Keepers.
[scoffs] More like your fragile egos.
[game orb] Welcome to Banisher.
Where the winner holds sway.
They alone wield the runes to banish,
and have the final say!
[thunderclap]
Soon this lighthouse will be ours,
my lady.
She's no lady.
That inhuman strength and that runic ring…
She's a monster!
-[Doug, Romy gasp]
-[Myrrh groans]
Chosen One, dust her into oblivion!
Not gonna happen. Kim works for me!
Uh, I mean… [stammers]
You know what I mean.
Just a couple notes.
I don't work for anyone anymore,
and I think Killjoy means Kim 2.
Killjoy keeps you in a pocket dimension?
-Not cool.
-[grunts]
[grunting]
-[growls]
-[strains]
So, what's the emergency?
Is the house on fire?
What?
No, sweetie. I've got a surprise!
How about your favorite
salted butter caramel ice cream?
It'll make the surprise go down easier.
You know how much
I've loved our time together,
and I have this book tour coming up, so…
You're leaving already?
Yes, but this time, you get to join me.
Think of all the adventures we'll have.
You and me, around the world.
[gasps] The whole world.
But, uh, what about my friends?
Oh… [scoffs] …I'm sure
they'll still be here when we come back.
[scoffs] In four years.
Four years?
One, two, three, four… [stammers]
That's like a third of my life.
[gulps]
[chokes, cries]
Oh, you-you okay, kiddo?
Um, yeah, yeah.
Just… Just got brain freeze.
[inhales sharply] Ooh.
Maybe Bobby just needs
a little time to think.
Oh, of course.
Take all the time you need.
Uh, until morning. [chuckles]
That's when our boat leaves.
Now, what to pack
for four seasons in six continents?
Uh-huh. [cries, gulps]
[cries, sniffles] Cool.
[cries, gulps]
[grunts]
-[grunts] Myrrh, run for it.
-[grunts]
I'm literally locked in.
It's in the rules.
If I leave the table, I die.
But I promise, I'll be right by your side,
running away from Kim 2,
after I crush Killjoy.
Go, my love.
[Kim panting, grunts]
[grunting]
[Kims grunting]
Aw, you're confused, old man.
See, we're the ones
who are gonna crush you.
Ugh, oh, I've had it with you two.
I am off to save the world,
with or without your help.
A retro game?
Cool, count me in.
I could use a distraction right now.
Stop!
[grunts] What have you done?
This is not a kids' game.
In fact, it's not suitable for any age!
Doug, I've faced a lot worse
than a board game.
Oh, but in this one,
you play with your life.
[Killjoy chuckles]
[chuckles]
Great. This is
the second worst decision of the day.
Why? What's up?
Ah, it's… [grunts] …complicated.
[stammers] I-I've gotta choose if I go
on a world tour with my mom,
or stay here with my friends.
-[gasps]
-Then again, I might not survive this,
so… [chuckles] …silver lining?
Whoa, a world tour sounds long.
Listen, Bobs, whatever choice you make,
I'll always be your bestie.
[stammers] But let's get through
this game first. Together.
[game orb] Aw, friendship.
Classic Banisher mistake.
Nevertheless, the game has begun.
Now, let the horror be spun!
[thunderclap]
[chuckles]
[game orb] Face the black abyss.
A cosmic hiss.
It devours with a dreadful twist.
[all grunting, groaning]
-[groaning]
-Bobby!
[Bobby grunts]
[grunting]
Armchair! No!
-Huh?
-[grunts, strains]
[Killjoy grunts]
[grunts, straining]
[yells]
-[Doug coughing]
-[Bobby, Romy panting]
[sighs] Nothing like a good stretch.
This is for my armchair.
[Myrrh whimpers]
I don't wanna fight you.
Killjoy is not your boss.
-Choose your own life.
-[grunting]
[both grunt]
[both grunting]
[grunting]
[exclaims, grunts]
Don't make the same mistakes I did.
I don't make mistakes. [grunts]
[grunting]
[groaning]
-[grunts]
-[gasps]
You don't need to blindly follow
your Light Keeper.
Follow your heart.
My heart only serves
to pump blood around my body
to make me an efficient monster assassin.
[gasps]
[grunts]
[panting]
Was I ever that pigheaded?
[chuckles] Oh, goody, my turn again.
[game orb] And the next player takes
the floor to find the hidden Minotaur.
But hurry before it finds you.
[roaring]
[Killjoy chuckles]
[grunts]
[creature shrieks]
Killjoy is wiping the floor with us.
Especially you, Doug.
This is so humiliating.
Just when I got my ego back.
[chuckles] Hey, did you guys know
Minotaur horns bring good luck?
Oh, wait. Well, not for the Minotaur.
And you're heading the same way, Doug.
[grumbles]
[game orb grunts]
Oh, wow, a creepy doll.
Hello, my new best friend!
And unlike
the childhood plushie you still keep,
I already know all your secrets.
Thought twins!
Can it, doll!
Word of advice.
Plucking a monobrow
will only make it grow back darker.
-[Romy whimpers]
-You like smelling your toes way too much.
Wow, this game really helps
take your mind off things.
-[Bobby yells]
-Bobby!
[panting]
Forget what I said.
We need to end this game now!
Agreed. But I don't think
those two man-babies
-are gonna end this any time soon.
-[both grunting]
[grunts, gasps]
[gasps]
[groans]
[grunts]
[grunts]
[gasps, groans]
[gasps]
[panting]
[straining]
Hmm?
-[Myrrh grunts]
-Huh?
[both] Huh?
Argh!
[grunting]
[all straining]
[exhales sharply]
[all yell]
[coughs]
[Myrrh groans]
Thanks.
[game orb] Welcome to
the square of banality.
Now, enjoy your cup of tea.
A soothing brew?
What's so scary about that?
[slurps] It's hotter than
the lava fields of Subterra…
[slurps, groans]
…but I can take it.
-[slurps]
-[Romy sighs]
[game orb] Here lies the giving square,
a chance to swap your curses
with another player.
Yes!
Hey, Killjoy,
wanna play with my doll forever?
[Killjoy chuckles]
[grunts]
[Romy, Doug, Bobby gasp]
[scoffs] Unlike you,
I've lived the honest, pure life
of a Light Keeper.
That's why I'm going to win,
-and you're going to get banished.
-[thunderclap]
Doug, what's he talking about?
The game's gonna banish us all.
The Light Keeper elders devised it
as a way to weed out the weak.
It's a really deeply broke system.
[gasps]
Uh, wait, w-wait, banish us where?
I thought it just meant
leaving the lighthouse.
To the Never Dimension.
A place of untold horrors,
with even worse food than in Subterra.
Ugh, so I'm told.
[chuckles]
A perfect ten.
Victory is mine!
[all whimpering]
Why didn't you warn us?
We could have,
I-I don't know, tried harder?
I was sure I was gonna win.
You should've begged me for mercy.
But you know the rules.
[game orb] A winner arises.
Losers, prepare for your demises.
[Doug] Please, game orb,
at least let me say goodbye to Myrrh.
Victory be to the best player,
who won this game fair and square.
[gasps] A funny secret just popped
into my head.
Killjoy moves the dice with his mind.
What a scamp.
-[giggles]
-What?
[singsongy] Cheater, cheater,
pumpkin eater.
Enough!
[game orb] Deceiver!
-You shall pay a penalty!
-No!
[yelling]
[all yell]
This isn't over!
[yells]
Welp, this confirms it.
Game nights always end in tears.
I can't believe it.
Me and my big ego almost doomed you both.
All 'cause I wanted to prove
I was better than Killjoy.
-Please, forgive me.
-[Bobby] Aw.
-We're used to it.
-[Romy] Yeah.
You should save that apology for Myrrh.
No more playing around.
[roars]
[gasps]
[roaring]
[all scream]
Where are you going?
We've got a game to finish!
What happened to being banished?
[groans] I guess he wasn't
'cause we never finished the game!
[grunts] Killjoy must've
magic-hacked it from the inside.
[grunts]
I'll handle this. You two,
get to the finish line and end this game.
You are not seriously still playing
that ridiculous game.
You know, in my defense,
I was about to stop until Killjoy became…
Hmm? Well, that thing!
[Kims, Myrrh] Huh?
[screaming]
[all exclaim]
[Myrrh, Kim 2 grunt]
Master?
What have you become?
What I need to be to destroy our enemy.
Now, vanquish them!
No, the only evil here is you.
Go.
[both panting]
[Kim 2 grunting]
[grunts]
[grunts] I'm so sorry, Myrrh.
I don't know why I wanted
to win this game so badly.
I have all I've ever wanted
right here in front of me.
[Myrrh groans]
[both panting]
-[grunts, gasps]
-[roars]
[both straining]
[roars]
Hi-yah!
[grunting]
[Bobby grunting]
-[both panting]
-[roars]
-[both panting, screaming]
-[yells]
[both screaming]
[grunting]
[growls, roars]
[Kim 2 grunts]
[yells]
[straining]
[both grunt]
What just happened?
-You followed your heart.
-[grunts]
[strained] Following your heart blows.
No!
-[grunts]
-[straining]
[chuckles]
[both panting]
And you just need a one, two, three,
four… [stammers] …12 to win.
[groans] No pressure.
-[both screaming]
-[growls]
[Bobby whimpering]
Game over.
No, we've got one last move.
[screams]
A six! Yes!
What? That has to be against the rules!
[chuckles]
Fool, I am the rules.
And without dice, all you can do is die.
No!
This game was fixed
by some old Light Keepers
'cause they couldn't sort out
their problems,
but I can, and I'm done playing!
[panting, grunts]
[yells]
[Doug grunts]
-[gasps] How'd you know that would work?
-[pants]
I didn't.
I-I just trusted my gut.
Oh. I gotta call my mom.
So, yeah, sorry, Mom.
I've got enough adventure here
in Ouimper with my friends.
[Susan sighs] I understand, sweetie.
Well, thanks for thinking it through.
-But can we do a call every evening?
-[sighs]
Uh, yeah.
Uh, but mornings are better.
Things get a little,
um, busy here at night.
Okay, love ya.
All okay back home?
Great, now we can finally
take down the mayor.
I've already called
Constable Stephane for backup.
Huh?
[yells]
[theme song playing]